The rooms atmosphere feels stiff as the light from the little orb flickers, hanging above my shoulder motionlessly, fingertips tapping at my thighs restlessly before clasping them together. Something about this room is.. unsettling with its almost palpable uncomfortable tension, I almost prefer being chased by a monster over the stifling feel of the room, it feels as if my throat's clogging with the dust that coats the room. That's not entirely true, I don't want to do any more running, the mere thought of that mess forces my heart to feel as if it's gonna beat out of my chest.
"Typically when one requires answers, said inquisitor ought to voice it aloud the one who has the potential answer rather than keep it hidden, would that not be correct?" The strange ladys voice cuts through the silence like a knife, pulling me from my thoughts as she stares into me with those deadened eyes, there's not even a flicker of life behind those glazed over eyes. I cough into a hand to clear my throat as my lips curl up into an awkward smile, the nervous edge dulling as my little friend nudges into my side with a soft chiming hum.
"Well, yeah, I'm just trying to process all of this into questions that I can actually ask, ya know?." I rebut with a soft voice and a shrug, struggling to maintain eye contact with the impassive lady. I gulp down the spittle in my mouth as she continues to stare at me with unblinking eyes, a stiff few seconds passing before she nods curtly. Have I met this girl before? The overly flowery way she speaks seems familiar.
"I see, I forgot that one such as you would be… I believe the correct word would be 'overwhelmed' by a place like this. I'd also like to believe that you'd not squander such time, the clocks always ticking after all." She continues on with a dead cold voice, almost as if she's detached with the world as it is, her hands clasped over one another as she rests it on the wooden desk. I hum and bite the inside of my cheek, thoughts stirring in my mind as the familiar feeling of glass presses against my shoulder. Something about this lady is all sorts of off, she feels like a frigid body vacant of human expression. Perhaps that's a bit too far to assume, but she gives off that vibe, I guess that's something I could be asking her, there's other things I'm more concerned about for now.
"Well, seeing as you brought it up, what is this place to begin with? There's no way that any of this place is real, right? It's all, like, a distorted mash up of shit I've seen before, some I can faintly recall and some that I can't fucking remember for the life of me, whats up with the fucked up everything?" I finally splurge out to the mysterious lady after a few moments of thought, wriggling in my seat as I take in deep breaths, attempting to soothe the beating in my chest. Something about even mentioning the darker sides of this place, from the corruption to the monsters that seem to roam and consume even the zones of it. What's to say that it can't come back? What can I even fight like this? How long will it take until that all consuming void returns to eat the rest of this place, to eat me? This church might be a place of worship to some, but this is a fucking nightmare, there isn't any time to worship her-
"Mister Zeke, I implore you that you regain your senses and pay proper attention, I can't quite answer a question when your mind roam away from the topic at hand." The cold cut of the ladys voice yanks me from my thoughts once more, shaking my head and looking up to the elder woman. A sniffle escapes from my lips, surprise bursting in my chest as I raise a hand to wipe away at my eyes, when did I start to cry? Why would I cry to begin with? Why, why does my heart seem to be trying to beat out of my chest? The gentle chiming of my friend, the friend in this place echoes in my ears as it presses against my cheek before zipping under my hands. I curl my fingers around its glass body as I take in a deep shuddering breath, welcoming in the warmth as best I can. Ahah, I guess I got too caught up in my mind again. Pay attention Zeke, control yourself.
"Please forgive me, Miss, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a bit on my mind. Do you mind repeating yourself?" I respond to her in a polite voice as I shuffle in my seat again, the sound of blood rushing in my ears dying slowly dying down along with the beating of my heart. She continues to stare blankly, her robes not even shifting as she breathes. She is breathing, right? Maybe it's merely a trick of the light that I can't seem to notice it, or from the weary feeling that clouds my mind, but her robes remain as stock still as the look that's plastered on her face.
"I see, although your current lack of control over your emotions is simple enough to grasp, you'd be best to subdue such a thing as effectively as possible, don't you think?" She asks me that, but I don't think that's anything beyond a rhetorical question in that wooden and emotionless voice, it doesn't even sound as chiding as I expected from someone as frosty as her. I bite down any questioning remarks that stir in my chest and give her a stiff nod, rolling the golden orb between each hand for comfort, surely this lady isn't as emotionless as she seems, right? Here I thought that Edward could mask his emotions well.
