NOTE: A reminder that there will occasionally be phrases used by characters that are not spoken in English. I've written it to flow with context, and recommend waiting until the end to get those translations if you need them.

Chapter 56: Small Crossroads

Heero didn't know what he was expecting when he finally left the office and found his way to Duo's door for the second time that day, but getting pulled inside with Duo's lips pressed against his in a fierce kiss was not an option he'd considered.

Automatically his eyes slid shut and his arms came up to pull his attacker closer. He didn't even register the door shutting softly behind them. He only registered the kiss, and one of Duo's hands on his neck while the other pulled him by his shirt. He stumbled forward until the force that jumped him steered them squarely into the living room, releasing him after two shorter and less urgent kisses.

Before he could say a word Duo purred in almost a whisper, "thank you, Heero." The declaration confused him, and it clearly showed because Duo reached to adjust Heero's collar and clarified "for wanting me around so badly you'd get the others and ask Une to open a position for me. It's sweet, if a little much."

"Duo, I—"

He stopped when a finger touched to his lips and silenced him. "I dunno if I'll take the job. And I was angry at first that you went above my head and involved other people. But I know your intentions were good. And I do appreciate the gesture."

When Duo released him he quickly whispered back "I'm sorry I was such an asshole."

Heero was rewarded and pulled immediately into a hug. Duo's warm voice resonated next to his ear. "I kinda figured as much when you texted your repentance in the morning, and if I had any doubt your offering at my door cleared that one up."

Heero held onto the hug for as long as he could. There was so much he wanted to say. How could Duo be satisfied with such a non-apology? Moreover how could he tell Duo what was plaguing his mind for the past few hours? So long as the hug didn't end he could pretend he wasn't about to drop a bomb between them. Heero tucked his face close to Duo's, breathed in the scent of his shampoo, and willed time to stop.

As their long embrace broke apart he reached to cup Duo's face in his hands. He would never tire of that face. Leaning forward he kissed him slowly, searchingly. Duo's lips automatically parted to deepen the union as an answer. After less than two days apart he missed Duo's taste and the warmth of their connection. He missed the feel of his skin, and possibly missed even more than that the feeling of his presence. Duo always had a strong presence, and he never felt a greater sense of home than when he was nearby. With all that emotion hitting him at once it pained him to pull apart and look into Duo's eyes to say what he needed to say.

"Duo…" they each still held lingering physical contact with the other, loathe to be without their touch. "This time I want to make sure we both know what I'm saying, so I'll say it in English." A twinkle of recognition in violet eyes nearly broke his heart. "I am very much in love with you." At Duo's sweet smile he added "Baka."

Heero could tell his words deeply affected him by the way he struggled a little to catch his breath. And that's why it hurt so much to interrupt Duo, just as those lips freshly swollen from kisses began to part and reply, "...but I don't know if I can handle being with you if you keep your current job."

The look of shock and sadness on Duo's face was hard to swallow. His ears dropped back and his eyes held infinite confusion. For Heero it felt like he'd kicked a puppy. It hurt to know he put that look on the face of the man he loved.

"Duo…" he reached to tuck Duo's hair behind his ear, away from his eyes. "I never meant to be the guy who tells you what you can and can't do. But every time you leave I'm so worried that you're not coming back. And I trust you." He added quickly "damnit I trust you. You're the single most driven and capable person I've ever known. When you reach a road block there's no stopping you. You always find a way, even with all the odds stacked against you." Heero sighed and looked worn. He struggled to maintain eye contact. "But it's not about you. It's about me. I'm not strong enough to deal with that uncertainty. I'm not capable of handling it emotionally, and I don't want to learn. It feels like regression."

When Duo simply stood in place, one hand lingering on Heero's arm and his eyes full of pain, Heero worried he ruined everything. Again. He watched Duo close his eyes and take a deep breath. He steeled himself for whatever was about to happen. It was scarier than facing down the last fragments of Libra and not knowing whether his actions could prevent catastrophe for Earth.

"You're different." Duo paused for a second before elaborating "From the Heero I once knew."

He felt an ache in his chest at those words. "I'm... grown up, I guess. We used to not think about tomorrow. I used to not think about tomorrow. But for a while now that's all I think about. I wanted to live back when we were kids but now I actually know what that means, and what it can be. And I really, really want to live."

With his face still holding a blank expression and his body perfectly still Duo pushed for more information.

"You know there's always a risk working with Preventers, right? Even your job isn't risk free. Quatre found me in the hospital all those months ago because you'd gotten into trouble in the field."

"I know."

"But that's okay in your eyes?"

