Note: My morning went to hell, no time to edit. Should be good enough. I'll fix anything like typos or clarifications later.

Chapter 72: Panic

Duo was frantic.

His standard go bag wasn't enough and he was scrambling to throw whatever he had together before borrowing the rest from Preventers. He'd borrow a spacecraft, too, and contact Une to ask forgiveness once he left Earth's atmosphere and put enough distance between them that no one could stop him. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. Or, more specifically, it was more efficient and he'd deal with the consequences later.

When his phone rang he dropped everything he was holding and hit the button on his earpeice, relieved to get a reply so soon.

"You in?"

The woman on the other end of the line couldn't hide her excitement and shock. "If this is real, yes! Every time I offered you refused, and now you're asking for less than it's worth?"

"I only need what I asked for. But I need the payment now or the deal's off."

"Done. I'm transferring right now. You should have it in—"

"Got it. Talk to Claude at the front desk, he has the key."

"You won't—"

"I've got a flight to catch. Take care, Ms Boateng."

Duo ran to a drawer in his kitchen and pulled a new phone. It was shoved into his go bag before he hauled everything up with a shoulder strap. He could make it to the airfield and off planet in just over an hour, assuming he found an opening to take what he needed. Preventers kept the airfield guarded, but he was a master of stealth. Une's men would have no idea what hit them.

He'd probably lose his job after committing several felonies but if anyone could disappear—

Duo's hand stopped, hovering just over the handle of his front door. One clear thought penetrated the cloud of urgency obscuring his mind.

What the fuck are you doing, Duo?

His hand dropped. He could feel his heart racing, his breathing getting heavier and faster with each passing second as the tinnitus that sometimes acted up in his ears began to ring louder. A new fear gripped him as he realized that what he wanted, what he needed, was help. The very idea of asking for help was oddly more terrifying than what he was facing. Tackling problems alone allowed him to feel some semblance of control but asking for help...

His pocket vibrated.

There was no need to check his phone to know it was Heero.

They were supposed to have dinner together and he was MIA. Heero probably just got home, and when he realized he was alone he called to see what was going on. But there was no way Duo would be joining him for dinner, and it wasn't just because the food he bought was ditched on the street several blocks away. He hoped someone in need picked it up.

Every vibration made him feel both guilty and empty. Logically he should pick up. There was no way Heero would refuse to help, but he couldn't bring himself to answer the phone. Obviously he had to tell Heero what was going on. Just maybe not right now. Was it okay to wait? From Heero's perspective, probably not. Would Heero be furious with him for leaving him out? Almost certainly. But he was still frozen with indecision, and waited until he knew the call would register as missed.

Terrible. He was a terrible partner.

But he did need help. There was no denying he needed help.

When he finally pulled his phone from his pocket it took a full minute to build enough courage to unlock it and check his recent calls. The log confirmed it was Heero he ignored.

Gathering the courage to dial, he realized he was more nervous than his first time piloting Deathscythe in a real dogfight. Back then the worst that could've happened was his death, or destroying a high tech machine and facing whatever punishment G decided was appropriate. Now the worst thing that could happen was living with confirmation of his biggest fear, the fear that followed him from childhood straight into adulthood.

But time was not on his side.

He dialed Wufei after two aborted attempts. Every ring brought a wave of anxiety. Tears were silently rolling down his cheeks. He had a hard time letting himself cry, even when he was alone. When Wufei answered on the fourth ring he quickly wiped the tears away with the back of his hand, making himself presentable even though the call was audio only. It was clear from the background noise Wufei was out somewhere for dinner.

"Duo!" he sounded in a good mood. "Give me a second, it's loud on my end." There was no mistaking the clamoring of cutlery and the layers of voices upon voices. Duo bit his lip and turned to stand with his back to the door, getting a good look at his empty and silent home. It might just be the last time he'd see the place.

The noise on the other end faded and Wufei spoke again. "Sorry about that. Out for dinner and drinks with Sally and her friends. I'm finally meeting the last of them and you know she's got some devious reason for introducing us now."

Duo automatically replied "sounds like a lot of fun" before biting his lip once more. He tried to really speak. He wanted to form words, but all he could do was part his lips and breath softly while tension grew inside him and Wufei went on about Sally's friends from medical school. His eyes darted around his home, focusing on nothing. What did he even have here, outside of a good view? He swallowed hard. Endless heat seemed to radiate off his face.

"How are you?"

Duo pulled himself together through force of will. His voice was steady, and he didn't lie.

"Had a great weekend."

"Duo?"

He'd covered up well, and the idea of Wufei noticing how he really felt made his tension unbearable. His chest hurt.

"What's wrong?"

He thought he might be having a heart attack. Wufei wasn't supposed to notice he was upset. He was supposed to be oblivious, and carry on a conversation like everything was normal while Duo never managed the courage to say why he called. That was how it worked. That's what happened last time. He was supposed to be busy and dismiss him without giving him the chance to say what was wrong. He was supposed to tell him he'd call back, or catch up later. He was supposed to force Duo to suck it up and deal with his crisis alone, never realizing there was a crisis at all. He was supposed to go on living his life, having fun, and never being weighed down by Duo's problems.

