Chapter 45: Protective
As much as she tried, Sally couldn't get her anger under control. For days she waited for it to subside, hoping work and life would distract her enough to bring her boiling rage to a simmer. When nothing worked, not even joining Wufei in meditation, she picked up her phone and made an appointment on her day off to fix her problem. There were perks that came with her position in Preventers, and grabbing a slot on a high ranking ESUN politician's schedule without months of waiting was one of them.
She didn't tell Wufei where she was going, and he rarely asked what she did on her days off from the hospital. He knew she'd share with him anything interesting over breakfast or dinner, and he understood that everyone needed time for themselves. This worked to Sally's advantage because some things were best kept quiet until they were over. It was much easier to ask forgiveness than justify planned actions.
Sally waited patiently for her appointment, her posture straight and exuding confidence. The front desk already apologized twice for delays, but she would stay however long it took. Her mission was important enough that she canceled all other plans for the day to make certain her goals were accomplished.
"Ms Po? She can see you now."
The receptionist escorted Sally down a long hallway to an open door. She thanked him and entered, closing it behind herself. Relena was on the phone when Sally walked into her office. The room was exactly what the public would expect from a politician, and Sally found it quite boring. The space was not personalized other than a few photos, a shelf of accolades, and what appeared to be a small jewelry or music box. Even the large painting behind her desk was simply a historical map of the old Sanc Kingdom. Sally assumed the sterilized look was meant to give away few details of her personal life to visitors but she didn't understand why even the furniture had to be standard government issue. Would a little style really cause a political scandal?
As Relena hung up the phone she smiled. It didn't reach her eyes, and Sally knew this was the smile of someone always ready to charm an audience. There was no real warmth, nor should there be. The two were barely acquainted.
Relena extended a hand. "It's been too long, Sally. How can I help you?"
Sally took a seat, uninterested in the typical pleasantries and greetings Relena was accustomed to. She did not shake her hand. "I called your office a few weeks ago and this was the earliest they could fit me into your schedule."
"A few weeks?"
"Yes."
"We were supposed to see each other a month ago. It's a shame you had to wait this long, we could've talked then." Relena was amicable as always, but based on recent events Sally viewed her with an entirely new perspective. There was a cadence to her voice that Sally recognized. As a professional she used the same tactic when giving difficult news to patients or trying to keep a room calm.
Two could play that game, and Sally smoothly replied "If only I'd seen you then, it may have saved a lot of trouble." She watched as her expression shifted. It was clear the woman across from her was starting to put together that this was not an entirely friendly visit. "I know what it's like to be a busy woman whose decisions impact the lives of others, so I'll keep this to the point and brief as to not waste your time." A glint in Relena's eyes told her she had her full attention.
"Relena, I would like to know why you feel entitled to hurt the people around you. I would like to know how a self-professed pacifist can act with such violence towards another human being. And I would like to know why you are such an asshole to Duo."
She watched as Relena's eyes widened, and gained satisfaction in blindsiding her. Relena tried to play it coy.
"Excuse me?"
"I asked a few things, but mostly I want to know why you're such an asshole to Duo. Wufei filled me in on what happened during the skii trip. You're lucky I wasn't there. So tell me, Relena, what the hell is wrong with you?"
There was a fire in Relena's eyes that few people ever saw. Her breathing became faster and heavier as she lost her cool. "If Duo wasn't such a-"
Sally abruptly cut her off. "We're not talking about him, we're talking about you. I want to know what your problem is, and don't tell me you have none. This is all on you. So cut the crap and talk to me."
Relena bristled. She didn't like being cornered, let alone in her own office. For a moment she considered her options, but calling security on Sally would end badly and she couldn't dodge her questions forever. Based on her words, attitude, and the look on Sally's face she wasn't here to play. If Relena wasn't careful, Sally could cause her a world of pain. Not only was she well connected within the Preventers organization, but she was well entrenched with Heero's friends.
She tread lightly. "Are you here to pass judgment on me?"
"No. I'm here to understand why you feel the need to keep hurting my friend."
The last thing Sally expected was for Relena's shoulders to slump and for her to whisper "I don't know."
She wasn't prepared for the cold, and immediately wrapped her arms around herself. Relena removed her coat and scarf several minutes earlier while cleaning up the broken glass on the floor of her living room. If she was going to catch Duo before he left she had no time to grab proper attire. The hateful look in Heero's eyes when he ordered her to clean up her mess terrified her. It was the first time she truly felt she might lose him forever. She didn't even feel it that strongly during the wars. When they were kids he was invincible. She thought she could only lose him if he died, and didn't really believe he could. But losing his friendship? She believed that now. Especially after what she'd done, and how Heero looked at her.
