Chapter 33: Just Communication

There was no time to linger on personal issues when the very next morning Duo awoke to a call before dawn ordering an urgent mission assignment.

The call woke Heero, who had finally fallen asleep after hours of lying awake, anxious about Duo sleeping on the other side of the large bed they shared for the evening. Given all the times they chose to platonically share a bed in safe houses during the wars, it should have felt natural. But everything was now complicated by all the times they shared a bed without it being platonic. He was so worried about accidentally pulling Duo close in his sleep he couldn't begin to relax.

To wake so soon left him feeling defeated.

Once he remembered what disturbed his sleep, it occurred to him to ask why Duo was suddenly out of bed and getting changed. Heero was careful, even while exhausted, not to react to the news that Duo was leaving effective immediately for a mission. Instead kept his face neutral, trying not to judge the demands of Duo's work too harshly.

But Heero dropped the neutrality and frowned when he slowly realized his effort didn't matter. Duo wasn't looking at him. Within 60 seconds of the call the braided man was out the door, telling Heero to go back to sleep. The abrupt departure left him feeling hurt.

He was unable to get any rest.

For Duo, the mission was a welcome distraction.

His current job with Une was designed to steal his focus away from his own thoughts. But the job changed somewhat in the weeks after she allowed his anonymity to be compromised. He started to suspect she was purposefully keeping him off dangerous missions and as close to the other Gundam pilots as possible. The woman knew how to silently meddle, he'd give her that.

It was a relief to grab his duffel and head to his car. The actions involved in launching a last minute mission were familiar, and lately he was craving familiarity. He would change properly at the airfield while Preventers finished prepping his flight. Time mattered most at the start of any sensitive mission, and his go-bag was always prepared with any essential weapons and clothing he might need. He kept one at home, one in his car, and one in his locker at the airfield. No matter where he was, no matter if he was out on his bike or if he'd driven to Relena's getaway in the mountains, he could switch gears in an instant and not waste time.

Duo never knew when he'd get a call like this, but they were always followed by a rush of adrenaline.

If he needed more specialized gear for his assignment it would be waiting for him on his flight at the discretion of the Preventers. He smiled thinking of the spacecraft he'd soon pilot. Une assigned him some of the best machinery available to Preventers, with cloaking technology that made him miss Deathscythe's superior build but still got the job done well enough. Piloting within the Preventers fleet gave a very different thrill from a Gundam, but he was happy making that trade if it meant no war.

He missed this part of his job. The odd call at any hour of the day or night that had him rushing to an airfield was always exhilarating. These cases were usually less planned and strategic than others and were more of an improvise as you go kind of deal, where his knack for unorthodox action proved how much value he brought to the organization and their efforts for peace.

Preventers didn't deal with petty crimes or civil disputes, and if they did Duo would have quit as soon as his laughter died out. Being from the streets he saw what needless crackdowns on addicts, the homeless, and property theft caused. He saw kids and adults shot dead by cops for "looking" like they might be trouble. He hated cops.

Duo's job was to stop crimes that impacted Earth Sphere security. Preventers didn't care to arrest drug addicts or small time dealers. They didn't harass the public. They didn't care about one person's car getting stolen, or who shoplifted what, or who tried to pass off fake credits just to get by. They arrested drug lords and worked on political corruption. They cracked down on corporate money laundering, organized crime, and big data breeches. They worked countermeasures on arms races, insurrections, and domestic and international terrorist cells.

In Duo's mind, Preventers did work that mattered.

This time was no different. Une informed him in their brief call of a break in the human trafficking case they'd been on for months. It was delicate work not only for the human element but for political issues as well. Preventers could not be seen as involved yet for reasons Duo never found to be fully justifiable. If people were in trouble, what did red tape matter?

His job was to infiltrate, get the final evidence Preventers needed to circumvent that red tape and stamp their name on this operation, and make sure the human cargo were released. He hated that the official term was "human cargo." It was demeaning in his eyes. But hopefully in short order those people would be free from their captors and released to local Preventers agents who could identify them and get them home.

The case gave him little time to dwell on recent changes in his life, but his mind did drift a little as he drove on auto pilot to the airfield. How could he not think about the hands free night he spent with Heero? The Japanese man slept as far away as possible on the other side of the large bed, like the thought of touching Duo repulsed him. It hurt.

Heero wasn't even that aloof when they were hiding out in boarding schools and safe houses together in the war. They shared much smaller beds plenty of times in the past, and while during the wars Heero wasn't overly fond of touches, he never behaved like an accidental touch while sharing close quarters would kill him. Why was he so uncomfortable with Duo's presence now?

He shook his head. He would not dwell on Heero. The job demanded full attention. Anything less and he could jeopardize the lives of innocent civilians.

By the time he left the locker room at the airfield he was dressed in solid colored, unmarked fatigues. His clothing bore no sign of his affiliation with the Preventers, right down to the type of stitching. He left his civilian clothing in a locker and approached the aircraft, spying a large mobile storage unit on his way to the ship. He knew what its presence meant, and he keyed in a code to unlock it, using what was inside to supplement his usual gear with the explosives provided by command. That was one item they didn't just leave in his aircraft. If he needed demolition gear he was allowed to select his own, per his contract.

