Chapter 32: Embers

When Heero went to find Duo he didn't need to check the entire estate. He knew from prior experience that Duo would retreat to a familiar and private space in order to clam down. The closest place to meeting those requirements was the bedroom assigned to him upon their arrival. It was down a long hallway from Heero's room. He knocked but immediately entered without waiting for a reply.

"Are you okay?"

Duo was laying on his back in bed, his hands behind his head and his braid snaking down to lightly touch the floor. "I'm fine now. Just been a day, ya know?"

Not quite buying that as the full story Heero approached closer and added "the cross is okay." He was surprised when Duo abruptly sat upright and swung his legs over the side of the bed to look at him. He seemed against all odds to be perfectly all right. It was unsettling.

"It's not the worst fire it's been through," Duo said with nonchalance as he adjusted his collar. "Of course it'll be okay." Upon noticing Heero's blue eyes waiting for further explanation, he couldn't tell if he was annoyed to be expected to continue or relieved that Heero cared. "It wasn't the fire that made me angry. It's just…" his mind went blank for a moment and he realized putting his feelings to words was difficult. But Heero was patient, looking intently into his eyes without judgment. There was something kind in his expression that Duo vaguely wondered about.

When did Heero Yuy get so overtly kind?

Heero felt his pulse quicken under Duo's gaze. He was all at once determined to be present for his friend and scared that maybe he didn't know the best way to handle this moment. Years of learning how to express himself taught him, through experience, how to support others. To learn that skill enriched his life, but he still had times where his confidence in his ability was shaky. So it surprised him how natural it felt when he sat next to Duo on the bed and one hand reached out, gently grasping Duo's, and he placed the cross in his palm. His hand lingered for a second to reassure him he was not alone.

Duo stayed perfectly still, staring at the small object now back in his hands. A mild warmth radiated from the metal and he wasn't sure if it was residual heat from being thrown into the fireplace or from being cupped in Heero's hand. Other than a bit of soot the cross was just fine. Duo swallowed before asking "you retrieved it for me?"

"Quatre did. When I left to come find you he ran after me and asked if I would return it for him."

"Ah."

Duo still didn't move. He continued to examine the cross and appeared in deep thought. When it seemed Duo was totally lost in a memory Heero reached for the necklace. He noticed Duo try to hide a flinch at his action, but when he didn't make a move to stop him Heero gently took the object into his hands. Without a word he unfastened the chain and slowly leaned forward to secure it around Duo's neck. The shifting of his weight on the mattress caused Duo to obviously tense but he paid that no mind. Even through his discomfort it was clear to Heero that Duo trusted him to be so close.

Heero might test boundaries, but he would not cross any lines.

Even as he behaved like a gentlemen Heero felt his heart constrict when he moved that long braid to gain better access to Duo's neck. The action brought back intimate memories of their time together. If Duo was going to panic and bolt this would be the moment. Instead the American kept very still, even as Heero used the opportunity to get dangerously near.

He was leaning forward to examine the clasp as he fastened the chain. It wasn't necessary.

They both knew Heero could have done it all by touch. But with his face so close to Duo's neck he could smell the other's shampoo and feel the heat of his skin. It took immense willpower not to lean another half inch forward and kiss Duo just below his ear and pull him close.

If there was any clear indication that type of physical attention was wanted Heero would not hesitate. But Duo already spoke up weeks ago and Heero respected his autonomy. He gave his word and that was sacred to him. Heero made many mistakes in his life and he rarely made promises, but when he did they were solid. As it was, he fastened the necklace, lingered just a moment, and leaned back to slide the pendant into place on his friend's chest.

Duo wasn't convinced the deafening sound of his heartbeat in his ears was entirely self-contained. At the very least Heero must have felt the vibration of the muscle pounding against his rib cage. He couldn't help when his eyes slipped closed as Heero leaned all the way in and practically buried his face his hair. But he did make a conscious effort not to sigh. The physical reaction he had to Heero's proximity was worrisome and threatened to undo all the work he put into not falling into old emotional habits.