"Duo, please! Wait!"
He paused and then turned to her with an expression colder than the wind. The way he carried his bag, held with one hand and slung over his shoulder, made him look ready. For what, she wasn't certain. But he looked prepared.
"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."
"No you're not." His voice was deadpan, but he didn't make to move.
That was the one answer she wasn't expecting. Silence? Maybe. Acceptance or rejection? Probably. But denying her words were genuine was not something she was used to.
"I know I made a mistake. I don't know what came over me and-"
"You damn well know, Relena." His eyes pinned her into place. She couldn't recall if she ever saw Duo look at her with so much anger. "Don't play innocent with me. You've been undermining me from the moment we first met. Before Heero and I were even a thing you were cruel and jealous because we were growing a friendship in a world you could never be a part of. You used every nasty trick up your sleeve to make me feel unworthy of his friendship. Before you even knew for certain we were a couple you tried convincing me he didn't care about me or love me, just in case I got any ideas that he and I could be a thing. You absolutely know what came over you."
Relena tensed, both from the cold and his words. She could feel her heart beating against her chest and was worried Heero would come out at any second and leave along with Duo and never speak to her again.
"It's not my fault you don't belong here."
As soon as she spoke she regretted her words. He didn't seem to care.
"Relena. I've chased a feeling of belonging my whole life. I've been scared since I can remember that I wasn't enough for the people I loved. But right now? This is the first time I've known with everything in me that I am good enough."
"Well I'll always think he deserves better."
Again, she wasn't sure why the words came out so quickly. She could feel herself sinking into a hole she wouldn't be able to get out of and couldn't believe how careless she was being. She should be making amends, not doing whatever this was. Duo simply glared at her.
"Of course you will. Even I think he deserves better, which is one reason I keep growing, trying to become a better version of myself. But damnit, I'm enough and you better get used to that. Because I don't think anyone, including Heero, has the time for your bullshit anymore."
Her lower lips began to tremble, and she knew time was running out and if Heero really didn't want to put up with her she'd lose his friendship. Desperate, she asked "how do I fix things?"
He shook his head. "You don't. I don't even think you can. But you care for Heero, too. So for now? You stop separating us on these stupid get togethers. You don't exile me to some other wing of your house. You don't so much as look at me for the duration of this trip. And we're not going skiing. It's a supercilious hobby for people like yourself, especially here on this overly expensive private mountain. We'll play hockey on the lake if I have to teach everyone myself."
Duo was already walking towards her when she averted her eyes and responded with a quite "okay." As he passed he walked close enough to give her a shove with his shoulder. She took a few seconds to gather her wits, and followed him inside.
Sally looked annoyed. "What do you mean you don't know?"
"I mean I don't know!" Relena shied away after her outburst, embarrassed by losing her cool and raising her voice. More quietly she added "Duo said I knew exactly what I was doing. I keep thinking about that and he's wrong. I don't! I don't know why I react to him like that!"
The way Sally eyed her critically left Relena feeling uneasy. They weren't particularly close. Their entire relationship was predicated on happenstance and having their social circles overlap. If Sally wasn't with Wufei they would have no contact at all. The tension in Sally's posture eased slightly, but she was still sitting with the posture of someone in command of the room. Relena wasn't used to someone else doing that in her office. Sally leaned forward as she spoke.
"It's been a very long time since I did my psych rotation, and I'm not inclined to play doctor to you, step on the toes of another specialty in which I have no relevant experience, or accidentally imply you have something seriously wrong with you. But I am comfortable saying that this behavior, which is inconsistent with you as a whole, is worrisome." She tilted her head and looked her over. "Relena, even healthy people sometimes need therapy. If you're serious about doing better, you should consider finding someone to talk to."
"It's just…" Relena stopped herself short and wrung her hands and cut eye contact. "It's like a Pavlovian response, you know? I fall back into a pattern from when we were kids and yes I can admit I was jealous then but I swear to you, Sally, I'm not jealous now!"
It was the first time she saw Relena desperate, but there was no other way to describe her. She clearly believed every word she said, and needed with everything in her for Sally to accept her truth. Instead of reacting right away, Sally took her time. She let her brain process new information while her thoughts cleared. Then she asked "Do you have any friends?"
