The rush of cool air filling my lungs is the first thing that I feel as my mind stirs, a light weight pressing on my chest, what feels like a drunken fog suppressing my other senses as I instinctively curl my hands around a warm mound of fur. My eyelids flutter as I weakly try to force them open, remaining shut despite my efforts, letting out an exhausted sounding sigh as I let my head fall back, thudding against wood. I assume it's the wood of the wagon that I'm smacking my head against, the warm fur that I ruffle with my hands is Mabel, there's no doubt about that. Why do I feel so weak, so enfeebled? Is that a side effect from the nightmare, or just from straining my body in that fight? I don't feel pain at least, just an overwhelmingly lethargic feeling, forcing my legs to twitch as best as they can despite the sluggish feeling certainly doesn't ignite any discomfort at least, the pain I once felt in that nightmare ended with the dream itself it seems. Thank fucking lord that doesn't carry over into the real world, I'd be pretty pissed if it did.
Hey Adrian, you there? I hope you are, how are you feeling? Any abnormalities or issues at all? That dream was a bit of a fucking nightmare to run through.
Ah shut the fuck up you swine, I feel like my heads been fucked with a jackhammer while being torched at the same fucking time, I'd wish this pain on you if I wouldn't have to feel it myself on the rebound because being your conscious mind blows ass. It's actually such fucking bullshit, why the fuck you can't feel what I feel is beyond me and it only pisses me off, son of a mother fucking bi-
My lips curl up into a smile as I let out a soft sigh, tuning out the rest of Adrians monologue as best I can. Can't believe I missed this foul mouthed parasite, at least my head doesn't feel as lonely as before, and he's close enough to a friend to want to keep him in there. Then again, I don't have very good tastes in friends, do I? Other than Mabel, but she's not exactly a friend to her I'd imagine, just.. Ich, just her master, I feel my mouth sour even thinking about that, it still rubs me the wrong way. I wonder if there's a better word to try to use there. I feel my throat clog up as a mental image of Mabels sweet little smile invades my mind, clutching at the warm fur that fills my hands. Fuck, speaking of the girl, I knew that this would eventually have to come up, but there's still that feeling of guilt and worry that gnaws at my chest, what does she know? She should know what happened, chances are that Edward dragged me in here to begin with, does she actually care about it? Why else would she still be trying to use me as a fucking bed? She's a kid, just a kid, she probably doesn't know the extent of what I've done.
Hey waste of skin, your constant thoughts is kind of pissing me off, I haven't even had time to go through your memories yet, what's got your knickers in a twist?
Sorry, I'm just thinking. I don't know if I should be thinking too much, thinking just makes me feel like shit garbage, at least if it's garbage drivel that's coming from you it doesn't feel as bad. Dunno why, but I'm not gonna question it. Do you remember the fight?
The one with the trio of savages, right? What about it? It was a fight, they lost, we won. Simple as that, just wish you didn't throw me into the depths of your icky fucking mind though.
You really don't see an issue with how it turned out? None at all?
Other than the banishment, I don't really care about how they were dealt with in the end. They're dead and we're alive, it's how fights like that go after all. I can't exactly say that the joy and despair that's coming from your heart because of it is something I'm gonna take into account, I don't give too much of a shit about ya beyond keeping us alive and preferably out of physical pain.
I guess so, but I still feel ill over it, ich. Can't say I'm particularly excited over getting up to figuratively face the music, but I know I have to eventually.
You'll get over it eventually, waste of skin, you're only gonna be hearing clown music at this rate you little bastard . When are you gonna get off your ass anyways? I'm sure that your 'friends' are gonna have a bunch of questions over what happened.
I'm not sure, I think I'm a little apprehensive over opening my eyes, saying that I feel nervous would be an understatement. I'll know what they think when I get to them, but Mabels the one I'm concerned with the most.
Aw, are you can't even face the slave child that you've bought because of a fucking fight, isn't that just absolutely wonderously pathetic, and it's in character for you to boot! It's just a keidran, and a kid on top of it too.
