Note: Someone ordered a snow cannon to fire at my geographical region! I appreciate that. So I'm posting an unscheduled Snow Day update.
Chapter Six: Wufei
It was November 15th, and after looking within and considering what he always wanted on his own small version of this anniversary, Duo firmly talked himself into action. Unfortunately the empty desk in front of him would mean implementing a new strategy to achieve his goal. He'd already checked the cafeteria and schedules for missions, meetings, and debriefings. Now the only thing left to do was the one thing he was half avoiding. With a sigh he walked down a short hallway, adjusted his collar, and braced himself before crossing through the open doorway of Heero and Trowa's office to tersely ask "Where's Chang?"
Heero responded without looking up from his laptop. "He's out today."
Duo glared in his direction before turning his gaze to Trowa. "And you accept this?"
A small frown formed on Trowa's face as his eyes shifted up from his work to meet Duo's. It was the first time they saw each other since they parted ways in the elevator over a week ago. He was back in his courier hat and jacket, which for some reason still felt odd to Trowa. Duo belonged in a Preventers uniform, not the uniform of some fake courier service.
"Yes. We do. He usually takes today off." The attitude radiating off Duo flipped quickly into something new and his frame visibly tensed. He looked downright murderous. Before Trowa could make an inquiry Duo shot back out the door, angrily cursing under his breath. If his braid hadn't been tucked into his jacket Trowa was certain it would be swinging in defiance of him.
He turned to his partner. "Did he call us 'insensitive, fucking assholes' just now?"
Heero grunted an affirmation.
Striding through the halls Duo headed back to Wufei's empty office, making himself at home with the laptop he brought. Wufei's office was somewhere he'd been before. For reasons Duo couldn't quite pinpoint he felt the Chinese man was the best place to start on Une's mission to build a working relationship with the other ex Gundam pilots. Maybe it was because the day they all barged uninvited into his home it was Wufei who was the least angry. He even took the hint and pushed everyone back into the hallway before asking if they'd see him again. The way he asked that question, without judgement, without the anger and accusation of the others, and with a hint of hope... it stuck out every time Duo replayed the incident in his head.
In response to that, he swallowed a little pride and made an effort to "reconnect" like Une demanded. Since late October he quietly dropped by Wufei's office on Friday afternoons to leave him some data and go. They didn't speak much on those days. They barely exchanged words. But Wufei also didn't reject him. He didn't become critical or get angry or even bring up the past. He did look confused the first two times, though. But once he realized what Duo was up to he just looked like he had questions he was afraid to ask. Instead, he'd say "thank you" in a slightly puzzled tone that Duo didn't stick around to dive into. And that was enough for a start. That was something.
Duo still didn't have an office of his own, nor a full time security badge. Instead he kept entering and exiting the building only as Une's personal courier. As Mateo he was largely ignored by staff at HQ, so loitering in an empty office was unlikely to catch anyone's attention. Une did offer him in the past to have an official badge but he refused. A full time badge was too close to becoming a regular Preventers agent and would raise questions about his position with the organization. It worked out just fine to come and go undercover, and no one would be complaining today as he commandeered Wufei's desk. No one ever looked twice at Mateo.
Since he exhausted his legal means of finding Wufei it was time to use other skills. Tracking someone's phone without a warrant using Preventers resources wasn't strictly by the book but he didn't particularly care. Covering his tracks was simple enough and if anyone managed to find out what he'd done Commander Une would disappear the inquiry. A small voice in his head reminded him that he hadn't even attempted to directly call or contact Wufei today, but a stronger voice insisted the man would not answer his phone unless a known contact was calling.
They hadn't exchanged phone numbers.
He was certain of one thing: the phone would be turned on, because Wufei was too responsible to fully turn it off in case of an emergency, and that meant it would have a traceable signal. More importantly it meant Duo would have Wufei's location in the next few minutes.
At first Wufei didn't notice the presence of anyone approaching him. His eyes were closed and he was focused on breathing and how the cool November breeze felt against his skin in contrast to the heat of a bright and sunny day. He noticed the grass, longer than it should be, brushing smoothly against his feet and ankles. He wondered if the city already stopped mowing this remote park for the oncoming winter season. The blades kissed him softly as they swayed in air that smelled distinctly of fall. It was a very earthly scent of decomposing leaves that he'd not experienced in the colonies. In some ways that smell, completely foreign to space, made today all the more melancholy. He felt completely but comfortably alone, with an emptiness in his chest where he imagined his heart must reside. So when he felt a presence sitting beside him on the grass he didn't know how to react.
He waited for someone to speak but instead the only sounds were the rustling of leaves, the dancing of the grass, and the chattering of some birds. In the distance he heard a car travel down a nearby road. He wondered, idly, why he hadn't heard one approach earlier. Perhaps what he was feeling next to him was the presence of those he lost, long ago on a horrific day in the cold and unforgiving vacuum of space. Maybe what he felt beside him was a memory.
Wufei wouldn't call it curiosity that eventually caused him to spare a glace to his side, because he wasn't feeling any particular emotions at the time. He was simply certain that part of him needed to know if his senses were correct or if he was experiencing something more supernatural or spiritual. But even that prospect didn't change the emptiness inside of him until he opened his left eye and caught sight of the last person he expected.
"Maxwell?" his questioning voice was barely above a whisper. "What are you doing here?"
His brow furrowed as he took in his friend. The American was sitting to his left and mimicking his position, with legs crossed like Buddha and hands resting in his lap. He was leaning back with eyes closed, much like Wufei had before noticing he was no longer alone. With long chestnut bangs blowing in the breeze and the sun on his pale skin Duo looked more healthy and more alive than Wufei could remember. Was it the start of Operation Meteor when he last looked full of life? He watched his comrade take in a slow and deep breath before responding.