With a sigh, he responded "It's different because we've got badges and the full force of Preventers at our backs. If I know you have backup I can live with the risks but so long as you're on your own I just... the stress kills me. I thought I left that kind of stress behind years ago. I know work can be dangerous and I'm not saying you need to leave field work behind. It's just that I need some peace of mind. I think I earned it. Otherwise what was any of our fighting for?"

Duo felt blank inside. It was as though Heero's words removed all the spark from him and the only thing that remained was an empty shell. Heero could see it, too.

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long," Duo asked, "have you felt this way?"

He should've been prepared for that question. It was reasonable. Measured. Somehow Heero never saw it coming. It took effort not to break eye contact.

"A while."

Duo's eyes got stormy but his voice remained steady. "Elaborate."

Something inside Heero told him no good would come from answering that demand. In no scenario he'd run in his head over the last several months did Duo react well to learning this truth. He took a slow and deliberate breath to prepare himself.

"I didn't feel this way back when you and I were partners—"

Duo was impatient.

"This time. How long this time?"

Heero hated the look in Duo's eyes. There was so much anger and hurt. "Since the start. Since I found out what you do. I've felt that way from the very beginning."

He watched Duo's defenses raise. That natural light in his eyes, the light he loved so much, faded out entirely. Betrayal and disappointment overtook Duo's features and Heero felt like scum. He knew hiding how he felt was a bad decision, but he did it anyway because he just wanted to enjoy himself, even if it was only for a little while. And part of him, a part of him he really hated, hoped that once he got close to Duo again the American would want him enough to leave his job. A small voice in Heero's head told him that was an underhanded move, but he ignored it, too focused on the man standing before him.

Duo's voice was guarded when he finally reacted.

"You kept it secret all this time? You held that in? From the day you and the others barged into my home and interrogated me you've felt this way? You spent months getting closer to me knowing the whole time you were just gonna... You made me feel… I let myself feel..." Duo bit his lower lip and clenched his fists. "You lead me on and tricked me into a relationship we can't even have."

The calm was terrifying. If Duo only yelled he'd know what to do. But calm and collected and disappointed Duo was ripping his heart clear from his chest. Immediately he wanted to smooth things over and make things better.

"It wasn't a trick, I ju–" he barely got a few words out when he was cut off. Duo spoke quickly, interrupting him bluntly. He wasn't sure he was hearing the words correctly.

"I'm sorry. Repeat that?"

Duo was careful to enunciate and Heero made sure to read his lips as well as listen. "I said I guess we're kinda even on the secrets then, ne?"

Heero was stunned. That was the last reaction from Duo he would ever guess.

"But I need a little time on that request, Heero. Can you give me a little time?"

With all the force of Wing propelling itself through the atmosphere and into space, Heero was hit with the realization that Duo was far from angry. There was no mistaking the pleading undertone of his voice, and it remained as he continued.

"It's just..."

Watching Duo stumble for words struck something inside of Heero and he felt all his resolve collapsing. For as much as he wanted Duo to switch his job, for all the months he spent worried and building courage to make his request, it killed him to see the result. Duo was struggling, and his immediate reaction was to take away whatever was causing him duress. But he couldn't take himself away. And he shouldn't change his core feelings. Not even for Duo, who was finally finding words again.

"It's just a lot. It's a big decision and I need time. I can't. I can't be making a choice like that for you. You get that, right? I can't do it for you. I won't. It's gotta be for me. So I need time."

Though it wasn't a sweeping declaration that love would have him do anything at all for him, it was, in itself, a declaration of love. Heero was smart enough to realize that Duo was asking for a chance to pick a future without any risk of resentment towards him. Against all odds, and after fighting so hard against them even getting back together, Duo was going to look within and decide what he wanted. He was going to ensure if he chose a path forward with Heero, it would be one on equal footing and without scores to keep or regrets. He found it surprisingly romantic.

"Yes, of course." Heero smiled. "Of course you can have time! Arigatou."

Duo was so relieved not to have Heero fight him for an immediate answer that flew at him, hugging him tightly. For having so little distance to gain momentum he managed to knock Heero completely off balance. Stumbling backwards, Heero avoided the coffee table and tripped, landing uncomfortably on the couch with Duo on top of him. How the braided man slept on a cheap sofa every night blew his mind. Laughing a little, he reached for his lower back to rub a sore spot that hit the arm rest at a bad angle. They laid there for a while, Duo snuggling into his side, though neither was particularly comfortable. Eventually Heero spoke, still a little dazed.

"So to recap: We agree I'm an asshole. And we're okay with that since I can and will learn my lesson. And you're going to get the time you need to figure out what you want to do next with Preventers. And after that we re-evaluate."

Duo's voice was muffled by his position, pressed against Heero, when he asked "Why are we recapping?"

"Because I keep hearing communication is important."

