Author's notes: Hi everyone.

Thank you once again for your reviews and support with this story! I really do appreciate it!

Once again, I apologize for any spelling/grammatical errors that may make it harder to read this chapter. Hope it's good enough to be readable, at the very least.

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

This was a nightmare.

What was happening in front of her, Asuka knew it was a nightmare, just like before. This time, however, there was no calm before the storm. There was no moment of peace. She was immediately put into reliving the torturous battle with Unit 03. She didn't get the chance to talk to him again, like she wanted to.

Instead, Asuka watched over and over as her Unit 02 ripped Unit 03 apart limb from limb and crushed the contaminated Entry Plug with Shinji in it for the billionth time. She knew this was a nightmare, but it didn't help make it feel any less real. This time, fortunately, or unfortunately, instead of her body moving on its own, it was her Unit 02 moving by itself as it destroyed Unit 03 and the Entry Plug. But she could still feel the feeling of the metal being crushed by her hands and blood splattering all over them.

She was in this dream long enough to know that it was futile to try to stop her EVA from crushing the Entry Plug. Any amount of effort she tried to stop her Unit 02 was proven futile. All she could do was have her eyes closed and hold her head and beg for this dream to stop. Begging to herself to wake up. Asuka's head shook each time she heard that damn crushing sound. No matter how hard she closed her eyes to block out the sequence from repeating, she could still see the Entry Plug with Shinji's smiling face being crushed.

"Please no more." She begged.

RIP TEAR

CRUSH

"Please."

RIP TEAR

CRUSH

"Just stop."

RIP TEAR

CRUSH

"I don't want to see this! I've had enough! This is MY dream! Why are you showing me this over and over?"

Asuka then heard a voice call out to her, "I don't blame you." It was Shinji's voice coming from the Entry Plug.

She shook her head harder while keeping her eyes closed, "I don't want to hear this! Not again!"

"I'm sorry I won't be able to cook for you," he now took the place of the Entry Plug in the red EVA's hands, just like in the previous dream. "I'm sorry I won't be able to keep my promise to train with you and play music with you-"

"Just shut up, damn it!"

"-and I… like… you… and good-bye." No matter how hard she tried to look away, no matter how hard she tried to close her eyes and block her vision, Shinji's smiling face kept appearing in front of her. His image wouldn't go away.

She shook her head as she frantically repeated, "I don't want this. I don't want this. I don't want this."

But nothing happened.

There was no sound that indicated his death nor the image of him being crushed appeared in front of her. Instead, it was just silence and his smiling face. She froze, letting the long awaited calm and silence fill her dream. "Is it over?" Hoping that the nightmare was finally over, Asuka dared to open her eyes, taking a good look at his smiling face.

Is this her chance to finally talk to him? To hold him like she wanted to in her dream?

"Idiot Shin-"

CRUSH

Her eyes widened at the trick and horror her mind played onto her.

"Shinji!" She reached out, tears streaming down her face.

Asuka finally woke up from her nightmare in cold sweat, seeing the ceiling of her room with her arm reaching out with a freshly wrapped bandage applied to her wrist. Tears streamed down her face.

She managed to take off her A10 interface hair clips and change into her pink sleeveless pajama with red shorts before going to sleep. She could still feel the fresh bandages around her forehead that Misato forced her to put on last night before heading to bed. The blanket was thrown off of the bed from her constant thrashing caused by her nightmare. The room felt cold to her. But that didn't matter to her… not right now.

She put both palms of her hands over her eyes. "Damn it… Idiot Shinji…" Even though it was just a dream, it was so vivid. In her dreams, she could feel the Entry Plug being crushed by her hands each time with the leftover bloody remains on her hands.

Every word that Shinji ever said in that dream rang in her ears.

And, "You didn't show this time…" Asuka gritted her teeth, "Why didn't you show up this time?" She was hoping to see Shinji greet her in the apartment like before. She wanted to see him in her dream in the apartment to hug him, to make sure that he won't ever get out of her grasp, at least in her dream.

But he never showed, the apartment dream never happened. Instead, Asuka found herself in her EVA with her Unit 02 ripping Unit 03 apart and crushing the Entry Plug… and Shinji.

Then it hit her...

That one time really was his final good-bye to her.

She brought her hands a bit away from her face so that she had a better view of them. She saw Shinji's blood in her hands and pieces of the battle replying in her mind. The Second Child closed her eyes and frantically shook her head. When she opened her eyes once more, the blood on her hands with the sound and images of the battle disappeared.

"Damn it…" Asuka put her arm over her eyes and covered them both, to prevent any more tears from spilling out. The other arm slammed onto the bed, "Damn it all."

"Why did this have to happen? Why did you have to leave? Why did it have to be my own pathetic weakness that caused this?..." She bit her lips, "Why can't things go back to the way they once were?"

Her train of thoughts broke when she heard someone yell from the dining room, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'NO'?"

"Misato," Asuka looked at the clock on the stand next to her bed. It was after noon. She did not care that she overslept or the fact that she missed school, not that she was planning on going anyways. She got up and walked to the door, putting her ear on it to better hear what her guardian was saying.

"Oh, that's a load of bull and you know it! He hasn't shown any affection to him nor has he ever taken care of him for over ten years. For god's sake, he-…" Asuka couldn't make out the next few words as they sounded jumbled together for her to make any sense. "-and NOW he chooses to pull the 'parent' card? Shinji deserves a proper-... He-" There was a short silence. "FINE! But this isn't over!" There was a loud noise as Misato slammed her phone down.

The grown woman was heard plopping down onto the dining room chair and her hand slamming onto the table, "Damn it…"

It didn't take much for Asuka to figure out what Misato was talking about. She wanted to have a proper burial for Shinji but, for some unknown reason, his sad excuse of a father wasn't letting that happen. And even after sentencing his own son to his death, he had the gall to use the 'parent' status to prevent it from happening. But by legal rights, Gendo still had the say in this as he was still considered Shinji's legal father.

Which infuriated them.

Misato was now speaking in a lower voice that only certain words managed to pierce through the door, "Why is he so obsessed...?" Asuka could no longer make out exactly what she was saying nor was she able to piece together what Misato was saying. "Shinji… he doesn't... He deserves to-..."

Asuka shook her head, no longer wanting to hear what her guardian was saying. She didn't want to hear anything about his… dead body.

The image of his left arm sticking out through the wreckage of the Entry Plug came into mind. She hunched over as she almost vomited at the thought. Asuka had to cover her own mouth to prevent the watery vile from escaping. Luckily, she was able to bring it back down and not make a mess on the floor of her room.

When she regained her composure, Asuka cursed, "Shit. I'm so pathetic." She hated on how a mere thought of Shinji's lifeless arm almost threatened to make her vomit onto the floor. She needed to think about something else… anything else. She needed to escape.

Asuka turned and fell face first onto the bed.

She grabbed her handheld game at the stand nearby and turned it on, starting a new level. But she didn't do anything to it. Asuka let her run fail as the words "GAME OVER! RETRY? Y/N?" appeared on the screen. She clicked on "Y" and let the game run again without her doing anything to play it.

"GAME OVER! RETRY? Y/N?"

She pressed "Y".

"GAME OVER! RETRY? Y/N?"

Another click to restart.

She repeated this cycle for a few more times, just letting the game run its course to failure. She wanted to get her mind into thinking about something else, but her motivation just to focus and to play the game wasn't there. She didn't want to think about this, but it just didn't go away. Asuka saw the words "GAME OVER! RETRY? Y/N?" appear once more.

She pressed "Y" to restart the run. "I'm a failure." The game over screen appeared once more. "If I wasn't so pathetic with activating and synchronizing with other EVA's, none of this would've happened." The game restarted. "Then, Shinji wouldn't have made that choice to be the test Pilot and he wouldn't have been in there."

A voice reminded her in her head, "But then it would've been you."

Asuka froze just as she was about to click to restart her game. "I… I know that. I know that… But if it was me, then I wouldn't be in this much pain." Her mind was looping from her own internal conflict back at the hospital. She realized this and shook her head against the bed sheets, "And no matter what I think, nothing's going to change… Shinji's gone… and I killed-"

"...No matter what, I don't blame you."

Shinji's voice from her first dream since the incident echoed in her head. Her fingers started to shake against the casing, "Is that supposed to make me feel better, Idiot?" No longer wanting to look at the screen, she threw the device across the room. The game system crashed on the wall creating a loud THUD before dropping to the ground.

