Happier

Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the leather strap of her bag. Miku could feel her heart beating hard in her chest, her blood rushing to her face and her tears trickling down her cheeks. When was the last time she saw him? A month ago? Just a month ago? This was all too soon.

Miku turned around and scurried away from the unlikely scene she just witnessed, all doing so without loosening her grip on the leather strap. She could feel the cool wind biting her cheeks, but the warm liquid wetting her eyes countered that. As she walked pass by people, pushing them aside so just she could get away from here, many heads had been looking her way. She was aware of the eyes gazing at her, perhaps wondering why a lady was crying in a public place, however she never cared. Miku only wanted to get lost from this place, to forget the worst thing she had ever seen.

While she was running away, her friends who succeeded inviting her today were hot on her trail. Their screams were unnoticed though. They had been calling her right the moment she turned her back, missing the tears falling from those pained eyes, but Miku would not want to look their way. She wouldn't risk to see the only thing that would rob her sanity.

Kaito, her guy best friend, watched her ride a tram soon enough. He knew enough why would she walk away like that, those quick steps were so familiar to him. Those hastened steps were like raindrops racing against each other, wanting to touch down on earth as soon as possible.

The friends with him right now, Gumi and Mayu, both had a confused look on their faces. He wouldn't blame them, after all it took them an entire week to convince Miku to come out of her flat. Gumi was complaining now, and Kaito knew he ought to explain things. The guy looked around to find where Miku saw him, stepping away from the two girls to see what sort of thing had such effect on Miku.

Mayu was tugging on his sleeves, whispering that they should follow Miku by now. "Kaito, where are you going? Come on, let's go back," the blond girl tried to hold him back. However, he suddenly pulled away from her grip, it was so forceful she almost stumbled back had Gumi not come to catch her. Guys usually do that when they are mad, don't they?

"What's up with him? First, 'twas Miku who walked out. And now, him. Wow, I never played the 'ditching game', how rude of 'em." Gumi was annoyed now, failing to understand whatever was going on in here.

Currently they were in the downtown to treat Miku a dinner to some cozy restaurant that had opened a week ago. People were filling in the streets now, the crowds grew thicker as time passed by. This was a busy place after all, being the heart of the city. Though Miku hated to go through this thick crowd of people nowadays, this was the only place they could offer her. Gumi planned an out-of-town escapade but the dejected Miku quickly dismissed the idea.

"Why don't we follow that Kaito-jerk, Mayu? Come on, stop nursing your wrist. It didn't really hurt that much," Gumi grabbed Mayu's arm and dragged her to look where Kaito went to. Amid Mayu's complaint - that it did hurt - the two froze on their tracks when they spotted the blue-haired dude staring at a restaurant window before them.

None of the three spoke, they just looked and internalized what the fuck was there. Standing across the street, they gawked at the place. It was the restaurant they were supposed to dine in, but here, right before their very eyes, they could see the most despicable scene they could ever show to Miku.

It was Mayu who noticed how tensed Kaito was. She could see the slight tremble in his hand as it closed to a fist. When she looked up to gaze at his visage, his furrowed brows proved his anger. She was about to tell him to calm down when she felt a strong arm that pulled her away from where she stood, almost stumbling again.

"Let's go out of here," it was Gumi, "Miku might hate us now. Hold your horses, Kaito. Let's go." She was also pulling Kaito away from the place, though the guy was resisting a tad enough to piss her off.

"I have to give that asshole a good beating, Gumi." Kaito tried to yank his arm away but when Gumi said that it would make him equally hate-worthy jerk, he should stop. "He had no idea how much she was hurting right now. Miku had a rough time moving on, but here he was...dating a new girl. I know you know how Miku hides the truth with those smiles, no?"

"Then I would like to remind you that we're out of their problem, dude. Let them resolve their own complication. Don't get your butt involved in this boat 'cause you're adding fuel to the fire. Did I explain it well enough?" Gumi always had this eminent aura that could win any conversation. Well, she was correct with her point on one hand.

"And what are we gonna say if she asks how's he?" Kaito looked at Gumi in the eyes, feeling superior and correct for the first time.

The three stood still amid the busy crowd, locked away from the commotion, hustle and bustle of the city. Mayu watched the two as they stared at each other. Both of them wished one would concede to win this small argument.

"Tell her he's doing good. Tell her he is doing better, that he's happier now so she has to get her self out of the pit of sadness she alone was caught in," Gumi turned her back to Kaito and pulled Mayu with her. That ended the talk. She was right, and Kaito knew the precision of her words.

It seemed that Len was happier now that he was unshackled from his relationship with Miku, and it was Miku alone who was grieving on their breakup.

