Evangelion: Rebuild Shinji's Choice

by Chucky117

In the Rebuild timeline, Asuka Shikinami Langley was chosen as the test Pilot for Unit 03's activation, leading to the events that unfolded. But what if Shinji was given the choice to become Unit 03's test Pilot? How much would this one choice change the entire timeline? Would he and everyone around him ever come to regret his choices?

7. Chapter 7 - No More Hiding

Author's notes: Hope you are all doing well! And had a good thanksgiving/holiday.

I'm so happy that the last chapter ended up being better than I thought it would be. So happy to hear that you all enjoyed it! Thank all you for your support!

As always, I apologize for the grammatical/spelling mistakes that are laid out throughout the chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

---

"Still awaiting the establishment of communication with Unit 01 and the Dummy Plug System," Maya repeated for what felt to be the hundredth time. They've been at it for what felt like hours, waiting for Unit 01 to either reject the Dummy Plug System like last time or to finally accept it.

For the life of her, she could not figure out why they were doing this again. It was already established that Unit 01 will reject the Dummy Plug System. They've tried this before and it failed

So why was the Commander so sure that this time it would work?

…Just what did Dr. Akagi do?

"Well," Maya thought to herself, "at least this time, Unit 01 didn't reject the Dummy System at the start of the test like the ones from before, so that's a good sign, I guess…"

She eyed the still injured Dr. Akagi who was overseeing the test with the Commander. The two were looking down at the EVA resting in its cage through the window from the observation room. The way the two were standing, it was as if they were anticipating something big to happen. Almost as if the results may be different this time around. Though Dr. Akagi was showing a bit more doubt as the test dragged on while the Commander still seemed steadfast that something positive would happen.

"Wonder what they did."

Her attention was brought back to the screen in front of her with a quick 'ding' from the computer. Maya reported with a hint of surprise in her voice, "Communication between Unit 01 and the Dummy Plug System has been established. Connection lines between Unit 01 and the Dummy System are all green. Unit 01 has been activated. The test is a success, sir."

Gendo could not have been happier with what he heard.

The Commander nodded with a smirk on his face, "As it was expected. Now, proceed to prepare for tomorrow's test with Pilot Ayanami."

Maya replied with some distaste in her tone, "Yes sir." She hated him. She hated the man for ordering the death of his son. Even if it was for the sake of humanity's survival, no father should ever condemn their child. But she still had a job to do, even if it meant following that man's orders.

Ritsuko looked over the data from the test with both doubt and surprise in her eyes. She couldn't believe that this actually worked. Even though the activation was slow, Unit 01 didn't reject the system to confirm her worries. Maybe the days she spent in that depressing hell room were worth it. However… the fact that the activation was still slow did bring some doubt to her mind. "What did it mean?"

Gendo turned to her, "Is there a problem?"

She shook her head as she answered, "No, sir. Just concerned that the activation of Unit 01 took much longer than anticipated. Fortunately, this is something that can be improved in the future, of course." "Hopefully."

"As I have said before, I had high confidence that this initial test would not fail. Now the real test begins with the First Child tomorrow, which I also have high confidence in for success."

Everything was going according to his plan with minimal issues, despite the slow activation.

Gendo, more than satisfied with the results, turned to leave as he said, "I'll contact Fuyutsuki to prepare Unit 02's Synchronization Test for tomorrow morning during the same time as Unit 01. I wish for you to be present once more for Unit 01 tomorrow while Colonel Katsuragi is to be present for Unit 02 with him."

Ritsuko nodded as she said with a tired voice, "Yes, sir. I'll contact the Colonel shortly to inform her of the schedule and to have the Second Child ready for tomorrow." Waiting in anticipation for the results of today's test has drained more than she thought.

God, what she would do to get a cup of coffee right now. Days of no sleep to get this to work was the longest she went without sleep in a while. Ritsuko pinched the bridge of her nose, "Sorry to ask you this, but do you think you can handle the clean up here, Maya?"

She nodded, "Yes! Of course, Dr. Akagi! Not a problem at all!" Maya watched as the two leading officers left the observation room. She clenched her hand as if she had just won the lottery, "I can't let her down!" She proceeded to follow protocol to shut down the system and prepare for tomorrow's test.

Through her excitement, Maya didn't notice the head of Unit 01 twitch from its cage.

---

RIP TEAR

CRUSH

Again. This was the same nightmare.

How many times had she seen this? The same sickening sound of flesh being torn apart and the sound of metal being crushed ringing in her ears.

Everything was the same.

And like all the dreams before, Asuka couldn't do anything to stop this one from replaying the horror over and over again.

Inside Unit 02's Entry Plug, she brought her legs close to her chest as she held her head. She didn't want this. She never wanted this. How many more times did she have to witness her failures? Her own weakness?

How many more times did she have to see him die?

RIP TEAR

CRUSH

She mumbled, "Damn it, just stop… Just. Stop."

But it wouldn't.

As if her nightmare was mocking at her, Unit 02 roared as it bit down on the flesh of Unit 03, reminding her of the unpleasant feeling of rubbery flesh and a metallic taste of blood in her mouth. She hunched forward covering her mouth with both her hands. Even if it was just a dream, this feeling and the lingering taste in her mouth felt so real.

"Damn it! Just stop. I get it. I get it! It's my fault! It's my fault that he's dead!"

"It's not your fault," Shinji's smiling image appeared in front of her.

Asuka gritted her teeth, "Just because you say that doesn't make me feel any better! This doesn't change anything!" Her voice weakened as she said, "It's still my fault that you died."

"It's not your fault."

In frustration, she yelled, "Then whose fault is it!?" She waved her hand, pushing the image in front of her aside, only to reveal her Unit 02 crushing Unit 03's head with its bare hands. "Damn it!" She closed her eyes as hard as she could to try to cover the carnage in front of her. But just like all the dreams from before, she could still see everything happening in front of her no matter how hard she tried to cover her vision.

The images were still so vivid to her.

Asuka, still with her eyes closed, asked in a weakened voice almost as if she was mumbling, "If it's not my fault, then whose is it?"

Her EVA reached down in the pile of destroyed flesh and armor to pull out the Entry Plug for the billionth time. But this time the Plug slowly changed into Shinji as her EVA held him in its arms, signifying that the nightmare was finally coming to a close like all the ones from before.

She could see him forming a warm smile. That damn smile that always haunted her. That damn smile she wished to see again in the real world but could no longer see. The same smile that would always end with his death in her dream.

"Just end it. Just get this over with… I just want this to be over."

Shinji said, "Asuka… Please, take care of yourself."

Her eyes opened wide.

This was different. It was just like the first nightmare she had. The one that happened with the same one where the two were talking in Misato's apartment. He never said those words in the nightmares that came after.

He didn't say 'good-bye' like in all the nightmares that came after the first one.

Asuka reached out her hand with great haste before it was too late. She had to know why this was different! What did this mean? "No, wait! Not yet! Why did you-"

She didn't get to finish as her EVA crushed him in its arms, ending the dream.

---

Asuka's eyes opened in the same position as she always did during the past five days, with a tear streaming down her eyes and her hand reaching out to the ceiling… Shinji's ceiling. The music from his SDAT played in her ears. She slammed her hand onto the bed, "Damn it."

For the past five days, she's been staying in her former roommate's room. She didn't know why, but it just felt right… it felt… warm. Even though it didn't stop the nightmares from invading her dream, she never went to sleep cold after she started staying in this room.

Misato never questioned her action either, which was something that Asuka appreciated if anything. The Pet did not question it either whenever she would come to visit, not that Asuka cared about what the First Child thought.

During the past few days, both Rei's and Asuka's injuries were all more or less healed, so they longer needed bandages, though Rei still had one around both her hands since they were more recent than the rest, though no one seem to question her on it. And Misato still had a cast and some bandages around her for her more severe injuries, though they were getting better with each passing day.

Outside of just sleeping and staying in this room, Asuka also always ate in his room. Rei would always leave the plate of food outside the door like she did the first day.

Asuka had also been skipping school since the incident. Whenever the school asked about her, Misato always gave the same excuse that Asuka was on an extended NERV duty.

Though Rei would always end up missing school too since she would come over every day to cook and try to talk to the redhead. However, any attempts from Rei to talk to her would always end before the conversation could go anywhere. Asuka once overheard Misato complain to Rei about her also missing school, but Rei stood her ground and won, surprisingly, the little argument against the Colonel. Misato ended up giving the same excuse to the school for Rei as to the reason for her absence.

