Wisteria Eyed

by The Otaku Lady Priya

She was not a part of their world; nor did she want to be, if she had to be honest. But now she was here and her very existence was causing ripples in the storyline of an already decided plot. And with her luck? She'd probably end up exactly in the middle of all the shit. {Slow updates and very slow burn}

69. Chapter 62

In my life as Miyasha, I'd developed a lot of habits that I never previously had as Chaya, with the most recent of them being adjusting and tugging at my glasses whenever I felt awkward or nervous.

It wasn't the only habit that I developed but it was the most prominent one that I noticed after reliving the last few days of my past life. Reliving those moments made me realize how much I had changed, which I had somehow missed or rather avoided noticing up until now.

A sigh escaped my lips as I packed my white satchel as always before going to any mission or intel collection.

Even now, as I thought about the strange habits I'd developed, I adjusted my glasses almost subconsciously to somehow alleviate the jitteriness I was feeling.

I didn't quite like how much a simple task was giving me this much anxiety — it was a simple week or so long intel collection with one of the Hashiras I was very comfortable with. Maybe.

I sighed again as I closed my satchel and put my face in my hands.

My life was a mess and I was the reason for every single one of its messy ends.

I mean, I knew how sweet and understanding Giyuu was and, with how he had been looking at me for the whole meeting yesterday, I was almost sure he held no grudges against me — even when I just kissed and dashed like the shameless anxious bitch I was.

His eyes held nothing but concern and acceptance for the past two days and that was further cemented by his words as he had even stepped up to reassure me alongside others. I knew he would never force me to say anything or even explain myself if I didn't want to and yet...

And yet, I still felt this high level of anxiety as if I was going to swim in an ocean whirled with typhoons.

Another sigh escaped my lips as I took my hands off my face and stood up. There's no use worrying about it or feeling anxious needlessly like this.

All I could do was face it — that's the only choice I had and that was the only thing I was gonna do. No use running away from it.

No, I can't run away from it. Giyuu deserved better than that, especially when he put his whole heart and soul into doing everything for me. Especially during that night.

I could feel my face flush as my own words registered to me.

God, was I pathetic.
I still don't get why the fuck I got so shy thinking about that night—

"Okay, enough," I spoke out loud as I felt my cheeks turn even warmer, "It's fine, everything is fine. I'm not shy. Or embarrassed. I can talk about it to Giyuu like an adult. Yes, yes, I can."

Unfortunately, as I turned to the mirror in my room, my face was still red and I looked like an idiot in love who couldn't even look straight at her senpai.

I immediately made a face at my own thoughts, feeling even more ridiculous with everything going on before I decided to just fuck it and leave the room before I could think of anything stupider than I already was.

I took a deep breath to clear my mind as I reached the bottom stair, noticing no one in the vicinity as everyone was busy packing for the shift to Kamikochi even this early in the morning.

I kinda felt bad that I was leaving them at a time like this but information was the main weapon in this war and without that, we would lose in a blink. To avoid that, I needed to arrange my string of informants in a way that I could trap Muzan before he could even trace anything back to us.

I wanted to smack that bastard in the back while he kept gloating in his false sense of security.

I had almost left the Butterfly Estate when I ran into Giyuu, his blue eyes widening in surprise when he met me outside.

"Miyasha," his eyes looked so vibrant in contrast to the still dark coral skies, "You're ready?"

"Ohayo, senpai," I hated how that term was now tainted for me again as I gave him an awkward smile, "And yes, I am ready. Is there anything you need to do or shall we leave?"

Giyuu shook his head silently while he offered his hand to me in a manner as if he was going to escort me; his whole gentlemanly act making my heart skip.

I didn't know what to do except accept his hand as we started for the mission; his warm hand wrapped around mine making my heart almost thunder in my chest.

I still wasn't quite feeling like myself, to be honest. And that made me really feel confused about whether I was actually feeling the way I was because of a raging crush and love for this guy or if it was just the anxiety in my chest manifesting in the form of my thundering heartbeat.

Our eyes met again as we walked, my face turning red as he gave me a gentle smile and squeezed my hand.

"Everything is alright," he softly relayed, "It will be alright." His words worked like magic on my body, calming me down immediately as if that was the exact thing I needed to hear.

"You don't have to talk," Giyuu gently consoled me as his hand left mine, making my hand feel cold and empty all of a sudden, "I don't mind if you don't. I'm good with silence."

I remember him telling me this before and how these were the exact words that made me realise I loved him.

It was funny how these words still made me smile and feel light despite knowing how much it meant for him to say that.

"Giyuu," I started slowly, not daring to look at him as I instead faced ahead while rubbing my cold hands together, "I, I want to talk but just... not now. I-It's not because of you but me because I'm just, I'm so fucking coward and anxious that I'm not able to think properly right now. But I promise, I'll talk to you and we will discuss the whole thing just as you want; that's the least I can do."

A beat of silence passed as I kept looking at the gravel underneath my feet, not daring to look up in fear of something I wasn't yet sure about.

"You don't have to push yourself," his voice was as kind as ever when he relayed that but it made me feel like he was putting a wall between us, "I don't mind even if we don't talk about it."

His words internally froze me, making me realize that maybe I was too late; that maybe I'd hurt him so much that I'd repealed him enough to make him detach from me.

