Chapter 2: Reckless

"Hey, this is a story I hate and telling it might make me break. But I'll tell it anyway. This chapters about how you said there is nobody else. Then you got up and went to her house. You guys always left me out. I still have the letter you wrote when you told me that I was the only girl you'd ever want in your life. I guess my friends were right" -Madison Beer

I know that his never ceasing need to explore shouldn't frustrate me, after all its one of the things that attracts me to him but we have been here for an hour and I just want to go home. I hate grocery shopping and the thought of a hot bath and a glass of white wine sound so good to me I am half tempted to leave Troy here and make him fetch a cab home.

I pick up a trashy celebrity magazine and flip through the pages praying to God this issue doesn't have another article or paparazzi photo featuring the two of them together in a cutesy stroll down Seattle streets. The media has eaten them up since they "accidentally" went public 6 months ago. Since then its been Creddie this Creddie that, the whole best friends to lovers trope being rammed down my throat cover by cover.

Did it really only take him 5 weeks to magically announce he was in love. Forgetting everything we shared for an entire year so easily? I was going to be his forever, his third times a charm. I pictured him down on one knee proposing in front of her surrounded all of our friends in family. She would be so heartbroken she would run back to Italy and out of our lives for good. Who am I kidding though, he was in love since he was 12. It just wouldn't be with me.

I turn the page and damn it if there isn't Carly standing there looking flawless on the best dressed list, at another save the animal of the week fundraiser. Yup Saint Carly the Magnificent patron saint of everything. Outfitted in a coral gown that ribboned down her front secured by a diamond broach between her don't need a damn bra cleavage. Give it to Harper to know just how to make mountains out of molehills. It was different than the other figure hugging dresses she usually picks out for her. Between that flowing dress and her elegant up do she looked like a Grecian goddess statue come to life. I slam the magazine shut and stuff it back on the rack ripping the cover in the process.

I turn around and give Troy a my look as I wait for him to pick out a six pack of whatever foul tasting seasonal craft beer he and his other hefty bun clad, buddies are drinking with dinner tonight. Over his shoulder I spot the goddess in the flesh standing in the cereal aisle, reading the back of a box of Cheerios.

Her dark hair swept up in an annoyingly perfect-never-a-hair-out-of-place ponytail, draped in a long maroon sweater that seamlessly lies over leggings that cling to her I-do-yoga-and-still-eat-cake-for-breakfast thighs. Her feet were slid into black ballet flats and not her usual high heel boots making her look even more doll like than she did before if that's even possible. Weird. When did I give a damn about her shoes all of a sudden?

I catch a glimpse of a brown suede jacket and great hair rounding the corner of the aisle. He was making a bee-line for her, a loaf of bread in one hand and a bouquet of daisies in the other oblivious to anyone or anything except the brunette in front of him. Her eyes light up the second she sees him and she lets out a girlishly giggle as he swept her up in a hug placing playful kisses in her hair along her neck. Figures. Where there is one there was always the other. If Carly and Freddie weren't together physically, they were tethered by a text or a PearTime call. Seeing them was a punch in the gut. She always had him. I just got to borrow him for a little while.

He whispers something in her ear and she blushes, smacking him playfully on his shoulder. His half cocked smile tells me shes going to enjoy whatever it was he just said later. I'm sure she will too, you know what they say about nerdy tech guys. They are insanely good with their fingers. I wonder if he does that thing with his thumb with her like he did with me. Because Christ. She takes his hand in hers and they swing them between their bodies, before he spins her like shes on a dance floor. She laughs again and I die a little more inside.

When I left the bar that night in Troy's arms I had hoped for some grand romantic gesture from Freddie. For the next two months I held onto my phone hoping that he would call me and beg me to come to back, and prove to me over and over in his bed that I was the one he chose over her. That I made him happier than she ever could. That he seen right through her manipulative bullshit and cut her completely out of his life. But it never came.

Deep down I knew that would never be the case. Carly would rush to be by his side, wrapping him in one of her too long to be platonic hugs and picking up his broken pieces molding his heart back together with her perfectly manicured little fingers.

I push down the pang of jealousy I still feel when I think of all those nights I spent crying into my pillow knowing he was out there with the center of his universe. I thought revenge fucking Troy that night while fun, would have given me some sort of sick satisfaction that I took something from her but it didn't. It just made me sad. He meant nothing to her, he was means to an end. When she was done she would have just broken him and tossed him aside when she didn't get the reaction from Freddie she thought she deserved.

Don't get me wrong, Troy really is a good guy. He's a little dumb, but he has a pretty successful furniture business and one of his desks was just featured in Interior Design Monthly. He has a smoking hot bod and always makes sure I finish first. But hes just not Freddie.

"Hey sweetie," I say trying to make my voice sound as innocent as possible, "I think I'm going to go grab another eggplant for dinner. I want to make sure there's enough. You know how much Tom loves my moussaka."

Troy nods, "You got it babe, I'll catch up to you. I can't decide if I want the Mosaiac Pale or the Bellevue yet."

It wasn't my intent to follow them, I would have rather avoided them entirely but here we are; both in the produce department so I push my cart to the opposite end, stopping near a pyramid of perfectly stacked tomatoes, watching as she lifts a large Granny Smith apple to her nose and takes a long deep inhale. For a moment I can see why everyone loves her, shes much more than a Seattle Seven. Freddie beams as he pulls out his phone taking her picture. I make an mental note to check her Instagram later. Maybe leave her a snide comment about how that camera angle makes her chin look like she had too much plastic surgery done and that she should sue. Except it doesn't and Freddie would never let her look anything less than sublime.

