Note: A lot of fics end up with ridiculously long notes to thank reviewers, and I planned to avoid that entirely. But some of the reviews are very kind, and others amuse me because I know what I've already written later in the story. They do not change my plans, but they are meaningful. Some of your thoughtful words will forever make me proud. So please know I do read reviews, and I appreciate them even while I try to avoid the trope of acknowledging them at all.

Chapter Eighteen: A Long Night

One of his earliest memories was being afraid of the dark.

There was no specific event tied to his fear, and what memory he retained was vague, but after decades he still recalled vividly how it made him feel. His muscles would tense. His body would freeze in place as panic spread over him. It began in his gut and oozed through his limbs, filling him with dread. At the time he didn't have words to describe it, but as he got a little older he learned this was the feeling of vulnerability.

Though he was still a small child when he learned that vulnerability existed in the light as well as the dark, his earliest memories were defined by comforting light juxtaposed by terrifying darkness.

It was in the dark where he lost control. If he couldn't see what was there he couldn't defend himself. The very concept of safety was threatened by darkness. So it was a triumph, or maybe just a trauma, when he quickly shed that fear and replaced it with cold and calculating defense.

Some people called it facing his fears head on, and in another circumstance he would wholly agree. But the way in which he was forced to confront what scared him, repeatedly left alone and exposed in the dark to fend for himself and fight for his life against those who would do him harm, was not an experience summarized so casually. It was child abuse. And though it was effective and ultimately gave him strength, it stripped him of all his vulnerability. He was left without the ability to expose his feelings enough to connect on a human level.

When Heero lay in bed with his eyes closed, relaxed and listening to music in a completely dark room, he was conquering the traumas of his past. While fear had not factored into darkness since his earliest days traveling as Odin Lowe's son, he was always on high alert. His outward demeanor of calmness was often paired with an underlying paranoia that something was going to attack him when he defenseless.

The first time he relaxed in the dark was with Duo, mere months after they met. Though loathe to admit it at the time, the American made him feel safe enough to let someone else take watch. For the first time since Odin he trusted another person to have his back. He later learned that this trust was a byproduct of friendship.

It wasn't until he began to enjoy music for pleasure that he finally arrived at complete peace alone in the dark. At first he discovered that closing his eyes enhanced his listening experience. The addition of a visual sensory deprivation invited the sound waves to vibrate pleasantly across his skin. When he tried listening with his eyes closed while in the dark, the experience was wholly different. The music turned into the vastness of space, and he floated through it, fully immersed.

That's where he was, feeling complete peace, when he heard a loud and sharp knock at his door.

Given the late hour he paused the music and reached for his gun. It would be unusual, though not unheard of, for trouble to actually come knocking. As a Preventer he occasionally got leads on cases in the middle of the night, but those typically arrived via phone call. Had he missed a call? Before he could double check his phone vibrated. It was an incoming text from Wufei.

It's me, open the door.

Heero scrutinized the words for a moment. If Wufei was at his door at this hour something was definitely wrong. Quickly he exited his texting app and pulled up the video feed of his peephole. The look on Wufei's face made it clear something was terribly wrong. Heero dashed to meet him and swung the door open.

"What happened?"

Wufei addressed him like he would during any mission. He spoke in short sentences with a commanding tone. "You're coming with me. Duo's on a medivac to Noventa Memorial. ETA…" he checked his watch "16 minutes."

Without question Heero moved into action. His mind was bereft of full thoughts but he was trained to react accordingly for any emergency. In seconds he was out the door and they were making haste down the hall. He didn't bother to lace his boots, he could do that in the car. Heero turned to take the stairs but Wufei glanced at his footwear and stopped him. "We have time, Heero. Noventa Memorial's only ten minutes out. We'll get there before the medivac."

The tension in Heero's frame did not abate as the elevator arrived. The ding brought with it Heero's words. "What happened?"