Maybe he was already over me and our talk, already above those emotions after accepting my rejection.

And that thought completely froze me before the realization hit and shattered all the hope and thoughts I had.

I closed my eyes as a peel of humourless laughter bubbled in from the inside.
All this time, I had been treating Giyuu as nothing but a mere character I read about in my past life and by the time I did recognise him as a human or even my feelings for him, I was too late.

I was too late and I lost my chance to even justify myself.

I laughed again at my foolishness and how I felt absolutely heartbroken about it; I didn't have the right to even feel this way and I knew it.

Giyuu deserved to move on when he gave me his whole heart and I gave him nothing but abandonment in return.

"Miyasha," I gasped as his hand suddenly caught my shoulder, "What are you thinking?"

"E-Eh?"

"Stop whatever you are thinking," his face contorted into a frown, "It's not true, whatever your thoughts tell you; you told me that, remember?"

"Yes," I slowly replied, "Yes, I, uh, I remember saying that."

"Then please don't listen to them," Giyuu begged, surprising me as his hands gently caressed my face in a feathery touch, "I don't want to worry you but don't listen to them. Only listen to what I say because..."

"Because?"

"I don't want to hurt you," he suddenly declared, before shaking his head, "No, I would never hurt you because it hurts me when I hurt you and I don't want that because you told me I should love myself."

"Eh?"

"Please don't listen to your hurtful thoughts," he finally said, "I hate when I see you hurt and your laughter right now was very painful."

"...was it?" I asked rhetorically, feeling quite strange all of a sudden as my thoughts quietened down with his one single touch, "Sorry about that."

He didn't reply as he gently let go of my cheek, his hand falling beside me as we walked side by side.

It wasn't until his hands brushed against mine that I realized how close we were walking and I honestly couldn't help close the distance even more.

---

A sigh escaped my lips as I looked down on the restaurant up from my place on the rooftop, "Of all the days, it had to happen today, huh?"

In front of the restaurant my server informants worked in, a big fight had started that had almost become physical — an event that wasn't quite common for the place but wasn't rare either.

And, unfortunately, today was the day one of those brawls decided to take place, in broad daylight, too.

I could feel Giyuu's stare on me before it shifted to look down intently, his eyes making me feel like he was contemplating whether or not to get involved.

"Don't," I warned almost off-handedly, making him turn to me with questions in his eyes, "It's no use getting all that attention on us, especially since I saw someone running towards the station just now. That means the police will be here in a quarter of an hour at most and maybe then we can make our move. It's better that way than getting involved in vain and being remembered by the witnesses."

"You are planning to wait?"

I hummed as I looked around once more, "Still contemplating," I answered honestly, "Maybe it's better to just let the brawl distract the crowd."

"Distract?" His brows furrowed in confusion, "For what?"

"For a little visit," I replied as I changed my position to get down in the alleyway beside us in an unnoticeable manner, "It's more efficient to go visit directly than wait here, at this point!"

I jumped down swiftly, my clothes ruffling through the cold air that breezed past them as I landed on my feet pretty silently.

I adjusted my clothes quickly as Giyuu followed me flawlessly, making me wonder if it was a Main Character thing to land so perfectly that even a strand of your hair doesn't get ruffled at all.

I immediately shook my head as soon as the thought properly registered in my mind; my heart pinching in an odd way as I realized how I was viewing him only as a character again.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper as he leaned close enough to make me feel his body heat.

"I am going to get some information," I replied honestly as I stepped back a bit, suppressing the shiver that went down my spine as I looked away, "As well as eat something. It's almost lunchtime too, isn't it?"

He simply blinked at me blankly before nodding back and following me, making me realize belatedly that he counted himself in when I said I was going to the restaurant.

"You're coming too?" I asked off-handedly as we passed through the crowd and into the restaurant without anyone noticing us, "I thought you'd prefer some other place!" I half-jokingly put out as we entered the restaurant while some police officers came hollering in just after we passed.

What a good timing.

"I want to eat with you," he answered honestly and almost cluelessly, his voice barely above a whisper, "Is it alright?"

"O-Of course!" I suppressed another shiver down my spine, wondering if he was really oblivious to my struggle or was just doing all this knowingly, "I was just joking, senpai!"

No fucking pain or disease or anything could affect me physically as much as this bastard did, I swear to God.

We both entered the old Japanese-style restaurant before being quickly guided to a table while a very familiar server came in to greet us.
I nodded to the young male, smiling mischievously as he looked at me with surprise.

"Welcome to our restaurant!" He gave us his standard greeting, "What should we get started for you?"

"What's popular in your restaurant right now?" I asked him slyly as I discretely passed the note I had written previously, "Any recommendations?"

His brown eyes looked down at my hand before launching into an explanation to answer my question, flailing his hands around dramatically before grabbing the note away from the table in a very unnoticeable manner. Once he was successful in doing that, we placed our orders quickly and dismissed him.

"I'll be right with your and your husband's order, then!" He exclaimed loudly, making my eyes widen while his smile stretched from ear to ear in mischief, "Just give us ten minutes!"

"Hey—!" He stormed back into the kitchen like a whirlwind before I could correct him, leaving me in a very awkward situation with Giyuu as his blue eyes stared at me intently.

