Milo opened the hatch that led to the top of the castle, his confidence in full swing as he climbed up the ladder and peeked his head out from the opening. As soon as his eyes scanned around the edges, they quickly met their mark.
He knew this was where she would be.
Without having to be discreet, he shut the hatch and began to walk over to her; the sound of his leather shoes clapping against the hard bricks that formed the base of the roof. She barely turned her head as he drew closer, choosing instead to simply gaze ahead at the landscape. The light of the Specter Moons was still in full swing as the day was not yet over. Their glow reflected off her white gown while her brown locks shined against the fur cape on her back.
Milo kept his hands in his pockets as he approached her. With a calm voice, he hoped to not distress her any more than she already was.
"Lia…"
The fawn still wouldn't make eye contact with him, bowing her head in a sorrowful manner.
He tried again, hoping that she would respond, "Please…talk to me."
With a crack as she started off, Lia slowly shook her head as if she was holding back tears, "What is there to talk about? Doesn't everything speak for itself?"
She brought her hands up to her forehead, massaging it before she lost hold of her emotions. Milo sighed as he walked over to her right, taking a seat beside her at the edge of the castle. The warm wind blew across both their faces while they kept their eyes straight for the time being.
"In a way it does, and in a way, it doesn't," he stated. "I knew you were angry at Cassandra this whole time. She's done terrible things throughout her life. Personally, it disgusts me to see the pain she has inflicted on others. I know that."
The wind whistled along the square barriers that lined the roof around them as Milo paused before he took another breath.
"What I don't understand is what you were feeling this whole time; before she got here. I should have talked to you sooner, instead of thinking that things would never have gotten to this point."
He turned his eyes to her briefly, only to look back at the trees in the far distance when she failed to return the gesture. Lia brought her hands down to her chin, cupping them together while she rested her jaw on top of her knuckles. Her gaze could have been focused on anything, but Milo knew she was more into her thoughts than she was with whatever was in front of her.
A dhin could have climbed up the roof and she wouldn't have batted an eye.
"My mother's last words to me were, "You're going to survive this. Take care of your sister and remember what I've taught you. I love you, Lia." That was it. Those three sentences. After that, she went outside our little enclosure, and then she was killed."
Milo pressed his lips together as he relived the events of that terrible day. "I wish I could have –"
Lia interrupted him with another piece of her perspective, "She knew what she was doing. She did it for us. My mother understood regrets. She forgives you, I promise."
With another sigh, Milo softly nodded his head as he watched a flock of birds pass the clouds below the Specter Moons. "But, can you?"
She went silent.
Milo turned his head to the right momentarily, lamenting how much his choices have continued to decimate lives even after all these years. He breathed to quell a tear that would form soon. There was too much crying done on everyone's part today, but he knew the sorrows were far from over.
Against his will – the tear formed and fell.
He shook his head, feeling like a fool for having considered such a feat would be easy.
Lia spoke again, "I just…I just wish she was still here to tell me what I needed to know. I know she is gone and I accepted that long ago. I know you regret everything that happened. I understand that. I feel the pain of her loss as you do too. But, I have spent the last decade wondering if I have lived up to her expectations and there is no one here who can tell me if I am a good fawn or not."
Milo's face pressed into a tense draw. His skin reddened as his squinted eyes pushed more tears out. He covered his face with his hands as soon as he began sobbing. Lia began to tear up as well and she soon joined him.
After a dozen seconds of living through the agony, the man lifted his head and looked at her. "If I could have gone back to that day, I would've turned around before we got there. I would have fought harder. I would have traded my life for any one of those fawns."
"I know," she acknowledged as she wiped her eyes.
"I never wanted any of this," he said.
"That's what has been on my mind all these years. You wanted your daughter. You didn't want…" She went silent.
"What? What is it that you think I didn't want?" He asked.
"Fawns," she answered as she finally turned her saddened eyes to him. "We're not the same as poils, and you knew it. Trying to raise me and Leta, I always felt that it was too much for you. I know you miss her. I wish I could bring her back for you, to fill the hole in your heart that I or my sister could never –"
"No," he firmly cut her off. "You and Leta are like daughters to me. You, Lia, are my daughter in my eyes. You are everything I hoped she would be and I mean that. I wish you had been able to grow up with the other fawns, so you wouldn't have had to grow up so fast. But, you came out great. They all would have been proud of you."
She glanced down at her knuckles, still red from the assault she had laid out on Cassandra's face. The remorse that she felt in her heart was strong, and it only came second to the disgust she now held for herself.
"Fawns are instructed to never use their powers to harm one another or anyone else. We are supposed to fight our negative emotions. I was gifted with extraordinary abilities far beyond that of other surges. Everyone I grew up with expected me to be the example for them to follow."
Another set of tears fell down her cheeks before her voice cracked again, "And I used those powers to hurt Cassandra. I had her crying and screaming for my mercy and I only made it worse for her. What kind of fawn does that make me, Milo?" She began to cry some more. "What kind of example have I set for my sister? You saw the way she looked at me!"
Lia bobbed her head as she let more sobs run free. "She was so scared. My own sister…afraid of me."
"She knows that was not the real you," Milo tried to reassure her that not all was lost. In his heart, he knew that Lia had made a grave mistake and that Leta would eventually see the truth. However, he could also see how devastated the fawn was at her actions and that the entire ordeal was born out of her innermost turmoil.
She wiped some more tears from her face before glancing down at her hands again. "What is the real me? I used to believe that I was pure-hearted; that I was above such transgressions. I realize now that violence is well within my nature and I am susceptible to it. All those emotions I let out at Cassandra…they were real."
