"You know I'm happy for you, Marco," Jean said from across the table. He propped up his elbow before leaning his head in his hand. The expression on his face indicated he wanted to say something insightful that was going to turn out to be anything but.

"I won't lie and say I'm not jealous," Jean continued with an airy wave. "You're gonna start getting a lot of attention. I know I'd have girls all over me if I was promoted to Officer."

"The only thing you'd have all over you are flies, Horse-Face," Eren said, unsurprised he was correct concerning his previous assessment.

"Eh?!"

Jean stood, slamming his palms down with enough force to rattle the dishes strewn about. A frown graced the features of the girl seated at Eren's side. Mikasa righted her fallen mug, but not before its contents of warm cider spilled over the wood.

"You think I'd hesitate to kick your ass just because of your weird Titan thing?" Jean said. He pulled Eren closer by grasping the collar of his shirt. The target of his ire was unperturbed as Eren offered a lazy blink.

"I don't need to be over ten meters tall to have you begging for mercy," Jean growled.

"You're right," Eren said. "Just looking at you for too long is enough to have me asking for mercy."

"You–!"

Jean lunged across the table. His raised fist came forward, but fell short of its mark when his forehead was suddenly slammed into Eren's. His eyes lost focus as he collapsed with a clatter. Eren put his head in his hands and openly cursed the searing pain in his skull.

"You two."

Levi had approached behind Eren, going unnoticed until he'd leaned forward to grasp Eren and Jean by the hair and slam their faces together.

A soft 'tsk' escaped Levi's lips; the spilt cider had dribbled over the edge of the table onto the boot he had propped on Eren's seat. He produced a white handkerchief to wipe down the leather.

"As members of my squad," Levi said. "I won't tolerate this sort of behavior. If you feel the need to beat the shit out of each other, do it somewhere you won't be a nuisance."

"I apologize, Captain," Marco said, getting to his feet. "I should've stepped in before things escalated."

"Agreed," Levi said. Narrow eyes slid to the side. Armin flinched under the attention. Mikasa only glared.

"You're not the only one at fault," Levi said. His gaze returned to Marco. "But as an officer, you are the most accountable. Keep that in mind."

Marco stood up a little straighter. He nodded.

Levi studied Marco for a moment longer before stepping away. His retreat was observed by the members of the table as he headed for his destination on the other side of the wide mess hall. The two figures he approached had been bent over a short stack of papers. Unit Captain Moblit looked up to address Levi as he took a seat. The woman at Moblit's side had her eyes locked on Marco. She looked away when Marco's gaze met hers.

"I'm sure your sister's proud of your promotion," Armin said, sounding desperate to break the awkward silence. The forced smile on his face wavered. Normally any mention of Celine had Marco perking up like a flower in the sun. It was unusual to see Marco watching his sister from across the room with a dour expression.

"Marco?"

"Hmm?" Marco said. He seemed to come back to himself as he let out an unsteady chuckle. "Sorry, Armin. What was that?"

"Ah!" Armin said, the forced smile returning. "It's nothing. I was just … congratulating you again on your promotion."

Armin was gifted with a gentle smile. "Thanks, Armin," Marco said. "I'm going to work hard to really feel like I deserve it. I guess I'm so used to Eren and Jean messing around, I didn't think to step in as I should've."

"You're still doing that thing where you blame yourself for other people's problems," Eren said. His hand fell away from the red lump on his forehead, a small trail of steam rising from the injury. "Sorry for dragging you into that."

"You should be sorry for starting the whole damn thing," Jean said, peeling himself from the table. He sported a lump on his head to match Eren's, letting out a groan when he rubbed the spot.

"It was just a joke," Eren mumbled. He pursed his lips as Armin sighed from across the table.

Eren half swallowed his groan in frustration. "I was out of line." He took a swift exhale before offering his hand to Jean. "Sorry."

"Yeah, whatever," Jean said, giving Eren's hand a quick shake before withdrawing. He gave the bump on his forehead another poke and let out a soft hiss. "Damn, this hurts like hell. I'm gonna stop by the infirmary before meeting with Ymir."

