Chapter 65: That's Rough, Buddy

Isometrics were boring Duo, but it was his daily routine now in order to regain his strength. His physical therapist didn't believe him at first when he told her he wasn't feeling pain at all with some of the exercises. She told him it was too early for those results, and he had to go back to isometrics only. No weight lifting. No variety in general past the mind-numbing repetitive exercises she assigned.

But he persisted at home, doing his own thing. He wasn't stupid. Pushing himself too soon would only lead to a longer recovery, but he wasn't feeling pain. Discomfort? Sure. His shoulder was dislocated and popped back in with what every single medical professional argued was a needlessly risky method only a few weeks ago. Discomfort was a given. But the advanced exercises weren't causing pain.

At rehab he did simple exercises.

At home he integrated resistance bands, balls, and light dumbbells.

The gym in his building was a blessing for recovery. In his apartment he could only do so much, but downstaits he had some extra equipment. He tried to work out with slightly heavier weights and immediately stopped, going back to the smallest sets in the gym. Sharp pain told him he wasn't ready for more. He wanted to be. He desperately wanted to be ready and stronger, but it would take time and patience.

Some of his neighbors asked what happened, and he kept up a joke about falling off his bike. No one had follow up questions, but he did miss going for rides. At the moment he was a liability because steering with one hand was not the wisest thing to do with a large and fast machine that could easily kill someone. While he wouldn't admit it to Wufei or Trowa, he did sneak out to his bike from time to time just to sit in the garage and imagine escaping. He would give up a great many things to be on his bike and ride as far as it took him, telling no one where he was going.

Conflict brewed in him over the prospect of running away from his life.

Deep down he knew his desire to escape was fueled by a need for something a little different, maybe a vacation or a temporary retreat. Being home and injured was driving him up the wall. Trowa texted almost daily, and Wufei would call and check in on him. Their friendships were the only things keeping him from wasting away in the silence and monotony of his current life. Every day felt identical to the last.

There were even times he missed being at Quatre's. At least there he had large gardens to walk through and seemingly endless rooms to explore and hide within. He also had a gym that was at least six times larger than the modest one his building provided. It allowed him to mix up his exercises rather than get stuck in the endless cycle of PT.

What Quatre's place offered was plentiful distraction.

At home he ground out his PT, worked remotely with the damned cyber security unit, and cursed himself every time he thought about Heero.

There were two men he was waiting to hear from and both appeared to be dodging him.

First was Heero, who straight up abandoned him after their last argument without so much as a word to say if they were really broken up or not. Duo wanted to call him, or text him, or show up at his door again and find out what the hell was going on, but he knew it was a bad idea. The last time he saw Heero things ended very poorly. He lost his cool and yelled. A lot.

He told Heero he wouldn't remain in a relationship if the status quo didn't change.

He implied heavily that Heero didn't love him.

He was hurt.

And he was cruel.

But there was no way he would go back and beg his partner for a new start. He had too much self-respect for that. And he was right about everything. If Heero couldn't be bothered to get over himself he didn't deserve to be met halfway. More importantly, there was the nagging suspicion that his free confessions of love were anything but. When he held Heero from behind as he washed dishes and heard the man whisper "I really love you" after their dinner of weird tamales, it didn't feel good. The words were painful, and he smiled into Heero's shoulder to hide that pain. He held on a little tighter because he wanted to freeze time and not address his doubts.

Some days he wondered if he only spoke up then... Maybe they would've talked things through. Or had a constructive argument. Or any number of scenarios other than him storming out of Heero's bedroom after leveling some harsh accusations. Maybe they wouldn't be in this strange relationship limbo.

And then, a distant but ever present second, was Chevalier. He told him to wait for his signal and then simply didn't send a signal. His investigation was stalled not only from the lack of contact with his suspect, but because of the drama between himself and Heero. Unfortunately a byproduct of their falling out meant their friends were freely talking to one another about everything and there would be no way to find who was leaking his information. Whenever Chevalier got back in touch every single thing that happened in Duo's life was now in the mix. He couldn't strategically give certain information to just one person and test them because nothing stayed private.

