Chapter Twelve: Christmas Sucks
The smell of fresh pine and roasting chestnuts always made Duo extra agitated. The lights, the wrapping paper, the green and red decor, the Santas and decorated trees... every part of it rubbed him the wrong way. All the people out on the street with their holiday cheer brought back memories he'd rather forget. But most years he could tuck his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and ignore all of that. Usually he took measures to avoid the season, limiting his movements and exposure to the outside world. He rarely left his building in December other than to go on a mission. It worked well for him.
Walking downtown towards certain danger was not working well for him.
The real problem this year was twofold: inescapable Christmas cheer on the street, and the well meaning fool he'd begrudgingly let back into his life who wanted him to socialize in December.
He could easily ignore everyone except that fool, Wufei.
After the day they spent together in November Duo realized that he missed companionship more than he was ready to admit. He was trying with Wufei, putting himself out there to maintain a connection. If he was being honest he'd simply missed having a friend. But he was ready to damn Wufei to hell for asking him with a hopeful and pleading tone to show up at the Preventers' holiday party.
Their rekindled friendship was important to Duo, and the American had no doubt Wufei was consciously using that against him in an attempt to force a reconciliation with the others. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. While it was sweet that Wufei wanted everyone to be friends it was frustrating that he was pushing Duo into situations he wasn't ready to deal with. A little push was one thing but getting him to the biggest holiday party of the year for Preventers was shoving him directly into enemy territory.
Not once after procuring his current job with the Preventers had Duo attended any of their events. He didn't even attend meetings with anyone other than Une. It was part of his carefully negotiated employment agreement to stay away from other people. But everything was different now. Worse, Une took the baffling position of encouraging his participation. It was all very counterintuitive given the secretive nature of his job and he didn't feel good about his handler wanting to expose him. Part of him felt that maybe this was the third step in Une's long term plan to kill him.
Rounding a corner he saw the event venue a few blocks away and his feet stopped. Someone bumped into him and he ducked away from the main sidewalk to the nearest spot in which to momentarily hide. It wasn't ideal, but the entry to an apartment building jutted out slightly and provided enough of a wall to give the illusion of security. The largely glass building would be poor cover against fire but it was fine to clear his head and gather his wits.
Duo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His instincts told him not take another step towards this evening's social event. A glance up showed him couples walking arm in arm, bundled in coats and scarves. Children ran ahead of parents to point excitedly into shop windows with holiday displays, and lights twinkled on wreaths fixed to garland curled around light posts. It was all so ridiculous.
He let out a quick breath and watched the cloud of steam it created fade before doing it again but slowly. In the back of his mind he was aware that this was all a means of stalling the inevitable, but what else could he do? It was when he realized he was clutching his phone inside his pocket that he let out a full and real sigh. That damn phone was always in his hands tempting him. At times likes these the familiar feeling of the small device had the same effect on him as standing on a ledge and feeling the pull of gravity. His fingers curled more tightly around it and he wondered for the hundredth time what would happen if he called or texted Heero.
Since they first met Heero was not the type to enjoy a large party. If anyone would understand his apprehension it would be him. But calling would be an admission of need. Calling would be an open admission of weakness, and if there was one thing Duo had left it was the appearance of strength. Plus there was no guarantee his call or text would be answered. Duo wasn't sure he could take a blow like calling Heero in a moment of vulnerability and having that call ignored. He was never good at letting down his defenses when the reception of that action wasn't 100% certain. The last times he tried it ended with disaster. People just weren't built to support him.
Allowing himself a private moment of weakness he pulled out his phone once more and scrolled to find Hilde's last text to him.
Don't be an idiot. You're not the center of the world.
For whatever reason those words were comforting.
Feeling eyes on him he looked to his right and saw a doorman staring like he was considering calling the cops. He'd spent too long loitering at this building and abruptly took his first steps towards his destination. No need to scare the unassuming doorman. No need to have the cops called when he didn't even have a Preventer's badge to flash while giving some mundane excuse for how he lingered in the streetlamp light. And though he didn't mind the cold he knew if he stayed still for much longer a chill would begin to set in place that wouldn't be so easily shaken without ducking indoors.
He walked through the hotel doors and into the lobby without further hesitation, but the Christmas trees and music did nothing to ease his tension. A short line of people who looked to be a family were checking in at reception, and Duo could hear the wheels on a small suitcase rolling back and forth on the glossy marble floor as a child played with her luggage to pass time. A sign informed guests that Ballroom C was hosting the Meigui Tech Holiday Party, Saturday December 11 from 8:00 until midnight. Une always chose a new name for their events rather than broadcast to the public that there was a room full of Preventers available to target. Duo gave annual reminders that the entire idea of a party was a security nightmare but like usual Une ignored him "in favor of morale."
The party was in full swing when he walked through the doors to Ballroom C and felt the distinct urge to flee before anyone could spot him. It was a shock to see so many people gathered, and in some ways while he knew the Preventers organization was large he'd not really considered how many agents and support personnel worked out of HQ. It occurred to him that of the maybe 400 guests here there would only be six he knew at all. Maybe eight if Zechs and Noin showed up, though Duo was certain they were still on Mars for another week. The ballroom was loud with a mix of chatter and music that made him all the more apprehensive. He suppressed the urge to reach into his pocket and grab his phone. A voice in his head told him he shouldn't be here about the same time a pleasant voice broke through the noise and exclaimed "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes!"
