Episode 19

Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo? The Taking of Akane's Lips

VOICE CAST:

MYRIAM SIROIS as Akane
MARK HILDRETH as Akimitsu
TERRY KLASSEN as Mr. Fuyuki [The Director] and Mr. Masao [his Assistant]
TED COLE as Tatewaki Kuno
PAUL DOBSON as Happosai
MICHAEL BENYAER as Gosunkugi
SARAH STRANGE as Ranma/VENUS TERZO as Ranko
MICHAEL DOBSON as Kenma
GARRY CHALK as Genma
DAVID KAYE as Soun
ANGELA COSTAIN as Nabiki
WILLOW JOHNSON as Kasumi

IN-UNIVERSE NOTE: Robert O. Smith was not available for the recording of this episode, so Gary Chalk filled in as the voice of Genma this time, and will do so in select other episodes.

Also, additional dialogue is once more supplied courtesy of fellow fanfiction writer, skinnydude911, sometimes known as Ryuma217 on Discord. Big thanks to him!

REVIEW REPLIES:

Awsomerebel55: Yeah, the old fart is plenty tough. But as tough as he is, nobody's invincible. Ranma and Kenma are definitely putting their feet down, and things will certainly change.

AsheTDust: I always look forward to your reviews for these chapters; and yeah, Akane IS a bit of a Mary Sue when you think about it. She frequently treats Ranma like the stuff you scrape off the bottom of your sneakers, and receives no retribution for these actions. Not to mention, in BOTH of the films—I don't count the Phoenix one because that was just an extended episode with a higher budget—the antagonists kidnap her and somehow end up falling for her, not to mention the massive throng of guys who ALL want to date her at school.

And yet, every time she gets kidnapped, Ranma is regularly expected to go and rescue her since he's her fiance.

Also, I feel like nobody's said anything about my moment I wrote with Ranma and Kenma in the vacant lot.

It was another day at Furinkan High School...but it was definitely going to be one of THOSE days.

"NO! I absolutely refuse!" Akane declared, turning her nose up in response.

"But why?!" asked the school's drama teacher.

"Because I hate plays, that's why!" Akane responded.

Yup, it was definitely gonna be one of THOSE days.

"Please, Akane, you MUST take the role!" begged the director's assistant, wearing a Godzilla suit.

"Nobody else can play the lead!" added the director, down on his knees.

Akane crossed her arms in annoyance. "Well, that's too bad, because I'm not interested," she responded.

"C'mon Akane, just try it!" advised Asami.

"You should be flattered they asked you!" chimed in Hiroko.

Just then, Akane snapped her fingers in realization. "Hey, I just got an idea!" she beamed as she went and filled up a bucket of water. "Oh, Ranma~!"

Immediately, she dumped its contents all over the ponytailed boy, turning him into Ranko once again.

"WHAT TH' HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" Ranko shrieked angrily.

This was more than enough to get the attention of the director and his assistant. "It...it can't be!" exclaimed the director.

"You...you must be..." the assistant exclaimed. "The legendary Ranma Saotome, king of the crossdressers!"

Ranko went red in the face. "I AIN'T NO STINKIN' CROSSDRESSER!" she spat.

Akane quickly zipped over and draped an arm on Ranko's shoulder. "He does aerial flips, crushes rocks barehanded, AND picks up new tricks quicker than Lassie!" she commented, as though she were advertising a new infomercial product.

She had her eyes closed, so she didn't see Ranko's fist coming up behind her.

KLONG~!

"What's the big idea?" Akane grunted, rubbing a bruise on her head.

Ranko cracked her knuckles a few times. "Do I look like a used car to you?" she retorted.

Kenma shook his head in dismay. "Please, stop using my brother's curse as a 'Get-Out-of-Doing-Uncomfortable-Tasks-Free' Card," he stated icily. "In that regard, you're just as bad as our fathers!"

"C'mon, Akane, how come you don't want the role?" asked Hiroko.

"Honestly, it's the lead!" the director insisted.

"Let me guess—" Akane scoffed. "Lady Sumo? Samurai Sweetheart? The Karate Queen? Ninja Nanny?!" [Seriously, don't those sound like movie titles?]

Ranko smirked. "In that case, you oughta give it a try, Akane," she replied. "You'd fit those roles so nicely!"

