Chapter 8: Dark past

[January 2373 AD – POV Timotheus Sinterguth – Bayern]

End of last year, while I had still been in mail contact with the Madison family, I had also started to get involved with some voluntary work for and with the local church community I was a member of. I had already been attending a home bible study group with other young adults for some time, and in addition to that there were occasional opportunities to help with little things here and little things there, like preparations for special services, proof reading something which was to be published, or helping out when the software controlling the energy flow from the solar roofs on the church and parish hall did not behave or the local battery storage needed some small maintenance or something like that. I had to admit to myself that I considered my small tasks in the community a nice counterpart to my job, and although socializing with people was still not one of my strong points, I felt that this was somehow easier in the community. After a church service, for instance, it was so easy to talk to some people, even some I barely knew, and just exchange a few word about the sermon or the selection of songs. It was probably similar everywhere; talking was much easier if you knew a common interest you shared.

In the home bible study group meetings we had a habit to talk about special topics once a month or so, and everybody got a chance to suggest something. Those topics included the opportunity to talk about one's own situation, history, or specific problems, and a few of the others had already used the chance to highlight some of their own issues. To a certain extent this was similar to a self-help group, but we made sure that an experienced psychologist, usually the deacon, was with us for potentially critical topics. I had been surprised to find out that more people than I had expected had some minor or major problems in their past; life frequently provided obstacles, and I had heard from others feeling socially isolated after a move to a different area, suffering from a broken heart after a failed relation, feeling inadequate due to bad grades at school or university, or being exposed to unfair treatment or even mobbing at work. After a long period of hesitation I finally decided to also offer some details about certain events a few years ago, when I had started to attend university, and we agreed to have a session together with the deacon, who was already familiar with the details, in January. This time I hosted the evening in my apartment, and my large main room was easily big enough for the ten people, all members of the bible study group I was part of, who gathered here. After the usual songs and prayer, I made sure that everybody had a glass, bottles with water and juices were available and snacks were in reach, and then I started:

"I guess that you all know that I work at the university here. Some years ago I started my studies, and I did not know many people here in Erlangen."

"Your parents do not live here, right?"

"No, they do not, but they both are what they call 'workaholics' anyway, focused much more on their scientific work than on family. Don't get me wrong; I am not complaining. They are both nice, and I had lots of uncles and aunts spending time with me. I have a few more distant relatives in the wider region around here, too. I found it a good idea to live in a place of my own here in the city and get things done on my own, and I am lucky enough to be financially independent."

In this group, only the deacon knew about my pedigree and my family, and for now I did not really want to change this. Fortunately, very few people knew about the role of the Sinterguth foundation and the conglomerate of companies behind it; some knew about our family and the foundation, but common knowledge only placed us in charge of the foundation, which was funded by some large companies. Very few people knew that we also owned the Qimonda holding, one of the largest companies in the world, and it was not a public company with stocks, but a very German 'GmbH', a 'limited liability corporation'. The family heads had managed to keep our name out of thew news, mostly at least, and our main companies were publicly represented by general managers. That was just all right for me, as I had no ambition to be in the center of attention at all. However, I had let people know that my family was somewhat wealthy, which was not wrong, but a tremendous understatement, like saying that Bill Gates had some money in the late 20th and early 21st century.

"As you all know, I am kind of a nerd, both by my looks and by my behavior."

"Your looks have much improved since you started listening to us!"

That was a fact, indeed. People in my church community and specifically in the bible study group had encouraged me to work our more and pay more attention to my clothing; they had also helped me with my lack of social skills, and at least I was less of a nerd nowadays, and that was a change in a good direction. I smiled and replied:

"True, I guess, but that was different a few years ago. Anyway, I found that ecological engineering was very much what I liked to learn, and I focused on my studies a lot. This worked well for a few semesters, but, as I was just barely twenty years old, I just could not help myself and also looked around from time to time for pretty girls."

"That's not a bad thing and perfectly normal! Weren't there many girls in your lectures and courses, too?"

"I believe so, yes, but during the lectures I was almost always fully focused on the topic, and I was proud to see that my grades showed that."

"What about brakes, eating, learning together?"

"I founded a small study group together with two friends, both male; we worked well together and agreed that we did not want to have any distraction by girls in our group."

"What a pity!"

"Well, maybe I should have engaged in other activities as well, but I did not. For quite some time, nothing specifically happened. However, after a period of examinations following what I think was the third semester, I noticed that there was a very pretty girl frequently working at the kiosk where they sell snacks and ice cream and such on campus. After some time I thought that she liked to look at me, too, but at first I believed that I just imagined that. However, I showed up there more frequently, and she always had kind words for me. As I frequently came together with my two friends, even they, also being nerds, confirmed that she seemed to look at me in a special way and had kinder words for me than for most others. Even though, I probably would not have dared to ever really talk to her, but on one day a few co-students mocked me and claimed that I'd never ask a girl out. Right on the same day I went to the kiosk, purchased an ice cream, and actually asked her if she'd like to see me when her shift was over, and, can you imagine that, to my utter surprise and delight she agreed!"