Callous parasitic bastard, hurry up and bury your head in my memories like you said you would, just so I don't have to stomach your existence for a while.
I'm what you want me to be, so whose fault is that? And that's at least something we're in agreement over, I was just about to dip into your brain to sort through those memories, it might take a while, so it's less time I have to spend listening to your pointless garbage. See you later, waste of skin.
I let out another sigh as I feel his presence retreat into my mind, an uncomfortable scratching feeling pawing at the back of my skull, a cold shiver running up my spine. Alright then, see you later I guess you leeching bastard. Can't believe I missed this fucker, a part of me is already regretting saving his worthless ass. At least part of my mind feels somewhat at ease from fixing the mess that I've caused if nothing else.
My eyelids still feel heavy, though I force it open regardless through the caked feeling of sleep, staring up and into a cloth ceiling held up by the wooden structure, turning my sight towards the exit of the wagon, the dark of the moonlight washing into the room from between the drapes. A feeling of nervous dread builds in my chest as I bite at the inside of my cheek, come on you mother fucker, surely you can at least look at the girl, right? You aren't gonna do anything to her, she's fine, she's safe. My throat clenches as I look down to the slumbering girl, her face buried into my side as she curls up beside me, my comparatively oversized hand clutching at her shoulder as she purrs aloud, stuttering and shifting slightly as she shivers suddenly shivers.
I purse my lips together as I look over her curled body, she's so small, so fragile. She's a fucking child, her bones could be made of glass and it wouldn't change her physical fortitude, is she safe around me? It feels like my heart's threatening to burst out my chest with how explosive it's pulsating, my vision blurring as my thoughts fog over, a cold and unpleasant numbing feeling running through my veins as I stare over her limp form. Can you trust yourself to take care of her, to not break her like you did the others? I can wrap a hand around her throat pretty easily, she's a dainty and innocent looking little thing, it'd all be so easy wouldn't it? Who could stop me if we're alone to begin with? How can I stop myself when it's so tempting? No one would be surprised if they already have me for what happened to the savages before, no one would know, and I..
I'm…
Oh my god.
I swallow down the bile that clings to the side of my throat, the acidic tasting vomit travels down my gullet and burns in my stomach as I bring the girl closer, her soft fur pressing into mine as I try to push my way through those dark thoughts. I squeeze my eyes shut as I try to force the bubbling fury that burrows in my skin down, that red hot sadistic anger eventually subsiding after a few tense moments, the lingering remains of it turning into the smoldering ashes of a heavy guilty burden that weighs on my shoulders like a nasty sludge. What the fuck are you trying to do Zeke? You trying to be some sort of base born bastard that turns into a rabid dog when your immediate immoral instincts flare up, or are you the delusional man that's trying to act like a fake fucking hero to a kid that probably has no actual idea on what's going on? At least pretend to try to fight those thoughts probably, you little bastard, or do you just not care about the girl? Knock that dumb shit out of you Zeke, you put so much pride into saying that you wanted to protect her, are you really gonna abandon that promise so easily?
The purring of the still sleeping kid quells the thundering rampage in my chest and mind, at least for now, keeping a keen eye on her still form as I curl my arm around her shoulders, enveloping her in a tentative hug. My lips curl up into a smile despite the guilt that presses into my chest, her breathing soft and steady as she snoozes away, seemingly without a care in the world. It at least looks like she doesn't hate me, she looks as if she's having a good night sleep for once, any comfort is better than that crate I found her in, I'd bet. All of those thoughts, that's not what I want to do, I don't want to hurt her. I'm not a monster, I did what I had to do in that fight, I made a fucking promise to protect her and I'll stick with it to the end. Whether it be the end of my journey to do something to get her to a safe place or the end of me specifically, I don't know, but I'm shit at planning anyways.