He wasn't supposed to be a good friend.

That wasn't how things worked.

"Duo? I know something's wrong." His voice was soft and almost disgustingly kind. "You never call anyone. What happened?"

Closing his eyes, Duo gave up on standing and leaned heavily on his door. It took him longer than it should have to finally form words, but Wufei waited patiently. His silence on the other end only intensified Duo's fears that he was both interrupting his friend's life and about to burden him with problems that had nothing to do with him. He found courage when a faint voice in his head reminded him of Sally, asking all those months ago, if he ever gave his friends the chance to be there for him.

No time like the present to put it to the test, he thought. Besides, Wufei was his family, right? Shouldn't that make this easier? Probably? He really didn't know, having no experience with family. He gathered all his courage to speak.

"I need your help."

His voice was so shaky it embarrassed him, and he held his breath waiting for Wufei's response. It took everything in him not to start sobbing when Wufei answered, intensely and without hesitation, "Where are you?"

Duo jumped when he heard three sharp knocks at his door. Wufei made obscenely good time, he wasn't expecting him for at least another ten minutes. The moment he opened the door his friend stepped forward and enveloped him in a bear hug. He froze, not knowing what to do and afraid the display of care would start him crying.

Wufei pulled away, leaving his hands on Duo's shoulders as he asked "What can I do to help?"

For a moment Duo didn't know what to say. He was reeling from the hug, trying to wrap his head around what was happening. He moved away towards his kitchen in a bid to casually slip out of physical contact. He was certain Wufei saw right through him.

"I need weapons and a way to get them off planet, like yesterday, but I'd prefer not to commit any felonies I can't take back. I just thought. I dunno." He turned to look at Wufei. "I thought maybe you'd have some ideas on how to fly under Preventers' radar?"

Without answering him Wufei took out his phone and dialed someone, turning slightly away from Duo. There was no doubt in Duo's mind that his friend could feel his anxious gaze. He continued to study him as Wufei switched to an all-business persona when someone on the other end of the line picked up.

"I need a shuttle and access to the armory within the hour."

Duo's stomach did a somersault. His eyes grew wide when he heard "armory." He shook his head and waved his hands to discourage his friend from what he was doing. Wufei ignored him as he listened to whomever was on the line. He grew impatient after only a few seconds and interrupted.

"It's for Maxwell."

Dark eyes met scared violet. He hung up the phone without saying goodbye and grabbed the duffle bag he spotted on the floor next to Duo's front door after he first walked in. "We're taking this, yes?"

Nothing that was happening computed for Duo. "What?"

"Your go bag, yeah? Grab whatever else you need."

He ignored all questions and marched into the exterior hallway. When Duo got his wits about him and caught up, Wufei was waiting at the elevator, ending another short phone call. "See you soon."

Unable to hold back, Duo demanded "See who, where?"

On cue the elevator arrived and Wufei stepped inside, holding the door for Duo who looked like his brain was buffering. "Get in. Everyone's meeting us at the airfield."

"Wufei, I don't—"

Once he stepped inside Duo found himself cornered in the elevator, his back to the wall as Wufei came forward to stand in the center of the car. He looked serious and determined.

"I don't know how to say this in a way that sounds nice, but you have no idea how excited I am that you asked for help." He clarified for an obviously bewildered Duo, "We've known each other half our lives and you've always taken care of everyone else. You never ask for help no matter what you're going through." He smiled brightly. "I don't know what terrible thing has caused you to need a shuttle and weapons, but we'll figure it out. Let someone take care of you for once."

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. Wufei wasted no time walking at full pace towards the building's front entrance. Duo was still in the elevator car, his eyes threatening tears and his lower lip trembling. When the doors began to slide shut, he raced forward to catch up with his friend. "Hey! That's not an answer! See who, where?"

Wufei didn't break stride and as Duo crossed into the open air he saw Sally's vehicle double parked in front of his building. He stopped cold. Time slowed down as Wufei opened the back door and tossed the bag inside, turning to see Duo standing in shock on the pavement with a few pedestrians walking around him. He gave a small lopsided grin and opened the front passenger's door halfway, gesturing towards it.

"Get in!"

It was a command, and it snapped Duo out of his daze enough for Wufei to take a seat in the back next to the bag and shut the door. Sally was driving, and the moment Duo was seated next to her, door closed, she took off and softly requested "Seatbelt, Maxwell."

He frowned. "Yeah, I fuckin' know."

"Just making sure."

He fumbled the belt in frustration.

"I barely sat down, you didn't give me time!"

"Safety first, even in a rush."

"Wait!" He finally clicked the belt in place. "What's going on here?"

Sally didn't take her eyes off the road. She was driving fast, and reached to flip on the flashing lights that indicated she was rushing somewhere on Preventer's business. "We're going to the airfield, Duo. You're a little slow today."