Duo found a way to lean a little further into his side. "Okay. If we're recapping that's almost right. You just forgot how you're not the only asshole here, and also how you're in love with me."

"Ah. Yes. That."

Heero looked around the room unsure of himself, immediately consumed by awkwardness. But when he felt Duo shift to look up at him from where he was laying he had to meet that gaze. He fell right into violet orbs and wasn't sure he'd ever be able to pull himself out.

"You also kinda ruined it, with the whole not being able to be with me thing. Couldn't let a guy enjoy the first part before springing the rest on him?"

Heart sinking, Heero replied "Duo I didn't mean to—" but was cut off.

"It's cool. You're not the first man to declare his love for me this month it's not that special."

Heero blinked. "What?"

With a small smile Duo leveraged himself until he was above Heero, straddling his lap and leaning over his torso. He reached to brush a hand through Heero's hair. "I've never had a man tell me he loved me before, and I got two confessions in the span of something like 3 weeks. Honestly I thought if anyone would be my first confession it would be you. But you're a bit late for that."

Heero shifted, suddenly much more uncomfortable. He attempted to sit up and get a good look at Duo from a more equal angle, but the American only continued to pin him in place. Blue eyes held confusion above all else. "Wait. Are you serious? You're serious. Who else confessed to you? Do I have competition?"

Duo didn't respond at all, he only kept eye contact, his hand still slowly playing with dark locks. Heero panicked.

"Are we not exclusive? It never occurred to me to ask, I just assumed..."

Violet eyes remained fixed on him, watching as Heero floundered for words and squirmed from under his grasp.

"Oh fuck. Are we not exclusive?"

With complete nonchalance Duo shrugged and asked "Do you wanna be? I'd be game, but I'm pretty sure if you wanna fight the other guy for me you'll lose. He's much more skilled in hand-to-hand combat and could totally take you in a fight."

"Wait, WHAT?"

Duo couldn't keep a straight face anymore and started to laugh at his own joke. "It's Wufei, you idiot. He loooooves me. He's my family and if he doesn't approve of how you treat me we're gonna have some uncomfortable holidays. So behave yourself and watch your back because there's no way he's picking you over me, we're well past that."

To hear it was Wufei was a relief, and the way Duo elongated the word "loves" caused a slow smile to overtake Heero's face. For a harrowing moment he really thought that Duo was seeing someone else. They hadn't actually discussed if he was single when their lives intersected again. With his job causing him to travel so much he could've easily been seeing someone in another city or country. The assumption that he was single was based on what he knew of Duo's character. He'd never date multiple people in secret. Trust was important to him, and Heero knew he'd be open if he was seeing anyone else, too.

Knowing all of that didn't stop him from falling into full on panic at Duo's teasing, though.

But Wufei? Heero could work with Wufei. He was relieved those two were able to form such a strong connection, and delighted to see the light in Duo's eyes and he declared Wufei loved him and was his family. He made a note to thank Wufei at some point in the future for giving Duo such a precious gift, and wondered just how long his list of things to thank his friend for would become before he finally told the man how much he appreciated him. More importantly, for all the joy he saw in his baka, he knew Duo was providing Wufei the same.

He could see it in his friend's general demeanor. After texting or talking to Duo he always seemed more relaxed and casual. Sometimes there was a glimmer in Wufei's eyes that just screamed I was just texting Duo and the look could only be described as mirthful. Whatever deep friendship those two forged was good for both of them. It brought out the best in them, and Heero would never jeopardize that relationship.

He remained lost in his thoughts until Duo spoke and got his full attention back.

"I never got to tell you if I'm in love with you, too."

He could feel his throat closing off, but managed to say "No, you didn't."

"Do you want me to?"

Heero didn't tell him it was what he wanted more than anything. He didn't admit he was feeling very insecure for a while and needed reassurance. He didn't admit that as easy as it finally felt to confess his own feelings the one-sided nature of the confession weighed on him. Under no circumstance was he ready to admit his needs. Instead, he replied in a soft voice with the only honest answer he was capable of giving.

"Only if you mean it."

Duo turned to look at him with an unreadable expression. The anticipation in Heero was palpable. He thought it was silly to feel excitement and anxiety over the possibility of a few words, but his emotions roared to life. Neither of them said those words the last time they were a couple and he was ready for them now. He almost resented Duo for not saying them years ago, before he'd grown up enough to realize that forcing someone else to do all the emotional labor in a relationship was unfair and unhealthy.

Without preamble Duo pulled closer until their faces were barely apart. He dropped his voice, husky and low, and said with half lidded eyes and full confidence "Te diré que estoy enamorado de ti cuando esté listo," and then drew out a long rolling R for "cariño."

