Chapter Twenty Eight: Plans

Wufei and Sally were stirring up trouble again, inquiring about Duo and Heero's rekindling friendship and getting visibly frustrated when they determined things were not advancing as hoped. At home they planned ways to get their two friends some time alone. They both knew very well how much Heero wanted to prove to Duo he was capable of a relationship because Sally spoke to him several times about that very subject after she and Wufei cornered him at the holiday party. Heero opened up about the end of his relationship with Duo and the fears that ruined what he called "the best thing in his life."

The abbreviated version that poured out of Duo was certainly just one side of the story, and the longer Duo remained unaware of the bigger picture the longer things would remain difficult and awkward between the two. Heero admitted he was at fault. He took responsibility so quickly Sally momentarily wondered if he really was himself.

Many people looked at Heero as a man incapable of adjusting to civilian life, but those people projected themselves onto him or overly simplified him into a soldier instead of a man. Duo saw the man first. When the other Gundam pilots still viewed him as cold and indifferent Duo was able to see a young man with immense capacity to love others. Once, after the Eve Wars, Sally casually and rhetorically asked if Heero would be able to survive without a war to fight. She would never forget how Duo fixed her with a strange look and told her that Heero fought because he cared so much about others. He made it clear that Heero sacrificed himself to gift others the chance to have happy and peaceful lives, and that he came back to fight a second time because life is precious to him. Then Duo said the words that made Sally re-evaluate her opinion of the Japanese man. "No one who values life that much needs a war to survive."

It turned out that Duo was right. Heero proved repeatedly over the years that he valued life above all else, from his motivation in joining the Preventers, to how he conducted his missions, and the kindness he showed children and strangers. Though he was a private man with a small social circle, when someone he cared about needed a friend Heero showed up.

He always showed up.

Sally wanted to be a friend who showed up for Heero, and that was how she found herself sitting up in bed with her reading light on, ignoring the book in her hands, and replaying the talk she had with him after Duo disappeared at the holiday party.

When Sally looked at him, it was clear how uncomfortable and nervous Heero was. His willingness to proceed in spite of that spoke volumes to her, even as he failed to meet her eyes. She glared at Wufei and he got the message and backed away, standing watch at the door. Heero began again when she gave his hand a light squeeze.

"It wasn't that I had doubts about my feelings. I knew I loved him. There was no mistaking it. And it wasn't just about attraction. It was about wanting him in my life. It was about how I felt when we were together. It was about happiness. Never did I once think I deserved or would experience that kind of happiness."

When he stalled she asked "is that why you pulled away from him? Thinking you didn't deserve to be happy?"

He shook his head. She watched silently as his hands came together and he began to pick at the cuffs of his well starched shirt sleeves. His head sunk further.

"I'll always have arguments for both sides of that, Sally. No. That wasn't why." He looked up and their eyes met. She could feel the pull of his desperation. It would be easy to fall into those sad and wild eyes. "I distanced myself because I didn't know myself yet."

His eyebrows furrowed slightly, and he seemed to have something stuck in his throat. He looked away again, subtly biting his lower lip. "At first I kept our relationship a secret because I needed that separation. I didn't know how to be with him when we were with others. At the time I thought it made logical sense. I thought in order to figure out myself I needed to separate my life with him from my life without him." He found the courage to look at her once more and she could see the conviction in his eyes.

"Sally. It took me almost two years after he left to realize that what I was lacking was my own identity. I couldn't find that while with him because it was just too easy to fall into us rather than him and me." His tone took on the desperation that was in his eyes moments before. "Don't get me wrong. Duo isn't at fault here. From the start, even back in the first war, he encouraged me to find out what I liked and who I was. But I wasn't strong enough to do that when he was right there beside me. Learning who I am, finding my own joys… that was difficult. It took work. And when Duo was near I ran from that work and fell into the ease of how he made me feel."

He ran a hand through his hair, starting at the front and gliding it all the way to the base of his neck. He held his hand there, with his elbow out, as he declared "I've never been an expert on relationships but even I knew it couldn't be healthy to allow someone else to dictate all of my happiness. I avoided confronting that by living two lives while with him. And when he wanted to combine those two existences I could no longer deny my own emptiness. I panicked. And I ruined and lost everything."

