-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 27: In vain -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
How did it get up here?
Time seemed to have slowed down. The cover of the tarpaulin agonizingly slowly slid off the Titan's frame as it emerged. Izaya knew it. The second he laid eyes upon the monster- someone had lured the beast up here. Knowing he couldn't escape with his condition- or rather, he could try- but with his speed?
Blood he should have seen earlier was seeping from underneath the cover.
The creature's legs had been mutilated leaving a disgusting sight to witness. It couldn't jump, couldn't walk- just worm its way forward. Too slow for any healthy human, but fast enough for an injured one.
The moment he laid eyes on it the fact was clear as daylight.
It had been designed to kill no one but him.
Shikis order- this. This was the real goal. With the guards gone and no one here as night fell there would be no witness to even speak about the raven having been eaten.
No one was going to see or hear him.
Certainly there had been guards placed up here to assure his safety, but knowing Shiki they either had been bribed to take care of him or to just stand by while the titan did its work.
For better or worse he had sent them away to reinforce their members- maybe he should have paused to wonder why they seemed so ready to join the fight despite stuttering on a simple command. Usually people were more … averse to put themselves into danger if not necessary. But seeing how those two had almost seemed glad to be able to leave they had probably been in on this all along.
He had failed to uncover Shiki´s plan.
Checkmate.
Staying up there for even a second longer would mean his head being chopped off by that titan´s teeth.
Like hell he was going to let Shiki choose how he died.
A bitter smile cracked along Izaya's features as he realized his loss and time returned to its original setting.
"Sorry buddy."
The chair was cast aside and the raven took the only step he was able to take.
His back facing the ledge while his eyes met the monster.
"You won't get to eat me."
His heart was pumping harshly- like it wanted to jump out of his chest and grab the ledge on its own to prevent what was inevitable death. But no muscle in Izaya's body moved- no countermeasure was taken as he felt his balance shift.
It was funny, all of this, from the second he spotted the titan to the monster coming over and the sky meeting Izaya's eyes it had been merely a couple seconds that had passed.
And yet they felt like a whole eternity as his body gave in to the gravity of the fall.
Having spent half his life in mid-air, with the help of his maneuver gear he thought he knew what the word freedom meant. He thought he was already close to what the term flying described.
And yet the gush of air racing past him- with no maneuver gear, no weight dragging him down and nothing to think about like the next place to land or shoot his wires in, was refreshingly peaceful. There was no fear- pain wasn't anything he hadn't gotten used to over the past years. If anything- then it was regret. Regret as he watched that titan fall off the wall itself in an attempt to follow the raven.
Regret as various faces flashed through his mind.
Mairu.
Kururi.
Shinra.
…
Shizu-chan.
Izaya´s body tensed by itself- it was funny, because what good would it do once he smashed into the ground? He would burst open like a ripe fruit.
Adrenaline surged in his veins- with no ability to act it made the fall only seem that much longer and it only caused it to feel so much more devastating.
Fear closed his eyes shut. Tight. Kinda gross, the last thing he had seen would be a chopped up titan covered in blood, falling down right after him.
And so he readied himself for the impact of the hard ground- for his bones snapping in an instant and his conscience disappearing in the blink of an eye.
Except they did not.
Harsh he felt his back crash into the surface. A surface that was surprisingly soft- an impact that left his bones intact- Everything turned, his body twisted- Izaya wanted to open his eyes but everything happened so fast he couldn't. Flailing around like a helpless child he tried to hold onto anything in reach- and actually grasped what seemed like fabric.
With a final loud crash the spiraling motion came to a halt, forcing all air out of his lungs as his back met stone.
Dizziness and confusion assaulted his senses- he expected pain- but much more than he felt at the moment. He expected his sanity to tear and disappear and most importantly-
He expected to be dead.
And yet he could feel. The air around him. He could hear the noise of titans close by, of his recruits screaming orders to each other. He could smell and taste the dust and dirt having been thrown up into the air.
Finally his eyes shot open.
Above the wall.
He could see.
He could see the wall. The titan that had jumped after him, completely smashed like a cooked potato on the ground. All evidence of it ever having been up there was gone.
Harsh breathing stemming not from his own body but another caught his next immediate attention.
"How did that get up there?!" Blond hair. Dirtied perhaps, but still so distinctive even while night fell it only took the raven the brink of a second to determine its owner.
Shizu-chan.
And finally the dots connected.
Like a miracle everything put itself into place as the raven realized what had just happened. Shizu-chan had somehow been near the wall. Had somehow even at night happened to see him fall from top of it. Despite not being able to handle his own gear at all he had somehow managed to get himself up into the air and crash into Izaya. Interrupting his straight fall to death and causing both of them to crash into a roof nearby.