What was it that the strange lady said, something about self betterment and facing myself? Wouldn't trying to stave off those thoughts be a part of bettering myself? It's on the right tracks, right? It's not like I can exactly run from myself for very long, can I? I've been angry plenty of times, but I've never let it control me like that, I don't think I can make a promise to anything to stop myself from falling into that mess again, but I can damn fucking well try. A resolute feeling pulsates in my chest as I raise a hand to her head, running it through the short hair on her head, her purring turns into a gentle coo, it sounds like a delightful chiming that I welcome to echo in my skull. I'll do it, if not for myself, then for others. I can do this, I'm stubborn enough at least try to brute force my head through it all repeatedly anyways. Just a path towards bettering myself, I have to try to hold myself to that… Maybe I could try to set up a plan with someone else to, well, less than gently put me down if I lose myself again. Fairly sure either Edward or Lucy could put me on my ass, Edward did beat me in that sparring fight, and Lucys magic could probably take my head off as it is. That's assuming that they're around though, and with Dartwood coming up soon, Edward and I might be parting ways pretty soon after all, hm...
A mumbling brings me out of my thoughts, l blinking and regaining my focus as the girl squirms into my side, her eyelids flickering open and drooping slightly as she rests her chin on my chest. She looks up to me with half lidded eyes, the golden glow behind them looks half focused and borderline confused, her maw opening wide as she lets out a squeak of a yawn. She's so innocent, so fucking pure looking, the disgust that remains in my gut rears its ugly head for a brief moment as I run my hand through the strands of her hair, the rumbling of her soft and happy purring audible and flowing through the air. Fantastic, now I just feel like more garbage for even thinking of hurting her, isn't that just grand?
"Hey kid, are you doing okay?" I croak out to the drowsy girl, wincing at the pain in my throat as she mumbles under her breath again, her immediate response being a slow nodding. She continues to press her head into my hand as she does so though, the edges of my lips curling up slightly at the sight. God, this kid's just a fucking cat, how adorable.
"Mn, m'okay… Are you okay, mister?" She shoots back with a question of her own with a soft voice, my ears straining to hear her hushed tone almost blending into the quiet of the night, a growing but small frown plain on her face as she looks up to me, her golden eyes almost look as it they're glowing in the dark. I feel a guilty wince of pain brush over my face that I try to hide with a widening and forced smile, planting my hand on her head to resume the affectionate petting, her happy sounding purring returning to fill the room. The child-like look in her eyes, the pure innocence that's shamelessly put on display behind those brilliant coloured eyes for any to see, it's something that fills me with a type of dirty shame of my own, mixed with an odd feeling of determination alongside it. Now I just feel worse for worrying the little kid about my own shit, she shouldn't have to have worries dammit, she's a child. She might officially be a slave, but I'll be damned if any mother fucker treats her as anything less than an innocent soul that deserves protecting. All this does is just reinforce my thoughts about her, I'll do what I need to do to protect her, regardless of who it's from.
...What does that make me then? Some sort of wretched bastard with a fixation on a kid, or an over zealous and over protective bastard instead? Neither is exactly ideal, and I'm not gonna just ask the kid how she feels about me out of the blue, it doesn't exactly sound tactful to try that.
"I'm alright kid, why do you ask?" I tilt my head as I look down to her, I can feel my heart cracking as her frown deepens, an abashed look appearing on her face as she lays her chin atop my chest again, her sight looking away from me as she nudges into my side. God fucking dammit, I feel like I've kicked a god damn puppy with the way she's acting.
"...You talked a lot in your sleep, and you were super squirmy, were you having a bad dream?" She tilts her head curiously as she continues to question me, it almost looks as if she's on the verge of shrinking away from me, too. I purse my lips together as I think back to that nightmare, the beating in my chest spiking in intensity for a second before dying down. Just calling it a bad dream isn't completely accurate, but close enough I guess, I figure that she's had her fair share of nightmares herself. It wasn't too long ago that I saw her squirming in a bed, her face contorted with discomfort, right?
Man, my sense of time is fucking garbage, not even gonna mention my memory, maybe I should work on those things sometime.
"Well, I'd be lying if I said it was a fine dream. Were you close to me when I was twisting around? I didn't bother you too much or hurt you, did I?" The dustings of a smile brushes over her face as she giggles, picking up her chin to shake her head at a leisurely pace before plopping it back down, I can barely even feel her head touching me as she drops it onto my chest. She fails to stifle a yawn, I can fucking feel my heart melt as she lets out a high pitched squeak. Oh my fucking god, I'm gonna die from this, I can already feel it. God dammit kid.