But Asuka didn't care about that. While she appreciated the food being provided to her and the much-needed break and space from the two whenever she needed it, she wasn't too concerned about them. She was too focused on other things…

What is she going to do now? What did she want to do?

...And why was this dream different from the rest?

For the past five days, she's been thinking non-stop but never managed to get an answer to the first two questions. And to add to the stress, today's nightmare was different. "It finished differently than all the ones from before… no 'good-bye'. Just what does it mean?"

CR...H

She could faintly hear the crushing noise from the battle ringing in her ears. Fortunately, the music filling her ears managed to drown out most of the sound. But the images and memories of the battle still replayed perfectly in her mind like before. The SDAT could only do so much for her, much to her dismay.

She looked at her hands to see them covered in blood and she could feel the wetness of the lingering blood and flesh on her fingers as the memories of the battle started to get more defined in her mind. Asuka closed her eyes trying to block out the visions but they still managed to pierce through the walls she tried to pull up, making her witness the battle once more.

"This again…"

Asuka frantically shook her head and, after some time, finally managed to force the scenes out of her mind. She gritted her teeth and slammed her fist down on the futon again in frustration. "I'm sick of this. What do I have to do to… get rid of all of this? When will all of this… go away?"

Misato's words from the first day repeated in her ears, "It'll never go away, Asuka. The pain never goes away. I wish I can say it gets easier, but it doesn't. This is something that we have to live with for the rest of our life."

She gritted her teeth, "Then how do I do it? How do I live with myself while feeling…" She placed the SDAT in her hand to her chest, "While feeling like this?"

Now Shinji's words rang in her ears, "Please take care of yourself."

Asuka covered her eyes with her other arm when she heard Shinji's last words from her recent dream. "I know. I'm trying… But how? Where do I even start?" She clenched the SDAT tighter, "Why does this have to be so… difficult?"

The aroma of the food being cooked in the kitchen started to fill the room. She blinked as she looked at the clock on the wall and noticed that it was close to noon, which was the time Asuka's usually been getting up nowadays, besides that one time that she heard Misato and Rei argue briefly about missing school early in the morning.

She got up from Shinji's futon. She stopped the music from the SDAT and took out the earphones from her ear. Asuka frantically rubbed off both the dry and wet tears from her face before she made it to the door while dragging the loose earphones on the floor. She opened the door just enough to give her the view of the person who was cooking a meal in the kitchen in her school uniform.

Asuka mumbled as she gritted her teeth with her hands clenching, "...How long are you going to be doing this?"

Why was Rei doing all this, every day? She had no obligation to do this. There was no reason for her to do this.

What she told her the second day repeated in her ears when Asuka asked about why she was here, "I wish to be here for you. I wish to make sure you are not alone during this time of grief."

But Asuka always wondered, "But why?"

She's been avoiding the Commander's Pet like a plague. They weren't friends. So why?

But she had to admit, while Asuka didn't want her sympathy, she at least knew that it wasn't pity coming from her. She relaxed her tensed muscles when she realized what was happening, "I'm so pathetic."

Why does she have to be taken care of like some baby? Why was she hiding from Rei of all people? She wasn't a child.

So why was she allowing herself to be treated like one? Especially by her of all people?

"How long are you going to be doing this?" Asuka repeated once more with annoyance. But this time, it wasn't towards the visitor in the apartment. It was towards herself.

She took a deep breath and wrapped the loose earphone straps around the SDAT. Asuka was sick and tired of this. She was sick and tired of being treated like a baby. She wasn't a cripple.

She was better than this. She didn't want to hide behind walls anymore.

She didn't know what she wanted to do and didn't know the answers to her question nor knew what the nightmare meant. But Asuka knew that as of right now, at this moment, she was done hiding.

"Take care of yourself."

"Yea, I know Idiot. I'm not going to get anywhere if I just keep on hiding behind a wall…" She placed the wrapped SDAT in her back pocket. She was ready to take her first step. "If this is what you were trying to tell me, to do something instead of hiding, you could have worded it better instead of being cryptic like an idiot, Idiot."

She knew that if she wanted to push forward, she first needed to face the First Child, head-on.

Asuka took another deep breath, pushing away the pain she was feeling in her chest as she remembered her late roommate. She slowly opened the door almost expecting the chef to hear the door opening, but Rei seemed to be too focused on what she was doing to hear the door opening.

Asuka clenched her hand as she took a hesitant first step out of the door. She stopped for a brief second, almost second-guessing herself.

"Take care of yourself."

She took a deep breath after hearing his voice again. "You can do this."

Finding the strength to continue, she took the next steps to get out of the room and greet the chef in the kitchen.

For some reason, getting out of the room didn't make her feel so cold when compared to the previous times she left the room. While it was still there, it wasn't enough to make her shiver. And for some reason… while it was different, while it didn't feel the same as before… She…

She didn't feel alone like before. It was different but... it'll have to do.

---

Rei put the cover over the pot as she allowed the broth to now boil to her desired temperature. She wasn't the one to brag or 'toot her own horn' as one would say, but each day she would cook, she knew that her cooking was getting better, even if it was ever so slightly.

But that was neither here nor there.

Recently, Rei was… happy? If that was the right word... Yes. That was the right word.

She was happy that the Second Chi-... that Asuka was no longer talking to her with any negative emotions in the tones of her voice. Though it still bothered her that Asuka would still talk to her in a nonchalant tone and end the conversation as soon as possible.

But one step at a time like Colonel Misato had said. Rei just had to be patient. If she continued this course, eventually, and maybe hopefully, Asuka would-

"What are you cooking this time?"

Rei almost jumped when she suddenly heard someone say those words right next to her ear. She had to take a step away from Asuka who was looming her head over Rei's left side, looking down at the pot.

Wait... Was Asuka actually outside? Talking to her?

"Pi-Pilot Shiki-" Rei immediately looked away when the two made eye contact and took a few additional steps back to gain some more space between the two. She put both her hands with the palm towards the redhead to cover her face from Asuka. Rei didn't want her fellow Pilot to get potentially aggressive with her by her mere appearance. She didn't want to undo all the progress she's made-

"What? Does it hurt to look at me?" Asuka huffed before she said, "If you think I'm going to strangle you or something just by looking at you, don't you think I would've done it already?"

"That… is true." Rei hesitantly put her hands down, "I…" but she just couldn't bring herself to look at her. She still had her face turned, "But I am unsure-"

"Just look at me already," Asuka put one hand behind her back as she clenched around the SDAT in her pocket as if it was her lifeline. "Please… just… I need this."

Rei nodded before she slowly turned her head until her blood-red orbs met those sapphire blue pairs. After a brief moment of silence, she asked, "Is… this acceptable with you?"

She was half expecting an assault by her fellow Pilot. Rei wasn't sure why Asuka, who was in Shinji's room for the past few days and refused to come out of the room outside of daily necessities, would just pop out of nowhere. Granted, her tone was better as it was containing some more life unlike the past few days, but this still felt 'out of left field' as they say.

Asuka took a deep breath as she intently looked at Rei, allowing her to absorb her features. This feeling in her chest. The hot blood she used to feel when she looked at the Commander's Pet…

It was all…

Asuka said, "See? Was that so hard?" But her grasp on the SDAT in her pocket never weakened. She was afraid that if she were to let go now, the momentum she was building would all disappear. She looked around, "Did Misato leave for NERV again?"

Rei still couldn't believe what was happening. Asuka was in front of her and was talking to her. There was no venom in her voice. There was no anger in her stare. But… there was still some sadness that Rei could feel with each word that Asuka spoke. She could also see some sadness lingering in her eyes.

However, that didn't matter. Rei was… happier… Yes, that was the right word. She was happier to see Asuka doing better. She was happier that Asuka was finally out of the room and was now finally trying to have a conversation with her. Asuka was finally taking the steps to no longer hide behind Shinji's room.

"Y-Yes," Rei was struggling to form words without putting on a smile on her face. She knew that, even though Asuka was out of the room, she still had to tread lightly on the situation. "She was called into NERV once again for duty."

Asuka sighed, "Don't they know that she needs to rest?" "So much for 'never leaving'. They've been calling you in the last few days and you left without little to no complaint... But I guess you would always check up on me whenever you got back. You'd probably even come rushing in if I called you anyway."