"You've my thanks for that at least, Mister Zeke. Put simply, this place is merely a fabrication of your own mind created with memories of your past, subconscious or otherwise. I'm more than confident that you'd have seen such things to rouse the sense of 'deja vu', I believe it's called." She continues to explain, my head nodding along with her as she speaks.
"Yeah, everything I've seen here seems so familiar, but why does everything seem so decayed, so broken? That isn't how it looked when I first saw it, right? Is that just how my head sees it?"
"A correct enough answer to surmise from what you know, though there's far more nuance from merely how one like you sees such things. The "corruption", as you put it, is simply the degeneration of memories long since lost due to your… introduction to the world, the fact that you've managed to scavenge such memories in the first place is intriguing as is." Something about the way she speaks sets off alarms in my head, I know this lady, don't I? She seems almost as scholaristic as Lucy does, just far more emotionally detached.
"Ah, right. So I guess you know about the whole death deal, then?"
"Of course, any being in here with an ounce of artificial sentience ought to know such things you do, though there could be some exceptions to that rule that we may be unaware of."
"Mock sentience? What do you mean by that?"
"This place is a dream, nothing more and nothing less, any persons in this place are merely products formed by your mind itself. You already know this, although you mightn't wish to admit it to yourself." I purse my lips together and continue to rub at the orb, its dull chiming ringing throughout the room. I don't know if that really says much beyond confirming what I suspected, but I knew that this was a dream, right? At least, I thought so, how would this chick know more about me than myself? I guess that's not too much of a stretch to think that, I remember Adrian digging further into my memory than I can actually recall, but still...
"So what about you, then? Who are you, who's the little orb here?" I push on and gently raise a hand up, displaying said little orb to the stoic lady. She looks with an impassive gaze over the orb as it chimes once more, floating above my hand ever so slightly.
"I'm no one, I'm not a true living thing, nothing more than the fragmented memories of a person whose long since past in the memories that lay dormant within your mind. As for the orb of light that's following you, I'm afraid I can not say, whatever lies beneath its glass casing is beyond my own ken. As intriguing as it is, I'd lack the time to formally study such a thing extensively. The clock is always ticking, even as you sleep." She answers with that formal and stiff tone that I've slowly become accustomed with, though her unblinking and unnerving stare still sends shivers up my spine as I try to keep eye contact with her. Her ice cold blue eyes still seem familiar despite her words, if she's someone I've truly forgotten, why would I remember her at all? Her scholastic visage and way of speaking scratches at my mind even as I bring my hand back to myself, rubbing softly at the glass once more, at least the pain in my arm and legs feels as if it's been properly numbed, at least for now.
"I, eh, I guess I shouldn't have expected a fulfilling answer, just more questions to add on to the pile. But I know that I know you, at least a little bit! Do you have a name, are you like Adrian? Can I bring either of you out of this place? And what do you mean by 'the clock is always ticking'?" Something sparks in my chest as I speak of Adrian, where is he anyways? This lady would know where he'd be, right?
"The chances of you bringing either of us out of this place is nil, although such an idea would be considered admirable from what I recall. This place is naught but a dream after all, somehow bringing something created from the depths of your mind is what would be considered impossible. 'Adrian', as you've taken to calling him, wasn't created from a dream, but from your mind itself. If my name is not something that you can recollect, then it's not something I can bring to light either, I'm merely fragments scattered and hastily brought together to form this body amidst your dream Your slumber will end, soon you awake into the real world once more, and this place will fade away into the depths of your mind. Odds are that you'll forget about it, it's just a dream after all." I huff and furrow my brows as she continues to respond, the orbs chiming doing little to dull the feelings stirring in my chest.
"If this dream is just in my mind, what's stopping me from trying to remember you two both in and out of sleep? Surely that should account for something, right? I don't want to forget things, I'm trying to remember dammit."
"Everyone forgets things, it's simply how life works, whether it be important or not. Needless to say, we're likely not very important to your mind, and trying to force yourself to remember would do you more harm than good."
