Chapter Thirty One: Fire
"What's that? I've always seen you wear a chain but I've never seen what was on it."
Quatre was trying. After Trowa left Duo's and returned for new year they spent weeks in separate bedrooms as they navigated how to move forward. It was during that long transition period Quatre discovered just what kind of person Duo was.
When Trowa took a duffel bag and left his estate in the middle of a snowstorm Quatre was beside himself. He blamed Duo for ruining his relationship because it was easier than taking responsibility for his own behavior. He called and texted and emailed for days but Trowa never once responded. And then out of the blue, on new year's eve, the door opened and the man he loved walked back into their home holding the very bag he'd taken with him five days before. One look from Trowa told him it was not the time to fight or plead for the taller man to forgive him, so Quatre just watched as Trowa placed down his bag and removed his coat and scarf. He then said, with all the love he had inside himself desperate to burst through, "welcome home."
They did not spend the evening together. But they did spend it under the same roof.
What hurt Quatre most was the silence. Trowa was always on the quiet side but he was never without words to express his love. Silence caused him to fret that maybe the love once shared between them was gone. He felt alone, afraid to reach out to his friends who were undoubtedly mad at him still. At one point he even wondered if this was how Duo felt for so many years but he shook off that notion in an effort to prevent feeling compassion for the person he still blamed for ruining his happy life.
And then Heero called to check on him mid week.
Trowa is my partner, and you've been a real asshole to Duo. But even if you're having trouble with them, or you're behaving like a little shit, I'm not going to immediately abandon you. You're still my friend. How are you holding up, Quatre?
Even with Heero's pointedly cold tone he wept at those words.
The following day Wufei called and took him to lunch. Both of his friends towed the same line when it came to their advice. Talk to Trowa. Communicate. Spend some time self-reflecting to figure out where his negative feelings were coming from, especially towards Duo but also towards the braided man's disadvantages. Stop being a moron and shape the fuck up before losing everyone in his life.
For as tense as things were after the cursed potluck, his friends didn't hate him. But neither Heero nor Wufei held back how disappointed they were in Quatre. And it was that disappointment which circled back into Quatre's mind to haunt him. He was always the friend who guided others while they were in trouble and now he was the one needing guidance. He was the root of everyone's problems, not the solution.
Disappointment was painful to deal with, and when Trowa confirmed he was also disappointed rather than angry it left Quatre with a burning desire to do the work to make things right. Trowa did not hold back when he spoke.
The person I saw lashing out at Duo simply doesn't make sense to me. I fell in love with a man whose big heart often makes him care too much. When that same man provoked his own friend, to I can only assume purposefully hurt him, it made me question everything. I began to wonder if I really knew who you were. The cruel bastard standing in front of me was not the Quatre I know.
They spent weeks talking in depth on an off as they slowly built back to stable ground. Trowa moved into the bedroom they previously shared for years. They did not have sex. They didn't even kiss. But they did hold each other as they slept, which somehow felt like the most intimate gesture possible.
Quatre was fully engaged in brainstorming ways to make up for his behavior. He seemed for the first time to truly want a reconciliation with Duo. Weeks of self analysis meant he finally understood the insecurities that caused him to lash out. He hated admitting any of his faults, even to himself. The persona he built of a gentlemen was not totally honest but ingrained deep within him. Without the motivation caused by the threat of losing everything he held dear, he knew he'd likely never have come to terms with his personal hypocrisy and failures.
But Quatre was unwilling to lose everything.
When they received an invitation to spend a long weekend at one of Relena's estates with the other pilots, Quatre devolved into a mess. He was consumed with anxiety over how Duo would receive him and his penance. It was clear to Trowa that Quatre was thought if Duo rejected his peace offering the others would abandon him. He took pity on Quatre and offered something unexpected.
Trowa admitted he intended to end their relationship when he walked out on that snowy night.
When he packed his bag he had no design to return, especially because the callous words that came out of Quatre's mouth that day could so easily be applied not just to Duo's childhood but to himself growing up with the mercenaries. When Quatre lashed out at Duo, critical of his past, Trowa felt a parallel and powerful blow. He left and sought Duo because they were both hurt, though in differing ways.
He'd chosen a side. And like Duo once guessed, it wasn't with Quatre.
Trowa was going to burn his bridges and let their relationship die until Duo convinced him to go home and try again. And when Quatre, in complete shock, asked how Duo managed to change Trowa's mind when he knew from experience once it was made up there was little chance of him reconsidering his decisions, Trowa paraphrased how the American explained it.
He asked me to not give up something as precious as what I have with you just because I'm seeing a new side of you. Duo said you don't know how to cope with being emotionally lost and vulnerable. That there's real vulnerability in losing a part of yourself that defines you, and in your case that defining part is your empath abilities. He said though it is unfortunate, he strips that part of you away. He said you need support. That you need to learn how to cope with losing some of that emotional control and insight into others you typically take for granted. And he said we'd all be monsters if we punished people when they most need our help simply because they need our help. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't advocating for immediately taking you back with open arms.But he emphasized that no one is perfect and none of us should be placed on a pedestal. He asked that I give you a chance to grow. Duo's… pretty wise, actually. He said if you want to find someone to grow old with, you're going to need to be open to simply growing together, too.
For years Quatre thought he was the most insightful of the Gundam pilots. He never expected to owe his future happiness to one of the others' ability to read him, and he never in a millennia would have guessed Duo would be the person to vouch for him.