"That's why we need to talk about this, no matter how much it hurts." Milo flicked his brow as he gazed up at the clouds; where he knew his daughter had to be watching him from. "I've been running from how I feel for so long. If anything good is to come of this, we need to confront our pasts. Cassandra is. So can we."
A short-lived smile flashed on the side of Lia's mouth as she pondered such possibilities. "You always said that 'something good must come after, otherwise, it was all for nothing.' I think you're right."
Milo nodded with a smile of his own while another tear released from his eye. "My daughter, Juliana, always told me about how much she wished she was a fawn. She'd practice what she understood of their teachings, hoping she could replicate their magic."
Lia lifted her head and gazed at Milo, surprised to hear what he was now telling her. The man hardly ever spoke of his daughter, nor did he ever do it on his own accord. Most of all, he had kept most details about her life to himself.
He paused before continuing, "She eventually learned that such an outcome was not possible, but the girl never stopped trying. She'd beg me to take her out to play with the group of fawns who had migrated to our area." A small, happy chuckle breathed from his chest as he re-lived the good memories that he shared with her. "She'd tug on my clothes, even as a young teenager, begging me to let some of the women stay with us for the evening. At first, I was hesitant, because interactions between fawns and poils were not so common. I wanted her to be safe, but it did not take long for me to set down those walls once I saw how much they loved her. She had lost her mother at a considerably young age, and with all fawns being women, I believe she was drawn to them."
Milo closed his eyes as he dug into the solace of his soul. "I had to accept that she could not receive everything she needed from this world solely by my hands." He then opened them back to the clouds. "But, if she needed a mother – they could give her that."
Lia gave an approving nod. "It is fawn tradition to take in those who seek comfort and healing."
She then went silent as soon as she realized how much those teachings had applied to Cassandra. A sigh broke from her mouth, only for Milo to save her from such disappointment in herself by returning to his story.
"They did. She made friends. She was happier than I had ever seen her before. At first, I admittingly was a bit jealous that I was not the one who was able to give her those smiles, but then I realized that I didn't have to be. My daughter was happy and that was all I ever wanted."
"You loved her so much," Lia remarked. "I can see it."
"I did," Milo cast a warm smile. "She wanted to do her part to make the lives of others better – poils and fawns alike. The fawns she became close with were also beginning to consider integrating with poil communities once they saw how great Juliana was. I –"
Milo choked up. "I knew that she was going to be everything that this world needed to be better. She was the beginning of a new era for Locwitary."
Lia sniffled as she tried to steady her mind, thinking back to the few details she understood about what happened. "It was a tragic accident, wasn't it?"
The man drew in a long breath as his darkest memories came front and center. It was incredibly hard to even think about them, but he had to stick to his word. This wasn't just about him anymore.
It was also about Lia.
About Leta.
Even Cassandra.
"Ismana was her best friend. She was a teenage fawn and surge. The only surge in the group. She always demonstrated her magic, and Juliana loved it all. My daughter was a skilled weaver, and she'd make gowns for Ismana; who would wear them often. That was the world Locwitary could become – a fawn and a poil with the greatest bond forgeable. They were friends for several years before…it happened."
Lia sat up, knowing what Milo was about it say. As a surge herself, there was only one conceivable outcome.
Milo kept his hands together, using them as a focal point to channel his anxiety and allow himself to progress with what he had to say. "They were dancing together in that field when Ismana decided to use her magic to lift her and Juliana a foot or so off the ground. It was all in good faith, but…"
Lia closed her eyes and pressed her lips. "Levitation is one of the most dangerous aspects of fawn magic. It is easy to move others. Moving our own bodies creates a substantial risk of our energy rebounding."
"It does. I know that you know what happens when that occurs."
There was a foreboding sense of dread as Lia answered him, "A burn-out – but on a grander scale."
"I watched Ismana suddenly become engulfed in a blue fire, screaming wildly. She and Juliana fell to the ground, and my daughter tried to help her. The other young fawns rushed in to help, but their mothers pulled them away. They pulled me away too. I didn't know what was about to happen, but they did."
"That's why they didn't pull your daughter away…"
"Yes," Milo hung his head. "Ismana exploded. The flames overwhelmed Juliana and she collapsed. I grew up in medicine and science. I already knew she was gone, but as a parent, I couldn't believe it. When I saw what had happened to her, I just fell to pieces. The fawns tried to console me but I did not want their help. I just wanted my daughter back."
Lia stayed quiet while she thought about something for a second or two. She peered down at her ivory-skinned forearms, the blue veins underneath glowing faintly before her hands covered them. Another tear formed along her eye but she was quick to wipe this one away. With a shuddered breath, she swallowed the hesitation in her voice before she angled herself forward, dipping her head down.
"And did you blame us? The fawns?"
Milo did not answer her with any words. Shame filled his soul and all he could do was give her a small nod in reply. Lia saw the response and sighed as her expectations were confirmed. A group of tears broke forth from her eyes and she cupped her face to try and contain them. She tried to remain silent, but the moment she needed to breathe, the draw of her sorrows could be heard.
It pained Milo to have to listen to them. Each cry was the sting of a lifetime's mistake that he could never undo. Years didn't make the difference, as it continued to affect the lives of these women.
He tried to soothe her despair, "I was a fool to blame them, but I did. I realized later on that there was no one to blame."
Lia continued to cry into her hands, her sobs growing louder with each breath. While she had not told him why she was so upset, Milo could easily discern the reasons why. He had an entire decade of examples to fall back on.