"Why shouldn't I? If I remember you at all, then you probably mean something, right? I know your voice, I might not remember your face, but I know we've spoken at least once dammit!"
"You may attempt such a thing, then, I'm not exactly in the position to attempt to stop you. It'd be an experiment of your minds tenacity if nothing else." Something about her way of speaking is setting off alarms in my skull the more she talks, the more her spiritless sounding voice rackets around in my brain. I purse my lips as a faint memory passes, it's a very early memory, but it's one that I can remember!
"The dream journal, you're from that, aren't you? I remember pulling that little thing out from the same cabinet that I used as an entry way into this place to begin with! I think you were talking about me being a subject for... something I think?" I know she's from there, I know it, why can't I remember dammit? Surely it wasn't that long ago, right? It's not that hard to remember that, right Zeke? The beginnings of a growl rumbles in my chest as the orb of light chimes in my hand once again, its light flaring out from the gaps in my fingers as I grip at it, wincing and rubbing at the pulse of pain in my skull.
"Perhaps I am, perhaps I wasn't, I'm afraid I don't have the answer for you." I huff again and grimace, a flare of a heated anger burning in my chest as I lower my hand from my skull, drumming my fingers against my thigh while I soften my grip on the glass ball. I rub my thumb against its body and take in slow breaths, there's not need to use such a fragile looking thing as a stress ball, fucking control yourself god dammit.
"Why is it that questions that you answer only seem to bring more questions? I thought you were meant to be good at that?" I'm meant to be getting answers dammit, that's the purpose of asking fucking questions, not to have more fucking questions pop up from those answers with seemingly the sole purpose of fucking with me dammit!
"Perhaps the answers to your questions are simply ones that breeds more questions due to its own nature, dreams can be as abstract as the dreamer themselves wishes it to be. While I can attempt to understand your frustrations to the best of my abilities, I believe we've already spoken about you controlling your emotions, Mister Zeke. Please seat yourself so we can continue once more" I blink rapidly as a loud chiming forces my focus to return to me, the feeling of strain on my legs bringing my focus back as I look down to myself, the palms of my hands pressing against the cold wood while the orb of light buzzes around me. My chest heaves with heavy and heated breaths as my eyes meet with the enigmatic lady, her eyes as impassive and cold as always as I plant myself back on to the seat, an almost embarrassed and numb feeling travelling from my chest to my head.
"..sorry Miss. I'm just, confused and angry I guess, it's been a long night, but I shouldn't be getting angry at you because of it." I apologise to her with a sour taste on my lips, looking away from the ladys stare, a sad pang reverberating in my chest as the orb of light nudges at my cheek again with a soft chime.
"Such a borderline violent outburst isn't surprising from you given your history, though your apology is accepted, albeit needless. You can do no harm to me after all, though I don't believe the same can be extended to your glass associate. Perhaps it would be better to divert our attention to other topics and questions instead, just for you." I tilt my head as she speaks, the way she does so doesn't seem to make me think that she's boasting in the slightest, nor does she sound like she's trying to demean me either. It just sounds like someone that's trying to state a simple truth in a flat, almost bored sounding tone too. She's right though, it might be better to drop the topic, at least for now.
"What do you mean by that? Can you stop me from, you know, freaking out and doing things?" I ask her with a soft tone and a wince, the flash of quite a few memories pushing their way through my mind. Lord knows I'd need some help with controlling that. A soft and welcoming warmth brings me out of those brooding thoughts as it washes over me, the pulsating glow of my little friend is a thankful respite from those memories, I don't think I can exactly handle those at the moment if I'm gonna be honest. The edges of my lips curl upwards as I glance over them for a brief moment, gently nudging against them myself with my cheek. Thanks, little buddy, I wish I could thank you more though.