"Nuh, is okay, what were you dreaming about mister? Your face was all.. weird and stuff." She furrows her brows and squints as she looks up to me, her lips almost look like they're contorted into a confused pouting. I feel my ears flatten against the back of my head as I hum, scratching at my chin in thought. All weird and stuff, huh?
"What do you mean by 'all weird and stuff', kid? I didn't scare you did I?" I gently ruffle her short hair with a hand as I frown, my gentle humming masked by her purring as she nudges herself into my hand. I'm fully aware that I've dodged her first question, I'm just going to hope that she won't try to bring it up again, I don't think worrying a kid further with my nightmares would be a very nice thing to do.
"Nuh! You're very, uhm, unscary? I think that's the word, you're not scary at all!" She pushes my hand away from her face as she beams brightly, a calming feeling pressing against my chest and sedating the beating of my heart. God, she looks so god damn pure, seemingly so uncorrupted by the evil of the world that surrounds her. How can someone like this exist here, is it because she's a kid? That can't be the sole factor, right? There has to be something else, am I just a fucking weirdo for acting like this? Why does my heart try to attach itself to her so much, does that little buddy in the nightmare have something to do with it? If so, what could that have done? Maybe I'm just a lunatic, a mad mad man in this place. Her high spirited beaming suddenly falls from her face as she frowns, my heart sinking alongside it, did something happen?
"Did I do something wrong?" She suddenly whispers with a hushed whimper, her bottom lip trembling as she finishes her question, a cloud of confusion brewing behind the golden glow of her eyes. That's not just confusion, kids can't exactly hide their emotions very well, she's scared. She's not scared of me, is she?
"Listen kid, you haven't done anything wrong, why are you worrying? Forget about me for a second, are you okay, Mabel?" I almost fucking feel my heart snap as she whimpers again, a sorrowful and desperate one at that, the mix of a protective need and angry disgust rears its head again in my stomach as her whimpering reaches a peak, I can feel it being on the verge of turning into sobbing. Son of a bitch, what did I do to fuck up this Time? She almost seems reluctant to answer, face turning away from me as she squirms around, I can feel her trying to shrink in size, trying to hide. I stifle a sniffle of my own as I pull the ball of shuddering fluff into a hug, brushing up and down her back as I him softly to the poor little girl, keeping a hand atop her head to continue the petting as I rub my hands over her back.
"It's okay, it's okay, you're fine here Mabel, you're okay." I whisper to the girl, in a tone that I hope to be soothing enough for her, keeping my voice low and even levelled. It takes a while to console the child, her borderline sobbing fit eventually dies down to a soft whimpering, until even that is stamped down into a gentle but unsteady cycle of breathing. I hold the girl in my arms for a bit longer, she almost feels like she's made fragile glass like this, anyone who could touch her with malicious intent could shatter her. Who did this to her, what fucking monster made her become like this dammit, I-
I need to stop, stamp out those angry thoughts Zeke, now's not the fucking time for me to lose my shit. I need to help the kid, I have to help her dammit. Whatever she needs, I'll give to her. I still rub at her back with a tentative touch, my ears twitching as the sound of her breathing finally levels out in its entirety, I can feel her forehead nudge against my chest lightly.
"You feeling better, kid?" I ask her as I slowly pull away, a deep frown still plastered on my face as she sniffles, the girl dragging her hands over her face to wipe away the tears that leak from it, her fur mattered and wet. I can feel my heart breaking looking at the sight, something about a kid crying is abhorrent enough to make me loathe it. Determination stirs in my chest as I reach down to pull the edge of my coat up to her face, rubbing away at the dampened parts with the softer cotton of the cloak to dry it down, the girl thankfully remaining still as I tend to her. The fur on her face seems dried enough as I drop the cloak, adjusting and fixing her untidy scarf and wrapping it around her neck, a small smile pushing itself on my face as I look over her a final time. She doesnt look too scuffed anymore, at least from what I can see, and the delightful little smile on her face speaks more than her words can. I think she's a little better, I hope anyways, I also hope that I don't seem too finicky with fussing over her looks like that, but at least she seems grateful for it. I imagine that she wasn't really tended to much during her time in, well, slavery.
