21

Bella couldn't explain why in that moment, she wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss Edward Cullen. She'd never kissed a boy before. How could she when just the thought of being close to them had her in the midst of a full blown panic attack. But not him, not Edward. He made her feel . . . just feel anything other than like a freak.

Edward dropped his hands to her shoulders, gently pushing her backward. "Stop."

"Why?" she asked, leaning up again, but he tightened his grip on her shoulders, keeping her just mere inches from him. "Edward."

"Just stop for a minute," he said, his eyes closing before he took a deep breath. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I wanted to."

"But why did you want to?"

Bella pulled herself out of his hands and took a step backward. "Are you mad that I kissed you?"

"No," he said, slowly. "I'm just wondering why you did."

"Because I like you."

"You like me?"

She nodded. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"I don't know." Edward leaned against the wall, shoving his hands into his pocket. "I haven't exactly hidden how I feel about you, and I don't want you to think that just because I feel a certain way, you have to feel a certain way. Does that make sense?"

"No."

"No?"

Bella smiled. "Edward, from the moment I saw you standing inside your office, I haven't been able to get you out of my head. I . . . I googled you, for fuck sake. Who does that to someone they just met?"

Edward just stared at her.

"When I saw you at my show, I felt . . . I felt something I had never felt before, Edward."

"What did you feel?"

"Nervous," she whimpered, and when he reached for her, she put her hands up and took a step back. "If you touch me, I won't be able to be honest."

"Okay," he said, dropping his hands to his side. "I make you nervous?"

She nodded. "Like a giddy, scared school girl because a cute boy looked at me kind of nervous, and honestly, I kind of freaked out, but I couldn't stop thinking about you during my show, or while I was signing autographs. I wanted to know you, to see you again, and even though it scares me, I . . . I don't know, Edward, I find myself needing to be near you."

"I need to be near you, too."

"I don't know if it's because I know we have this past, or if it's something more, something different, but I can't . . . I can't not be close you."

"I can't not be close to you, either."

Bella smiled and stretched her hand out. He looked down at it before threading his fingers in with hers, giving her hand a tug. She bit the inside of her lip as she took a step toward him and then another until the front of her body was pressed against his.

"Edward."

"I want to explore life with you. I do, but I don't want you to do anything, or think you have to do anything with me, just because I've spent my entire life thinking about you. I just . . . I just got you back in my life, Bella, and I can't . . . I can't lose you again."

"I don't want to lose you, either." Bella placed her hand on his chest. "We can take things slow. Like really, really slow. I just . . . I want you, Edward."

"Slow would be good." Edward leaned his forehead against hers. "It was a good kiss."

"I thought so," she laughed.

"We should go downstairs. My mom wants to feed us."

Bella nodded, though she wasn't sure she wanted to deal with any of them right then, but knew if she wanted her life back, she couldn't keep hiding. So, she tightened her grip on Edward's hand as the two made their way from the third floor to the first floor. Emmett and Rosalie were seated on the couch, their bodies facing one another, and as they talked, Bella noticed the way Rosalie's cheeks turned red. She'd known her long enough to know when she liked a boy, and Rosalie Hale liked Emmett Cullen.

Edward cleared his throat as he looked down at Bella, drawing Emmett and Rosalie's attention from each other to them. They scooted away from each other, almost like they had gotten caught with their hands in the cookie jar, so to speak.

"Hey, Bee," Rosalie said, standing up. "Did you a have a nice shower?"

"I did."

"Good, good." She looked back at Emmett before saying. "I should probably go check my emails. You know, lots of final details for your media tour to set up and everything."

"You should probably take Emmett with you," Bella said. "You know, for protection. Not supposed to go anywhere alone, remember?"

"Yeah, I mean, of course," Emmett said, clearing his throat before he shoved his hands into his pockets. "It is a rule."

"It's the only rule," Edward said, almost smirking as he raised his eyebrow. "Safer in pairs."

Bella gave Rosalie a look before she tugged on Edward's hand and led him into the kitchen, where they found Esme seated at the table with three plates in front of her, all three of them filled with some sort of egg casserole.

"Sit, sit," she chirped, gesturing to the chairs across from her as she stood up and pushed two of the plates over. "Coffee? Milk? Juice?"

"Um, coffee," she replied.

"Black?"

"Yes, please," Bella said, sharing a look with Edward as they sat at the table. She picked up one of the forks and poked the casserole. "What's in it?"

"You're not allergic to anything, are you?" Esme asked. "Shit, I didn't even think about that. If you don't want it, I can make you something else. Um, waffles, pancakes? Biscuits and gravy?"

"I'm not allergic to anything," Bella said, smiling as she put her hands up in front of her. "I've just never had an egg casserole before."