"While I don't believe it to be possible to stop your bouts of mania and lapse of judgement myself, when I say you can do no harm to me, I mean it physically. Perhaps a physical demonstration is in order to prove such a claim, though. Reach out and touch me, Mister Zeke, there will be no harm to yourself, if you're to be distrustful of such a demand." She reaches out to me with an arm, her pink and pale coloured hand looks dry in the light, her fingers curled slightly in an outstretched, almost beckoning gesture. Her pale blue eyes don't even reflect the light that permeates the room, looking between her gaze and the outstretched hand. I can't say I expected someone as bookish as her to be so lax with physical contact, but she clearly has a reason for that if she's so bold to sound so truthful in her claim. I inch myself closer to the lady, leaning over and maintaining eye contact with her as I close the gap, reaching out with a hand as the other grips at my thigh. My fingers twitch and curl as I lower my hand towards her, a foggy feeling pressing on my mind.
What if she's wrong, though? What if I do get a hold of her when my mood sours and degrades to the point of violence once more? My recent interactions with people who're sentient haven't exactly been the friendliest, she could be wrong about being safe from what I can do, what I've done. I've managed to tear myself from my body to use fucking magic in this place god dammit, clearly whatever's happening here isn't normal, what if I see her scattered remains of bone and grey meat smattered across the walls? Can I stomach that sight again? What if I turn on to my little friend, the only reason I've been able to stand in this place to begin wi-
"Mister Zeke." Her cold and droning voice shakes me from my thoughts, jolting away and staring at her through widened eyes, sharp and shuddering gasps for air running through my lungs while I hold my hand to my chest. I grit my teeth and retreat into the seat, sweat beading on my forehead as the light orb nudges against me again.
"Why are you afraid?" She questions me simply and flatly, her stare still firmly glued to my eyes, I can still see her look through me out of the corner of my eyes as I look away. I'm, am I scared? I think I am, no, I'm sure I am actually. This feeling of blood rushing through my veins, there's little mistaking that.
"I don't want to hurt you, I don't even want to think of hurting you, but I do anyway. I don't, I don't like to hurt people god dammit, I like to fight, I don't know if that's a me thing or a basitin thing, but sparring with Edward is fun, But hurting people? Killing people? By the gods, how the fuck can I stomach myself even thinking about that here, how the fuck can I try to manage that when I get out of here? Would everyone hate me, what about Mabel? Does she know what I've done?" All of those thoughts that I've shoved down since I've pushed myself into this place erupts back into existence as I bring my knees to my chest, hissing out those words through my gritted teeth, my heart sinking as the alerted and worried chiming from the orb of light fills my ears, why does it care for me, why did it save me in the first place? Why does it care? It shouldn't, I don't deserve it dammit. A sniffle escapes my throat before I smother my face into my arm, my body twitching every so often as the thundering beating of my heart starts to die down. When did it even start to rise to begin with? Why'd I suddenly shit myself like that, I don't normally do that, right? I rest my chin on my arms as I look up to the mysterious lady again, her gaze still pinned onto me. Unwavering, unblinking, permanently staring gaze, she doesn't seem in the slight bit affected by it all, how does she do that? I know that nothing in this place is meant to be normal by any means, but still, some semblance of normality would at least kind of help me feel better, something that isn't like this anyways. But, isn't that a bit greedy or self centered for me to think that? Shouldn't I be over this already?
"Mister Zeke, you have my assurance that I am perfectly safe from whatever harm you may possibly inflict, though I won't attempt to force you to grasp at my hand. Our time may be limited, but we shall move at your pace, just for you." Again with that plain tone from her, free from judgement and any emotion that I can perceive, her steady hand still outstretched and beckoning. I rub at my face and wipe away the building waterworks that form on the edges of my vision, a throaty sniffling forcing its way out as I reach for her hand. I bite at the inside of my cheek as our hands come closer, what feels like a mixture of bile and nerves dancing in my stomach as my hand glides just above her skin. I want to pull away, every fibre of my being screams at me to do so, her cold yet previously affirming words seems like a poor form of protection in place of actual self defence, is she absolutely sure?
The lady says nothing, the only audible sound that echoes in the room being the soft thrumming from the small friend that hovers around me, filling my chest with what feels like a gentle urging to go on. I swallow my feelings as best as I can and take a grab at her free hand. My hand passes through hers, feeling as it's touching dust passing by on the wind, blinking and processing the moment. I bring my shaky hand up to her hand once more, pressing down and through her slowly, watching as her limb ebbs and flows around mine before reconstructing itself. A hollow feeling laughter bubbles in my chest as I pull away from her, rubbing a hand against my face as I chuckle aloud. Hah, ahahah, she's a fucking ghost. No wonder she wasn't scared of me, I can't physically touch her to begin with. She's safe, safe from me.
