I hope you enjoy this chapter. My heart is in this one a little and I'm feeling kinda insecure!There re lots of emotions goin on here. *

He couldn't breathe. Logic had long since left the building, and suddenly he had no air. Olivia's voice felt like a far away echo. She could have died and I wasn't there. She could have died and I would have never known.

He faintly heard her voice somewhere in the background of his panic attack. He needed to find a way to get his shit together because this was not about him. It was about her. It was about what she suffered, what sacrifices she made to become the incredible woman that was currently wrapped in his arms. It was about her, and he needed to get some semblance of control so he could give her the support she needed.

For a moment he focused on the rise and fall of his chest, and the weight of her head resting there. He focused on her warmth. She lived. She survived. She was a badass, and he was lucky she ever gave him a second look. He watched the slow rise and fall of her chest. She lived, and tears leaked from the corners of his eyes for all she suffered in his absence.

Her voice remained low, but it registered with renewed clarity. He instinctively tightened his arms around her, savoring the sensation of her soft skin pressed against his. He couldn't stop himself from resting his lips on the top of her head. He memorized the smell of her hair, and it's softness as it brushed his face. She was alive, and she loved him. He vowed right then and there that he would give her anything she wanted, anything she needed. She was the sun and he was grateful to be allowed in her orbit. He breathed her in once more, before returning his focus to her recollection of his worst nightmare.

"He was insane. He pulled the trigger on himself like it was nothing, and I…I flinched every time." She swallowed deeply. "As much as I thought of myself as an unlovable mistake, I didn't want to die." He didn't bother hiding his tears. He only hoped she would continue without hesitation. "When he shot the last blank," she shook her head, biting her lip in an attempt to hold the pending dam of emotion. "I don't know how to explain it other than, I don't know, I just went numb. We could hear my squad on the radio, and I knew they were close." She shook her head, "but like everything in my life, I was going to lost the moment before the light came." She cleared her throat, and swallowed deeply. "In the end…" her eyes closed and Elliot wished to God that he could wipe the awful memory away before it paraded across her mind with violent clarity. "He stood right next to me, deliberately shifted the firearm to his left hand and smiled before pulling the trigger." She sounded far away, clinical almost. It was as if she removed herself from the memory as much as possible. He understood. The terrifying reality was too traumatic to relive, even in her memory. "I'm not sure how long I stood there frozen. It was like my brain couldn't process what happened."

He pressed his lips more firmly against the top of her head, "so normal," he murmured.

"I know. It was just…strange, you know, actually living it." Her hand drifted up, feeling for his face. She pressed her hand against his cheek in a sort of pseudo hug. "You know how messy a point blank gunshot can be." He kinda wished he didn't. "When my team arrived I was covered in spatter." Her free hand pressed into her stomach, and he knew she was fighting back nausea. "I went into autopilot, really. All I kept thinking was that I wanted a shower. I didn't want any piece of him attached to my skin, but I had to wait. I had crossed so many lines at that point, and I needed to play the rest of it by the book."

He felt his own stomach churn at the thought of his beautiful Olivia sitting in the back of an ambulance doused in the bodily fluids of a monster. He swallowed his bile and tried not to be sick.

She continued, "The rest of the following days are kinda muddled. I was in shock. Obviously. It was days before I felt like… not myself exactly…" her eyes focused on his hand on her thigh. "I'm not sure she ever came back…the woman I was." He failed to hold back his choke of emotion, and he felt her hand tighten on his face. She waited as he regained control. She seemed to understand that he needed to mourn the loss of the woman she had been. But somewhere in that grief hid a kernel of pride. She rose from the ashes, left the devastation behind her, and became the incredible woman he knew he didn't deserve.

She waited patiently for him to get a grip on himself again before resuming her narrative. "Of course there was a lot to process in the aftermath. I felt like a wreck the entire time, but I kept it together enough to make it through." Elliot sensed there was more to it than a simple IAB investigation, but he wasn't going to press her. "I pulled it together, you know? Of course I went back to work way too soon…"

He could help the small chuckle that escaped his lips. There was something light and familiar about her stubbornly pushing back against NYPD regulations. "Of course you did."

For most of the conversation she had kept herself tightly curled against his body. She had kept her eyes forward, and avoided eye contact, but now she shifted her weight so she could lift her eyes to his face. "It was a good thing I did really." A sort of serenity filled her countenance with her next words, "Not long after that, I found a little curly haired boy in a dresser drawer."

-000

She may have changed over the years, but she was beginning to realize he had too. Elliot from thirteen years ago would have lost his mind. He would have ran. He would have beat the shit out of a perp. But now? Right now he held her, and sat with the pain of it all. He put her first, not moving, not leaving, and she felt herself crying alongside him.

Neither said a word as they let their emotions run their course. Elliot's shaky breaths came in slowly and more evenly. She thought he might have fallen asleep, but when she lifted her head, he had his eyes on her. Despite the tension of the moment, she didn't back down. She kept her eyes on him, and for the first time in a long time she wasn't afraid of what she saw there. Devotion, adoration, and more than anything she saw love.