He closed the door and nodded to the two guards on either side of the unit. They double checked it was locked before moving it back into storage. For a fleeting moment he wondered if he should contact Wufei with a courtesy call and let him know he'd be out on a mission. Duo shook off the thought. If Wufei was worried at all by his absence he'd go directly to Une. There was no need to check in. Hell, Heero would probably just tell everyone at breakfast why he'd gone.

Part of him wondered if perhaps their weekend plans would be more enjoyable without him. At the very least he knew Heero would sleep better with him gone.

On Friday Trowa watched Heero in his peripheral vision. The Japanese man was glaring at his computer screen like he wanted to murder it. He was typing with the telltale rhythm of hacking, which gave Trowa pause. He wondered at what point Heero's typing became so distinguishable to his ears. Adding Heero's behavior together only confirmed that his partner was not completing the work Une wanted by end of day and instead he was doing something of a personal nature to satisfy a curiosity. It didn't take a genius to know what was on his friend's mind. And anyone who knew him well could see he wasn't sleeping, either.

Trowa kept quiet all week, afraid to call any attention to the elephant in the room.

For another half hour Heero remained on his quest, at times showing increased frustration. Someone had to break his cycle and Trowa was holding out for Wufei to drop by their office and take on that task. Better still he hoped that Une would come by, knowing Heero would pounce on the opportunity to interrogate her. He just didn't want his partner's anger to become directed towards his side of the office. When Heero was miserable, sometimes the smartest play he could make was disengagement.

Things came to a head when Trowa finally needed Heero's part of their case work. Instead of asking about the status of the report he checked his email to further stall any interaction with his friend. That was when he saw a new email from Wufei.

Get your partner under control. The entire floor is afraid to look at him wrong. Une says he's your problem and you should have handled him days ago.

He sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. It seemed everyone at HQ was unwilling to make a move and was passing the job of damage control to him. When Heero didn't look up at the sigh, Trowa made some noise shuffling papers. No response. He cleared his throat. Still nothing. He took one of the papers off his desk, balled it up, and threw it at his friend.

The projectile bounced off Heero's hair and Trowa saw the same death glare he became accustomed to as teenagers suddenly focus on him, though there was an added layer of confusion this time. He realized the ball was in his court and he was expected to make the first move. It was usually best, in his opinion, to give Heero directives.

"Stop obsessing over him."

That earned him a grunt before Heero turned his glare back to the screen in front of him. Trowa continued, unfazed. "This isn't the first time he's been called on assignment. For years you didn't know where he was or what he was doing at any given time. Why is it so hard for you now?"

For about three seconds Heero's hands stopped typing and hovered over his keyboard. He looked to Trowa with a neutral expression but it didn't fool either of them into thinking he wasn't experiencing full on panic. "Because now I know. Because he left Relena's without even looking at me. Not even to say goodbye. And he ran as fast as he could."

"We don't know how urgent—"

"Don't make excuses, Trowa. It was a callous move and you know it."

There was nothing Trowa could really say to counter that sentiment. He agreed with Heero, who was now blankly staring at his screen, that this was much worse than how things were before. He couldn't imagine being in Heero's shoes with Quatre in Duo's place, and expressing anything other than understanding of his anxiety would ring hollow. But calming Heero was his unwanted task, and as he saw another person rush past their office door in an attempt to avoid his partner he knew he couldn't give up.

"His lack of manners aside, do you not trust Duo can complete his job safely?" When Heero flinched Trowa knew he'd hit his mark. Cobalt eyes turned to him and Trowa swore they looked guilty.

Softly, Heero replied "I trust him." He frowned and closed his laptop. "I just thought maybe he'd take another assignment now that he's not alone."

This was exactly what everyone in their friend circle anticipated. Ever since they found out what Duo did for Une they'd been waiting for this shoe to drop and no one wanted to be there when it did. Wufei, the smug bastard, would be thrilled to avoid this conversation entirely. Trowa steeled himself for the task ahead. "You expected him to change his entire life for you." It was not a question.

Heero stilled as he replied "I expected Duo not to continue throwing himself towards death."

Shifting in his chair, Trowa relaxed his posture and studied his friend. "You don't know he's doing that right now. You only know he's been on assignment and without contact for six days, which Une says is normal. You didn't even confirm he was on a longer term assignment until three days into it when you cornered her." He watched his friend become increasingly irate.

"He should have told me leaving for more than a day or two!"

"We're not his keepers."

"I could have gone with him as backup!"

There wasn't a lot for Trowa to argue against because if he was honest with himself this mission worried him, too. But it would be a tactical error to let Heero know his concern was merited. The corners of his mouth turned ever so slightly towards a frown. "Not all of his cases are violent. He works where the Preventers can't be associated. For all you know it's an extra-legal recon mission."