"I never blamed you," he told her.
Lia drew one more huff into her palms before she pulled her hands away and kept her head down. Her cheeks were flushed from the excessive tears, and she could barely keep her eyes open. Her thin lips pulled into a sharp frown as she fought to keep herself together.
With a shaky voice, Lia spoke, "How was I supposed to know? I was thirteen when you took us. I was just a child! It was just me and my infant sister. I had my mother and everything I grew up with, and then that day happened, and I'm living in this castle with you. Do you know how scared I was?"
He nodded again with as many tears as she had.
Lia was a mix of anger and sadness. While she respected the tragedy that he had lived through, and how he had finally found the strength to confess his deepest problems to her, she could not ignore her own. In a way, they went hand in hand. If it had not been for the loss of his daughter, she would not have been with him.
"I'm in a room with the man who started all this death, and I was supposed to be okay? That first night in this castle, all I did was cry. I couldn't process a single thing because it was all happening so fast."
Milo said nothing. In fact, he hardly moved.
"That's what hurt me the most, Milo. I never got the truth and I spent all these years feeling like I was the one responsible for what happened. I felt like I was being punished." Lia's voice shook as she tried to breathe, "I was so afraid of you."
Milo crumbled into his own hands, "You never needed to be."
He cried even harder, wishing that he had been up on the castle's roof years ago. Had he made the plunge back then, the young woman beside him wouldn't have been here like she was now. She would have likely still been in that commune, with the rest of her friends, living the life that she was owed.
The life that was taken from her.
He gave her one last thing to know, as he could hardly muster any more words, "I never wanted anyone to get hurt."
The fawn couldn't find it inside of herself to press on with every heightened response she could think of. Watching Milo fall to tears was heartbreaking for her. After all the time that they had spent together, she had grown to know him more than simply as the man whose choices led to the demise of her previous life. He was a good man at heart and throughout their years together, she had seen the truth.
He did what he could to take care of her and Leta. While he had made the mistake of avoiding talks about what had brought them together, he had strived to see her grow and mature. He fed her. He educated her as best he could, knowing that there were things in this world only fawns could have taught her. He brought as many books as he could find that divulged into their ways; giving her the tools she needed to succeed. He did what he could to help raise Leta, as he had already experienced being a parent to an infant.
He did the best that he could during those days – even if he didn't always know what he was doing.
She was just as lost as he was; having been plucked from her people and placed in his care. The tragedy was already done and what came after was what they made of it. Milo would never get his daughter back, and Lia knew she would never have her mother. Leta would not get to experience the life that a fawn was supposed to have, and Lia had to dedicate her own to taking her mother's place.
It was a life of many regrets and missed memories. However – it was a life that was not yet over.
With another sniffle, she wiped her nose and placed her hand on Milo's arm. "I know. Look, I've said enough about that. It was a terrible period in both of our lives. With all the burdens you have to bear, you continued to try and make things right for us."
He paused once he felt her presence. Lia took a breath and brought her knees up to her chest as the two of them looked on at what Locwitary had to offer. The vast landscape had withstood the test of time. The rows of trees were as green as they had been the day that she arrived here. While Lia had grown in age and in body, she imagined that the world around her was just as it had been years ago – as if they had gone back to that day and could now do things differently.
She offered a small smile as she sought to relieve him of his woes. A sudden burst of happiness erupted in her chest that she could not fully understand. "I never made it easy for you. I always fought with you about everything. Always screaming and yelling at you for no reason. I watched you try your best to keep it together and figure things out. You taught me patience that way."
A short giggle came from her lips, "I'm still not as good as you."
Recovering from everything that he had gone through, Milo breathed slowly while thinking back to some of their fonder memories together. There were a lot of fights back in those days, but that didn't mean that he never managed to make the young fawn smile.
His bearded cheeks rose as he chuckled, "You're getting there. Still, you're a better cook than I am. You just hate doing it."
Lia's smile broke out into a laugh that saw her white teeth flash against the light of the sky. "Because it's so boring! I have to mix this and heat that. Chop this and make sure it doesn't touch the other thing. I'd prefer to just eat fruits off the trees."
She brought the back of her hand up to her face to simmer her amusement. "It is way easier."
"How many times have I told you that you can't live off fruits alone?"
"Ugh…" Lia shook her head with a grin. "This conversation again."
"What would you do if no one cooked for you? Would you finally do it or would you wander the forests picking fruits from trees all day?" Milo could help but chuckle again as he said that.
Lia wrapped her arms around her legs as she rested her chin atop her knees. Her toes curled into her sandals as they crested the edge of the castle.
"Gibbin would cook for me," she said.
"So, you're willing to spend your entire day listening to his stories?"
Looking ahead, she closed her eyes and buried her nose between the joints, giggling at the thought of such a lifestyle. "No."
Enjoying the moment, Milo affirmed the lack of enticement that reality had to offer, "Neither could I."
Snickering, Lia was able to relax to remind herself of how good things could be. With the release of some of her negativity, she was able to circumvent the barriers that kept her from moving ahead, realizing that she could not exist in her problems forever.
They had to be confronted.
Sighing somberly, she covered the knuckles that she had used to injure Cassandra, still feeling guilty about her actions. "How is she?"
Milo ceased his smiling and brought his mind back to the task at hand. "Not good – mentally, anyway. She's not good at all."
