Note: I'm trying to keep the update schedule while on vacation, and this time I wasn't able to proof read as well as previous weeks and changed a lot at the last minute. Apologies if I later find something that requires edits.

Chapter Twenty Five: Old Habits

Duo felt terrible. Just as he was starting to experience the excitement of possibilities fueled by the slow healing of his longstanding heartbreak, Trowa was collapsing in on himself. It didn't seem fair.

It wasn't fair when Trowa arrived at his home, miserable and looking for support. To be trusted by Trowa when the man was so vulnerable meant the world to Duo, but while he tried his best to be a good friend he hated having to hide how happy he was to begin reconnecting with Heero. Displaying any joy felt like flaunting.

And it wasn't fair when Trowa moved back home, still unable to reconcile with Quatre but now stuck under the same roof. It left Duo wondering if he was a bad friend and if he only suggested Trowa leave out of selfishness.

When he was honest with himself, he admitted that his motivations were split. Encouraging Trowa to go home was a tactical move born from the genuine want for his friend to achieve happiness again as well as a selfish desire to work out his feelings for Heero on his own. New Year's Eve was a wonderful break and a step forward. He was relieved to have his home back to himself.

That breath of fresh air was immediately soured by news of Trowa's difficult evening. Duo spent a large amount of New Year's Day listening to his friend's troubles and counseling him.

Whatever hope he had for his heartbreak to heal, Trowa's predicament whisked it away. Between remote work and supporting a friend in crisis Duo didn't have time to see Heero. More importantly, he didn't have time to work out what that new hope sparked by tamales, a few moments in the snow, and a comfortable New Year's Eve meant to him.

All Duo wanted was to feel that hope.

He wanted the elation of a new beginning. He was afraid of just how much he wanted Heero to prove he was different now and could handle an actual, mutually loving relationship. He refused to admit how much he wanted to feel loved.

But one thing he was ready to admit without a shadow of doubt was how tired he was of feeling heartbreak.

Eventually the tension between Trowa and Quatre would ease, but for the foreseeable future all of his own happiness would only bring guilt and doubt as he watched his friend fall apart. Questioning if he deserved to feel happy when Trowa was miserable weighed heavily on him.

For Heero, the situation was entirely different.

As Trowa's work began to suffer his partner was channeling an almost manic energy into all of his tasks at Preventers. It kept Une pleased with their productivity and their collaborative work on schedule. Wufei would stop by from time to time and take Trowa to lunch so they could either have hushed conversations working out Trowa's relationship problems or simply get his mind off Quatre. They only brought Heero with them occasionally. He was too lost in his own happiness and neither wanted to disrupt or put up with the Japanese man's good mood. His joy was, after all, a long time in the making.

Heero was self aware enough to feel badly watching his friend struggle with heartache at the same time he finally felt love was a possibility for himself. He wondered if happiness, like energy, could not be created or destroyed but instead just changed its form. If that was the case then his good fortune was at the cost of Trowa's misery. He tried not to think too hard about that. It was ridiculous.

Duo came to take Trowa and only Trowa to lunch one afternoon. The American made no effort to set aside time for lunch with Heero and it hurt. But he knew from their texts how much Duo felt like an accessory to Trowa's melancholy. Though he readily admitted the problem was one Quatre caused through his own behavior, the American hated how every event causing Trowa to re-examine his relationship with the man he loved circled back to him.

One day, not long before he showed up to take Trowa out, Duo told Heero in a short phone call "If not for me they'd be happy. If I just stayed away Quatre never would've been such an asshole and Trowa would still have his happily ever after."

The words stung. Duo was so focused on how his presence might hurt some people he never for a moment considered how much his presence enriched other people's lives. Heero wanted to help him see the value he brought to the table. He wanted Duo to feel so important and loved that he couldn't possibly consider his presence a detriment again. The problem was how to get the message across.

As his mind drifted into thoughts of how to prove Duo's importance to him the phone in his pocket vibrated.

Are you free? I'm wrapping up with Une soon. Got a few minutes.

Looking across the room to Trowa Heero quickly booked a conference room on the other end of his floor and texted the room number. It wasn't every day Duo showed up at Preventers Headquarters and there was no way Heero would let this opportunity to see him go to waste. They'd been texting frequently and calling almost daily, but their meetings were irregular. Since the new year he met Duo for a basketball game at a court near work twice and checked out an outdoor farmer's market once… all very public meetings that provided no real time with just the two of them. Heero was eager to spend even five minutes together. More importantly, he wanted to spend them together and alone.

