Chaotic Hangouts
Chapter 6: Mayhem In Jungle Jim's
Date: November 7th, 2022
Telling some BRAINS members about Jungle Jim's was a mistake. It's a good thing there weren't too many crisis level events going on on our radar. Why did I think it was a good idea to talk about it in the BRAINS main chat? I just became a knight 2 nights ago and now, I have to deal with Carlos begging me to go: "Adam! Come on! Can we please go to Jungle Jim's? I want weird snacks!" "I told you that that was a bad idea! First of all, we'd need to blend in with the crowd. I'm not interested in setting off their metal detectors with my armor and having to deal with fascist serving authorities. That and it's a huge place. It's pretty easy to get lost in there if you don't know the store." We go back and forth like this for another 20 minutes until I give in and sigh: "You win. But we're going to have to be careful, okay? Dominic. I see you over there. Can you scan every Earth for Jungle Jim's and Covid-19 infections? I'm about ready to snag some N95 masks from our storage." He nods and types furiously into the computer he's seated in front of. "I hope you have a good disguise, Carlos. Because unless we travel to one with the date of Halloween, there is just no way we're getting away with our current get ups." Dominic finishes scanning: "I don't believe it! Time travel to a Jungle Jim's location would take too much energy. We are simply too far away from the Earth multiverses for that to be feasible from here. But there's more, what a causation to want to take a nap. Ugh. There's not a single universe that we can reach that that has Jungle Jim's that doesn't have Covid spreading out of control too. Unless you count the ones where humanity has destroyed everything, including most of themselves."
Bray walks into the room we're in: the lab: "If Carlos is going to go there, then we mustn't let him go alone. I shall go too, I believe you should as well, Adam and Dominic." I sigh again: "That's a good idea. Though at least one of us should hang out somewhere outside the store in case something goes wrong. With Nazis, Yappa Yappa, Pmurt Nedib, and who knows who else wanting us dead, you never know what trouble we could run into. I would like to bring my sword at least but it'd trigger the metal detectors." Bray replies: "I shall wait outside. I will even watch over any items anyone watches over. It'll be intriguing to witness what kind of chaos might happen." "That solves 2 issues. I'm bringing my sword. Not the one I can't even touch now. I'm far from ready for that one. This feels ridiculous. We're going to be traveling through dimensions in an instant 2 days after I became a knight all because Carlos wants weird snacks. But at least it can't get any more absurd, right? Wait, yes it can. I'm a writer and amateur comedian, I know that very well. Dominic, have you figured out which one in which universe we're going to?" "The one you just went to before falling asleep and waking up here to become a knight." "Dude, I want to cut something in two right now. Are you serious? I know full well how foolish people are in the region that Jungle Jim's in. Selfish, callous, careless, blindly patriotic, all that shit. Is there not a better universe to go to?" "Sadly, it's the best I could find." "Let's just take it. As long as we don't run into my past self or draw too much attention to ourselves, we'll be fine."
"Well I'm glad that's settled. I'm checking the main chat for the collective now. So tiresome. My friends, look at the replies. The Mane 6, mostly Rarity plus Spike want to come too." We look and are left speechless. I facepalm: "Of course they do. This would be kind of embarrassing if the other knights saw me right now. We're on the brink of war and Carlos wants snacks and Rarity wants to see Earth fashion there. Great, now I'm kinda talking like Memock and Zenblock. Feeling this way this strongly is so not me. Can you tell them to meet us here in our base? I'd reply myself but you're already on that chat page." "Sending that now." Seconds later, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Spike all show up right in front of us. Immediately, Pinkie gets excited and curious about the various gadgets in the lab. Dominic reacts and quickly stands up: "No no no! Don't touch anything! These prototypes are dangerous! Now I'm not like myself either! Careful, some of those bottles are fragile! One of them still has the frozen remains of that Nomu that was destroyed! We're still studying it! If it gets out, this place will be destroyed! Don't make me use force to stop you, Pinkie Pie! I just want relaxation and/or a nice nap! I didn't get enough sleep last night!" Just then, a blur of bright red enters the room: "Blaze! Slow down! You're going to break everything with that speed!" Dominic nods at me for the save: "Decrease your acceleration gradually before telling us why you're in here."
