Chapter 40: Home

Heero relaxed the white-knuckled grip he had on his steering wheel and looked over at Duo, passed out in the passenger seat, slumped over onto the window. He looked so tired. Bruises on his face were darkening by the minute and Heero was convinced he needed stitches. Before losing consciousness Duo managed to coerce a promise not to be driven to the hospital and to instead be taken home. "I just need sleep. We've gotten by without hospitals before." His wide and glossy eyes were almost too innocent.

How could Heero say no?

It took until a few blocks out from Duo's apartment for him to realize he didn't have Duo's keys. The city was waking and the near black of the night sky turned to a deep shade of blue. The sun would keep rising. Duo needed a place to sleep more comfortable than the passenger seat of his car, and he needed a place to monitor Duo for a concussion, regardless of his lack of presenting symptoms. There was only one good option.

When he parked and Duo did not stir he didn't have the heart to shake the man awake. Instead he subtly re-positioned him to lean less on the door, and unbuckled his seat belt. He waited for Duo to settle back down before he quietly slid out the driver's door and walked around to him. With care to be as silent as possible he opened the passenger door. Without a doubt his next actions would wake the man, but for now he would take advantage of the empty parking garage and enjoy how peaceful his baka looked, fully wiped out and on pain medication. He wanted a few seconds to drink in the image and assure himself things would be okay before, with the slightest reluctance, he leaned over and pulled Duo into his arms to carry him.

Heero was a little surprised at how heavy Duo was, but a lot of time passed since the last time he held him like this. Though the visible changes were subtle, Heero knew four years of relying only on himself for all aspects of his missions had Duo working out more. Still, the added weight wasn't a problem. Heero couldn't stop a lopsided grin from sneaking onto his face when Duo moved, and rather than fighting the embrace, slightly nuzzled Heero's shoulder with a cheek.

Duo hummed, then in a faint and sleepy voice he asked "We there yet?"

Closing the car door with his foot Heero felt warmth in his heart. He missed this sort of proximity. Duo always protested being carried unless he was physically unable to walk but Heero loved the act of holding and carrying him. Something about the gesture made him feel like he could protect the man he loved from anything, and far too often with Duo he felt viscerally helpless to protect him.

"Just a little further" he whispered and was rewarded with a contented sigh.

Actually getting into his apartment was tricky without putting Duo down, but Heero managed the task and even attempted to toe off his boots before he realized they were laced too tightly and he'd need to wear them into the apartment. He carried Duo through his living room into the bedroom, where he gently laid the braided man down. Duo immediately pulled a pillow close to cuddle into it while Heero took at seat at the edge of the mattress.

Deftly unlacing and removing both of their boots, he took a moment to really look at Duo again. It was unreal but very natural seeing him comfortable and asleep in his bed, though the cuts and deepening bruises hurt his heart. There would certainly be more swelling to come, more discoloration and pain. He reached out but stopped when his hand nearly touched Duo's face and instead pantomimed stroking his cheek and running his fingers along the bridge of his eyebrow to his temple. Actual contact would be painful, and the thought of putting Duo through more was unbearable.

There was no doubt Duo was thoroughly exhausted, and Heero was glad he made his ridiculous One Man Bomb Squad wash up in the showers at HQ and change into sweatpants and t-shirt. The clean gym clothes he kept in his locker never looked so good. More importantly it meant Duo was ready to sleep. It would be criminal to wake him in order to change and wash up now. He was just too tired coming right off a mission and into this mess. He wasn't even sure how his baka was upright when he finally saw him in Une's office.

But he didn't want to think about that right now.

It slowly crept up on him how tired he was, too. He'd only been asleep for 3 hours when his phone woke him, and the hours awake since were emotionally exhausting. Dealing with a mission on little sleep was still a viable option for Heero. He had that kind of stamina. But working on the fly under the constant fear for Duo's life knocked the wind out of him. In just a few hours he went from deliriously happy, after the kiss he'd wanted for months left him walking on air and taking a big step towards a future together, to rushing over to HQ not knowing how injured Duo was or if he'd disable "a whole lotta explosives" without killing himself.

It was extreme emotional whiplash, and that was no longer a viable option.

Standing up he made his way to his dresser and changed his clothes. He didn't bother to leave the room. Duo was completely out of it, and it wasn't like he hadn't seen his body plenty of times before. There was no need for modesty between them. He also didn't bother with a shower. At HQ Duo couldn't manage on his own, and Heero had to help him. Though he didn't take a shower himself, he stood under the water with Duo and washed blood and sweat from his long hair when Duo had a hard time lifting his arms.

Afterwards he volunteered his spare clothes to Duo, and grabbed for himself a generic set from the supply HQ provided. Before returning to Duo, he took a two more items. One was a large spare towel so he could remove as much water as possible from Duo's hair. The second was a hairdryer. He was worried about the cold outside, and forced Duo to sit down and stay in place while he blow dried his long hair.