"Hey kid, you don't need to talk about it if you don't want to, I'm not gonna push ya." I reassure the girl as I pat at her head briefly, sighing to myself as I lean back against the wooden wall of the wagon with a hand rubbing at my head, a soft lopsided smile on my face as she mumbles to herself, a hand rubbing up and down her arm. Don't talk if you don't want to kid, I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I forced her to anyways.
"..You're not, you know, angry? Because I called you unscary?" She asks with a quiet hesitant voice, looking up to me with a tilt of her head. I purse my lips together, a confused feeling running over my head.
"Uh, no? Why would I be?" I answer her question with a question of my own, furrowing my brow as I look down to her. Her mouth forms a small 'o' as she shuffles around, an embarrassed and confused look on her face as she continues to rub at her arm, looking down and away from me again.
"B-because, the others liked to be scary, why wouldn't you want to be scary?" It takes a while for her to choke that out, a timid and wavering tone of voice that clings to my mind. Her bottom lip quivers as she whimpers again, shifting around like an uncomfortable and skittish cat on the verge of running off, though she seems to glue herself in place anyways. So that's how she was treated then, huh? Forced to fear her masters into respect? Fucking gross, abhorrant human beings. How the hell should I handle this? She looks like shes on the verge of bursting out in fucking tears again, I'm not exactly cut out for emotionally soothing someone, this shits getting to me too.
I sigh to myself and smile sadly, reaching up to unlatch my cloak, wrapping it around her neck and tying it together. It looks far from a snug fit, it hangs off of her like a loose blanket with her purple scarf stuffed under it, but it's a little bit better on her than me at the moment, warmth is comfort to a kid, right? She at least looks somewhat soothed from it, along with a mixed confusion, though she presses into my hand as I brush at her cheek. I feel like I'm a bit of a creep, but it looks like it's helping her, so I'll take the internal pride hit.
"Ki- Mabel, if I ever start to scare you, I want you to tell me. I don't want to be like the others, I want to be your friend at least, you deserve better than what you've gotten before this. I know you're confused, and probably more than just a little scared, but I'll keep doing this for as long as you need me to. Is all this okay?" I talk in a soft and low tone as I continue to console her, running a hand up to rub behind her ears. She lets out a small sniffle before falling onto my chest, she doesn't speak above another bundle of mumbling, but I can at least feel her nodding. A sad smile's still on my face as I continue to pet the confused fox girl, looking up and out to the exit of the wagon, the shine of moonlight no longer spilling through the split sheets. Perhaps it's close to midnight, then? My sense of time is a little bit out of whack, and we have been talking for a while. I'll talk for a while longer if I need to, I can't wash away possibly years of torment in an instant, I'll console and look after this kid every night if I need to. I know we've had a conversation like this at least once before, but actions speak far louder than words.
I don't keep track of time as I stare into the ceiling, I feel far too energised to actually attempt to sleep at the moment to begin with, though I can feel Mabels breathing slowing and steadying, her body finally falling limp against mine. The kid's finally asleep, thank god, she deserves a good nights sleep at the very least. I look down to her and smile, gently ruffling her head once again as I slowly push her off of me, taking care to be extremely soft with the sleeping girl. I gently rest her head against the wooden floor, the hooded part of the cloak bundled up into a dismal looking pillow to put her head on, it looks good enough for now at least. I give her a final look over before standing upright, slinking to the exit and pulling myself out of the wagon. A shiver runs down my spine as I hit the dirt, the cold of the night wrapping itself around me like a cold blanket. Definitely a stark and unwelcome change from the meager but present warmth of the wagon, and lending my cloak away wouldn't exactly help, but I need to find Edward.