Cold the tiles of the smashed roof they were currently sprawled on pressed into Izaya's back. He could feel hot liquid run down his back and didn't need to be a genius to know he had suffered deep cuts.
But what did it matter? He was alive.
"What the hell- '' Cusses and curses left the blond´s mouth as he peeled himself off the roof. He seemed agitated- adrenaline probably had taken the upper hand in him as well as blood seemed from various sources of his body but he didn't seem to care. Or maybe it was that of titans?
Izaya couldn't discern them- hell he couldn't even talk, that's the amount of shock that was still settled in his bones as though it had decided to move in with him. Shock- and an incredible feeling of loss.
"Shizu-chan, why are you here?" the words followed up slowly, snapping the blond out of his rant of anger. Glances were exchanged, his eyes quickly drawing up and down the raven´s body as he stepped closer.
"I saw the reinforcements leave the wall- Are you okay?" Shizu-chan quickly answered, his hands suddenly all over Izaya as he tried to discern any serious injuries.
"And you figured I was alone? On top of a safe wall?" the raven slowly mumbled, not in the slightest seeming worried whether he had gotten hurt or not. It worried the blond. Izaya seemed completely out of it and it only grew worse when his lips suddenly curled into a smile.
A sick smile.
And suddenly he burst laughing.
For no reason, he just started to laugh as if he had just heard the funniest joke in his entire life-
"Izaya?" Shizuo tried- unsure of what to do. He was flashed. Izaya had always remained collected, always in charge of everything. If anyone lost his mind here and then, then it was him, but not his captain.
"He brought a titan onto the wall!" Izaya suddenly exclaimed, "What effort it must have taken!" And suddenly that laughing expression broke. Like a glass of crystal would when knocked over there suddenly were webs of cracks creeping along the surface. "The survey troops stand for freedom, for trying to reclaim land, to reclaim the world-" the raven rambled on, his expression growing more and more bitter by the second. "The guards, they are supposed to defend what little we already have- the king's guards- despite being useless they still do their job-"
Izaya had never really thought much of their glorious system. Of how some people were more protected than others, about how the wall had been split up in three parts, how the royal guard, the most skilled of all, were stationed at the center where close to no danger was set. But even then-
"Everyone- every last one is trying to fight the titans in their own way-"
Silence crept in for just a second, only confusing the blond even more.
"But Shiki?" Upon hearing the name the blond flinched. He had no idea what was going on, what the raven was talking about-
"Just how messed up do you have to be to capture a titan and use it to take out humans- people must have gotten killed by it-"
Until now.
Like a thread of iron, realization choked the blond. Izaya's laughter had stopped instead it was replaced by an expression of terror. Confusion. Despair.
"Why are we even fighting for humanity when we seem to do everything in our power to lose that trait?"
It was a war on both sides
This wasn't just a war against the titans. This was a war against themselves.
Nothing anybody could win.
Just so- messed up.
Shiki probably never planned on taking back any land for wall Maria. He probably couldn't even care less if they protected the wall. The people- he just showed to which lengths he was willing to go.
Izaya was at a loss. Everything he had done so far suddenly seemed so neglectable. Useless.
He was confused, he was despaired, he just- wished someone could take his place. Just for a week.
So he could rest in peace.
This time it had been a bit too much.
Everything.
The control he thought he had was slipping from his hands. He felt like he was being drowned alive. The fall was long over, the immediate threat of death by a titan or by a crash had been averted. And yet Izaya felt as if he still were in the middle of that fall.
And the reality of not being able to worm his way out of his position was laughing while sitting on his chest like an iron demon.
"... Leutnant Shiki- sent a titan after you to kill you?"
It felt like minutes had passed- when it must have been barely a few seconds as the blond voiced the obvious conclusion.
Shizuo was speechless- he couldn't reply- he understood what the raven was going on about- at least somewhat. Shizuo had headed here just in case, because he saw Izaya's guards help the other troops. It had been nothing but pure luck and coincidence that he came just in time to see Izaya fall from the wall. He had thought that a titan had appeared on top of the wall by chance. He had thought Izaya had been knocked off by accident.
Realizing now that all of this and Izaya's death had been planned- it was like someone had twisted a knot into his stomach.
It was painful.
Painful to realize what the raven had. To know what Izaya had been through and dealing with all life long only to be set out to be killed.
Every loss Izaya suffered, every pain he endured, every solution he planned- all for nothing. After seeing so many deaths- in vain… everything they had done up until now had just become meaningless.
It would cause a normal conscience to break.
Immense anger but at the same time calmth entered the blond. Unnatural calmth.