"Just thought you could use some company today."
Wufei winced reflexively and was glad he wasn't being watched. "You don't have to do this. Go back to work or home or wherever you'd be today. I'm fine."
A warm smile graced Duo's face and for a moment Wufei swore he really was experiencing a memory. This smile was from the old Duo, not the bitter one they reconnected with two months ago. He tilted his head towards Wufei before slowly opening his eyes. There was a depth in those eyes Wufei couldn't begin to explore. When he spoke it was intentional and clear, with a reassuring and smooth tenor that dropped the slang he tended to randomly weave in and out of.
"I know you'll be okay. You are strong and independent. But that doesn't mean you have to be alone. Sometimes…" he paused like he was omitting something. His eyes seemed to glaze with a haunted expression but they cleared quickly and he forged ahead. "It's good to not be alone. To have someone beside you watching your back. I won't make you talk about it. But I'm here for you and there's nothing that will change that. This is where I want to be right now and you know how stubborn I am."
Wufei felt the corners of his mouth tug upward as his eyes began to sting. Duo turned his face back towards the sky and left the Chinese man to marvel at this display of compassion and empathy. How did Duo, who became the most abrasive person in his life, read him so well? It was true that he would be okay. Every year he was okay and if anyone asked he'd tell them he didn't want to talk about it. He could handle himself and he took pride in that.
What he never told anyone was how much he wished they'd understand that not wanting to talk didn't mean they had to retreat from him. What he never said was how each year he wished someone would show up for him and just be there and how it hurt when the others simply took his word that he was okay. It wasn't entirely rational. He wasn't a man who typically required reading between the lines, but asking for emotional support was difficult. So how could Duo read all of that so easily when no one else was capable?
They sat in amicable silence for another hour as the sun stretched out into the sky, the color of its light warming as it gently pulled shadows into slowly elongating shapes. Wufei spent much of that time watching the light shift and clearing his mind. Throughout all of it Duo sat patient and unmoving. His steady presence was reassuring and that emptiness inside Wufei felt a little less gaping with the addition of someone who understood that what he longed for today was companionship. That hole in his chest was filling back up. He shifted in position and stood in one fluid motion before holding out a hand to the long haired American. "Come on, Maxwell. Let's grab a drink."
As Duo gazed up at him Wufei saw that smile he'd missed for so many years resurface. What a difference that smile could make. Duo took his hand and Wufei pulled him to his feet only to watch Duo's knees immediately buckle as his hand slipped out of Wufei's grasp. He fell back to the ground, all grace escaping him, and looked up at Wufei with an expression that was somehow both sheepish and petulant. "We've been here so long both my legs are asleep! How the hell are yours not when you were here first?"
The atmosphere was electric with a building charge of laughter before the sound burst out of them in tandem. The laughter kept coming as Duo tried in vain to get his legs under him only to wobble and fall over again. Wufei found himself doubled over, experiencing a joy he didn't think possible on a day like today, and the knowing look in Duo's eyes as his laughter finally began to subside made him feel truly seen. That emptiness was filling again. He held his hand out one more time.
"I'll have to show you proper form to keep your circulation going if you end up sitting like that with me again."
Locking wrists this time Wufei managed to get Duo onto his feet with a bit more grace and held him until he stabilized.
"Count on it."
Wufei looked sharply at Duo, not wanting to put too much weight behind those words. But it wasn't long before he got clarification.
"I plan on repeating this next year, if you're okay with that, Wufei."
Duo's casual use of the name "Wufei" instead of "Chang" hit the dark haired man with a strong mix of emotions. He could feel that emptiness filling again, even more. The people closest to him held unique pieces of his heart. Those he lost took theirs with them, leaving gaps and scar tissue. And those remaining used their parts to patch the holes and scars others left behind. It took him a long time to realize just how much of his heart Duo's friendship acquired.
It was hard to admit, after Duo disappeared without a trace, how much he reminded Wufei of his family. During the war he tried to keep his distance from Pilot 02 because his often carefree attitude and ridiculous smile reminded him of a cousin he grew up with. While Wufei took his studies seriously his cousin just wanted to have fun. But even with their wildly different personalities the two were thick as thieves. He didn't think his cousin should fight in the war, and he projected that onto Duo. When L5 was destroyed he couldn't stand to be near the braided American. It only reminded him of everything he lost.
It was hard to believe that was twelve years ago.
It was hard to believe that in his anger and grief he pushed away the only friend who apparently understood him. He was a fool when he was a teenager, spending years antagonizing Duo for no truly good reason other than as an outlet for his misdirected feelings. After the war he still gave Duo the hardest time of anyone in their group.
He would not become that fool again.
Months ago when Quatre found Duo in the hospital he thought that missing piece of his heart Duo took with him would be rebuilt. The pain he experienced when Duo was nothing like his old self only served to make that hole feel endlessly large. But today that missing piece was coming home. That emptiness inside him didn't feel so endless with this friend finally by his side. One day he would tell Duo just how sincerely he considered him a brother. He'd need to tell Duo how his friendship returned to him an echo of the home he lost, and how it gave him a sense of peace and belonging he once thought impossible to recreate.
It was too early to say all of that now. Duo wouldn't believe him today. He'd hear the words and brush them off like nothing. But Wufei was confident that in the future, not too long from now, he could say all of that and Duo would not only hear the words, but actually listen.
He smiled at the promise to repeat this next year. It was the first time he truly felt Duo was not planning to disappear on him again.
"I'd like that, Duo."