He hated having no privacy.

And he really hated having some dangerous asshole from L2 constantly up in his business. It wasn't right. Normally he was the dangerous asshole from L2.

A knock sounded at his door and Duo paused in his stretches. He wasn't expecting anyone, and it was mid-day on a Thursday, which made any possibility of it being Heero null and void. No way he'd take off in the middle of a workday. He grabbed his firearm and quietly stalked to the door to check the peephole, his gun ready and pointed down. When he saw who was outside, he sighed and unlocked the door, holstering his weapon.

"What brings you here, Sally?"

She smiled coyly and held up a bag. "Just doing a house call to check on your shoulder and thought I'd bring some really excellent mandarin oranges with me."

He rolled his eyes and stepped aside to allow her entrance.

"You're not my doctor for this, you know. If you wanted an excuse to check on me you could've just stuck with the oranges."

She didn't move. "Am I not allowed to fuss over you?"

The tone of her voice was so knowing he wanted to scream.

"Sal, I'm kinda tired of people fussing over me."

"Okay!" she threw the bag of mandarins at him as hard as she could. It hit his chest as he caught it, and he made a startled sound. The bag was much heavier than it looked, but she'd tossed it with ease. He was a little jealous of her, knowing he was weeks away from doing anything similar with his bad arm. She looked at him with bright eyes, and he could feel her amusement. "Then you can put the damn bag away yourself, or bring the whole thing with us. Want to go for a walk?"

She didn't wait for him to reply and just turned around and left down the hall. Duo smiled. He could always count on Sally to actually back off a bit when he needed her to. Quickly, grabbed a fruit and pocketed it, dropping the bag onto the floor just inside his apartment. In no time he'd caught up to Sally at the elevator and they were on their way.

After so much monotony in his days it was wonderful to stir things up and hang out with someone he hadn't seen in a while. They'd texted some over the last couple of weeks but hadn't met in person for some time. He guided her down by the river and they strolled along the water, through the walkways locals had lined with string lights when they city refused to put in lamps. The trees lost their blooms some time ago, but they were a vibrant and lush green and provided shade from the afternoon sun.

"It's lovely here."

"You ought to come back in the evening when the lights come on."

"I bet it's romantic."

He hadn't really thought about that before, but she was right. A dinner date outside along the water's edge, string lights for blocks… it was absolutely romantic. Why hadn't he thought of that when he actually had someone? It took a second, but slowly he registered a quality in Sally's voice he hadn't really heard before. She sounded troubled.

"What's up, Sal?"

She faltered a little in her steps, not expecting him to pick up on her mood.

"You catch everything, don't you?"

"Definitely not. But I'm still observant."

She sighed and turned their path towards a small footbridge. The wooden structure arced just enough to allow kayakers underneath when the river didn't swell from too much rain. Sally stopped midway across and leaned over the railing to watch the water flowing below. Her silence kept Duo on edge, waiting to hear from her what was on her mind. It took her a moment to speak, and she was as direct as ever when she did.

"Wufei's been hiding things from me and I'm worried. I guess I thought you might know something about that, being so close."

That caught Duo by surprise. As far as he knew Wufei and Sally were solid as a couple. He was a bit jealous of them, having found the type of balance together that appeared to allude him and Heero no matter how much he wanted to achieve something similar. But it wasn't like Wufei to keep secrets from Sally. At least not the types of secrets that would impact their relationship.

"Why do you think he's hiding something?"

She sighed and hung her head a little, still gazing at the water. "I don't know, but there's all kinds of little signs that don't look good when added up."

That hit Duo hard. Little signs not adding up felt a lot like his rift with Heero and his doubts about Heero's feelings for him. It was inconceivable that Wufei would do anything to plant such doubts in Sally's mind. And his willingness to see that in Heero, contrasted with his refusal to see it in Wufei, was like a punch directly to the gut. He took a second to gather his wits about him.

"Wufei isn't the kind of guy who practices much deception. We both know he doesn't wait particularly long to face anything head on. So tell me what's been going on and I'll let you know my interpretation."