After an awkward and mostly uneventful first day together at Relena's during which Quatre foolishly kept trying to do small nice things for Duo, including a poorly received attempt to give him a warm mug of tea that left Quatre mortified and Duo glaring, they found themselves seated in a living room all quietly reading or on their phones. The group planned to go skiing once Heero and Relena returned from a walk around the estate, and the down time was welcome before heading out into the cold.
That was how Quatre, awkwardly searching for common ground with Duo, found himself asking "What's that? I've always seen you wear a chain but I've never seen what was on it."
All eyes went to Quatre, though Duo's held suspicion. His distrust showed only for a second before he put down his phone and gingerly reached behind his neck to unfasten a thin chain glimmering in the light of a roaring fireplace. His face was neutral, but his friends could detect a hint of sadness behind violet eyes as he caressed the necklace for a moment, seeming to mull something over. Then he offered it to Quatre with an outstretched arm.
As he took it into his hands Quatre spoke, his voice soft and laced with confusion. "It's a cross?"
It was plain as day to Trowa and Wufei that Quatre instantly felt bad for possibly sounding judgmental, but Duo was unaffected. Trowa could see the pressure his partner was putting on himself to make up for years of misunderstandings and bad behavior. Any time he made a move and Duo was the slightest bit hesitant or less than enthusiastic it was obvious how he worried he was over-stepping. It was truly a sight to behold: Quatre not knowing how to behave and walking on eggshells around someone.
For Wufei, the interaction was interesting enough to lower the book in his hands and watch. He wanted to see where this went. Duo stayed still eyeing not the blonde but the object now in the man's hands, and he wondered if perhaps Duo was willing the cross back around his own neck.
Duo swallowed before speaking. "It's not so much a cross, but a memory. 'Sall I got left from the Maxwell church." Duo's muscles tensed though he would never let them see it. The church. It wasn't his intention to bring that up, it just slipped out. In all the years he'd known these men he'd never once mentioned the actual name of the church. He didn't want the questions that would follow so he rarely offered information about his past, and the others never knowingly asked.
His tension was short lived. Before anyone could say a word Heero and Relena entered the room to create a welcome distraction. Whatever further thoughts were brewing in Quatre's head came to a halt with the interruption and he simply ran a thumb over the plain metalwork, commenting that it was pretty. As he moved to hand it back to Duo, the cross and chain was snatched away by Relena.
"What's this piece of junk? Aren't you Muslim?" She was frowning at the necklace and making a show of examining it. "And can't you afford something nicer than this cheap trinket?" She dangled the small cross by its chain and looked at it with mild disgust. "It's even damaged. Look where it's scuffed and bent. Where did you get this? Why do you even have it?" Her eyes bore into Quatre, reminding him of how his wealth upset her when she was used to being the richest and most pampered person in a room. She always looked for an angle to make him feel less, but never succeeded.
Trowa and Wufei's eyes met, both expecting something terrible to happen. Any weekend with Duo and Relena in the same place was a ticking time bomb. Add the tension with Quatre, and it felt like the trip was wired with explosives on a time delay. The problem was no one added a countdown clock so the two men were constantly on alert.
"Please give it back, Relena. That's Duo's and I was only looking—"
"It's HIS?" her voice was raised. "MR GOD OF DEATH? With a religious symbol? Not possible!"
"Relena it's important to—"
She huffed, blowing air through her bangs. "To Duo?" she asked with derision but without a real question attached. "Whoever sold this to him is a crook. It's worthless." She didn't bother to address or acknowledge the object's owner and instead spoke only to Quatre. Trowa noticed this. She often avoided speaking directly to Duo.
"If he really wants to convert to a religion even HE can get something better than this. Even a convenience store would sell something better!" Without a second thought, she tossed the cross into the fireplace like it was nothing.
The room became alive.
A wide eyed Quatre gasped as he lunged for the fireplace tool set, grabbing tongs to pull Duo's necklace from the flames. Wufei cursed and made angry hand gestures, his book gripped in hand as he advanced on Relena. Trowa stood from his chair with the intention of helping his partner fish the necklace from the fire. As he passed Relena he made sure to walk slightly into her, pushing her aside in an aggressive but restrained display of anger. Heero was completely still. He needed a second to process what happened. Meanwhile, Relena looked wholly remorseless other than a quick flash in her eyes as Pagan's words came back to her when Trowa's arm shoved her enough to nearly lose her balance.
No one saw Duo's reaction because no one thought to glance in his direction. But they all heard his reaction.
A loud thud coupled with the cracking of glass had all heads turning towards a far wall. All four former Gundam pilots took various defensive stances and three reaches for weapons they weren't carrying. Duo was gone, and the only threat in the room was also the only evidence of his anger. Heero broke from his daze and approached the far wall to examine the scene up close. If anything he was impressed.
The evidence before him suggested that Duo pulled a bowie knife from somewhere on his person and threw it before vacating the room. His blade was protruding from a picture fame hanging on the wall, striking the smiling face of Relena Peacecraft in a group photo taken at the end of the first war. A small voice in the back of Heero's mind told him that Duo must have practiced throwing knives. If this was any indication, he might just be able to give Catherine a run for her money.
As Heero removed the knife, the frame broke free from the wall and clamored to the ground, shattering both the glass and a very tense silence.
"Clean up your mess, Relena."
Heero's command left no room for argument.