Chapter 17: Heavy stones
The clouds hung high in dark violent gray. The earlier opening revealing the sun had shrunken and cold started to take over the environment again.
Walking up to the first step of the staircase leading down, Izaya closed his eyes for a second to relish in the fading warmth of the sun.
Like a mouse crawling forth from a pile of wool it had made its way past the barrier and blessed the castle with its last rays.
While Izaya didn't exactly like the spring season as it always made his illness worse, he couldn't help but relish in the soothing sounds it harbored.
Ice that had formed overnight was slowly thawing again, leaving sounds of water dripping from various sources.
Birds were chirping, and the rain from the previous day cleared the air in a way only bad weather could.
Budding flowers rested next to the stairs handrail and Izaya could spot a large bee busily minding its task of collecting honey.
It was fluffy, somewhat cute even- but then it blurred.
Blinking once, then twice, Izaya tried to regain his vision- his hand reached out for the railing- ice cold shot up his spine and his eyes closed.
What-
His chest felt tight- Tighter than ever-
Etiquette and grace, everything was thrown aside as Izaya's body rushed down towards the cool ground of marble.
A high pitched sound blocked out all noise and for a moment Izaya held his breath.
Sitting on the stairs, dress sprawled messily as it had fallen and hand on his chest Izaya slowly inhaled.
It was so cold.
The marble underneath his skin, the stairs, the air- everything.
Each gulp of precious air felt as though Izaya was swallowing a heap of stones.
More and more- filling his chest to the point it caused him to choke.
While any other person would have felt fear it was frustration that caused Izaya's brows to knit into a deep frown.
Not again.
He should have seen it coming. As a child he had already had such short fits of breathlessness. Usually after some form of overexertion.
Knowing his boundaries he had avoided a downfall like this for quite a long time- but the past few days had taken more toll on his body than he had thought.
An ugly inkling of panic made itself apparent as Izaya tried to remain calm at the prospect of light suffocation.
He knew it would pass- it always did- he knew, but he also knew that it had never been this bad before.
It was slightly unsettling-
His hands started to break out in a cool sweat and he quickly wiped them on his dress as he tried to calm down.
This was nothing to fret over.
He wasn't gonna die from a little cough-
… right?
And suddenly his throat felt even tighter as his breathing staggered.
Low, quick heaps of breath filled his mouth as his surroundings started to spin and he squeezed his eyes shut.
"Kururi?"
A voice.
It sounded familiar- but dimmed by the sound filling Izaya's ears he couldn't tell who it belonged to- "Did you hurt yourself?"
Again.
Swallowing quickly, Izaya's chest stuttered as he opened his eyes.
Shizuo.
He was kneeling on the stairs.
One leg up the other meeting the stair with its knee he had gotten as close to Izaya as physically possible.
The white linen shirt, tailed only by a leather belt riding Shizuo's hips and sword, softly brushed by Izaya's skin as the king gently touched his shoulder.
Shit-
Izaya hadn't heard him approach.
"No," Izaya quickly brought forth, negating the question of injury. He tried to muster an assuring smile, but somehow Izaya's body just didn't move as it was told. It felt as though he was trying to move a corpse.
He felt sick.
Probably looked like shit too.
Quick, shuddering breaths were drawn every few moments as he avoided the king's eyes.
Words were mumbled and Izaya's anxiety spiked. Izaya couldn't make sense of them. He had to reply, he had to give answers so as to not worry the king. He needed to present a woman worth marrying, not a wreck.
Only when the arm on his shoulder slipped to his arm, Izaya realized that the king was trying to help him get up from the ground.
"- inside. Kururi-" Izaya barely caught a few fragments of the sentence.
The king wanted to get him into the castle.
Of course.
It was cold.
Izaya wanted to agree- wanted to get up from the ground and laugh, play the action down as a short dizziness of noble women- but he couldn't.
It was frustrating.
Izaya wanted to get up- he wanted to fucking breathe- he had an act he needed to keep up- he couldn't just sit here and cause a commotion-
And yet his body just loved to work against him as he closed his eyes instead.
Tight, like they never wanted to open again he submerged in darkness.
He wanted to answer, but he couldn't.
All he could do was concentrate on one shuddering breath after the next.
More and more stones filled his chest.
The dizziness was taking everything over.
Ringing in his ears blocked out all sound.
It was getting worse and worse-
Izaya cursed his health, cursed the timing and cursed the fear that sat in the back of his mind laughing.
Why did he have to suffer like this?
Why was he even in this situation?
Why couldn't he just simply breathe?
…
…
And then it stopped.
…
Slowly.
Like riding out of a thick forest the trees cleared.
