Chapter Twenty Four: New Year's Eve

Heero stared at Trowa as his partner typed from across their office. How could the man work so casually after everything that happened on the weekend? First it was the potluck where Quatre's insensitive remarks caused a storm. Then he swooped in to be a friend to Duo, which was admirable even if it made Heero jealous. Trowa really took the wind out of Heero's sails with that move.

He wanted Duo's warmth in his life. He needed that specific element Duo brought to every situation, the feeling he generated with his presence. Be it as friends or lovers, he just wanted to feel that warmth again and hold onto it.

The tension Heero felt with Trowa didn't stop there. He sent a text early in the morning asking Duo if it was okay to drop by and check on him, and Duo texted back requesting him not to come over. The reply worried Heero. He ignored Duo and drove to his place before heading to work. Heero in retrospect admitted to himself was the wrong thing to do, but in the moment he fell backwards into possessiveness and showed up anyway.

On the way to Duo's place he got a call from Quatre, who was beside himself and in a panic because Trowa never came home nor called the night before.

When Heero arrived at his destination he found Trowa's car exactly where it was parked the previous night.

All of this meant Trowa was staying with Duo in an apartment barely large enough for one and he said nothing about it to anyone thus far. Heero was livid. His distress didn't come from the belief that anything untoward happened between the two men, of that he was confident. He was upset because Trowa got to play the supportive role Heero desperately wanted to provide.

All morning they worked in silence. He couldn't take it any longer.

"You're staying at Duo's." It wasn't a question.

Trowa's typing did not falter. "For now."

Heero wanted to say he was jealous. He wanted his partner to know he was angry that the other man's presence was keeping him from being there for Duo. He wanted him to know that he was feeling edged out and replaced. But instead he held his tongue until he remembered that Trowa was not his enemy. The man sitting across from him definitely already knew how desperately Heero wished to be the one spending time with Duo. He trusted Trowa with his life. When he felt lost without Duo he could count on Trowa to ground him. Their shared history meant Heero absolutely trusted him not to purposefully stand in the way of his much needed reconciliation with the American.

He considered his options and took another approach.

"Is he okay?"

"He will be."

Rolling his chair back from his desk Heero really examined Trowa. It was then, taking in his rumpled uniform and fatigued eyes, that he realized Duo wasn't the only person hurting right now.

"Will you be okay?"

That stopped the typing. Trowa kept his eyes on his computer screen when he eventually answered "I think so." His posture revealed nothing and to Heero that was a red flag that he was trying his best to keep things together. Something definitely happened between Trowa and Quatre that Heero didn't know about.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

The question was sincere and Trowa looked up at him. The look on Heero's face showed only concern, and Trowa thought for a moment before responding.

"I appreciate the offer. I've already spoken with Duo, as our problems overlap." He looked away then. "I need time away from Quatre. Duo needs to know no one blames him for his reaction and we're not mad at him. And he's still having some trouble getting around with his injury whether he admits it or not. I think, right now, this is mutually beneficial. I'll be picking up groceries after work and making sure he eats well."

Heero nodded and fully swallowed his feelings. Two of his friends were in pain and it would be unfair to make things about himself while they needed support. He consciously took the high road. "I'm glad you can help each other. Please let me know if there's anything I can do. For either of you."

Trowa nodded, and the rest of the week went similarly to how it began. The two worked in relative silence, with Trowa obviously working through something personal and Heero never quite being let into his friend's thoughts. Quatre called often but never showed up at HQ. Heero had to mute his calls and texts during work hours to get anything accomplished, and was certain Trowa had done the same.

Though his partner hadn't mentioned anything throughout their work week, Duo confirmed Trowa was still staying with him via text message to Heero. The American never went into detail about his guest, and Heero didn't ask, though he suspected the company was wearing on Duo. They had a running text conversation that Heero was certain provided some relief for Duo as the week wore on and it became clear Trowa was unraveling.

He wished his partner would open up to him.

The thought actually made Heero laugh at his desk, and he was glad Trowa was at a meeting with Une. How would he explain his outburst? How could he explain that he found it funny he'd grown into a person who wanted his friends to express themselves to him without sounding corny?

Friday was New Year's Eve and Trowa was finally heading back home to deal with his relationship problems. He told Heero he didn't want to start the new year fighting and apart from Quatre, but rather start it the way Duo suggested: fighting and together. Near the end of office hours he gave Heero a nudge and told him his duffel was already packed and in his car. He'd be going straight home from work, and Duo would be alone. Without plans.