Duo protested that part loudly, but appeared to forget his objections when he felt the warm air. He just about purred as fingers combed through his hair to detangle it to the best of their ability. Heero was beaming inside to discover that Duo still enjoyed this ritual. He rarely got to brush and dry Duo's hair, and he loved how Duo's reaction was like receiving a thorough massage. Even without an actual brush, the process was tender and the proximity very welcome. Duo briefly fell asleep once or twice, waking as his balance sitting upright shifted.

With his own clothes on and the scratchy Preventers set tossed into a hamper, he walked to the other side of the bed and grabbed the remaining pillow to take with him and crash on the floor. As he made contact with the pillow a hand reached out to grab his wrist. Startled, his eyes shifted to Duo's. Those tired violet eyes pinned him in place as an unsure voice asked "join?"

Heero's heart melted. The request was so sincere and very tempting to fulfill. He only worried that upon waking in a few hours Duo would regret the gesture, even if it was only to sleep side by side. The flash of understanding in those violet depths was all that prepared Heero for his next words.

"I sleep better with you near, 'Ro. And I really need sleep."

All of Romefeller and Oz couldn't stop Heero from crawling into the other side of his bed at that moment. He raised a light blanket over them both and settled down to watch Duo. The braided man was already asleep. Watching him and listening to the steady sound of his soft breathing eventually lulled Heero into his own restful sleep. It was the first time in years he could lay down knowing Duo was safe and not in some kind of danger. He didn't count bunking at Relena's. As far as he was concerned, he was the danger that night.

Hours later, Duo would wake first.

They'd found each other while asleep, as they had so many times before. He reveled in the feeling of warm arms around him and the rise and fall of Heero's chest as he steadily breathed. The sound of Heero's heartbeat reminded him that he was alive and that they'd somehow beaten the odds and survived everything life threw at them thus far. It was in these moments where he could actually relax. This was different from kicking back and having fun. It was different from sitting at a window with tea in hand watching thunderous clouds erupt with lightning. It was even different from spending time with friends enjoying each other's company. Those were mentally relaxing times. But this was fully relaxing. And that was… new.

Though he'd woken up in Heero's arms many times before he never woke up feeling like he did now, and Duo wondered why. It wasn't exhaustion. It wasn't how his injuries threatened to cause severe pain if he made any attempts to move, either. He'd been injured plenty of times. The only thing different was them.

Heero changed. Their relationship changed. He was always waiting for something to go wrong before, for Heero to pull away. That feeling just wasn't there anymore. For the first time ever Duo felt actually secure in their relationship.

It didn't even matter that when he opened his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming the left one was swollen almost shut. It didn't matter that Heero was probably right when he declared just hours ago that Duo needed stitches. His hair would hide the scar, anyway. And it didn't matter that his muscles all had a deep and pointed pain that let him just know he had to remain still because the pain medication wore off at least an hour ago.

What mattered was having the best night of sleep he'd experienced in years and waking up next to the one person he wanted to see in the morning.

He closed his eyes and drifted. Not to sleep, but to a state where his body responded to this rare comfort by feigning sleep and allowing him simply to enjoy the moment. This was a new experience, one he'd never felt before. He was going to enjoy it for as long as possible in spite of his injuries.

Something clicked and he gave way fully to the new feeling that he was, without any doubt, totally and fully safe. His whole life he was always on guard, always second guessing and looking for an exit. But now he was firmly rooted in place and it was wonderful. His body became heavier as his spirit became lighter. He couldn't and wouldn't move for the world. Duo felt his limbs weigh down, becoming slack as his muscles released the last of the tension they perpetually held and gravity pressed him even closer to Heero. He didn't care that it physically hurt.

His internal clock told him it was at the latest noon. After a long while of not sleeping he rarely crashed for more than six hours of deep sleep before he was up and running again. But for the first time in forever he didn't want to move. He missed sleeping with Heero next to him. He missed how aside from that awkward night at Relena's no matter how they fell asleep they always woke in a tangle of limbs. He missed the closeness. It was intimate but not sexual. The trust needed to sleep next to one another was about as intimate as it got, especially for two ex Gundam pilots who were trained through life and war not to let their guards down, ever. This trust was real intimacy.

And that's when it happened.

A slight intake of extra air from the chest underneath him. A speeding of that soothing heartbeat and Heero was awake. Duo did not move. He simply hoped Heero would stay where he was for now. He willed Heero not to be too eager to separate.

With a stilling of the rise and fall of Heero's chest Duo knew the other man was holding his breath and he worried it was an involuntary reaction as Heero calculated how to disentangle them and make an escape. Instead, after an eternal few seconds, a faint sound penetrated the room. Heero was softly speaking.

Duo realized that Heero must have thought him still asleep, curled against him. But his words were hesitant and halted. He seemed… scared. And Duo was glad for that weight keeping him in place because if he'd moved at all or changed his breathing, surely Heero would take notice and whatever magic they were under, whatever he was working himself towards, would come to a halt.

Heero was speaking to himself in Japanese, mumbling a pep talk about how he could do this and get it over with and stop lying. That last part stuck out and Duo consciously worked to clear his mind of what it could mean. Fretting would break his bewitching relaxation, and Heero would definitely notice if he tensed.