"All I know is that Duo was working with Trowa on a case for Une." They stepped into the elevator and Wufei hit the button for the ground floor. "And while on that mission he was shot."

"You spoke with Trowa?"

"No. I got a call from one of his team members. Trowa and Quatre are on their way but it's a long drive."

"Quatre is involved with this?"

"I don't know."

"What mission were they on?"

"I don't know."

"How badly is he hurt?"

"Heero, I don't know!"

The elevator doors opened and they jogged out of the lobby of Heero's building to the waiting car parked out front. Sally was in the driver's seat. She took off as soon as everyone was inside with the doors closed. Sitting in the back Heero was fidgeting nervously. His leg was bouncing on its own accord and he couldn't keep his hands still even though he wasn't bothering to occupy himself by tying his laces. Finally he blurted out "How could I not know about this? Trowa is my partner!" Sally shot him a sympathetic look in the rear-view mirror but no one answered him.

Tension was palpable in the air. Wufei and Sally kept throwing worried sideways glances at each other, careful not to turn their heads lest Heero catch on. Dealing with the unknown in regards to Duo's condition was difficult but also a task they were each familiar with. Wufei and Sally were both products of the wars, as well as the Preventers agency. It wasn't the first time they were left unsure of a friend's condition. Dealing with the unknown in regards to Heero's reaction was something else entirely. Neither felt sure of what their roles should be, nor how their friend's emotional state would impact his ability to weather what was to come.

As promised, they got to the hospital ahead of the helicopter.

Sally used her status as a working doctor with privileges to radio the team in the air for further information. Heero felt the wind knocked out of him as she explained that Duo was receiving transfusions and would be taken directly to surgery upon landing. He didn't remember being ushered two floors up to the surgery wing. He wondered, vaguely, if they'd be able to hear the chopper's arrival.

Noventa Memorial had a designated elevator for emergency medical transport, and in front of those doors was where they camped out to wait for Duo's arrival. Once the medivac landed on the roof they would take the emergency elevator down to surgery and Duo would be rushed through those doors and into the operating room.

Heero paced as Wufei and Sally leaned against a wall, their shoulders touching. For Heero, time never passed more slowly. But when the elevator doors surprised him by finally opening, he didn't know time could pass so rapidly. Before he could blink a gurney had come and gone. He only saw a blur of red and a telltale braid of chestnut hair.

Sally's voice broke through his shock. "Heero. You need to stay here. I'm going to see if they'll let me observe." She squeezed his shoulder and quickly left, flashing her hospital ID card to follow the same path the medical team ran with Duo. Heero stared down the hallway long after she'd disappeared. He could feel it. That darkness from his childhood creeping up on him in a way he hadn't experienced in decades.

Heero froze in place as the reality of the situation began to settle into him.

The last few years without Duo hurt, but when he felt his worst he was able to hold onto the idea that Duo was out there somewhere, living his life. Now he couldn't decide if he wanted Sally to come back or not. For as long as she was gone, Duo would remain alive and part of the world. But if she came back and he was dead…

A hollow pain had manifested in his gut without him noticing until it was all encompassing. He anticipated it radiating to his limbs, rocketing him back to childhood and to his deepest fears.

If Sally returned and Duo was dead his entire world would become inescapable darkness.

Wufei was watching him but didn't make a move to approach, and Heero was grateful. In his bones he knew he wasn't ready to deal with others. He'd fully sunken into a place where he preemptively knew the human voice would grate at him. He knew that even a gentle touch would cause him to recoil. These were things that would only serve to ground him, and he needed to remain as suspended from reality as possible in order to not fall apart.

Thankfully he was granted the isolation he needed for a while.

Until Quatre and Trowa showed up.

At first all Heero noticed was a distant sound of voices. It was noise more than anything. Just a faint and muddled sound that didn't concern him as he continued to stare off in shock. Eventually it grew more irritating and harder to ignore, the sound of his name cutting him sharply. He flinched and felt a shiver ripple through his body. When a hand touched his shoulder it felt like fire.

