So funny story. I was originally only planning to release one chapter this week, but the final draft ended up so long that I had to split it in half to keep it readable. You know those chapters that have nearly +10,000 words in them, so it just feels like you're scrolling down forever? That's what this would've felt like. So this week we get a 2 chapter double feature!
Beta-read by Pure Red Crane
Lesson 3: When Breaking Bad News to Someone,
Make Sure You Have Something Sweet to Offer Afterward
"Man, they really did a number on this place," Okita remarked in his usual monotone as he looked around the decimated square. The whole place looked like a cyclone ripped through it, the ground and surrounding buildings covered with gouges and blast holes.
"It's a miracle that no one else aside from the magistrate was killed." Another officer commented as he cleared away some more wreckage.
"Two criminals managed to escape and take the life of the local magistrate. I'd hardly call that lucky. Now get moving and keep looking for clues. Otherwise, you'll all be committing seppuku." The man with V-shaped bangs ordered as he lit his cigarette.
"Y-yes, sir!" The officers scrambled around, getting to work.
Sougo walked up to him, completely unfazed by the threat. "Hijikata-san, while it is fun to threaten them, I don't think we're gonna find anything else here. As much of a bastard as Katsura is, he's meticulous about not leaving any evidence behind."
The vice chief massaged his neck. "Even so, we gotta go through the process and try, otherwise the officials will just be breathing down our necks harder than they already are."
"Don't worry, Hijikata-san. If the officials get too much for you, I can always relieve you of your neck so it won't feel as burdensome."
"Better yet, we can always offer up our shitty first-division captain to make up for losing them. That should even things out."
The two locked each other's hands in a wrestling hold, trying to overpower the other. While the two idiots continued to try and beat the crap out of each other, another officer raced up behind them.
"Captain, Vice-Chief! I've got news on the escapee! Wait, what are you two trying to do right now?!"
"Yamazaki, report," Hijikata ordered as he put Okita in a headlock.
"Yes, sir. I've been investigating since yesterday about the ronin, Zorojuro. All the information regarding him from the locals is within the last three weeks. But before that, there's nothing. It's as if the guy just popped into existence."
Okita and Hijikata finally stopped their fight long enough to take in the new information, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
"If he didn't exist three weeks ago, he could be a foreigner. But then why would Katsura go out of his way to save him?" Hijikata wondered.
Okita clutched his bandaged shoulder. "He's probably looking for stronger warriors to join his cause. I hate to admit it, but that bastard was pretty tough, especially if he could do this to me. It looks like all that shit he was talking in the extra chapter wasn't just for show."
"That's why you attacked him?" Hijikata asked incredulously.
"Of course, it also makes sense that Katsura was targeting the magistrate to begin with since odds are he really was our slasher. He and his goons were pretty quick to take Zorojuro from us before we could properly question him and determine if he was guilty or not. We've been building a steady amount of evidence against him, so he was probably desperate for a scapegoat."
"...What are we doing? Is this really the Wano we swore to protect?" Yamazaki thought aloud.
Hijikata and Sougo were silent for a moment, fully understanding where Yamazaki was coming from before the latter spoke up. "True, knowing we have to wag our tails for those piggies when they're doing crap like this can be pretty damn disheartening."
"Maybe so, but it's those piggies that allow us to wield swords to begin with. And even if Zorojuro was innocent before, it doesn't change the fact that he's now murdered a man, and it's our duty to bring him to justice." Hijikata began to walk away before turning back to his subordinates.
"Even if it doesn't seem like it, this country still needs us. Besides, it's not as if our true loyalty was ever to the bakufu to begin with. It's to that idiot chief of ours."
Yamazaki and Sougo nodded in agreement before Yamazaki left to continue his investigation. Hijikata took another puff of his cigarette before turning to Sougo again.
"Speaking of which, where is Kondo-san?"
"You seriously have to ask?" Sougo asked sarcastically. Hijikata sighed heavily as he rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.
Luffy slowly began to wake up to the sensation of something poking his head.
"I've never seen a dead body this fresh before-aru. Wonder if he has any money on him? Wait, Sadaharu, don't!"