After a seemingly infinite pause and several aborted attempts a phrase stumbled out of his lips and into the bedroom, all messy and disjointed as Heero's heart raced under Duo's ear, pounding against his chest and through his shirt. The sound of his voice was so faint Duo thought maybe it was an auditory hallucination. A second pause lasted only half as long and ended as Heero sighed, his chest rising higher with the deep intake of air before falling quickly. "Aishiteru" he repeated with nervousness, over and over until he could say the words freely. "Aishiteruyo, Baka." By that point Heero was rubbing small circles on Duo's back where his hand rested.

It took all of his willpower not to smile.

He never expected Heero to ever actually say those words to him. As far as he knew it was not culturally something the Japanese tended to say so bluntly. It almost didn't even sound right to hear the words in Japanese. Who says that unless in some melodramatic J-Drama?

Years ago when they were secretly together Heero did show his love. It just wasn't so forthright or verbal. There was no mistaking his actions when they screamed "I love you." He implied it with his phrasing all the time in an almost coy way that Duo adored. One time when Relena was having a bout of total denial about their relationship she pointed out how Heero never said "The Words" so he must not actually love him. Duo just laughed at her. Relena knew very little about Heero Yuy if she couldn't see that direct words meant little to nothing when a million small gestures spoke volumes.

And that made it all the more strange for Heero to be quietly and directly professing his love in this moment. Actions? Sure. Indirect confessions like saying "I'd fight the war again to stay like this with you" or casually commenting "you're the only person in all of the Earth Sphere who can use my laptop and get away with it" were normal. But to come out with the words so up front like this? And so soon?

Since when was Heero the kind of guy to go from first kiss to "I love you" in under 24 hours? Duo couldn't even commit to thinking those words yet. He knew his feelings, but the words themselves scared him. He almost preferred their old way of saying it.

Maybe he was trying on the words for Duo's sake. Maybe Heero thought he needed that direct reassurance but wouldn't ask for it. After all, it was Heero's separation of their private and public lives that caused their relationship to fail years ago. Maybe Heero worried part of the problem was his lack of any direct confession of love.

And that idea, to Duo, was both sweet and dumb.

If he needed to hear the words he'd just ask. Words never mattered much to him. Actions did. He only ever wanted consistency of action. He wanted Heero to treat him the same in public and private. That didn't mean tons of PDA or pet names but it did mean treating him as at least something more than just a friend when they were out or with others. Back then Heero wouldn't even sit next to him when they met up with the other ex Gundam pilots. He wouldn't even share food in public, even though when it was just the two of them they freely ate off each other's plates. And worst of all, when meeting with their friends he made sure they arrived and left separately.

All he needed was consistency of action.

But if Heero thought words were important Duo was not about to discourage him. As much as it felt too early for declarations they weren't a first time couple. They'd been down this road before and it wasn't like Duo ever actually stopped caring for Heero. He was quite confident Heero hadn't stopped, either.

Instead of smiling like his facial muscles desperately wanted, Duo slowly pulled himself out of his perfect state of being. It took real effort to slowly begin to slip his arms around Heero more tightly and to move enough to lightly nuzzle his face against Heero's chest. He sighed into the cotton of his shirt. It vaguely reminded Duo of when he needed to re-learn use of his arm after months in a sling. This was slow, heavy movements that barely followed his brain's instructions. And pain he steadfastly refused to acknowledge. A lot of pain.

Heero stilled a bit and got quiet as Duo purred against him. "You say something, Ro?" he asked almost breathlessly, his voice harsh and in need of water. A hand came up to stroke chestnut hair, lingering in the locks as Duo moved to gaze at Heero through one half lidded and one mostly swollen eye. Heero's face held a contented look that was wholly new to Duo, and it remained on his face even as Heero subtly checked the gash he thought needed stitches. His eyes shined in the darkness of the room, catching tiny rays of bright mid day sun peeking through his closed shades

He was radiating happiness. That look, Duo thought, was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.

As those calm and deep ocean eyes intensified, Heero spoke once more. His voice was low but firm, and he tossed his previous phrasing for one much more startlingly direct. It was so bizarre it took Duo a moment to register the translation, his brain buffering for a moment. And it took real effort for him to keep his heartbeat calm.

In Duo's head a loud voice was screaming.

What the fuck was that? Did he really just say "I am very much in love with you, Baka"? Does his mixed heritage make him search for direct western expressions in Japanese? Does he expect a specific reaction when he never figured out I understand him? He has no idea I understood that, right? RIGHT?

Outwardly he simply smiled dreamily. "You know I love it when you speak Japanese."

Not a lie. He did like the way the tone and cadence of Heero's voice changed when he spoke in another language. Duo naturally did that too, when he switched from English to something else.

Keeping his cool and settling into the spot between Heero's shoulder and neck, he enjoyed the feeling of strong arms holding him closer, mindful of his injuries, as a soft kiss was placed in his hair. One day, when the timing was right, he'd tell Heero that he was verbally fluent in Japanese and that if he wanted to keep his thoughts and feelings secret a little longer he should've written them down. But today was not that day.

Today he was back where he belonged.