"It's still my fault." She turned to the wall next to her bed.

Shinji appeared in front of her in his school uniform with a sad smile, occupying the space in front of her, "This isn't your fault."

"But it is…" She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears. She was sick and tired of always crying, but her body wouldn't listen, "Because I… I'm so weak…" Asuka reached out, trying to grasp the apparition of Shinji from her mind, only for it to vanish as she made contact with it, grasping at the empty space. She put her hand on her chest and clenched the fabric of her shirt as hard as she could, "Why aren't you here? I...I want to talk to you again... just one more time. I don't want to be-"

There was a knock at the door, "Everything okay in there, Asuka?" It was Misato. She must've heard the sound made by her throwing the game system against the wall. And she was definitely someone who the redhead didn't want to talk to right now. She wanted to talk to Shinji… no one else.

...But why?

"I should be fine being alone like I always was. But… But then why do I… Why am I acting like this?" Asuka responded, "Go away." "Just leave me alone." The moment she thought that, the air around her started to feel... wrong. In response, she wrapped her arms around herself as she thought to herself, "Why did it get so cold?"

But Misato wasn't leaving, "I heard something fall… are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just go away." "I want to be alone... Why is it so damn cold?"

"No you're not, please Asuka. I know you're mad at me for keeping everything a secret from you. But please… don't keep the pain all to yourself. I'm here for you."

"But you'll eventually leave. Just like Shinji… just like mama." She screamed as she tightened her arms around herself, "Just go away! Leave me alone! Don't act like you care!" "No that's not true… I… I…" Asuka bit her lips, finally accepting the truth of her own feeling, why everything felt so cold... why everything felt so wrong. "I don't want to be alone. Idiot Shinji, why does it have to be so cold without you?"

On the other side of the door, Misato, still having the same cast and bandages around her while wearing the jacket over her, clenched her hands and looked to the ground. The clutch was resting on the side of the bathroom door as she felt better to walk around the house without it.

It hurt Misato to see the once lively girl in so much pain. It hurt her to see the girl, who she had known for a long time, push her away like this. The grown woman took a deep breath. The teen may say that she wanted Misato to go away, but Katsuragi knew the girl was lying. She knew the redhead long enough to know when she was lying.

And she knew that Asuka was scared to open up, especially after what she went through.

But did Misato even have the right to be the person who should be there for Asuka right now? The girl hated her for lying to her… For keeping Shinji's situation as a test Pilot a secret from her.

Misato didn't know what to do, "Maybe leaving her alone is the best way to handle this… at least for-"

Peck. Peck.

Misato looked down to see her pet penguin pecking her leg. "Pen-Pen, wha-"

"Wark," Pen-Pen pointed towards the bedroom door while maintaining eye contact with his owner. "Wark." Was the penguin telling her to get in there?

She shook her head, "Pen-Pen, I don't think that's a good idea. Maybe it's better to leave her alone. I don't think I'm the one she needs-"

"Asuka needs someone right now. And that person is you," Kaji's words to her the other day repeated in her mind.

Her eyes widened, "That's right." Misato shook her head.

Asuka needs someone right now, she can't be alone. She shouldn't be alone like this. Asuka needs someone right now, and Misato had to be that person, whether the girl would like it or not. It may not be her that Asuka needed, but Misato was willing to move a mountain to become that person for her. So the guardian decided to push on through.

She owed it to Asuka to do this.

Misato took a deep breath and knocked on the door once more with determination in her eyes, "Asuka. I'm not leaving. Please, can you open the door?"

"What part of 'go away' do you not understand?" The voice was getting weaker.

"I'm not going anywhere, at least not until you open the door and show your face so that I know that you didn't hurt yourself." Misato wasn't really going to leave after that. She just needed a reason for Asuka to open the door and not hide behind a wall, alone. "One step at a time."

There was a response that was given in a defeated tone, "Just… go away." But to Misato, the tone she said it in… the girl was crying for help.

She tried to slide the door open, only to realize that it was unlocked all along and Asuka didn't use the newly installed lock she forced Misato to put in her room when she first moved in. "Asuka… you…" Whether the girl left the door unlocked consciously or subconsciously, it didn't matter to Misato. The door was not locked, and she'll take any opening she can get to get through to the girl.

She completely opened the door to see a dark, disheveled room with the curtains closed and clothes, books, and devices thrown all across the room. The room was a mess, but she didn't care. Misato made her way to the girl on the bed who was facing the wall away from the door. Pen-Pen followed his owner in but went to the back corner of the room to give the two some space.

Misato commented, "You left the door unlocked."

Asuka kept quiet, only tightening her arms around herself even more. She let Misato sit on the edge of her bed before saying, "As you can see, I'm fine. I didn't hurt myself like you were scared to see. So leave. I just want to be alone." She kept staring at the wall, she didn't bother to turn her head to the older woman. "Damn it, it's cold."

Misato put her hand on the redhead's shoulder, "But you're not fine. I see someone who's in pain right now."

"..." Asuka could feel the air around her getting a bit better by her touch, but everything still felt cold. "Why aren't you leaving? Just leave. Like everyone else."

She didn't push her guardian's hand away, so that was a good sign… Either that or the girl was just too tired to do so. But Misato was going to make use of this opportunity given to her, "Asuka. You're afraid that I'm going to end up leaving you, aren't you?"

That caused the redhead to flinch. She finally turned her head, surprised that the older woman was able to figure out what she was thinking, "How-"

Misato gave a warm smile, "Lucky guess?"

Asuka turned her head to face the wall again as she clicked her tongue, "Che, you tricked me, like you did before."

Katsuragi took a moment to take what she saw all in. Asuka looked pale, too pale. There were bags under her red, puffy eyes. And she was shivering. The girl was a mess. She most definitely shouldn't be left alone right now. She was thankful that Kaji's advice came back to remind her that Asuka needed her. She had to remember to thank him later.

Misato reached down and picked up the blanket lying on the ground. She wrapped it around the redhead, "Asuka, it probably doesn't mean much to you, but I'm sorry that I lied to you about Shinji and Unit 03. I really am. You can push me away all you want, but I'm staying. I'm not going to leave you Asuka."

The girl grasped the blanket tighter as an attempt to give herself some needed heat. She then put the blanket over her head. She didn't want to see her guardian. She just wanted the pain to just go away… She wanted everything to just go away. And why is it still cold even with the blanket over her? "And why should I believe you? You lied to me before, and you just tricked me now."

"Asuka, we all lie and trick people." She moved her arm and patted the area of the blanket that was covering Asuka's shoulder, "Whether it be to hurt someone or not, we all end up lying to people. But one thing I don't lie about… I care for you and Shinji. Have I ever shown you and Shinji any hate? Have I ever shown you any reason to doubt that I care for you two?"

"..." There was no response from Asuka, but she couldn't' help but feel the air around her grow warmer ever so slightly.

Misato continued, "Words mean one thing, but actions speak louder than words. Asuka, did any of my actions show that I would ever want to leave you?"

In a low voice, the Pilot stated, "But Shinji did leave."

"Not by choice. Asuka, Shinji wanted to be with you. He cared for you and only thought of your well being."

"But I didn't ask him to. I don't need any protection. I don't need any help. But because he decided that I needed protection, he's dead. I-... I..." Her body started to shake, trying to hold back the tears. "I killed him."

Misato decided that it was best to take a few steps back. Can't have Asuka pushing her away when she's finally inside her iron wall, "Asuka. Whether we ask for help or not, people will always want to help the ones that they care about. And I care about you, Asuka. Whether you want it or not, I'm here to stay, unless god forbid an N2 mine gets dropped on my head and my entire beer supply."

That last comment seemed to have managed to get a small stifled laugh from Asuka. That small laugh brought a warm feeling in Misato's chest, "There she is." Before the two could say more, the doorbell rang. "Oh… Wonder who that could be." She got up, "I'll be right back, Asuka. And don't worry about school today, I've already let them know that you have NERV duty to handle so you won't be attending school for a while." As she ran out the door, she yelled, "Coming!" and left the door open.