"Sorry for that," I decided to apologise as I cleared my throat, "Kazuma genuinely loves to tease me whenever he can and looks like he decided to drag you into his mischief this time."

"...is he your informant?" He asked softly, leaning towards me to make sure no one could hear the words we were exchanging, "Are you close to him?"

"Yes but," I wondered if he was asking this in general or was he... jealous? "I am as close to him as one is to their employees; he sees me as someone who pays him good money for information, that's it."

Giyuu nodded as he leaned back on his seat, his hooded eyes looking at me almost lazily, "I'm glad."

"Why?" I decided to tease him a bit, feeling silly for being the only one in an awkward position, "Feeling jealous?"

I assumed he would blush or maybe even deny it with a straight face. However, Giyuu seemed to be more confused than anything else as he blinked blankly at me a few times.

"Is what I am feeling called jealousy?" He asked me instead, his tone as serious as it could be, "I only want your attention on me and no one else. Is this called jealousy?"

I felt speechless as my face flushed quickly, the red climbing up from my neck to my cheeks as I looked away instead of answering him.
Any and all doubts I was having earlier — all vanished as Giyuu's words registered in my mind.

This motherfucking sly son of a bitch!

Before I could somehow settle my heart and thoughts, his hand suddenly reached out for mine, grabbing my hand gently over the table as he called my name tenderly.

"Miyasha," I looked back at him shyly only to be met with his beautiful soft smile, "Can you please only look at me?"

Oh my fucking God.
This fucking smooth bastard.

I felt my face flush even more as I covered my face with both my hands, feeling completely embarrassed. I rubbed my face before removing my hands after a few moments, glaring at the fucking oblivious man in front of me.

"Please don't say things like that," I glared at him with no real heat as I could feel the other customers in the restaurant looking and smiling at us, "It can create misunderstandings."

"Misunderstandings?" He looked at me curiously as he tilted his head, "About what? That I like you? But I do?"

I closed my eyes as I felt my heart almost beat right outta my chest; finally realizing that this bastard, in no way possible, was oblivious.

No, the innocent smile that he was directing at me with the very intentional look in his eyes was clearly telling me he knew exactly what he was doing and I honestly didn't know how to react to this.

I looked back to our past interactions, trying to find when his actions had started becoming intentional and I genuinely didn't know.
I honestly couldn't tell and that left me both speechless and feeling more stupid than I ever felt. I even wanted to ask him about it but couldn't as my throat felt strangely parched.

It wasn't until our food had arrived and Kazuma passed me another note that I broke out of my stupor; the whole thing making me feel very strange and tingly that I didn't want to think about it anymore right now.

Because if I did, I knew I would say something which I would regret later on.

Instead, I focused on the steaming hot food in front of me while slipping the note passed to me down on my lap. I needed to read it and get back to Kazuma as soon as possible but right now...

My eyes wandered to Giyuu, who kept peeking at me curiously instead of eating his food.

I shook my head and signalled him to eat as well, focusing my mind on drawing up what to do next while we silently shared a meal. I still needed to talk to Kazuma directly and maybe I could ask him to direct the other informants in the area in my place as well. I nodded to myself as I continued eating absent-mindedly.

Sharing a meal with Giyuu was honestly quite pleasant if I had to be honest. I didn't need to force myself to have any small talk since even sitting in silence with him felt comfortable.

It was a strange feeling, really — this feeling of comfort that I had around him. And it wasn't just because of his warm aura.

It was a type of comfort that made me feel I could do anything and he wouldn't judge me. Or rather, I could do anything and he would just stand beside me, supporting me silently.
It was a type of silent support that I never expected and I honestly didn't know how to reciprocate or even appreciate either. And yet, Giyuu somehow didn't seem to mind it.

It made me wonder if he really was this naive to let me just use him without giving anything back. Or was he selfless enough to not care about getting anything back?

I put down my chopsticks as I was done with my food, my eyes looking up to meet the deep blue ones that kept glancing at me occasionally throughout the meal.
I couldn't help but smile at his messy eating habits since the rice stuck on his face made him look incredibly cute.

"Do you need a handkerchief?" I asked softly, keeping my voice low so as to not embarrass him.

I took one out as soon as he nodded, handing him the handkerchief silently while he struggled to clean his face with it like an innocent child.

The entire thing made me chuckle wholeheartedly as I leaned in to help him get off the food stuck on his face, feeling as if my heart was gonna burst as he silently allowed me to do so as well. The act itself was not that intimate or anything but the utter trust his eyes reflected back at me was something that made my heart pound.

That blind trust and patience made me feel guilty and happy. Scared and exhilarated. Anxious and hopeful.

It was another strange combination of emotions that only this man could make me feel and I honestly didn't even hate it.
Was this what it felt to be in love? This irrational and confusing mix of emotions?

My mind was clouded with such strange thoughts and even stranger emotions as I went through the rest of the day in an auto-pilot state — somehow managing to complete all the tasks that I needed to do there, including directing Kazuma to contact the other informants of mine and handing over the spare Demon slayer uniforms that I had picked up for them to use while making false leads to confuse Muzan.

Once that was done, we moved on to our next target and went through the motions without any significant issues hindering us.

