Severus watched her over his plate, stealing glances at her laughing with her friends at the Gryffindor table. He hated seeing her in those colors, but they fit her well. They had returned to the castle earlier in the afternoon, Severus dropping her off at King's Cross before returning via Floo to his office from Spinner's End. She had asked to return with him, but Severus insisted that it would cause suspicion if she did. Truly, he couldn't give a rat's ass if it did. But he needed a few hours to think and decide exactly he would meet the Headmaster's expectations. Albus had visited him in the dungeons upon his arrival, reminding him of the ultimatum that had clouded his head for days, telling the potions master that he expected it to be done before the night ended. Fuck the Headmaster's orders, fuck the pain that ate him away as he sat there and watched her smile and look up at him from under her lashes. He had considered telling the old wizard to wank off, to ask her to meet him in the Astronomy Tower and gather her in his arms and tell her just how much he loved her. Hide their forbidden affair for a few more months until she was free of this school and he could sleep holding the only thing that made him feel human. He kept his eyes on her, his food untouched; the puffy dark circles under her eyes still remained, her hair pulled up. He wondered if her head still hurt like it did this morning when she woke, or if she had recovered from her hungover. He had let her sleep in, too afraid to let go of her, knowing that it would be the last time. At least when he lost Lily the first time, there was no anticipation. No dull ache in his heart as he waited for it to shatter. He wondered, if unlike Lily, she would forgive him for what he was to say to her.

He watched her load a plate full of strawberries, her eyes glittering mischievously at him as she bit into one. He offered her a tight-lipped smile. He wished she hadn't been so drunk the night prior. He longed for one last opportunity to feel her, touch her, hear her soft sighs and moans echo off the bedroom walls. He would miss her terribly after this.

He stood, his plate still full of now cold food. He hoped that she wouldn't notice him sneak out and follow him. He hoped that he could get one more night knowing that she was his, that he could lie to the Headmaster and say that he hadn't a chance to speak with her that night. He slipped into the corridor, the roaring of the Great Hall fading away as he made his way to the only place he could find peace.

Kate pulled her robes tighter around her, trying desperately to block out the bitter cold. It was snowing, a nice change from the rain at Spinner's End. She already missed the dreary home, but mostly the man she ad shared it with over the past week. She had gone down to his office to look for him after his sudden disappearance, but he was absent from all his usual hiding places. The wind whistled through the twisting staircase, blowing her hair into her face. It was far to cold for her to be venturing up into the Astronomy Tower, but she had grown accustom to a kiss goodnight from her professor and tonight would not be an exception.

Meredith had asked her about holiday, wanting every little detail of what she did. She felt terrible lying to her best friend, making up stories about her mother's home and how peachy everything was in Boston. She told tall tales of time spent with her mother, when really, she hadn't heard from Eliza since Frank had burst into her bedroom, drunk and furious over something she hadn't a clue about. Not even an attempt had been made to reach out to her daughter. She had given up on her mother many years prior, but she still cried to Severus over it after a few glasses of wine. The thought of wine made her head throb. Her mother was a drinker, just like her pathetic excuse of a husband. She pulled her hood up, teeth chattering in the cold. She was freezing. He owed her, making her run around like this. She thought about the massive claw foot tub in his quarters. A hot bath followed by one of his worn flannel bed shirts sound superb.

She reached the final step, met by an unexpected warmth. He stood with his back to her, in the parapet she sat in the first night they met. He must have set some sort of warming charm on the space to make it more bearable. His head was tilted up, his eyes locked on the stars blurred through the heavily falling snow. Moonlight washed over him, casting a long shadow over the stone floor. She wondered what he thought about in moments such as this, where his mind wandered to.

She cleared her throat, Severus turning to face her, "You're an incredibly hard man to find, Professor," she said, lips turned up into a smirk as she closed the distance between them.

"And yet you found me," he replied.

She stepped forward to wrap her arms around him, yet he stepped back, pulling away from him. He felt his heart crack is his chest as he watched her face fall, confusion evident on her beautiful face.

"We need to talk, Miss Blakewood."

Kate's heart dropped. Nothing good had ever come out of statements like that from him. She recalled the same words from the fall, when he kept her after class to tell her that their kiss was a mistake. She feared that something similar was to follow. "About what?"

Severus sighed, closing his eyes. He wanted to make this all go away, to wake up from this nightmare and be back in bed at Spinner's End listening to her snore in the dark. The look on her face, the confusion and fear and betrayal, made him feel physically ill. He had said nothing yet, but he already wanted to take it back. He wanted to pull her to him, apologize profusely for tainting the place that he cherished the most because it reminded him of her. This is the place where she brought light back into his dark, pathetic, angry life. He hated every moment he was alive after she died, after he held the limp body of the woman he loved more than anything while her child wailed behind him. After Lily, he wanted to die. He would come up to this tower and contemplate throwing himself off it meant he could see her again. But Katherine made him feel alive. She made this place a beautiful memory. In a matter of months and in the span of a week, she picked up all of the broken pieces and left behind a man that he actually wanted to be. He had done horrific things, hurt so many people and left devastation in his wake, but she looked at him so purely that he nearly forgot the monster that he thought himself to be. He wanted to take it all back and take her into his bedroom and hold her. He wanted to tell her. But instead, he did what a good solider did; followed orders.