Asuka didn't give a response as Misato left the room to answer the front door. She instead flipped the blanket covering her face down and turned to face the ceiling while resting one of her arms on her forehead. "You sound like my mama…" She looked at her hand, "I… I don't need anyone… I shouldn't need anyone… But…" "It did feel somewhat nice to have Misato here…"

She hated to admit it, but it did feel nice. Felt like there was someone else who genuinely cared about her. While the air around her still felt cold to her, it became a bit better when Misato arrived. Gave her a small moment to realize that she wasn't truly alone, even without Shinji.

However, the moment of peace didn't last long.

The same bloody image across her hand appeared to her once more with the sound of crushing metal and flesh being torn apart rang in her ears. It was as if her mind was refusing to let her have a moment of peace. Refusing to let her forget about the incident even just for a moment. Continuously reminding her that it was all her fault.

Always reminding her that she killed him.

Asuka could feel the air around her turning ice cold once more with any brief warmth Misato managed to provide disappearing.

"No… stop it, damn you," she closed her eyes and shook her head like before, causing the images and sounds to disappear once more but the coldness around her increased it's attack towards her. She covered her head with the blanket again, "Damn it…"

Misato's surprised voice called out and echoed throughout the apartment, "R-Rei? What are you doing here?!"

Rei stood in front of the door, hesitating, for some reason, to ring the doorbell to the Colonel's apartment. She wore her school uniform over her bandages while holding plastic bags filled with groceries and food supplies that she shopped for all morning.

Why was she hesitating? She was here to 'be there' for the Second Child… for Asuka. So what's the reason to hesitate?

Ah…

Is this what 'shyness' is? The uncertainty of taking the wrong step? The uncertainty if what you are doing is the right path in handling the situation? The uncertainty that you may be overstepping the unspoken boundaries? The uncertainty that mistakes will be made?

Is this similar to what Shinji felt every time he wished to take an action?

She shook her head. It didn't matter. She came here for a reason, she was not going to back down now. She was not going to run away. Not now. Rei took a deep breath before pressing the doorbell.

"Coming!" called a voice from the door.

She waited patiently for the door to open to reveal a surprised Misato, "R-Rei? What are you doing here?!"

The First Child answered, "I have come to help Pilot Shikinami. Is this an appropriate time to stop by?"

"But shouldn't you be at school? No," Misato shook her head. "Scratch that, shouldn't you be resting? The battle was only a couple of days ago. It's okay for you to be resting."

Ayanami shook her head and answered immediately as if she was expecting the older woman to ask that question, "I wish to be here for Asuka. I do not wish to go to school let alone rest while she's in pain."

Her dark brown eyes blinked, Misato was caught off guard by Rei's response. "Huh…" "That's… Wow… Okay, that's new. I know she promised Shinji and all but I did not expect this from her at all. And… would Asuka want to see her? After all, Rei's close to the Commander…" She remembered the time when Asuka was hostile to Rei, granted not as much as she was towards the Sub Commander. But what she may eventually do to her fellow Pilot, who was considered the Commander's favorite, scared Misato.

"Um… thanks Rei, but I'm not sure if now's a good time to see Asu-"

"Then, at the very least, may I cook one meal for you two?" She brought up the plastic bags ever so slightly, "I was informed that you do not normally cook, and Pilot Shikinami… I do not expect her to be in any condition to be in the kitchen and cooking any sort of editable meals without hurting herself."

"Oh wow… okay... This is definitely new. She's taking the same tactic as me to get inside these walls… taking it one step at a time to get a foot in. Not for Shinji, but for Asuka." There was a low growl coming from Misato's stomach, reminding her that both people living in the apartment haven't eaten anything filling since the battle. "Ugh, why now of all times?" "Um…"

"Can I take that as your approval for me to enter your apartment to prepare both you and Pilot Shikinami a proper meal?" Rei was determined to get inside the apartment no matter what. The shyness she felt earlier disappeared and was replaced with an overwhelming urge to get inside the apartment no matter what.

Misato sighed, too tired and hungry to fight against the girl. She gave in, "Okay. But don't do anything to agitate Asuka, okay? I… I don't want a repeat of what happened with the Sub Commander."

There was a stern nod, "Of course. I will try my utmost best not to cause her to become physically aggressive with me."

"I guess that'll have to do." "Okay then…" While still hesitant, she moved aside, giving room for the visitor to enter, "Welcome. Come on in."

Asuka, while having the blanket wrapped around herself, immediately went up and closed the door the moment she heard Misato call out Rei's name. She did not want to see the First Child right now. The mere mention of anyone who was close to the Commander made her blood boil in anger. She knew that Rei was not directly involved with the Dummy Plug System being used to cause her to kill Shinji.

But that didn't stop a dark thought from coming to her mind.

Rei was someone who was absolutely favored by the Commander. Meaning... She could hurt her as a means to get back at the Commander. She was almost grinning at the thought.

"That damn sad excuse for a human being should go and lose someone important to him too. Then maybe then he'll actually start to understand what he did. Maybe then, he'll know what I feel."

...

"No…" She shook her head. She was better than that. But, it was hard to keep that emotion in check. The seething anger she had for that man. Asuka was willing to do anything to get back at him. "I want him to suffer… I want him to feel what I feel." She clenched her hands, "But it's not going to bring the Idiot back..."

She gritted her teeth in anger when she heard Misato allow the First Child inside the apartment. This time she made sure to lock the door, but instead of running back to her bed, she crouched down as she wrapped her hands around herself with the blanket over them and buried her head in her arms. She didn't want to lose herself in anger right now. But the hot blood that was making her seethe in anger was causing her to be dangerously close to attacking Rei out ofirrational anger.

"But she wasn't the one who ordered it. It was that damn sad excuse for a father. Calm down… Calm down, Asuka, calm down before you do something you'll regret… Don't…" She tightened her grip on herself, "Don't become someone who Shinji would be disgusted with."

Asuka heard two pairs of footsteps run past her room and into the kitchen. She mumbled just low enough that only she could hear, "Why are you even here?"

Misato watched as Rei placed the plastic bag full of ingredients and foods. She didn't notice it before, but based on how full the bags were, she couldn't help but wonder if Rei was planning on cooking for multiple meals. This was not what they agreed on, "Rei-"

"As discussed, I will only be cooking one meal for today," she responded, sensing the discomfort from the owner of the apartment. Rei turned to Misato, "The rest will be staying here for you two to cook for when I am not available. Ah…" She realized something. "Could you please confirm what Pilot Shikinami's preferred choice of food is? I am uncertain what types of foods she has preference for."

"Well… what were you thinking of? I eat just about anything, and so does Asuka. But, from what I noticed, she may have some preference for non-Japanese food."

Rei looked at the stove, contemplating on what to cook. What did she have that was-... "Oh." She dug into one of the plastic bags and took out some ingredients, "How do you suppose she would feel about a potato soup?"

There was a smile on Misato's face, "Yea, I think she would like that."

"Then I shall prepare this for you two." She put the rest of the groceries away in the refrigerator. While she was indeed surprised to see a significant amount of beers stacked on the door, she decided not to comment on it. Rei then got started to prepare the meal for the two households.

Katsuragi couldn't help but smile when she saw the girl cook. She was graceful in the way she was preparing the ingredients, each slice done with precision, the water boiling to the perfect temperature before the chopped ingredients were thrown in. This was almost reminiscent of how Shinji would cook.

Misato couldn't help but make a remark, "I guess that the practice you've been putting in for that special dinner you were planning must be paying off."

There was a small smile that formed on Rei's pale face from the compliment, "Yes… I suppose so."

Asuka gritted her teeth as she heard the two converse. While she was still sitting down, she unlocked the door and had it slightly opened for a quick glance to see what they were talking about and noticed their facial expressions. They were smiling. Shinji was dead and they were smiling! How could they?

She immediately closed the door and locked it once more. She buried herself in her arms again while keeping the blanket over herself.

"Misato also smiled when she looked at you. And you laughed too."

That comment in her head made her teeth start to grind against each other. No one should be smiling. No one should be laughing! How could those two be smiling when Shinji was dead? Was Shinji not important enough to them? Are they already leaving Shinji behind in their mind?

...

Was she… going to eventually leave Shinji behind as well? There was nothing to remind her of him. There wasn't anything he left behind… for her. There was nothing connecting the two together without his presence.

Peck. Peck.

Asuka lifted her head to see Pen-Pen pecking the blanket over her arm. When did he get in here? Did he follow Misato in before? Why was this animal still here? "Go away, you flightless bird."