CHOMP
"GYEOW!" Luffy shot up in pain at the feeling of sharp teeth digging into his skull.
"Whoa, it's a zombie! Don't eat it, you'll get some kind of disease, and then Gin-chan will get all pissy at me-aru."
"I'm still alive!" Luffy thrashed around as he tried to shake the whatever-it-was from his head.
"Sadaharu, drop it." The beast finally complied, letting go of Luffy's now-bloody scalp.
Luffy massaged his head, wiping away the blood. "What the hell was that?!"
"Sorry, he gets curious about stuff and he can't help but bite them."
"Arf!"
Luffy came face to face with his assaulter; a giant white dog with a red collar, happily wagging his tail as if he didn't just try to eat his head. Next to him was his owner; a young girl with red hair decorated with Chinese-style ornaments on both sides and carrying a purple umbrella. On top of her head-
"HEY! That's my hat! Give it back!" Luffy yelled angrily, standing up quickly.
"Alright, alright, no need to yell. Here." The girl said, handing him back his prized possession and finally calming him down.
"Thanks."
With his hat safely secured on his head, Luffy finally had the chance to take in the scenery around him. He was on a small beach leading into a forest. A couple yards away from where he was sleeping, the Thousand Sunny lay on its side, seemingly undamaged.
"Where am I? Hey you, is this the Land of Wano?"
"It's not 'hey you', you punk. You're talking to the Queen of Kabuki-chō, Mistress Kagura." she quickly rebuked him.
"Yeah, well, I'm Luffy, and I'm gonna be King of the Pirates." Kagura just picked her ear, clearly unimpressed.
"'Gonna be', as in you're not king yet, right? So then I outrank you-aru." She grinned haughtily, acting as if she just won some unspoken competition.
"Shut up! Being King of the Pirates is way cooler than being Queen of whatever you just said."
"It's Kabuki-chō. What? Is your brain made of straw too? Go stand in a cornfield somewhere and wait for Dorothy and Toto to show up."
"Huh?!" Luffy was getting angrier, even though he had no idea who Dorothy or Toto were. Before he could snap back with another insult, he remembered something important.
"Hey, hold on a second. Aside from me, did you find anyone else washed up on the beach?"
Luffy's sudden shift from anger to concern caused Kagura to pause for a moment before shaking her head. "Nope, it was just you and the ship. Should there have been?"
"My crew. I remember now. We climbed up the waterfall, but then we got trapped in that big whirlpool. I think they were able to get away in time, but I wasn't. The next thing I know, I'm here on the beach, getting chewed on by your dog." Luffy pointed at his fluffy assailant, who continued to pant happily and guilt-free. "So let me ask again, am I in the Land of Wano or somewhere at the bottom of the falls?"
"Nah, you made it. This is Wano-aru. Specifically, you're in a region called Kuri." Kagura answered.
"It is? Yes! I finally made it!"
"What about your friends?"
"They'll be alright. They're strong. And they can always find me using…huh?"
Luffy dug through the red band around his hat, checking inside the crevices as well, before crying out in a panicked voice, "MY VIVRE CARD! It's not here! Hey, when you picked up my hat, did you find a blank piece of paper in it?!"
"Nope, nothing like that."
"Dammit, I lost it! It must've sunk to the bottom of the sea! That was the only way my friends would've been able to find me!" Luffy lamented for a minute before finally settling down. "...Well, whatever, it'll work out somehow."
Out of the blue, a loud crashing could be heard from the woods followed by the cries of other animals. Suddenly, something massive and yellow came hurtling through the treeline before smacking headfirst into the Sunny, ticking off Luffy even more.
"Oi! Don't go breaking our ship!"
As the dust settled, the animal got back up quickly, growling deeply as it focused on the treeline and giving no attention to the other inhabitants on the beach.
"It's a giant dog! And it's even bigger than yours! Wait, is it a dog or a boar?" Luffy wondered, befuddled by the creature's appearance.
"Koma-chan!" Kagura shouted, immediately recognizing the animal. Luffy turned back to her.
"You know this thing?"
Before she could answer, a howl came from the woods as a massive white baboon came stomping out onto the beach, wielding an equally enormous katana.