"We?"

"All of us."

Duo lost all of his patience and shouted. "What does that mean?"

Sally reached over and pat his knee with one hand. "It means you took my advice, dear."

"You don't even know what this is about!"

"We don't need to. We trust you."

Wufei chimed in from the back seat "explain it all on the shuttle. We'll have a few hours if we're going off planet."

"Fuckin hell! Who is WE? What is HAPPENING?"

Duo felt Wufei's hand on his shoulder. The weight was heavier than expected, like he wanted his presence to really be felt. "I called Une and she released a shuttle and preemptively signed off on taking any gear we need from the armory. Then I called Sally."

"And I" she added, "called the boys. Heero, Trowa, and Quatre are meeting us. We'll be launching in under an hour."

Duo shook his head. "This isn't your problem!"

He felt the hand on his shoulder squeeze lightly. When Wufei spoke, softly and sincerely, he fought the tears that welled up in his eyes again.

"We love you. When you can't face a problem alone, we face it as a team."

There was no way Wufei understood the gravity of his words. While it was liberating and wonderful to know he truly had people in his life who cared, he was terrified their attachment to him would get them killed. As a child he suspected he may be cursed, having witnessed so much death and having lost everyone he came to love and rely on. He pretended that Howard was alive in spite of knowing him, and that as a tough old bastard he was immune to the trap that was Duo Maxwell. He pretended his friends were alive because he always kept some barrier between them. But that underlying belief that he was a curse was hard to shake. He thought he'd retired that line of thinking years ago, when the wars were done. Back then he re-evaluated and decided that if Heero could live, maybe he wasn't cursed.

Hilde's death allowed that old thought to settle into his head once more, quietly waiting for the right time to strike.

The only thing that spared him from falling back into his childhood mentality was her history of PTSD and knowing her problems had little to do with him. While he played a role in the war, she was already a soldier on her own before they met, standing on the side of the aggressors. She'd have seen combat one way or another, with or without the Gundams' involvement. Her mental health, her death could not be his curse.

He refused to allow her death to be from his curse.

But none of that kept the tiny voice in his head from reminding him that one day, just maybe, he'd lose everyone he loved all over again.

He lost everyone before Solo found him. While he was too young to understand his situation at the time, whenever he looked back on his early childhood he couldn't think too hard about what circumstance would lead to a child so young being completely alone and abandoned. Solo found him on the street. No one ever looked for him.

He lost everyone again after the plague. Solo's death was particularly hard. The two remaining kids from his gang were as young as he was when Solo found him. They were unable to support him or contribute to their gang of three. They were work and responsibility for Duo. In the time between everyone's deaths and heading to the church he learned all new ways to feel alone, putting on a smile for the kids and worrying for their safety as he'd venture out of the abandoned building they stayed in to find food and drink. He gave to them before he took for himself. It was difficult and there was no person for him to talk to or rely on. The experience was terribly isolating and painful.

He lost everyone once again after the massacre at the church. To make things almost worse, he blamed himself. Sister Helen used some of her final words to impart the knowledge that Father Maxwell died worried about him. It was probably meant to comfort and illustrate care, but it only served to hurt. She and Father Maxwell kept him themselves when he was repeatedly returned by potential families. Because no one wanted him. Because he was always too much of whatever quality they didn't like. He'd been sent by his count to at least six families, all of whom returned him in less than a week, some the same day.

Eventually, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen took pity. They said they wanted him for themselves because he was a wonderful kid, but he knew they took him to limit his rejections. Obviously they cared for him, and he'd never begrudge their time together. He wouldn't sully the only childhood home he ever had with too many doubts. But they intended to give him away, and tried over and over until the instability was too much. They kept him because they were his only option if he were to remain off the streets, and in return their choice to keep him got them killed.

Losing them gave him his alter-ego as Death personified, and established the frequent use of his jester's mask. He was utterly alone for a year after their loss, both literally and because he emotionally distanced himself from others, too afraid to let anyone close again. Eventually he allowed others into his life again, starting with Howard and the Sweepers. He thought he wouldn't have to be alone again. Then Hilde died.

And he had no one.

Or it felt like he had no one.

Coming to terms with his own part in enforcing his isolation was rough, but it didn't erase what happened. If the people in your life can't be trusted and relied on to be there for you, you're alone even in a room full of them. In spite of his experiences he tried to connect again, after his friends dragged him kicking and screaming into their fold. And now he was putting them all at risk the way he put Father Maxwell and Sister Helen at risk with his actions. The way he put Hilde at risk when he chose not to stay down, but to confront the shooter.

How many more times could one person lose everything he had?

How could he ever move forward?

No part of him felt good about what was to come. Too many people would be in danger, and all of them were people he knew and cared for. There was no room for mistakes. No option to lose his cool or show his fear. And he was afraid. Desperately, viscerally afraid. He had a very bad feeling about this operation, even though it hadn't even been planned yet.

The rest of the ride to the airfield was filled with silence and terror.