Her sapphire eyes trailed to the girl in the middle school uniform, "I guess you did leave me with her since she refuses to leave me alone. But was that smart? What if I..." What if she got violent with her?

"While I am in agreement with you, NERV still requires her to work. She has a duty to fulfill as the Colonel of NERV." Rei could feel the tension around the redhead worsen, "But I am certain that Colonel Misato would arrive as soon as she possibly could if you were to call her."

She waved her hand, "That's fine, I can talk to her later."

"P-Perhaps," Rei spoke with such urgency that she was stuttering. This was her chance to finally do something for the Second Child. She can't lose this chance! "Perhaps I can be of assistance?"

Asuka was about to reject the offer but stopped to think. Did it have to be just Misato she asked this to? Besides… "Fine. I had a different question to ask you anyways. But this would get it all out of the way." Kill two birds with one stone, as they say. Asuka asked, "Firstly… why are you doing this?"

Rei answered immediately, "Because I wish to"

There was a sigh of frustration, cutting her off, "Yea, I know you wish to, but why do you 'wish' to? We aren't friends. You don't owe me anything. You don't have to do anything. So… why?" Her hand never left the SDAT in her pocket as she said those words.

There was no response. Just a short silence only because Rei was trying to gather her thoughts together. How should she go about answering this? "Pilot Shiki-... Asu-"

"Just call me by my first name. It's fine… Just stop correcting yourself each time, it's annoying."

Rei took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure, "Asuka, I have thought about this as well. Why do I have a desire to help you through this time? And my answer was, and will always be the same. Because… I just do. And it's not because I've promised Shinji, it's because I simply want to help you."

"But why? I never asked for your help."

"Because…" She took a small step towards her, "We both lost someone. While I cannot understand the true pain you are feeling within yourself, I do understand the pain of losing Shinji. He was important to me as well. I wish to help you because we are feeling the same in that regard."

Rei continued as she took another step forward, "And while you may not think of me as a friend, Shinji thought of both of us as his friends. So in turn, I see you as a friend. We may not have the same relationship as Shinji did with us, but I still think of you as a friend. And as your friend, I cannot stand still when I see those pain fill your eyes. I do not wish to see it, and I know Shinji would not have wanted to see it either."

She placed her right hand on her chest where her heart was, "So, in summary, I simply just want to help you because… I just do. I think of you as a person who is a friend even if you do not think of me the same."

Asuka bit her lips, absorbing what the First Child said to her.

Friend? Would she go as far as to say that the two of them were friends?

No.

But no matter what Asuka would think about their relationship, Rei still considered the two of them friends by proxy with Shinji. She was adamant about staying with Asuka through all of this whether Asuka liked it or not.

And Rei doing all of this just because she just wanted to… Was the answer Asuka received good enough?

No… but she'll let it go for now.

Because Rei was right about one thing, they both lost Shinji. They share that in common, among other things like being EVA Pilots for NERV. If anything, Rei knew a bit of Asuka's pain…

So she may have the answer to the next question that she was thinking about for the past few days.

"While I don't see you as a friend," Asuka said with a straight face, trying to hide the embarrassment, "I can't deny the effort you are putting in… The cooking is… nice." There was a small blush creeping up her face when she said those words. "Damn it… it didn't sound as mushy as it did in my head."

Rei blinked in surprise. A compliment from Asuka, she could not have been happier to receive one from her. "Y-You're welcome."

"Now, my next question," her blush disappeared quickly as it came. "And I want you to be honest with me." Her grasp on the SDAT behind her tightened, "How are you dealing with the pain of the Idiot being gone? What are you doing… to deal with it?"

Rei blinked once more.

That was not a question she was expecting. Out of all the questions she had expected from her fellow Pilot, this was not it. Maybe something about missing school or where she learned to cook, some common questions. Just... not this. She took a moment to think her next words carefully.

"I… I am simply living with it," Rei clenched the hands there were on her chest tighter as she closed her eyes. "The pain is difficult, yes. The pain never eased within the past few days since then. However, I know what I wish to do which makes this… bearable." Her hands tightened even more.

Asuka's fingers on the player started to shake in anticipation to hear the answer, "Which is?"

"I wish to make sure that Shinji would be proud of what I would do from here on out." She opened her red eyes and looked deep into the blue pairs, "I wish to make sure that he would smile at my actions if he were still here."

Rei finished with, "And I wish to make sure that you don't go through this alone because you are my friend, Asuka… Even if you do not feel the same way about the two of us."

The words echoed in the apartment.

Was Asuka satisfied with the answer?

…No.

No, she was not happy with the answer because it was not the answer she was looking for.

"What kind of answer is that?" Asuka's voice started to rise, "Doing everything just to make the Idiot Shinji, who's dead, happy? Proud? Like some pet helplessly waiting for his dead owner to return and tell him that he's been a good boy? The Idiot is never going to know what you are doing! He's never going to smile, he's never going to be proud of what you do because he's dead!"

Her voice started to contain anger through her frustration with the answer she received, "And what? To make sure that I'm not alone? I didn't ask you to! I'm not some helpless child!"

Asuka was about to continue but stopped herself. She heard Misato's words from the other voice repeated in her head, "We are our own person and we have to find our own path. And make sure that the path we choose to take is the same path that Shinji would smile for and be proud of us for taking. A path in which we can honor Shinji in our memories"

Rei was doing something similar to what Misato told her days ago.

"Honoring the Idiot's memories… His smile…" Her body relaxed. She thought of this before and always came to the same conclusion.

"You are trying to honor his memories by doing what he would be proud of you for if he was still here. But… That's stupid. He's not going to know what you do! He's never going to say that he's proud of you! You'll never know if he'll ever be proud of what you are doing! But…"

She looked to the floor, "You… you have your own way of dealing with this… even if it is stupid. While I… I don't know… Damn it. Why does this have to be so hard?"

She looked at the determined eyes of the visitor who was waiting patiently for her to finish. Asuka bit her lips as she let her bangs cover her face, "Damn it." "Why do you and Misato know what you want to do to deal with this pain? While I'm still..."

Rei stayed calm. While she did not expect her to get angry with her answer, Rei understood that this was Asuka's way of telling her that she did not like the answer. She said, "I see that was not a satisfactory answer?" but it came out more like a question.

Asuka took a deep breath to calm herself down. Getting angry at this wasn't going to do her any good, besides, she's the one who asked, right? The least she could do is accept it, even if she thought it was stupid.

She turned to look at the plastic grocery bags on the table, "It was very mushy. And what you said… it's something I don't agree with." It wasn't the answer Asuka wanted to hear. "But what is the answer that I am looking for then?"

"Oh, I apologize. I didn't mean to-"

She immediately said, "Don't!" There was a brief pause for her to take a deep breath to calm herself, "Don't apologize for something like this. Don't turn into an Idiot now and apologize for every little thing that people would disagree with you on. I had one Idiot in my life. I don't need another." Asuka could feel the air around her starting to change as she wrapped her free arm around herself, "Damn it… why is it starting to get really cold now?"

The redhead decided to change the subject. She didn't want to think about this anymore. "Forget I asked anything. Let's just move on… What's on the menu for today?"

Rei chose to drop the subject as well. She didn't want the German girl to get angry for pushing on this specific subject. Besides, she wasn't offended by her remarks which she understood was from the discomfort within Asuka. It was their own opinion which they are entitled to…

Appeasing to her request, Rei said, "I am cooking different meals today from the usual."

"Huh? Really?" Asuka started to rummage through the plastic bags one after another with one hand as the other was still on the SDAT. "You say that you're going to make something different today, but all I see here are vegetables and fruits again. What are you going to make that's going to be different?"

"There is-"

She froze when she opened up the last bag, it was something different than the rest. It wasn't vegetables or fruits. It was something that even Rei herself said that she doesn't eat.

It was packaged meat.

The image from her dream and the battle with Unit 02 biting down on the rubbery flesh of Unit 03 flashed before her eyes and she could feel the metallic taste of blood starting to fill every little taste bud in her mouth.

Then finally, the image of Shinji's arm sticking out of the wreckage appeared in her mind.

Feeling Asuka's stomach churn, she placed both her hands on her mouth, finally releasing her grasp of the SDAT that Asuka was holding onto for the entire conversation. She made a mad dash to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before the watery vile expelled from her mouth, vomiting yesterday's leftovers from her body.

"Damn it," she spat out the lingering vile from her mouth.

