TRIGGER WARNING: Symptoms of disassociation, panic attacks and hallucinations.

Please heed this warning. :)

Also, pretty short chapter.

The ceiling, despite being poorly lit, felt unfamiliarly nostalgic.

The thin blanket did nothing to combat the cold biting your bare feet. The couch you laid in was stiff and you liked it. There were parts of the couch where your warmth plagued and you gladly snugged in, exploiting this rare chance that you were this comfortable.

When your nose brushed over the leather, you were glad it didn't smell like rubber and old sweat.

You didn't expect to be this comfortable, and you certainly… don't remember… wearing a full-sleeved, cuffed sh…irt…

Sleepiness gone and out of the window but never mind that— just whose clothes are you wearing?

You brashly brushed aside the blanket, discovering that you were now on this collared, boxy, and from what you could tell, a faintly gray shirt.

Maybe Nanaba's? Nope, she wears gray but never collared. Hange's? No, they wear yellow collared shirts. Petra's? Your girl wears white. Nifa's? Nah, you have yet to introduce yourself to her and you never see her.

You caressed the buttons. Right side, meaning a man's—

You gasped. Did a man change your clothes?

Saw you… naked ?

You abruptly sat up, tactilely searching your body for more clues. You noticed the new tightness around your head and your ankle which only meant that the bloodied bandages on the floor were yours.

And beside it was a pail of water.

A bowl with bloodied towels…

Empty, used syringes…

A suture kit.

Your filthy clothes.

You paused. Surely you get things wrong very rarely but this might be one of those times you were glitching.

You chuckled, humorlessly.

Wait.

Who was the last person with you?

Your eyes trailed for familiar signs of your whereabouts. It's familiar, alright— the unexciting, exceedingly boring, nonexistent signs that someone breathes here everyday?

You nodded, licking your lips. Yeah, you knew whose office it was, and it did nothing but excite you that you were in Levi's office.

You quickly stomped the butterflies. They're lovely to look at, but ugly as fuck when you feel them.

You repulse skinship. The mere thought of a man holding your hand makes you want to skin yourself alive; a vision of a heartfelt hug where your genitals are aligned tightens your jaw.

Why would anyone want that? Ick is all that you feel.

So there is no reason for you to remember the memory of him carefully tending to your wounds, taking his time to know the lines of your palms, the wrinkles of your fingers or the prospect of him removing your clothes, seeing you without them— touching you everywhere and taking upon himself to change you to his shirt.

Sexually Repressed Phoebe: But you like that, don't you?

"Shut up." You murmured, feigning a shiver.

Your focus was stolen by the scurrying noises on the other side of the door, shadows from the gap of it said two people were standing on the doorstep.

"Go and get your rest, you've done more than enough." Levi's throaty voice was muffled behind the door. You wondered who he was talking to.

"I-I'll just take the things inside and I'll be off, Captain." Petra's unsure notes surfaced underneath the confident words, so opposite of her usual cordial tone.

The sack of shit didn't even care to reply.

There was silence between them.The unmoving shadows of their toes told you that both of them didn't know how to carry on with the conversation, or how to decently end it.

Your breath hitched at the sudden sound of the twisting knob, ignoring the nauseating frame-by-frame visions when you turned your neck to the door to meet their gazes.

"Sorry," You didn't know what you were apologizing for, but it seemed appropriate when your eyes were fixed on them like a burglar caught red-handed.

"I'm sorry sir." And apologized again, when you discovered their expressions were both surprised.

When you reached for the bloodied towels, you could hardly flex your fingers. When you knelt, your knees hurt. Not just your knees, your whole body felt hurt by the slightest movements. The sudden swing of your neck sent your vision to haywire. Every part of your body was crunchy.

Maybe this is the side effect Nanaba was talking about.

"I'll help out—"

Petra knelt before you, putting her hand on top of yours.

Don't lift a single thing and stay here. Petra's eyes spoke a language that only women usually understand.

I want to go with you! Your eyes begged.

Petra slightly shook her head. Her lips were pressed together, and there was earnestness in her eyes from the candlelight's shine. Petra took her time to stare at you for some weird reason but you were too preoccupied in thinking of ways to either leave with her, or make her stay with you.

"Stay, please." You mouthed, your eyes fixed on Petra's amused expression. She gave your hand a gentle squeeze, a teasing wink, then gathered the rest of the things, walked to the door and left.

And all that there was were two people so unwilling to talk to each other.

Levi leaned on the windowsill, his back completely turned to you. If he could only turn around and see what expression he was wearing, but from the telling of the back, he looked… angry.

Those tensed shoulders, hooved posture and tight pinch on his fingers against the windowsill said that.

You waited for him to say something. Wait.

Sheep number one.

Sheep number two.

Sheep number th—

"Did you plan something while I was out?" You couldn't help it, you wanted to know the wheres and hows now. After all, if you were planning to save Miche, you better start planning now, having so little time to prepare.

Levi still didn't speak or show signs he will be. He was fixated in clutching the edge of the windowsill, his head bowed to the floor. You got curious what this whole act was all about.

But by the way, how long were you out?

Your eyes snapped on the ticking clock, its hands pointed on an alarming hour that pumped nothing but pure adrenaline in your veins.

"Sir Levi," You didn't expect your voice to be this shaky and rushed. "Sir, was Commander Erwin able to come up with a plan to take down—"

"We plan to evacuate the people in Dauper and Ragako tomorrow." His tone was breathy, you hardly heard him. His form, stiff and unmoving. If anything, his thumbs only pressed the concrete window sill even harder by the contours of his forearms against the candlelight. You let him continue.