"SHADDAP!" Akane snapped as she swung at Ranko, making her dodge the roundhouse kick.

The director, Mr. Fuyuki, and assistant, Mr. Masao, looked at each other.

"I suppose we must give in," shrugged Mr. Fuyuki.

"Her mind is made up," added Mr. Masao. "I suppose we'll hafta find ourselves another Juliet."

This got Akane's attention. "Juliet? As in, Romeo And?" she asked. Immediately, she scurried up a nearby staircase and stood atop a balcony. "O Romeo, Romeo—wherefore art thou, Romeo?" she recited dramatically. "I'll do it! I'll take the role!"

"You'll do it?" asked Mr. Fuyuki. "Splendid!"

"BUT SOFT, WHAT LIGHT THROUGH YONDER WINDOW BREAKS!" screeched Kuno as he popped up behind Akane, which earned him a fist in the mouth.

"Upperclassman Kuno..." glowered Akimitsu as he entered the room. "I thought I recognized your foul stench."

"You dare talk to moi of foul stenches?" scoffed Kuno. "Bold words coming from a homeless vagrant."

"Bold counter coming from a wannabe Musashi!" Akimitsu threw back as that threw Kuno off his game, even getting a chuckle from the Drama club members. "Besides, if anyone's gonna be Romeo, then it's going to be me!"

"You?!" scoffed Kuno. "And what, pray tell, makes thou worthier than I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High?"

"For one..." Akimitsu stated. "...I've been a member of the Drama Club for at least a month. Besides, you're more like Tybalt than Romeo."

"Who is this 'Tybalt'?" asked Kuno.

"He happens to be Romeo's rival for Juliet's affections," explained Mr. Fuyuki.

"Hm! Then for now, I shall take the role of this 'Tybalt', so that I may claim glorious victory over my opponent!" Kuno declared as he laughed boisterously.

Aki leaned over to Mr. Fuyuki. "...Tybalt dies in this, right?" he asked.

"Oh, of course," whispered Mr. Fuyuki. "Via getting stabbed by a sword."

Aki smirked in reply. "Well, then...this might just be more fun than I expected," he smirked. Not to mention—getting to k-k-kiss Akane...

"Hey!" called out a weedy-sounding voice. "I want to audition, too!"

Everyone turned to the left to see the baggy-eyed personage of Hikaru Gosunkugi, standing in the doorway with a slip of paper that read DRAMA CLUB: PERMISSION TO JOIN.

"Don't tell us...you want to be Romeo, too?" asked Mr. Masao.

Hikaru clapped his hands against his cheeks. "...if I play Romeo, then I'll be able to speak to Akane..." he gushed to himself.

Suddenly, there came a squawking laugh as the door was flung open and women's undergarments floated down like cherry blossoms. Standing in the doorway was Happosai, up to no good as usual.

Floating down from the whirlwind of panties was one marked with DRAMA CLUB: PERMISSION TO JOIN. Mr. Fuyuki stared down at it, looking like he wanted to die.

"How embarrassing, being asked to play Romeo at my age..." the old fart blushed. "Embarrassing, maybe! Challenging, sure! But for the chance to get a love scene with Akane, I'd walk over hot coals!"

Akane's face turned a sickly green, and she tried to suppress the urge to vomit right then and there.

Happosai leapt into the air towards Akane...but he only made contact with the business end of a Cricket bat.

THWACK!

The old horndog fell to the ground in a heap as tiny yellow birds [resembling the Phoenix from One Grew Over the Kuno's Nest] swirled around his head.

"You? As Romeo?!" Akimitsu snorted. "I'd say don't make me laugh, but it's a little late for that!"

"Lucky you, you're a hit!" commented Ranma. "Break a leg and do yer best!"

Akane's eyes gleamed with pure joy. "OK...I will do my best!" she beamed proudly as she put her fist in the air. "For a chance to be Juliet, I'll give it EVERYTHING I've got!"

That's the spirit, Akane, Akimitsu thought proudly. Let's both be a great Romeo and Juliet!

"Aren't you worried, Ranma?" asked Asami.

"Not really," shrugged Ranma. "If Aki's playin' Romeo, that means I don't have to!"

"There's usin' the old noodle!" complimented Kenma.

AND SO, THAT EVENING AT THE TENDO HOUSE...