Everything she was doing was failing. She tried to talk to Rei and it ended with her yelling at her. Then she tried to change the subject and asked about the food for today, but the mere sight of meat made her puke. "God… am I really that pathetic?"

Rei ran over and knelt beside her. Rubbing her back, she asked, "Are you okay, Asuka?"

She turned her head away from her, "Do I look okay to you?"

"I… I am sorry, I did not mean for you to have this reaction."

Asuka gave out a low groan. It wasn't Rei's fault that this happened. But why did the sight of meat have to remind her of the dream and the battle when Unit 02 bit through the flesh of the Angel? Why did the mere sight have to make her body remember the feeling of uncomfortable rubber-like feeling in her mouth and the taste of blood?

"Just great. So I can't even enjoy meat anymore?" "Just stop apologizing… just… no meat today." She started to shiver, "Damn it. It's too cold now."

Rei nodded, "Understood… I shall prepare something else for today." She could feel Asuka shivering with her hand touching her back, "It may be best for you to rest for now. I will leave the food by the door when it is ready."

Asuka didn't respond. She hated herself for allowing herself to be babied once again. She despised this feeling. She hated herself for needing help. She hated herself for showing this side to her of all people.

And she hated how much she wanted to go back into hiding in Shinji's room where it was warm.

"I'm so pathetic."

Peck. Peck.

Rei turned as she felt something poke her. It was Colonel Misato's pet bird, "Oh, hello." She blinked when Pen-Pen brought up a water bottle to her face.

The penguin was watching the whole conversation occur from the corner of the living room. He decided not to intervene as he didn't feel it was his place to do anything. Besides, he was just a penguin, what can he do?

Then he noticed the redhead run to the bathroom while covering her mouth with the blue-haired girl following soon after. Knowing what this action was by the repeated bathroom dashes made by his owner, he grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator and brought it to the two girls. Simple stuff like this was something he knew even he could do.

"Wark."

"Oh," Rei asked, "Is this for Asuka?"

There was a nod. Pen-Pen pushed for Rei to take it so that she can give it to the girl who just vomited into the toilet. But Asuka quickly snatched it off of the bird and quickly drank everything as if she would die without it. The butt of the bottle was held towards the ceiling as the water quickly drained down into her body. Some of the water leaked through the corner as she frantically gulped down the contents in the bottle as fast as she could.

When she was done, Asuka wiped off the water from the corners of her mouth with her hand and threw the bottle aside. Rei looked concerned. She's never seen anyone drink the contents of a water bottle this fast before, "Is… everything-"

"I was just thirsty is all… and I needed something to get rid of this taste in my mouth," Asuka shakily got up while pushing away any attempts from the First Child to help her up. "Just… I'll be in the room. Leave the food by the door."

Both Rei and Pen-Pen watched her almost shakily walk out of the bathroom and into Shinji's bedroom, shutting the door close behind her.

"Wark?"

She nodded, "Yes, I believe she'll be fine. She just needs rest. What happened to her is traumatic. It will take time for her to fully recover. However, I am glad that she finally took a step forward... and I am happy that she is talking to me without any distaste. I believe this is where Colonel Misato would say this was a big step for her."

"Asuka… while you wish to be alone, you are not pushing me away and are now making full conversations with me." Rei still eyed the door as she got up, "You did not wish for my help but you realize that you are not alone right now… and I am glad for that. Even if you disagree with my reasons, you still accept me to be here… so thank you."

A frown filled her face, "But the effects of the battle still linger within you. It is affecting you more than I had realized. I… will have to be more mindful about what may trigger a negative reaction within you."

Pen-Pen looked at her and waved his arms to gain her attention.

"Yes?"

He pointed to his stomach, "Wark."

"Oh, of course, the food. I shall make one for you as well, do not worry. And do not worry about Asuka, I will be sure to not include meat with her meal."

There was a nod from the bird.

---

Asuka slid down while leaning against the bedroom door. "I'm so pathetic… to need help from her… and even from that bird…"

She slowly took out the SDAT from her back pocket and caressed its surface, "But at least I talked to her without attacking her, right, Idiot? At least I'm finally taking the steps to get out of this room more. At least... I'm trying to no longer hide, right?"

…

"God, look at me, talking to myself. I must be really losing it now." She would never admit it but doing so allowed herself to feel warmer than she did before. It felt nice too. Didn't make her feel so alone. Talking to the SDAT almost felt like she was talking to him too.

…Wait.

She's doing something similar to what Rei said, wasn't she? While she got out of the room to talk to the Commander's Pet for herself, right now she was trying to gain Shinji's recognition for finally taking a step forward, even if he was dead.

"I… see what you mean now, Pet. Even it's stupid… it helps."

"Idiot Shinji, for me to be doing this... Means your idiocy rubbed off on me…" She tried to joke, but it felt hollow. And she knew why.

She still felt alone. It was a different kind. While she didn't truly feel alone with Misato and Rei always being there, it wasn't the same without him.

Nothing was the same. And it never will be… Not without him.

A single tear rolled down her eye, "God, I hate this. I hate this… But I… I want to see you again. I just want to talk to you again."

As she held the SDAT tighter and brought it closer to her chest, she could feel something wrap around her. It felt warm. It felt just like him. She held her head down even further as another tear rolled down her face.

"I'm sorry," Asuka heard his voice say in her ear, something he used to say a lot.

She shook her head, "I don't want your apology… I just… I want to talk to you… just one more time." "Is that too much to ask?"

---

Ritsuko let out a small sigh as she let the sweet aroma of her much-needed caffeine drink fill her nose. She needed this more than anything right now. This was the only saving grace of working in this hell hole. They made coffee that was considered decent by her standard, which was hard to meet. Even some of the cafes that specialize in this could not even hope to meet her bare minimum borderline.

"You're the only thing keeping me alive right now," she thought to herself as she eyed the dark liquid.

She sat alone in the half-filled cafeteria. But that didn't bother her. No one affiliated with her anyways, other than Maya and Misato. She preferred a smaller group instead of a larger one. Too many people to think and worry about.

Speaking of the devil, Misato patted Ritsuko's back, "Good to see that you're still alive, Ritsuko." She sat down on the other side. The two haven't seen each other since the incident.

"I see that you're doing better than I thought you would be, Misato. I expected you to still be in clutches after the reports I've read."

She laughed, "What can I say? My body has been through worse."

"Hmm," Ritsuko hummed as she drank her coffee. They haven't had the chance to talk in a while. She should check up on her, "How are you doing? Must be hard with what happened in the last battle."

Misato looked to the table with her hands clenched, "I'm hanging in there… just…"

"This is why I was against the idea of you two living together. You got too attached to him." She reminded her friend, "This was inevitable. We're at war, Misato."

"You know," she grumbled. "You really have a way with words. Is that the first thing you say to your friend who you haven't seen in days?" Misato wasn't offended by her remarks, just annoyed that her friend was being so callous, even to her.

Ritsuko pinched the bridge of her nose, almost regretting her choice of words. She said, "Sorry… I haven't slept in days."

"Yea, I can tell," Misato pointed towards the bags under her eyes. "Seems like the Commander has you running around through the nights despite being just as injured as I am."

"You have no idea what I've been doing. God, you'll even probably be mad at me if you were to find out." She replied, "He required my expertise on something important."

"More than your health?"

"Potentially."

Misato sighed, "He does realize that your health is important too, right?" She pointed towards the bandages around her friend, "You need rest."

"Which I will get later tonight," Ritsuko pushed the finger aside. Trying again, she said, "But I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have said those words. How are you really doing, Misato?"

She sighed. Seeing that her friend was trying again, she decided that she would too. They were friends. Not coworkers. Not strangers. Friends. "Not good if I'm being honest. Shinji was…" She bit her lips, "He was important to me. Now that he's gone, it's… hard."

"But you'll get through this," Ritsuko said, "like you've always had and have done before. You're strong."

Misato placed her hand on top of the table and clenched her hands in anger and sadness, "If I'm strong, I should've been able to help him. I should've been able to save him. Shinji didn't deserve to die."

Ritsuko placed hers on top of her friend's, "Unfortunately, none of us saw this happening. We did the best we could. And thinking about that is not going to help. There's nothing we could've done. We ran all the system scans with Unit 03 before the test and they all came out clean. The Angel managed to slip through all our sensors and only revealed itself once he activated the EVA."

"But… he…" The water in Misato's eyes started to dance as she looked to the floor.