My ears twitch as the crackle of a fire fills the air, peeking past the corner of the wagon and looking over the campsite. The only visible body that I can see is an unarmoured back of a man, the fire before him roaring in its intensity for a moment before dying down once again, I can see his head and hair shuffle as he throws his head back, chugging down something from a leather flask and idling about.
I hesitate for a moment as I step away from the wagon, a feeling of uncertainty and nervousness freezing my limbs. Tsk, come on Zeke, you gotta face the music sometime soon, and he's right there. Bite the bullet and keep moving forward. I sigh and rub at my temples, trying to shake off the numbing feeling as best I can as I push forward, an uncomfortable silence in the air as I walk over the damp grass, the scent of ash in the air.
I silently slink my way over to the guardsman, planting my ass beside him and sitting cross legged as we both stare into the fire, I feel so fucking awkward. Should I speak up first? Should he? Should we speak at all? Edward isn't a very vocal man by any means, if he's not speaking now, then he probably does-
"Here," He suddenly pipes up with a soft tone, side eyeing me as he holds out the flask to me. I raise an eyebrow as the surprise eventually subsides, the man shaking the container from side to side, I can imagine the water in it sloshing about. "I think you might need it, Fuzz."
I pause for a second before shrugging, gently grasping at the flask as he hands it over to me, throwing my head back and taking a gulp. I almost fucking choke on it, but I manage to swallow the liquid down, a gentle but welcome burning sensation filling my senses as it does so, I can feel it rest at the bottom of my stomach as I pull the lid away from my lips. I cover my mouth to stifle the miniature coughing fit as I pass it over to him, a sneaky little grin on his face as he takes it away.
"That, ich, that wasn't water." I reply to him with a half hearted squinting glare, the corners of my mouth twitching upwards as he laughs aloud, taking a chug of the alcohol himself. The little bastard.
"As sharp as always, eh Fuzz?" I can hear the sarcasm dripping off of his tongue as he ribs me, an elbow nudging into my side as I roll my eyes. The alcohol wasn't exactly unwelcoming, just surprising is all. The small talk dies down as we stare into the fire, my hands resting in my laps as I sigh. Shit, how do I even start the conversation? He doesn't seem too emotionally detached from me, maybe I did just overthink his reaction to what I've done, at least somewhat. I purse my lips as I rub at the back of my neck, looking up into the star filled sky, as clear as gorgeous as any other night, not a cloud in the sky.
"That was the first time you had to take a life, wasn't it? At least in your more recent memory." His voice brings me back down to earth, flinching and rubbing at my arm as I mull over myself. I take a glance at him, he doesn't look judgemental, he looks more… sad than anything, sympathetic and pitying.
"Yeah, it's, eh. It's an adventure to process it all, I guess." I say with a shrug, looking away from the man and into the woods. My ears twitch as he chuckles, a mirthless one at that, and I can imagine the sad smile on his face.
"You're gonna feel like shit for a while, but you probably know that. The first is the hardest after all, not that it's meant to be a good thing that it gets easier, ah fuck, you know what I mean" He continues to ramble on, and I can hear him shuffle around beside me. I chuckle myself, a smile on my lips as I look back to him, there's an awkward expression on his face as he rubs at the back of his neck. Hah, he looks so out of place here, but the clumsy way that he's trying to console me is endearing in its own right.
"You suck dick at trying to show your softer side, but I appreciate it a bunch regardless." I give the tense man a wink and a nudge, smiling wider as he scoffs, rolling his eyes as he leans back, digging his palms into the dirt.
"You better, I'm not good with talking about feelings and shit."
"Hey I've noticed, I'm not dense enough to not realise that, but that just makes it all the more special," The small back and forth between us soothes my nerves a little, as does his soft laughter. I almost missed the sound of it.
"...Sorry, I shouldn't have let you go off yourself, I should've figured that something was gonna happen, but I did it anyways." I lean away from the man in surprise as he apologies, his head dipping downwards. I raise an eyebrow as I look over the man, lightly whapping at his arm with a hand. No wonder he's drinking alcohol, he's probably been stewing in guilt too.