"Wow; so she really got the role of Juliet this time?" asked Nabiki.

Soun and Panda-Genma glanced over with curiosity.

"Whaddyou mean this time?" queried Ranma.

Kasumi got up and retrieved a red photo album, which she brought over and placed on the table. "Well, Akane did do Romeo and Juliet when she was in grade school..." she explained. "...but she always had to play Romeo."

She pointed at an old photo, which showed a very small Akane dressed in old-timey clothes.

"Well, at least she looked the part," commented Ranma.

Out on the balcony, Akane thought about her elementary-school experience of Romeo and Juliet; namely, how all the other kids thought she should ALWAYS play Romeo, since she had such a boyish haircut.

"How could they have known? Known, that in my heart..." she soliloquized. "...I'd always wanted to wear a pretty dress and be Juliet! If only they'd seen! But how could I even begin to tell them...? Well, things have changed at last! This time, I'LL be playing Juliet! Just like I always wanted~!"

And so, the next day, thus began the practicing. Akane was atop a makeshift balcony, and Ranma was over her head, resting on a tree-branch.

"Places, people!" called Mr. Fuyuki. "We're ready for the balcony scene! You ready up there, Akane?"

Akane gave a nod as she checked her script copy. "Certainly!"

Of course, when Mr. Fuyuki looked over at his Romeos-to-be, he looked a little less confident. "...this is Romeo and Juliet, yes? Well, then...DO ANY OF YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA OF WHAT IT'S ABOUT?!" he shouted.

Kuno was dressed in a traditional samurai robe, Gosunkugi seemed to have gotten the wrong memo because he was dressed as a cloaked peddler selling apples, and Happosai was just drunk.

"C'mon, Juliet-baby! Pour us another snootful~!" he squawked as he waved the bottle around, his face red.

"Do you think I don't know a samurai drama when I see one?!" Kuno snapped at Mr. Fuyuki.

Aki was the only one who at least understood what was supposed to be done here, and HOW to do it. "This is why we read our scripts first," he remarked dryly.

Kuno scoffed. "The great Tatewaki Kuno needs no script!" he blustered.

"Then why didn't you realize that there are no samurai in Shakespeare?" Akimitsu asked. "I guess that way you talk is just for show and nothing else."

Mr. Fuyuki sighed. "I can feel that community theater prize slipping through my fingers..." he groaned. "Now our poor students will NEVER get to see China!"

From atop his perch, Ranma raised an eyebrow. See China...? he thought before he hopped down to the two drama teachers.

"DID YOU SAY 'INVITATION TO SEE CHINA'?!" Ranma exclaimed as he landed. "WERE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THAT?!"

"Serious, in what way?" inquired Mr. Fuyuki.

"That the best play gets to see China, yes or no?" asked Ranma.

"If they win, yes," replied Mr. Masao.

"All-right!" Ranma exclaimed, but right before he could continue, Kenma came over and pulled him aside.

"Kenma, what're ya doin'?" whispered Ranma. "This could be my chance to see China again AND go to Jusenkyo to get cured!"

"Ranma...I want you to put those braincells to work and think as hard as you can," instructed Kenma. "Do you really think that a high school would have the money to take one student, let alone a handful of them, to the country of China? For all we know, it could just be 'china' like the material they make plates out of, or maybe even some actor named China or something!"

"...you really think so?" inquired Ranma.

"It's not as though this sort of thing hasn't happened before," stated Kenma. "Besides, suppose it is the country, but you're only allowed to visit a specific area of it that could be thousands of miles away from Jusenkyo. Then you'd have gone to all this trouble for no reason."

Ranma rubbed his chin, realizing that Kenma did make a good point. Plus, he knew as much about Romeo and Juliet as Kuno did, which is to say, nothing whatsoever.

"...you know what?" Ranma informed Mr. Fuyuki. "I've decided not to take part."

Kuno's arrogant laugh pierced the air. "So, the great Ranma Saotome has chosen to forfeit!" he bellowed.

"That means we win by default!" Happosai laughed.

"Ahhhh…no," stated Ranma, pushing Akimitsu to the forefront. "Instead, I'm letting Aki here go for the role. He's a little better at this sorta thing, really."

"So!" glowered Kuno, reaching for his bokken. "Shall we settle this here and now?"