At those words Trowa watched his partner deflate at his desk and reach for a photo of the five pilots standing in front of their Gundams. Heero stared at it, looking lost in a memory. It wasn't easy for Trowa to see him cycle back into the despair that consumed him when Duo first disappeared all those years ago. Their reunion sparked a hope in Trowa that he'd never see Heero go through the same emotional torture again. But here they were once more.

"Listen" he began, his green eyes focused on what remained of his friend. "I know none of this is living up to the expectations you had in mind. But you of all people know that life isn't always going to play out with the story we want. Our desires don't dictate reality."

Heero put down the photo, propped his elbows onto his desk, and held his head in his hands. After a moment he spoke, his voice soft but firm. "I don't deserve this."

Treading lightly, Trowa asked "Don't deserve what?"

Raising his head, Heero's blue eyes locked onto Trowa. His face was resigned and determined. "All the back and forth. I don't deserve to be made to feel miserable. I don't deserve the crushing worry when he's gone incognito. We're not kids anymore, I've moved past this in my life."

"Heero…" uncertainty over whether or not to speak his mind caused Trowa to hesitate. The last thing he wanted to do was cause Heero more duress, but it was time to get a little tough with him. "Do you even know what you two are?" When he received only a blank stare in response he clarified "are you dating? Are you friends? Can you even be just friends after all that's happened?"

A bit of light faded in Heero's eyes but to Trowa's surprise his gaze did not break contact. "I don't have answers to any of that. I hope we can remain friends. I hope it's only hard right now because of lingering uncertainties. I just know that I can't stay in this fog. I told him I could wait for him to figure out what he wants but I think maybe I lied."

"You want answers."

"Yeah, I do."

"And you're angry because you feel helpless."

Heero didn't respond to that, because they both knew Trowa's words were not only true but also downplayed the situation. Instead he admitted "Duo needs to stop gifting me moments of affection if he intends to be just friends. I need parameters, Trowa."

"Then set them."

With a mix of a groan and a deep sigh Heero collapsed on his desk, his head resting on crossed arms. He looked utterly defeated, and it caused Trowa to feel fully out of his depth. He wanted to comfort Heero like a good friend should, but usually Quatre was the one to take initiative in cases like this. Feeling out of place he stood slowly and walked over to Heero's desk, rolling his chair behind himself and pausing only to shut and lock their office door.

Heero once told him to follow his emotions, and right now those emotions were telling him to sit beside his friend and give him a much needed hug.

With the room secure he slid his chair next to his partner and gingerly sat down, level with him, before leaning forward to place an arm around his shoulders. The touch caused Heero to still and tense. Eventually he relaxed. They stayed like that, Heero half collapsed over his desk and Trowa with an arm around him, until the Japanese man collected himself.

In the intermediary time, Trowa's mind wandered.

He thought about how strange it was that his friend could show so much of what he was feeling after they'd both started out as emotionally repressed teens. He had an out of body experience for a moment, when he felt like he was looking into the room as a third party, and he wondered if Heero knew how awkward this was for him. Was he supposed to just leave his hand on Heero's shoulder or was he supposed to pat it? Maybe rub circles? What was the correct way to comfort someone? Was it obvious to anyone who could see him how strange this felt?

He hoped his friend was none the wiser. It wouldn't be very supportive to make Heero's grief about his own feeling of awkwardness.

Deciding to keep his hand firmly on Heero's shoulder, without any additional motion, Trowa waited in silence. He kept the hand in place when Heero straightened his back and took a deep and shaky breath. He patiently waited for his friend to speak, and was glad the wait wasn't long.

Heero turned his head to glance at Trowa with wide eyes and a face reddened by embarrassment. "Why'd you lock the door?"

That was not what Trowa was expecting. He replied with some hesitancy "I, uh, didn't think you'd want just anyone walking past to see you so upset. What if you cried? You have that robotic persona to uphold."

Heero rewarded him with a smile that turned into laughter. Trowa finally let his hand slide off Heero's shaking shoulders and he joined him, laughing hard enough to bring some tears to his eyes. Their friendship ran deep, cemented by the wars and their time at Preventers. Their shared humor was at times inappropriate, but it bonded them closely. Heero's reaction confirmed he would be okay. When the two of them laughed hard at something completely insignificant and objectively not even very funny, things were definitely on the mend.

"Thanks, Trowa." Heero ran one hand through his dark hair. "I needed that."

"Well…" Trowa drew out the word as a prolonged lead-in before completing his thought "it's nothing you haven't done for me before."

A quick shift in Heero's demeanor declared his next words were to be taken very seriously. "This is true" his voice became almost commanding. "I am the superior friend in this relationship."

Trowa looked at him in mock disbelief until he saw Heero grab the crumbled ball of paper that was so carefully thrown at him minutes before, moving to toss it into the trash.

"Wait!" He reached to intercept the ball when Heero paused mid-motion at his words, "Don't throw that away I need to scan it for Une!"

They made eye contact and devolved into laughter once more.

Upon catching his breath, Heero realized was a fool who needed to talk to Duo rather than sulk and worry. So many of his problems would be solved with better communication. The solution was obvious and he couldn't believe how long he avoided it.

And maybe, if they cleared the air, he could finally get some sleep again.