-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 22: Heavy smell -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
Annoying.
Annoying.
Beep. beep. beep.
Like a knife gliding through his head the regular sound of a machine kept tormenting the raven's head. Everything was dull.
Hazy.
It took the man a small while to realize the beeping came in tune to his own heartbeat. His limbs felt heavy and his conscience even more so as he struggled to gain enough brain capacity to stay awake and assess his surroundings.
It was amazing how much effort it could take to execute an action as simple as opening his eyes.
Glassy, dull blotches of brown, white and grey started to take on shape, forming what he believed was the ceiling. One would think the ceiling wasn't going to give him much information about his whereabouts but it did. Because it meant he was inside a room inside a building.
Or in other words safe.
No titans, no blue scary sky or the feeling of air moving.
Just the annoying beeping of machines.
Closing them again the raven decided upon this new but precious information he could take his time getting a clear head. Just moving his eyes was already intensifying his headache and he didn't want it to increase any further if not necessary.
He had troubles recollecting what had happened.
He recalled the battlefield.
The faces.
Blood. Everywhere. Guts.
The titan´stomach.
His own stomach did a small backflip at the memory and it made him feel trapped even more when he realized he couldn't move his limbs freely.
He felt his pulse race. His skin sweat.
He knew those were the first signs of panic that was arising from this memory and he tried to shove it aside as well as humanly possible.
Snapping his eyes back open he cursed the motion the second he had acted upon it.
But the short amount of sight unexpectedly had given him the distraction he had seeked.
Shizu-chan.
He was there.
He wasn't sure whether he was standing, sitting, or leaning anywhere, the glimpse he had caught had been too short and blurry to judge.
But he was here.
And it calmed him to a tremendous degree.
This was not the battlefield anymore.
This was not the titan's stomach.
He was home.
No matter where it was, he was safe.
Right now.
Right here.
Hearing the annoying beeping sounds slow down, Izaya only realized now that it had been his own heartbeat accelerating and beeping on the machines.
Like a mirror getting smashed he realized he was inside a hospital. Inside the walls.
Shinra had to have been here.
Heavy silence decorated the room. It irked the raven. Considering Shizu-chan was here it should be anything but quiet.
Once more he attempted to open his eyes, and this time he wanted to keep them open.
Light was flooding his senses and he squinted into the sun entering the room by a window on the side.
Blond hair was reflecting in the gleam- unexpectedly close.
Izaya wanted to speak, but his throat felt as though he were swallowing needles upon trying to do so and he decided to leave it.
Not only because it hurt, but also because he realized his voice would fall on numb ears.
Shizu-chan was asleep.
That mob of blond hair resting against the wall, Shizu-chan was sitting on a chair, arms crossed and in a deep slumber.
It only took him one more glance to notice his clothing. The dirt, the blood everywhere.
Izaya´s blood.
Dried and warm the stench of it filled the air, suffocating the raven in a way it could only do to him. It made him feel sick to the stomach.
No one else was probably able to smell it like that, but his memory helped a good deal to recall what it had been like to feel that warmth leave his body and his life with it all the same.
"Izaya-" surprised by the voice the raven tilted his head- a tad too fast he realized a second too late as his body gladly reminded him of how broken he was.
Shizu-chan was awake.
Had he retched or something? Or moved? Nothing he did should have been loud enough to wake the man.
Then again that guy had gut feelings beyond anyone's expectations. Maybe he just had a hunch Izaya woke up and that's why he was now looking at him with those deep brown eyes of his.
Well no matter what it was, Izaya neither had the energy nor the words to speak yet. His mind was still too much in a haze to really think straight.
Either Shizu-chan felt the same or he actually understood as comforting silence wrapped the two again.
Maybe he was waiting for the raven to speak. Or he didn't know what to say himself.
If it just weren't for that stench of blood clouding the raven´s senses.
"You look gross," raspy and quiet those words wrecked their way out of Izaya's tender throat as he wondered just why the man had to even sit there in unchanged clothes.
"Yeah, someone happened to dump his entire blood on me," Shizu-chan replied, causing the raven´s lips to tug upwards a bit.
"What a bastard."
"Indeed. He scared the hell outta me."
Scared the hell out of him, huh? Indeed, he believed that. It was odd. It had been ages since anyone even gave a shit about what he was doing, how he was doing, scaring someone with his condition was new to the raven.
Not unpleasant, but new.
Shizu-chan looked worn out, tired, exhausted and everything Izaya was, except for the pain he supposed. The lengths he had gone to save him were no simple matter nor had Izaya expected it.
It was funny, but by chance his predictions had been right.
Shizu-chan had indeed been an important asset to his team. Without him- Izaya didn't want to think about it.
And neither did he want to smell that stench.
"Sorry, can you change?" his voice was shaky, "The smell is kinda freaking me out."
As if he had issued an order Shizu-chan shot up from the chair- and did his best at executing the wish, by removing his clothing that is.
The vest, the belts, the shirt-
"I didn't tell you to strip naked," Izaya threw in, but to be fair the moment Shizu-chan tossed those pieces of cloth out of the room he felt relieved.