"Sounds good t'me!" rasped Happosai.

As the two combatants readied for battle, Gosunkugi was growing more and more nervous. This is bad! I don't stand a chance in full-frontal combat!

[Play track: Dragon Ball Z BGM M1709]

"Hold your horses," instructed Aki, raising a hand. "Why settle it out here when we could just settle things on stage?"

"Ah. You wish to settle this score in front of an audience?" asked Kuno. "Well then, who am I to deny the crowd the good fortune of seeing me triumph over you?"

Off to the side, Gosunkugi sighed in relief. Being behind the scenes would be the perfect opportunity for some deceptively dirty trickery.

"Fine, then!" Happosai retorted. "The last one standing will be Akane's Romeo!"

"Good luck, chumps!" Aki retorted as he put his hockey mask on. "You'll be lockin' horns with somebody who actually KNOWS this story!"

"This will be splendid!" gushed Mr. Fuyuki. "Romeo and Juliet: The Battle Royale Special Edition with Live Combat! It's innovative, it's brand-new, it's never been done before!"

All four competitors shot glares at each other, while Akane looked down upon them, worried about this turn of events.

Oh, no…this is going to be a disaster! she thought.

I shall be the one to claim the kiss from fair Akane! Kuno thought.

This is going to be my chance to talk to her! Gosunkugi thought.

You young punks haven't seen anything yet! Happosai thought.

I won't surrender to creeps like you, thought Akimitsu. I'm gonna give it my best, for Akane's sake!

Were this a fully-animated episode, right now you'd see all four of them in a four-sided screen split, with Akane in the middle of it.

SOME TIME LATER...

The day of the play had at last come, and the Interscholastic Drama Competition had begun.

From all around Nerima, multiple groups of actors had come to put on plays, including Journey to the West, The Wizard of Oz, and Jesus Christ Superstar.

Akane, meanwhile, was searching for Akimitsu, who was supposed to show up for the play. "Where could he be?" she pondered.

As she got to the dressing room, she found a nasty surprise. Inside the Romeo Dressing Room were Kuno, Happosai, and Gosunkugi, each looking very smug with each other.

"Oh, so the little vagrant is nowhere to be seen?" scoffed Kuno smugly. "Then I suppose that means I can claim the role of Romeo for myself! Come, dear Juliet! Fly into my arms~!"

But before he could get in contact with Akane, there came a loud CRASH, that made them turn around.

Standing in a newly-made hole in the wall was Aki, everything below his neck encased in a giant block of cement.

"Aki!" Akane exclaimed. "What happened to you?"

"Let's just say, I was delayed a bit." Aki remarked, shooting a death glare at Happosai as his arms burst forth from the sides. "Now, just gotta get the rest of this concrete off!"

Ranma and Kenma burst into the room, each carrying a pair of hammers and chisels, and began tapping away at the cement. Within minutes, they'd chiseled the cement into the shape of a statue-esque body!

"Heh. Funny, guys," remarked Aki. "Get me outta here, huh?"

More chiseling and hammering followed before Akimitsu was finally freed from his cement bindings. "Thanks, fellas," Aki responded as he gave a thumbs-up.

"Oh, Aki, I'm so glad you'll be playing Romeo after all!" said a high-pitched voice attempting to sound feminine. As Aki and Akane turned around, they saw Gosunkugi, poorly disguised as a schoolgirl.

Aki raised a brow in curiosity, as if to say You're kidding me, right?

"I even made you a costume, all by myself!" said Gosunkugi as he gave Aki a set of clothes, then took off. "I just know you'll be a great Romeo!"

Little does he know, the costume is actually a bomb! Gosunkugi chuckled to himself. When Aki is out of the way, the role of Romeo will soon be mine! Oh, Gosunkugi, you ARE a clever one!

He was immediately surprised to find that he was now holding his own fake costume, having been given back by Aki.

"It's a touching offer, really," Aki told him. "But I've already got eyes for someone else, so no thanks."

"W-w-wait!" shouted Gosunkugi. "Y-you don't—"

KA-BLAMSKI!

"Lamebrain," snorted Aki. "Did he really think I'd be fooled by a crappy disguise like that?"

...

Eventually, the final entry for the competition was ready.