Slower and more even Izaya drew his breaths as the tightness in his chest loosened.
The stones disappeared, and his hearing improved as he caught the familiar sounds of birds. The fat bee kept buzzing nearby and a soft breeze blew across the scenery.
He didn't know how much time had passed.
A minute?
Two?
Even longer?
Blinking his eyes back open, his surroundings finally regained the clarity he was used to seeing.
Clouds having accelerated they had managed to eradicate even the slightest ray of sunlight, drowning everything in the darkest of gray.
The king's body was tense, that was the first thing Izaya realized as he faced the man. Every fiber of his being seemed ready to act upon the slightest order.
His eyes watched Izaya like a hawk's, capturing every possible motion.
Izaya didn't realize his hand had held onto Shizuo's shirt until he felt the rough fabric beneath his hand.
"Sorry-" he quickly uttered, his voice breaking halfway as he retracted it.
Worry breached into Shizuo's words as he watched his future wife closely.
"Are you okay?" Like milk and honey, the words mixed with Shizuo's eyes filled with worry.
Weird warmth spread in Izaya's chest at the open show of care.
Shizuo wouldn't believe a lie. The king might not be the smartest star under the sun, but he wasn't stupid.
Just saying yes wouldn't suffice.
"I was feeling a little under the weather and came out for some fresh air." Izaya quickly spoke.
"You looked like you couldn't breathe."
Shit.
Struck by surprise, Izaya fell short on a reply.
Shizuo was being awfully perceptive for someone who couldn't bother to call the horse a knight.
A cold breeze rushing past the scene caused Izaya to shudder.
"Can you get up?" Shizuo asked softly, the grasp on Izaya's arm tightening gently, as if to assure he would help.
Izaya would have loved to slap that hand away- he didn't want to trigger any more sympathy in the king. It was only going to be much harder on him once Izaya was gone.
But the dizziness he felt certainly loved to work against him as he hesitated.
Eyes were closed for a second in which Izaya mustered all sense of gravity he had left and he pushed himself off the ground- causing his body to reverse the action immediately.
Strong arms quickly acted as a safety net slipping beneath Izaya's knees. His surroundings spun once more and upon regaining clarity he found himself in the king's arms.
"What are you doing?" Complaints followed as the king walked back to the gate.
"Getting you to see a doctor," he announced curtly, before pressing his back against the gate to open.
Ah.
A doctor-
Mind springing to alert Izaya swallowed.
This was a bad idea-
A doctor would check him up, see him undressed-
Izaya was a man, and hell would freeze over if the doctor didn't notice that.
"I'm fine," he quickly spoke, pushing softly at the king in hope he would set him down again.
Coming to a full stop in the middle of the hallways the king frowned.
"This is the second time you fainted since you arrived!" His eyes were serious and his voice reverberated as he left no room to argue.
It was funny, but somehow at that moment Izaya found himself reminded of what kind of man he was facing.
A warrior. A knight.
He commanded an entire army of soldiers- he wasn't a man that was going to let himself be talked out of what he wanted.
"... I only fainted once."
The argument was weak and Izaya cursed his foggy mind for not coming up with a better one.
Shizuo's grasp on Izaya tightened.
Not much, just a little, as if to emphasize his words.
"Finding you collapsed on the stairs counts."
"I just need some rest. That usually helps."
"Usually?" Shizuo frowned, "Do you enjoy fainting that frequently?"
Ah.
A bad choice of words-
Izaya should have said he was sure it would help-
"What can I say?" he quickly added with a soft chuckle,"You got yourself a weak fiance."
It was fascinating.
Those exact same words had been used against him so often in his life.
So why?
Why did spelling a fact out loud feel this devastating?
Like a blow to his own guts.
Fainting frequently… hah. If that were all his father would have never had to hide the fact he had a son.
He was weak.
In all meanings defined.
He wasn't fit to lead a land, wasn't smart enough to keep his father at bay and too weak to even hold a sword.
To his father he was a failure.
In every sense possible.
Izaya shouldn't care- hell if he had a chance to think about it with a clear mind he would be able to dispel this feeling of disappointment in a minute. But like this? Sadness suddenly stuck to his mind like honey to a tree.
Silence befell the two of them as no one spoke a word.
Shizuo didn't know what exactly happened, but he certainly noticed the shift in Kururi's mood.
Her words - somehow they had sounded like they carried more meaning than Shizuo was aware of. He wanted to let his doctor check her up and yet… somehow he felt like he was prying into a sensitive topic.
He had learned by now that his future wife held a fair amount of pride to herself. And how badly she reacted when he chose to ignore that.
"... you are sure some rest will help?" he asked softly, meeting his bride's eyes.