"Oh!"

"Yes, oh. I was even more surprised to see that she actually showed up at the time she had mentioned, and I was nervous and almost scared, as I had not actually expected that. However, we spent about half an hour together, talking and looking. Although I probably stuttered most of the time and said the wrong things, somehow things progressed from there, and we met at least once a week. Just talking to a pretty girl was a big step for me and my shyness, but slowly I became used to it, and I enjoyed our times together. For me this was almost surreal, but it actually did happen."

"Nice!"

"At that time, yes. My own feelings developed, and sooner or later I felt something which I thought might be love at that time. We started to hug and kiss, and I liked it a lot; with the exception of some relatives at young ages, I had never been even remotely close to a girl. She introduced me to some of her friends, but my attention was usually focused on her alone, which she seemed to like. So far the world was quite all right for me, and soon I spent most of my free time with her and her friends. A few of my own co-students and friends told me that they considered a few of the people I now met on a regular basis as kind of 'shady', but I ignored all of those hints. I had a girlfriend now, I was in love, and everything she did and everybody she knew was all right by that definition."

A few of the others nodded, and two of them mentioned that they had experienced something like this before, too.

"Anyway, I was told that she and some friends were working part-time as assistants for a private investigation agency, and that they were something doing observations and such. They claimed that they were sometimes observing specific houses where they were, for instance, hoping to catch a person cheating on their partner by having sex with the gardener, pool boy or such. Maybe I could help a few times? Sure, I agreed, and I was introduced into the techniques of observing people. I was not experienced enough for anything critical, of course, but I could help carrying camera cases, food and drinks, and more. A few times they also allowed me to handle the cameras, and I just did what I was told."

"I smell something coming; did you even check their licenses? Every legal private investigator has a license!"

"No, I did not check that, and I fully agree that I should have. I was too much in love to think about that, most likely. And your suspicion is correct – something was not right, indeed. A few months later I was getting curious when I saw a newspaper article about a gang of criminals robbing specific residences, and I recognized one of the houses as an object I had helped to observe very closely over the previous weeks. I confronted my girlfriend with that article, and she arranged a meeting with her and a few friends to explain. They did not even try to find excuses, and they frankly admitted to be criminals rather than private investigators, although they tried to phrase it in a more indirect way."

"Wow! What did you do?"

"I was totally shocked, and at first I did not know what to say. I looked at my girlfriend like for confirmation, and she nodded and just told me that I was now part of their group as well. That finally got me to reply that I did not have any intentions to be involved in criminal activities, but they laughed and just claimed that I already was. They had proof that I had helped to observe some of the objects they had robbed, and if something came up, I would be guilty as well. I did not know what to say, and another person told me that I sure would not want my family to learn about what I had done, so that I'd better be silent and continue doing my work for them."

"Oh no! How did you get out?"

"Fortunately I had somebody to talk to. My family has a very dedicated lawyer, and while he normally handles business and financial issues, his associate is focused on criminal law, and I had a very long phone conversation with her. I did exactly as she suggested, played the subdued member, and after two more observations they even mocked me and told me when and where the next big raid would happen; I was going to be there on an observation post. I promptly transmitted the information with all of the details I had to the lawyer, and two nights later the raid started. I was on post at one of the access roads, to warn the team via wireless radio if there was unusual activity, like police cars or so. Police did come indeed, but rather than warning the others, I showed and identified myself. Apparently they had been informed by the lawyer, and while I did get arrested right away, I was first guided into a van, and they asked me for all further details I might have. Consequently, the raid was a total failure, and, as far I know, practically everybody involved got arrested."

"Okay, good. What did they do with you?"

"I spend the night in custody, and in the next morning there was a session with police investigators and the lawyer herself. She had me sign the proper papers stating that she was working for me, and with her explicit permission I spilled everything I know about the gang, telling in all detail how I had met them and all. That took a couple of hours, and after that I got some time with the lawyer alone. She told me she was about to get me into what she called 'Kronzeugenregelung' ('leniency program'). I had contributed a lot to get most of the gang arrested, and my own activities had been very limited anyhow. I had not directly stolen anything nor had I injured people, I had only done observations. Based on her experience I was likely to get off lightly, provided I behaved from now on."

"All right – did it work out as expected?"

"It did, yes. I needed to spend a few more days in custody, and then the justice signed the deal my lawyer, the prosecution office and the police had agreed on. Unless I got involved in any dubious activities again in the next few years, as they told me, there would not be any permanent entry on my police record and no sentence."