"Well, don't I feel fucking stupid, huh?" I rhetorically ask aloud, running my hand up and through my stringy feeling hair, paying little attention to the buzzing of the orb that hovers around me. The mysterious lady soundlessly brings her hand back and places it atop the other, looking as prim and proper as before.
"Whilst you might've had some interactions with non physical beings in your time within your mind, it would be unfair to call you a dolt due to your inexperience with such things, despite your immediate feelings on the matter. Do you wish to talk about it?" I can't help but raise an eyebrow as I look to her, shuffling myself into a more upright seating position.
"What? What is there to talk about to begin with? I was just worried about hurting you is all, nothing more, I just don't like maiming people dammit. Real or otherwise, it just feels wrong, and I'll deal with the consequences of it myself when it arises." An uncomfortable feeling brews in my chest as she continues to stare through me, my ears flattening against my neck as the orbs dull chiming fill my ears. Was it something I said?
"I personally believed that it'd be rather obvious that the incident between the three keidran prior to coming here would've affected your mental state negatively, but clearly you think otherwise. Why is that?" She leans forward as she continues to question me, her chilly blue eyes suddenly seem to glow in the light, pursing my lips together as I furrow my brow. The fuck is this? Some sort of mix between an interrogation and faux therapy session? What's her angle?
"Here I thought I was meant to be asking questions, not the other way around, why the change?" I retort with a hot huff, squinting as I stare into the ladys eyes. She doesn't twitch an inch, not even a blink.
"The pursuit of knowledge for oneself and other related topics can easily be stifled by a brooding mind, if you don't wish to answer the question, then I won't push you for it." She answers with a level headed coldness, looking away from her stare as I shuffle in my seat. Bah, can't match her staring like that, no point.
"Why does it matter? I made a big old fuck up to begin with, and I'll reap what I sow dammit, the deals been done. Whatever hatred I may receive from my friends and family is one I'll take on the chin."
"While I may not be fully capable of comprehending those around you, why is it that you feel as if you deserve their hatred? Why do you believe that they'll react to you with the scorn you hold for yourself?" I can already see this conversation going to shit, god I don't want to talk about this. I hum and tap my fingers against my leg, the warmth from the orb nestling into my neck helps with soothing my nerves. Well shit, I guess this is some sort of fucky therapy session then, I guess I'll roll with it so long as it gets me closer to getting Adrian and I out of here.
"Why wouldn't they? It's not as if that entire scene would've been pleasant to the eye for anyone there." A shiver runs up my spine as I feel a grimace force its way on my face, especially Mabel. Gods, how the fuck can I even face her?
"While the possibility that they may hold contempt for your actions may exist, you can't quite predict how they'd react to such a thing just yet, only time will tell. It seems that 'scene' as you call it wasn't quite pleasant for you either, Mister Zeke."
"Really? I didn't notice the vomit before passing out, nor did I notice the self loathing for the shitfest of a fight ever since then, thank you for bringing it to light! No, really, I almost forgot about it for a second."
"Sarcasm as a self defence mechanism to alleviate mental stress is not too uncommon, it's one that you resort too often enough to lighten the emotional mood on yourself, though it's a far cry from actually accepting help. It would be wise for us to primarily focus on you first, such loathing is unhea-"
"Yes, fuck, I get it already. Can we please change the top-"
"Why?" I blink as she cuts me off, recoiling slightly from shock as her glare seems to intensify, the cold blue of her iris seems to glow in the residing darkness of the room. I uh, I really didn't expect her to do that. I open my mouth to rebut, my jaw hanging dumbly before I close it again, humming to myself as I look to the desk. Why do I want to change the topic? Talking about these things gets my heart beating, like being chased by that monster again, why is that?