"He looks a little guilty after he texts."

The answer was swift, spoken like something Sally held onto, waiting for the right person and time to reveal it.

"That could be anything, Sal."

"I asked him what he was up to and he changed the subject. Was holding his phone with a silly grin and then shut down completely when I asked what made him so amused." She turned to look him in the eyes and her pain and confusion came through. "I don't for a second think he'd cheat on me. We discussed and set our relationship expectations early and he's nothing if not honorable."

Duo nodded, glad Sally was seeing things clearly.

"Anything else?"

She turned around and leaned her back against the handrail. Her arms were stretched outward, casually draped along the wooden structure. She looked at ease, even though it was obvious to Duo how stressed she felt.

"Sometimes I ask about his day and it's obvious there's gaps. Or he'll tell me he already ate and won't tell me anything else. I haven't had the heart to ask with whom." She leaned a little forward, hands clutching the railing. "But he's not trying to be coy, you know? I know him. I know him very well and he's guilty but not because he did anything particularly wrong. He isn't covering up something that would hurt me but I can't tell what he's covering up and you might be the only person who will understand me."

Her voice was more exhausted than anything else. That last part raised alarms, and Duo suspected her friends may have caught wind and tried to plant ideas in her head that her partner was straying or doing something worthy of a breakup. But to her credit Sally appeared convinced of Wufei's innocence. Above all she was confused and tired, not so much hurt and angry.

"Sally… when did all this start?"

She sighed again and titled her head back to face the sky. "About a month ago."

It took Duo a minute to put the timeline together in his head. Then something clicked, and it was so obvious, and so pathetic, he didn't know if he should laugh or beg forgiveness.

"When was the last time he skipped a meal with you, with no explanation?"

She looked away from the sky and back at him. "Tuesday night, why?"

Without warning, he took a step forward and enveloped her in a hug. Her arms automatically wrapped around him, and then he spoke softly and with regret. "I think I'm the homewrecker, Sal!" He felt her tense, but it again didn't feel register with anger. She put her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him away. A crooked smile on her face told him everything between them was okay.

"Explain yourself, you scoundrel!"

He smiled.

"I uh… I might have implied that I didn't want him to tell you everything going on in my life, just about a month ago. He ambushed me at lunch and I was caught a bit off guard and said some things I might not have otherwise. I swear I told him it was okay to talk to you! But I hadn't really considered—"

"How he is."

"Yeah, how he is."

"Because he'll go to great lengths for the people he cares about."

"Yeah."

She released one shoulder and pinched his cheek. "You're just so cute he has to protect you!"

"I am quite dashing, yes."

She looked like wanted to laugh, but restrained herself. "Are you okay, Duo?"

Her tone, so genuine and caring, was almost painful to hear. She came to him because she was having issues and yet she pivoted so easily into concern for him. What had he done to earn such loyalty? He wasn't sure he'd ever know. But he did know he couldn't lie to her.

"Not yet, but I'm getting there. It's just that this group of friends is kind of…"

"Overwhelming?"

Suddenly he felt like he could spill everything to her. All of the tension he carried was gone.

"Yeah," he said, visibly deflating. "It's a lot."

She looped her arm with his and turned them until they stood side by side, directly in the middle of the small footbridge. Leaning towards him, she tilted her head until their temples touched. "I remember what that was like when I was still adjusting to those fools."

He looked down and took her hand in his. The contact was both welcome and bizarre. He still wasn't used to casual physical touch and he wasn't sure how she managed to regularly get past his defenses, but somehow it felt correct to reach out in that moment. Her sneaky affection was one of his favorite things about her, and he was certain it played a large part in her ability to maintain a relationship with his best friend.

"Sally, I promise you this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with temporary circumstances beyond my control. Right now the last thing I need is every single person in my circle to know all of my personal business all of the time. I've been trying to avoid that but no matter what I do they all talk to each other. I slipped up and let Wufei know that I didn't like that. I'd… actually enjoy being able to talk to you. You're…" He struggled to come up with appropriate words.