"I'm sure you know this, but he wouldn't want you to be like this. He would want you to be strong and push forward."

There was a short laugh, "How would you know? You barely knew him."

"But I knew how close you two were," Ritsuko smiled. "If anything, he would've wanted you to keep the Second Child safe, right?" The relation between the two Pilots wasn't a secret, especially with the conversations from both Pilots during the battle being heard throughout all of NERV.

"Yea…" Misato smiled, "You're right." Then a slight frown appeared on her face, "I really should be home with Asuka, right now. Not here…"

"I'm surprised you didn't put up more of a fight to stay with her." "Well, you would go straight to her if she called you, right?"

"Damn straight, though I'll probably get a bunch of tickets for all the traffic rules I would break." She shrugged, "Who knows, maybe I'll start a collection." They shared a small laugh. God, they haven't laughed like this in days. It really did feel nice to finally talk to each other again.

Misato decided to reveal a big piece of information that she knew even THE Dr. Akagi would be surprised at, "Well, at least Rei's with her right now."

Ritsuko blinked. That was news to her! Wait, Misato trusted the First Child to be alone with the Second? What did she miss? "The First Child? Why?" That didn't make any sense! If it was the other way around and it was Shinji, she could see Rei doing that. But for Asuka? The girl who Rei never got along with?

She said, "She just wants to help Asuka, plain and simple. You may not believe this, but she's earned my trust to handle things. Besides, it may be better if Asuka was with someone from around her age and not someone much older than her."

Ritsuko was about to retort but decided against it. It didn't matter what Rei did, as long as she could perform her duties. Ritsuko can't get emotional right now, or she may end up revealing-... "Okay… then I presume that was the reason why you were coming in without any resistance? Because she's there with the Seco-... with Asuka?"

"Yea… And I'm not worried about leaving those two alone. From what I've seen, they're not going to fight… maybe… Haven't seen a scratch on her besides that one time she came with bandages on her hand. There's nothing broken in the house from the last few days I was out."

But Ritsuko wasn't convinced, "If you say so…"

Misato looked at her watch, "Damn, already? I have to get going. It's good to see that you're doing good. Make sure to get some z's tonight."

"Well, okay then. Take care of yourself-" Ritsuko stopped herself. "Wait… what did I need to talk to her about again?... Oh right." "Ah…"

"What's wrong?"

"Damn it," she leaned her head on her hand, "I really do need some sleep if I forgot something as simple as this.."

"What is it?" Misato was worried about what this may be.

Ritsuko looked into her friend's eyes, "Just know that this wasn't my idea. I'm against it but orders are orders. The Commander ordered an Activation Test with a Pilot using the new Dummy System on Unit 01 tomorrow. Pilot Ayanami will be the test pilot."

Misato groaned, "Why do I feel like this isn't it?"

"He also ordered that Pilot Shikinami also partakes in her own test with Unit 02 tomorrow during the same time. You will be overseeing Unit 02's test with the Sub Commander while I'll be monitoring Unit 01's test with the Commander tomorrow."

Misato gritted her teeth when she heard her friend finish. "That's too soon! Asuka still needs to rest! She's in no condition to do any tests with her EVA!" She couldn't understand why he was in such a rush.

"That was the Commander's orders." Ritsuko shrugged, "And you know that we can't go against this right now, especially now that we're down a Pilot. We need to ensure that we have EVA's available against the next Angel attack, which can be any day now."

Oh of course… Angels… That's all that he cared about.

The Colonel's fist started to shake in anger. Because as much as she disagreed with any EVA test with Asuka right now, she knew that they needed to make sure that they were ready for the next Angel attack. She won't be able to change the Commander's mind because of the Angel threat. She knew that.

So instead…

The cafeteria was soon filled with the overwhelming screams of an angry woman cursing out the Commander. Luckily, no one dared to report the incident to him and the security cameras were all cut off by someone so the Commander never found out about all those words that were said about him.

---

Kaji sighed from his office as he looked over the tablet in his office, showing him the same video feed of the cafeteria that Misato was staying in, "I guess this was her expected response." Fortunately, he managed to catch her reaction in time to interfere with the security feed. "And I managed to finally hack into their security feed safely. Mari's going to be happy with that."

He took out a smoke, "The things I do for you, Misato…" He looked at the file, that Mari crumpled, resting on his desk, "...Now… how to go about handling this…"

---

Asuka laid on her back on Shinji's futon while listening to the SDAT. She looked into the ceiling, deep in thought with one hand holding onto the SDAT on her stomach with the other arm resting on her forehead.

She ate in the room, like always. But this time, she grabbed the food off of Rei instead of waiting for her to leave the bowl on the floor as she told her to do before. And when she was done, she even went out of the room and left the bowl by the sink before heading into her room to get a towel to wash up.

She hasn't said a word to Rei since the incident in the bathroom. But at least she was trying to do something different… right?

Asuka turned to her side with the SDAT getting closer to her chest, "What the hell am I doing?"

Why was she still hiding? Why was she avoiding Rei after that incident? Why did she run away?

"And I'm still allowing myself to be treated like some helpless girl," she gritted her teeth. "I… I don't want to keep doing this. But what do I do?"

She was sick and tired of this, right? So why was she still allowing herself to act like this?

…She knew why. No matter what she did, she came back here in the end. So a part of her was telling her, 'why try'? It's all going to end the same way anyways. She'll always find herself back here. So there's no reason to even try.

She shook her head, "No… I'm sick of this. I'm sick of feeling like this. I can't keep on doing this. I can't live like this. The Idiot… wouldn't have wanted to see me like this."

"Take care of yourself." His voice echoed in her ear once more.

"Yea," Asuka sat up on the futon and took out the earbuds from her ear. She pressed pause on the player. "You keep on saying that, but I don't even know where to start. I tried getting out of the door to talk to her but ended up yelling at her and throwing up at the mere sight of some meat. Then I had to be taken care of by her like some child again… and came back here."

She looked at the SDAT, "I don't need anyone. I never needed anyone, but why do I feel so cold being alone now that you're no longer here?" She caressed the top, "But ever since I got this, it's been a bit better… Though it does get cold at times even with it…"

Asuka sighed again and shook her head. She couldn't believe that she was talking to herself again. She hated how much of an idiot she was turning into now that she caught herself once more. But that wasn't what she was truly angry at herself for.

"I really am pathetic… But…" She got up, "I'm more pathetic for letting this keep me down. I need to keep going… After all, what would you think if you saw me right now?"

She hated to admit it, but Rei did somewhat have the answer to Asuka's question on how to deal with this. While she did think it was stupid to think about what the dead thought of her, it did make living with the pain a bit more bearable now that she's done it. It was stupid but it was working, for now.

"One more time."

And it made her realize that she needed to follow up on those steps she took from this afternoon. She can't let herself stay down whenever those memories attack her.

Shinji's words repeated in her ears, "Take care of yourself."

Asuka took a deep breath, "For his smile..."

She's not going to stay down. She's not going to stay hiding like this. If she falls, she just has to get back up again… that's what Shinji would've wanted her to do… right?

With newfound determination to push forward, she walked towards the door. Her hand pressed against the handle. "No more hiding."

But just before she opened the door, she heard, "I'm home!"

---

Rei, needless to say, was surprised by the actions of Asuka today. Firstly, she received the food from her, face to face, when Rei came to place the food next to the door.

Then Asuka returned the plate to the sink. While she didn't talk to Rei during these encounters, the fact that she was going about in the apartment more often than usual still surprised Rei. So it confirmed the hope within her that Asuka was getting better despite the undesired reaction from earlier today.

She was starting to prepare for tonight's dinner when she heard the door open with the Colonel yelling, "I'm home!"

Rei walked to the front door, "Welcome back, Colonel Misato."

"Thanks, Rei," she forced a smile. "Do you know if Asuka's in a better mood to talk today?" God, she didn't want to do this, but Misato had to. She didn't know how Asuka would react but she knew it was going to be a negative one. And no matter how hard she tried to create an excuse, there wasn't one that she could think of that would even have a chance to make the Commander change his mind.

Rei looked towards Shinji's closed door, "She was. She came out of the room today to talk."

That surprised Misato, "Huh? Really?" Hope started to rise within her. If Asuka got out of the room to talk, then maybe she's ready for tomorrow-

"But she's now back in the room." Rei, remembering the incident from earlier, said, "Today she saw something that stirred an… unpleasant reaction from her. Though, she was going about in the apartment earlier."

