A/N: Tiny bit of censoring done in this chapter (just a couple of lines really) due to smut - as always, the full version is available on AO3, same username and story title, and it's chapter 27 over there. Enjoy :)
London, June 6, 2020
"Remus, you have a visitor." Lily stuck her head in the bathroom where Remus was brushing his teeth.
"Wha'?" Remus said, through a mouthful of toothpaste.
"Someone's here to see you," Lily just said, a grim look on her face.
Remus spat in the sink and wiped his mouth. "Be right there," he said, brow furrowed in confusion, and put his toothbrush back in its holder. He followed Lily through the kitchen. She continued to her room, but Remus turned into the hallway to see a hunched figure standing in the dimly lit space.
"Sirius?" he said, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "I thought you were in Germany? What happened to you?" he continued, taking in the man's frazzled appearance. Dried blood ran down his temple, and his right cheek was swollen and beginning to bruise. His hoodie had streaks of dirt on it and the knuckles on his left hand matched his face.
"Sorry to call so late…" Sirius mumbled.
"No, I'm glad—I've been trying to ring…. Sirius, I heard what happened," Remus said, walking over and laying his hands on his shoulders. To his surprise, Sirius flung himself into his arms and clutched him tightly.
"Hey…" Remus said, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the top of his head. Sirius just buried his face in his neck, and Remus could feel his shoulders trembling through his leather jacket. "It's okay… it's okay…" he muttered into the messy black curls. He ran his hands up and down Sirius's back, trying to ease some of the tension. "I'm so, so sorry…."
"They killed my kid brother…" Sirius said in a high-pitched whisper and broke into a sob.
"I know… I know…." Remus squeezed him tighter.
"They drove him to this… he's gone… my baby brother's gone…."
"Fuck, Sirius…. Shh, shh, I've got you…" he whispered when he felt Sirius sag against him, his sobs increasing. "Come on, let's go sit down." He took Sirius's hand. Sirius just nodded and sniffed, wiping his eyes with the back of his other hand, and Remus led them quickly through the living room, which was thankfully empty, and into his bedroom. He shut the door behind them and helped Sirius out of his jacket, tossing it into his desk chair, before guiding him to sit on the bed.
"What happened to your face?" Remus said, examining the cut in Sirius's eyebrow and his bruised cheek.
"Ah," Sirius said with a weak smile, "just a wee souvenir from a traditional Black Family funeral."
"Must have been some funeral." Remus shook his head. "Wait here, I'll get something to clean it with."
He made to get up, but Sirius grabbed his sleeve, stopping him.
"Please just… just stay here?"
He looked so lost, so scared, that Remus couldn't find it in himself to leave him, even if only for a minute.
"…Okay." Remus sighed and sat back down.
Sirius let himself fall back on the bed, so Remus lay down beside him, propping himself up on one elbow so he could study him.
"Who did this to you?" he said after a while.
"Just some old acquaintances…." Sirius shrugged, not taking his eyes off the ceiling.
"Sirius…. Shouldn't you go to the police with this…?"
"No point…. They won't do anything. These people always get what they want, even if it means bribing an officer or threatening a judge. Besides, it's not the worst they've ever done to me."
"You're being frighteningly nonchalant about this…."
Sirius shrugged again. "It's my own fault anyway. I should never have gone to the funeral."
"It was your brother."
"Was it?" Sirius chuckled humourlessly. "I think I lost my brother fifteen years ago."
"Why did you go, then?"
"I don't know…. It was a stupid decision. I don't know what I expected."
"It's okay to be upset, you know."
Sirius didn't answer. He just swallowed and stared up. Remus could see moisture gathering in the corner of his eye.
"Come here," he said and drew him into his arms. Sirius responded by snuggling close to him, intertwining their legs, and burying his face in the crook of his neck. Remus stroked his back and his hair, pressing his lips to his forehead when he felt his shoulders starting to shake again. Suddenly Sirius reached up and pulled him in for a rough kiss. Remus hesitated at first, not sure this was a good idea, but he felt Sirius's urgency—his need—in the kiss and surrendered. Sirius moaned and bit his lip lightly before swiping his tongue over the area, and Remus responded by sucking Sirius's lower lip into his mouth and gripping his hair. Sirius slid his hands up under his shirt and scratched at his chest, like he was trying to claw his way inside. Remus pulled him closer and intensified the kiss. He could feel Sirius's desire where their hips were flush against each other, and pulled back before his own body could react—he shouldn't take advantage.
Sirius held him in place. "Please, Remus. I need you."
"Sirius, you're—"
"I need to feel alive."
Remus searched those grey eyes that seemed to have taken on a darker shade than he remembered. He saw the desperation and the hurt, mixed with desire, and a glint of something he wasn't sure he wanted to know about. Like some forlorn madness, smouldering just beneath the surface.