Dismissing himself from Trowa's company under the pretense of grabbing a refreshment from the lounge, Heero kept a low profile and made his way to the conference room early. For weeks now he and Duo appeared to be getting closer. Duo seemed to be feeling comfortable with him again. He was even laughing again. It killed him how they'd been so precariously close to kissing in the snow and at new years. It felt like high time to cross that threshold and take a first tentative step into reconciling as a couple. It was all Heero thought about in his free time. It was what he fantasized about in his free time, too.

In a few short minutes Duo slipped into the room and quietly shut the door behind himself. Before he turned to face Heero he quickly removed his baseball cap and pulled out his braid. If he was to see Heero he wanted to see him as Duo and not Mateo.

Heero watched quietly, smiling when Duo turned to him and their eyes met. The long haired man stayed by the door and in a few short strides Heero was standing before him an arm's length away with an intense look in his eyes. "You're late."

Duo's lips quirked into a lopsided grin. "I never set a time."

"Did Une keep you?"

"Nah. I swung by Wufei's office. He's helping me out with something. Wanted to thank him."

"It's good to see you in person."

Duo tried to hide a smile but failed miserably. "If your schedule was a little less predictable we could easily grab lunch sometime."

A rich laugh filled the room and Duo didn't even try to hide his delight in Heero's reaction. "I think maybe the conflict comes from your erratic schedule, Duo. You're never even free for lunch."

"I was hoping maybe you'd spend your lunch breaks with Trowa instead of me." Duo's smile faltered as he mentioned their friend and Heero ached to bring the previous joy back to his face. "How's he doing? Still sleeping in a guest room and not with Winner? We're more than a full week into the year..."

Discussing the messy love life of his friends was the last thing Heero wanted to be doing with the limited time he had with Duo. "Does it really matter right now?"

Duo didn't seem to follow Heero. "Of course it does! Trowa's miserable and he doesn't deserve to be! It's not like you to not care!"

Heero couldn't help but smile. "Duo. I meant right now, as in this very second. I wasn't dismissing my friend's feelings outright."

"Oh. Yeah, that uh. That sounds a lot more like you."

He took a step forward to narrow the gap between them and declared "They're adults. They can figure it out on their own without interference from us."

A quizzical look from Duo was ignored as Heero leaned forward, one hand snaking behind Duo's back as another caressed his cheek. The American made no objection to their new proximity. When their noses almost touched and their breath mixed Heero whispered in a low and sultry voice "I've really missed you."

Duo's heart was pounding in his chest. If someone asked him if Heero could be smooth he would have easily replied "yes" because there was no way he would forget that particular detail about the man. But emotionally he was unprepared to be on the receiving end of that specific iteration of Heero's voice coupled with those half lidded cobalt eyes. The allure of Heero's lips and the warmth he felt as his breath escaped from them sent Duo's senses straight out an airlock and into oblivion.

"You've said that already." When the words left his lips Duo was mortified by their shakiness.

Heero leaned ever so slightly closer and Duo found his right hand automatically slipping behind Heero's neck and up into that short and untamed hair. It was muscle memory, and the dark silky strands were as soft as he remembered. If time travel existed this was it. The warm pressure of Heero's muscular body leaning into him, the faint scent of his shampoo and those strong arms wrapped around him sent him backwards to better times. They were incredibly close. Just a slight tilt of the head and Duo would be lost for good in the familiar taste that was Heero Yuy. It was perfect.

It was perfect until Heero actually began to close their distance and Duo suddenly pulled away with a gasp only to find his back against the conference room door and the distance between them not particularly improved. "I'm sorry, I can't do this."

The look on Duo's face made Heero want to weep. He took a small step backwards and released him from his arms. Did he misread Duo? Did he misread everything?

"Okay."

"I just can't." Duo's words were pained and he broke eye contact, looking to the ground and stepping to the side, away from the door and Heero. "It's too soon. I mean it's not soon but. It's just I don't wanna fall back into how things were, ya know? I mean—" he closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "I mean I kind of do. I think about it a lot. But then it'll only be bad again and—"

His words stopped as Heero's hands came up to frame his face, turning him so their eyes locked again. In a gentle and calming tone Heero explained "it's okay. You're worth it. I can wait as long as you need." He rubbed the pad of a thumb across Duo's cheekbone and it was so intimate Duo thought his heart might stop. "You know where I am when it comes to us. And only you know what you need to get there, too. So you set the pace." Duo's breath hitched when Heero's thumb slid off his cheek and his hand became buried in chestnut locks. "I'll wait for your command."

It wasn't every day Heero Yuy willingly relinquished his power and Duo felt the weight of that as he was soon fully released from Heero's grasp. He felt something unfamiliar in his chest as Heero smiled sweetly at him and nodded once to confirm the message was received. And he felt something very familiar in his chest when Heero stepped around him, opened the door, and quietly walked away.

Duo's heartbreak was back. But this time he'd done it to himself.