It was a relief when Heero pulled away in full.

Unwilling to allow Heero any chance to turn an awkward silence into a conversation he wasn't ready to have about their relationship, Duo wasted no time talking again. "It's just that I haven't seen it surrounded by flames in a long time. Since I've had it the damn thing was always around my neck." In the back of his mind he registered pride in the steadiness of his voice at the exact moment he realized he said too much.

Heero didn't know what to make of this. Everything he'd learned about people and communication signaled that Duo was talking about something from his elusive past. But these fragments weren't enough to get a full understanding. Before he replied a voice in his head that sounded an awful lot like Trowa reminded him that you don't need to understand something to know it's important. He trusted his instincts. This was important.

"Do you want to tell me what happened before it was yours?" He watched a haunted look come over Duo's face and regretted asking. Duo simply shook his head and Heero felt terrible. "I'm sorry, Duo. You don't have to."

His heart broke seeing the anxiety clearly building in Duo. He knew any prolonged silence would be a mistake, so he broke it and asked "would you like to be left alone, or would you like company?" Heero silently hoped Duo would choose company.

He didn't expect Duo to stand up and declare "I think I need to go" as he grabbed the one or two items he previously unpacked and proceeded to put them away. In an instant he was zipping his bag and Heero jumped up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to go."

"Yeah I do. It's Lena's place and I'm not welcome here."

There was resignation in Duo's tone that told Heero he would accept no arguments to the contrary, but it didn't stop him from trying.

"What about everyone else? We want you here."

Duo frowned. "I shouldn't have come in the first place."

"Why is that?"

He was eyed critically over that question. The incredulous look Duo shot him made his skin crawl as Duo paused before saying, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I don't belong here."

Something in that delivery set Heero ablaze. "The hell you don't! You're one of us!"

Crossing his arms and relaxing his stance Duo stared at him, clearly frustrated. "I'm not sayin under other circumstances I wouldn't belong. I'm sayin I don't belong here. Lena hates me. It's her place. And though I don't blame you for any of this if you hadn't asked so nicely for me to join I never woulda accepted the invite."

Reflexively Heero replied "she doesn't hate you" and instantly knew he'd done something wrong. The frown on Duo's face deepened and there was actual rage starting to peek through his eyes.

"Just because you've always bought her bullshit" he ground out "doesn't mean it's not still shit. That girl has hated me since the day we met."

"Duo."

Both men turned to the open door to find Relena standing there looking irrevocably guilty. She had the posture of a little girl sent by her parents to apologize for behavior she knew was bad but had acted out anyway. Duo's features hardened and he grabbed the strap of his duffel and swung it over a shoulder aggressively.

"Don'tcha worry, Princess. You won't have trash like me to deal with for the rest of the weekend. No need to take inventory to make sure nothing's stolen. I'm outta here."

She winced at how he spat out "Princess" like it was a derogatory term, but she didn't step aside to let him through the door as he approached.

"I'm sorr-"

She wasn't able to finish the word before Duo placed a hand on her arm and pulled her aside. It was forceful enough to move her easily but not enough to leave a bruise. He was out the door and on his way when she gathered her wits. Heero was making his way to follow when Relena stopped him and shook her head. "This is my mess. You told me to clean it up."

He watched her take off after Duo and muttered a curse to himself. He couldn't imagine Relena making anything about this better. Why did she have to pick now to attempt to play nice?

The others were gathered in the living room speaking in hushed tones by the fireplace when Duo stormed through on his way to the front door. Silence fell between them as they watched him quickly pass and then halt just before he would disappear. He turned his head toward the three men.

"Sorry for how things turned out. I'll catch ya later." He then made eye contact with Quatre. "Thanks."

He was off again when Relena entered the room. "Wait!"

Not a second after she disappeared in Duo's direction Heero entered. Wufei raised both of his hands in a gesture that Heero knew signaled "what the fuck is going on here?" The Japanese man's feet stuck to the floor.