"Okay…" he whispered and nodded. How could he deny this man anything?
Their lips met again, and Sirius rolled on top of Remus. His lips wandered down his neck and Remus thrust his hips up.
"Fuck, Remus." Sirius groaned when Remus's growing hardness dug into his thigh.
He ground down, sending a surge of pleasure through Remus's body. They rocked desperately against each other, kissing, biting, and pulling hair, until Remus thought he would burst from anticipation. He pulled at Sirius's shirt, and Sirius paused his kisses long enough for Remus to pull it off him. His skin was radiating with heat and Remus let his hands wander all over the strong muscles, flexing and relaxing with his movements. Soon Remus's own shirt was pulled off him and nimble hands were at his fly, pulling it down and undoing the button. Sirius lifted slightly to let Remus unbuckle his belt and open his jeans too.
They both reached into each other's pants at the same time.
"Yes…." Remus hissed at the new sensations—Sirius's rough beard on his neck and the scratch of his bracelets on his hip. The smell of leather, sweat, and blood made for a heady cocktail, and he inhaled deeply. He used his free hand to pull Sirius's head up from where it was biting at his collarbone and captured his lips in an urgent kiss. Their sweat mixed on their foreheads and their chests as they chased their ecstasy, spurring each other on with moans and grunts. Suddenly Sirius stilled above him and made a sound so thoroughly indecent that it sent Remus straight over the edge with him, He flopped onto Remus, like a rag doll, completely spent. They lay like that for a while, waiting for their breaths to slow and their strength to return.
"Thank you." Sirius's words caressed his ear.
Remus snorted. "For the hand job?"
Sirius raised himself up on his elbow and looked at Remus. "For not telling me what I need."
"Oh. Anytime," Remus said with a half-smile. The glint was gone from Sirius's eyes now; only exhaustion remained.
They used Remus's discarded t-shirt for a provisional clean-up, both too tired to move from the room.
"How much time do you have?" Remus asked.
"I have no idea…. I'm not even sure what day it is," Sirius mumbled, his eyes already drooping shut.
When Remus woke the next morning, it took him some time to figure out what the odd weight on his shoulder was. When the fogs of sleep finally lifted enough for him to remember the night before, he smiled. Sirius was still sleeping, using his shoulder as a pillow, his arm tucked around Remus's stomach. The blood on his temple had congealed now, and his cheek had turned a dark purple, but he looked peaceful.
Remus didn't dare disturb him, he obviously needed the sleep, so he just lay and thought. The things Sirius had told him the night before (or rather; the things he hadn't told him) bothered him more than he liked to admit. It wasn't his business to pry, but one sentence kept whirling around in his head: 'it's not the worst they've ever done to me'. He wasn't sure Sirius had meant to say it, but the remark had been a little too casual for Remus's liking. And that glint in his eyes…. Sirius might act aloof and charm his way through the world, but Remus was beginning to suspect that it was all just a well-constructed armour, concealing something much darker underneath.
Something in him told him to run far away, to get out while he still could, but one look at the slumbering man in his arms evaporated any such notion. Oh, hell, he was already in too deep….
Sirius stirred beside him, sighing heavily before blinking against the morning light.
"Hey there," Remus said softly.
"Hey," Sirius rasped, a smile spreading across his face when he looked up at Remus. "Ow." He winced and grabbed his cheek.
"Yeah." Remus chuckled. "Hope you haven't got any photoshoots lined up in the near future."
Sirius stuck out his tongue at him and sat up with some difficulty. A bruise was forming on his ribs to match the one on his face. He flexed his left hand a few times as if assessing the damage.
"What time is it?" he asked.
"I don't know," Remus said, rolling over to look at his phone. "Almost half eight."
"Shit…" Sirius said. He didn't make a move to do anything about it though.
"Are you going back to Germany?"
"Yeah…. We have a show tonight."
"Do you feel up to it?"
Sirius seemed to mull over his answer for a bit. "Yeah…. It'll be good. Get my mind off things and stuff…." He walked over to where his jacket was lying in Remus's chair. He picked it up and rummaged through its pockets until he located his phone. "I should call James…" he mumbled. He turned it on as he walked back, dropping his jacket on the foot of the bed. "Sorry, I must have missed your calls yesterday," he said after he had unlocked the phone and checked his call logs.
"It's okay. I just wanted to check up on you after I saw the news…."
"I shut it off before I left—it kept ringing," Sirius explained. "Good thing too, I've got over a hundred calls from journalists." He laughed humourlessly, waving his mobile. "Oh well—I was getting tired of this number anyway."