"..I dunno, I guess I'm just scared to talk about it, I'm scared of a lot of things really, especially for others. I'm not exactly comfortable with thinking of it though, let alone talking about it, no offense to you I mean. I'd like to imagine that you're trying to help me, you and the little buddy here are probably the only friendly things in this place anyways, and I do trust its judgement with you. I'd rather just let it happen, it's not like I can stop myself from thinking about them anyways, I worry about them all a lot, and how they see me." I finally choke out an answer through my clogged throat as I sigh, slumping in my seat as a sad feeling smile wanders onto my face, the little buddy nudging into my cheek with a concerned sounding chime. Sorry, little buddy, I know you care for me and everything, it's probably why you pushed me out of the darkness to begin with. It's… hard to explain, I really wish I could put it into words dammit.
"Do you wish to overcome that fear, Mister Zeke? For yourself and for others?" I jolt backwards and stare at her, the feeling of confusion blossoming in my chest.
"What sort of question is that? Of course I'd like to get over it, I'd like to at least try dammit. What's with all these questions anyways? No offense, but I can't exactly see why you'd care."
"Contemplation is one of the first stages of wanting change for oneself, the simple wish to do better is an important wish within itself. The only reason I've been asking these questions, Mister Zeke, is because the imprint of your own thoughts left upon the memory of this person wishes it so." I purse my lips and raise an eyebrow, what? What the fuck is that meant to mean, am I just mentally slow or some shit?
"Can you uh, explain that last part to me like I'm a normal person? I'm feeling a bit slow at the moment, and every word from you sounds like it's going through a thesaurus, it doesn't help that I'm not sure if you're meaning all that in a literal or non literal way." I bite at the inside of my cheek as an awkward silence suddenly rules the room, squirming in my seat as she looks through me with a vacant expression. I uh, I hope that I didn't offend her in some way there, why's she looking at me like that? To my surprise, she finally blinks for once, her chest heaving as she takes in a deep breath before looking back towards me, an odd spark behind her otherwise deadened looking eyes.
"You've my apologies, Mister Zeke, I was caught in the middle of my thoughts. Simply put, I'm only here because there's a little part of you that wishes to be a better person, so much so that those thoughts have been left to me, despite your… other, more dominant mental reflections. That's why this has turned into a 'fucky therapy session', as you've once thought." An embarrassed smile makes its way on my face as I rub at the back of my neck, I can feel my face burning red as the orb of lights chimes fills the room.
"I uh, shit, when you put it like that, now I feel really awkward. Sorry about that." I apologize with a soft tone of voice, my hand sliding down from my neck and returning to its idly tapping against my leg. Why do I do that anyways? I guess it kills the excess energy that jolts around inside me, it helps me keep steady in some way.
"It's quite alright, Mister Zeke, your… less than flowery vocabulary is far from a surprise after all. If there's one thing to take from myself if we were to drop the topic at that point, it would be to withhold judgement that you predict your friends to have until you personally speak to them. Do you regret having to murder them?" That question sounds so cold and callous coming from her, wincing slightly as I rub a hand up my arm, partially to soothe the immediate feeling of surprise. Jesus, really fucking call me out that hard there huh? I guess you're not one to mince words, lady.
"Well, yeah, obviously. Despite how good it felt at the time, all I can feel is disgust from it all, also worry, a whole lot of fucking worry, but you already know that."
"If you were to be in that same situation, would you let them have their way with you? Beings who'd resort to depraved actions such as consuming the corpse of another seems far from a compassionate person, at least in this case. Would you let them kill you, and leave your friends to find your corpse?"
"What? Fuck no, I might be a craven bastard sometimes, but if that was a fight to the death then I had to live. I wish it didn't have to end like that, and if I wasn't so fucking weak I'd have done it myself instead of lapsing into anger again, glorifying pain and violence like that is, its abhorrant! Death should be swift, there shouldn't be pain, but that's the only thing I'd change." A strange mixture of deja vu and determination brews in my chest as I stare at the mysterious lady, something about this conversation seems so fucking familiar, just bordering on the edge of realisation.
"...I've already had this conversation before, haven't I? Not with you, but with myself, before I came into here." I squint and stare at the lady as I lean forward, resting my chin in the palm of my hand as my elbow digs into the wooden table. Now I know that there's something fucking fishy about all this. Predictably enough, the lady remains motionless, her dead blue eyes giving nothing away.