She could see Relena try to keep her composure. "What kind of question is-"
"Do you have any friends?" she repeated.
Relena eyed her wearily. "I have Heero."
Sally waited for her to add any other names, and when it became clear she had none to list several things began to click into place.
"What about that girl from the wars? Dorothy?"
Relena broke eye contact and her posture stiffened further. "We haven't spoken in years."
"No one from work? Maybe your brother's wife? Friends from school?"
The tone of Relena's voice shifted. The line of questioning brought anger out of her. "No! And I don't need them, I have Heero. One friend is enough."
That, to Sally, was the missing piece of information. "You are jealous. It's just not romantic!" Relena added puzzlement to her angered expression and Sally plowed forward. "You're jealous your only friend is allowing someone else to become his priority. He's all you've got and you're scared of being abandoned."
"I'm not! I mean… It's not…" stumbling on her words, Relena had no real argument against Sally's accusations. Sally saw some light leave her eyes as she allowed the idea that she really was jealous sink in and settle. All at once the cool and collected former Queen of the world looked like a lost child. It was something Sally never personally saw, not even years ago when she really was a child. Purposefully she waited silently for her to come around.
Relena eventually spoke again, her voice soft and sincere. "It's hard to trust new people when your entire life has been a public display for nearly as long as you can remember. At first I didn't choose it, but obviously during the wars I made the decision to become a public figure." She sighed, and it sounded exhausted. "I was fifteen, Sally. I wanted to make the world better, I didn't consider how it would change me and how it would change the way others react to me."
Her eyes made direct contact with Sally's. Sorrow was held in those eyes.
"It's hard to trust anyone. I've let people get close to me only to discover they had ulterior motives. People want things from me. I can't lose the only friend who wants nothing from me."
"You're a fool to think Heero wants nothing."
Sally watched as Relena took in a sharp but small breath and leaned backwards and away from her. The actions were subtle, but it was clear her words hit their mark. She was hurt.
"You idolize him at times. You pretend he's infallible. Your hero and savior, a brave knight to selflessly devote himself to his queen. And you needed that when you were younger. War is terrifying, and when you're thrown into it as a child the comfort of those stories where the hero comes to rescue you can be the only thing that holds you together when the worst is all around." Her tone darkened a bit and became more serious. "But you're not a child anymore. And you have to recognize that everyone has needs and everyone wants something. Sometimes that's bad for you and cutting off that relationship is necessary. People will try to take advantage and I'm glad you recognize that. But everyone, even Heero, wants something."
As she spoke she watched Relena's confidence fade. Her eye contact wavered. If Sally wasn't looking so closely she'd probably not notice how her posture dipped slightly and her hands appeared to come together under her desk. This wasn't an easy conversation for Relena to have, but she was dutifully sticking it out rather than pushing Sally away. To her it indicated that this was a long time coming, and Relena knew it.
"What do you think Heero wants from me?"
The way in which she asked the question left no doubt that she was afraid of the answer.
"If you weren't so self absorbed you'd see what everyone else sees." Relena flinched. "I don't know what happened between you during the wars, but he's fond of you. Whatever you showed him of yourself that won him over, he wants you to show that to Duo. All he wants is for the people who are most important to him to get along. His life's been hard, Relena. He wants his personal life to be easy. I'm not saying conflict free, but I am saying he doesn't want an all out war between the people he cares about."
Relena whispered something so quietly Sally asked her to repeat it.
"I want that, too. I don't want to fight all the time."
"Then don't. Because I don't want to come back here and do this again." Sally leaned forward. "I'm not expecting you to do everything right immediately but there are lines drawn and if you cross them…" her eyes narrowed. "You are out of excuses, do you hear me, Relena?"
She nodded.
"I don't want to be your friend." Sally's bluntness cut. "But I can help you find friends, if that's something you want. Heero thinks you're worthwhile, and I don't want you to lose each other because you've made him the only person in your life and haven't learned to share." Relena's eyes widened in surprise. "I have a standing monthly brunch with a group of friends. I'm sure some of them would get along with you, and none of those ladies give a damn what your professional or social status is. Would you like to join?"
A small and uncertain smile spread across Relena's face.
"Yes, please."
Sally stood, signaling her intent to leave. Relena stood along with her. "I'll send you the details. In the meantime do some self reflection." Without hesitation Sally turned and left. She didn't even say goodbye.
For the first time in a month she felt her anger start to fade.