I hate myself for hating her. Because shes actually glowing.

Instagramable moment captured, Freddie wraps his arms around her waist and put his forehead to hers. She gives him her thousand megawatt smile and pushes him away handing him the apple; and he takes it, tossing it in the air and she catches it in a small canvas bag before putting it back in the cart.

Its disgusting how seamlessly they work together.

Freddie takes her chin in his hand and brings her lips to his. They kiss not caring that they aren't the only two people here in this crowed market and it makes my stomach turn, I can't take it anymore so I give their cart a little bump.

He was never this affectionate with me in public.

Her eyes meet mine, and her previously occupied lips turn into a thin straight line the second she sees me. Good. Bitch. "Oh. My. Excuse me. I'm so terribly sorry," I feign embarrassment and give her a top down glance, Arching my brow at her daring her to say something shitty so I have a reason to verbally dress her down other than the heated you suck I threw at her at the bar. "Silly me, I always pick the cart with the wonky wheel. OH MY GOODNESS Carlaaay," I say her name drawing out the "A" because I know how much it grates her nerves, " Freddie? What a small world."

Freddie's eyes widen as he looks at her, then me, then her again. His tongue darts over his lower lip and I cant help but want to kiss him breathless.

But I don't.

"Pearl." he says clearing his throat and adjusting his jacket. He gives me a slight smile. "How have you been?" he asks, his tone telling me he's just being cordial because shes watching him intently. Gauging his obvious discomfort that my presence brings. she flings her Coach bag across her front and places herself between us the way a lioness would when she is protecting her pride.

She turns to face him disregarding me as if I were a piece of lint on her sweater. Something to be flicked off and discarded to the floor. "I forgot Millicent's peanut butter." Freddie gives her a slight shake no of his head, she gives me a smug smile. Nice dig. But peanuts can feel it when you are eating them. Am I the only one who can see past her Mary Poppins exterior, because she's one of those people you hate but are super impressed with at the same time. It frustrates the fuck out of me.

Freddie takes one of her hands and puts it against his chest and she gives it a small squeeze, one that says I know this has to happen, but can it not happen around me.

He puts his other hand to her cheek and I watch as she relaxes under his touch. His eyes are hazy and smile is so tender and I try to recall if he ever looked at me with the reverence he does her. I can't think of a single instance.

Carly casts me a sideways glance as she pushes past me.

"Pearl."

"Carly."

I watch as she rounds the corner leaving us standing alone next to a display of green beans.

"Two for a $1.50, that's a pretty good deal." I say trying to fill the silent spaces.

Freddie shoves his hands in his jeans pocket and rocks back and forth on his heels, "Yup" he says popping the P.

He steps towards me and I can smell the faintest hint of his cologne, and what makes Freddie, Freddie. My body buzzes. He reaches toward me and my fingers instinctively reach out to touch him, so I do. He looks down at my hand on his forearm and flexes his jaw, so I quickly grab the handle of the cart. He didn't want me, he just wanted a can of beans."So how's the Kevin app treating you?"

He takes a step or two back giving the clear message that only distance provides, "Sold it a while back. Made a really good profit on it, I still hold a major share of the stock" He worries the hair on the back of his neck with his left hand. " I've been mostly writing music and producing iCarly." he smiles when he says her name.

I didn't even know he wrote music. " That's great" I say but in a tone that didn't reflect the words as they left my mouth. " I see you two figured things out." gesturing into the air between us, "Its going good?" I try to keep my shit together well enough to play off the beginnings of an anxiety attack.

His cheeks redden and he smiles that lopsided grin of his, " Yeah. We are. Its the best." He claps his hands together rubbing his palms, "What about you, you still with whats his name?"

"Troy."

"Yeah, Troy"

"Yeah...Its good, he's good. We are good." I say. Freddie gives me a look that is something between a mix of pity and concern, just as Troy comes up and puts his beer in the cart, startling me.

"Hey babe!" he says kissing my cheek. Before realizing who I am currently standing near, a cart between us. He shrugs and then flashes a huge smile. "Man, good to see you!" Troy stretches his hand out shaking Freddie's with a little more enthusiasm than would have been socially acceptable.

"You too." Freddie says dryly.

"Carly here?" He scans the store searching for her. Spotting her as she approaches Freddy from behind. Peanut butter in hand.

"Carly!" Troy says pulling her into a tight hug, Carly's eyes fly open wide and Freddie gently but purposefully removes Troys hand from her waist guiding her behind him. Freddie is giving Troy a look that clearly states he crossed the line touching her; and that if I happened again he would make sure Troy would disappear and that there would be nothing they could prove.

"Sorry about that. I'm a hugger." He shrugs his shoulders and lifts his hands in a mock surrender. Freddie shifts his weight from one foot to the other and takes Carly by the hand. That man would go to war for her if she asked.

"He is." I say laughing nervously and look down at the watch I am not currently wearing, "Well, look at the time. babe we got to go. Company coming over, and I have to get dinner started." I put my hands on Troys hips and guide him towards the check out. Stopping to give Freddie a final glance. Hopeful hes still watching me as I walk away.

But its just the those two once again focused on each other as the world just seems to rotate around them. Freddie gives Carly a gentle look and she gives him a small nod. He shakes out his shoulders as she smooths out the collar of his jacket. His left arm wraps around her hip as he places his hand on the small swell of her abdomen she had previously covered with her purse. She puts her hand over his and he smiles.

They are having a baby.

The finality of it all takes the air out of my lungs. I hug Troy from behind tightly. Its time to move on.