"We'll tell the residents there's a breach in the wall."

"And then sir?" You heard him sigh in response.

"Sir?" Nothing.

"Then," He paused, "Then we'll separate the targets in the villages, and take them on."

You nodded to respond, even when Levi wasn't looking. The way you looked at it, the legion is at an advantage and it made sense to attack while Reiner and Bertholdt are clueless. Even when more than half of the veterans were obliterated, they might have a chance to take on the colossal and armoured titan separately if caught by surprise.

"And you're out of commission, Private."

"What?" You could feel the surprise quickly turn to anger.

"You heard me."

"But if I didn't tip you sir—"

"We appreciate the tip, but you're-you're useless as… as of the moment and you'll… you'll get in the way. Don't try to do funny shit again."

Levi didn't even pay you a glance. Your anger simmered above your throat, an electrifying coldness shocked you from head down to your fingertips—

"Get out of here."

"You can't just brush me off sir, this is just a minor injury— "

"Minor? A head injury is minor?" You could hear the mockery generously dripping from his breathy tone and fuck it — you're tired, crossed and too hungry to let self-restraint speak for you.

"Your squad would have been obliterated if it wasn't for me." Your words fizzled along with the details about him. There was a gradual rise in your tone; like a teasing simmer transitioning to a full blown boil.

"I saved your people today, and you couldn't even protect one!" And you swung your words, letting it bite and burn him with guilt— your anger didn't care if it crucified him with his sins.

" You couldn't protect the people who look up to you!" Your finger accused him; your steps, to him.

"They're people Levi—"

"Some scouts' lives are more valuable than others— only those who're dumb enough to acknowledge that, join us." Levi hastily responded, as if he was out of breath.

"So I guess you won't let me because I'm valuable huh? So it's okay if they die outside— after all, as long as you get to those titans, they've served their purpose! Good job at dying, right?"

"Get out—"

"You keep experimenting on Eren's titan without anything to come up with— do you enjoy his suffering? You put him in needles and blades and hope for the best, right? After all, he's a massive weapon for this place, he could do it!"

You didn't know when your jeering turned to heaps of gradual hitches, a knot stuck in your throat, then bouts of violent air that just kept interrupting you whenever you speak—

And it was surprising.

But nothing prepared you when the humanity's strongest soldier slowly turned around.

Levi slowly ran his trembling fingers through his hair, his eyes unfocused despite darting everywhere.

Breathy to laboured breathing, struggling to speak, shaking fingers, profuse sweating— all of these looked…

"Levi?" You shot a call, urgently limping towards him all while struggling to think. How— how do you deal with people with panic attacks?

Something— there must be something you could do.

"Stay here I'll…" Your hand was suspended in the air, a few inches short before Levi's trembling form.

You shouldn't do it. You shouldn't ask for help because there is a reason why the strongest of people bear it all alone.

After all, you've done the same.

You were losing him from his delusions, from memories that were once there, and if there was something you could do for him, it was this one act you wished someone did for you, if only you allowed yourself to be seen.

Your shaking fingers tested the waters. You slowly, gently held his cold, trembling fingertips, scared to be shoved in case his flashbacks consisted of countless expeditions.

You softly called out his name, hoping the gentleness would snap him from the bellows and warcries he was in.

"It's not real." Your breath hitched. "It's not real. You're in the room, Levi. No one's coming. You're safe here—" You got braver when his blank, unfocused stare slowly glimmered to yours.

"Hey," You whispered, gentler than gentle, slowly devouring the spaces of his hand with your shaking fingers.

"I'm here." And then, you devoutly held his unsteady gaze,

"You're okay." Until you were sure enough that he was with you.

Levi tried to stand, only for his knees to fail him. He clutched the edge of his table, propping himself up, only for his forearms to fail him still.

All while his eyes were removed from yours, as if it was dishonorable that someone saw the humanity's strongest soldier, in a state where he failed to live up with that name.

Guilt struck you. The hero has his weakness, like everybody else.

"I saved your people today, and you couldn't even protect one!"

" You couldn't protect the people who look up to you!"

"I—" You promptly stood, unlinking your fingers from his now, completely turning your back from him. Now unsure of what to do. Apologizing will make him feel like a disappointment, addressing what you just saw will make him feel shameful.

Weak.

An utter failure when the expectation deems you as infallible.

Those were the feelings you were too familiar with, you considered them old friends.

"Phoebe—"

"I didn't see anything sir." You cut him off, "I'll… I'll take my leave now."

You didn't wait for a reply. You limped to the door, not looking back.

Soon, you heard the thud of his body on the other side of the door, wondering if he finally let his guard down now that he's alone.

The strongest bears it all.

The strongest can never be honest.

Because if Levi did, it wouldn't be called honesty; it would be called complaining.

And you knew the strongest can never complain.

To me, this chapter looked too undone. Maybe it's the word count, or the chapter didn't end on a cliffhanger or a satisfying resolution... but I think it's because OC needs to process things first.

I kinda hated it when she chose to leave him, but she has to. Also I think it'll be down right corny to have her comfort him then and there. They're still not that... open and vulnerable to each other.

But before that, Miche's safety is her priority.

Which brings us to the next chapter. Miche. Beast titan. Reiner and Bertholdt, and Eren's kidnapping.

PS. We won't see Ymir into action. I'll reserve her. :) Byeee.