The name 'Prongs' featured prominently in the logs. Sirius pressed one of the occurrences and put the phone to his ear.
Remus took this as his cue to get up.
It only took a couple of seconds for James to pick up; Remus could hear him yelling before Sirius even got a word in. He held the phone away from his ear and pulled a grimace.
"Good morning to you too, Prongs…" he said. "Yeah, sorry about that…. Well, I knew Wormtail would tell you…. Really? I'm impressed…. Yes…. Don't give me that…."
Sirius paused, and James must have stopped yelling, because Remus could no longer hear him.
"It was… as you'd expect…" Sirius continued. "Your lack of faith in me hurts…. No, I sw—… I just had a little word with Dolohov and Lestrange, y'know, chatting about the old days…."
Remus finished gathering his clothes and left the room to give Sirius some space. As he was closing the door, he heard Sirius say, "No, I'm at home."
A stab of hurt shot through him at those words…. Why would Sirius lie about where he was? It's not like James didn't know about him. Yet Sirius had been pretty angry when James had walked in on them. Was he ashamed of Remus?
The unease followed him as he quickly showered and put on coffee. The flat was empty save for the two of them; the girls had already left for work. He was fishing mugs out of the cupboard when Sirius emerged from his bedroom, fully dressed. The dried blood on his face and the dirt on his shirt looked jarring in the bright daylight.
"Did James give you a hard time?" Remus asked, deciding not to mention what he'd overheard.
"Yeah," Sirius said, looking a bit abashed, "but he'll get over it."
"Do you want some breakfast or coffee?"
"Sorry, but I have to get going. Do you mind if I use your shower, though?"
"No, go ahead, towels are in the cupboard under the sink. Why don't I find you a clean shirt in the meantime?"
"Oh, erm…." Sirius looked down himself. "It's fine, don't want to put you out…."
"Please, it's no bother. I might even be able to find you a black one." Remus winked in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood.
"Alright. Cheers," Sirius said, gave Remus a tight-lipped smile, and disappeared into the bathroom.
Remus poured himself a cup of coffee and went back to his room. The air was heavy with sleep and sex, so he threw open the window, breathing in the sunshine and fresh air for a moment before he set about finding a shirt for Sirius. Most of his clothes were light blue, brown, or beige, but he managed to dig out a plain, black tee he hadn't worn for years. It might be a little tight on Sirius, but it would have to do. He took a sip of coffee and went to his desk and turned on his computer. He didn't have any lessons before 11 o'clock, but he should check his email. Just as he was about to sit down, he noticed something lying on the seat of his chair.
A tiny Ziplock bag.
Picking it up he saw that it contained half a dozen non-descript, white pills. Where did this come from? He had never seen it before. Then he remembered: Sirius's jacket had been lying on this chair. It must have fallen out of his pocket at some point.
A cold trickle ran down his spine—he probably wasn't holding Aspirin in his hands. There was no time to examine them further, however, because at that moment, he heard the bathroom door open. He sprang over to the bed and quickly stuffed the bag into the jacket before hurrying back to his desk. A few seconds later, Sirius stepped into the room, looking slightly more alive now and not nearly as gory; he had got most of the dried blood off, revealing that the cut to his eyebrow hadn't been as deep as Remus had feared. He was bare-chested, his dirty shirt bundled in his hand.
"I hope that'll fit," Remus said, sitting himself on the edge of the desk and nodding his head at the shirt lying on the bed. He coughed and forced himself to take a deep breath.
What were those pills? Why did Sirius have them? Had he taken any before he came last night?
"Thanks," Sirius said and picked up the shirt. His jaw tightened when he had to raise his arm above his head to pull it on.
"You want anything for the pain?" Remus asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets because he didn't know what else to do with them.
"Hmm?" Sirius looked up at him. "Oh, no, I'm good, just a little sore, that's all." Another tight-lipped smile. He smoothed the t-shirt down his torso and assessed the fit.
"Damn, I need to lay off the cheeseburgers." He made a face. "You sure you don't mind if I borrow this?"
"Yeah, in fact, just keep it—I haven't worn it for years and it looks better on you anyway." Remus shrugged.
"Thank you, Remus," Sirius said and picked up his jacket. "For the shirt, I mean."
"You're welcome," Remus said. "Hey…." He reached out and closed his hand around Sirius's wrist. "Are you okay?" He searched those grey eyes, trying to find any trace of the gleam from yesterday, but whatever he had seen, it was gone now…. Because the pills had worn off?
"I'm fine." Sirius smiled, but it still didn't reach his eyes.
"Well, if you ever feel… not fine… will you let me know?"
Sirius swallowed and tried to withdraw his hand.
"I mean it," Remus implored, catching it before he could escape. "Anything. Anything at all—I'm here."