"And now for our final entry in the competition, the Furinkan High Drama Club presents Romeo and Juliet!" declared Mr. Masao. As he opened the curtains, the students cheered. Hell, Ranma and Ukyo were in the audience with Kenma and Shampoo.

The curtains opened up, and revealed Akane, standing on the balcony, dressed in a Juliet costume [specifically the one worn by Olivia Hussy in the 1968 film version of Romeo and Juliet].

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" she recited. "Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet."

"Awright, Akane!" cheered one kid.

"Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight," narrated Mr. Fuyuki. "But their families are bitter enemies! As Romeo skillfully hides—"

Suddenly, a certain grotty old geezer leapt off his head and swung down on a vine. "Juliet...!" crowed Happosai.

"What manner of creature is this?" asked Akane, baffled.

"That's no Romeo," Ukyo remarked.

Before Happosai could grab Akane, his vine was sliced apart by Kuno. "No, I am Romeo!" he shouted, dressed like a samurai as usual.

Suddenly, Kuno got a kick to his face, courtesy of Akimitsu, who was dressed like Romeo [namely, like the costume worn by Leonard Whiting in 1968 Romeo and Juliet, with a few changes]. "Thou art the foolish brood, for I am Romeo!" he bellowed.

"You heathen, I am the true Romeo to this pretender to the throne!" retorted Kuno.

Aki smirked. "But sooth, doth your mother know...you weareth her drapes?" he asked.

"Ooooooooo~!" the audience hooted at this Shakespeare-era burn.

"Yea, verily, thou doth fellate many a bulging phallus!" Aki continued.

Akane watched as all three competitors squared off, before she heard a grunt from underneath. Looking down, she jumped back in terror. There, right beneath her, was Gosunkugi, his body painted to look like the balcony.

"Were you trying to look up my dress?!" Akane sputtered, her face red with anger.

"What? No, I'm trying to make you m—" Gosunkugi began, before she kicked him into the rafters, which resulted in him getting electrocuted by the stage light, which he broke by crashing into it.

KZ-Z-Z-Z-T!

"Anyone smell burning mummy?" asked Kuno, curious.

Happosai paused to smell himself to see if the stench was coming from him. "It's not me."

"Hey look, the redheaded pig-tailed girl in a bikini thong!" Aki exclaimed, pointing offscreen.

"WHERE?!" exclaimed Kuno and Happosai, as the light that Gosunkugi was sent flying into landed on both of them at the same time.

Immediately, while they were clobbered, Aki scurried up the balcony and climbed onto the railing. "Howdy, Juliet," he winked.

"What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, so stumblest on my counsel?" asked Akane.

"By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am," Aki continued. "My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word."

From the side of the stage, Mr. Fuyuki beamed with pride. "He's actually remembering the lines!" he gushed. "This is phenomenal!"

As Ranma and Kenma were watching the play, impressed, they didn't notice a certain black-and-white paw raising a frying pan over Kenma's head.

KLANG!

The next thing Kenma knew, he was on stage, dressed in the Romeo costume and right in front of Akane. He had to admit, she didn't look too bad dressed like that, but he wasn't interested in her.

Wait a second...what am I doing up here?! he thought.

"Kenma, what the hell are you doing here?!" Akane whispered in an angry tone to the redhead.

"I have no idea, one minute I'm watching you and Akimitsu performing on stage beautifully. Next thing I know I have a huge pain in the back of my head and..." Kenma tried to explain as he realized everyone was watching the play go on.

"Don't worry my son, I'll help you with your lines." Soun said as he came out of the shadows clad in a Kuroko style outfit.

Kenma gave the Tendo Patriarch a deadpan expression as he asked, "Where's Akimitsu?"

Soun looked away for a second before replying, "He became preoccupied with another errand."

In truth, Aki was hogtied backstage as he struggled to break free of the ropes, while swearing up a storm.

"Now just repeat after me," said Soun.

"Just repeat after me," said Kenma.

"No, no, not yet!"

"No, no, not yet."

"I meant wait for me to finish speaking before you start repeating!"

"I meant wait for me to finish speaking before you start repeating."

Soun rolled his eyes amidst the crowd's laughter. "...I'm an idiot." he smirked, thinking he had the boy where he wanted him.

"Hey bucko, YOU said it, not me!" Kenma retorted, causing the laughter to become uproarious.