He reached out, and his large palm cradled her now damp cheek. "You are the most incredible person I have ever known." More tears spilled from her eyes, but he wasn't deterred. "I love you." She was struck by how low and soft his voice had become. It stood in a vast contrast to his gruff often fiery exterior. His blue eyes deepened in color, seeming to respond to the intensity of the air around them. It didn't feel like a choice when her body swayed towards his. There had always been some cosmic pull between them, and in this moment she gave up her resistance. He had always been a part of her soul, and those missing years hurt, but he came back. He came back for her.

Her lips waited only millimeters from his, and she heard his breathing change in heart racing anticipation. When the tension became too much, he closed the distance between them, letting his lips finally fall onto hers.

He kissed her sweetly, letting years of affection pour into her. She always imagined she would kiss Elliot in a heated passionate moment, but this was different. This was more.

Her neck started to hurt from the awkward angle she found herself in. She needed to move, but she desperately wanted the kiss to continue. Without moving her lips for long she shifted her weight so she could more easily straddle his lap. She smiled when his breath quickened before her lips found his again. His tongue slid across her bottom lip, eliciting a pleasured sigh from her lips. When he sucked her lip into his mouth, the sigh turned into a more audible hum.

Her hands had rested on his shoulders, but they began to shift towards his chest. Her heart quickened as she let her hands trail over his toned chest, feeling the thunderous pounding of his heart.

His hands moved in response, gliding from her hips to her ass. The fire growing in her belly grew from a low rumble to an all alarm blaze. She trailed her lips down the length of his jaw, savoring the roughness of his stubble. She placed a sucking kiss behind his ear before she began to whisper, "Do you really love me?"

His head whipped back in surprise, and his eyes searched her face. He ran his hands up and down her sides, and rested his forehead against hers. "Liv, I really love you, and I've loved you for a very very long time."

She gently nodded her head, and she brushed her lips across his. Her breath warmed his lips with every word. "Show me."

Without hesitation his mouth was on hers. She almost immediately opened her mouth for him so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue swiped across hers, and she felt more than heard the rumble of his moan. His hands gripped her ass as she settled herself down in his lap, and in one sweeping motion he rolled her beneath him.

From that position she was allowed more access to explore his perfect body. She slipped her hands beneath the gap of his shirt and deeply pressed her hands into his abs. Heat radiated off of his skin, and she knew he was falling hard. They both were.

He nipped at her earlobe before running his tongue the length of her neck. She tilted her head back, allowing more room for his lips to rove around her neck. Her hands stayed on his abdominal muscles, but it wasn't enough. She grasped the hem of his shirt and began to pull it over his head. He withdrew his mouth from her skin only long enough to toss his shirt to the floor. Her breath caught at his well muscled frame, and her hand drifted over the panes of his chest. He sat back, just for a moment to watch her watching him.

She almost protested when he slipped off of her, but he tugged on her hand, helping her back into a sitting position. His large hand wove through her disheveled hair as he kissed her deeply. She realized she was ready. They had waited long enough, and now she wasn't entirely sure what they were waiting for. Her heart pounded when she made her choice.

She startled him when she abruptly stood, and noted the slightly worried look trail across his face. She gave him a soft smile before tilting her head in the direction of her bedroom. He grinned stupidly before standing quickly to follow her. Without warning he scooped her up into his arms, and she let out an unintentional squeal of surprise. He laughed at her outburst and quickly kissed her neck. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

-000-

Ten missing years. A decade. Wins and losses. Devastation and rebirth. For ten years he wandered around the world, missing part of his soul. He thought he could never get it back, get her back. Turns out, he could.

He felt like he was living a dream, and she was all he could see, all he could feel. With her shirt effortlessly tossed to the floor she pulled him down next to her on her bed.

He sensed an air of apprehension surrounding her, and he felt like he knew why. His index finger lightly traced the edge of her bra and down to her sternum and back again. "He doesn't get to be here Liv." Her brown eyes lifted hesitantly. "It's just you and me," he tried to reassure her. She nodded, and closed her eyes, and he knew she was trying to focus on the now, but Elliot had something he needed to say first. "Liv." She kept her eyes shut so he tried again, "Liv, look at me." When her eyes found his again he spoke. "I see you. This," he gently pressed his lips against the whitened scar peeking out from her bra, "Is irrelevant." He rolled her onto her back and hovered over her. He dropped down lower and placed a lingering kiss on the mark made by a wire hanger in the middle of her ribs. "You are incredible." He ran his tongue along the line of her rib cage. "You are sexy." He placed a kiss directly on the center of her chest, his nose nudging his compass out of the way. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He lifted himself up so he could see her better. He felt breathless seeing her in this way, lying beneath him, hair fanned out on the white pillowcase. He couldn't stop himself from kissing her sweetly. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever known, God, everything about you is beautiful. You're kind, empathetic, brave and strong." He pulled back so he could see her eyes. "That's what I see when I look at you, and Liv, that's all I have ever seen."

Her eyes began to water, and her hand reached up behind his head pushing him gently towards her. She leaned up slightly so her mouth could reach his. She kissed him slowly, and he was taken aback by the emotionality of it all. She was part of him, and he never felt so connected to another person in his life. He never had. She was everything he ever wanted, everything he ever needed, and he thanked God they finally found their way to one another. He was home, and for the first time in his life, he felt whole.

Don't worry everyone- this one still has an epilogue coming!