Nodding, Lia sighed again as she thought about what could be done to rectify the past – if such a thing was even possible. She closed her eyes, shaking her head as she recalled everything she had said to Cassandra while she was hitting her. The way she insulted her and taunted her was completely out of character for the fawn, and she knew that the brunette had become a placeholder for her darkest of aspects.
She could talk to Milo all day – and she would – but, there was things that only Cassandra could do to help her overcome everything she was going through. Most importantly, she had to do her best to help her too.
Not only did Lia have to forgive – she had to be forgiven.
"I must talk to her," she said.
"I don't know if she is ready," Milo replied, unsure whether or not is a good idea to put Lia in the same room as her.
"If she is not, then fine. But, the sooner I try, the less time she will exist believing that I am what I was. I must try."
His hand rose, gently taking its place on her shoulder. With a soft squeeze, Milo's eye carried a glint of happiness. "That's the Lia I remember."
Cassandra sat on her bed with her back against the stone wall, her hood down, and shoes and gloves removed. Staring off at the wall across from her, her mind was far from focused on only one thing. The last few hours had played host to an assortment of thoughts that clawed at her world. She had shed many tears since Milo had dropped her off in here, and while her tear ducts seemed as dry as sand, they were ready to produce more droplets when the thoughts became too great.
She had removed her jewelry; sitting it on the nightstand not too far away. The amber pendant that she wore constantly back in her home world served as a reminder of the life that she used to know.
The life that she used to believe was real.
She proudly wore that jewelry in the presence of the servants, reminding them that they were nothing but filth and she was the epitome of greatness. Now, in this world, where the rulebook was different, she felt as weak as ever.
Her nose and jaw were still quite sore. The cuts along her lips had sealed after Milo applied his medicine, but the consistent pain did not go away. A crushing sting would arise if she flexed her nostrils, hinting that Lia had managed to break her nose during the onslaught.
Just a few punches and look at you. You're so pathetic. The girls you abused still got up after so much more. This weakness…I…has this always been me?
Her chest shuddered as she squinted her eyes with her brows curled upwards. A frown pulled along her ravaged face, attempting the balance the mental and physical pain and prevent more tears from releasing.
It has. What is the point of lying? I've deserved this for so long.
A subtle knock on the door caused her to open up her eyes and glance ahead, wondering if it was Milo, or possibly Leta. During the few seconds before the door opened, Cassandra tried to think about what she would say to the little girl if she were to enter. The whole day had been a whirlwind of sadness on both ends and she couldn't even begin to think about where she would start.
There was so much for her to apologize for and to explain it to someone so young seemed impossible. All she could hope was that Leta's natural sense of intellect and understanding would somehow help her see how genuine Cassandra was in her remorse.
The door slowly opened, and to her distress, it was Lia.
Cassandra steadily backed away as much as she could as the fawn sheepishly entered the room, too worried to even try lifting her hood to conceal her scar. The brunette's eyes grew wide as she watched her attacker step in, holding a basket of various fruits and leaves. Despite the odd inclusion of the food, her attention was solely focused on the woman who had viciously beaten her.
Lia could barely keep her eyes on Cassandra; turning them down to the floor as soon as she saw her display fear. It was a far cry from the determined glare she held during the assault; where she was ready to face her with everything she had.
This was not the same Lia, but that did nothing to settle Cassandra's nerves. She breathed heavily as the woman stepped closer. With an uneasy voice, she addressed the fawn first, "What do you want? Is this not over?"
Lia stopped where she was; eyes locked shut and her head bowed. She clenched the woven basket that she held, looking like she was lost in her problems until she breathed and picked up her head. Her green eyes opened and peeked at Cassandra again before shifting to the basket.
She set the container aside on the nightstand, waving her arm as she pointed at it. "It is customary for fawns to gather fruits and decorate them before presenting them as a gift for those we have transgressed."
Cassandra's worried eyes fixated on the basket momentarily before she re-directed her attention back to Lia.
The fawn shook her head with a sigh, still unable to make eye contact, "You don't actually have to eat all the fruits or any for that matter. It's more of a display of – look, can we please talk?"
Pressing her split lips, Cassandra was still so unnerved by her presence that she couldn't find the strength to trust her – even with the way Lia was now acting.
"I have nothing to talk about," her voice remained hesitant. "Please, just go."
With a defeated tone, Lia gently clicked her tongue as she considered what else she could say. She did not want to cause any unjust alarm to the woman in front of her. There was no telling just when Cassandra would be ready to talk – if ever.
She could only hope that such a chance would arise, otherwise, they were both doomed to the purgatory of living in her action's shadow.
"If you have nothing to say, then would you listen to what I have to tell you? I want to make things right, and there is no other way I can unless we talk. I promise I will not hurt you."
I…I don't know if I can believe that.
Cassandra remained silent, unsure of what to say. The two stared at one another awkwardly for a few moments before the brunette seemed to ease up slightly. Her amber eyes studied Lia's posture, seeing how defeated she was as well. The way her face looked showed that she had not spent the last hours as triumphantly as she seemed she would have earlier. The pink tint of her eyes gave a clue that she had shed just as many tears too.
"Fine," Cassandra said, still unenthusiastic about her being in the room.
"May I sit beside you?"
She hesitated again before gesturing to the spot beside her with her head.
"Thank you," Lia spoke as she crawled onto the bed and rested her back against the wall just like Cassandra did.
With the fawn to her right, Cassandra thought back to the conversation that she and Leta had held together inside the woods following the argument that they had. Remembering what that conversation was able to establish, she began to think that maybe something good could come of this.
Still, her walls were high as ever as she awaited what it was that Lia had to say.