It wasn't until the Sun had almost set that Giyuu pulled me aside and I realised we had to stop for the day.

What was even worse, aside from my anxiety crashing down on me full-force as I realized my blunder, was that we were too far away from any Wisteria House to stay in either.

"Ah, I apologise for that," I laughed nervously as we looked for an inn together, "I should have noticed it earlier and not kept walking—"

"It's fine," Giyuu gently interrupted me, his big warm hand reassuringly wrapping around mine, "It's better to take an inn since Kibutsuji would be looking for us."

"Ah, that's true," I nodded, realising that it indeed was quite plausible that that bastard had put up his eye familiars all around the places he knew demon slayers would frequent a lot — such as the Wisteria-crested Households.

In such a scenario, the best thing would be to avoid them, wouldn't it?

Even though there was also a good chance that he may not know that those places were affiliated with the Corps, it's better safe than sorry.

"Maybe we can search one up after the Sun goes down to hunt one of those eye familiars," I mused out loud, "I can then get one or two corpses of those familiars for my experiments."

I broke out of my thoughts as Giyuu's hand tightened around mine, "I would do that."

"Hm?" I turned to him confused as he leaned close enough to whisper in my ear.

"I'll hunt them down for you," I could feel his warm breath on me, making me shiver involuntarily as he continued, "Don't go anywhere without me, alright?"

"Ha-Hai," I felt my face warm up as I stepped back to create some distance between us, "I, I was just musing it out loud! We don't have to do that necessarily..."

"I can hunt them down for you," Giyuu stated honestly, "I don't want you to get hurt again."

I chuckled guiltily as I got the meaning behind his words, "Ah, yes, I understand your worries, given my history with the Demon Moons and all."

"No," he shook his head again as he stepped closer to me, his hand still holding mine in that gentle yet firm grip of his, "You don't know." His eyes reflected the conviction his words relayed, making me feel confused for a second before he elaborated.

"You don't know how," Giyuu paused, his eyes dripping with such intense emotions that I couldn't even decipher them individually, "You don't know how it felt. How it was to see you lifeless. You don't know how you looked when you were unconscious for those weeks."

His grip on my hand tightened before loosening again, "You don't, you don't know how it felt to watch you slowly die."

His other hand gently rubbed my cheek as he leaned closer to me, his nose almost touching mine while he looked into my eyes, "I won't mind if you don't love me or even hate me but I can't see you like that again. Please."

"I, I promise," I stuttered as the intense pain in his voice made my heart pinch with guilt and strange happiness, "I won't go alone or do anything like that, I promise. And I, I'm sorry for everything. I didn't realise—"

I quickly shut my mouth as his hand, which was previously on my cheek, covered my lips.

"Let's talk inside," his smooth voice whispered as he looked around us, making me do the same as I realized it was way too quiet despite the Sun barely setting down.

It was very odd seeing little to no people around us, reminding me how we were in one of the lesser populated towns that were well-known to have demons crawling around due to how far it was from the main city and police station.

"Yes, let's do that."

We immediately went around the town, with Giyuu shadowing behind me instead of splitting up as we would usually do, to find a decent Inn. And when we finally did, we immediately went to check in without any delays.

"Oh, are you a young couple travelling to the city?" The old innkeeper looked at us with her knowing smile, "Planning to settle there, hm?"

"Maybe," I replied instantly as I felt Giyuu stiffen beside me, "We are yet to decide, actually. Currently, we are only travelling for the new job that is offered to my husband."

"Ooh, congratulations!" Her eyes gleamed as she welcomed us in, her chatter making the atmosphere around us more comfortable while she showed us around the inn. Soon, she paused in front of a room before turning to us.

"This is your room," she bowed slightly as she continued, "I'll call you in an hour when the food is served. Until then, please rest."

She bowed once again before leaving us behind in a hurry, her sudden haste making Giyuu and I look at each other in confusion.

"Wait," my expression turned into that of horror once I realised what had just happened, "Did she just give us both the same room?!"

I was almost about to leave after her before Giyuu stopped me.

"Don't," he gently grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving, "There's no need."

"Wh-What do you mean by that?" I felt myself flush at his words, "How would we change our clothes? Or even sleep?"

"I can leave when you change," he offered, "And you can do the same when I change."

"A-And when we sleep?"

"We will ask for another futon," he replied calmly before opening the sliding door and going inside, "Maybe they already gave two?" He went in to check, his rational words calming me down significantly while he declared that they indeed did give us two futons.

"I'm sorry for my short-sightedness," I bit my lip as I thought back to all the blunders I made today, "I really should've just denied when she was alluding to us as a couple but I just... Because of me, you have to suffer through all this needlessly. I'm terribly sorry for all of this."

"Are you uncomfortable with this?" Giyuu asked honestly, to which I shook my head, "Then I don't mind either." He slowly approached me and took my hand into his again, "I like staying beside you. I want to stay beside you." He almost whispered in my ear before moving away, "If it's alright with you?"

I couldn't suppress the shiver that went through my body this time.

"Why?" I stared him right in the eyes, "Why are you... why are you doing this? Why are acting so..."

Bold. Straightforward. Kind.

Giyuu only smiled at me instead of answering as he walked out of the room.

"Giyuu...?"