The door slammed close as soon as Miku arrived in her place. Her shoes, her keys and her bag were all discarded on the floor. Throwing things here and there, her flat turned into an instant mess. She was tired of crying–she thought she was, but it seemed that her heart willed her to be this vulnerable. The tears that continued to rush down her cheeks reminded that despite the lie she fed herself – that she was good now, that she could continue without him – she was still in love with him.

It has been a month since they parted ways, but when she saw him from the window of that restaurant...

Miku grabbed the vase on her coffee table–it was the vase she bought with him while they planned their marriage and future–and planned to throw it, too. It hurt her chest to remember all these things, for it seemed that she, alone, could remember all these memories. Losing the strength to break the vase into pieces, she forcefully put it back on the table and yelled instead. The tears stung by now, the pain in her chest was too overwhelming, too.

She couldn't see the carpet underneath her feet anymore. Her tears made her eyes blurry and somewhat blind. Vent, yes, she had to vent all these feelings of sadness and jealousy eating her up alive. Miku turned around, not noticing how unwell she looked from the mirror, intending to kick the couch. However, like what happened earlier, she stopped midway kicking it. And if she thought her tear ducts would run dry by now, tears gushed more. How could she mutilate something that held most memories of them together? The late nights when they stayed up lying down on the couch flashed in her mind. She could see herself curled up against the blond who used to be her world, smiling and giggling. It was too vivid for her liking...it was way too vivid. She could still hear his laughter and his voice whispering what kind of house they were supposed to live in. Miku could feel his hands caressing her face whenever he would tell her that she would still be gorgeous even if they had eleven kids. She could feel his chaste kisses on her lips, nose and cheeks whenever he was messing up with her.

Miku fell on her knees, leaning her head against the armrest of the couch. She started slamming her fists on the seat, yelling, asking, wondering why...why did it end like that?

This was something she couldn't take anymore. Sitting in that part of the room, everything was reminding her of him – of them. The happy days and the sad ones, the episodes filled with rage and the ones filled with bliss – she couldn't take the idea of forgetting them. When she met him, she promised to herself that she would not love anyone but him. And yet...

One day, when all sort of bad luck teamed up against her, she found herself sitting in front of him. His usual lax expression was gone, his smile - lost. There was despondency in his cobalt blue eyes, too, but there were no tears. Maybe he was pretending to be brave just to show her that he could do it. Right then she decided to smile for him, to cheer him up as they parted ways. She could be strong, too, right?

So all this time she refused to get out of her flat to socialize. Her routine was focused on her work and her alone times, and if people would ask her how she was coping with the breakup, she would reply them a smile. She was good, but she needed time to spend with herself. Alone in her room, she would drown herself with drinks that would make her forget momentarily. How many empty bottles had she nursed? How many times had she wept for the same issue? Miku lost count.

After a month, she decided to give life a shot, to try acting normal. But she guessed universe hated her so much. The place where Kaito, Gumi and Mayu decided to bring her was the last place she wished to visit right now. Her eyes couldn't wrong her, she knew that lemon-like hair too much to be mistaken. She was so accustomed to that beautiful smile which used to be directed to her. If something seemed different in that scene, it was that she was not the girl sitting opposite him. His smile, too, was twice wider than the ones he showed her. He was happier and was doing better than her.

"You're happier, Len. You're happier, aren't you?" Miku mumbled, pressing her palm against her forehead. Tears were still ceaseless as she tried to forget what scene she witnessed earlier. "Can she...love you like I do?"

Holding back no more, she stood and kicked the coffee table, breaking the vase along the process. "I'm...still–why are you doing fine?"

Miku wondered if Len saw her from the restaurant, too. Did he try to excuse himself to run after her? Did he even notice her watching him from outside? Miku wondered. She wondered but she also knew that these thoughts were futile. This was a thunderstorm of tears and pains no one could forecast. She would be flooded with memories tonight, for sure. Perhaps she would drown herself with whiskey or something.

Still sobbing, she sent Kaito a message to apologize for earlier, also claiming that she got a stomach bug. She was replied quickly, though, saying "don't lie." Miku let out a bitter laughter before texting him back that she was feeling good now.

"Miku, Len's happier now. You have to move on, too."

There were times she had to hate Kaito's honesty. And this one's one of those times. She was aware that Len was all right now, that he was better off without her. Miku knew enough that he was happier with someone else now, but no. Len was happy now, but Miku was happier...with him.

She was still in love with him, and while she was at it...she might as well enjoy the pain.

He looked happier, but she was happier with him. That would be the unchangeable fact as of now.

Ed Sheeran's DIVIDE (album) is freaking good. Magnum opus, wtf. This fic is based from his song 'Happier' - listen to it if you haven't heard it yet.

Haven't written for so long so yeah. I have to write this quickly because this song won't silence the writer in me (and I've been waiting for so long to get to write again).

- ivannt.