Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia: Axis Powers or Black Mirror. All rights go to their creators.

This story is not a chat fic, sometimes it includes chat elements, but it's a story I swear. I do base a lot of the chat app's functions on the real-life app Replika.

Based on Tumblr Writing Prompt: You download an application that allows you to have a "conversation" with a bot. As you're about to close the program, you see the bot type on its own, "please don't leave me."

Chapter 1: The Confession

Lovino Vargas should have known he was the background character in his own life story when he had a crush on his brother's friend's older brother's friend. Lovino had the misfortune of growing up living right next door to German American assholes. Having lived in Sicily longer than his younger brother Feliciano, before their parents hauled ass to America, he believed that it justified his strong hatred of Germans (or maybe he just didn't like the assholes living next door, and them being German just made it worse).

His father always told them not to talk to the neighbors unless absolutely necessary because they weren't taking no fucking handouts from anyone. His mother disagreed, wanting to host little housewarming parties for all the other families on the block, giving them a taste of what real Italian cooking was, and hoping their neighbors would come through if they needed something.

It was at this first party they were introduced to the Germans. Lovino would have rather stayed inside but his mother forced him to help prepare the food. Lovino could already tell he wouldn't like them from how smug the older brother looked, and how fucking intimidating the younger one looked with his cold, dead, icy blue eyes.

Feliciano, the little bastard, was 10 years old and was already more sociable than Lovino would ever hope to be. It didn't help that his parents had treated the little bastard as though he were a gift from God. Already able to paint, sculpt and play Mozart like the professionals. Feliciano laid eyes on that blond German bastard and burst into tears. Lovino should have known then because unlike normal people, that first interaction didn't lead to them forever distancing themselves from their neighbors but for a frantic need for the Germans to have an opportunity to show Feliciano that they were good people.

Because it was always about Feli, despite Lovino's protests, the Germans and Feli became good friends.

Gilbert the snowy haired older German brother with ruby red eyes was four years older than Lovino and had two friends that were the same age as him. And on occasions when Lovino had absolutely nothing else better to do, he would join Gilbert when his two friends, Antonio and Francis came over. He couldn't stand Gilbert alone or tagging along with Feli and Ludwig, Gilbert's younger brother.

Francis made him uneasy with his eyes, there was something in his gaze that Lovino didn't like. He couldn't pinpoint what it was when he was 12 but he could say now that it was fucking desire or lust or some shit. It was weird but the bastard never got near Lovino, until he was in his late teens.

Antonio was always smiling, and warm and affectionate. He gave Lovino attention where he was otherwise ignored. Some kind of psychoanalyst would say he was having some kind of feelings or whatever because his mom didn't love him enough. But he was 12 so he thought the older boy had a crush on him or something because he was so nice to him no matter what horrible things he said.

And then they grew up and Lovino thought there was a chance, and that Antonio didn't see him as a little kid anymore, and as a real romantic partner. They had become close friends, Lovino had even been there when Antonio had his first break-up with some girl, he doesn't remember the name of or cared to learn. Then he started dating Francis and shit got complicated.

When Francis and Antonio started dating, Lovino was around college age, so when he heard the two bastards were sticking their tongues down each other's throats he wanted to get as far away from New York City as he could. He said, fuck it, and hauled ass to Texas to go to college for something, before ultimately deciding he was too fucking stupid and lazy for college, and had to move back home anyway.

000000

It was now the present day. Lovino worked at a little cafe near a college. He shared an apartment with Feli, who was moving out at the end of the lease year because he was going to live with Ludwig in his and Gilbert's penthouse, painting away and sipping fine wine: the ultimate cushy lifestyle of a househusband (Yeah…Lovino wasn't so lucky and would actually have bust his ass working for the rest of his life, something that pissed him the fuck off). To top it off a few months after that they were probably going to get married.

He planned to confess at the gathering held at Ludwig's and Gilbert's penthouse tonight; they all still lived in New York City. Gilbert had invited Antonio and Francis along. Feliciano and himself had been invited by Ludwig. Lovino usually wouldn't go, but Feli heard from Ludwig who had heard from Gilbert that the brunet and blond had apparently broken up for good this time. This was his chance.