"I'll go, too," Armin said. "The Commander mentioned you were able to get her talking a bit. It sounds like she's having reservations about joining us on the mission; maybe I can help convince her."

"She's going whether she wants to or not," Jean said as he stood. He wobbled, steadying himself against the table. "The Captain's already mentioned he'll stick her with a tranquilizer if he has to."

"Geez … that guy," Eren said. His eyes narrowed as he studied the back of Levi's head. "He could be a little more understanding of how Ymir's feeling; Historia was really important to her. She was one of us, too."

Heads were lowered. Silence hung heavy as the group dwelled on their numbers dwindling over the past few months. Only half remained who weren't dead, missing, or detained. The comparison to how things were in the Cadets was like night and day. It had been the most grueling experience many of them had faced at the time; now it was something they would give anything to go back to.

"Let's get going," Mikasa said, rising from the table. "I'll ask the kitchen for Ymir's plate."

"You're going, too?" Eren asked, furrowing his brow.

"I am," Mikasa said. She glanced at Eren over her shoulder. "You and Marco are going to talk."

The reminder caused Eren's shoulders to slump. "Yeah … right."

"What's going on?" Marco asked. His question went unanswered as Mikasa and Armin only offered a nod in parting. Jean held Marco's gaze before turning away.

"I'll find you in the morning before we head out, Marco," Jean said. He and Armin crossed the room to the wide entryway. They shared a short exchange before Mikasa joined them carrying a plate of food. Jean shot Marco a final glance before turning and following Armin and Mikasa out of sight.

"I heard they patched up the courtyard on the roof," Eren said, drenching his voice with false cheer. "I've been wanting to see it; let's check it out."

. . .

Trost's Engineering Corps Headquarters had undergone massive renovations even before it was repurposed to hold an abundance of offices and soldiers who used to occupy the Military Police's own Headquarters in Stohess. The attack on Trost prompted the addition of underground tunnels, sealing up over half the windows, and a workshop to provide cannon repair without the need to ship the weaponry all the way to Sina. The building was practically a fortress.

How it used to be was less practical, Marco thought. He followed Eren as the door to the rooftop courtyard swung open, a brisk night breeze ruffling their hair. Like Eren had mentioned, the courtyard which had been little more than a stack of rubble the last time Marco saw it had been rebuilt with the addition of five cannons.

Even though the old building was less practical, taking out the stained-glass and replacing it with all of this … makes it seem cold. I never had a good feeling about Trost before, but …

Marco remembered tumbling into the records room, sunlight reflecting from the shards of broken chandelier around his feet. He had turned to look at his sister after she had slid off his back. The two of them had just escaped what should have been certain death. Yet, there they stood. There was only a moment before Marco's shock had caused him to lose consciousness, but during that moment he'd caught a glimpse of Celine regarding him with a smile for the first time.

… Now that it's different than before, I like it even less.

"Hey, so …"

Eren shifted his weight from one foot to the other. It was unusual to see him fidget, Marco's alarm immediately rising.

"What's happened?" Marco asked. He stepped up to Eren, eyes narrowing as he tried to determine the cause of the distress. "What was Mikasa talking about earlier? Is it about your mission? Or Reiner?"

"It's not … something like that," Eren said. He made a frustrated sound. "Sorry, I'm … not good at this. Let's sit down."

Eren took a seat on one of the look-out benches at the edge of the courtyard. He tracked Marco's movements as he slowly lowered himself beside him. The pair regarded one another in silence for a moment before Marco couldn't push down his concern.

"Eren, are you alright?"

"This isn't about me being alright," Eren said. Marco furrowing his brow made it apparent this did little to clear anything up.

"I know … what it's like," Eren said, the words coming out as if his tongue had turned to lead. "About … losing your mom to a Titan."

Marco clenched his jaw. He lowered his eyes. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Yeah, I … know," Eren said. "We just … we know you're having a hard time. And I know you don't like to share your problems because you think it bothers other people. And I … all of us … we don't want to go without seeing you for a while without making sure you're gonna be okay."

