He was cold after that night. The warmth that had buzzed through him before his return to the castle had been blown away with the icy winds in the Tower, leaving him chilled to the bone for days to come. He remained cold to his students, keeping up the persona of the strict and unforgiving professor and masking the pain the only way he knew how; by pushing everyone else away. He put up walls to protect the ruins of the palace they had built together. Her look of betrayal had been so much like the redheaded girl's look years prior, reminding Severus of why he never let the people around to become close to him. The pain he brought to them, the hurt and the sadness, was always too much to bear. His bed had felt so much colder that night as he laid there, replaying the event over and over and wishing he could rid himself the memory of it, wishing he could go back to the prior days. He wondered if Dumbledore knew exactly what he had taken from him, taking her from him. After the choices he had made, after falling into the grasp of the Dark Lord, watching his best friend be tracked and slaughtered like animal, he had never thought himself capable of a normal life. He had known that their relationship was wrong; unethical and inappropriate. But when she had handed him his tea in the mornings, kissing him softly and uttering a quiet "good morning", he felt as normal as he could have for the first time in a long time.

She had been absent from breakfast the following morning. He had sat, staring down at food that didn't interest him, head pounding from the half bottle of burning liquid he had used to try to numb himself the night before. He wondered if she had slept terribly as well, or at all. Miss Rowling had stared up at him from where she was sitting, and from the dirty look she shot up at him, it was evident that she knew. He knew that part of him should have been terrified that she knew; the possibility that Meredith Rowling's big mouth would open and the exaggerated rumors of the potions master shagging his student would be spread through the corridors was incredibly high. Katherine didn't need that. She had already been through enough. And with how adamite the Headmaster had been about Severus severing the ties between him and his Gryffindor, rumors would not be in his favor as well. But part of him was relived, finding comfort in the thought that she had someone who was looking after her. How must it be to friends to help you through the ache of heartbreak. The only person he wished to seek comfort in was beyond his reach… Lily always knew exactly what to say. She would have laughed, of course he had found himself in a situation like this. He could never choose an easy path. He missed her.

And now he sat in his armchair in the library, listening to her voice carry through the bookshelves. It was Sunday, nearly eight days after the night in the Astronomy Tower. Second years today. In a moment of self-loathing taken out on his students, he had assigned his second-year students a massive essay due Monday morning. He didn't quite think about the hours it would take to grade them by himself. He wasn't sure who he was actually punishing with the overload of work; himself or his students. And how ironic that she was the one now having the deal with the aftermath of his self-pity; circling a table of nervous students and helping them to meet the expectations of his grading that she knew all too well.

"He's such a foul git, Kate," one boy spoke. Matthew McKinnon. Hufflepuff. The boy was actually quite talented at the subject; innovative and creative, advanced beyond his years although Severus would never tell the boy that. He always did enjoy going over the boy's work, as it showed at least one child in that incapable class paid attention.

"Part of your studies is having assessments, Matthew. And some so happen to be more rigorous than others. So please, stop complaining and just get it done." She stated blatantly. She sounded exhausted, her voice hoarse and raspy. She wanted to make herself something hot to drink, take something to rid her of the pounding in her head, and curl up under the quilt that hung over the back of the sofa and listen to him read aloud, lean into the back of the sofa and be overwhelmed by the sound of her father's voice and the smell of his cigars. Murphy had always her been instant remedy when her life felt as if it had been shaded over in gray. Growing up she had rolled her eyes at all of his metaphors and sayings, but with a newly broken heart, she longed to hear some corny words of wisdom. She wondered what her father would have thought of him.

"But it's rubbish!" the young boy argued, "He even took points away from us! We didn't even do anything wrong!"

"Matthew!" she snapped. Bloody hell, her head throbbed. She massaged her temples with her fingertips, "Just-. Just write the bloody paper."

"Are you alright, Kate? You don't look well…"

"I'm alright. I just haven't been sleeping well. I must be getting ill," she lied. She knew damn well why she wasn't sleeping, "I think you all understand the material well enough. Off to dinner now," she said.

There was a burst of noise, disturbing the peace of the library that Severus found solace in. The chaotic rustling of parchment being shoved into book bags mingling with the buzz of chatter came in a quick roar, carrying away into a quiet nothingness as the students filtered out of the library. There was a moment of silence, Severus relishing in the moment of peace. He finally had thought himself to be alone, until sound of nearing footsteps padded through the hushed bookshelves.

"Katie," Meredith called, "Walk with me to dinner?"

There was a soft thump of a book being closed, Severus ducking his head when it came darting around the corner and through the labyrinth of bookshelves. Severus leaned forward, resting on his knees, desperate to hear her voice. He didn't understand what about her made him so god damn pathetic; why he was reduced to a spying school boy like he was so many years ago, following yet another girl who broke his heart. Surely, it had just been a fling. Something so incredibly short and insignificant that they would forget in the years to come. Yet here he was, listening in on her conversations like the real foul creep his students thought him to be. He wondered if that was who he was destined to be the angry, brooding, hateful professor who tormented his students due to his own personal loathing. In fact, he had already been that person for so long that he wasn't sure he was capable of being anyone other than that.