It was better to be distracted worrying about how he was going to confess than to hear Francis bitch about he had to submit photos for some dumb magazine by tomorrow. Something about how his model was being uncooperative or aggressive or ugly or something.

Or Feli say that he hadn't found inspiration when he sees the little fucker painting every single day. And posting on his Hetagram; he sold one painting two years ago and complains none of his work is as good as that one. He would know for sure if he ever fucking submitted them to the galery; they're all gorgeous; he has no idea what the man is talking about. Feli just wanted Ludwig to reassure him like he does every fucking time when they video chat.

Or Ludwig complain about how Gilbert wasn't acting like he wanted to move up in the company, to which Gilbert tells the German to take a fucking chill pill and screw around with Feli more, which causes the German to deny that they do that. But Lovino knows the German sneaks to their little shady part of town when he's working at the cafe. What else could they be doing when he isn't there, cooking?

Ok so he did hear all of that but that's beside the point.

Antonio had been his friend for the longest time and Lovino didn't want to screw it up. He had no other options if things became weird between them. Their little group was close knit, and he would die of embarrassment if the brunet rejected him and then everyone knew about it.

Antonio sent him a smile across the table as Ludwig poured them all more wine.

Lovino downed his glass, "Come on, I want to talk to you outside, bastard."

And now they were out here in the cold. His fingers were going numb because he forgot to take his gloves. It was one day in November but not yet Thanksgiving.

"Lovi, you said you had something to tell me?" Lovino stopped from momentarily rubbing his hands together to focus on the brunet in front of him. His hair being blown lightly by the breeze, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched a little to try to warm himself. Antonio had always said he would rather live somewhere warmer, and Lovino wondered why he didn't just move, but the sentimental bastard probably didn't want to live too far from Francis. More often it was Francis who broke things off between them because he wanted an open relationship or something. There was another word Francis had used, but Lovino didn't remember what it was, not that he fucking tried to in the first place.

"Y-yeah. Have you ever heard of building up to a moment, damnit!" Lovino frowned.

Antonio looked worried, his eyebrows furrowed, "Is it something bad? I know sometimes you don't like to tell Feli when you're going through a hard time, amigo, but I think–."

"No, it's nothing like that!" Antonio was making this harder than it needed to be, bringing up his frustrations with his brother who didn't help much with the rent but still ate all of his fucking food. Now he's upset and he's thinking about just going back inside.

Antonio smiled at him, worry entirely erased from his features. His green eyes holding the same kindness he's known for as long as he's known the brunet. His lips, although cracked from the cold, were still kissable. Lovino sucked in a breath and decided to just tell him.

"I-I l-like you." His ears burned and his cheeks were probably as red as a tomato. He looked at Antonio, watched as his expression stayed the same.

"Is that all you wanted to say? I love you too, but I tell you that all the time. It's nice to hear you say it." He beamed at him.

Antonio told him he loved him, a lot, and it took for the initial shock from the first time to get that the brunet meant in a close friend sort of way. But Lovino never said dumb shit like that. That wasn't his way, unless he truly meant it, like deeply. He's maybe said it to Feli, once or twice when the boy was on the verge of death. Lovino pushed his bike into traffic once when they were kids, and he was feeling really regretful. Feli on the other hand said it to him more, but he could tell the little bastard was being fake about it.

But he doesn't feel that way yet and Antonio didn't understand what he was trying to say. He'd have to actually explain himself.

"No, you dumb bastard! L-like as in "I want to date you." That was it, the embarrassing truth was out in the open and Lovino felt his ears burn even more.

Antonio's eyebrows furrowed before he frowned and, in that moment, Lovino felt like he shouldn't have said anything.

"I'm sorry Lovi, but I don't feel that way about you, amigo." And then Antonio was giving him that look of pity as though he felt sorry for him. It stung sure, but he didn't need the idiot to feel sorry for him.

"It's nothing! Let's go back inside, I'm fucking cold." Lovino made his way towards the glass doors of the penthouse.