Luffy broke out in a grin. "A sword-wielding animal? This really must be Wano then!"
"Ah, it's the gorilla. What's he doing here?" Kagura said, wondering what the Shinsengumi chief was doing out here.
"Actually, I think that's a baboon." Luffy corrected her. "There are gorillas with swords around here too?"
"Yeah, but they mostly spend their time stalking cabaret girls or writing crappy manga series with lots of d*ck jokes-aru."
"Sounds pretty awful of them."
"Yep."
The baboon and the komainu continued to circle each other before going in to attack. The baboon swung its sword, barely missing the dog as it bit down on its arm, causing it to drop its sword. The primate quickly retaliated by punching the dog, resulting in another back-and-forth of barks and howls.
"You're not gonna help? That bigger dog-pig is your friend, right?" Luffy questioned Kagura, pointing at the scene.
"Nah, he's fine. He's pretty prideful. If we stepped in to help, he'd just get mad at us later."
Luffy nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I get that."
"But if Koma-chan is here, then where is…?"
Before Kagura could complete her thought, Luffy's observation haki picked up three hostile presences, quickly dodging an oncoming bullet before swinging around and stretching out his arm to back fist one of the incoming Beast Pirates off their mount.
"What the hell?!" a buff-looking Beast Pirate yelled.
"How did he know we were coming?!" His skinny companion shrieked.
"Whoa, your arm stretched-aru! Are you some kind of monster or something?" Kagura asked with sparkles in her eyes.
"Nah, I ate a devil fruit that turned me into a rubber man." Luffy demonstrated by stretching his cheek.
"Cool!"
"You brats think you have time to be fooling around?! You go after the girl and her pet, I'll handle the rubber freak." The skinny pirate ordered his companion, raising his gun.
"Right! Playtime's over, girlie!" The buff pirate raised his weapon, firing at Kagura and Sadaharu, enveloping both in a cloud of smoke and flame.
"Head Ornaments!" Luffy yelled out in concern. The enemy pirates grinned maliciously before shifting to utter shock as the smoke cleared. Kagura completely blocked the projectile using only her umbrella, standing firm and without a scratch on her. Her once-purple umbrella had turned completely black, a clear sign of armament haki use.
"What?! How did you block that?! Whatever. Madsaurus, go bite her head off!" the buff pirate spurred his mount on. The oversized reptile roared before charging forward, jaws agape and ready to swallow her whole. Rather than a look of fear, a tick mark began to form on Kagura's head as she just got more annoyed. Kagura deftly sidestepped the oncoming dinosaur before reaching out and grabbing it by the tail, causing it to yelp out in surprise after being forcefully stopped.
"ORRRRYAH!" Kagura began to spin around, swinging them through the air as if they weighed nothing at all, before finally leaping up and slamming them into the ground, forming a massive crater in the sand. Both mount and rider were completely out cold.
"Holy crap. You're stronger than you look." Luffy commented awe-struck as he dodged another projectile before sending a kick straight into the Madsaurus' chin. At the same moment, the skinny pirate fired another round, causing it to detonate directly on top of its head and flinging him from his steed.
"This beach sure is noisy." Luffy grinned excitedly.
Kagura scowled, not sharing his sentiment. "No kidding. What's it take for a girl just to take her pet on a walk-aru?"
At this same moment, a bag fell, releasing its small violet-haired captive, who immediately took cover behind a rock to avoid being seen by anyone. Peeking out from behind her hiding spot, she noticed her rubbery savior along with the red-haired girl. "Big sis…?"
The last of the Beast Pirates sat himself up, covered in scratches and missing a tooth. "Dammit…Hey, baboon! Don't just stand there, you useless ape! Forget the mutt and capture those two! Better yet, just kill them! We'll deal with the headliner later!"
Kagura readied herself into a battle stance, Sadaharu growling beside her, as the baboon grabbed its sword, raising it to strike Luffy down first.
"Hey, Straw Hat! Move out of the way!" Kagura shouted at Luffy, who hadn't moved an inch. Just as he was about to be cut in two, Luffy turned and fixed a powerful glare on the primate.
"What do you want?"