"Let's talk after we bathe and eat," his blue eyes had a strange worried and sad look to them, "Don't overthink about it, alright?"

"...alright."

There was an unusual feeling in my chest that made me feel small and oddly remorseful as I watched his back from behind.

.

...

The sliding door in front of me was rather plain-looking; it had a pastel yellow tint to it with a common sage-green pattern at the bottom of it. There was nothing special about this door that was different from any other door I had seen in this era.

However, the more I looked at it, the more hesitant and anxious it made me feel.

About two hours or so had passed since we'd arrived at the inn. Both I and Giyuu have changed, bathed and eaten — sharing dinner together just a few minutes prior before he got up and left, asking me to come into the room whenever I was comfortable.

And while I knew he did that to give me some space and time to ease my nerves, it almost had the opposite effect.

I felt anxious. Worried. Like there was a large knot in my abdomen that kept twisting and twisting to become this giant ball of emotions that demanded my attention and the need to be addressed.
And the more I stood in front of our room and stared at the door, the worse it got.

I wanted to run away — run somewhere so far away that no one could find me. I wanted to be isolated, buried deep in some forest where I was surrounded by nothing but greenery and my own thoughts.

However, I knew that was not viable. I couldn't always run away from my problems.

'Not to mention,' I closed my eyes and just pulled the door open with a jerk, 'It is not fair to Giyuu.'

"...Miyasha?" Giyuu blinked at me blankly, "Is everything alright?"

"Y-Yes!" I blushed as I noticed him arranging the futon — most likely making his bed, "I, uh, I'm sorry for that sudden door opening."

His blue eyes stared at me intensely before he decided to get up from his futon and approach me.

My breath hitched when he came close enough to almost hug me before he leaned to one side and closed the door behind me, his one arm almost encircling me completely as his figure shadowed me completely.

"Sit down," he said gently as he stepped back, his eyes looking back to the futon, "I'll help you make the bed. Or would you like to talk first?"

"Um," I couldn't help but hesitate, given how anxious I was feeling and Giyuu noticed that.

"We don't have to talk if you are not comfortable," he relayed the same words for a second time today, his hand reaching out to me almost naturally before pausing and moving away, "I understand there are things that are hard to say. I don't want to coerce you to talk about them."

His gaze looked down at his own hand with an unidentifiable gaze, "I... only want to ask for your permission."

"Permission?" I frowned in confusion, "For what?"

"To love you," his words froze me as he softly smiled at my baffled expression, "I won't ask you to love me... just give me permission to love you."

I didn't notice the silence that followed after his words as my own thoughts buzzed in my mind loudly; a few were ecstatic while the rest were fearful and guilty.

"Why," my voice sounded unusually smaller as I asked, "Why do you still...?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Giyuu tilted his head.

"Because I lied?" I replied incredulously, "I, I didn't tell you the truth? I knew everything about you from the beginning despite you not telling me anything! But, but I still lied and have always—"

Warm arms wrapped around me, interrupting me from my rant and giving me a chance to finally notice how my body was hyperventilating.

"I, I," it was strange feeling this way; feeling as if I was wronged despite knowing damn well I had no right to feel that way, "I had hidden so much from you. How can you, how can you just accept that? How can you forgive me for that? How!?"

"Because it's you," his words made me gasp as he tightened his arms around me, "We don't mind because we know it's you and you are the only one allowed to know about us."

The laugh that bubbled from inside me was not one of humour.
"No," I refused to believe his reasoning, "No. You can't forgive me that easily — you shouldn't forgive me that easily."

"Why?" This time, it was Giyuu asking it as he gently rubbed loose circles on my back, "Why shouldn't we forgive you for being afraid? For burdening yourself with tasks that you couldn't even share?"

"Shut up," I harshly said out loud, "Just shut up."

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone, for not understanding your pain."

"Giyuu, I'm telling you to sto—"

"We can help you. You don't have to carry it alone — we can do it together."

"Just shut up!" I yelled, pushing Giyuu away as I tried taking a deep breath but felt myself shiver from unrestrained tears anyway, "Please. Please just, just stop talking."

The silence felt sharp, almost biting on my skin as I suppressed my tears, hating everything I was feeling. The feeling of guilt and regret mixed with a heavy dosage of relief was such an odd yet ridiculous combination that I couldn't even start to comprehend it.

I hated how his words made me feel relieved and yet, somewhere, somehow, made me feel as if I was wronged. As if I was ridiculous to ever worry about their reactions. As if I was anxious over nothing.

They made all my struggles, all my pain sound like it was for nothing.

As if what I did was all fine and dandy and there was nothing to worry about.

As if I didn't lie and deceive them from the beginning. As if I didn't stand as a spectator despite knowing exactly what they were, and would be, going through.

As if it was alright not feeling the way I did.

Tears stained with blood dripped down my eyes, making me chuckle at their presence. I couldn't even suppress them properly, huh?

Warm hands hesitantly cupped my cheeks, making me look up to the worried blue eyes as they observed my messed up appearance. This was when I finally noticed that we had, somehow, ended up kneeling on the ground.

Giyuu gently rubbed the tears off my cheeks, staining his own hands red without a second thought.