Marco brought his hands together in his lap, interlacing his fingers. He stared at them as he fought to keep a neutral expression. "You don't have to worry about me, Eren. I'll be fine. I told you – I'll look after everything here while you guys are doing what you can out there. Don't worry about me."

"You're not dumb, Marco," Eren said, sounding less than convinced. "I know you can see we're already worried about you, so saying over and over that we shouldn't be won't do anything. We've been worried ever since you came back and stopped talking to everyone. Armin and Jean said you've had an excuse not to hang out with them whenever they've asked, and this is the longest the two of us have talked in weeks. I know your sister is coming along with us too, so you won't even have her around to–"

"Don't talk about Celine."

Marco's knuckles had turned white from his effort to keep the tremble in his hands at bay. He prayed Eren would let the matter go, that he'd go against the hard-headed nature Marco normally admired just for once. The inflection in Eren's voice when he spoke again caused Marco to wince.

"Are you guys fighting?"

The set to Marco's jaw caused his teeth to ache. "No."

Eren leaned forward in an attempt to get a better read of Marco's expression. "So what is it?"

"Drop it, Eren!"

Eren froze, eyes wide. He didn't move a muscle as Marco stared him down.

Marco's shoulders rose and fell as he took deep breaths. He grit his teeth, turning his head away. "I'm sorry, Eren. I just …" He dipped his head. "Can I ask you something?"

"Uh … yeah," Eren said. The stunned nature to his voice indicated he was still recovering from Marco's outburst. It caused a sinking feeling in Marco's chest.

"I've heard rumors about what happened with Stohess's gate," Marco said. He kept his back to Eren, reaching up to roughly wipe his face. "What would you think if you found out someone dropped the barrier on purpose?"

A moment passed. Marco's vision had grown blurry from where he'd wiped his eyes. The brown material of his pants slowly came back into focus as Eren finally started to speak.

"Geez, Marco. I'm … not sure. I guess it would depend on what side of the gate I was on."

This answer wasn't expected. Marco slowly turned in his seat. "What do you mean?"

Eren leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "If someone lowered the barrier on purpose, it means they were trying to stop Reiner. I guess if I was a person who lived in Sina I'd be terrified of getting trapped inside the wall with him around. But if I lived in Rose, then I'd feel like whoever stopped him from making it through was looking out for me."

"Eren," Marco said, his tone flat. "Tell me about what you think."

Eren's frown deepened. "I guess if someone really did shut Stohess's gate on purpose … I'd feel relieved. Knowing there are others out there willing to make hard decisions to fight the Titans makes me feel less alone. It makes me think of something Commander Erwin would've done; like an action for the greater good."

Marco's hands were moving before he could collect himself. He yanked Eren out of his slouch by a rough grab to his shirt. Something about Eren's tone … his posture … his expression … Marco found it inherently wrong.

"So you'd forgive them?" Marco asked. "You'd forgive the person who murdered your mother? You'd forgive that Titan who ate your mother in front of your eyes as long as it was for the greater good?! Is that what you would do, Eren?!"

"What the hell is your problem?!" Eren said, slapping Marco's hands away. "You asked for my opinion on some pointless hypothetical question, and I gave you my honest answer! Why the hell are you getting angry at me?"

"Answer the question!" Marco said, grabbing Eren again. "I want to hear what you would do! You're always telling me how I should feel about things, so tell me now how you would forgive the thing which tore your family apart. Would you forgive the person you spent … so long trying to understand … doing everything you could to make them a part of your life … for them to take away what you love. And you … you did the same thing to them. You also were the reason someone they love isn't here anymore."

'Go, Marco,' Victoria Bodt had said. Years later, Marco learned she looked just like her daughter when she smiled.

'Give my death meaning by living a long life.'

"Would you … forgive yourself?" Marco said, his grip on Eren's shirt beginning to shake. "I … I killed her mom. So she … My actions came back. What would you do, Eren? Just tell me … what I should do. Please, Eren. I need to know."