"I'm not hungry. I think I will just go back to the dormitory. I have studying to finish before classes in the morning." He had never heard her so short before. Usually the girl wouldn't shut up; she would chatter on for ages like she was bothered by any inkling of silence. It was insufferable, how she insisted to fill every possible second with her noise. He missed it terribly.

"Kate, you have been eating like a bird. You can't skip a meal," Meredith argued, her voice lowering, "I'm starting to worry about you."

"I'm fine, Mer." She said quickly, like she was trying to convince herself too, "I don't need you to worry after me."

"I know this all is hurting, Katie. You've been acting like this for days now. I know he meant a great deal to you, but you have to-,"

"I said I'm fine, Mer!" she snapped. There was a pause, followed by a sigh, "I'm sorry. This all-I just-I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Just come eat something. It's not healthy. Things will get easier," Meredith said.

Severus listed as footsteps moved towards the main corridor, taking it as an opportunity to slip away without being noticed by her. He gathered the parchment that he had left untouched, tucking it carefully into his bag before taking the corner from his cozy corner to escape to the dungeons. But when he turned, he found himself come to a complete stop.

Her head was down, hands in her bag as she tried to make space for her charms textbook. She looked up from the long table, brown eyes boring into black. Her eyes were bright red, ringed with dark, exhausted circles. Her skin was puffy and irritated. She had been drinking. He had woken up to her hangovers; the headaches that would keep her curled up beside him until he would retrieve her some potion from the medicine cabinet. Between the sight of her bloodshot eyes and the strong smell of whisky and cigarettes that wafted from her, he knew she had been numbing her pain in the same way as he had. Her skin was dull, hair frizzy and unwashed, pulled up into a mess of a bun. She looked exhausted. She looked broken. She looked dull. He did that to her. He looked over the wrinkled clothes she was wearing; his black sweater that she had slept in hung over her small frame. She stared back at him. He was unshaven, the skin under his eyes a deep purple. He looked awful; tired and unkempt. She stared at him, the two frozen in place. She wanted him to say something to her, to explain why he had to hurt her like this and make her feel so small. But instead, he just stared at her. He wanted to grab her, pull her close to him and hold her, explain everything. He wanted to tell her the words he had been so damn afraid to tell her, beg for her forgiveness and make things right again.

But instead, he said nothing. Not a single word exchanged.

Instead, she gathered her things, and walked away from him once more.

Severus tossed his bag onto his desk, dragging his fingers through his hair as he entered his office. He undid the top two buttons of his dress shirt, settling into his chair. But as he sat, he noticed the foreign object placed in the middle of his desk. He lifted the petite porcelain plate, examining the slice of lemon pound cake that sat on it.

"Your birthday is coming up," she had said, massaging her floral moisturizer into her hands before drawing the sheets back, settling into bed next to him, "How would you like to celebrate?"

He lifted his arm, eyes still fixed on his book as she settled onto his chest, pressing a kiss to his neck, "I will never understand your need to 'celebrate' everything, Katherine. It's quite childish, really."

"Oh, Severus, ever the optimist," she teased, "It's your birthday. We have to do something special."

"Really, Kate, it's not as big of a deal as you are making it to be," he argued, flipping the page, "Its only my twenty-third birthday. It's not that important." He squinted at the paperback, absentmindedly running his fingers through her curls, "So this is what muggles consider to be the 'Great American Novel'? Expectations of quality literature are surely lower in the muggle world."

"There are many novels considered to be the 'Great American Novel'. This is only one of them. Loads of people enjoy The Great Gatsby, dear."

"Loads of morons."

"Then stop reading it."

"No, I'm enjoying it. And I'm nearly finished with it."

"Severus, don't ignore my question."

"And your question being?"

She rolled onto her stomach, snatching the book from the raven-haired man's hands despite his protests and setting it onto the bedside table, "Your birthday. What would you like to do?"

"I do not care, Katherine. May I return to my book now?"

"No. Cake preference? Gift ideas?"

"I do not gifts. Nor am I a fan of sweets."

Kate swatted at his hand as he reached for his book, "Liar. You've eaten everything I have brought into this house. Now what would you like."

"If you must so desperately know, I do quite fancy the lemon pound cake at Honeyduke's. Book, please."

Katherine smirked as she handed her companion the paperback, pressing a kiss to his lips before returning to his chest, "Don't be up too late."

"No promises."

Severus picked up the small square card that laid next to the plate, looking over her loopy cursive;

Happy birthday, Sev.

She always found a reason to celebrate.

Hello lovelies,

I'm trying to update as frequently as I can! So far, Sam Smith's The Thrill of It All album has been a huge inspiration for the last few chapters. The song Palace has been a huge inspiration for this chapter and The Thrill of It All served as a major inspiration for the last. Give them a listen as you read. Thank you all for being so loyal to this story!

- DCAGP xo