"Just knock it off!" snapped Soun. "Now repeat after me: Juilet..."

Kenma rolled his eyes. "...Juliet..."

"I pledge to marry thee and take over my father's dojo!"

"I pledge to—WAIT A SECOND!" Kenma blurted before he turned around and saw Soun grinning sheepishly. "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

"Right then, in you go!" Soun said as he pushed Kenma towards Akane. This got the students whooping and hooting in response.

"Knock it off, you weirdos!" Akane shouted. "It's just a play!"

Just then, Panda-Genma popped up with two signs. The first read, They're gonna do it! Oh, are they ever gonna do it!

The second one read, Live on Stage! Romeo & Juliet! Real Kisses! See 'em love before your eyes!

Soun nodded. "The parents of both youngsters are in agreement," he remarked, before he got behind Akane and started pushing her towards Kenma, while Genma started pushing Kenma towards her. "So it's time to kiss, children!"

In the audience, Nabiki was vehemently denying any knowledge of Soun being her father.

"You morons, you can't force me into marrying her!" Kenma grunted.

"Yes, we can!" retorted Soun. "We even brought the priest to make it official!"

Kenma glanced around. "Where the hell is the priest, then?" he asked.

Soun blinked, before he turned to Genma. "...you did bring the priest to make the marriage official, right Genma?" he asked.

Genma held up a sign. I thought that was your job!

ELSEWHERE, IN VATICAN CITY...

"Well, NOW where the hell am I?!" Ryoga screamed.

"My child, this is a map of Japan..." explained the priest. "You're in Vatican City."

"So NOW what are we supposed to do?!" Soun yelled, before he heard the sound of cracking knuckles behind him. Turning around, he and Genma saw a particularly angry Kenma.

"...allow me to suggest your next move..." he snarled.

THWOK!
BIFF!
WHAM!
POW!
SOCKA-MAGEE!

Both man and panda were thrown off the stage, their bodies covered in bruises and bloody lumps, as well as their arms twisted in unusual manners.

"I did warn him what would happen if he pulled more crap like this again," Kenma remarked as he went to the side of the stage and cut Aki free, before giving back his Romeo costume. "Sorry about all this, really. I knew my father was an idiot, but I never gauged HOW stupid he was."

"Eh, it's cool, I don't blame you," Aki responded as he got redressed. "I also don't blame you for wanting to kill your dad. If I had to grow up with somebody like him for a parent, I'd feel the same way."

"Nice to see you understand where I'm coming from," responded Kenma as he got his normal clothes on. "Now I think you've got a kiss to get back to, dude."

Akimitsu nodded, but as he came out onto the stage, he saw Gosunkugi, body charred but still alive, clutching Akane's unconscious body in his right arm, while in his left arm he clutched a can of aerosol.

"Where did you even get chloroform?!" Aki asked in shock, wondering how in the hell a weak looking person like Gosunkugi got his hands on Chloroform.

"I'll never reveal my source!" The wimpy teen stated as he tried hard to drag Akane away—tried being the keyword, as he could barely hold her up at this point.

MEANWHILE...

At that exact moment, a science teacher was doing inventory of his chemicals he used in class while the drama competition was underway.

"It's weird to have a peaceful moment without a fight breaking out that could cause a chemical spill in my room," he had to admit. "But now, I can finally run inventory and—am I missing a bottle? Who the hell stole a bottle of Chloroform?!"

The science teacher yelled as he noticed a bottle of the chemical missing, wondering which one of his idiot students could've stolen it.

"You have literal seconds to release Akane, and step off stage," Aki informed calmly but angrily. "Or else."

"Or else, what?" asked Gosunkugi. "You're not some martial artist like Ranma or Kenma or even Ryoga or Kuno!"

"Maybe not," stated Aki calmly. "But that doesn't mean I'm any less capable of kicking your bony ass. Also..." he continued in that same calm voice, "I have a metal bat that will break your weak bones!" he concluded as he brought the bat out, making Gosunkugi even paler than people thought was possible. And the skinny teen was pale enough to begin with.

"...well, I think I left the iron on somewhere!" Gosunkugi exclaimed before he scampered off the stage, dropping Akane's body as she fell to the floor. Of course, the second she almost hit the ground, Kuno reached out and caught her in his arms.