"Don't worry about it, Eddy, you know I wouldn't have listened to you anyways. What are you gonna do, chase me in your heavy ass armour?" I try to make light of the conversation with some friendly mocking and a grin, and I can see a small smile on his face at least. Better than nothing, right? My smile dies down as his own does, though, his shoulders slumped over as he sighs, I bite at the inside of my cheek as I hum to myself. I shuffle myself closer to him and drag him into a one armed hug, ignoring his cry of disapproval as I do so.
"Listen, I've spent what felt like the last few hours bouncing around in my skull shitting bricks about how the lot of you, especially you, were gonna hate me because of what I did to them, it'd be a little bit silly if we continued to be guilt ridden idiots because we're worried about the other person. Lets just say that we both did a bit of a fuck up and let bygones be bygones to focus on the future, hows that sound? Seeing you being all down and shit is unnerving as hell by the way." I hastily splurge myself out , giving the man a soft smile as he twists his head to me. It takes a while for him to reply, at least verbally, his head shaking as he smiles.
"Pfah, I'm just glad you're okay, please stop being so reckless at least." He finally says with a sigh, pushing my arm off of him with a faux glare. I smile wide and nudge at him with an elbow, our combined laughter echoing into the night. A smile stains my lips as a comfortable silence fills the air instead, along with the welcoming crackle of the fire. Okay, so that's two out of five down, just so I can sate the worry about everyone else hating me because of it. Lucy probably won't care too much, she'd probably want to poke the corpses like the weirdo she is, but I'm unsure on how the merchants would react. Maybe I'm overthinking it all over again, though, I've already been wrong once, I'm probably wrong again.
Hah, that weird lady was right, thank fucking god. It's strange that Edwards so lax about it though, maybe it's just how this world works? It's a lot more medieval than home, killings and death was probably a little bit more common. Maybe it's just more normal here? Doesn't make it right, at least to me, but it'd make the savagery a bit more understandable. I still feel like garbage about it, but I'll deal with it moving forward. Maybe I could ask him for help if I lose myself again, at least for the remaining time we have together.
"...It was hard for me, too." Edward suddenly pipes up again, humming in response as my ears twitch. Hard for him, what doe- ah, right.
"Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to, of course." I respond to the man in a soft voice, his lips pursing together as he hums in return. He really doesn't have to, I don't want to force him.
"It was a long time ago, and I wasn't exactly… in the best mind when I had to kill that keidran, but I did what I had to do. I wouldn't change anything if I had to do it again." He responds with a hardened yet blank voice, his eyes look like they're on the verge of glazing over as he stares into the fire. My heart pangs as I frown, reaching over to him and encompassing him into a one armed hug again.
"I know how that goes." I tack onto the end of it all, looking into the fire alongside him. There's an odd feeling in my chest, a welcoming worth that weighs on me pleasantly as we sit beside each other in silence. He's clearly not overjoyed with having to do it, despite his loathing for keidran, but he's steadfast in what he had to do. Maybe there's more that he's not willing to share, but I don't want to pry anymore than I have to. I wish that I could've made it less painless for them, but I wouldn't change the outcome of it all. I get how he feels.
I yelp in surprise as he suddenly shoves a hand on my head, ruffling my hair as he uses me as leverage to stand upright, that smug little grin on his face as he looks down to me.
"Seeing as you're awake now, it's your shift for the night, I'm fucking off to bed. See you in the morning, Fuzz." He gives me a lazy wave as he makes his way to a wagon, waving back to him even though he can't see me, rolling my eyes before staring into the sky.
I'm glad that all this went far better than I expected, here I was, worried that I'd be immediately cast out by my friends and shit. I do that a lot, don't I? For someone that overthinks so much, I retain so little actual information. Maybe I should relax some more, less dream shenanigan bullshit, less fighting, just try to have a day where things don't fucking explode into something awful. I let out a happy little sigh as I examine the twinkling stars, the warmth of the fire is welcoming despite the dulling of its flame. It's a nice and silent night, a good time to relax despite my posting, I just pray that this night's less hectic at least.
I suppose now's not the best time to come back from the dive into your shitty memories, then?
God fucking dammit.