The fawn cleared her throat as she twiddled her thumbs. There was a sense that she was being overly cautious with how she was going to approach this. As confident as Lia had seemed back in the beginning; this was her in a form that Cassandra had never seen before.
Uncertain and indecisive.
"I'm not going to pretend what happened today never happened," Lia began; her eyes closed and her voice soft. "I said what I said, and I did what I did. There is no way that I can reverse time and change it. But, I just wanted to confess my apologies for it all. I let all my anger take control and what I have done is so horrible. I take no pleasure in it, and all I can feel now is immense regret. I want to be able to fix this, or at the very least, just let you know that I am deeply sorry."
Drawing a breath of her own, Cassandra turned her head and kept her eyes forward before closing them. "It doesn't matter. What you said was right, and as angry as I am about what you did, I deserved it. What is the point?"
Lia glanced up at the ceiling as she closed her own eyes and shook her head. "No. Just…no. Please, don't think like that. It doesn't make what I did right."
Cassandra offered a humorless laugh to spite the perception that right and wrong were blind to the past and that it did not account for the misdeeds of those in its crosshairs. She felt her wrath swell inside her chest, wanting to strike Lia in retaliation. Such desires were quickly swept away by the tide of her self-control, though she would allow a few droplets of it to seep out. "Shall I be angry then? Should I degrade you for doing your best to destroy everything I was working towards?"
Her tone grew while Lia just sat there, "Would it make you feel better for me to tell you that I wanted no quarrel with you, but you constantly went out of your way to find it? Just like earlier, I am not looking for a fight. But, if you want to see that side of me, then too bad. If that's what you came here for, then you're not getting it."
Lia sat still as she took in everything Cassandra had to say. The woman's words were true; the fawn had done her best to undermine every form of progress that the brunette had accomplished. She had seen the small snippets of transformation over the last couple of days, but she was too centered on her resentment to want to believe that they were real. She wanted to bring out the worst in Cassandra for everyone to see, and she hoped it would have made herself look better in the process.
"You have every right to if you choose," Lia replied. "I was looking for a fight and I was going to get one no matter what. I wanted the woman who appeared in that field and threatened everyone around her. I wanted a monster to show the world, but all I got was a woman who was trying to do better – and I hurt her."
Cassandra's lips parted before she shut them. She wanted to reply, but she could sense that Lia still had more to say. It would be best to hold her tongue until everything was spoken, she thought.
"I had witnessed many acts of violence that you had committed, but when I stood there, punching you, watching you cry and begging me to stop – all I could see was another woman. Not some monster that I had envisioned. I got so frustrated because I had imagined you as that, but the way you spoke told me that you were not the person I remembered you as. I wanted that monster to come out to make it easier for me. I needed to mask what I was doing."
Lia ran her hands through her hair and pulled on the ends of her fur cape that rested along her collar.
"I had so much hate inside my heart that I couldn't pull away. I was so caught up in it that I ignored the obvious. When my sister finally came and shouted my name I –"
Lia choked up as she tried to continue speaking, causing Cassandra to glance at her.
"I realized that the biggest monster in that room was me," the fawn said as a tear fell from her eye. "Despite everything that you had done, I was the one she was afraid of. I listened to your cries at that moment and I felt so guilty. Everything that I had felt beforehand just went away."
Cassandra sat still, closing her eyes with a whisper of breath. She didn't know what to say.
Lia rolled her lips before they broke into an open frown. The woman wiped her eyes again, an audible sniffle coming from her nose. She broke with a whimper, "I thought I was making things right, and now…I just feel so horrible! I've never harmed anyone before and I hate myself for what I did to you."
She began to cry as Cassandra listened to her sobbing. The brunette took no pleasure in seeing Lia so upset. The fawn had adopted the persona of a strict and restrained leader ever since they met, but to see her in such shambles was a dramatic turnaround from the way things had been.
Cassandra could not deny how angry the assault had left her. She felt victimized and naturally wanted revenge. The darker side of her soul would have wanted to see Lia endure all the pain that she had coming, but that side of her no longer held the majority.
There was the human side that had emerged in victory after the last few days of being here. She understood that her temperament was rooted in her own self-loathing, and no amount of infliction of torment on anyone else was ever going to diminish it.
She had found a side of herself that she had never known before – compassion.
The kindness that this world had given her proved to be her darker side's undoing. She wanted to see others smile and flourish, knowing that the same kind of joy she had received could be spread to them. It erased the sadness around her and the concept that she was nothing more than pure destruction was argued when the changes began.
She could not undo the past, but she could turn away from it.
And it all started with every new choice that she made. Every good action.
Nothing about it was easy – but she had to reach in and find it inside her.
"Lia," Cassandra's hand moved over and rested on the fawn's knee, "I forgive you."
In an instant, Lia halted her breathing with a low, sharp gasp. Her eyelids lifted and her stare fell on the woman beside her. She spoke in a voice so quiet that if anyone else was in the room, they would not have heard it, "What?"
Cassandra's eyes pressed as she drew in a long breath, fighting against everything she once was and prevailing over it all. "I can't let this cycle of violence continue. It has to end – now."
Lia carefully turned over to Cassandra, studying her for more signs of what she once thought was impossible. The fawn couldn't believe what she had heard; having not expected forgiveness to come her way. She had imagined that the brunette would have simply cast her away in anger.
All that she had originally hoped for was to be able to confess her sins, and that was all.
"I…I…" Lia was at a loss for words.
