-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 32: Two against the world -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
Clothes were arranged, steps hurried and his appearance quickly assessed as Izaya approached his door.
His steps were frail and his knees felt weak- except this time it wasn't because of his injury. The handle of the door felt unnaturally cold compared to Izaya's hot skin as he allowed the visitor a glimpse.
A very diligent and busy Mikado faced Izaya as he opened the door.
Documents of various kinds were piled in his arms giving him a hard time in not falling to the ground.
"Captain Orihara-" Mikado quickly straightened his stance, ready to ramble about god knows what that bastard Shiki had sent him to say.
Izaya didn't need a briefing. As much as Mikado did his best to save him work, his summaries of the documents were only that.
A summary.
"Yeah, yeah, hand them over." Izaya said quickly, interrupting the guy before he could even start to ramble.
Papers were taken, a surprised expression shown, and before Mikado knew it the door was shut in his face.
Uncomfortable silence took over as Izaya flung the pile of documents onto his desk.
Hand at face and glance averted he tried to discern the situation at hand as the results of his actions doomed him.
"Well, that was unexpected," he started slowly, the words awkwardly filling the quiet space.
He faced Shizuo who had quickly gotten up from bed, now also fixing his appearance. Well, or at least his clothes, because his hair was still beautifully disheveled.
"Sorry I shouldn't just have-"
"That's my line."
Izaya sighed softly with regret.
Great, did he manage to ruin his only good relationship in this shithole of a wall?
What on earth did he think?
Anxiety and frustration of an unknown kind forced themselves on his mind.
"Let's just file that under us both being too horny and too overloaded with work, inside these shitty walls," Izaya quickly sprung to word, providing the perfect excuse "We are healthy young men, after all, and-" he faded out. He groaned, frustrated.
"God, I'm your captain," he stated, but strangely there was no effort behind his words.
All his excuses did, was putting a frown on Shizuo's face.
Again, his duties.
Even now.
Even now they were keeping Izaya from doing as he pleased.
"What happened just now-" Izaya tried again but Shizuo cut him right off.
"Fuck your title."
Bold, the words were spoken and they left Izaya in a slight limbo of confusion.
"Shizu-chan?"
"Honestly just fuck everything!" Shizuo barked.
Izaya was his captain.
He had duties.
Responsibilities.
Shizuo was aware of that.
But did that really mean he could not waste a second to think about himself?
"No matter what happens you are always the one that has to fix everything you are the one that has to deal with negotiations, with titans, with accusations- with death threats and actual attempts to end your life-" Shizuo suddenly started the stream of words rendering even Izaya speechless, "Just before when you came back- I don't know what you did but it was something that downed your mood for good, so I can guess just how bad it must have been." Shizuo paused shortly. "Again." Emphasizing that single word. And it hit the raven hard.
It was the truth. "And even when good things happen to you you are always guarded something bad might happen right afterwards-"
Izaya struggled, not sure what this was about-
"That's my job Shizu-chan," he tried but only anger sprouted from his response.
"I know! That's why-" Shizuo choked on his words.
Kadota's words came back to mind.
How he said Izaya made people hate him on purpose. Wasn't that exactly what he was doing?
He was keeping his distance from people. From friends, even from Shinra.
It must be lonely.
Such a life.
And now being pushed away instantly wasn't he doing the same to him?
"Can't you just stop for a second?" Shizuo groaned and Izaya was left perplexed.
"Huh?" he asked, kinda breathless.
He felt like falling into an endless abyss.
Not sure where this conversation was leading.
Shizuo was annoyed, that much he could tell.
Angry.
Because of what happened?
"... I know I exceeded my limits and I-" Izaya started, his tongue weary and words unsure.
"What? No-" Shizuo interrupted quickly with a groan. "Look. I suck out on the battlefield and I'm not exactly as smart as you or anything fancy but-" Shizuo tried to explain, only tangling himself up further and further. "Before, you felt good, right? Are you not allowed to feel good at least once in a while? What I want to say is, at least with me, just stop second guessing everything. Just give it a rest for once. You don't have to overanalyze every damned little thing."