From Wufei's side of the bed she heard a request that took her out of her memory. "Sally, go to sleep. It's late." She smiled softly. When she stayed awake well past a reasonable bedtime he always gently reminded her of the hour. For a few minutes she didn't move, and then her internal thoughts found their way out into the room.

"I was thinking about what Heero said at the holiday party."

Wufei grunted from his side of the bed, halfway asleep.

"They really are similar."

Not masking his annoyance or exhaustion Wufei asked "Who?" without opening his eyes or lifting his head off his pillow. Sally was unfazed.

"Duo and Heero."

Grumbling something about how they both had an early morning, Wufei shifted and buried his face in the soft fluff of their bedding.

"It's just that Duo never knew his place, right? He knew who he was, he just didn't know where he belonged. That strong sense of self is what made him a driving force in their relationship in the before times."

Wufei cracked open an eye. "The before times?"

"The before times."

He raised his one visible eyebrow. "We're calling it the before times?"

"Yes."

Sighing, Wufei pulled himself upright with effort and sat cross legged in bed, facing Sally. "Okay. You got my attention. Now tell me what's on your mind so we can both get some sleep."

She gave him a weary and thankful smile.

"In the before times Duo knew who he was and what he wanted. I don't think he pushed for it all the time, he wasn't overly confident in asking for it, but he knew. He had a clear path he wanted to travel, while Heero had no idea who he was. Heero allowed himself not to grow for as long as possible and when confronted with actual growth he ran off. Yes, it was a mistake to do it the way he did, but the results for him are undeniably positive. He did manage to discover who he is as an individual, separate from Duo. He's better for it."

"So you're saying it's a good thing they broke up."

"Well…" she hesitated. "Yes, kind of."

Wufei paused at that, not expecting her answer. When he continued it was in a neutral tone. "And you want to back off on trying to get them together. No more pot lucks, and cancel that brunch you've been quietly plotting?"

She elbowed him lightly. "You call every brunch I plan a plot like it's some nefarious event."

He leaned towards her to whisper into her ear "That's because I've learned all of your brunches are part of a mastermind scheme."

Sally smiled and turned to give him a quick kiss. "You know me so well."

"I do. That's why I know you're still troubled about something."

She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. In response, Wufei raised it to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. There were few things she loved more than when he did this. He was so tender, so sweet to her that all she felt was love.

"What bothers me is that I just realized what we're watching is a role reversal. Heero did something miraculous, and grew into himself. He found who is he, and knows where he wants to be. But Duo's lost now. And until he figures out where he wants to be, that place can't be together."

Wufei's smile was brilliant. "I love when you're slow on the uptake."

She carefully took her hand back. "What?"

"It's rare that you're a step behind me, so allow me to enjoy when it happens."

She eyed him suspiciously, her features softening when she came to a conclusion. "It's you who's been planning something!"

"Let's just say that Maxwell and I have been talking, and I'm gently steering him towards allowing himself to go for what he wants."

Sally grinned and lightly shoved him in the chest. Wufei took the opportunity to fall backwards in their bed, pulling her on top of him. She yelped in surprise, then gave him a long kiss, breaking it only when she smiled and declared "you sly fox."

He brought his hands up to cup her face. "I'm just being a good friend. That's all he desperately needs."

"I love you."

"I'm aware. Now is your mind clear enough to sleep?"

She ran a hand from his stomach up to his chest and cocked her head to the side. "You sure you want to sleep?"

He smiled, his hands slinking down to her sides. "I'm open to your ideas."

Hours later, when Sally clutched a thermos of coffee like it breathed life into her during rounds, her only regret was not settling on a plan to deal with the Heero and Duo situation the night before. She pushed it out of her mind while the PA spoke with her. She forgot about it entirely while rushing to respond to her first emergency page of the day. And in a momentary break between patients she vaguely wondered how Wufei managed to so thoroughly deflect her from her goals the previous night.

By the time her shift ended it was late and she needed a distraction from her day. Before she left the building her mind went back to helping her friends. At minimum the line of thought would stop her from thinking about the young woman she could not help, who she was sure would die shortly and painfully from an illness out of anyone's control. And Sally would be there for most of it, as she was scheduled to work the next 10 days.