"Miyasha—"

"I am not deserving of your forgiveness," I interrupted him deliberately, "Let alone your apology, Hashira-sama. I, I have hidden a lot many things that I still haven't confessed. Do you genuinely think a good person would do it?"

"Does the secret harm us?" He questioned calmly as he waited for me to answer, which I couldn't, "Then I don't mind. You are allowed to keep your secrets, to keep things that are personal and important to you."

"Even when it means I'm deceiving you?"

"You are not deceiving us if you are not harming us or gaining anything from us."

"How do you know that? What if I am?" I asked tentatively, "What if I'm doing so to gain your blind trust?"

"Then you don't need to," Giyuu smiled as his eyes met mine, "Because you already have it. It would be too little of a benefit to gain from such actions."

I genuinely felt at a loss for words after what he said; my whole world seemingly crumbling with just a few of his words.

"Don't," I couldn't stop the words from flowing out of my mouth, "Don't forgive me so easily."

"I don't have anything to forgive you for," his words were soft and kind but felt oddly sharp on my conscious, "I am only accepting what you have confided in us so confidently."

"You didn't lie to us," Giyuu continued, "You didn't deceive us; you confided in us about your life and things before it that you didn't even have to. And I'm thankful for that."

His words made me chuckle as a fresh wave of bloodstained tears dripped down my eyes.

This whole thing — this reincarnation, realizing I was in an anime, watching people die in front of me; everything in this life of mine had left me emotionally wrecked and twisted beyond words.

I couldn't help but look at myself like a criminal when I realized how afraid I was of future events and how I just wanted to run away from them. That feeling had only grown beyond bounds the more I turned older; pushing me towards the 'characters' even more as I came across them.

And when I did meet with the 'characters', a new feeling of guilt and fear bloomed once I came to the realization that they were just as real as I was.

Maybe that's why such easy acceptance felt painful to me because I hoped to be greeted with anger and shaper words. Such blind faith felt undeserving and unjustified after what I'd felt for years.

Such easy forgiveness made me feel more angry towards myself because I knew I didn't deserve it.

Warm hands brushed away my tears again, before moving away to bring a red handkerchief to me. The kindness behind that smooth red cloth handed to me made me realise even more how much they didn't deserve what I did to them.

"You deserve better," I cleared my throat so as to decrease how much my voice quivered, "You deserve so much better than how I am treating you."

Giyuu didn't say anything for a few moments, silently staring at me, as if contemplating something, before suddenly sliding his one arm underneath my knees and the other behind my back.

"Gi—" I yelped as he carried me in his arms effortlessly, his warm aura completely engulfing me once again before he deposited me on the futon, "Gi-Giyuu?"

"It's cold on the floor," he replied absent-mindedly as he looked around, "Sit here and talk." He then proceeded to go back to pick up the red handkerchief I had accidentally dropped and handed it back to me.

I stared at him speechless as he finally sat down in front of me, his eyes meeting mine almost instantly once he settled down properly.

"I," There was a hesitance in his voice as he continued, "I like listening to you, Miyasha. You have helped me understand a lot about myself."

"That's," I don't know why he was suddenly bringing this topic out right now, but it felt strange listening to it, "That's the least I could do, honestly."

"That's why I trust you," he smiled so easily in front of me that it made my heart pinch, "I love you and I trust everything you tell me because I know you would never harm anyone without any reason."

His trust in me felt stifling but his next words felt even more bizarre.

"I wondered how right you were," Giyuu seemed to muse out loud, "About not being able to understand you. I wondered if I genuinely wouldn't be able to understand your actions," his hand gently took ahold of mine, "I agreed with almost everything you say but that, that I couldn't accept."

"I want to prove you wrong, Miyasha," he rubbed his fingers on my hand tenderly, "I want to understand you. No, I will understand you. I will take the responsibility that'll follow after that understanding."

"Even if you regret it later on?"

"Regret follows in the shadow of choice," blue eyes stared right into my bluish-violet ones, "And I don't mind regretting if it means that I'll get to understand you a little bit better." He kissed the back of my hands lovingly, "I want to return the favour of understanding that you've shown me for so long — the understanding you've shown us while taking responsibility for it all alone."

"So, Miyasha," Giyuu called out my name softly, "Please, let me in. Don't push me away."

I closed my eyes as I leaned on his shoulder, suddenly feeling exhausted as if his words had physically hit me. His warm aura and even warmer gaze didn't help it either.

"I am from," the fear I harboured for so long gripped my throat once again. However, this time, I was able to brush it off more easily as I continued slowly, "I am not only reincarnated but also from a different world."

Words that I never thought I would ever be able to relay to anyone slowly flowed out of my lips, tears accompanying each word as I could physically feel the burden behind those words slipping off my shoulders.

His warm hand never stopped caressing my head, even when I stated how he was nothing but a mere character of some manga in my world; his voice relayed nothing but absolute sincerity and understanding as he merely enquired about the technicalities of the terms I used while listening to me intently.

"So, the book you had read about us was a drawn illustration called 'manga'?" Giyuu asked, to which I nodded in answer, "And you couldn't finish it because it was still being written when you passed away?"

I nodded again as Giyuu hummed before wrapping his other arm around me suddenly and pulling me even closer to his chest than before.

"Giyuu...?"

"Thank you for confiding in me with such important secrets of your life," his grateful tone made my heart pinch, "Thank you for your trust."