At that Izaya relaxed.
Because suddenly he understood what the blond was going on about.
He wasn't mad. At least not for what they did.
Calmth and unimaginable relief washed over him, almost causing him to crack a smile.
"So you are not going to act all weird on me now?" Izaya questioned with a hum.
"Is there any reason to?" Shizuo asked, "I like spending time with you, your training methods, how you somehow fix everything and all at all times. Even your twisted sense of humor." Izaya couldn't help but laugh and the weight on Shizuo's chest lifted. "I mean, there isn't much to enjoy inside these walls in the first place, so shouldn't we treasure what we do have all the more?"
Izaya couldn't agree more.
He was touched as much as he was sad. But it was a good kind of sadness, mixed with relief.
"Well spoken."
Drawing the chair at his desk forth the raven let himself slump on it. legs left and right his crossed arms leaned on the backrest.
A moment of silence followed as Izaya sighed.
Shizuo was somehow insecure about whether he had actually gotten his point across.
"I was visiting the leftovers."
It took Shizuo a moment to follow the change of topic.
Leftovers.
Right. The relatives of the people that died outside the wall.
He had noticed Izaya had seemed kind of down when he returned to his room.
"You should have seen their glances." Izaya whispered, and somehow Shizuo could almost feel the weight dropped on Izaya's shoulders. "Like I killed them personally."
"Can't someone else do that for you?" he asked slowly, but Izaya shook his head.
"As the captain, and responsible in charge, it is my duty to inform the behinds about their beloved´s deaths." Always had been.
It wasn't anything new. He was used to it really.
And considering usually those idiots were at fault for their own death he couldn't really give less of a damn.
But with what Shiki pulled the day before?
They were on an official mission and his superior's only goal seemed to have been to end Izaya's life.
Anyone dying in that battle would have been in vain for such a stupid cause.
No one did.
But… Izaya couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't the first mission stemming from ulterior motives on Shiki's part.
Personal grudges and goals- instead of acting for humanity they resembled chess figures on the grand board of that bastard.
That's why it had been harder this time to tell the relatives about their sons.
How was Izaya supposed to say they died for a greater cause and that their deaths were meaningful when he wasn't even sure they were?
"Seeing how our dear superior is sending people to their death on private affairs, it was a bit more exhausting than usual. That's why I was a little… under the weather." Izaya explained.
He showed a halfhearted smile. A mask of that was supposed to prove just how little he cared about all of these things. But it was full of cracks. A few more missions and it would irreparably break.
Shizuo walked up, closing the distance.
He wanted to help.
The urge to somehow keep Izaya safe from all this bullshit was overwhelming.
"Anyone would be after that," he assured. He didn't want Izaya to think he thought of him as weak. As incapable or anything alike for not shouldering a burden that shouldn't be shouldered by a single person in the first place.
"So that's why you complied with me?" Izaya joked quietly, raising his glance as he faced the blond.
No.
Shizuo frowned.
"I didn't do that because I pitied you. What the hell kind of a messed up reason would that be?" Izaya snorted at that.
A mischievous smile spread across his lips. He felt warm. Comfortable. Especially around the blond this has been a natural feeling repeatedly coming to his senses.
It was as much enjoyable as it was intoxicating.
"Oh? Enlighten me then," he got up from his chair, circling over to the blond, "Why did you do it?" His words were mocking but his eyes were sincere.
He was curious.
Yet Shizuo found his mouth stuck on a reply.
It was a knock on the door that destroyed the delicate moment like a soap bubble on spikes of iron.
Groaning, Izaya turned to answer the messenger.
"You really have the best timing in the universe, Mikado-kun." Izaya sighed, elbow leaning on the door frame as he glanced at a very nervous Mikado.
"Am I… bothering?" the guy hesitated and Izaya rolled his eyes.
"Whatever gave you the idea?"
It shut the innocent messenger up for good as he struggled for words.