"Oh, okay." Esme poured them each a cup of coffee before placing them on the table and hurrying back to her chair. "So, there's a bunch of stuff in it. Eggs, of course, but there's also sausage, bacon, mushrooms, green bell peppers, red bell peppers, orange bell peppers, onions, pepper jack cheese, mild cheddar cheese, and heavy whipping cream to give it a little more buoyancy."

"That is a lot of ingredients." Bella poked it with her fork again. "And you just mixed everything together and put it in the oven?"

"Yes, basically. I mean, I cooked the bacon and sausage first, and sautéed all of the peppers and onions to make them a little softer, but pretty much just throw together and put in the oven," Esme laughed. "I'm going to guess Charlie didn't really cook a lot for you, Bella."

"No, he didn't. He, um, kept a lot of frozen waffles and sugary cereals."

"If you don't like it, Bella, you won't hurt my feelings. I have a box of cereal in the pantry, but it's been in there for a years."

"I'll take my chances with the casserole." Though she was leery, she cut off the corner and scooped it with her fork, popping it into her mouth. She chewed it slowly, surprised by how well all the flavors blended together perfectly. She could feel Esme and Edward watching her, waiting for her to give judgement, and a part of her was enjoying the suspense of it all.

"For Christ Sakes, Bella, do you like it?" Esme asked, smiling as she placed both hands on the table.

"I do," she said with a grin. "It's really good, Esme. Thank you."

"Thank God. Look, this has been Edward's favorite since he was a little boy, and if you didn't like it, well, I would never be able to make it again."

"Why not?" Edward asked, waving a hand in the air.

"Because if she didn't like it, I'm sure you suddenly wouldn't have either." Esme smirked as she stood up and picked up her plate. "I'm just going to let you two eat in private. Help yourselves to more. The others already ate."

"Thanks, Mom," Edward laughed, and waited until she was out of the kitchen before he turned and faced her. "Do you really like it?"

"I do," she promised. "I'm just not used to people cooking for me. Kind of always been leery of what they might do to my food. I know it's silly, but I've always been a little paranoid."

"Me too," he admitted. "But she likes to feed us. Says it's a mom thing, I guess."

"Well, I never grew up with a mom. It was just me and Charlie, and he cooked three things really well: hamburgers, steaks, and hot dogs. Nothing else."

"We ate a lot of hotdogs when we were little, too. Emmett is really picky."

Bella laughed and nodded. "You saw what I saw, right? Between him and Ro?"

"Oh, yeah," he scoffed, picking up his coffee and taking a sip. "Guess we aren't the only ones exploring feelings, are we?"

"Guess not."

Before she could say anything else, the door to the kitchen swung open and Alice and Jasper walked in. While Jasper threw a warning glance in her direction, Alice simply pressed her lips together before they walked over and refilled their coffee cups. Bella turned back to the table, sticking her fork into her casserole.

"I like to add a little salsa to mine," Alice said, and a moment later, she walked over and sat in the chair across from her, sliding the jar of homemade salsa toward Bella. "It's hot, though, so if you don't like spicy food, you probably shouldn't try it."

"Thanks." Bella picked it up and opened the lid, smelling it before placing it on the table. "Better not."

Alice took a sip of her coffee before saying, "I saw you perform in San Francisco."

"You did?" she asked, glancing at Edward, who shrugged his shoulders.

"My cousin had tickets, offered me one. I thought, what the hell, why not go seeing as I'd heard so much about you from Edward," she explained, and when Bella tensed, she added, "It was a good show."

"Back in April?"

Alice nodded.

"It was shitty show," Bella scoffed. "The sound engineers couldn't keep my mic on, they couldn't keep the spotlight on me, the smoke machine broke and almost caught fire, and if I'm not mistaken, a fight broke out in the tenth row after a guy got pissed that another guy accidently grabbed his girlfriend's ass. It was probably the worst show I've ever had."

"Yeah, it was pretty bad," Alice snickered. "But you were great. I mean, you have a really good voice."

"Thanks, I guess." She shifted in her chair. "That was the night I got the first letter."

"Oh." Alice looked at Edward. "I didn't realize. I'm sorry."

"How could you have known?" she asked, scooping another forkful of the casserole onto her fork. "I just thought it was from another obsessive fan. Not the first, won't be the last, I'm sure." Bella dropped her fork onto her plate. "I went back to the hotel that night and found it taped to the door to my hotel room. I was too tired to really give it much thought. I felt frustrated because it felt like the label didn't give a fuck about the music, you know? It's about the smoke and lights, not about the soul in the music. All I wanted to do was take a hot shower and sleep for like a week. After I showered, I climbed into bed and fell asleep almost immediately, but I . . . I woke up with the feeling like someone was on top of me. It had happened before, but I hadn't had an episode like that in a long time. Several months, actually," she murmured, mostly to herself.