He tilted his head and flapped his arms, "Wark."

"Do you really think I'm in the mood to play with you?" She reached up to unlock the door in order to push the bird out. But she stopped mid way towards the lock. Asuka realized that if she did and pushed the animal out, the commotion would cause her to most likely confront Rei. Which was something she wasn't confident that she was ready to do without lashing at her fellow Pilot…

She gritted her teeth in anger as she glared at the penguin, "You think you're so clever, don't you?"

Pen-Pen tilted his head, "Wark." Peck. Peck.

"Ugh," she groaned. Giving up, she asked Misato's pet bird, "Fine. What do you want?"

The animal held both his flippers out, "Wark." Was the warm water penguin trying to give her a hug?

Asuka pushed the bird away, "Do you really think I want a hug right now? From you, a flightless bird?"

But that didn't stop him. He waddled on over, his arms still out towards her. The animal was persistent, she had to give him that.

"Listen, if you think I want to touch you and let your ocean smelling fins touch me, you've got another thing coming." Pen-Pen dropped his flippers. "Good. Now, be a good little birdie and just stay the hell away from me until-... hey, where are you going?" Asuka watched as he walked over to her doll that was on the floor next to her pile of clothes. He picked it up with his arms and brought it over to her.

"Wark." He held out the doll to her.

She snatched it out of him, "Who gave you permission to touch my stuff?" There was no response but a blink from Pen-Pen. She looked at the doll in her hand, "Do you think that this doll is going to make me feel better? This lifeless, useless doll?"

No response.

"God, what am I doing? Talking with a dumb animal. This is pointless."

PECK.

"Ouch!" she almost recoiled in a loud voice. Luckily it was still low enough to go unnoticed by the other two people outside of the door. But that was still a hard peck from Pen-Pen, making her feel a painful pinch on her arm. "What was that for you filthy, flightless bird?"

"Wark," he put the tips of his wings together. When he noticed that Asuka was still not understanding his message by her annoyed look, Pen-Pen pointed towards her then crossed his arms as if to say 'No'. He pointed to her again, then to the doll, to himself, to the door, and finally put his flippers together. "Wark."

Somewhat understanding what the animal was saying, she asked, "What? Are you telling me that I'm not alone and that I have people with me? Including you, that Drunk, and that damn Commander's Pet?"

The penguin nodded.

Asuka spat, "What do you know? You're just a dumb animal. I don't need anyone. I was fine being alone before." She threw the doll to the bed. "Leave me alone. And don't you touch me." She buried her head back in the blanket over her arms, feeling the cold around her worsen.

Pen-Pen was not going to give up. He walked over to the bed, managing to grab the tip of the doll's fabric with its beak and pull it down onto the floor. He picked it up with his arms and brought it back to the girl, but this time leaving it on the floor next to her. He then plopped down in front of her, staring at her.

He was going to do what Misato was going to do while she wasn't here. He may be an animal and what he can provide is different from what another person can give to her. And maybe physical comfort was not something that he could give her like he was able to do with his owner. But Pen-Pen was determined to, at the very least, stay with Asuka in Misato's place even if she pushed him away.

Why? Because he too missed the playful, peaceful days when Shinji was around, and Pen-Pen didn't want to see the once lively girl moping like this.

Even he wanted some semblance of the old days back, "Wark."

"Just shut up."

During the time Rei was cooking their meal, Misato tried to go back to Asuka to check up on her. But when she noticed that the door was closed, despite her better judgement, she decided to leave her ward alone for now... Just until Rei was done cooking.

Having the door closed was probably the best choice in the current situation, it hid Rei's view from Asuka. If Misato opens the door right now, allowing the two to see each other, it may get Asuka to unintentionally lash out at her fellow Pilot like she did with the Sub Commander.

So, she decided to, at the very least, cover Rei's view from Asuka's room by standing in between them.

Rei opened the pot to see that the food was ready. She took a small spoon and took a taste, letting the mixture settle in her mouth to gauge how it turned out. It wasn't to Shinji's standards, but she was satisfied with how it came out. She looked to the Colonel, "I suppose this is where one would say, 'the meal is ready'?"

Misato gave a small laugh, "Not quite, but close enough." She had to give credit, the girl was really trying to sound like a normal person. She breathed in to take in the aroma of the food that was filling the apartment. "That smells good Rei. You know… if Shinji was here, he would've been proud of what you've made."

There was another small smile that appeared on Rei's face, "Do you really believe so?"

"I know so." She opened up a cabinet to take out some bowls the best she could with one arm, "Come on, let's start preparing the table." Rei nodded as she helped Misato set the table and separated the portion of the soups into smaller bowls.

When everything was set, the First Child tried to head over to tell Asuka that the food was ready. But she was stopped in her tracks when Misato placed her good hand on the girl's shoulder, "Rei, let me. It may be best if you aren't the one to tell her." "Asuka may lash out if she sees you right now."

Rei nodded as she let the Colonel walk over to the Second Child's room. She decided to watch from afar, trying to understand the meaning of the Colonel's words to her. "It may be best if I kept a partial distance from her… for now. Pilot Shikinami may become aggressive with me like she did with the Sub Commander. There will be opportunities later."

Misato knocked on the door, "Asuka, are you hungry? Food is ready."

There was no answer.

She tried to open the door but realized that it was locked now. "Asuka, you must be hungry. You haven't eaten anything yesterday and today. Come on, Asuka. Please?"

The lock abruptly undone with the door opened a quarter way, just enough for Asuka to push a struggling Pen-Pen out of the room. She slammed the door shut and locked the door once more before Misato could react. While Rei was far away with Misato completely blocking the view to the visitor, Asuka used this chance to expel the penguin out of her room.

Pen-Pen looked up to his owner with a sad look as if to say 'I tried', "Wark…"

Misato smiled as she leaned down and petted the penguin, "You did your best, Pen-Pen. Thanks for keeping her company in my place. I'll take it from here."

The penguin nodded and started to make his way to his fridge. But just before heading in, he stopped to look at Rei who was staring back, "Wark."

"Hello," she responded back with a greeting.

Pen-Pen nodded and entered his fridge, letting the two humans handle the angry German since they were better company than he could ever be to her. He gave out one more, "Wark," before the fridge door closed. It was as if he was telling them, 'good luck'.

"Thanks Pen-Pen. We'll need it." Misato stood back up and knocked on the door again, "Asuka, please, would you mind opening up?" The girl needed to eat something. It's not healthy to leave her to starve just because she feels guilty. "You need to eat, Asuka… Shinji wouldn't want to see you acting like this."

Asuka responded with a growl, "I'm not hungry."

She knew why her ward was acting like this. Someone who was deeply connected with the Commander was here, and it made Asuka angry to be with anyone close to him. "Asuka, come on. I know you're hungry. You need to eat."

There was no answer.

"Asuk-"

"I don't want to eat anything made by that Pet," the angry girl put an emphasis on the last word towards the unwanted visitor. It was filled with such venom and anger. "I would rather starve."

Misato turned her head behind her to look at Rei. "Maybe this was a bad idea after all…" "Sorry, Rei… Maybe it could be best if you-"

The girl quickly walked over to the door, pushing a surprised Misato aside. After hearing that Asuka would rather starve, Rei now didn't care if she was going to be attacked. She couldn't let Asuka hurt herself through starvation, not when she could help it. She had to take action before things turned for the worse. Nip it in the bud as they say.

She knocked on the door, "Pilo… Asuka-"

"Go away, Pet. I have nothing to say to you." Both people in front of the door could feel the intense anger in those words.

"Rei-"

Rei ignored the pleading look from Misato to stop. She took a deep breath, "Asuka." She had to at least do this. She's not going to back down now. "You do not have to speak to me, however, at the very least, I would like to give something to you. Would you please open the door?"

There was a scoff from the other end of the door, "And what makes you think I want anything from you?"

"I have something that may be of great interest to you…" She took out a small black box from her pocket that was almost the size of her hand, "It belo-"

Asuka exclaimed, "Stop! I don't want anything from you. Just go away!"

But taking a risk of going against the Second Child's demands, Rei pushed on forward, "It belonged to Shinji. I do believe that he would want you to have this."

This time, there was no answer from the redhead.