"I…." Sirius looked around. "I have to go…. Got a plane to catch." He let go of Remus's hand.
"Okay." Remus sighed and pushed off the table.
He walked Sirius out, an awkward and oppressive silence spreading while Sirius tied his shoes. When Sirius straightened, he looked at Remus for a few moments, biting his lip as if debating with himself.
"Listen, I was thinking…. We're going down to our villa in Tuscany to record some things before we finish the southern leg. Why don't you come down for the summer?"
Remus blinked. A minute ago Sirius had been trying to run, and now this? This was… rather sudden, wasn't it?
"Er," he stalled. "What exactly does that mean?"
"Just thought we could you know, hang out, enjoy some real Italian food, go swimming…." Sirius shrugged. "Get some sun on that pale skin of yours."
"Hey, I'm not that pale!"
"'Course you're not," Sirius said, and gave him the first genuine, albeit small, smile since he entered his flat. "So, what do you say?"
"Erm, I don't know…. Aren't you gonna be in the studio most of the time? What would I do in the meantime?"
"You could bring Lily? Go sightseeing?"
Remus laughed. "Is that you or James asking?"
Sirius smiled. "I haven't talked to James about it yet, but I'm sure he wouldn't have any objections."
"Hmm. Who else will be there?"
"The twins obviously, Pete, Doc, perhaps a few more people."
Remus whistled quietly. That was a lot of people.
"Hang on—does this mean you've told them about us?" he asked.
Sirius fell silent and stared at his feet for a while. "…No," he said, finally. "And I was sort of hoping it wouldn't be necessary?"
Remus groaned and rubbed his face. "So, just to be clear. You're asking me to spend the summer with you—but not with you?"
"You're not making sense, Remus."
"No kissing, touching, or any PDA? We wouldn't be able to leave the house together? And we would have to censor everything we say?"
"We will have plenty of time alone, I promise. And James knows, so we don't have to hide from him, just, y'know… the rest…."
"Can you really lie to your friends for that long?" Remus asked. The thought honestly sort of scared him. And combined with what he had just found in his jacket and the lie he'd overheard him telling James….
When Sirius didn't answer, he pressed on. "How do you even plan on explaining me being there? I'm guessing it's not normal for you to invite random blokes to your summer get-away?"
"I'll think of something, and if you bring Lily, it'll be easier to—"
"Oh, I see, so I'm basically pimping out my best friend to your mate just so you can keep your dirty little secret?"
"Fine, forget it. It was just an idea," Sirius snapped and turned for the door. The hurt was clear in his voice, and Remus mentally kicked himself for being so harsh. Hadn't he just promised that he would be there for him? However clumsy, this was Sirius's way of reaching out. And he clearly wasn't ready to come out, yet here Remus was, basically shaming him for it, despite knowing how damaging that could be. It wasn't Sirius's fault that this all reminded Remus a little too much of the last time he'd been someone's 'dirty little secret'….
"No, Sirius, wait I…." He put his hand on Sirius's wrist, stopping him from turning the knob. "I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to pressure you. That was wrong of me." He wrapped his arms around Sirius and kissed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry…."
Sirius didn't respond but he also didn't make any attempt to free himself.
Remus rested his forehead on his shoulder and sighed. He was loath to admit it, but he had missed the man awfully, and who knew if he'd even see him again if he didn't go? Perhaps it wouldn't be so terrible? If he looked at it from a different angle, couldn't it be sort of romantic? An illicit affair under a bright Italian sky? Stealing touches and glances in the shade of an olive tree. Spending sweltering nights sneaking into each other's bedrooms, moans and kisses masked by a symphony of cicadas…. Worst case scenario, he would get a much-needed break from his monotonous existence and hopefully escape the capricious English weather. Hadn't he promised himself he would try to be more spontaneous? Why was he throwing this opportunity away?
"I guess I could come down for a few days."
"Really?" Sirius asked, twisting around to look at him.
"Only if Lily agrees to come!" Remus hurried to add.
Sirius grinned. "Fair enough."
"And I think Marlene would be heartbroken if we left her behind."
"The more the merrier," Sirius said and drew him in for a hungry kiss.
A/N: I've reached the point in the story where my prewritten parts are not connected and some major revision is required, so while I haven't abandoned this story, updates will unfortunately not be regular from now on. Prongsfoot bingo is coming up so I will be taking some time off for that too.
Sorry for the delay, and thank you so much to anyone still sticking with this story and giving it love along the way - I appreciate every single one of you! Comments fuel me, and I'd love to hear your thoughts about where you see this going, since I'm still undecided about a couple of possible plotlines.
Come say hi on tumblr too (username: LovelyMasks) - my inbox is always open :)