-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 16: Please, don't stop talking -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

-Shizuo´s point of view.-

Silence covered the moment for just a little while as the blond descended from the top of the tree.

The cool iron wire was cutting into his palm as he slid down the stem carefully. To be honest he didn't even really care just what the raven knew about his brother or why he did in the first place, but he felt as though if they weren't speaking about anything that didn't revolve about the two of them dying he would really go insane here with the terrifying probability of facing another titan.

"Not a lot. Just that he is in hospital and you made a deal for him to be allowed to stay there as long as you remain within the survey corps," the raven finally announced, his voice sounded strained and faint. Shizuo was sure if he hadn't paid close attention he might not even have heard him.

"That's a lot you know," he responded, given that the flea knew about his deal as well.

Thinking about it- "Did you know about this before-" he started, but Izaya, despite being this weak, still knew what the blond was going to ask before he even had a chance to actually do it as he responded, "He is not the reason I admit you to the survey corps if that's your question." It was the only logical conclusion, of course the blond would think this way. "I only found out later about you and your deal." Izaya announced, and for once he was actually just speaking the truth.

No lies, no games, just reality.

So he didn't know about it? Shizuo almost couldn't believe it- just what was it Izaya decided to take him in for?

His thoughts got harshly interrupted as his palm slipped across the smeary surface of the iron wire.

Silver and shining he had had a perfectly tight grip on it- but a spot tarnished with blood from either the titans or possibly their comrades caused the blond to slip for a moment.

Of course his grip instantly tightened on the wire and he didn't fall or anything, but the quick movement downwards had certainly caused the raven to jerk.

He could feel him, Izaya, all tense, his fingers digging into his shoulders harshly as quick puffs of breath left his lips.

"Sorry, are you okay?"

Silence greeted the blond as the raven was too busy concentrating on his breath- just, breathing. Instinctively Shizuo´s hold on the raven tightened, already dreading the thought of Izaya simply passing out and falling off his back.

Sure the straps connected to his own should keep the flea at least close to him, but having him dangle downwards like this would only injure the raven so much worse.

"Want to fill me in on the details I'm unaware of?"

Surprised and at the very same time confused the blond frowned as a very intelligent,"What?" left his lips.

"What happened. For your brother to end up there I mean." Izaya breathed slowly.

A second of silence followed in which the blond realized just what it was that the raven was doing. He was trying to distract himself.

Hanging on his back like a lump of clothes, so weak- all strength had left his body already. Considering just how much control the raven was used to have over his body and the situations he met this kind of moment had to drive him mad.

"He almost got eaten by a titan when wall Maria got destroyed. It already had him in its grasp," Shizuo started slowly, hoping that the distraction Izaya wished for was actually going to help him a bit. "It was about to eat him, just like you before, I ripped out a tree and pierced its throat," he continued, the ground finally meeting his feet as he closed the distance. Shifting softly he ripped the wire from his maneuver gear´s socket with a simple tug, quite as if he were just tearing a wool thread. "It dropped Kasuka, but he fell from high up. His head hit the ground, some kind of wooden pillar. He is alive, but...well," Shizuo´s voice dropped a bit at the last part, remembering the moment the doctors had told him just what his brother´s condition was.

Brows furrowing, not out of pain this time the raven finished the story within his thoughts. He never woke up again, Kasuka that is. Of course, otherwise there would be no reason for the blond to be here.

Moving carefully Shizuo was walking with slow steps. Being down on the ground now he tried to stick to bushes, trees, possible hiding spots in case they did hear a titan coming from afar.

"I always hated violence you know," the blond mumbled, "I never used it as far as my awful temper allowed it. Kasuka always calmed me down too." He always did. His brother sure was something, with his expressionless face he would just stand up and get in between the blond that had been lifting trees or other dangerous projectiles and the people he intended to bash them with. There had never been a shred of fear within his glance. "But now he is in coma and the hospital that´s treating him costs more than just a bit of money- if I didn't get into the survey corps they would have just let him die like that," he finished- and… he didn't really know what he was waiting for, what he even expected the flea to say, but all of a sudden he was just terribly aware of how silent the raven had fallen on his back.

"Izaya?" he tried and suddenly the thought of him talking not being the best idea when Izaya was the one who could lose consciousness crossed his mind.

"Hn..?" his voice, so weak, reached his ears, it sounded as though he was already straining himself just to speak- it caused a sense of panic to overwhelm the blond.

He wanted to hear Izaya's voice, hear he was alive because even through his clothes he could feel it.

The warmth of his blood. Seeping through the fabric of his clothes.