"Damn, guess she really won't like what I'm about to say."

She tilted her head in confusion, "And what may that be, Colonel Misato?" She didn't know what she could say that would make Asuka more upset than she already was.

"Rei, I guess I'll tell you this first since you're here…" She looked into those red eyes, "The Commander wants to redo the Activation Test with Unit 01 tomorrow with you."

The girl was taken aback, "I… am unsure as to the nature of that order. Unit 01 rejected me with the Activation Test from about a week ago. So I do not see a reason as to why the outcome would be different this time."

"I wish I knew the answer, Rei," Misato walked over to the room where her ward was staying. "But the Commander wants Unit 01 available to be operated in case of an Angel attack. We should count ourselves lucky that there hasn't been one for the last few days."

"I… suppose." But Rei couldn't think of any reason as to why the Commander would want another Activation Test with Unit 01. It already rejected her without any hesitation. "I still do not understand why… Commander, what have you done?"

Misato took a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Here goes…" "Asuka-"

The door swung open, surprising both of them. Asuka stood there, looking better than she did from the last few days. Her eyes were still a bit red, but there was something different about them. There was still pain and sadness within them, but there was also fire within them. While they were a fraction of what they once were, it was there.

"What?" Asuka put the hand holding the SDAT onto her hip, "You two look like you've seen a ghost. Do I look that ghastly?"

"W-Well," Misato stuttered, "No, but-..." She shook her head, "How are you doing?"

"Better," she quickly answered. She didn't want the pleasantries. Asuka managed to hear from what Misato told Rei about the Activation test… So she managed to piece together what Misato wanted to talk to her about. And if it was true…

Asuka guessed on her suspicion, "You are here to tell me that I have a test with Unit 02 tomorrow… Or does that ass of a father want me to activate Unit 01 as well? To think that he's already thinking about replacing the Idiot…" Her other hand clenched, "He doesn't understand anything."

"W-Well…" Misato was worried. Those last words held so much anger in them. She had to answer this lightly, "He wants you for Unit 02's test tomorrow. Nothing on Unit 01. I believe Ritsuko's words were, 'he only wants Unit 01 to be for Rei'." "Well I'm summarizing, but that's the gist of it." She didn't get enough of the technical terms from how Ritsuko described it for her to repeat those exact words. But she at least understood that the Commander just wanted Rei to be Unit 01's Pilot.

Still angry, Asuka said, "Still doesn't change the fact that he's looking to replace the Idiot already."

Rei nodded, remembering the time she confronted him after the battle, "From what I have gathered, he does not care about Shinji's… death. He merely wishes to have Unit 01 operational."

She growled, "That asshole…" "He doesn't deserve to be alive. It should've been him who died, not the Idiot." She took a moment to calm herself. She couldn't afford to lose herself to her emotions right now. She needed to move forward and not react to her emotions. She can't let this stop her now.

Plus, she has a job as Unit 02's Pilot to fulfill. This was the only other thing left as a goal in her life… She still had a mission against the Angels. "Fine. I'll be there tomorrow." She was still a Pilot through and through. Going into Unit 02 didn't bring about any unpleasant feelings, but... "That damn drone."

Misato blinked. She was expecting Asuka to fight back or try to hide behind the door on this. She wasn't expecting her to accept her orders this easily. "Asuka…-"

"Under two conditions," she held up one finger. "That asshole doesn't show up to my Test with Unit 02. He doesn't even step foot into the observation room."

"Oh uh…" Asuka continued to catch Misato off guard today. "Yea, that's not a problem, he's not going to be in Unit 02's test tomorrow. He's just going to oversee Unit 01's." Just the fact that the Commander was already going to not attend aligning with Asuka's first demand was surprising. "Hopefully the second is just as easy."

Asuka held up her second finger, "I am NOT going into that Dummy drone. I do not want anything to do with it. That thing is NEVER going into my Unit 02… ever."

She nodded, somewhat happy and also worried that this one was just as easy, "Yea, That's not a problem. The Dummy System has been removed from Unit 02's Entry Plug anyways. There's no plan on reinstating it in the future." But there has to be more. Those two couldn't be it. They were too simple. "Is… is that it?"

Asuka nodded, putting her hand down, "Yea, that's it. I just don't want him and that Dummy machine, or whatever it's called, to ever be involved with me or my Unit 02 ever again."

Misato was surprised.

Firstly, Asuka voluntarily opened the door not just for her but for Rei as well, which didn't happen after the first day since the incident. Then, while Asuka did get angry with the Commander, she wasn't as reactive as Misato thought she would be.

And she wasn't glaring at Rei when she spoke. She didn't tell her to 'shut up' like Misato expected her to. Instead, she called the Commander an 'asshole' after Rei made her comment.

And lastly… her conditions were all reasonable.

Asuka turned to her fellow Pilot to ask, "And you're okay with this? Activating the Idiot's EVA? Replacing him?"

Misato blinked again, did Asuka just casually just ask Rei a question without any distaste towards her, again? The first time being a fluke, she could understand, but a second time?

Rei shook her head, "No, I am not too keen on the idea of being… his replacement. However, we do not have a choice in the matter…" What could they do? The Commander had the final call on this. There was no one else that could stop his orders when it came to this. "Are you certain you are okay for tomorrow's test with Unit 02?"

Asuka declared, "I'm a Pilot. That's who I am. I may not be happy about it, but I have a job to do."

Misato was worried. This was different from Asuka's demeanor from the last few days. She was worried that Asuka may be pushing herself too much. This needs to take time. It could be too soon for her to be acting like this, "Asuka… are you okay?"

"Yea, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well… you just… seem different, is all."

Asuka looked into her brown eyes, "I'm fine. I'm just sick and tired of staying in the room all day." Her hands holding the SDAT tightened. "If I stayed hiding in there... Idiot Shinji would be sad if he was still here."

"No…" Misato knew those eyes. The eyes still held so much pain even with some fire in their eyes. And there was still confusion in her eyes as if she didn't know what to really do. "You're not fine. You're still in pain. It's too sudden. But… You're not going to back out of this, are you?" She sighed, "Okay."

"Good, now that's out of the way." Asuka walked into the kitchen, "What's for dinner today, Pet?"

Rei followed her, almost as if she wanted to push her luck based on the redhead's more positive demeanor, she said, "I would appreciate it if you would call me something other than 'Pet'."

Asuka replied as she turned her head towards her, "Then I'll just call you First because you're the First Child. Good enough?"

There was a nod, "Yes, thank you."

Then Rei answered that it was going to be ramen as she didn't have any other necessary ingredients with her today to make anything else. But Asuka seemed okay with it and even volunteered to help cook, much to both Rei and Misato's surprise.

Misato stood there, unsure of what was happening was good or not. It felt forced. From what she's seen, this felt extremely forced by Asuka. It felt so out of nowhere for her. Worried, Misato walked over to the kitchen as well.

And what she saw surprised her again. She saw Asuka helping and continued to talk to Rei casually as they were preparing dinner. There was no hostility from Asuka at all. There was… calm? Was she calm around Rei?

"Asuka…" Misato smiled. While some of Asuka's actions felt forced, she knew that at least her ward's interaction with Rei wasn't forced. It may be a bit strained due to their past relationship with each other, there wasn't any hostility or aggressiveness from Asuka towards Rei like the days prior.

"You're finally taking one step forward. Looking at Rei is no longer making you angry. In fact, you're calmer around her than you were before. I just hope that you're not pushing yourself too far." She shook her head, "I should still have a talk with her later today… after dinner."

Deciding to enjoy the moment instead of worrying, Misato leaned against the wall as she continued watching the two work together, "Shinji, I wonder what you would've given to see this right now."

---

The dinner was eaten in awkward silence. Asuka even joined them tonight. While Misato tried to start a conversation it never went anywhere. Whether because it was awkward or the two girls wanted to eat in silence, she would never know. So she gave up in the end and just enjoyed the meal. Pen-Pen ate in the corner but was giving a weird look towards the redhead as this was different from the last few days.

After dinner, Rei went back to her apartment to prepare for her Activation Test with Unit 01 while Asuka decided to clean the dishes. She had the SDAT next to the sink close to her, making sure that it's still within her vision. Misato was sitting down and watching the redhead back as she cleaned everything in the sink while Misato was petting Pen-Pen on her lap.