"We cannot continue with this, Miss Blakewood."

He felt the he might vomit. Her face broke him. Heartbreak, then confusion, then anger, coming full circle back to heartbreak. She shook her head, silent denial of what she was hearing, "Don't do this, Severus."

"The past week, although it was incredibly enjoyable, was inappropriate. This-this thing between us cannot continue. I'm sorry." Incredibly enjoyable. What the fuck was he saying. It was incredible. Beautiful. Magical. He had cherished every moment, every kiss, every meal at that terrible Italian restaurant two blocks away, every afternoon they spent in the study or curled up on the couch. He loved every moment of it.

"You're sorry?" her voice hardly above a whisper, tears welling in her eyes, "Was this all just a charade then? Some elaborate scheme to get me into your bed?"

"It was never about that-,"

"What was it about then?" she snapped, her voice shaky as tears began to roll, "What was last night? This past week? These past few months? If this was all just a mistake, why all of that?"

"I do care for you, Katherine,"

"Bullshit," she snapped. He hated every moment of this. Heartache had become anger once more. Her whole frame shook, but Severus knew it wasn't from the cold. "If you cared for me you wouldn't be doing this."

"It is because of my care for you that I have to."

"What are you so damn afraid of, Severus?"

He swallowed hard, unsure of what to say. He knew exactly what he was afraid of, rubbing the mark that he feared would turn her away from him. He expected her to fight, he expected her to be angry, but the one thing he couldn't prepare himself for was how badly this would pain him.

"If I were to tell you, you'd never want to see me again."

She snorted, "Really? That's all you have to say?"

She was pushing at him, searching for an answer he wasn't sure she wanted to hear. She deserved to know. She deserved to understand who he was. His fingers found the shirt cuff, pulling up the fabric that hid his darkest secret. Students would assume, professors knew who he was, but he had anted to hide it from her. But now she needed to understand. He held his arm out to her, waiting for the look of disgust when she saw what was permanently etched into his flesh. But at the sight of the Dark Mark branded into his forearm, she didn't even so much as flinch. She stared at the raised pink skull and serpent. He pulled back slightly when her cold fingertips came into contact with his skin, brushing over the raising skin gently. She shook her head slowly as she looked up at him, her cheeks stained with tears. It was his turn to be confused. Her voice was quiet, "I slept next to you for days. You honestly assumed that I didn't notice?" he opened his mouth, but Katherine held up her hand, "Christmas Eve. I saw it on Christmas Eve. I could have jumped out of bed and screamed and ran. But I stayed. Because that is not who you are. That is not the man I know."

"I'm sorry." He repeated.

"You don't have to do this."

"You don't understand, Katherine," he said. She had no idea that her attempts were working. That his mind had never truly changed and that the opinions of another were the only reason for this. He wanted to tell her everything about Dumbledore's visit, make her understand why he had to do this even though it sickened him to hurt her like this. She was too kind, too forgiving. "I have to do this."

Tears streamed down her face, Katherine trying to hold back the sobs that desperately wanted to tumble out of her. "No, you don't."

Severus dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, "I am so sorry, Katherine."

He reached out to touch her arm, to hold her one last time and help her to understand just how sincere he was, but she stepped back. "No," she whispered, "Don't touch me."

She turned on her heel, her sobs echoing through the tower as she ran down the stairs, away from the man who she thought could have actually loved her. Severus wanted to run after her, but he stayed planted where he stood, his hand still reached out for her. Once again, he felt empty. He felt broken. He felt numb. Severus wanted her to turn around, come running back to him. He wanted to call after her, pull her into his arms and make her understand why he did this to her. He spoke into the darkness, knowing it would never reach her ears.

"I love you."

Kate burst into her dormitory, Meredith looking up at her from the magazine she had been thumbing through. Her whole body ached with heartache, his words repeating over and over in her ears. All of that time, all of those lies. She had allowed him to make her fall in love with him and he had thrown her to the side like a child's toy that they no longer fancied. She threw herself on to her bed, a little dramatic for her liking but she wasn't in her usual state of mind, sobbing loudly into her pillow; wailing like a child.

Meredith rose from her bed quickly, coming to the aid of her heartbroken friend. She lifted Kate's head into her lap, stroking the distraught girl's hair, "Katie dear, what is the matter?" she asked, concern on her tone. She considered sending another girl to get Professor McGonagall, or perhaps Madam Promfrey. Katherine coughed, her heavy sobs agitating her body. She gripped her best friend's forearm, clinging to her, hoping that she wouldn't leave as well.

"He's gone, Mere!" she wailed, "And he didn't even care!"

Meredith wrinkled her brows, not remembering any mention of a boy, nor a boy that would have her this upset, "Who is gone, Katie? Who are you talking about?"

Katherine sniffled, "I need you to promise me you won't tell."

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-DCAGP xo