Retreating from the touch he turned to see Quatre. The blonde man was calling his name again, an expression on his face Heero had never seen before and couldn't in his emotional state process. And then, over Quatre's shoulder, he saw Trowa.

Suddenly all of his shock turned into rage, and before anyone could stop him he flew down the hallway and sucker punched his partner to the ground. Wufei managed to grab him around the waist and pull him away before Heero could jump on top of their friend.

"How could you? How could you let this happen to Duo? He's supposed to be safer with a team!"

Trowa looked up from the floor but did not protest. Quatre ran forward and hugged Heero, both pinning his arms and helping Wufei to keep him under control. "It's my fault!" he cried, and Heero stilled before jerking away from his blonde friend and fixing him with a glare that was all at once deadly, confused, and hurt. "He was protecting me."

Quatre didn't mention the drugs he slipped into Duo's tea for two nights to help him sleep. He was afraid of how others would react. And he certainly was not going to mention how Duo, who always nursed his tea over more than an hour, downed it all at once.

He wouldn't make any attempt to shift blame when he knew he was the only person at fault.

Trowa was aware of what happened. Quatre admitted to him how he slipped Duo drugs, telling the short story as they blazed into town with Preventers lights flashing. Trowa broke every speed limit trying to get to the hospital as soon as possible. But as he drove he relentlessly questioned Quatre, and it was under the pressure of those questions that Quatre spilled the truth.

The impromptu interrogation happened because Trowa could not conceive how Duo's assailants got such an effective jump on him in so little time. And the call from Quatre before they were attacked raised every red flag in the Preventers manual.

Duo was supposed to call. But not for that.

If things went as planned Duo would signal the team that he had company. He was nothing if not vigilant on the job, and they'd done the work to ensure anyone approaching had to come from one side of the property, both because of geography and obstacles planted. He would spot the perps, alert the team, and intercept the person or persons of interest before anyone entered the cabin. They'd timed how long it would take to reach the building. They spent an entire evening running mock invasions only a few weeks earlier, and Trowa needed to know how things went so wrong.

The plan for Duo to take care of the threat while the team surrounded the property to allow no escape was solid. They agreed to stay six minutes out because of the drills they ran. So when Trowa got Quatre's call he knew something unimaginable occurred. And all of it would have to be logged into the official record. When that happened, Heero would know Quatre's part.

But for now it seemed Trowa agreed the full story could stay between them.

With the news that Duo was protecting Quatre, the anger in Heero drained. No apologies were offered as the four friends quietly settled into waiting. Time once again dragged, and Heero felt himself sinking further into despair, living in real time the nightmares of his youth. He'd never felt more vulnerable. He'd never felt more alone or more frightened. He traveled in space, floated through that void in just a flight suit, and never felt more lost in a vast expanse of darkness than now.

He remained like that for hours, feeling his entire being threatened by unspeakable vulnerability.

When Sally emerged from closed doors everyone except Heero shot to their feet. The Japanese man was frozen in place. He swore his heart stopped beating.

She pursed her lips and her eyes darted to Wufei before she looked to the group and spoke.

"Duo lost a lot of blood but he'll pull through." Three men visibly relaxed, letting out breaths they were subconsciously holding and slouching against the nearest wall or chair. Heero remained petrified where he sat.

"It's remarkable, really. The bullet missed all of his organs, but it fractured, and a piece nicked the inferior mesenteric artery. They've repaired it and stopped his bleeding but he's still in surgery. Doctor Parekh wants to make sure there won't be further complications before closing."

Duo was alive. There was light again in Heero's world, and as he slowly allowed himself to feel that light, the tension and fear rushed out of him with such force it left him shaking and overwhelmed. His emotions were so intense he couldn't pinpoint what he was feeling. All he knew was that once again it was Duo's presence, this time by simply being alive in the world, that helped him overcome the darkness that terrorized him.

When Heero finally moved, he held his face in his hands and openly wept.