If he fell silent-

"What about your sisters?" he suddenly questioned, his grip on the flea tightening just a bit as he craned his neck to glance at the raven.

"What do you mean?" Izaya questioned slowly, sounding just as tired as before.

"They live in Wall Sheena right? What are they like?" He wanted to hear Izaya's voice. Wanted to hear him speak, just so that he knew he was still alive- that he was not dead yet.

"Hyper is the word that suits Mairu best I guess, and calm for Kururi. They are opposites in every possible category." Izaya hummed softly, the two chaotic twins somehow making him smile even in this shitty situation.

"... Aren't they worried about you?" surprised by the question the raven was left to blink for a moment.

"Me?" The thought hadn't quite crossed his mind yet- or rather- this was the first time he even talked to someone about his siblings that was not Shinra. He hadn't quite brought the topic up yet.

Frowning just the slightest bit the blond´s gaze lowered to the ground as he proceeded to walk carefully.

"Well you are going out there so many times, aren't they worried you will-" the last word was on the tip of his tongue, but saying it out loud right now when the situation was this dire was somewhat-

"Die?" Izaya beat him to it, announcing what he had been thinking about without a care.

Sighing heavily Shizuo nodded.

"...yeah." Undoubtedly his sisters were going to be worried sick- hearing that their brother hadn't returned home- that the mission failed. The red signal having been shot into the air had to be seen from the wall. The troops and guardians of the wall had to have seen it and concluded the mission failed.

"They always tell me to go die so there is that," Izaya suddenly said, bursting the image of two worried sisters crying for their brother within the bat of an eyelid.

"The hell?" he questioned, his head twisting around so he could catch a glimpse of izaya's face- searching for that teasing grin he always wore, because- this had to be a joke right?

But there wasn't any hint of that. Instead the flea just shrugged softly.

"Guess this time they will get rid of me for good."

Grip tightening on the flea just a little the blond´s forhead creased into a frown.

"You are still alive," he announced firmly, but even Shizuo had realized by now just how dire the situation was.

how weak the fla´s body was growing and how cold and clammy he felt to his skin.

"Emphasize on still." Izaya responded, "You know it as well as I do if we meet a titan on our way we are done for."

The words were cold, harsh- but nothing but the truth. Letting his eyes scan their surroundings the blond looked for the monsters that caused this mess. Left and right, in the front and back- but there were none to be seen yet.

"Guess we gotta pay good attention then," he stated, passing yet another one of the huge trees that built this forest.

"You know, I have been wondering about it," the raven suddenly started, "How can you be so damn optimistic?" his voice was low, whether it was that way because he feared they might be discovered or because he was simply too weak to raise it any further was to be guessed. "Everything about you," the raven sighed, "Be it back at the training ground, and your situation was really anything but hopeful. Or your surprise over people being after me that are not titans for returning alive each and every time," Izaya resumed, still very vividly recalling the moment Shizu-chan had declared he didn't give a fuck about the rumors and didn't understand why they were being spread in the first place.

Honestly, like a child. "It's almost like you are too good for this world Shizu-chan," the raven finished- although it was nowhere near an accusation. Remaining this innocent and true to his ideals in a world like this, in a corrupted society like this was coming close to a miracle actually.

"And you? How can you deal with everything the way you do?" Shizu-chan suddenly said, throwing the raven into confusion once more.

"What do you mean?" Honestly the raven didn't know how but the blond always seemed to surprise him, always asked questions and said things that he didn't expect. Made him wonder whether the blond was smarter than he appeared or he lost too much blood already to keep up.

"Outside the wall titans are after you, inside the people think you are a murderer. Even that damned superior of yours," Shizu-chan started and there was this hint of anger hidden within his words, "It's like, everyone wants to kill you."

It reminded the blond way too much about himself- about how everyone called him a monster- he didn't quite deal with it as composed as Izaya did.

He reacted with violence only proving them right over and over again.

He longed for Izaya's strength.

Even now dangling from his back on the verge of dying he was still more calm and collected than Shizuo could ever hope to be.

"Well," Izaya hummed, "It´s true that I don't have many people who want to see me alive and kicking," he announced, almost sounding sad there for a second, "But I do." And suddenly his voice was just so smooth and light.

"My sisters," he spoke softly, "Shinra," a soft chuckle although impaired by a shortly followed gasp of pain followed at his next words, "And apparently you it seems. Except you are aiming for some sort of superior goal that I don't understand yet," he joked right after, and Shizuo couldn't help but smile at the words. "Wanna be a hero having rescued the captain perhaps?"