It was a bit mean to treat the poor guy like that, Izaya had to admit. He was new to all this and considering his position as the captain of the survey corps it was probably natural to grow nervous at his sight.
"Spit it out already, what do you want?" he said, his posture a bit less threatening.
Mikado's face lit up.
"Shiki wants to see you."
Like a slap to reality the words cut the skin.
Shiki.
The guy that wanted to murder Izaya.
Shizuo felt his guts clench in a mixture of two very unpleasant emotions.
Raw unstoppable anger- and fear.
"Any intel why?" Izaya asked, his hair standing on ends.
"It's about a new mission, I'm sorry he hasn't really given out further information." Mikado quickly explained, not noticing the change in both's demeanor.
"Wow, great. Already doing another, assuming we failed the first, huh?" Izaya joked, but the words only downed the mood even more.
"What?" Mikado asked.
"Nothing."
Quickly grabbing the gear Izaya fixed his attire to a presentable one in front of his boss.
"You are leaving?" Shizuo questioned in obvious disbelief. It caused Izaya to freeze in his motion and glance a careful glance towards Mikado.
"Can't exactly ignore my superior," he quickly said, emphasizing the word superior.
Shizuo couldn't mess this up in front of Mikado.
If Shiki realized Izaya had actually understood that this mission had been nothing more but an attempt to end his life, it would be bad.
A soft glare short towards Shizuo seemed to do the trick and serve as a gentle reminder to watch what he said.
Swallowing softly, Shizuo tried to get rid of the lump of anger.
"I will join-"
"No." The reply came instant, definite and serious. It seemed like an order, hitting Shizuo in quite the wrong spot.
Realizing how much that put the blond off Izaya turned to the messenger.
"Mikado, would you head on without me?" Stance quickly straightened, the guy nodded eagerly.
"Yes, sir!" He was a good kid, really. Simply trying his best to serve humanity and protect everyone he loved.
"Izaya?"
Shizuo questioned as soon as Mikado was out of sight and the door closed.
A few quick steps were taken towards the blond. Izaya's hand placed itself on Shizuo's shoulder. Warm. Comforting.
"You did enough already." Izaya whispered, as though someone was close by to hear.
A frown crossed Shizuo's expression as he realized that might as well be the case.
"He might want to kill you. Again." he whispered back, quietly.
Izaya chuckled.
"You seem mad about that."
"How can you not be?"
"I am."
Izaya sighed, his own expression growing dire.
"Believe me, I am. But not acting on his orders is exactly what he wants. He is waiting for a chance to strike. For a mistake on my part."
The truth of his words settled bitter in Shizuo's head. "I'm not willing to give that and neither should you."
Izaya was right.
Not appearing when summoned was like asking for a penalty. He had orders to follow, a construct to please. Shizuo only grasped the slightest of it but it already seemed just so overwhelming. Their enemy was huge.
Even larger than the titans.
"This is so fucked up." he groaned.
Izaya sighed. "It is," then he paused and took a step back to face the blond. "Which is why I'm glad I have at least one person in their right mind to rely on."
Warmth spread in Shizuo's chest.
Izaya actually listened. He took his words to heart.
"I'm in my right mind?" Shizuo repeated, a little amused.
"More than most inside this wall." Izaya shrugged, but he meant every syllable spoken.
Shizuo knew that.
Funny.
Like this it almost seemed like it was the two of them against the rest of the world.
It was equally comforting as it was scary.
"... do you think he will try again?" Shizuo's expression was dark and his voice quiet.
Shiki.
Trying to kill him, huh?
Izaya's eyes grew tense.
"Definitely," he paused, "But I will make damned sure he won't succeed."
to be continued~
Alright so now that they got their feelings sorted, let´s start some titan shit again xDDDD
ahhh this will be some very nice chapters coming in~
But for now, I hope you like how this proceeds xDD
I won´t be updating Ast and Sotd today, but next friday I should definitely get some updates done there as well haha
With that being said I wish you a joyous holiday, quiet and relaxing christmas and allll the best one can have haha