There was a long silence between the three of them that followed suit. Deciding to continue, Rei declared, "Please know… I am not doing this because I was told to do this. I am doing this because I wish to do this. I want to give this to you because I believe... " She shook her head, "No, I know Shinji would have wished for you to have this."

After a few more seconds of silence, the lock being undone was heard and the door opened to reveal an angry, yet sad and tired looking Asuka with a blanket fallen on the floor behind her.

To say the least, Rei was shocked to see the Second Child without the A10 interface hair clips that she usually had on. And did she... look cold? This was a new look Rei was not used to on the Second Child. But she wisely made the choice of not making a comment on it. She didn't want to agitate Asuka anymore than she already was. Rei was just glad that she looking at her without getting physically aggressive.

"This better be good, Pet." For now, Asuka was willing to hold in her anger towards Rei since the girl mentioned that, whatever it was, it was Shinji's. The very least she could do was try to hold her anger in towards the Commander's Pet for Shinji. "For the Idiot… But she better not be lying and used this as an excuse for me to open the door," or Asuka wasn't sure if she could hold herself back from unleashing her anger on the First Child.

"I suppose it is ultimately up to you to decide if this is 'good' or not," Rei handed the black box to Asuka who immediately snatched it from her hand. Rei seemed unfazed by her action, "However, I do believe this would be something that would-"

"Just shut up," Asuka interrupted with anger, not wanting to hear the First Child's voice any longer.

She looked at the small box, wondering what it could be. What would Shinji want her to have? What value can it really bring to her? Deciding that it was best to no longer dwell on this, she opened the box.

Her eyes widened. When Misato leaned over and saw the content of the box, her face reflected her ward's.

It was Shinji's SDAT.

Asuka looked at her fellow Pilot and managed to stutter out, "H-How do you…"

Rei replied, glad that the Second Child wasn't yelling at her and was actually showing emotions other than anger, "Agent Kaji managed to recover this from the wreckage of the test site. This was the only thing of value belonging to Shinji that managed to be salvaged."

The redhead looked back at the SDAT. The damn tape player that Shinji loved to listen to every second he got. Something that he was very attached to. She glossed her hand across its surface, "And you're just giving this to me?"

There was a nod, "I want you to have this. And… if Shinji would've given it to anyone, I know it would've to you, Asuka."

As those words settled into her ears, the German girl bit her lips as her mouth started to quiver. Before the other two people in the apartment could say anything else, she quickly closed back the door and separated her from them once more.

The two stood there in silence, surprised at Asuka's sudden action. Misato almost groaned, "No! Not when we were making so much progress!" "Asu-"

"Leave the food by the door."

Asuka held the box close to her chest with both her hands while leaning back at the door. She held the object as close to her as possible. This was the only thing that connected her to Shinji. And it was right here… in her hands.

She mumbled just low enough that only she could hear, "Idiot Shinji…" She could feel a familiar warmth emanating through the SDAT. While it brought her pain to have something that reminded her of the pain of losing someone who was important to her, it also brought her joy to have something to keep her connected with him. And most importantly…

It felt warmer than the blanket gave her… it felt warmer than Misato.

With this, she knew that she would never forget him even if she wanted to. Asuka was… sad but she was also... happy, or at least happier than she was before. She has something to remember him by, and that was enough for her. "It's warm like you... Idiot Shinji..."

His words repeated in the air around her, "Take care of yourself."

"I…" She held the SDAT tighter towards her, "I'll give it a try."

"Asu-"

"Leave the food by the door."

Misato smiled when she heard those words. Asuka was willing to eat, not now but later. While she was still in her room, she was still willing to eat, even if it was made by Rei. Misato was going to take anything she can get! "Asuka… it's a small step, but… you're going to be okay…" She turned her head to tell Rei to get the bowl from the table but noticed that the girl was already a step ahead of her.

Rei placed the bowl next to the door with a spoon on top of it, "Thank you, Asuka… for giving me a chance."

There was a small response from the other side, "Shut it, Pet." But it didn't sound like an insult like before… Or at the very least, it didn't sound as harsh as before.

"I… shall take my-"

The door slightly opened, revealing the corner of a blue sapphire eye, "...Thanks." Before anyone else could say anything, Asuka quickly closed the door while still leaving the bowl outside.

Misato laughed, "Guess she'll eat her food later while we're not looking."

Rei stood there in silence, taking in what the Second Child said to her. 'Thanks', that one word from the redhead managed to lift off a heavy burden on Rei's shoulders that she didn't know had. She placed her hand on her chest, "What… is this feeling?"

Misato patted her back with a smile, "Enjoy it while it lasts, Rei. That's the feeling of accomplishment and a huge burden being finally taken off your shoulders."

There was a small smile on the girl, "I… I am glad."

"And listen… if you want, you can stay longer." She added, "Besides, I'm not sure if either Asuka or I would be able to cook tonight either…" "Plus, you got Asuka to be willing to eat something. Hell, you even managed to get a 'thanks' out of her. I can trust you to really be there for her now. What are you doing is genuine, not forced. And she didn't get overly aggressive with you. I'd say that Shinji would've loved to see this. And I think I can leave you alone with her… probably."

The smile never left Rei, in fact, it might've gotten bigger. She was given an opportunity to do what she wished and stay with the Second Child, at least for a bit longer, "I… would love to. Thank you, Colonel Katsuragi."

"Just call me Misato, Rei."

"Understood… Colonel Misato."

"That's not what… I-… You-..." As Misato struggled to get her words out, she noticed Rei's innocent, clueless head tilting in confusion. She did what Misato asked her to do... in a way, right? There was a defeated sigh. "Good enough for now, I guess."

OVER TEN YEARS AGO - GERMANY

A long brown haired girl, hair flowing straight down past her shoulder, with red glasses and wearing a lab coat, who seemed to be in her teens, ran up to the Emergency Room where Yui was pacing around outside the operation room. There was a worried expression on Yui's face.

"Ms. Yui!"

The brown haired woman turned with some relief appearing in her face, "Oh, Maria, you're here!"

"What happened?" Maria took a deep breath, trying to catch her breath, "What happened to Ms. Kyoko?"

Yui answered, "There seemed to have been an accident. And…" She looked to the floor, "I'm not sure if Kyoko and her child can make it."

Her eyes widened with worry, "Wha-What happened?"

"I'm not sure about the details myself, but-"

The door opened, revealing an exhausted surgeon covered in blood and sweat. He spoke in Japanese to the two, "Mrs. Ikari?"

Both women came up to him as Yui frantically replied and asked, "Yes! How is she?" Worry filing up both of their faces.

"Ms. Kyoko is in stable condition." There was a huge sigh of relief from both of them. No… wait… He only said Kyoko.

"What about her daughter?" Maria asked with a heavy tone, "What about Little Red?" She knew what those words from the durgeon meant, but she had hear the truth… whether she wanted to or not.

He looked down to the floor, ashamed, "I'm sorry. But the child did not survive." He was angry that he couldn't save a child's life. The girl had too much to live for and he couldn't do anything to save her. "I'm sorry."

Yui put her hands over her mouth, in shock at what she had just heard. "Kyoko…" "I'm sorry… I can only imagine what this would do to you… If I lost my son… I… I…"

Maria gritted her teeth with her fists shaking in anger and grief, "You damn no good surgeon, how were you able to save Ms. Kyoko but not her only child? Little Red was just a child! She wasn't even five years old! Little Red had so much to live for! Does a child's life mean nothing to you?!"

"I'm not sure either… by all rights, she should've died as well." That comment made both of them perk up. "But somehow, her heart miraculously restarted and, because of that, we were able to bring her back to a stable condition. But her child… I am so sorry…"

PRESENT DAY - JAPAN

Mari looked up to the ceiling from a stairwell, remembering the day when both Yui and herself were called into the Emergency Room for Kyoko and her daughter.

The three of them were one of the great number of groups that were conducting collaboration research during the early stages of Project E. It was originally Yui and herself for several years as one out of many group that were part of Project E, and Kyoko joined their group later. The two were at it for a long time until they realized they needed another support with their portion of the research, that was when Kyoko joined. The three of them were able to make tremendous progress after she joined.

The three of them were the perfect team that outshined everyone participating in Project E research.

But one day, Kyoko didn't show up. Yui went to Kyoko's apartment to check up on her, but was soon called to the hospital for the worst news. Mari was called soon after.