"That you have, Mister Zeke, you've had a conversation very similar to this with yourself, I'm quite surprised that you remembered it to be truthful."
"Then why rehash the same thing? What does it do beyond using up my time?"
"Because Mister Zeke, you're quite a frightened person, especially when you need to face yourself." I blink and slump in my chair, furrowing my brow as I stare into the wood. I can't face myself? What does she mean by tha-
A thick shadow wraps around the things neck like a blanket, falling around itself with a hefty and fleshy sounding 'whap', the hood that rests upon its head covering all but its monstrous and ever growing grin. My hands tremble as it edges closer, the slither of darkness creeping at the edge of my vision, its teeth encompassing my view. Oh god please don't do this to me, I don't want to die here, I don't wanT TO BE EATEN.
Fear grips my chest as a cold jolt runs itself up my spine, gritting my teeth as I clutch at my head, a cold flash running through my body as I gasp for air, the shrill chiming of the light orb mixing with the sound of blood rushing in my ears. My fingers dig into my scalp for a few moments longer before I feel the sweet numbing release, the pulsating in my skull dying down along with the beating of my heart. I swallow my spit and hold my head in my hands as I look up to the lady, blinking away the blur in my vision as best I can.
"Judging from your reaction and visage, I believe you've found the answer to your question?" She asks cooly, pursing my lips together as I give her a weak nod. Yeah, I think I do, and I dunno if I can actually ask another question like that, not even to myself.
"I gather that you don't wish to try to face yourself like that again within this current dream, correct?" I nod dumbly, the feeling of shame weighing on my limbs as I force myself into a seating position, reaching up and rubbing a shaky thumb over the floating orb, a whining chime being its immediate reply.
"Does that make me a coward, Miss?" I ask her with a croaky voice, a grimace forming on my face. Being unable to face myself, that's a cowardly act, right?
"Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't, that's for yourself to decide. It isn't required that you face yourself just yet, it'd be quite unwise after all given your mental state. Think of it as a desire beyond anything else, a thing to strive towards for self betterment." I mumble to myself as I let go of the orb, rubbing my fingers against my temple. I, I guess that's a smarter idea? It'd be better than trying to force myself to do it and failing immediately, and setting goals would help more than blundering in blindly. I give the lady a nod, she is right about this, and she's only done me well so far...
"I believe that's all the time we have currently, time ticks on, and you'd like to be gathering your… crude sounding doppelganger before you leave this place." I raise an eyebrow as she makes a gesture with her dainty looking hand, twisting my neck and turning behind me. The edges of the door that leads out of the room glows at the edges with a bright light, tendrils of white seeping from the bottom of the door. Thats, uh, definitely not what I'm used to seeing around here, but I'll take it at face value.
The legs of the chair screeches against the wooden floor as I push myself up, wobbling on unsteady legs before making my way over to it. I grit my teeth as my leg flares up in pain again, my attempt at a stride turning into a slow limp. Ahah, of course I'd fucking forget about that, I sure hope that doesn't carry over into the real world. I stand in front of the exit, a frown forcing its way, twisting my head to look over the lady.
"...Little buddy? Aren't you coming with me?" I ask the floating orb, tilting my head as my frown deepens. It chimes sadly, hovering around the strange ladys shoulders, looking as impassive as always.
"While your 'little buddy' might be of a different caliber than myself, we are naught but figures of your imagination within your mind, we can not pass through where you wish to tread. I believe I can speak for the both of us to wish you a fortuitous end to your dream, though." Her voice echoes throughout the room as she holds a hand up, waving stiffly with an unblinking stare, the orb of light letting out a saddened chiming alongside her gesture. It feels… strange, to be without that little orb, as if I'm leaving an old friend. It kind of hurts to stay away from them. I press a hand against the handle, jiggling and twisting it lightly, son of a bitch, it almost hurts to leave. I don't want to forget them, and I don't want them to feel forgotten, doesn't matter that this is some sort of fucked up dream. A sad smile pushes its way on my face as I twist my neck around.