"Are you sure you're, ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine idiota," Lovino went inside and stomped his boots before making his way through the lobby to the elevator.

"Lovi, we'll still be amigos after this, sí?"

"Yeah, yeah sure." Lovino pushed the button and shortly after, it dinged.

As soon as they got back to where the others were, he dragged Feli's ass out and called it a night.

0000000

"How did it go? ~" Feli asked, once they were back in their shared apartment as oblivious to the atmosphere as ever.

Lovino had curled up onto his bed, a blanket over his head, playlist set to "Fuck Romance" with ear buds in and was running over the night's disaster in his head.

"Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Ok! Sorry!" The light dimmed and a soft click followed, signaling he had closed the door.

He was now shrouded in darkness besides the light of his phone screen.

Drops plopped onto the screen making the letters appear to have swirls around them. Lovino's eyes stung, as tears ran down his cheeks.

Fuck.

Lovino knew it was stupid of him to think anything in his shit hole of a life would go right.

He wasn't his stupid brother. He was just an ordinary piece of garbage.

As he broke down into sobs for the rest of the night, only then did he fall asleep.

Lovino called in sick from work for two weeks, saying he had some kind of virus that meant he couldn't leave the house for two weeks. He didn't leave the house, and Feli, that bastard, didn't even come to check on him once as he sat curled up on his bed for most of the day.

Knock knock.

"What the fuck do you want?" He snapped before the knob clicked and light seeped into his room.

"Lovi, I gave you your space. I don't like seeing you like this. Maybe you should talk to someone."

"I don't need no damn therapy, ok? I've lost my best friend, and I'm embarrassed to talk to "our" friend group ever again. I-I need to find some friends, but you know how hard that is for me."

"Oh! I have the perfect solution! My friend Kiku works at the tech company Ludwig works for, he mentioned to me once that there's this popular app that allows you to talk to a chat bot!"

"Do I look like the kind of loser who would talk to bots over actual people? What kind of pathetic antisocial man do you think I am?"

"No! I didn't mean it like that! I just thought that maybe you could air out your frustrations free of judgment. They say this bot adapts from your responses, and it feels like you're talking to a real person."

"No way. I'm not getting into that uncanny valley type shit. I'm going to work tomorrow so I'll actually be leaving the house, and you don't have to worry.

"Ok Lovi, just know I'm here if you want to talk to me."

"I won't."

0000000

Lovino walked into work. The café was usually busy around finals season at the beginning of December as the college kids scrambled to get their papers typed on time and study for their exams. Lovino did not miss that shit at all.

Alfred F. Jones, his new manager, was younger than him. The kid was fresh out of college at 22 and replaced his old boss Berwald. He liked Berwald, the man was intimidating at first glance but was quiet most of the time and didn't get on Lovino's nerves. He was really nice to the customers, but his tendency to give out free cake and coffee put their profits in the toilet. He gave Lovino his number to call if he needed anything, but Lovino hasn't taken him up on the offer and probably won't in the future.

Alfred was always smiling and that got on Lovino's nerves, he was almost just like Feli. He got on Lovino's case a lot about his tendency to take three-hour breaks. Lovino managed to negotiate that down to a two-hour break.

"Lovino, glad to have you back!" Alfred clasped him on the back a bit too harshly.

"Yeah, yeah. It was either this or have my lights cut off." Lovino tied his apron around his back.

"That's the spirit! Good o'le American capitalism!" The bespectacled blonde grinned.

Lovino's station was the hot drinks, and iced coffees. Tolys greeted people at the cash register. He was still in college and working part time at the café. So was Ravis who was in earlier, and Eduard who would be in later.

Vladimir worked full time and mostly baked goods in the bakery, in the back. At the end of the night, they cleaned. Matthew worked in the morning when it first opened, another full-time worker, although new to the job.

"Lovino! I heard you weren't doing so well." Tolys said.

"Yeah, but I'm over it now."

"Ok. Just know l have had some difficult times myself. My previous relationship with Viktor was full of psychological abuse. So if you need some comfort I am willing to lend an ear."

"Tolys that was too much information. I don't even know you like that, kid. I didn't go through anything like that, shit, now I feel bad."