Misato was still worried that this may be all too sudden for the redhead. She may be pushing herself too much instead of taking it slow. There's nothing wrong with pushing oneself too much, but if Asuka tripped, Misato wasn't sure what would happen.

Her train of thought was broken when she heard a bowl slip out of her ward's finger and fall into the sink. "Everything okay, Asuka?" She gently placed Pen-Pen down onto the floor.

"Y-Yea," she replied. The memories of the battle were invading Asuka's head once more. Her hands were covered in blood with the sounds of metal and flesh being torn apart, and lastly, that damn crushing sound of the Entry Plug rang in her ears.

She shook her head as she rubbed her hands against the running water on instinct to get the blood off her hands. The images and the sounds invading her mind soon disappeared. Asuka placed both hands on the sink and held her head down, "Damn it."

"Asuka-"

"I'm fine, Misato… Just… tired, is all," Asuka picked up the bowl that fortunately wasn't broken and resumed her previous action before the memories invaded her. She fought back the urge to run into Shinji's room where it was warm and comfortable. "Just forget about it. Don't let yourself fall from this…"

"No… you're not…" But Misato knew that a direct confrontation may not be the best approach here…she had to tread this carefully, "Now or never." Taking a deep breath, Misato said, "I'm surprised that you've decided to eat with us today." "Slow and steady now."

Without turning her head, Asuka said, "As I said before. I'm tired of staying in the room all day. I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally out of the room and conversing with First."

"I am. And I'm proud of you for that," she got up. "But I'm worried that you're pushing yourself too much."

"You know," Asuka said before Misato could speak, "I've thought about what you said to me before… and as much as I hate to admit it, I was too hasty when I talked to First earlier today."

"You… mean about choosing a path?" "You talked to Rei about this?" Everything was starting to make sense. Why Asuka was out of the room and pushing herself. She... she talked and might've found something. "Wait… did Rei say something to help you find your way? Is that why you're-"

"What else?" She continued to clean the next dish as she elaborated, "First told me how she was able to handle the pain. She was doing what she could that would make the Idiot be proud of her and smile at her. I hated the idea at first. She's trying to gain some sort of acknowledgment from someone who's dead. I know it's similar to what you said before, Misato, but it's stupid. The dead will never acknowledge all the effort that you're putting in. And we won't know if they'll ever be proud of what we do from here on out."

Asuka turned off the sink after putting away the last dish. Not bothering to dry off her wet hands, she grabbed the SDAT from the side and turned to face Misato. "But, what she said… did have some merit. She and your stupid method does make this… more bearable. It's not easy…" She looked down at the SDAT on her hand, "But it helps."

She continued as she looked up at Misato's eyes, "I still don't know what I want to do. I don't know what path to take. But I'll be damned if I stay still any longer. I'm not a helpless child. Besides, the Idiot wouldn't have wanted me to mope for too long, would he?"

Misato was proud of what she heard. Asuka, while still lost, was now trying to find a path forward instead of hiding. It's not going to be easy, and she realizes that, but she's willing to face the pain head-on. But she was still taking the steps to move forward instead of hiding behind the walls. This was the decision she came to from all that thinking during the past week.

Asuka frowned when she saw a smile appear on her guardian's face, "What's with that look?"

Misato quickly ran over and pulled her into a tight, "I'm so proud of you!"

"Ugh, what are you doing?" Asuka tried to pry off her guardian but despite being on one arm, she still had strength over the trained pilot.

"I'm so happy that you've managed to take the first step on your own. You're lost. But if you keep walking, you'll eventually find the path you want to be on. And I don't care if you think our advice is stupid. As long as it helps, that's all that matters."

Misato held her closer as she continued, "But don't try to push yourself too much. It's okay to take small steps. It's best not to rush things."

"Okay. Okay! Just get off!"

She didn't and instead laughed as Asuka tried to fight back. While Misato noticed that Asuka hadn't smiled once after the battle with Unit 03, or at least from the times she interacted with her, she knew this would be a slow process. She knew that just the fact that Asuka eventually got out of the room was itself a miracle.

Hopefully, her fiery smile will eventually come back to her… maybe it won't ever come back due to losing Shinji… But there was still hope.

Maybe there was a light at the end of this dark tunnel after all.

Pen-Pen, who was watching the interaction, smiled as he noticed that the two were acting more like the days prior to the recent ones. He gave out a happy "Wark" before heading back to his fridge. He was just happy that he finally saw a genuine smile appear on Misato's face for once. And Asuka... well, she'll probably get better eventually.

At least she didn't tell him to 'shut up' after he said something. Thought it might've been because she didn't hear him with Misato all over her. But eh, he'll take it.

---

THE NEXT DAY

Rei changed into her plugsuit as she was having a meeting with the Commander. As Gendo debriefed her to focus on activating Unit 01, she refused to look him in the eye. She merely nodded for his orders for her and went into the Entry Plug.

She was not happy to be inside here. She was not happy that Shinji was being replaced. But Rei… did admit that after a long night to truly think, it would be better if it was her taking over Shinji's spot and not some random person that they didn't know.

No. That was not exactly correct. She did not want anyone to take his spot, but if it had to be someone, she wanted to be herself who was the one to pilot Unit 01. And not one who may taint his image.

But one problem still remained. Unit 01 rejected her before, so why would the outcome be different now? Did they do something to the Dummy Plug System?

Maya broke her train of thought as she asked, "Pilot Ayanami, are you ready?"

Rei responded, "Yes." For now, she'll have to obey orders. She was also curious as to what may have changed for the Commander to assume that she'll be able to activate Unit 01.

The other NERV staff in the observation deck behind Unit 01 started their checklist to begin the test.

START SYNCHRONIZATION

Rei felt the Entry Plug enter into the Evangelion.

ROGER, STARTING FIRST CONTACT

IONIZING LCL

She closed her eyes as the LCL flooded the insides of the Entry Plug, drowning out the rest of the sequences the NERV workers were following. As the LCL enveloped her and felt herself connecting with Unit 01, she noticed that it was different than before. She couldn't help but feel a sense of-… it felt familiar.

INITIATE A10 NERV CONNECTION

Everything around her turned clear as she could see the outside cage housing Unit 01. Rei didn't feel anything unusual, outside of the fact that this felt different than any of the other times she underwent testing with Unit 01.

And the fact that Unit 01 didn't reject her by now… This meant one thing…

The test was a success.

---

Maya reported to both the Commander and Dr. Akagi, "All green. No Anomalies detected!"

Ritsuko was surprised at what she saw. Unit 01 activated faster with a Pilot. Could the Pilot be the missing component for a faster activation time with the new Dummy System? "What's the synchronization percent?"

"Fifty percent Ma'am," Maya reported. "That's amazing! It's higher than any of her other tests with Unit 01!"

The Doctor blinked as she looked down at Unit 01 from the observation room above it. By god. It worked. She thought that there would be more issues with the test… No. She had no faith that this would've worked. But the results spoke for themselves.

The test was a success, proving her wrong.

Ritsuko, with a strange surprised look, said, "It actually worked."

Gendo's fists tightened with excitement as a wide smirk appeared on his face, "All according to plan. We now have Unit 01 available to us for future Angel attacks." He walked over to the window showing the back of Unit 01 underneath them. "And for the New Scenario. Yui, Shinji. Everything will come together."

---

Rei clenched and unclenched her left hand. This feeling she felt within Unit 01 was not normal, it was even different than her Unit 00. This was too different.

It felt... nice.

She couldn't figure out why it felt nice to be within Unit 01 now. Maybe this was something that she would have to discuss with Asuka, maybe she would have an idea what it was.

"But why does it feel so different? It was not like this before-"

She couldn't finish her train of thought as the walls around her turned dark red. The feeling from before also disappeared and the space around her started to change. The 'nice' feeling from before was slowly replaced by an ice-cold one that was making her instincts go into overdrive. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to escape from here.

But why? What was happening?

"What- AH!" Rei let out a painful scream as she felt pain starting to coarse throughout her body. She held her body with her arms in a futile attempt to ease the pain.

---

Back in the observation room, the alarms with Rei's screams through the mic were filling the room. Maya and the rest of the people there were frantically trying to figure out what was happening. Ritsuko quickly ran over to look over the data over Maya's shoulder.

The data Dr. Akagi saw told her everything she needed to know what was happening, "We're losing connection. Unit 01's rejecting the signal to connect the Dummy System!"

Gendo quickly walked over to one of the staff as he looked over the monitor, "Reset the system!"