"I will leave my pants on, idiot." Shizu-chan announced, now really in nothing but his pants.
There was blood on them too, but at least it wasn't as prominent as the red blotched that had stained his white shirt.
Izaya could at least ignore the visuals that way.
"You aren´t trapped here, you can change at home and sleep for that matter."
A pause followed.
A pause that was suspiciously long for the raven´s taste.
"What, is your bed at the dormitory not comfortable enough?"
Still no word.
It seemed as though the blond wanted to tell him something but doubted whether he should or not. It irked the man. Especially since he was used to knowing more than his opposing parties- not the other way round.
"Shizu-chan?" he started again, hoping the man would spill what he knew without him having to waste more precious energy.
"... there was someone in front of your door," the words came slow, but didn't lose any of the threatening air that came with them. "I don't´know who it was, but Shingen implied stuff and… yeah."
Izaya knew.
Of course he knew.
He hadn't expected the blond to have caught up on something as complicated as his relationship with the uppers but he bet his guts had just told him the danger of the man he had seen.
Who had it been? Shiki? Maybe one of his underlings?
Ah. Then again he just returned from a trip where, again, almost all of his comrades got killed. Sure, Shizu-chan survived, but that's it. All the other members had probably had family- while Shizu-chan had no one that would be glad he survived. At least not alive and kicking that is. That being said he wouldn't put it beyond the villagers to have tried to take matters into their own hands.
Well whatever it was they both had the same goals.
"Noone would investigate if I died at this point in time, it's natural," he concluded aloud. Anger started to radiate from the blond at his words as his fists clenched visibly.
"I don't get why they are doing this, aren't we all on the same side?" he asked, quiet, but the ferocity was still imminent. "First the court, then this- why even bother and ask if they just-" The raven´s ears perked at that.
"Court?"
…
Silence again.
"Shizu-chan, what court?"
A mixture of the blond avoiding, yet searching for the raven's eyes followed as he struggled with words.
"... do you... remember me coming here?"
Shizu-chan?
Or wait.
He did.
A little.
"Fragments. But it's hazy to be honest." He recalled the man coming here, rambling about something. About his brother? No.
Wait yes. Yes about his brother and some deal they offered him.
"Ah. They wanted you to rat me out, right?" The raven half concluded, half remembered.
"Something like that yeah." Shizu-chan responded, but something irked the raven about it. Something was off, but he couldn't put a finger on it. Shizu-chan got up from the chair, moved around without really going anywhere. He seemed as though he wasn't feeling comfortable in his own skin.
"You should sleep, you don't look good," he mumbled while doing so, eyes locked onto the window.
"What a compliment."
Izaya had missed something.
Something important it seemed.
Something the blond had told him when he came here, but didn't seem to have the guts to repeat. Usually he would worm his way around, he would try to get the information he wanted via various sources, but with Shizu-chan it might be better to just go for direct confrontation.
"Is that all we talked about?"
"Yeah."
He was lying.
"You sure?"
"I am."
He was definitely lying.
To be honest Izaya thought the man would be incapable of doing something as simple as to lie, but right now all his senses told him he was.
Maybe not intentionally, but he was hiding something.
And it wasn't exactly hard to notice either.
"So you are going to stay here until they show up, to rip their head off?" Izaya questioned in hope that changing the topic might give him some clues as to what was worming the blond to this degree.
He hadn't expected it to hit bulls eye.
"Do you want me to be gone?"
It was a simple sentence. But worded heavily, like he meant something else entirely. The blond had sat down on the chair again.
He was looking at his hands. They seemed cold, sweaty.
Something was bothering the man to the degree it was visible.
"... come on tell me." Izaya tried again.
"What?" But Shizu-chan was playing dumb. Or maybe he really didn't understand what the raven was getting at.
"I'm injured, are you really going to fuck with an injured man?" he questioned instead, trying to lure the blond with pity, "Might be my dying wish too."
A frown crossed Shizu-chan´s expression and his posture tensed.
"Can you shut up?"
"No." If there was anything the raven was good at, then it was teasing the blond to the point he snapped. "Though I gotta admit speaking hurts, so except you wanna take over I guess I will be forced to rant on."
Silence.
"Wow you are cruel Shizu-chan, you must really like to see me suffer!"
And then he snapped.
"I turned into a monster!" Shizuo hated himself for it. For what had happened in the forest. For what he had become. For being here when there was no telling if or when that shit would happen again.
Hell he might as well change right here right now again and kill Izaya- maybe even eat him-
The thought made him feel sick to this stomach.
"That's what we talked about if you want to know so bad, how I turned into- into that creature and-" he faded out. He didn't want to talk about this.
If he could he just wanted to ignore what had happened.
Just forget.
Like Izaya had about their conversation.
But now that he had reminded him he was probably not going to shut up about it.
Izaya's memory might be bad, and hazy at the moment, but he did remember what happened in the woods. What he hadn't expected was the blond´s reaction to it.