"We need to get away from here."
This was not the place nor the time. Apart from the fact that they both really needed to visit Shinra to get checked up they were in the middle of a battlefield. At night. With titans possibly surrounding them from every direction.
Izaya merely nodded. His expression seemed dull. Like someone had robbed him of the will to go on.
It broke Shizuo to see him like that.
And yet he couldn't say anything.
Not a word of comfort- not a goal they could head for next- because honestly? What was there?
They both got up from the ground. Shizuo helped Izaya, seeing as his legs were still out of order. He seemed to be hurting, but not too bad. The bleeding from his back didn't seem too bad either. It had to have been a shallow wound.
Izaya didn't notice.
Didn't feel anything as they went on.
Somehow his surroundings seemed like a haze. Disconnected. Like he wasn't even participating in what was happening.
They got back up the wall.
Within a matter of half an hour the recruits returned, none died this time.
He should be elated. Happy. For once he did not have to face sobbing widows or despaired mothers that cursed him for being alive.
And yet Izaya was far from happy. He didn't break down. He didn't cry, he didn't laugh- he just did his job.
A report was handed to Mikado.
A report for Shiki.
"Shizuo, how about you?" Turning his head Shizuo averted his attention from the raven to the bespectacled doctor in front of him.
Shinra had been one of the firsts to arrive at the scene, treating anyone that had been injured during this first part of their mission.
"I'm fine," he quickly answered- his eyes guiding back to the place Izaya had been standing in.
But he was gone.
"What about Izaya?"
.
.
.
Izaya.
Izaya was fine.
Physically speaking that is. Shinra had checked up on him. The wound on his back actually stemmed from a cut in his shoulder. Not too deep to be dangerous but deep enough to bleed like there was no tomorrow. It had taken a couple stitches and two layers of bandage to fix it up.
Nothing compared to how badly he ruined his legs on their last trip. He should be happy. They survived. All of them. The whole troup.
And yet- he was far from that.
Letting the door slip shut the raven found himself inside his room.
Everything was still in place just as usual. The bed on the left, the bookshelves- the small desk and chair coupled with a lamp.
He was in his room.
Everything was fine.
Grasping his head left and right the raven slid down the door.
Suddenly the training sessions with Shizu-chan came to mind. That guy was so blissfully simple, it had a calming effect on him as well. Strong, smart in his own way and diligent like no second was after Izaya himself.
Somehow thinking about the blond was oddly calming. Spending time with him as well.
Honesty.
That's what it was.
Swallowing hard the raven glanced at the pieces of paper he had been handed. In exchange for his report on the mission he had received new recruits' papers from Mikado.
Of course.
Shiki always had a back up plan. It would be weird if he just so happened to not have any duties for Izaya the day he died.
In a burst of anger he flinged them into the wall.
Everything.
Everything was just a fucking game to him!
A chair was thrown, the desk flipped over, the contents flying everywhere.
Just a fucking game!
He was sick of it- of everything.
Book after book found its way onto the ground in what could only be described as a rampage of pure anger- only for his legs to give away as he slumped to the ground.
Ironically facing the papers showing one of the new recruits right underneath.
"What am I even supposed to do?" Like a butterfly's wing the frustration question slipped from Izaya's lips.
"Mairu? Kururi?"
Quiet, the names were whispered. The duty on his shoulder growing tenfold.
But there was no one to answer it.
to be continued~
Now this was some depressing shit xD Or frustrating? Izaya´s position as the captain really sucks ay. xD but heyyyyy, at least he has a certain someone that will do his best to cheer him up again :3 That- and even more soon C: Yes, I did not forget, this is a Shizaya story after all xD Needa push their relationship a bit further hahaha
On a more serious note guys:
Apparently there are people on the internet pretending to be me xD This is not the first time, I have actually had my fair share of impostors and stalker before, soooo I just wanted to give you a quick shoutout guys. :3
I have one instagram account called "Shirohimesstories" with one of my cats as profile pic for now, whatsapp for all those who have my phone number, my gmail adress- Shirohimesstories . . gmail. com
And of course the AO3 comment section and the fanfiction message option.
If I contact any of you then it's going to be via these media platforms/accounts. Anyone else is not me. xD
Just wanted to mention that as my newest Impostor had like 400 followers on instagram with my actual real name and pictures from my school stolen from an old facebook account of mine and even managed to confuse a close friend of mine-
Just be careful guys, the internet is a nice, but also extremely weird place xD
Now with that being said see you next month on 1st of June~! :3
PS.: The new Story "Impostor" will also start with the next updates :3 I wanted to do so today, but time wasn't on my side xD Same for the next sotd update btw :3