Cassandra's amber orbs drifted to her as she rested her head back against the wall; a slow shake followed soon after. "I've felt wronged before, Lia. In the past, I responded with only more violence. It never solved anything. It only created more problems. You hurt me, but I've hurt you too. I have hurt so many people. If I am so miserable because of that, what is hurting you going to change? You're already hurting. I can see that."
She gulped as another tear trailed down her pale and beaten cheek. "I'm done. No more."
Lia's hand began to shake vigorously as she brought it up to her mouth. Her eyes were pink with an impending outpouring of her troubles, which she struggled to keep in. Her breaths and words were just as shaky as she tried to learn more about Cassandra's reasoning, "But…I just…I just did it! You must still be so angry!"
"Leta saw everything I've done in my world. She saw what you were doing to me. She reacted just the same. In the end, it doesn't matter who is the one doing it," Cassandra remarked. "Violence is still violence."
"I just can't believe you would forgive me so easily," Lia said as she continued to cry, thinking about how she had allowed her own sister to fall victim to this. If she had been able to forgive Cassandra to some capacity in the past, then things would not have escalated to the point that they did.
"It wasn't easy," she stated, setting aside the fiery wrath she had cultivated throughout all her decades of existence. "But, I want to be free of it. It is the only way."
Cassandra looked back on all her previous victims, wondering if the same would be said to her if they still had a voice.
She sighed, knowing that her chances of forgiveness from the dead were long gone. "I want you to be free of it as well. You're not a killer, Lia. You're a good person who did something that they regretted immensely. You're a fawn. What did they teach about forgiveness?"
Lia coughed as she steadied her composure and cleared her throat. With a small voice, she reiterated the words that her elders had taught her so many years ago. The same words had come back to bite her as she discovered just how far she had strayed from those teachings.
"Do not seek to reprise one's misdeeds with the same. The circle of transgression has no end. The only way to step off the circle…" She paused as the last line mirrored her current situation, "…is to let go."
"I'm letting go," Cassandra said. "You should too."
Lia's face tensed as she began to cry uncontrollably. Her thin shoulders raised as she curled into a ball, broken at the thought of what she was so close to becoming. Hearing Cassandra's response proved that she had fallen from grace, as the woman she had so harshly judged was now closer to the teachings than she had ever been.
Cassandra could not bear to watch her wither with no support. She opened her arms and took Lia in; embracing her just as Milo had done for her after she was beaten.
The fawn's hands clenched Cassandra's dark robes, pulling them tight. "Thank you…"
Hearing Lia say that allowed Cassandra to release some of her negativity regarding the incident. She found comfort in how Lia had admitted her wrongs and even more so in how she reciprocated the resulting decision.
This is what made her feel better.
Cassandra caressed her fur cape with her hands, rubbing the fawn's back as she cried more against her shoulder. Tears dripped down onto the fabric of the brunette's dress, while some fell on her bare chest.
One tear, in particular, landed on the scar along her breast – reminding Cassandra of the life she had come from. At that moment, she found the opportunity that she had been waiting for.
It was time to let go of what had troubled her the most since she arrived here.
"I hit my sister in a fit of rage," she confessed to Lia.
Drawing her sobs to a close for the moment, Lia poked her head up at Cassandra with perplexed eyes. "You what?"
With a blink, one more tear escaped from below Cassandra's amber glow as she recounted that terrible evening.
"Daniela, my younger sister, went into a room where I kept all my hunting trophies. She found the biggest deer head that was there; one with exceptionally large antlers. She removed it from the wall and was looking at it before she accidentally dropped it. The trophy broke and she got so worried that she left it in the room. I eventually found it and I grew so angry. I tracked her down and confronted her about the broken thing, and scolded her. She apologized and offered to fix it, but I did not care. Later that night, mother tasked me to help her clean up all the books that she had in the library. I was still so angry about what she did, and when I saw her dancing around in her own, happy little world, I just couldn't take it."
Cassandra sniffled as she continued. Lia had calmed down by this point and anxiously looked on as she dreaded what would come next.
"We argued, with me insulting her after she told me I was being too rough with her belongings. I decided to take her favorite book and tear out the pages in front of her. She freaked out and tried to snatch it from me, calling me 'the worst sister.' I…"
Cassandra's tone drifted into a blur as her heartache rose to her throat, "I grabbed her by the head and hit her repeatedly, over and over. She screamed but I didn't care. When I was done, I continued to insult her before storming out. We all met for dinner that night and I was so prideful in what I did, that I continued to demean her, not caring about who she was or what she meant to me. My sister was never the same after that, and my life only got worse from then on out. I was already so angry at my life before this happened, and I took it all out on her."
She broke out into a sob just like Lia had. "All she wanted was for me to teach her how to hunt because she wanted to spend time with me. She wanted to be like me and that is what I did to her! I made her feel so scared."
Lia did not hesitate to take Cassandra in, switching roles as she understood that the scales of pain were bound to shift. She allowed the woman to rest her head against her own, nestling her arms around her.
The fawn's right hand came up and gently touched Cassandra's cheek, sweeping the tears that fell from their pre-determined path. Her fingers ascended to the back of her half-shaven head – the same one she had viciously mocked hours ago.
Lia now realized that the duality of Cassandra was more black-and-white than ever. While she had been instrumental in ending so many people's lives, she was a young woman who suffered greatly from her thoughts. She was hurting and needed to be saved.
Cassandra's knees bent as she sought to curl up into a ball and shrink away, but Lia's arm went under them and pulled her closer. Lost in the fawn's soft embrace, Cassandra could not hold back anymore, and a great flood of everything she had carried inside came gushing out.