"Fair Akane Tendo, I shall be your fairytale prince," he declared. "I shall kiss thee to awaken you from your sleeping curse!"

"Not a chance," Aki remarked, and Kuno felt the fake sword jabbing him in the side. "For now, Tybalt DIES."

"Pshaw, thou believe such a blunt and weak sword like that shall smite the true Rome—" Kuno proudly and boastfully began to rant before he got a bat to the face.

THWACK!

"GAH, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I THINK YOU BROKE MY GODDAMN NOSE!" he screamed, talking like a normal person for a little while.

Aki had hit Kuno in the face so hard, he actually made him break character and talk like a normal person for once, surprising everyone watching...including the Kendo club themselves.

"...did that just happen?" asked Ukyo.

"I'm definitely surprised, that much is certain," Kenma chimed in.

Kuno ran offstage, screaming swears all the way. As Aki watched him go, he took his bat and swung backwards, clocking Happosai on the head.

"Don't think I forgot you, old man," he snapped.

Happosai groaned as he fell over, dizzy.

"Lo, fair Juliet sleeps the sleep of death," said Mr. Fuyuki. "The only way to awaken her is a kiss from her beloved Romeo!"

"Looks like that's my cue..." Aki said, swallowing heavily. As he stepped onto the stage, he saw Akane lying atop a casket full of flowers.

Soun and Genma were in the audience, being restrained by Kasumi and Ukyo.

"This isn't right!" wailed Soun. "If anyone's going to kiss Akane, it should be Ranma!"

Hell, we'll even let Kenma do it! read Genma's sign.

"SHADDAP!" Ranma and Kenma yelled as they clonked Soun and Genma on the heads.

Aki stepped forward, and leaned down to Akane; he could practically feel his heart pounding in his chest.

B-DMP. B-DMP. B-DMP. B-DMP.

Oh crap...now is so not the time to freeze up!, he thought to himself.

By then, Akane had opened her eyes and saw that Aki was sweating bullets.

"I am so sorry for this Akane," Aki whispered as she saw his nervous face and tone. "I'm ruining the scene cause I'm freaking out here."

Normally, Akane would be very mad and punch whoever would be like this with her for ruining the only chance she had at playing Juliet, but that wasn't the case here. Despite Kuno, Happosai, Gosunkugi, and her father trying to ruin the play, Aki was the only one who did what he was supposed to do.

"It's okay Aki," Akane whispered in a reply, "Let me help you out here." She reached up to gently hold his face and pulled him into a passionate kiss on her lips.

The boy was utterly surprised, but his face gradually turned bright red with awe.

The auditorium was totally silent...and then, it erupted in cheering.

Mr. Fuyuki was ecstatic! His play went off without any more hitches and the ending was phenomenal. He had a feeling that he had the contest in the bag thanks to the on-stage chemistry between Akimitsu and Akane Tendo.

AND SO, AFTER THE PLAY...

Akane and Akimitsu had decided to walk home together so they could spend as much time with one another without Soun caterwauling about how "the plan wasn't supposed to go this way".

"So...how was it?" asked Akane.

"If we're being honest?" responded Aki. "Second-greatest moment of my life."

"Really? What was the greatest moment of your life?" Akane asked, wondering what could top kissing her in front of everyone in the school without fear of assault or being sent into the surrounding neighborhood.

"Well...when I first met you," Aki answered.

Akane couldn't help but blush at the honest answer. She knew it sounded a bit corny, but coming from Aki...it made her heart skip a beat with how romantic it was.

In our next episode...this one's an original episode co-written by friend and collaborator, skinnydude911, sometimes known as Ryuma217 on Discord!

So after the whole Romeo and Juliet debacle, we were able to enjoy a few days of peace and sanity...until we got a visit from two people we never met before.

?: Hello, do the Saotomes live here?

?: Saotome, I've come to fight you to break of an engagement!

Kenma: Yeah, the worst part of this is exactly who they're connected to. Hint: he's tall, has bladed armor, and hates mutant turtles more than anyone on the planet!

Intimidating armored figure: Where is Saotome?

Kenma: Goddamn it, Genma, what'd you get us into THIS time?!

Next time on Ranma 1/2: Another Engagement?! The Saotomes' Toughest Battle!

We'll see ya there!
TEYANDEE~!