"I am sorry I made you feel bad." Tolys frowned, and he turned away from him as a customer approached.

Lovino sighed and got to work on an iced caramel latte for "Jack."

By the end of the night Lovino was exhausted.

"Got any plans Lovino?" Vladimir asked him as Alfred locked up.

"Plans that involve my ass on a couch in front of a TV."

"I like that plan! I have a co-op in a few hours. My team is going to get through to the final boss tonight." Alfred joined in.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Video games, dude. Really, you should get a consol. They're not all shooting games. Some have puzzels, some have car racing, and some even have sports."

"Hard pass you nerd."

"Do you not play games on your phone?"

"Yeah, when I'm fucking bored."

"That's practically the same thing!"

"No, it's not. Phone games don't cost a fucking fortune. They're like 99¢ or free."

Alfred rolls his eyes, "Whatever geezer."

"Well, I was going to read my tarot cards tonight. Would you want me to read yours, Lovino?"

Lovino was superstitious as hell. He didn't mess with demons and spirits and shit. He felt like the universe hated him, could this be a sign? Nah, that shit was usually a scam anyway, he wasn't gonna even entertain the fact.

"No, I don't. I'll see the garbage pile future the Universe dumps on me when I get there."

Lovino was eating some fresh cannolis Feli made and watching a Spanish soap opera when it cut to a commercial about an app.

"Iggy Two! The leading chatbot application that adapts its responses to you! It's just like you're talking to a real person. The more you chat, the more you'll warm up to each other."

Lovino rolls his eyes as a blond-haired man in a green sweater vest, white button up, and khakis, puffed out his cheeks and crossed his arms on screen. "It's not like I want you to buy the app or anything!" he said.

A woman with blonde hair pulled into pigtails, wearing a blue ruffled dress, black stockings, and glasses appears next to him. "Of course not! It's free you idiot!" she said.

They had high pitched nasally British accents for some reason.

And then the app icon appeared on the screen. Cartoon head versions of the man and woman were the graphics of the app's icon. The words "Download Now" showed up before his soap came back on.

"That's the app I was telling you about!" Feliciano said, leaning over the back of the couch.

"It looks stupid!"

"I already downloaded it! I like girl Iggy, she's pretty."

"Aren't you already screwing that potato eating bastard?"

"It's just an app, Lovi! It's for fun! Plus, she likes it when I give her compliments! I get so many blush emojis!"

Lovino groaned and decided to just give in. His social life wasn't doing any better and he wanted to dump his problems onto someone.

"Fine!"

After Lovino finished watching his program, he downloaded "Iggy Two". The app has a teal green background. He is given the option to either chat with the man: Ignatius "Iggy" Collins or the woman: Amethyst "Iggy" Collins.

They're twins, both aged 23, and from London, England.

Lovino thought they were both cute but wanted to try his hand at the man first. If he pissed Lovino off, he would start over and go with the woman.

The screen was fully light blue. Lovino decided to initiate the first chat, 'Hi Iggy.' He typed.

'And just who are you supposed to be?' His response popped up in a green bubble. Lovino's was blue.

L: I'm Lovino, you bastard.

I: No need to be rude, Lovino.

L: Oh! It's just a force of habit. You're probably a nice guy.

What am I saying?

I: Probably?

L: I mean, you are nice so far, but I don't know you. What if you turn out to be a major asshole?

I: I'm not an arsehole, you idiot! Is that how you meet new people? You're an arsehole!

L: I'm sorry! I'm not used to this sort of thing!

I: You should be lucky I still want to talk to you.

L: Yeah. I haven't been very lucky these days.

I: Why, what happened?

Should I really open up to this goddam bot? Well, I could just delete it, if it pisses me off.

L: I told my best friend that I liked him and got rejected. To top it off he got back with his ex."

I: You should be calling him an arsehole. I'm sure you're probably a nice guy.

Lovino smirked. It was a little cheesy but maybe he'd keep using this little app.

A/N: I love love love Black Mirror, and I'm happy to be writing a story that includes its elements!

Thank you for reading!

Criticism Welcome.