It was several minutes before either of them could find the moment to speak, and Lia decided that she would seize the opportunity to ensure that this woman would not spend another second hating herself as much as she did.
"You're still her sister, Cassandra. It may not be easy, but this can be fixed," she said, thinking about how similar all of it was to their fateful encounter earlier, and how Leta ended up being the true victim.
The hair that draped down the right side of Cassandra's face was suddenly moved to the back. A gentle kiss touched her cheek, holding for two seconds as Lia's soft lips sent a radiation of warmth throughout the area.
Cassandra held the fawn's narrow wrist, sealing the placement of the woman's hand against her cheek. With those smooth, thin fingers circling her temple, the brunette pondered if such a thing were possible. She had been brutal in her delivery, regardless of how swift it was. Daniela was also a fragile soul whose trust in Cassandra had been shattered that night.
The way she was when they last encountered each other was a sign of irreversible damage. The redhead was plagued with a mental ailment that had worsened in the wake of the attack. Even Cassandra knew that something like that couldn't be taken back.
Yet, against all the signs that an attempt at doing so was destined to fail – Cassandra clung to the hope that it would work.
She needed to be hopeful to fight for it.
"Do you believe that?" She asked Lia.
With a nod, Lia smiled down at her, "I hated you, and yet, all that is gone as I see who you really are. She loves you. Does that not answer your question?" She offered a small giggle to lift her spirits.
Cassandra closed her eyes with a nod of her own. "Thank you," she said as the corners of her mouth pulled toward her cheeks. Lia moved her hand closer, allowing her thumb to navigate the very edge of what her two dark lips met. With a friendly tug, she lengthened the woman's smile by just a little bit more.
"Can I say…as much as you made me so angry over the last couple of days, you always did have such a beautiful smile. I was quite jealous of it."
With a small chuckle, Cassandra's bright teeth flashed from between her crimson lips. The compliment had succeeded in making her feel better, and as she sat in Lia's arms, the moment had gone from one of despair to one of healing.
"I'm still jealous," Lia remarked with a slight gleam, slowly removing her thumb.
"You have a beautiful smile too, when you decide to show it," Cassandra snickered to herself. Lia chuckled internally before drifting her hand over the brunette's mouth. While too comfortable to express concern, her amber eyes peeked over to see what the fawn was about to do.
"Don't worry," Lia whispered. "Let me do this."
A warm ball of heat emanated from under her hand, numbing Cassandra's skin as it radiated over her mouth and nose. The pain quickly diminished under the flow of her magic, and as soon as Lia removed her hand from the area, it was like everything was back to normal.
She flexed her nostrils, but there was no soreness. Moving her lips, there was no sting from the opened skin. Everything was healed.
"I feel…better," Cassandra remarked. "How did you do that?"
As humble as she could be, Lia explained the nature of her talent. "It's a fawn's greatest gift – repair. We can reverse wounds and it saves lives. It is only right that I undo the physical damage that I've done. I am so sorry that I did it to you in the first place."
Just as Lia was about to remove her hand from Cassandra's face completely, the brunette took hold of her wrist once more while using her free hand to clutch onto the sleeve of her gown. The fawn giggled as she turned her head to look at it before her eyes re-joined Cassandra's.
"Guess I'll stay," she said.
"So," Lia asked as she stared at Cassandra with a raised brow, "all of that over something called 'lipstick'?"
With a laugh, Cassandra nodded. "It was mother's favorite. She never found out it was me. It just turned up inside her room one morning."
"Hmm," Lia brought her finger to her mouth before raising it in the air. "Tell me again the purpose of this stick?"
Cassandra shrugged her shoulder, unsure of any other way she could explain it. "You apply it against your lips and they change the color of it. Mother loved it. I never had a thing for cosmetics, unlike my sisters."
The fawn was still confused. "How do you change the color back? Is it permanent?"
"No, you simply wash it off."
"Fascinating," her inquisitive reaction was just like Leta's. It was no wonder the two were related. "I'd be quite cautious if something like that were to get near me."
"A lot of men have fallen victim to it, mother has said…" Cassandra teased.
"So, it is dangerous!" Lia exclaimed as if her concerns had just been validated.
There was no way Cassandra could not laugh at her reaction, prompting the fawn to sag her shoulders. With a small tisk to her lips, Lia shook it off, rationing that she would never truly understand the ways of Cassandra's world.
Finishing off her laugh with a small giggle, Cassandra placed her hand on Lia's shoulder, "Think about everything I had to figure out when I arrived here."
Playfully swatting off her hand, Lia stretched her neck before she scooted around the bed to face her. "My world sounds more manageable than yours. You speak of unbearable temperatures and this unsightly large man who beckons people to provide him with 'patronage,' whatever that is. I'd rather spend my time here, thank you very much."
"You don't know what you're missing," Cassandra said before she glanced toward the window and immediately thought up a new idea. "You're in this castle all day, right? Maybe we can go to Acomb together. I'd need you to convince everyone that I am not a danger to Vasan."
"Ah, Vasan," Lia found amusement at the mere mention of the man's name. "He is something else, that's for certain."
Cassandra rolled her eyes, agreeing with the fawn's sentiment. "He is, but he didn't deserve what I did to him. I'm sure the whole town must be afraid of me at this point."
"Knowing Vasan," Lia rolled her eyes, "he is probably still defending you out there. The man has a big heart and his loyalty to it is commendable." A tiny smirk formed on her face as she giggled some more. "You know…he once offered it to me."
Why am I not surprised?