It took him a few seconds to process what exactly just happened and then Heero burst into laughter, pulling Duo into his chest and wrapping him in a tight hug. "Okay, okay" he said as he caught his breath and Duo pulled back again. "I get it. I already admitted I'm an asshole. You didn't need to prove the point by flipping the script." He loved the way Duo looked at him like a cat playing with prey. That look spelled trouble. Wonderful, brilliant trouble. "So how long until you let this go and forgive me?"

A glint in Duo's eyes tipped him off before he got his confirmation. "I dunno… I happen to have a lot of languages to pull from in my back pocket. This could go on for some time. If words are that important to you, ya might wanna ditch me and find someone else."

"So you are mad."

That playful tone in Duo's voice remained. "A bit, yeah. I'm not a fucking saint, ya know? But we've both done things we shouldn't have." His grin was infectious, and Heero felt his own beginning to tug at the corners of his lips.

Duo sat fully up to straddle him again, their eyes locked onto each other the whole time.

"I'm mostly still teasing you because you legit stole the thunder from your own confession. You know the whole time we were together before I never once thought I'd live to hear you say those words? And then you finally get that courage and confidence and ruin the whole thing! That'll take time for you to live down."

Wrapping the end of Duo's braid around his hand, Heero whispered "I'm sorry."

"It's a fuckin' emotional roller-coaster with you, cariño. If you got any future declarations up your sleeve please shape up before you act on them. I'd like at least a little stability before the next drop." Duo shot him an annoyed and suspicious look. "You didn't like, go to Relena for advice on this, did you?"

Heero just blinked at him and loosened his grip on the braid. "What? No. I haven't talked to her in at least a week."

Duo's shoulder's slumped and he let out a sigh, tilting his head backwards. "Fan fuckin' tastic!" He looked back to Heero once more. "I'd hate if you confessing you love me was in any way related to her. I'm not sure I'd ever get over that!" He gave Heero a wry grin. "I deserve a few nice memories to look back on in my life, yanno?" He then got closer and dropped his voice into a sultry tone. "But you messing this up is nothing time and a little attention won't fix."

Heero raised himself enough place a soft kiss on Duo's lips. As they parted he whispered "give you nice memories: Ninmu ryokai."

Duo smiled and leaned forward. "Sounds good to me." He stretched out against Heero once more and snuggled into his side. Softly he added, almost as an afterthought, "It does get exhausting, though."

The last part was worrisome for Heero. "What does?"

"Oh, you know. How some things never change." Duo shifted to gesture with his hands. They were once again uncomfortably wedged on his sofa with Heero now half falling out and Duo pressed against the back of the furniture piece.

"The day we met it was pretty obvious to anyone that you were the bad guy. I even told ya as much. And just like that day, every single time there's a fight or a rift, I stand around wonderin how it's me who always ends up as the bad guy. No shared blame, just me." He paused for a second. "But you're getting better at that. Sharing blame. Even if it takes a little time."

The honesty of those words hit Heero hard. Even as Duo played like it wasn't a big deal, and maybe right that second it wasn't, their dynamic of Heero doing something wrong and Duo being punished plainly wore at him. Thankfully that was something Heero could work to fix.

In the meantime he took a cue from Duo's casual tone and posited "If we're going all the way back to the day we met, maybe I'd be less of an ass if you'd only shot me one time?"

In response Duo rolled his eyes and affectionately punched his arm, mumbling "maybe I really should be lookin for another guy on the side."

Heero's whole self came alive at those words. "Not a chance! You're mine, Duo Maxwell. And so long as you agree to those terms, I'm not sharing."

The playfulness from earlier came back into Duo's eyes. "And you're mine, Heero Yuy. You're stuck with me. Don't you forget that."

With the more serious air between them finally broken Heero adjusted their positions on the cursed sofa, partially standing to gain the leverage needed to slide Duo onto his back.

He sat next to him on the edge of the couch, hovering over with his hands pressed into the cushions above Duo's shoulders. He loved looking at him from this angle because in those moments they were the only two people in the world. "That's good news. That'll carry me through all your various languages, punishing me until you use one I understand. I think you might just be worth the wait to be fully forgiven. But for the record…" he leaned a little closer. Their noses almost touched and his dark hair was pulled by gravity to mix into Duo's. "You know I love it when you speak Spanish."

The callback sent Duo erupting into laughter. It was beautiful.

Heero loved being the cause of Duo's unbridled joy. And he would put in the work to make sure he wasn't the cause of Duo's pain.

TRANSLATION FOOTNOTES

Te diré que estoy enamorado de ti cuando esté listo, cariño - means "I'll tell you I'm in love with you when I'm ready, dear" in Spanish.