"Marco," Eren said, his tone unsteady. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, right," Marco said. He met Eren's gaze. The look he received back was as if he'd fallen out of focus and Eren couldn't quite make him out. Panic scurried in his subconscious over immediately rectifying the situation; apologizing to Eren profusely until his friend would grin and regard him in the warm, familiar manner he was used to. But the panic was overcome by something greater – a feeling that took pleasure in watching Eren be the one to falter for a change.

"I should be relieved," Marco said, holding Eren's stare. "I should be relieved my mom died for the greater good. I should be at peace my mom died to stop a Titan who still got away. You said that's how I should feel. Because how you feel is how I should feel; that's how it always is."

Eren grit his teeth. The beat of uncertainty was gone as fire burned behind his eyes. "I don't know what problem you have with me all of a sudden, but you need to back off."

"If you want me to back off," Marco said. "Then do something about it."

Marco knew Eren. He knew Eren wasn't the type to back down. He knew Eren would rise to the challenge and throw the first punch. He was certain Eren would give in to the same intoxicating feeling washing over Marco as the pain and rage consumed them from head to toe; burning up like a shooting star before fading into nothing.

Eren reached out to grip Marco's jacket with one hand and pull back a fist with the other. The burning behind his eyes had grown brighter, lips pulling back in tandem with poising himself to strike.

Then Eren stopped.

Eren's fist trembled before his hand went slack. "You said before … You don't think it's a bad thing to have faith in people."

"W-what?" Marco said. His eyes darted between Eren's hand and his face, wondering if he was about to be caught in some sort of fake-out.

"You don't always say things like you're certain," Eren said. He lowered his arm. "But you sure as hell sounded certain about that. You sounded a lot more like you meant what you said back then than you do now."

Marco's arm was pushed away as Eren got to his feet. He kept a stern expression as Marco leapt up, raising his fists.

"I have faith in Marco," Eren said. His eyes narrowed. "I don't know who the hell you are, but you're not him. If Marco ever wants to challenge me to a fight, then fine. But I'm not fighting you."

The punch Marco threw in Eren's direction was dodged with a fluid side-step. He cursed as he stumbled and fought to regain his balance.

"Your combat skills suck," Eren said. The look Marco received when he turned around was like a parent regarding an unruly child. "I think it's because you never wanted to get any better. You joined the Military Police to protect people, not fight them."

Marco rushed Eren again. His eyes grew wide when Eren ducked under his grasp, grabbing his wrist and locking his arm behind his back.

"I'm getting out of here before I do something I regret," Eren said. He dropped Marco's arm, turning his back as he walked toward the stairwell. "I'm gonna ask Conny to check up on you while we're gone. I don't want to hear anything about you trying to start a fight with him too, got that?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a child!" Marco said, baring his teeth. "I'm not the one who's always starting pointless fights! I'm not the one who makes decisions on a gut feeling instead of thinking things through! I'm not the one who always acts like you're better than I am!"

The hand Eren had resting on the door stilled. He turned to regard Marco from over his shoulder. There was anger etched across his features again, but not in the same way as it'd been before. It was … hurt. Marco had finally succeeded in landing a blow, although he didn't feel an ounce as good about it as he'd hoped.

"I've never thought for a second I was better than you," Eren said. "The only reason I'm walking away right now is because I know it's what the real you would tell me to do. You're the one who reminds me I don't have to act like a monster; that I'm still human. I'm sorry I'm not able to be the same reminder for you as you are for me." Eren turned away. The following pause indicated he was going to stay, but Eren must've thought against it as the door opened.

"Wait here – I'm going to find Jean. We made a mistake picking me to be the one to talk to you … it should've been him from the start."

The door to the stairwell clicked shut. Marco stared at it for a beat before dropping his gaze. He lifted his hands, slowly unfurling his fists.

If I'm not the one everyone looks to as an example … the one expected to keep it all together … Is there any part of me even left?

Marco let out a long exhale. He fought to steady the tremor in his hands. Jean would be here soon, and he didn't want him to worry.