The effect was almost immediate. It felt as if the air itself was charged with power, radiating off of Luffy in waves and straight through the bones of every living thing on the beach. All three animals immediately became pacified as the baboon fell to its knees in submission and both canines lowered their tails. But none felt it stronger than Kagura, as centuries of genetically-ingrained battle instincts all screamed out at once, telling her the same thing, This guy is strong, do not mess with him. She stood there frozen for a moment before finally shaking her head out of the stupor as both the baboon and the dogs sat down, acting friendly as if they weren't trying to kill each other a few minutes ago.
Luffy smiled. "There, that's better. No more fighting, you guys."
"Hey! Why are you getting intimidated?! It's just one little pirate!" The Beast Pirate raised his gun to shoot again. Luffy and Kagura got ready to take him down, but were stopped short when someone leaped up behind him.
BONK
The soldier slumped over, knocked out cold with a massive welt forming on his skull after being smacked with a piece of driftwood. Immediately after, the perpetrator dropped her weapon and raised her hands.
"What are you doing?" Luffy asked, confused.
"I surrender! This is the surrender pose!"
"Look, I'm not gonna do anything to you, alright?"
"You're not?"
"Tamako-chan, I figured you were somewhere around here if Koma-chan was here too-aru."
"Ah, Big Sis Kagura! I thought it was you! Thank you both for saving me." Tamako ran up to Kagura and hugged her.
"So you really were with those guys? What happened? Were they trying to do weird things to you? Remember what I warned you about; all men are beasts, no matter the age."
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Luffy asked, noticing the sideways glance from Kagura.
"No, it's not like that. I was on my way home after running an errand in town, when those guys stopped me and tried to take all my stuff! Komachiyo was just trying to protect me, which is why the two of them were fighting. I got so frustrated that I ended up saying something I shouldn't have, and that's when they caught me. I might've never seen my home again. Thank you, Big Bro and Big Sis!" Tamako explained before bowing.
"...Actually, while I have you two here, can I borrow your help just a little more? This is an opportunity I can't afford to miss."
"What is?" Luffy asked. Rather than explain, Tamako raised her hand to her cheek before pinching away part of it into a perfectly round dango.
"She just tore her cheek off!" Luffy screamed.
Kagura was unfazed. "Oh, I get it now."
"Now isn't the time! We gotta get her a doctor or something! Chopper! Where are you?!"
"Relax, she's fine. Just watch-aru."
Tamako walked up to the baboon, holding out the dango in her hand. "Here, try this. It's tasty." The baboon growled, scaring away Tamako momentarily before steeling her resolve and tossing the dango into its open maw, causing it to swallow.
A monetary silence fell over the beach as Tamako walked up to the baboon again, holding out her hand. "Shake." The baboon complied, completely calm and tame.
"Whoa, she actually tamed that thing!"
"I finally tamed the Giant Baboon of the Mountain!"
"And you didn't even have to lower its HP first-aru. That can be annoying unless you have False Swipe."
"So she's a devil fruit user too, huh?"
"Yep, her power lets her tame any animals that eat her dango. She tried to use one on Sadaharu once, so I had to teach her a lesson to not steal other people's pets-aru," Kagura explained, petting Sadaharu and shooting a momentary glare at Tamako.
"I already said I was sorry for that, Big Sis! Anyways, you gotta let me make it up to you two somehow for saving me!"
"Great, I actually have a whole bunch of questions I wanna ask…" Luffy began when two pairs of stomachs growled loudly.
"Right! You guys are hungry!"
After hiding the ship in a cave, Tamako led the group back to the ruins of her home village. She explained that everyone else moved away and that only she and her master chose to remain. They arrived at her house, with Komachiyo, Sadaharu, and the baboon (now named Hihimaru) waiting outside, playing together. Inside, the violet-haired girl brought out two bowls of rice for her guests.
"Alright, here you go! Eat up!"
"Looks tasty! Can't wait to eat it!" Luffy drooled.
"Yeah! But Tamako-chan, are you sure it's okay to eat this? You should have some too. It is your birthday after all-aru," Kagura said, having a better understanding of the girls' circumstances.