She brought her arm up to cover the light over her and looked at her fingers, "And you were never the same after that day, Ms. Kyoko. It was as if you were a completely different person…" She shook her head, "Well I guess that's what happens when you lose your child… Not that I would know anything about it."

She looked at the lights on the walls, "You've become overly obsessed with cloning Little Red. Both Ms. Yui and I let that through and even supported you because we both thought of you using that as a method to cope. We even made an excuse to the higher ups that the Series were for Project E… But the way you were treating the clones…"

Mari shook her head once more. "What was your real reason for initiating the Shikinami Series? What was your reason for choosing that Princess over all the others? Why didn't you take your relative's advice on the Series? Your decisions and passion for the Series drove both Ms. Yui and I away from you... Which caused you to...-"

She gave out a huff, leaving those words hanging, "Not like that matter anymore... Not like I'll ever know the answers now." The brunette slapped both of her cheeks as if to wake herself up from her dark thoughts, "I can't be brooding right now. This isn't the time for this. I need to focus in making sure Mr. Agent's...- Wait, that's not it." She gave out a fake cough, "AHEM! I need to make sure our grand master plan doesn't go up in smokes."

Mari then looked at the time on her watch, "Already that time? Well, I better get a move on. Don't want to be caught from staying at one location too long…"

She got up as she cursed the man who refused to give her proper housing, "Damn it Ryoji, why couldn't you have given a pretty girl like me a nice place to rest until her debut in Tokyo?" She stretched her arms as she went up the stairs, "Man! I just want a nice, quiet place for a good long nap! How much longer do I have to keep running around in this place like a mouse in a house full of cats, anyways?"

While no one was looking, Asuka managed to sneak the food inside her room and finish her plate. She left the empty bowl outside her door. She hated to admit it, and it may have been due to her hunger, but the food was nice and filling. It wasn't towards Shinji's level, but it was good enough.

She hadn't left the room other than to quickly use the bathroom, and when she was done, she quickly ran back to her room, slamming the door shut each time while dodging the other two people inside the apartment.

During the rest of the day, Rei tried to talk to her fellow Pilot again, to check up on her. But Asuka gave simple answers like, "I'm fine," or "Not now, Pet". While she was willing to give responses to Rei's questions instead of yelling like before, she didn't want to have any long conversations with her.

What Rei did, it meant more to Asuka than anyone realized, for that she was willing to be civil with Rei. But, the fact that she's close to the Commander did not change. And that was the one of the big, if not THE major, reason as to why Asuka was not willing to have anything more with her.

Because if Asuka tried to do anything more with Rei right now, she was afraid that she may do something she may regret to her fellow Pilot as a means to get back at the Commander. She was barely able to hold herself back before. And now… she wasn't so sure she could have the same amount of restraint if she were to see Rei face to face.

The only person who she was willing to have deeper conversations with was with Misato. Since the two knew each other for a longer period and have a small history together, Asuka seemed to be more open to her guardian than with the First Child.

When Misato knocked to talk with the girl, the door was opened to let her in, but the door was immediately closed soon after before Rei had a chance to look inside.

Through the darkness of the unlit room with just enough light to see around the room, the older woman managed to notice that Asuka was holding onto the SDAT in one hand and wasn't shivering like before. When she looked down, she noticed the blanket, that Asuka hid behind before, was on the floor. She decided not to make a comment about the things she noticed as to not agitate her ward. Misato was here for her, not to comment on how Asuka took care of her room.

The two stood in awkward silence before someone decided to break the ice.

Misato finally asked "Do you want Rei out of the apartment, Asuka? If you're feeling uncomfortable with her being here, you need to let me know." She was concerned that, despite Asuka opening up a little to Rei, Asuka still had some distrust for Rei, to say the least.

The redhead shook her head, "No. I…" She looked to the floor, "The Commander's Pet can stay. I just… can't look at her right now."

"Because of the Commander?"

There was a nod.

Misato scratched the back of her head, "I don't blame you for feeling like that. But I do hope you will at least give her a chance to talk."

Asuka shook her head, "Not now. I just…" she held the SDAT close to her chest, "I just don't think what I would do and say to her are something that Shinji would want to hear or see."

She noticed the water in the girl's eyes dancing when 'Shinji's' name was said, "Asuka…"

"I hate this," the girl clenched her chest with her free hand. "Why does thinking of him make me feel this way?" Asuka asked, not expecting a response. "Why does losing him have to hurt him this much? Why does looking at Rei make me want to hurt her to get back at that damn Commander?"

But annanswer was provided anyway, "Because you cared for Shinji. He was important to you. He was important to all of us." Misato walked over and hugged her, wrapping the girl around with her good arm, "He was such a big importance in our life and losing him only makes it that much harder... and it makes us want to do thing we don't normally would do."

"What do I do, Misato?" Asuka asked, shaking her head against her guardian's jacket, "What do I do to make this all go away? What can I do to make it all better?"

"It'll never go away, Asuka," she said, stroking the long crimson red hair. "The pain never goes away. I wish I can say it gets easier, but it doesn't. This is something that we have to live with for the rest of our life."

"I don't want to live like this… Is... Is this my punishment for killing hi-"

Misato quickly held the teen's shoulder and abruptly pulled her away to about an arm's length from each other. She leaned forward so that she was at eye level with the German girl, "Don't you dare think that you deserve this. Not for a second. And you did not kill him."

"But I-"

"Asuka, you need to hear this. This is not your fault. You did not kill him. And Shinji wouldn't have wanted you to be sad about this. He would've wanted you to move forward."

The girl screamed, "Then what do I do?!" Tears on the verge of streaming down once more. "I can't think of anything! There's nothing! What can I do? What should I do, Misato?"

"That's… something you need to figure out," Misato answered honestly, "I don't have an answer for you."

Asuka scoffed as she tightened her grip on Shinji's SDAT, "Because you don't know what to do either."

She shook her head, "That's not what I meant. What I do and what you need to do are completely different. Asuka, I'm not you just as you are not me. We are our own person and we have to find our own path…" There was a smile on her face, "And make sure that the path we choose to take is the same path that Shinji would smile for and be proud of us for taking… A path in which we can honor Shinji in our memories."

Asuka gritted her teeth, "But that won't bring him back. And why are you even smiling? Do we even have the right to smile?"

She shook her head, "No, it won't bring Shinji back. We have to face that fact. And… Whether we have the right to smile or not…" She patted the girl's head, "Shinji wouldn't have wanted us to live the rest of our life without smiling… right?"

A teardrop fell from Asuka's eye, "I…"

"So Asuka, what do you want to do? How do you want to live?" Misato straightened herself up, "I'm going to make sure no one suffers like this, not again. And…" She looked to the floor with anger. It wasn't towards her ward, it was towards the damn Commander. "I'm going to make sure that the shit head gets his just deserts once this is all over. Once the Angel threat is over, I'm going to make sure he pays."

Asuka knew who shew as talking about. She wanted to help Misato. God, she wanted to do it so much. "Let me he-"

"Asuka," she shook her head. "She's being rash..." "Are you asking to help because you want to? Is this the path that you really want to take in honor of Shinji's memory?"

Misato looked deeper into her eyes as she continued, "I know you want to get some payback from the Commander. But is this really how you want to honor his memory? Are you reacting to the situation? Or is this something that you really want? Because, if you don't choose carefully and only react to the situation right now, you may come to regret it later… and I'm sure Shinji wouldn't want you to take a path that'll lead you to having regrets. And what I am going to do requires patience and time, which, if I'm being honest, I don't think it is something you can do."

The redhead bit her lips.

Misato was right. Asuka wasn't as patient as Misato was, so she may only hinder her guardian's endgame.

What did she really want to do from here on out? Did she want to get some payback at the Commander? Absolutely… But if she decided to commit to getting vengeance against the Commander, would Shinji be happy with her? Would she be happy with what she would do against the Commander? Was it really something that she needed to do?

If so, how will she go about doing it? Asuka knew that they needed to play the long game against the Commander due to his status and with the Angel threats, but... could she do it? Is this what she wants to do?

...

What did she really want to do?

"Can you give me some space? I… I need to think…" The redhead turned away from her guardian. "I have a lot to think about."