"I couldn't move, I couldn't scream, I couldn't . . . I couldn't make it stop. For hours, I laid frozen on that bed, trapped in a hell that I didn't even understand. I heard Ro knock on my door, tell me to hurry, tell me that the bus was going to leave without me, but I . . . I couldn't do anything but cry. Eventually, she got scared when I wouldn't answer, and she talked the hotel manager into opening the door for her, and she found me, talked me through it, and called Charlie. We canceled the rest of the tour and I spent the next month locked inside my house, afraid to go outside again because invisible hands were touching my body. I thought I was going crazy. It's not normal to feel people touching you all the time, but I did. All the time!"

Bella blew out a thick breath as she looked away, wiping her tears off her face. "I'm sorry. You don't want to hear about that."

"Don't apologize, Bella," Jasper said, and when she looked at him, he shrugged his shoulders. "You're allowed to feel how you feel, and you're allowed to talk about it."

"I am?" she asked, her eyes flickering to Alice for a second.

"Of course you are," he said, leaning forward and placing his arms on the table. "It's hard, though, isn't it? Being around us, knowing that we've known about you for a long time, yet you've only known us a few days."

She nodded.

"It's hard for us, too, because we watched Edward go through a lot," he whimpered, shaking his head as he took a deep breath. "Sorry."

"If I'm allowed to feel how I feel, so are you."

Jasper smiled. "Touché, Bella."

"I'm not trying to hurt anyone," Bella whispered. "Especially not him. I'm just . . . I'm just scared. Like all the time, I'm fucking scared, Jasper. I don't talk about my life to people I don't trust. I'm extremely private, but you know things about me that I don't even know, and it scares me."

"We're scared, too, you know. Of losing our brother, of losing you, because while you don't know us, we know you, and you have always been important to our family, Bella." Jasper stood up. "Fear can be a devastating weapon in the hands of people like Marcus Volturi. He wants you to be afraid of him. Don't give him your power without a fight." He looked at Edward before reaching for Alice's arm. "Finish eating, and then meet us in the office."

"We will," Edward said, again waiting until Jasper and Alice were out of the kitchen before he turned toward her. "I'm sorry about them."

"It's okay," she said, pushing her plate away. "Kind of lost my appetite, though."

"Me too," he confessed.

Bella leaned back in her chair, pulling her knees up to her chest. "How do men like that get away with hurting babies, Edward?"

"Nobody fought for us, I guess. Not until Dad and Charlie caught the case of four murder victims found in Washington State."

"Yeah, I guess so." She wiped the moisture off her cheek. "Will you really teach me to fight?"

"I will, if you're sure you want me to."

"I am."

"We have to watch the video of the latest break in first, and then we can start if you still want to."

Bella groaned, but nodded. She and Edward cleaned the kitchen first, disposing of their uneaten breakfast before putting the leftover casserole in the refrigerator. When they walked into the office, they found Emmett and Rosalie sitting on the opposite sides of the couch. Carlisle, Charlie, Esme, and Jasper were standing behind Alice, who was seated in front of the silver laptop. They all looked over at them, their faces filling with sorrow and grief, which didn't help ease Bella's mind about watching said video.

"He told you what you're about to see?" Carlisle asked, gesturing toward Edward.

She nodded. "He did."

Alice slipped out of the chair and motioned for Bella to have a seat, which she did. Edward knelt next to her, and the two shared a look before he reached up and pressed the spacebar starting the video. Her living room appeared on the screen followed by her kitchen and then her bedroom. She leaned back in the chair, bringing her knees up to her chest as she watched the laundry room door open and the person in all black slipping into the kitchen. They had a hoodie on, which hid their face, but their hands were bare as they walked around the kitchen. They opened the fridge and helped themselves to a bottle of water before closing it and carrying it into the living room.

They stopped and looked around, before heading down the hallway and into her bedroom. Again, they stopped and looked around before opening the closet and then turning toward the dresser, opening each and every drawer. In that instant, their calm and peaceful demeanor changed and they ripped open the drawer again, throwing them across the room and against the wall. Their hoodie lifted and she saw the infinity tattoo on the inside of their left hip, but their skin was smooth, firm, almost delicate.

Once they'd torn all the drawers out of her dresser, and threw all of her pictures and knickknacks onto the floor, they hurried into the living room, picking up one of her lamps and throwing it across the room and against the wall. They hurried into the kitchen and pulled out her butcher knife, and hurried into the living room and began slicing the red cushions on the couch apart, sending white stuffing all over the room.

Suddenly, they stopped and looked directly at the camera before they raised their arm and held up two fingers. There was something about their skin that threw Bella off. It wasn't the skin of someone who had been burned from an explosion, or someone who had been in his early twenties when she was just a baby. This person's skin was soft and smooth. And there was something about the way they moved, it was almost in a deliberate manor, with a purpose that she didn't understand.

"How old is Marcus Volturi?" she heard herself asked.

"He would about almost fifty-three years old," Charlie said. "Why?"

"Because either he has the best skin care regimen known to man, or that isn't Marcus Volturi."

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