"Hey, I'll remember you two, nameless or otherwise!" I call out to them with a determined nod, shifting my stare between the two of them. The orbs gleeful chiming fills the air as she laps around the ladys head, her mouth agape for a moment before closing, her only response being a solemn nod in return. I flash them a grin before pushing my way through the door, the cold light surrounds and encompasses me in a flash.
….
The sound of my claws clicking against the floor fills the void, an ever widening abyss that seems to lead to nowhere surrounds me on all sides. Despite that, there's some sort of tugging at my heart that seems to lead me onwards, the pain in my leg numbed enough to step through the darkness comfortably enough. I look down and over my clothes, flexing and curling my hand, the leather glove repaired to its original state, before I fell in here. I wince as the phantom pains of the monstrous gnawing clutches at it, a shiver sliding up my spine as I try to shake it away. Come on Adrian, I know you're here, where the fuck are you, you goddamn leach.
The tugging in my chest thrums with a strengthened force, a smile appearing on my lips before I fully realise it. Closer, ever closer, if I put you in here I'll get you out of here. It takes a while longer of seemingly aimless walking, diverting off of the straight path as the strings in my chest tugs me along, squinting my eyes slightly to peer into the distance. My walk turns into a job, then a sprint as I make my way over to the figure, stopping in place as his form comes into view.
I remain silent as I approach the still man, his standing body slouched and arms limp beside him. I sigh to myself as I stand in front of him, a guilty feeling stirring in my chest. I did this to him, not intentionally, but I did anyway, I can't imagine that this place was nice to him in the slightest. How can I wake him anyways? Should I yell at him, could I touch him? I could touch the orb of light when it was, well, possessing me, maybe it's the same deal here? I guess there's no harm in trying.
I reach out and cup at his cheek, brushing my thumb against it, it feels strange to see an exact duplicate of myself in this way, and it's weirder to feel myself touching him, I can feel the hair on my cheek shift alongside it. That's fucking trippy, please wake up Adrian. A small groan comes from him, hope igniting in my chest as he stirs, pulling away from him as he lifts his head, half lidded eyes looking to me and around in the abyss.
"... What the fuck did you get us into?" I can't help but snicker as he sneers, the duplicate visibly shivering as he rubs at his face, eyelids flickering to show off his blue eyes, cloudy and half lidded, and utterly confused.
"You can go through my memories later, it's a bit of a long story, and I wanna get you out of here." I reply with a smile, wincing slightly as he stumbles over his two feet, a loud and guttural groan coming from his throat as he clutches at his head.
""Jesus fucking Christ, it feels like I've had someone beat my skull in with a baseball bat, felt like I've been stuck i-"
"In almost purgatory? Yeah, I've been there, it's not exactly the funnest place. Let me help you walk before you trip over yourself." I cut off the mumbling and irritated sounding man as I loop his arm over my shoulders, keeping a firm hold of it as my spare hand holds at his waist, lugging him away from this place.
"...How the fuck can you touch me?" He whines with an indignant tone, a heated huff coming from him as I snicker.
"Long story, this place makes fuck all sense, don't question it too much. Just let me get you outta here, something tells me that we're at the end of this dream, are you gonna be okay?" I look over him with a worried eye, my ear twitching as he mumbles something, rubbing at his face once again.
"Yeah, head hurts like a mother fucker, but that's normal when I'm stuck with your dumb ass." A sigh escapes my lips as they curl upwards, looking up to focus on the trek. It's nice to see that this bastard's snark's still in place, I'd be more concerned if he was being nice. We pass through the void in silence with naught but the clicking of our claws, the man feels oddly light on my shoulders too, then again, he doesn't exactly have a physical body. I squint as a bright light suddenly flares in front of the both of us, eyes burning before it dissipates, a pure white door frame, I sure hope that leads to the end of this nightmare.
"Should I question it?"
"It'd only make more questions, don't worry about it too much." The exchange between us ends with a shrug from myself and an aggravated sigh from the disgruntled man, the warmth from the light radiates with a welcoming feeling, feeling like a warm blanket at the end of a cold night. The warmth and light encompasses us both as I drag us through it, squeezing my eyes shut as my vision fills with white.
Authors note, 23/09/2020
Next update may be a bit slower than usual due to family reasons, chapter 42 will very likely be done before the end of the month at least.