Duo turned to see Sally Po smiling and holding out a drink for him. He shook his head a little but Sally wouldn't take no for an answer. "It's only cider. Some of us are on call or just don't drink. I figured you might not be comfortable enough for alcohol." Her warmth was genuine and reluctantly he took the glass to appease her. "You know," she said leaning close and lowering her voice like she was divulging secrets "I haven't thanked you yet for giving me so much extra time with Wufei. It's been wonderful to see him more. But it's also really good to see you again."
At that Duo smiled faintly and took a sip of cider hoping to hide any further smile. "It's good to see you, Sally." When she nudged him with her elbow and gave him a skeptical look it was plain to him why she and Wufei were a good match. Their energies undoubtedly played well off one another. "You look good, Sal. You look happy."
Her face changed ever so slightly and Duo wondered if maybe he said something wrong.
"And you look like you're here to rob the place." She laughed lightly at his confusion. "What's with the hoodie at a semi-formal event? I thought you were the stealth expert. Shouldn't you be blending in?"
That earned her a real Maxwell smile. "I told that boyfriend of yours I would show up. Never said I'd stay!"
"Well a little effort wouldn't do you harm." She subtly pointed towards someone at the edge of the crowd "Meimei from Cyber Crimes is eyeing you like you're about to take me hostage and demand the release of your criminal friends from Preventers custody. At least take down the hood to put her at ease!" She was beaming as she reached up and gently brought her hands towards his cheeks, grasping the fabric of his hood and lifting it over his head and onto his shoulders. For a moment Duo felt like a child again, the intimate gesture taking him back to the orphanage and Sister Helen declaring she wanted to see his face as she performed the same action. It must have shown how he was lost in a memory because Sally's brow furrowed a bit in concern. Before she could say anything further Wufei appeared beside her.
"Duo! You're over an hour late. I was thinking you wouldn't show but this one-" he put an arm around Sally "wouldn't stop checking the doors for you."
Something about that sentiment warmed Duo's heart. He wasn't expecting anyone other than perhaps Wufei to be looking forward to seeing him. The idea made him a little bashful and he rubbed one hand behind his neck and dropped eye contact. "You were looking for me?"
Sally gave a crooked smile and tilted her head to one side. "Of course I was, Duo. I haven't had a chance to see you since you resurfaced and I've missed you. You were the only one of the guys who could hold a decent conversation during the war." At that Wufei, with his arm still around her shoulders, leaned away and gave her a critical look. She turned to him and mirrored his posture. "What? You really think you had any meaningful conversations with me during the war? You were downright impossible until working at Preventers mellowed you!"
They laughed, and their shared familiarity stung Duo faintly with jealousy. Wufei looked to him with a smile. "Do you agree Preventers mellowed me out?"
Seeing how comfortable the Chinese man was in this moment, standing next to the woman he loved and looking in every way happy, placed a tightness in Duo's chest. But this was unlike the pain that landed him in the hospital just a few months earlier. This was the joy of seeing someone he cared about positively beaming, and it was a feeling he'd denied himself for years while he avoided other people. He let out a sigh and shrugged as he responded "maybe ya just needed to grow up a bit. I mean you were a pretty moody teenager during the wars."
Sally's laughter was radiant and Wufei's face expressed shock. "I'd take offense but I'm glad to see you're teasing me like you old self again."
"Hey, I left ya in good hands. I trust Sally here to tease you plenty."
At that Sally slipped out of Wufei's arms and stepped next to duo, holding him by the arm and grinning at her confused date. The gesture sent a jolt through Duo, who was not used to such close physical contact, but Sally didn't notice. "It's two against one, Wuffles, so you're really in for it tonight!"
Duo looked to her sharply. "WUFFLES?"
She turned to him with a coy smile. "If we're going to tag team tease him, I think I have the right to steal one of your old lines."
"I have NEVER called him 'Wuffles' in my life! Why does everyone put words into my mouth? Who told you I called him that? Who is making up lies about me? I've called him a sonofabitch, a traitor, stuck up, pretentious, a lousy lay... though that was a guess, sorry Sally." Her smile kept him going. "I've called him gacho..."
"Gacho?"
"Yeah, it means he's SO NOT COOL."
"Oh! That's a good one!"
They both turned when Wufei groaned with exaggerated despair. "How am I going to deal with two of you?"
This time even Duo joined the couple's laughter. Sally reached back out to Wufei and they both faced Duo, doubled over and catching their breath. It felt surreal for him to be laughing freely with friends again. In that instant he forgot where they were. He forgot it was nearing Christmas and that he'd basically been all but blackmailed into coming to this party. He forgot the years he'd spent alone. How he hated this holiday. How he was under-dressed and some agent was staring daggers at him. How this event was still technically a security nightmare. He forgot it all until he looked past his friend's shoulders towards the center of the room and caught sight of Heero.
He was standing arm in arm with Relena, her in a fashionable evening dress and him in a suit and tie to match. They were talking with someone as she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.
Duo froze.
His laughter died in his throat.
He didn't see Trowa approaching with Quatre in tow or the concerned looks Sally and Wufei suddenly wore. He didn't hear them ask what was wrong or see them turn to follow his gaze. By the time they realized just what caught Duo's eye Trowa and Quatre had arrived. And when they turned back to him, Duo was gone.