Though he'd maintained casual contact with Duo over the past week via their text thread the idea of bringing up plans for New Year's Eve terrified him. If they spent the evening together it wouldn't be their first time ringing in a new year in each other's company. He was nervous nonetheless.

Trowa did not miss Heero's reaction when he hinted the Japanese man take the opportunity to see their friend. "You should just do it already."

Heero frowned. "Do what?"

"Invite yourself over. You've been dying to see him since Sunday night and I've been in your way."

Panic flashed in Heero's eyes again and Trowa wondered how such a confident man could be so insecure.

When it was clear Heero would not be responding a demure smile crossed Trowa's face and he made sure to get Heero to look him in the eyes before he spoke next. "I don't mean to overstep my bounds but for what it's worth Duo does want to see you. He looked relieved and happy when you texted Sunday night. And I know you've been texting. It's obvious. He checks his phone and his eyes light up in a way they only do with you. You did text him nearly all evening on Monday, right? He was glued to his phone."

The room abruptly felt warm and Heero, a little embarrassed and flustered, cut eye contact with Trowa and shuffled some papers on his desk. "Yeah. I did."

As Trowa and Heero said goodbye in the parking lot later he realized that the way things were going he and Duo would either each stay home texting each other all night or they could be in the same room and actually talk. Howard's words came back to him as he approached his car. If he rejects you then you deserve it.

Perhaps it was time to be brave and take action. He was a former soldier, after all. In a moment of fearlessness, assisted by Trowa's remarks about Duo's joy when he received his texts, he whipped out his phone and sent one more message before opening the driver's door.

Are you tired of company yet?

It instantly registered as read and soon he saw that Duo was typing back. Then he stopped. And continued. And stopped. Maybe his fearlessness was foolishness. He wondered if he should just head home and forget his mistakes. Only when he got into his vehicle and turned on the engine did his phone vibrate.

Yes. But I'm not tired of you. Yet.

Heero wasn't sure it was medically possible but he thought he felt his heart flutter. He was certain if anyone could see him he was blushing. He turned off the engine.

Would it be okay if I came by?

Once again Duo started and stopped typing several times before answering.

No. I'm a little tired of too many people at my place. Send me your address?

In that moment Heero wasn't sure there was anything in the world that could make him happier than Duo's response. He felt invigorated as he texted back. Duo would be coming to his place. That was good because he had home turf advantage. And a television. If Duo still liked an evening staying in and watching a movie, his apartment was much better suited for that. His mind drifted to sharing a blanket and cuddling underneath it. His skin shivered at the thought of feather light touches and…

He shook his head. He shouldn't expect anything. They still hadn't spent time alone other than earlier in the week when Duo basked in the snowfall looking extremely attractive. He shook his head more vigorously and cleared his thoughts. Now was not the time to get turned on. Looking to his phone he hadn't even seen the last reply from Duo.

I'll see you at 20:00.

He was glad to have spare time to straighten up his apartment, even though he knew nothing was out of place that couldn't be picked up in 3 minutes.

When Duo arrived seventeen minutes late, laughing at himself for having a hard time with the walk after parking several blocks away, Heero felt like an asshole. He should've offered to give him a lift or called the front desk of his building to get a temporary parking pass. "I didn't wanna rely on calling a car later, and I can't really use my bike right now" Duo said. But it did nothing to make Heero feel less lousy as he took the extra large hoodie his guest used as a coat and insisted he rest on the couch.

Duo carefully took a seat and cracked another joke about how all he did these days was find new locations to sit. Heero made his way into the living room to get a good look at Duo. He was flushed from the strain of his walk, or perhaps from the cold outside. When he sat he flung his long braid casually over the back of Heero's sofa in a gesture that signaled he didn't feel completely uncomfortable in the apartment. The action meant a lot to Heero. When he saw that long braid get tossed behind Duo it felt like an olive branch was extended and he had to suppress a grin.

It was good to see Duo looking both comfortable and well. He could feel that warmth he craved. It was even better to realize he was wearing a red turtleneck that both gave him a bit more color in his complexion and brought to mind bittersweet memories of the Eve Wars. Was that already over ten years ago?

"What're you looking at?"

Finally smiling, Heero answered "you" and Duo averted his gaze, looking around the apartment in a half-hearted bid to hide his embarrassment. It gave Heero renewed energy. "Have you eaten? Or would you like anything to drink?"