Cassandra breathed a tiny cackle, imagining the two of them together. While she herself was as heartless as they came, there was a way Lia conducted herself that would have surely kept Vasan stressed. It seemed as though he had a thing for strong-willed women. "If you find him to be so nice, why did you not take him up on that offer?"
Lia closed her eyes and shrugged one of her shoulders with a small hum to top it off. "He's not really my type – if I even have a type, I suppose." Her gaze opened up and drifted along the bedroom floor before ending at her legs. "I'm much too busy for love; between raising my sister and looking after things. Plus…"
She twiddled her fingers in the air, creating a blue glow. "My powers are too great of a gift for my inquisitive nature."
"What does that mean?"
"Well," she explained, "fawns are often not liked because while surges have the most powers, every fawn can perform some sort of magic. Touch is key, and if we wanted to, we can sense one's emotions – read them, in fact."
She finished with a sigh, "It is pretty invasive of one's privacy, and it breaches trust."
Cassandra donned a small grin, "And you do not trust others, I see."
"You could say that," she smiled.
"So," Cassandra needed to ask the burning question, "is that why you trust me more now?"
With her face somewhat shameful, Lia nodded in confirmation. Cassandra wasn't too surprised, as she expected that building any sort of friendship with the woman who was her greatest antagonist hours ago would take considerable time.
"I'm sorry," Lia said. "I just needed to see if you were being truthful to me. You sounded like you were but…I'm sorry, again. When I held your face, I could feel the immense remorse you had for everything you have done for people. While it still tears at my soul knowing what had happened to those women, the way you felt is what hit me. It was like you are a completely different person now. I can't explain it."
That darkness is the biggest scar I will ever carry. She's right, though. I'm not that woman any longer.
Cassandra still couldn't keep the dismay from appearing on her expression as they briefly revisited this conversation. She wanted to get past it but even she knew that it wasn't a one-and-done topic. Lia was being supportive, however, and that's what counted.
"My mind was always on a solid track back in my world. I never drifted away from the constant thoughts of killing before I arrived here. Something about your world, quite literally, opened my mind. I can't explain it either. I feel different, and it's helped. I just wish I could find forgiveness for everything I have done."
"Forgiveness cannot come from me in your case. Only the dead could forgive. But, atonement is another thing. I was so worried about who I was sending back to that world. As I said, I feared that you would continue to harm others," Lia said as glanced at Cassandra's frame. The brunette hardly looked the part of the ferocious killer that she once was.
"I'm not that Cassandra anymore," she affirmed.
Lia's hand slowly rose to touch her face once more. Cassandra consented to the action by leaning closer, allowing the fawn to touch her. Her soft palm landed on her cheek, while her fingers ran along the edges of her ear and remaining hair.
"Then be the Cassandra you want to be," Lia smiled, causing the brunette to do the same. The fawn could feel the emotions inside her, proving once again that her words were genuine.
She wanted to do better, having been inspired by what this world had shown her. She needed the release of her darkness, unable to stand the horrors of what had come before. For the first time in her entire life, she had hope that things would be better – because she would be better.
Her pale hand held Lia's wrist as the fawn navigated her palm upwards toward the shaven spot on her head. The sheer amount of comfort that it brought allowed Cassandra to put away her insecurities regarding the way her scalp looked, knowing Lia would not judge her.
The fawn offered some more words of sentiment to ensure her companion was not upset, "I am truly sorry about what I said to you earlier. I should never have mocked you. Whatever life has put you through, I do not understand – and I had no right to judge you."
"Thank you," Cassandra replied softly, unable to hold back her smile.
I needed to hear that.
"You're still beautiful," Lia said. "That is a gift life cannot take back from you."
Her fingers glided over to Cassandra's large temporal scar. This was the first time the fawn got to inspect it for herself; the vein-like streaks that surrounded the perimeter of it were peculiar in nature. She had never seen anything like that before.
Cassandra could still feel the warm touch of Lia's hand as she conducted her magic. The moment her fingers touched her scar, however, the fawn retracted her hand back in shock.
What?
Lia's eyes were wide open with a dire sense of urgency. Before the brunette could even react, she had returned her hand to her scalp and began to touch it again. There was an expression Lia held whenever she was deep in thought, and that expression right now was in total overdrive.
The fawn's eyes narrowed in while her lips rolled, only to part seconds after.
"What is it?" Cassandra became worried.
"Cassandra…" Lia closed her eyes as her magic heated up. She withdrew her hand again before opening them back up to the woman in front of her. She was just as anxious as the brunette was.
"…there is something inside your head."
NOTES:
Hope this was well-worth the wait for you all!
A lot of reconciliation in this chapter, as it seems the things our characters held inside needed to come out. Cassandra and Lia are on the fast-track to becoming friends, and I will say, the fawn can be quite likable when she's nice.
I also wanted to shed some more light on Lia's past, as well as Milo's. While there is still much more to be revealed, I hope the story about his daughter helps settle everyone's cravings for right now. I promise, more will come to light in later chapters.
Now, on the subject of 'things coming to light,' the next chapter is going to be one insane entry. Expect Cassandra to learn everything that she never knew, alongside more that will forever alter her course of life. It's going to hit hard and you won't be ready for how it ends.
That chapter will release on Saturday, March 11th.
I'll keep this note brief, but I just wanted to say that all of your feedback for this story is the best part of my day. To know that this is something you look forward to so much really speaks to me, especially because you are all such great readers and people! I hope life has been kind to you all, and I'm looking forward to posting the next chapter when it's ready!
Until then, stay happy and stay safe out there! 😊