"Of course flea, that's it, now you got me," Shizuo agreed with the same hint of sarcasm that Izaya was showing. Something simple like a snort on the raven´s part and a curse dripping from his lips right after quickly drew them back to the crushing reality. Bursting the bubble they had been in as the raven´s hands gripped Shizuo´s shoulders just a tad tighter. It wasn't like the small laugh had hurt the raven badly- no, but it served as a grim reminder of what kind of situation they were in right now.

"Hold on, okay? I will get us home," the blond spoke softly, "Just a little bit longer." He knew Izaya wasn't going to listen to his words of encouragement, but at least Shizuo himself needed to hear them- even if they came from his own lips.

And suddenly he stopped straight in his steps.

Alerted Izaya's glance snapped up ahead- expecting to see the horror they were bound to meet outside the wall. He expected to see a pair of huge eyes staring at them, maybe a huge arms longing to grasp the meal it wanted to devour.

Except it was something entirely else that had made the blond stop.

Brown, calm it was standing there, quite lost in this wood.

"A horse," Shizu-chan said, and Izaya's response wasn't any less intelligent as he simply repeated after him.

"A horse."

For a second they were left to just stand there and look at this unexpected entity in front of their nose. The animal was sprinkled with blood, probably from its former rider, but still it was there, healthy.

"You really got an idiot´s luck," the raven sighed, and for the very first time since he got swallowed by that titan he felt something that came pretty close to a glimmer of hope that they were going to get home after all.

Yet Shizu-chan on the other hand seemed to be frowning even at this opportunity.

"But how-" he started, not quite finishing what he wanted to say.

Just the idea of putting Izaya on that horse, getting shaken would cause him a tremendous amount of pain- no matter how this was just…

Swallowing the end of his sentence the blond remained quiet, only tightening his grip on the flea´s thighs as he wondered what to do.

"What are you waiting for?" said raven breathed, either not seeing the problem or choosing not to care.

"This will hurt, you I mean, getting you on that horse and riding-" Shizu-chan started, pointing out just what it was that caused his hesitation.

… even more pain, huh? it wasn't like izaya didn't know that much already. Riding a horse in the state he was in was going to be hell, and yet-

"Just do it."

It was the only option they had, because walking all the way back was definitely going to get them both killed.

Wordlessly Shizu-chan moved over to the horse, being one of their troup it remained in place as he placed his hands on the animal and heaved himself up.

The horse was still in place not moving- and yet just from the action of getting up he could feel Izaya's weak pained grip tighten.

Instinctively he reached back, keeping ahold of the rein with one hand he tried to somehow keep Izaya in place with the other.

"Hey-"

"Go already," Izaya cut him off harshly, "The faster we are the sooner this is over," one way or another that is. Being dead was also an option to end his suffering but he wasn't going to tell the blond that out loud.

to be continued~

For everyone who wants the poor flea to be fine again already- no worries xD soon everything will be over- one way or another LMAO xD

For those who enjoy seeing the flea suffer, only one more chapter of suffering to go people TAT look forward to the next chappy xD

Oh and check out "Kandisman" and "fantakoi" on tapas! They draw two amazing -coughs- gay -coughs- comics xD They are my absolute favourite and they deserve more love for their precious art omg Plz spread the love-! Cx I would love you for it xD

Oh and I started a Shizaya doujinshie today called "Trapped" on tapas xD I will be finishing the "Falling" one I started a year ago now as well xD So feel free to check that out too if you wanna Cx I'm gonna upload a new page today there C;

A link to my tapas profile is on my fanfiction profile xD If the link doesn´t work or show up- cuz ff likes to fuck with me lol- just google "Shirohimesstories tapas"

Lol and if you want some early spoilers for the doujinshies you can look at my twitter too if you wanna xD that one should be linked to my ff profile haha xD

Well then enough ranting for today, see you again on 8th July 2018~

duhllahan: hell yeah xD someone who understand the saddistic pleasure of seeing him suffer mwahahah xD awwwww well then these chapters must be gold for you xDDD haha sowy for taking quite a qhile to update there but now I´m gonna throw these updates out regularely again C; and hey xD at least with me you will never ever have to fear that i might discontinue the story xD I will never leave a story unfinished ! I swore my soul on that lmao xD

Guest 2: awwwwww gosh you know the things you say make me ship these two even more everytime i read a review of yours x'D You know what i also love in this story? Writing Izaya "good" because he is actually selfless, he just wants his sisters to be save, Shinra, and shizuo of course ;3 but it´s so nice to not write him like a complete asshole x'Dhehe now be prepared though xD A plottwist is about to come around the corner ohoho xD and thank chu again for always helping me ;A; 3 chu are the best xD