I closed my eyes and hid myself in his warm embrace; as if I was trying to bury myself in his chest, "Yo-You don't mind?"

"Mind what?"

"That I am not only reincarnated but also from a different world?" My voice somehow still felt loud to me despite being as muffled as it was, given my position, "That you were nothing more than a mere character inked in a comic in my past life? And that I hid all this from everyone, including you?"

"Not at all," Giyuu answered immediately, the honesty in his voice ringing loud and clear, "That book, um, comeek?"

I couldn't help but chuckle at his pronunciation of the unfamiliar foreign word, "Comic. You can call it manga, too."

Giyuu nodded as he continued, "Yes, manga. I don't mind being a part of a book or manga that was once a part of my life. Just because you first met me in a book doesn't change the fact that I am living and breathing right here."

"And about your reincarnation," I shuddered as his voice whispered right next to my ear, "I can't help but think of it as fate that I met you — to be time and even worlds apart and still finding each other."

I flushed at his words, feeling extremely shy and relieved while he wrapped both his arms around me in a tight embrace.

The old secrets, that felt embedded in my soul, suddenly started feeling like nothing more than an ordinary fact in the face of his words of acceptance.

It was the first time in my life that I ever felt so much at ease. It felt so...

"Warm. Kind," I chuckled, "You are so warm and kind, senpai."

"I learned that from you," Giyuu replied simply, making me shake my head as I slowly tried to detach myself from the intimate embrace.

However, he refused to unlock his arms from around me as he looked down at me with questions in his eyes.

"Senpai, I—"

"Giyuu," He interrupted me, "Call my name, Miyasha."

"Giyuu, I," I closed my eyes to suppress the shyness that I was feeling, "Um, you, you are so warm and kind and just, too nice. You deserve someone be—"

"I don't want anyone except you," his answer was gentle but firm, "I will love no one beside you, even if you don't reciprocate my feelings."

"Giyuu," my voice quivered as I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch, "I was not even supposed to exist in this world. I, I have no place here. I'm not worth it. I can't even—"

"No," Giyuu loudly denied, startling me as I opened my eyes in surprise, "You belong here just like everyone else. I, no, we care about you. You will always have a place to stay by my side if you can't find it anywhere else."

"Giyuu, I can't," I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath, "When I said you deserved someone better, I meant it. I, my body is too damaged. No, even before that, it was fucked up that I couldn't give you the happy life, the happy family you deserve."

Blue eyes widened as he understood the insinuation behind my words, his surprised expression making my heart break as I knew what would come afterwards.

My body, with its strange blood and even stranger composition, was beyond the threshold of carrying any pregnancy. It had become weak enough (due to all my previous injuries) that even my life expectancy was significantly affected.

However, even before that, my fertility as a female was still ambiguous; given how strong my immunity was due to my strange composition, there was a good chance that I was unlikely to ever get pregnant.

"Is it because of your injuries?" Giyuu frowned as he asked.

"To some extent but more due to my blood," I explained briefly, feeling jittery all of a sudden, "It's, it's my blood. My immunity is so high that it can affect my fertility as well. There's no guarantee that I can even get pregnant, let alone carry it to full term and—"

"I don't mind," his answer startled me as his face twisted in a frown, before he nodded to himself, "I don't mind. I only need you in my life."

His words left me speechless for a moment, which was not a first for the day, funnily enough.

"No, wait," I literally grabbed his hand on my cheek, "Giyuu, I don't think you understand what I meant."

"No, I do," he shook his head again, "I never planned to marry or have a family before. So, I don't mind if we don't have children. You are all I need."

He gently pressed his forehead against mine, "You are enough."

It took some time for his words to register in my mind as I processed the whole thing over.

It was difficult to believe, quite honestly. It was difficult to believe for me that he would still choose to love me despite how much I had hidden from him — despite so many flaws that I had. I wasn't able to accept it either.

"Are you," I took a shaky breath as I closed my eyes again with the fear of disappointment, "Are you telling the truth? Will yo-you really love me despite hearing everything? De-Despite the fact I can't even give you a family? Would you still... Will you?"

"Yes," His answer was simple and honest, "I will always love you. Despite everything."

Giyuu gently brushed and caressed my cheek once more before leaning in, his lips meeting mine in a slow and tender motion.

His kiss tasted like tears.
Salty, bitter, and sweet; it spread from the lips, traveled through my veins and tapped lightly against my heart.

It made me shudder and want to cry; I could almost hear his desperation behind the gentle kiss, the emotions behind his every touch and the plea behind deep blue eyes that looked at me with sorrow once we parted from our kiss.

Could I love him? Was I even entitled to that? Did I even deserve that?

...could I be ambitious like that?

Thoughts like that plagued my mind as I wrapped my arms around Giyuu's neck and pulled him into another kiss, trying to somehow quieten down the buzzing of my loud mind.

I wanted to love him.
I wanted to give this a try.
I didn't want to be stuck in the constraints of the plot anymore.

As if reading my mind, Giyuu pulled me even closer, his one arm supporting my hips while the other supporting my back as we kissed hungrily. His hands didn't roam beyond the space they laid but I wanted more.

I wanted him to drown me.
I wanted to drown in his aura and warm presence.

