Just a little ficlet about my favs, as the recent one-shot has catapulted me headfirst back into M9 fluff hell. Of course, I don't own any rights to Critical Role. Enjoy!
The idea of falling in love was something that had never crossed Essek's mind in his entire life. The thought of relying on someone else for anything had been incomprehensible to him; others were fickle and uncertain, with their own means and motives. The only person he could ever truly trust was himself. And that loneliness had comforted him, knowing that he could never be betrayed by others if he never trusted them in the first place. But then, as everyone who knows him now will know the story, he encountered the boundless and seemingly unending adoration and trust of The Mighty Nein, who seemed to want nothing more than to welcome him into their family. At first, Essek had scoffed at such gestures. Did they really think they could pull him away from his task of watching them for the Bright Queen with a few kind smiles and offers of dinner? But after a while, whether out of curiosity of their questions or weariness from their persistence, he eventually agreed to one, single dinner with them... and then another, and another. And before Essek had even realised what was happening to him, he found his heart warming at Jester's loving words and Caduceus' kind insights, smiling to himself at Beau and Nott's ridiculous antics, respecting Fjord's leadership and Yasha's strength, and a pull towards Caleb that felt almost cosmic in nature. He found himself caring for them all. And, for a while, that became a problem. One of the biggest problems he had ever faced. He had spent his whole life not caring for others so that he would never be betrayed, but now he was the one who would commit such a betrayal. For as long as he lives, Essek knows he will never forget the look on Caleb's face when they had confronted him about stealing the beacon. He knows now that Caleb has long since forgiven him and, maybe in time, Essek may learn to grant himself that same forgiveness. But he also knows that night on the docks will forever haunt him. At least now he has Caleb by his side. And neither of them had any intention of leaving any time soon.
After that night, he had run. Run from his nation, run from his fear, run from himself. He needed to get as far away from everything as he could, but especially away from his own heart and emotions. So, he had run to the most isolated, distant, solitary place he could think of- Eiselcross. And he had stayed there, alone and in peace. Until, stumbling quite literally through his door, came the group of people he had been trying the hardest to get away from. And as soon as they started to talk, to tell him of their intentions and even ask for his help, he knew his heart was lost to them all. So, he agreed to help them with their utterly insane, world-saving plan. He had assumed that he probably wouldn't survive, but hoped that his last days could be filled with hope and love, in an attempt to repent for all the sins he had committed in his relatively short life so far. But, either by their combined power or sheer dumb luck or a bit of both, he survived; they all did. And they even managed to rescue one who had seemingly fallen to darkness and bring him back to the light; or at least, the part of him that could be saved. They were done, they were safe, and they were home. Because, Essek realised, it didn't matter where they were in the world; to him The Mighty Nein were his home.