A monster huh…
"You didn't tell anyone else except me, right?" A deep frown carved into the man´s expression as he shook his head. This time it was Izaya's turn to feel relief.
The way Shizu-chan reacted to the latest course of events left Izaya thinking he might have told someone about it. Maybe Kadota, Karisawa or Shinra- maybe even someone else because he felt the need to be punished for something he obviously hadn't known himself nor control over.
It would have been the best explanation as to why the blond felt the sudden urge to degrade himself to nothing but that monster he had transformed into.
Which he wasn't.
"So?" Izaya questioned, "Where is the problem?" causing the man to lift his head and bewildered stare once more.
"I am the fucking problem. You saw what I did, you saw what I looked like, I-" but to Shizuo´s surprise the raven merely shrugged- of course not without hissing softly at the pain the otherwise so easy action caused.
"I might not remember much, but that part I recall quite vividly, you transformed in what I would call a desperate attempt to save my life." Izaya went on, not really giving the blond any time to keep bathing in pity. "If you hadn't transformed right then, right there, I would be dead. Do you prefer that option?"
"... no."
"See? Honestly comparing yourself with a monster might be correct, in terms of strength, in terms of that transformation, sure, of course," Izaya went on, the task of simply talking oddly fatiguing compared to usual. But he wanted to get clear with the blond. Having him run around hacking his head over a topic like this wasn't exactly safe considering his tempter. "But not when it comes to your actions. Compared to that you are a saint. Carrying me all the way back to the wall, not backing down in the slightest. Defending me at court-"
"You remember that?" Shizuo had thought Izaya wasn't able to recall anything that happened prior to the long operation Shinra had executed. The flea hummed.
"Only a rough gist, but they offered you a sweet deal in order to get rid of me, and you didn't take it. That's more than I would expect from anyone inside these walls," Izaya explained as he looked the blond into the eyes. "So to hell with that transformation. I'm glad it's you who can pull it off, because imagine someone like Shiki had this power- he would use it, and not in humanities favour, that's for sure."
…
It made sense.
It made an awful amount of sense, what the raven had just said. Grasping his head the blond sighed softly.
"Then what am I supposed to do now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Train. Make yourself useful. Go to the science department." The suggestion didn't sit well with the blond. Izaya was doing his best to cheer him up, he already got that much, but right now in his situation…
"To Shinra?" He just couldn't stop the ringing tune that had filled his ears ever since Kadota had praised him for killing the monster. For turning that woman in.
That traitor-
"Say they want to find the source of your strength to strengthen our troops. It should be enough of a reason to not send you outside the walls while I'm out of order." Izaya explained. Because after what Shizu-chan had done at court, no matter how he did it, but just simply not giving Shiki what he had wanted had put Shizu-chan despite him not even considering it on his list.
On that list of people that he wanted to get rid of.
Because they weren't open to manipulation and bribery.
"You mean my strength as a monster?" Shizu-chan questioned, the sound of his words oddly bitter to Izaya's ears.
"Shizu-chan, do I need to remind you that every word I speak fatigues me? So listen closely because I won't repeat myself another time." The blond swallowed, guilt started to overwhelm him- for what he did. For forcing the raven to speak and fatigue himself even further just because he couldn't deal with what he had done and-
"You. Are not a monster."
And suddenly the storm in his ears stopped.
Lifting his eyes that he hadn't realized he had directed to the floor again he looked at the man. "I would choose your company over those of normal humans any time available."
He was serious.
Damn pale, looking more sickly than alive, but clearly honest.
Funny how he used to hate this guy and now he felt like the first person apart from his brother that he could trust- he was trying to make him feel better, and oddly enough it worked.
"Now listen to what I say. I'm your superior after all," Izaya sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment of rest. "Go pick up Shinra, I can hear him snore from outside the corridor, then train. Heal. Shingen will watch out for me if you worry about that so get some sleep," the raven paused, then glanced at the blond who was still sitting there half dressed with nothing but blood stained pants on him. "and a shower."
Shizuo couldn't help but snort.
Yes.
"Got it." Izaya knew what he was doing. Shizuo didn't, but Izaya had so much experience in fights, with titans, with how things worked inside those hypocrites walls- he was a captain he could truly trust.
…
…
…
Silence filled the room.
A certain man was looking up at the ceiling, not quite sure what had happened, nor how he got here. A hospital. Wires were attached left and right- a tube blocked his throat and kept him from speaking.
What was going on?
And suddenly there was a shadow approaching the bed.
A syringe flashed in the light of the setting sun and pierced one of the tubes connected to his body. His thoughts got stirred up, the haze took over before the man could think straight and a numb feeling clutched his body.
"Sorry but we can't have you breathing yet, Hanejima Kasuka."
To be continued~
HO HO the miracle has happened and an update has been done~! xD It´s been a while since I touched this story, I hope it doesn't show too much. C:
Sooo updating twice a month is starting to work- although I only got 2 of my 5 wished updates done lmao
BUT
I will keep trying to improve xD
With that being said~ see you on 15th of March C;