"And what about your girlfriend?"

"I never saw her again. Fortunately, my physical presence was not required for the main trial against the gang members, and I did not attend as visitor; I only read a summary in the newspaper. The girl had, apparently, just used me for her purposes, and I had promptly fallen for her. Even until this time I have no clue if she even liked me a little bit or was just a good actress."

"Oh my god; that must be a real bad feeling!"

"It was and still is, indeed. I was lucky, though, as my lawyer suggested right away that I need psychological help. I expected her to suggest a psychologist, but she offered an option to either see such as person or a religious counselor. Our family has a strong Lutheran background, and she knew this well. I decided to meet both people once, and the second person to see me was our deacon Karl here. After the first session I knew that he was the right person to talk to. With his guidance I was not only able to recover mentally, but I found myself back to believing properly again, and of course this group here has also helped a lot."

"Glory be to the Lord!"

"Indeed. Now, those events happened almost five years ago, and I feel more or less normal again. I have not had a girlfriend ever since, and I wonder if I ever will."

"Come on; I bet that eventually you will find a nice girl right here in our church community!"

I shook my head; I did not really believe in that, and I had been very guarded in my relations to young adult ladies since those events. I so wished that this might become true, but I did not really see it happening. But now Markus asked:

"So, Timotheus, do you still feel guilty about what happened?"

I had not expected that question, but after a few seconds of deliberation I replied truthfully:

"Sometimes I do, yes. I should have realized much earlier that the group of friends was not clean."

"But you do know," Karl, the deacon, chimed in, "that nobody is perfect, and nobody knows everything in advance?"

"Yes, sure, but still…"

"Overall you can consider yourself lucky that things happened as they did, and it was a good thing that you fully cooperated with the lawyer and the police as soon as you noticed what was going on. By the way, everyone here, please try to keep the story to yourselves. We have managed to keep Tim's name out of the news so far, and I am sure that he'd prefer to keep it this way."

Everybody nodded; they understood, and some of them had already told some embarrassing details about their own past, too. There was a general consensus that those details would not leave the group. After a short time for letting this settle, the deacon insisted that we end the session on a positive note, and he asked:

"Now, Tim, I know that this was a very difficult time for you, and I would like you to summarize what you have learned from those events and specifically how our community has been able to help."

"Certainly, Karl. Now, you were the first person to directly help, as you were the first except police and the lawyer I talked to about all details. At that time, my believe had not been very active, and I did not feel that I really belonged to a church community; at least I did not feel at home in one. I seemed to have my life under control, so what did I need religion for? Those few days and nights I spent in police custody gave me time to think, and while the small cell I was in did not have much, it had a bible, one of those small ones you sometimes also find in hotel rooms."

"They have those in prison cells, too?"

"At least in this one, and one of the guards told me that a bible is never denied to somebody who wants to get one. Anyway, I had read part of the bible in my earlier youth, but I only remember some of the highlights. I did not have much else to do, and I started to read from the beginning. It turned out to be much more interesting than I had expected, and when I was released, I had not quite finished the entire book. Back home, I did have a bible, too, but I had not been using it for some time; now I continued reading. Naturally, I had many questions, and I was fortunate that Karl could answer at least many of them, though not all. In the following weeks, we had regular sessions, and once or twice we met with the pastor, too. Reflecting on my previous life, I decided that I needed to give God more room, and we all started to pray for that. Considering my education, my current job, and all the good friends I have in the city and specifically here in our church community, I believe that I have been able to make some progress. There are still some steps missing, but I need to be patient."

There was some nodding and some smiles around, and there was a final question:

"So, did your family learn about what happened?"

"Oh yes, they sure did. I did not even try to keep it from them, and while my parents were mostly happy about the good ending, my grandfather, our family patriarch, had a longer discussion with me. I got a verbal spanking, so to speak, and things were good again."

After a few moments of reflection I ended my statement:

"Finally, last but not least, this study group here has been my anchor point for the last few years. We all have grown together, and I am proud that I have been a member of the group right since Markus and Ute founded it and were looking for people to join. I hope that we may have more happy years together!"

[Author's Notes: The word 'deacon' is the literal translation from the German word 'Diakon', which is derived from the old Greek word 'διάκονος/diákonos' – somebody who serves and helps. In the Lutheran Church, such a position exists in some communities, and a 'Diakon' of course also has a special education. The words 'Diakon' and 'Diakonie' are common in Germany, in particular in the Lutheran Church. I cannot tell if those positions/meanings also exist in other countries and churches.

For the top company name – Qimonda – I decided to honor a company I had worked for a long time ago by using the name; the company went bankrupt more than a decade ago. The company in this story is organized similar to the 'Robert Bosch GmbH' in real life and owned by a foundation.]