At least she had a shot at helping her friends.

When she got home Wufei was finishing cooking. She talked a lot during their meal, and it took Wufei a couple of minutes to realize she was focusing on their friends again as a means of coping with some part of her day she didn't want to address at the moment. He understood what that was like, and indulged her to show support.

"Heero said in retrospect he should have seen the signs of problems earlier. Duo's unhappiness came to a head slowly and he didn't even notice until he was asked one day if it was okay to move their relationship into their regular lives. Stop being so secretive, you know? Being young and without real guidance Heero didn't take the request well."

Wufei took a sip of water and watched her. He hated seeing her like this, but was grateful to be allowed to stay by her side. She used to push him away when her day overwhelmed her. Instead she took to staying nearby and finding something, anything to keep her mind busy.

"First he denied having heard Duo when he tentatively asked for more, yeah? He knew that was a dick move but taking the easy route bought him time to figure things out. He even thought maybe it would be the last time Duo asked."

Wufei chimed in "But it wasn't."

"Right!"

Sally got more intense as she spoke, but Wufei could see the haunted look in her eyes easing up the more she lead him through her thoughts. "And Heero's not always bright. He ignored the hurt he caused hoping it would go away." She took a bite of her food, and spoke with her mouth half full. It made Wufei smile.

"Duo gradually built the nerve to ask again a few months later and that baka Heero couldn't pretend he didn't hear this time."

"Why's that?"

She smiled. He could see her coming back to him in that smile. "Because he was blindsided by the request after Duo pinned him to a wall and kissed him senseless." She said the words like she was divulging the biggest gossip, and Wufei chuckled.

"If nothing else Duo sure knows how to get someone's undivided attention."

She nodded, the hardest parts of her day slowly shedding their weight on her heart. "Yes, but your idiot friend still avoided answering, and the next time he did the same thing Duo left."

"My friend?"

"Our friend."

"How come they're always mine when they're in trouble?"

She smiled again and to Wufei it was beautiful. The rest of their meal passed with idle chitchat and plans for the remainder of the week.

What Sally didn't say was how when she asked if Heero had ever told Duo that he was afraid of losing his individuality if they were a couple, he shot her a look so full of regret it made her want to hug him. None of his actions in the past considered how keeping the status quo damaged Duo's self worth. And at the end, when Duo made a third request, scared, angry, and up front… Heero bailed. By the time he realized what a fool he was Duo's apartment was on the market to lease again. And he told no one where he'd gone.

Knowing this, it was important to her to give Heero the chance to show Duo how he'd grown. He deserved the chance to do that.

With Duo gone Heero spiraled for months before throwing himself into being a better friend. He started showing up to everything. He kept in regular contact. And all the while he always looked for Duo. Heero would watch Trowa and Quatre with envy, his eyes clearly taking mental notes on how they balanced coupledom with individuality. He outright asked Wufei and Sally how they managed to be tied at the hip and also easily say goodbye and go off to do their own hobbies or spend time with their own friends.

At the time Sally thought Heero was feeling lonely and maybe a little emotional. She didn't realize he was taking these cues and applying them in his mind to a relationship he lost. In retrospect it would explain the haunted look he sometimes carried.

For the last few months that haunted look was replaced with tentative hope and Sally didn't want that to go away. Wufei also wanted his friends happy, and they were certain that happiness could be found with a real reconciliation. As much as they wanted their friends to find contentment as a couple it was more important to them to see the strong friendship between Duo and Heero reconciled.

It was slow torture watching Duo be understandably scared to let Heero back into his life. Every passing day they just wanted to push the two of them along.

So when Heero didn't show up to work for two days Sally and Wufei noticed. After cornering Une for more information they were elated to discover an opportunity before them. Maybe without any grand scheme they really could push things along and bring their friends together.

With two carefully timed and casually dropped hints to Duo, they waited for the bait to be taken and arranged an evening of wine, cuddles, and a movie to celebrate their collective genius. They toasted "to our idiot friends" and agreed to share any information passed along by Duo and Heero later in the week.