His shoulders sagged at the unspoken question when he answered. "Duo is determined to leave and Relena wants to smooth things over."

Trowa snorted. "That won't go well."

"No shit. But Yuy here is going to keep trying to force them to like each other."

Heero shot a small and crooked smile to Wufei. "I don't hear you pitching any ideas to make them get along."

Wufei shook his head. "Did you ever consider that nothing in the Earth Sphere will ever get your girlfriend to like your boyfriend?"

Those words hit a nerve. Heero frowned and glared at his friend. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You're not stupid, Heero. You have to know she was in love with you during the wars."

Heero turned to Trowa with a mix of shock and betrayal. Trowa didn't often openly side with Wufei against him and it was unsettling for him to do it now. "She wasn't in love with me," he spat out and paused as he watched his friends all react with varying levels of disbelief. "She wasn't! Infatuated, sure. But she didn't even know me! She couldn't have loved me." Quatre leveled him with an extremely incredulous look before he continued, "it doesn't even matter, we talked it all out. She knows I'll never have those kinds of feelings for her. We're friends!"

"Then why," Quatre asked, "does she act like a jealous girlfriend when with you?"

Once Quatre turned against him something sank inside Heero. Was he just too stupid to see something so obvious to others? Hadn't Duo just accused him of never seeing Relena's bullshit? If the others agreed this wasn't some petty fight between Duo and Relena, it must run deeper. He looked to the floor as he recalled Duo insisting Relena hated him from the day they met. There was no way to independently verify that. Heero hardly remembered anything Relena said that day after Duo showed up and shot him twice. He only remembered the sunlight against Duo's braid and that devilish grin that stole Heero's training out from under him and prevented him from shooting back.

At the time he didn't even realize what he experienced was attraction. He simply did his best to shake it off and complete his mission. Was he missing some crucial evidence?

"Heero!"

He snapped his head to Quatre, who looked like he'd tried several times to get his attention.

"She may have accepted you will only ever be friends but she's been nursing a complex over you for years."

"We're not saying you aren't friends."

"Or that you can't be friends."

"We're only saying she's stuck in the mindset of—"

"If I'm not good enough—"

"Then no one is."

"And least of all Duo."

Heero's head was spinning. Everyone saw this but him? His friends were taking turns telling him this story, finishing each other's thoughts, and he had no idea? His eyes darted between them. "How do I fix this?"

"You don't."

Trowa's face was largely unreadable but his tone wasn't accusatory. It held compassion as he continued with a sad smile, "It's up to them if they'll ever reach an understanding. You need to respect boundaries and stop trying to push them into socializing. You did that before Duo disappeared, and I think it's safe to say we all remember how miserable it made him. You can't do the same thing now, too."

The color drained from Heero's face. He looked distressed, and even after years of witnessing him learn to show emotions it still struck the others as something rare when they saw open vulnerability from him. "Fuck. Fuck! Oh shit I've really messed things up, haven't I?"

He was holding his head in his hands when Wufei assured him "today is not your fault. No one could predict that. Tomorrow will be your fault. But you'll have learned by then."

Before Heero could ask anything further they all heard footsteps. Heero dropped his hands and turned to see Duo walk back in, his bag now casually flung over a shoulder. He looked somewhat pleased with himself as he glanced at everyone without breaking his stride and remarked as though nothing was ever wrong "I'm bunking with Heero. Dropping my stuff in his room then we're skating in ten. I expect to see you all at the lake!"

As quickly as he appeared he was gone. Before Wufei could ask when plans changed to skating the clicking of heels followed him and signaled Relena's approach. She looked pale, but determined. "You'll find skates of various sizes are stored in the closet next to the back door leading to the lake." Her voice was soft and without her typical demanding tone. She sounded humbled. "You may wish to hurry. Duo is set on teaching everyone hockey, because skiing is apparently too…" she paused and began to roll her eyes before catching herself. She continued, "too supercilious, according to him. Please make haste, he'll want you all there."

When she left, four sets of eyes stared between each other wondering what they'd all missed.