That is why, when we parted again, I called his attention to me.

"Giyuu?" My face flushed as I realized that my voice sounded more desperate than I expected, "Ca-Can you open your mouth a bit?"

Giyuu tilted his head and blinked blankly as he immediately followed through with what I asked, opening his mouth slightly to show his tongue and pearly teeth.

I wanted to die a bit inside at my awkward request, knowing damn well that I didn't even know how to do it but fuck it.

I wanted to do it and I will.

I closed the distance between us again, giving him an open mouth kiss that seemed to surprise Giyuu a lot. I could even feel him shudder underneath my fingers at my actions.

However, unlike what I had assumed, he didn't move away or even stiffen but rather seemed to curiously welcome my tongue — something that surprised me more than I would admit.
It wasn't long before he started reciprocating my actions, doing experiments with his tongue as we both explored this new method of kissing.

It was oddly satisfying to hear him gasp when I nibbled at his lips, making him shudder again before licking his lower lips, which left him in a baffled but blushing state.

A peel of laughter escaped my lips as we finally parted from our odd but exciting kiss, his blushing but confused face fuelling me even more as I struggled to breathe while laughing.

"God, you are so adorable, I swear," I looked up at him with a smile only to be met by the most tender look I'd ever seen anyone give me, "Um, Giyuu?"

"I love your laughter," he replied honestly, smiling when he noticed my face light up in a blush, "It's beautiful."

"You're too kind."

Giyuu shook his head, "No, you are too harsh on yourself," he then looked down at my hands still on his chest, "But, ah, what was that...?"

"The open-mouth kiss?" I asked to which he nodded in answer, "Well, that's, uh, that's a type of kiss called the 'French kiss' I had learned about in my past life. Though, I don't think it was exactly how we did it but..."

"Did you ever try this kiss?" There was a strange look in his eyes as he asked this, "In your past life? Did you do it with someone else?"

"Unfortunately no," I gave him a sheepish look, "I've been, well, quite busy in my past life and even in this one to ever develop any romantic relationships, let alone try something so intimate with anyone..."

"I'm glad."

"Eh?" I blinked in surprise at his words.

"I'm glad," Giyuu repeated more clearly this time, "To be the first one you tried this with. I hope you try everything you know and want on me from now on."

I could feel my face and even my neck flush; making me smack him over the chest as I leaned over him in protest. This resulted in me accidentally giving off more of my weight on him than both of us expected as we both fell backwards on the futon — with me on top of him.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" I immediately apologised, trying my best to gently get off of Giyuu's chest, "I'm so sorry for troubling you—"

He closed his arms around me, holding me in his embrace as he looked down at me with a grin, "It's alright," he adjusted his arms to pull me even closer to himself while I laid completely on top of him, encircled completely in his arms and aura, "I like this."

"But Giyuu—"

"I wanted to hear more about your world," I turned my head to glower at him for his very blatant method to change the topic, "And this kiss that we tried."

"Wh-Why would you even need to ask about that?"

"Because I want to learn it for you," he nuzzled my neck, making me shiver, "I want to learn it with you."

"Giyuu!"

"Teach me, please?"

"I, these can lead to some things that you should only do with your wife!"

"Miyasha, will you marry me, then?"

"I, I...!"

"Will you not?"

"Oh my god, shush!"

I covered his mouth with my hand, making a laugh bubble out of Giyuu.

Soon, the laughter echoed through the room as I joined in too, smacking him in the chest while he kept laughing with me.
The conversations that followed after that were much more tender and comfortable than I had ever expected as I opened up more about my past life.

The comfort I felt with him was unparalleled and maybe that's why I didn't realize when I fell asleep in his arms.

Though, if I had to be honest, it was the most comfortable sleep I'd ever had in my life and that fact made me unbelievably shy and apologetic.

---

Heya!

I genuinely apologise for the delay! I promised to update weekly and look at me miserably fail at it, lmao. Oh well. The festive season really exhausted me so please do forgive me.

As for halfway communication... I'm really sorry for that. I actually divided this chapter into two since it was getting way too long and I wasn't able to polish the latter half of it without delaying like, another two weeks. So, I decided to divide it over and make the rest a separate chapter.

I hope y'all like up until now! I'll be updating next after my exams, which may last up to mid-November. Hopefully, I can draft some spare chapters till then!

Aside from that, hello my little guest reviewer Harsh! I see your reviews but am unable to reply since you are reviewing as a guest. And since I usually reply to reviews and queries over the messages nowadays instead of making my Author's notes long, forgive me if I am unable to reply every time! However, trust me when I say I see and am very grateful for every review out there. Thanks for taking the time to read my work and for your very kind words ^^

》Taishou Secrets《
The reason why Miyasha first got embarrassed when she accidentally called Giyuu 'senpai' (and why she made that accident in the first place) was because of a meme her sister had shown her in her past life. It was a 'notice me senpai' cringe meme with Giyuu being the senpai and Chaya absolutely hated it while her sister giggled at her discomfort. (Also one of the main reasons why she didn't quite like Giyuu as a character in KNY and thought of him as an overused cliché)

And that's it for this chapter, folks! Please leave a review if you liked it or even if you didn't — your reviews are what keeps me going!

Stay safe and stay healthy!