"It is? Happy birthday, then!" Luffy grinned, rice stuck to his teeth.
"Thanks, Big Bro, Big Sis. Don't worry, I'll have some later! As a future kunoichi, I gotta remain light on my feet!"
"Alright, but remember what I told you, don't develop any M tendencies as you train. Otherwise, instead of a bewitching kunoichi, you'll just be a bitchy one-aru." Kagura educated her honorary little sister as she and Luffy polished off the last of the rice.
"Right! …Anyways, I'm just gonna run to the restroom real fast. Be right back!" Tamako said as she ran out the door.
"That was good. It wasn't much, but she still made it for us. What a good kid!" Luffy sighed with satisfaction.
Kagura placed a hand on her chest in pride. "Of course, she's learning from me after all."
"By the way, I was wondering, Head Ornaments…"
"I already told you it was Kagura, you damn punk."
"Right. Kagura, I was wondering, are you from here too?"
"Nah, I'm a foreigner, same as you. I originally grew up on an island called Rakuyo. It was a gloomy place where it rained 24/7 and attracted all kinds of bad people. My family was poor, but we always talked about coming to Wano on a family vacation. Well, stuff didn't really work out that way, so when I was old enough I decided to come here myself. I've been living here for over 2 years now-aru."
"I see."
"What about you? What brings you all the way here?"
Before Luffy could explain himself, the doors burst open, revealing an old man wearing a tengu mask, wings, and tall geta sandals.
"Who goes there?!" the man boomed.
"What the?! Usopp?! Wait, no, you're not!" Luffy shouted in surprise.
"Ah, Old Man Tengu, what's up?" Kagura casually greeted him.
The old man, Tenguyama Hitetsu, silently stared down at the empty bowls of rice, his grip on his sword tightening even further.
"Did you two eat the rice?" His voice was tense.
BAM!
Luffy and Kagura were flung out the door towards the bottom of the tree as Tenguyama approached.
"Wait! We were just eating the rice Tamako cooked for us!" Luffy tried to appease the man, but this only seemed to make him angrier.
"Why would she do that? Do you know how many days it's been since she last ate?!"
"What? But she said she had enough left over for herself, right?" Kagura asked.
"You fools! She weaves hats day and night, and only sells just enough to barely feed herself! Certainly not for three people!"
A look of shock and dawning horror crossed the duo's faces as Tamako ran up from behind and prostrated herself.
"Wait, Master! Leave them alone! Forgive me for cooking the rice without permission, but Big Bro Luffy and Big Sis Kagura saved my life today! It would've been shameful if I didn't repay them!" Suddenly, Tamako erupted into a fit of hacking coughs until she vomited and collapsed on the floor.
"TAMAKO!" Luffy and Kagura screamed in unison, quickly climbing back up the tree trunk to check on her. As Tenguyama cradled her in his arms, her complexion became paler and paler.
"Tama, you fool! Did you drink the river water to appease your growling stomach?!"
Luffy was confused. "The river water…?"
"The rivers of this land are polluted by the waste runoff of Kaido's weapon factories. For a girl as small as her, they might as well be pure poison."
"Then why would you guys choose to stay here?!"
"Me and my friends offered to let her stay with us in town. Things are a little easier there. But every single time, she refused." Kagura answered with tears forming in her eyes.
"Indeed. She remains in the ruins of this village, waiting for the day a certain man would return to Wano. A pirate by the name of Ace!"
Luffy was shocked to his core. He never expected to hear the name of his brother all the way out here. He took a few seconds to compose himself. "Tamako, do you mean Portgas D. Ace?"
All eyes focused on the Straw Hat captain, Tamako breaking out into a weak grin at the mention of the name. "Big Bro Luffy, do you know him?"
"Yeah, I do." The solemn look on his face remained unchanged. He knew that what he was about to say would hurt her more than anything else, but she had a right to know.
"Ace is dead."
So just to clarify, Tamako translated from Japanese basically means "Little Tama". Her birthname is still Tama, but she got this nickname from the others so they don't get her confused with the big Tama, who will be showing up next chapter. This is how I'll most likely be referring to her throughout the story, so be prepared for that.