"Less judgmental than the guys? Less focused on trying to help and more focused on listening?"

"Damnit, Sal! You're such a breath of fresh air!"

She laughed at that, and turned his hand over in hers to examine it. "So are you." Her fingers lightly traced his callouses, following suit with a few faded scars. "You're my favorite addition to our family."

In order to swallow down the emotions that swelled at her words, he removed himself from her touch and took a few steps back to the handrail. It was a safe but close distance from her. If she noticed he was shying away, she didn't say anything. He remembered months ago at the Christmas party how her hug was the first time anyone touched him with affection in years. It felt so long ago, now. So much happened, and so much changed.

"I'll tell Wufei he can stop hiding things from you."

She shifted and joined him, this time with crossed arms leaning on the handrail. "Forget it. For you I can deal with secrets for a while."

"Sally…"

"I'm serious. If it's about you, none of it makes me feel bad." She smirked. "I'm a little jealous of Wufei. I'd jump to protect you, too, given the option. And you're looking better than I've seen you in years. If keeping a few secrets for a short while helps you look rested and healthy it's more than a fair trade. I'd say it's a dirt cheap price for what I'm getting."

He didn't know what to say, and got nervous, shoving his hands in his pockets only to discover the mandarin orange he tucked away as they left his place. Examining it in his hand, he began to peel it. Even outdoors the smell of fresh citrus was strong when the peel broke. He quickly handed Sally the fruit and tossed the peel into the water.

"That's littering."

"It's natural. It'll decay."

"That could take months."

He turned sharply to her. "Wait. Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Guess I won't be doing that again."

She chuckled. "What would you know, anyway, being from the colonies?"

She examined the fruit he gave her a moment, carefully separating a wedge as they stood in silence. She was not expecting his next outburst.

"I'm real sorry about everything! I'm so sorry I made trouble for you a Wufei! Sometimes it feels like all I do is cause people problems and you'd all be better off if I wasn't here anymore."

"Duo!"

"But but that's when I also forget I have friends. It's..." he trailed off, unsure of himself. "It's easy to revert back to being entirely alone. It's easy to see all the worst parts of being in your lives. And it's really hard to acknowledge I now have people who care about me. It doesn't feel real sometimes. I'm always afraid if I rely on anyone too much they'll let me down." He met her gaze. "Thank you, Sally. For reminding me I have friends, for never once letting me down, and for always doing it in the most graceful and natural way."

She finally ate a segment of the orange, smiling at the sweet taste and at his words. "I'm not going to tell you you're wrong about causing problems, because you certainly do bring trouble in your wake. But it's usually a good trouble." Her light and teasing tone shifted into one that held more weight. "And you must know that you also bring infinite joy. There's no way someone with your observational skills could miss that. Wufei came alive when you two connected as friends. I've watched the man I love blossom into an even better version of himself, and it wasn't me who brought that extra out of him. It was you." Sally took half the fruit and handed it back to a speechless Duo. "Try not to overlook how great you are, and how you're worth every bit of trouble you think you bring. I wouldn't want to have to…" she paused for dramatic effect, "conduct feats of strength?"

Much to Sally's delight, she got the laugh out of Duo that she wanted.

"Didn't you come here so I could make you feel better?"

She nudged his shoulder, knowing his injury was on the side opposite of her. "No. I only came here to talk to my friend. That you did make me feel better was a bonus."

Duo smiled, blushing slightly. Maybe he couldn't get himself to the point of being physically stronger like he wanted, at least not yet. His body was going to take however long it needed to heal. But scattered moments with his friends were giving him a different sort of strength. Knowing he made Sally feel better, that he was a good friend to her after she'd been such a good one to him, provided something he hadn't known he needed. It calmed his desperation and filled him with what he could only assume was a sense of peace.

He didn't grow up with peace, nor did he experience it much as an adult other than some fleeting moments in the years between the wars and his disappearance. There were times he certainly felt at peace with Heero, in the past, but that was different.

He was different.

He didn't particularly feel like running away from his life.