"Can you just sit with me for now?" The request was so silent Heero almost didn't hear it. Duo looked vulnerable and shy right then and Heero couldn't possibly deny him. Taking a seat on the other end of the sofa, his body sideways and turned towards Duo, he patiently waited for whatever the American wanted to say. He couldn't help the gentile smile that crept onto his face as Duo lost his nerve and started rambling without really turning to look at him.

"Wufei contacted me the other day. He felt pretty awkward about how the potluck turned out and told me he thought I needed some space before he groveled at my feet. Said he never meant for things to go down like that but how could he have even planned that if he wanted? Sometimes I think he worries too much about things he can't control."

"Duo."

"Yeah?"

"You think Wufei felt as awkward then as you do now?"

Caught red handed. That's what Duo looked like in that moment. He froze, realizing there was no fooling Heero, and slowly leveraged himself, using his arms to deadlift lift his body so that his back was to the corner of the sofa. He sat askew facing Heero. His nervous energy was at once exciting and worrisome.

"You got me there" he mumbled before finding his voice. "Listen, 'Ro. I uh. I've been thinkin. About the other day, out in the snow. You told me something and those words have stuck in my head. I keep wondering if you meant them and—"

"Yes."

Duo looked at him curiously. "Heero I haven't even told you which words yet."

The Japanese man scooted a little closer, their knees almost touching but their distance still far enough to keep things comfortable. One corner of his lips quirked upward as he declared "I don't need to know which words. I meant everything I said to you that day."

As violet eyes drifted and Duo turned his head away in thought Heero edged closer. Eventually he brought a hand up to Duo's face and turned those eyes back to him. They were close now. Enough that one good lean would have them in each other's arms. When Heero whispered "I've really missed you" he caught Duo's eyes darting to his lips. As those eyes fixed on his again Heero thought he might just die on the spot.

With a little tilt of his head Duo whispered back "You already said that."

Heero reached up to run his hand through Duo's hair, brushing his bangs away from his face and tucking them behind his ear. Duo almost purred, but instead managed just enough self control to keep his gaze fixed on Heero. They stayed like that for a moment, quietly lost in each other. When Heero began to lean forward Duo surprised him by saying "This time I can accommodate whatever you want."

Pausing in his advance Heero smiled. It held a playful and predatory glint Duo knew well. "Really?"

He was met with a grin that said I know something you don't know as Duo leaned a little bit backwards and clarified "that's what you told me, yes? The words you definitely meant the other day."

Heero froze, uncertain where this was going. "Yes. That's right."

"Great. You can start by accommodating my stomach, I'm hungry. I want pizza and we're generously tipping for delivery. Like a 200% tip, got it? It's cold and it's a holiday and whoever delivers us food deserves recognition for good hard work. And while we wait I want a mug of cocoa and a blanket so I can get comfortable. We're gonna watch that Korean action flick that came out last month and if you can't stream it we'll just get a copy the old fashioned way by subverting legal means."

Stunned, Heero didn't react until Duo's list of demands was finished and then, after just a second or two of staring blankly at the American, Heero chuckled and pulled himself up off the sofa. "Okay, Duo. Whatever you want." As he made his way into the open kitchen he stole a glance over his shoulder to see Duo beaming at him. Soon his guest scurried up to the kitchen island, leaning his weight on it while he watched Heero gather supplies to make hot cocoa.

This was the kind of moment with Duo he desperately missed. The quaint domestic scene with him working in the kitchen as wide eyes watched and filled his world with warmth. They ordered pizza on Heero's phone as Duo's movie got queued up. Heero left to retrieve the requested blanket from his bedroom, conveniently forgetting about the smaller single blanket folded and waiting in his bookcase just to the left of the sofa. The blanket from his bed would accommodate two. He suspected they wouldn't snuggle together, but with the larger blanket they could share another kind of warmth.

He and Duo spent the evening watching movies, criticizing action scenes as they joked about a lack of realism, and calling it a night just past 1:00 when Duo declared with a yawn that he needed to go home. They argued playfully about how Heero did not need to walk Duo all the way out of the building, with Heero giving in as Duo sent him a pleading look to simply let him go at the apartment door. And they said goodnight and happy new year, with Duo glancing over his shoulder as he walked down the hall before turning towards the elevators. Heero savored his image right until he disappeared around a corner.

When he finally turned back into his apartment, Heero shut the door. The energy in him instantly faded as he saw his home without Duo. It never before felt so empty.

All of the warmth Duo brought was gone, leaving Heero immeasurably cold.