Izaya glanced up, not sure what to make of the question and nodded.
And so the king turned. Instead of heading towards the south tower Izaya found himself being carried along very familiar corridors.
"Ah, my lord!" a maid exclaimed as the king strode through the hallway leading to Izaya's chamber. "Lady Kururi-" the other women gasped in surprise.
"Excuse us for a moment." Shizuo ordered and the maids quickly moved aside, making room for their king and his bride. Soft chatter and hushed voices passed by as the women squealed.
They got the wrong idea obviously. Having Shizuo carry Izaya to his room was not exactly a romantic wish of his.
It took only a few moments until they were left alone. Falling into its hinges the door creaked as it shut close.
Gently, as if touching the petals of a silky rose, Shizuo approached the bed and placed Izaya on top of it.
"Rest."
It was a simple word, bearing an order, and yet the way Shizuo spelled it, made it sound like a gentle request.
Izaya sighed softly. Not stupid enough to try and stand up, he remained seated.
"You want me to laze around in bed all day?" he asked, only causing the king's expression to grow even more serious.
"You can sleep until after the wedding if that's what it takes for you to feel better."
Wow.
Izaya snorted softly at the childish prospect.
"What will the guests say?"
"Can't remember the last time I gave a shit what they said."
Izaya laughed.
Alright, he could see how much Shizuo hated aristocracy. And why he needed someone who knew how to handle them.
"Such profanity," he scolded shortly, but didn't mean a syllable spoken.
Shizuo was aware.
He loved it.
This.
Everything about this conversation.
Kururi was so genuine in all her responses. Shizuo was aware he could tell her anything on his mind and she wouldn't judge him.
It was setting him free in a way.
And that's exactly why his heart had stopped the moment he saw Kururi on those stairs.
Suffering.
Alone.
It stirred a feeling worse than watching his comrades die in battle.
"Seriously." he uttered softly as he cleared his throat. "Stay here until you feel better. That's an order."
A complaint sat at the verge of Kururi's lips. He could tell by the way her weak gaze shifted just barely into one ready to argue. But for better or worse she seemed too exhausted to keep up the battle of words.
A soft sigh escaped her lips as she avoided the king's eyes.
"Alright."
Shizuo was glad she listened, and yet also worried. He hadn't known her for a long time but admitting defeat without even trying just indicated how badly she felt.
He was tempted to get her checked up. Call the doctor without her consent just to have him look at her.
It took a lot of effort on Shizuo's part to resist the urge as he rose from the ground.
"I don't want to see you in the hallways."
Sighing softly, Izaya nodded.
What choice did he have?
Leaving without any further delay the king stepped into the hallway again. He could hear some of the maids chattering and the king as he gave out a couple orders. Izaya couldn't make out their content as the walls were just a tad too thick.
…
Well done.
Body weak and limbs exhausted, Izaya pushed himself up towards the middle of the bed before pulling the blanket over his head.
The dizziness didn't seem to plan on leaving any time soon…
He didn't want to stay here.
He wanted to act. Prepare for their departure. Look up the best route to move.
But yet again he found himself rendered motionless at his illness' mercy.
Heat and cold battled for dominance as Izaya couldn't decide whether curling up under the blanket or kicking it off would prove to be more pleasant.
… he had messed up.
The king was a good guy. In every possible way.
And now?
Now he was worried for a wife he would lose in a few days. He was worried for her well being-
Honestly… it would be so much easier if Shizuo had been an asshole. If he had been as the rumors described. Izaya would have no qualms deceiving a cruel ruler.
But like this?
Sadness of various kinds circled in Izaya's mind as he closed his eyes.
It was too much.
Everything.
He wasn't stupid, he knew why he had gotten sick again. All these past events, his worries for his sisters, his fear of getting discovered, his guilt for tricking the king and on top of all the sheer time pressure that was the upcoming wedding-
Maybe it was because he wasn't feeling well, but honestly? Right now all of this just made him want to curl up and scream.
Disappear.
Run away.
He was tired. Just so, so tired.
…
The soft sound of maids shuffling in their designated room next to Izaya's caught his ears.
… they were probably ordered to keep watch over his condition or something. To make sure he didn't get up again.
…maybe Shizuo was right.
Everything had been set in motion.
His siblings would arrive in time for the wedding.
Maybe this was the time to relax.
A bitter smile forced itself onto his face.
At least for a while… until he disappointed the only person he ever met that appreciated him for just being himself.
to be continued~
Aaand here we go~ xD Double update haha 3
Sorry for skipping the other stories, I will be updating them next Saturday again 3
Oh, including this one of course xD
See you~!