Misato smiled, "Of course. Take all the time you need to think. The answer isn't as obvious as you think it is. And if you need anything, just say so. Remember, I'm here for you… so is Rei." "You're thinking of moving forward… you're finally starting to take a step forward, how little it may be. You know that we'll be here. And you're looking better. I think… I can take a step back and leave you to think. But I'll still be here for you."

"And the Commander's Pet can stay… just… I just can't see her right now."

"Sure… Whatever you need, Asuka. And remember, I'm here for you." "Always."

Rei was pacing around the kitchen, trying to think what to do. Asuka was being civil with her, yes. But at this rate, she couldn't do anything more for her. Misato was definitely the person who the Second Child was more open with. But Rei… Asuka was still distant with her. Rei was hoping that giving Shinji's SDAT to her would've helped her open up more than this.

Misato came out of the room and slowly closed the door behind her. Rei immediately went up to her, "How is she fairing?"

"She's doing well… better actually. She's starting to think about what to do from here on out instead of feeling sorry for herself every second. It may be too soon, but I think it's a good sign." She noticed that the Pilot's head went down. Guessing what it could be, she decided to act on her hunch, "Rei, are you upset that Asuka's still keeping her distance from you?"

There was a nod.

"Rei, you can't just expect things to magically be all okay. The thing about life is, you need to take it slow and one step at a time." Misato patted Rei's shoulder, "Trust takes time. And besides, you managed to get a 'thanks' out of her and even got her to eat your food! I'd say you're making tremendous progress."

"Do…" there was a hopeful light within those red eyes, "Do you really think so?"

Misato smiled, "Of course… Now," She decided to change topics in order to start getting things in a brighter mood in the apartment, "I don't know about you, Rei, but I'm getting hungry. What's on the menu for dinner tonight?"

Rei nodded before walking to the refrigerator to list out all the options with a tinge of excitement in her voice.

For dinner, they left the dinner plate in front of the door like last time for Asuka to eat in her own free time without them noticing. While the two wished for Asuka to join them, they were just happy that she was eating.

Later that night, Rei went back to her apartment despite Misato's insistence that she should stay the night. Her response to the Colonel's insistence was, "I am unsure if Asuka would appreciate it if I stayed the night. As you stated before, 'one step at a time'." That response put a great smile on Misato's face as she agreed with the steps the girl was taking. They needed to take things slow, no need to rush things.

Luckily, Section Two was available to drive Rei back to her apartment.

Once she was inside, she started to contemplate on what she wanted to do as well. Rei didn't know what to truly feel, especially with the situation with the Commander. On one hand, she felt great anger towards the Commander's orders and his thoughts on Shinji based on what he told her yesterday.

But on the other hand, she couldn't bring herself to completely hate him. After all, the Commander ensured the survival of the human race, even if it meant killing his own son. He accomplished his mission by eliminating the Angel…. At the cost of Shinji's life.

She just couldn't bring herself to appreciate the Commander at all… Not anymore. Rei's eyes fell to the glasses of the Commander that broke from her earlier activation test with Unit 00. Back when he hurt himself to open up her Entry Plug. She grasped it with both her hands and tightened her hold on it.

The Commander broke his promise.

Another crack appeared on the glasses.

And she was powerless to stop Pilot Ikari's death.

Another crack.

The Commander refused to see things in another light. To see the hope in saving Shinji.

Another.

He ordered the death of Pilot Ikari and did not show any remorse when she confronted him about it. He thought of Shinji as 'acceptable loss'. Just… statistics in this forsaken war. Not as a son.

CRACK

Because of him, Asuka was suffering. Because of him, Rei lost someone. Because of him… the only light that she had in the world was gone… Shinji was dead.

CRUSH

The glasses were now completely crushed. The shards pierced through her hands and blood dripped down from the wounds. She didn't react to the this brought her to realize one crucial thing.

She didn't hate the Comander. But this great anger, pain, and disappointment in the Commander made it harder for Rei to ever see him in the old light like before.

However, it still wasn't hate she felt for him… Rei knew that for certain.

"I… do not know what to truly feel. I… do not hate the Commander. However, I suppose I am angry that he broke the promise to keep Shinji safe and treating him as a pawn. I am angry that the Commander would allow the death of his only son and label the death as mere... numbers. While I do not hate the Commander, I… feel a great amount of dislike towards him. It is not hate… But… I am not sure what this is."

She walked towards the window, "In addition… I am angry with my powerlessness to take proper action to save Pilot Ikari…" A single teardrop rolled down her face. "I'm sorry Shinji, I couldn't protect you. I'll do what I can for Asuka… But I… I..."

She took a deep breath as she looked at the moon through her window, "I wish to see you again." The single teardrop fell onto the floor.

"But I will try…" Rei smiled, "I will try to move on. I will try to make sure I make you proud. Not only will I keep my promise to you, I will make sure Asuka will be okay and move forward with the once liveliness she had before. And I will… move forward of my own will and not by anyone else's."

She dropped the crushed, blood stained broken glasses onto the floor, "I will not be his 'Pet' any longer."

Misato went back to her room after washing up. She decided to call in for the night after checking up on Asuka one more time. The girl answered through the door, "I'm going to wash up before heading to bed. Don't wait up."

There was a worried face that appeared in Misato's face when she heard that. Asuka wasn't looking at her right now, but that's to be expected. The girl needed time to sort through her emotions on what she wanted to do now… it's going to take some time, and Misato understood that.

"Okay, let me know if you need anything. I'm here for you."

She still had to remind Asuka that she wasn't alone and that Misato will always be there for her. She knew that she needed to give Asuka some space, but at the same time, let her know that she wasn't alone.

And, right now, there was still one thing that needed to be taken care of among other things. When Katsuragi entered her room, she took out her phone and called the only person who could help her right now. The moment she heard someone answer the line, she didn't give them a chance to say anything, "Kaji, I need your help."

"Oh, Katsuragi," he responded with surprise in his voice. "Nice to hear from you. How is Asuka doing?"

"She's… she's doing better. She's finally thinking about what she wants to do from here on out instead of grieving. She's taking a step forward…" Misato shook her head. She can't get distracted now, "But that's not what I'm calling for. I have a favor to ask."

"A favor? Well," there was a teasing tone in his voice, "my services aren't cheap. But just for you, I'm willing to put in a discount. What can I help you with?"

Misato decided to ignore his playful tone, "I need you to help me find out what's happening to Shinji's… remains." It was still hard for her to say it without the emotions bottling inside of her. "I need to know why and where his no-good-of-a-father is keeping the body. "

There was a short silence. Ryoji's tone finally turned serious, "That's a tall favor. But for you, I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks-"

Before she could turn off the phone, Kaji said, "But before I do, I'll be taking my payment from you now, if you don't mind. And don't worry, it's nothing too out there. You just have to answer one question. Well, actually two."

Her eyes narrowed. What was this man playing? He wasn't the type to do favors for simple questions in return. But… What choice did she have? He was the only one who could help her right now. "Okay, but I swear, if you ask something inappropriate, I'm hanging up."

"You wound me, Katsuragi. Who do you take me for?"

A low growl escaped from Misato's lips.

Deciding to no longer tease the woman, Ryoji asked his questions, "How are you doing, Misato? Is everything okay with you?" There was a genuine concern in his voice when he asked that. She felt it.

She tried to immediately answer that she was doing fine, but something got caught in her throat.

So, instead, she paused to really think on his question and let it settle in. Which caused something to stir inside of her.

All the emotions Misato was holding back finally hit her all at once. No one really asked her how she herself was doing. He was the only one who asked. While she was there for Asuka and Rei, no one was here for her. The mask Misato put on for Asuka finally came off. Tears rolled down her face.

Her voice started to whimper, "I... I don't know, Kaji. I… I…"

"You were strong, Misato. You did well." She could see him giving her a proud smile from the other line for all her efforts, "It's okay to cry. While I can't be there for you in person right now, I'll be here on the line. I'm not going anywhere, Misato."

She fell to her knees and placed her head onto the floor while holding the phone to her ear. She let out a cry. The cries that Misato had been holding back since putting on the mask fell and filled the room and only her room. Her cries were not loud enough to penetrate through the thin walls. It was small, but it was filled with the great pain of a woman who lost one of the most important person in her life.

Ryoji on the other line said, "You did well, Katsuragi. You did good. Shinji would be proud of you for what you did for Asuka."