"It's no good, resetting it doesn't help!"

The Commander slammed his hand onto the desk, "Why?" Everything was working fine before. They established a connection! So why was Unit 01 rejecting it now? Why was Unit 01 rejecting him? Does she not know that- …He shook his head, "Start again from 308."

"Roger!" A few seconds later, another error popped up on the screen, "It's no use!"

"Keep trying!" He gritted his teeth as he mumbled, "Why are you refusing me now, Yui?" Another error appeared on the screen, much to his frustration.

Rei's screams were still filling the room. It was only getting louder as time passed, making it harder for anyone to hear the alarms flaring inside the observation room.

The Doctor asked, "What's the Pilot's status?!"

One of the personnel answered, "Her heart rate is spiking! Her vitals... oh god, if this continues, she's going to be-"

Ritsuko turned to the Commander before the staff could finish, "We need to stop the test before we put the Pilot in any more danger!"

Gendo ignored her as he ordered, "Again! Keep trying." His attention was towards the screen. This had to work. All the parameters were set! Everything should be working! It accepted the new Dummy System yesterday and it just accepted Rei until recently. What changed?!

Rei's screams started to die down as she lost consciousness from the pain. The alarms were now the only thing filling the room with the frantic personnel.

The same personnel reported, "She's lost consciousness...saving her from the pain... thank god."

Ritsuko walked over to the Commander, "This is unwise. As we agreed on, we need to stop testing!"

But he continued to ignore her. "Keep trying," he knew he was breaking his word to her to stop testing if something were to happen, but they were so close! Just a bit more. He knew just a bit more and something was going to change-!

SNAP/GRIND

A sickening combination of bone snapping and metal grinding noise was heard throughout the observation through the blaring alarms. Everyone froze and went silent when they heard that god-awful sound. The alarms are now the only thing filling the room.

But they no longer cared about the alarm. Because they all knew one thing. That sound didn't come from anything or anyone from the observation room.

It came from the cage.

Ritsuko was the first to turn towards the window looking down on Unit 01. Her eyes widened at what she saw. "C-Commander." She wasn't the one to stutter, but what she saw made her feel the chills up her spine forcing her to reveal a side of her she didn't know she still had. She took a step back on instinct.

The rest of the staff followed suit and turned their heads to the window. Each personnel either started to slowly back away or stood up from their chairs.

Gendo was the last to slowly turn. What he saw made him feel something he hasn't felt in a long time. This was the second time he felt something within this past week that he hadn't felt in a while. He could feel the air around him turn cold with goosebumps running across his body.

He felt fear.

Below the observation room was Unit 01, with its head partially turned to its left, looking up at them with its left angry blood-red eyes. The mouth guard was broken as the mouth was slightly opened just enough to reveal red teeth-like structures inside. There were steams emitted from the mouth. It looked like an angry beast glaring at its prey that dared to disturb it.

Maya managed to croak out, "I...It's looking at us."

"No…" Gendo knew that it wasn't looking at them. It was glaring at one particular person in the observation room. It didn't care about anyone else in the room. Just that one person.

It was glaring at him, no one else.

Soon the blaring alarms were replaced with static noises as all the monitors became filled with white static. As the new noise was now filling the room, Gendo dared to turn to the monitor to see if he could figure out what was happening and stop it before it was too late. But what he saw made him almost lose the ability to stand.

In clear bold red-letter words, the screen displayed the following words through the static background:

HOW. DARE. YOU.

He quickly turned his head towards Unit 01 as he desperately said, "Yui-"

Unit 01 turned its head back to face the space in front of it and held its head down. Then, it slowly raised its head to the ceiling while releasing a blood curling roar.

"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRR"

It generated an AT Field around itself. The force was strong enough to start shaking the cage housing it and even the observation room. The walls and catwalks around it were forced outwards as the intensity of its AT Field started to push everything around it away from itself.

But Unit 01 didn't care about the damage it was causing… It was angry.

It continued to release the roar, causing the walls to bend outwards and cracks to form along the surface.

Everyone in the observation room covered both their ears and eyes in pain from the immense sound attacking their ears. Gendo managed to take a peek at Unit 01 again and noticed that the windows were now starting to crack. Even cracks were forming across the surface of his shades.

The computers were starting to short circuit with the lights illuminating the room breaking. Shards of broken glasses rained down upon them.

People were falling to their knees one by one, including the Commander, from the pain from the sound coming from Unit 01 and the shards falling on them.

"Y-..." he cried out again, "Y-Yui…!"

The roar died down with its AT Field deactivating, letting everyone take a breath of relief. People were arranging themselves to figure out what to do. No... there was no room to think. They had to get out of here.

Using this chance of relief from the assault, the officers all were frantically trying to get up and leave the room as fast as possible. This place was no longer safe. They needed to evacuate the room immediately before that beast decided to release another dangerous attack.

Ritsuko tried to help the Commander to get on his feet, but she was practically holding him up on her own at this point. He seemed to be in a strange trance towards Unit 01. "Commander, we need to evaluate, now!"

"Y-...Yui…" Gendo could only stare at the Evangelion through the cracked windows. How could this have happened? This was not how it was supposed to have ended. There shouldn't have been any issues. "Yui… why are you angry? Isn't this-" The new Dummy System had the Item implemented with it so that this wouldn't have happened-

The back of Unit 01 that was housing the Entry Plug started to shake. Ritsuko's eyes widened, knowing what was going to happen. "Maya!" she called to her assistant, "Help me."

She quickly came and grabbed his one arm while Ritsuko grabbed the other. The two managed to drag him towards the door just in time. They barely managed to dodge the Entry Plug being forcibly ejected from Unit 01 and shot into the observation room, causing the Entry Plug to become lodged inside of the room.

Fortunately, everyone managed to evacuate the room before the Entry Plug crashed into the room. As they let the horror of what they went through settle in their mind, they could hear Unit 01 release a low growl as it deactivated.

Gendo was dropped to his knees as Ritsuko let him go, much to Maya's surprise. Maya looked to the fake blonde, "D-Dr. Akagi?"

This man… she tried to warn him, but he wouldn't listen. Ritsuko made him promise to keep his promise but he broke it. "I warned you to stop the test. But you wouldn't listen." She didn't care about the days wasted in that god-awful room with the Item for this failure. She was furious at the Commander for his inability to listen to reason.

"He wasn't like this until the 'Item' became involved. I understand why you're obsessed with getting the new Dummy System with it to work with Unit 01, but this was too soon."

Gendo clenched his fist, knowing that he lost this. He was rash, he knew that. But everything should've worked! He ran through with his own data and knew this should've all worked!

And it needed to work for his new Scenario to be possible.

Even if it were to fail, he did not, however, foresee the failure to be this… catastrophic. But… even he could deny the truth when it's presented in front of him. But he cannot let this stop him.

"Yes…" he admitted, "you were right. We should've stopped the test upon the first failure." He slowly got up as he got out of Maya's supporting grasp. He fixed his gloves and his cracked glasses, "The Unit 01's Activation Test… is a failure. Proceed with the First Child's retrieval and prepare her for immediate medical treatment."

"I can't stop here..." But he still had one thought that was continuously repeating in his mind, "Yui… why?"

Ritsuko let out a big sigh, "Finally you're listening to reason." She turned to the scared personnel around her, "Well? What are you all waiting for? Move! We have a Pilot who is in critical condition!"

Those who could move after going through all that nodded, "R-Roger!"

Gendo's hand clenched, "Yui… do you not understand my goal? The purpose of why I did this?" He saw Ritsuko answer a phone call from the corner of his eyes. He could hear her updating the person on the other line about what had just occurred with Unit 01.

Then he turned to see her nodding, accepting whatever was being told to her.

"...Understood. I'll let him know." She sent a brief text message before closing her phone and placing it in her pocket. Ritsuko turned to the Commander to report. "It was the Sub Commander."

"Fuyutsuki?" What did he want? Surely not to boast about Unit 02's successful testing. "What was the result of Unit 02's test?"

"The Second Child… She also failed her test with Unit 02."

---

Author's note: If you made it this far, thank you! I hope the pacing wasn't too bad.

And I hope you all enjoyed it! If not, then hopefully the future chapters would make up for this!

At least the plot is slowly moving forward, right?

And again, thank you all for reading till the end. If all goes well, I should have the next chapter by the Christmas holidays (or by New Year's Eve).

Take care, everyone!