"Thanks Kaji..." She wanted to tell him that. But her cries prevented her from forming any coherent words. Instead, Misato continued to cry until she fell asleep. Kaji stayed on the other side of the line through it all.

From the other line, Ryoji, who was sitting at his desk, tightened his grip on his phone when he heard Misato cry like this. It was filled with so much pain. He never thought he would hear anyone cry like this again, especially from the same person. This was almost as bad as the time she cried at the site when he told her about Shinji's death... It hurt him to hear her make this sound again.

"I'm sorry… Katsuragi. I was cruel to you. It was unfair to ask you to be there for Asuka while you were feeling this much pain. I thought that you two needed each other because I thought the two of you would be able to overcome this together, but I was wrong."

He looked to the ceiling of his office, "Asuka needs you because you can help her through this. But you… need someone else other than Asuka… I just hope I can be the one to help you through this."

Throughout the call, he repeatedly said, "You did well," and "It's all going to be okay," to the crying Misato to let her know that he was still here.

And that he wasn't going to go anywhere.

Little did Ryoji know, Misato, even after releasing those painful cries, managed to fall asleep with a smile on her face, knowing that there was someone who was with her. And thankful that someone was looking out for her even when she didn't know she needed him.

Asuka, after taking a shower and putting on fresh new bandages, went back to her room. As the door closed, she felt the blood on her hands once more with the images and the sounds of the battle replaying in her mind and flashing before her eyes. The crushing of the Entry Plug ringing in her ears. She fell to her knees while covering her ears and closing her eyes.

She banged her head to the floor as she repeated, "Just stop. Just stop. Just stop!"

But the images and the sounds wouldn't go away. She shook her head against the floor as hard as she could until they finally disappeared. However, now she felt the uncomfortable coldness in her room worsen. Asuka slammed her palm onto the floor, "Damn it… damn it all." She grabbed the SDAT player she left on the desk to get rid of the cold she was feeling. It helped, but the coldness was still there.

She... She couldn't be in this room. She wanted… No, she needed to be somewhere else other than here. Letting her body run on autopilot, her body brought her out of the room and into Shinji's room.

"The last time I was here… it was after I pushed him away..." Asuka shook her head. Trying to muster up the courage to open the room now that she was here.

When she opened the door, she saw that the room was just as Shinji left it. It was all tidy and clean. The floor was spotless, the books were all stacked up nicely on his table. The futon was already neatly made out on the floor for someone to be able to sleep on it. The cello case was in the corner of the room. This was a complete opposite of her room. Nothing was out of place.

After closing the door behind her, Asuka walked over to the cello case and grazed her hand over it. She remembered the music he played the other day. She remembered each note being played with such elegance that she could feel the emotions emanating through the sounds it created. The beauty in the song. The warm smile she saw on Shinji's face when she managed to get a side glance from him while he played.

"And I won't be able to hear you play again… nor be able to see you make that smile again. Because I couldn't-" she bit her lips.

"It's not your fault," Shinji's voice said in her head.

Asuka shook her head, "So everyone says, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with this, Idiot."

"Please, take care of yourself."

She gripped her hand against the SDAT tighter, "Yea… I know, I know… It's just… so hard."

She turned and found herself falling face first onto Shinji's futon. She let the owner's scent from the bed wrap around her. To her, his bed felt different than her bed. There was a feeling in this bed that she didn't feel from her own bed. It felt like the last time she was in here after the Eighth Angel.

It felt warm.

"Feels like you, Idiot... Smells like you too," she mumbled as she took out his SDAT from her back pocket. Asuka placed the earphones in her ears and pressed the play button. Thankfully, it still worked and was not broken like she feared. She wanted to hear something other than the sounds of the carnage that would occasionally invade her mind.

Asuka turned to her side and placed the SDAT closer to her chest with both her arms. She let herself drift into sleep with the music filling her ears and Shinji's scent engulfing her. Despite the nightmares awaiting her on the other side, she felt different.

Unlike last night, tonight was different.

It wasn't so cold anymore. She didn't fall asleep feeling so cold like before.

FIVE DAYS LATER

Ritsuko pressed 'ENTER' on her keyboard before stretching from her chair. "Direct signal established. The feedback is within acceptable tolerance. The readings are within the ideal parameters. All systems are green. All simulations with the new Dummy Plug System have passed. It's finally done."

She's done it. She finished what Gendo wanted her to do. It took a few sleepless nights and she was still able to finish sooner than she originally thought. Ritsuko thought it was going to take the full seven days, if she was lucky. But she miraculously managed to finish earlier than originally intended. "It was actually easier than I originally thought..."

And luckily she didn't have to tell the Commander about her progress as he was in the secret underground room with her, looking out of the glass window to the red room. Gendo commented, "So the Item has finally be incorporated with the new System. Sooner than you originally expected." He turned towards her, "When can we start testing?"

She finished her much needed coffee before looking out to the red lit room, "We can start testing soon. But for the test Pilot I sugge-"

"Good," he put his hand out and touched the glass, "I want the new Dummy System to undergo test activation with Unit 01 within the next four hours. Then the First Child is to start the synchronization test tomorrow."

Annoyed that the Commander wanted to push forward without listening to her suggestions, Dr. Akagi gave out an audible sigh that earned her glare from him.

"Good. You're annoyed." "That soon? I can't recommend her for any tests right now with this new System in place." Ritsuko stood up, "I assume you know that there will still be some anomalies that will need to be ironed out. It's too soon."

The Commander turned to her, "We can't wait any longer. The Angels may attack at any moment. We need to ensure that Unit 01 can at least be activated by Rei with the new Dummy Plug System in place." He also remembered, "Have the Second Child be ready for a direct Synchronization test with her Unit 02 tomorrow as well. We too need to ensure sure she can still Pilot."

Ristuko took out her cigarette and lit it. The Doctor then took a deep breath of the smoke and breathed out. There was no arguing with him. His words were absolute. He was the Commander after all. He always got his way, no matter who had to suffer for it. He didn't care about others, not even her. He just cared about himself.

"God, sometimes I want to shoot you."

The worst part was that Gendo was right. They needed to make sure that the Evangelions and Pilots were available to fight against the Angel. They needed the raw power of Unit 01 available to them for the highest chance of victory against the Angels. And as a safety measure, they also needed Unit 02 to be operational as a backup especially since Unit 00 was still undergoing repairs.

"Unit 00 repairs are nearly done, but... it should not be put under any additional stress for a while after the last battle. So that leaves just Unit 01 and Unit 02..." She gave out an audible sigh once more. This man was so simple minded that it was so annoying. He didn't care about people's health, just results. Gendo only had this 'grand scenario' in mind.

Risuko dropped her cigarette on the ground and stomped on it with her heels, "Fine. But we are to do this only once. No repeats for Unit 01 if the first test fails with Pilot Ayanami. We can't say for certain how much strain consecutive tests with the new System would put on her without more data. As for Unit 02, due to the Pilot's potential mental scarring she might've suffered from the last battle, I recommend we have safety measures in place, just in case."

"I will leave it to Fuyutsuki to handle Unit 02's test tomorrow." Gendo smirked, "And there'll be no need for second tries for Unit 01. I have high confidence that there will be no issues." To Gendo, all was going according to his newly revised plan. The new scenario is all but assured with the Item in place.

The Commander's hand tightened in excitement, "Soon, everything will come together. Soon… Yui… Shinji..."

The Doctor sighed. She disagreed with that. While simulation tests all proved that it should all work, they were just simulations. Unit 01 was a wild card and anything can happen with it. Gendo should know this, but for some reason he seemed too blinded by his excitement to think clearly.

"Well, whatever," she's done her part. She wasn't going to bother telling him otherwise. She was too exhausted to even care at this point. God, Ritsuko needed another smoke, "Let's just hope everything goes well on the first try, then."

Author's note: Thank you if you made it this far!

Things are now moving forward and we are now one step closer to the battle with the next Angel.

Originally, I was planning making the interactions between the Asuka, Rei, and Misato to be much shorter, but I just kept adding/revising/editing a lot of the dialogues and scenes.

Sorry if this came out as a bit weak compared to the previous chapters. But hopefully, it was good enough to read, and hopefully some characters weren't too OOC to take away from the experience...

Well, thanks again for reading till the end! And, depending on when you read this, Happy Thanksgiving/Holidays to all!

Take care everyone!