Blaze does so and I pet them as thanks: "You weren't supposed to be in this chapter, Blaze!" "Did you just break the 4th wall?" "Dominic, I don't even know anymore. It's too complicated, my head is getting a headache just thinking about it. Let's all calm down. Someone, please distract Pinkie Pie with something before she accidentally kills us all." We take deep breaths and Blaze speaks calmly though with some calmed excited wolf panting: "I want to go too. I think it would be a lot of fun!" Dominic looks like he wants to pass out on a couch: "We don't need any more chaotic good beings coming on this trip. Please don't come." I add: "Herbsalvin might be lonely without me around. We just became friends 2 days ago. Why don't you hang out and get to know them instead?" Blaze nods and walks out of the lab before becoming a blur of fur again seconds later. I say: "Good, we got Blaze to not come too. We are one and interconnected but they literally have the energy I don't often let out much more often than I do. Pinkie Pie, I'm sure Dominic can show you some gadgets later. Right now, we are going to Jungle Jim's. Let's worry about explaining all of you away when we get there. I hope you don't have to mess with minds with your magic to get it to work out, Bray." With that, we are almost off to Jungle Jim's. Some of us get changed first though. I reluctantly take off my armor before taking off my pajamas too. After that, I put on my old rock/metal outfit that I used to wear all the time. There we go, I should be fine now. I meet back up with the others. Bray opts for wearing festive robes and hides her staff in them. Lucky, her staff isn't made of metal. Dominic keeps his outfit on except for putting on a Minecraft t-shirt underneath his lab coat. Carlos puts on some long silk leggings and a Christmas sweater on. All of us also now wear boots of some kind.
Without further ado, we teleport to Jungle Jim's or more specifically, by it and right outside CiCi's Pizza. I pass out facial masks to everyone and we all put them on. I already gave my sword to Bray for safe keeping. She heads to the grassy field behind the parking lot: "If you have any problems, get me. I shall help as best as I can. Until then or you return unharmed, farewell." We all nod. Dominic speaks: "We should use that trick you've used before, Adam. Twilight, you and your friends must get between the 3 of us." That's done so I'm in the lead with Dominic while Carlos is behind everyone else. He almost runs for the CiCi's smelling the delicious aroma of their pizza but I spot him: "Carlos, we're shopping first. We'll eat there later. I'm sorry but we just had breakfast 2 hours ago. Are you even hungry? When it comes to food you like, you and I are very similar. You just want the pizza, don't you? You aren't hungry, you just want the food." He nods and resists his cravings for me. I then think to myself about what we're going to do here. We turn away from CiCi's, pass Petland, and walk a bit more until I stop and grab a cart for us. Dominic also grabs a cart. So far, no one has paid attention to us. They're too busy on their phones and pretending Covid is no longer a problem to notice. After some fumbling around, we walk single file inside Jungle Jim's. The expressions on everyone's faces are priceless. This is a more boring part of the store but it's still interesting. For now, we stick together: "My friends, welcome to Jungle Jim's, it's like the theme park and Findlay Market of supermarkets. Let's stay together for now. We'll get to every part of the store, I promise. I'm not telling what all is in here. You'll find out. Just stick with me for now."
The others nod but Carlos looks bored: "Hey, where's the cool stuff? It's so lame here! I want candy and weird snacks, not this!" "We're getting it to. Does anyone need to use the restroom." Only Dominic indicates he does: "I have to go. I should have before we came here." "It's a good thing our friend outside has tricked onlookers and cameras into thinking we actually got here by car. Follow me everyone, I want you to be amused about their porta potties." Applejack exclaims: "What in tarnation? This place has porta potties? That just ain't right, y'all." "Oh you'll see. It'll be hilarious. I feel like my mom when she said something similar the first time she took my brother and I here. Don't mind the other people, as long as we keep these masks on, we should be fine. It isn't as packed as it was yesterday when my brother and I went here together." It doesn't take long to reach the porta potties, the others are kinda transfixed on everything around us. Dominic comments: "There is a lot of alcohol here. That makes me want to take a nap, the addictiveness of that is such a bother." Carlos calls me out on my tease: "Adam, why are you sounding so sneaky about the porta potties? Do they really stink that much? And I thought I stunk a lot!" "Ha, I got you to stop thinking about why you wanted to be here. Bazinga!" "Why are you saying Bazinga? I'm less tired thanks to you now." "I mean, we're not on a mission of life or death or anything so it's time to let loose. I never get to act this way because I'm too focused on getting stronger, planning, eating, sleeping, or not dying." We have reached the porta potties. Carlos looks disappointed: "They look so new and not stinky!"
"The possible amount of stink in them at any time is far greater than you realize. Go ahead Dominic, open it." He opens the door to one of them after letting go of his cart. His jaw drops open as do the jaws of the others. How I noticed that is beyond me. We're all wearing masks after all. Dominic recovers first and enters not a porta potty but a full sized restroom that is mostly well cleaned and maintained. Building the suspense was so worth it. Haha. Rarity speaks first: "Darling, I thought you were leading us to a disgusting unfashionable and filthy porta potty to play a joke on us! My goodness, this is so strange! But at the same time, this inspires my next design! I'll call it False Porta Potty Chic!" Rainbow Dash replies: "Are you serious? You want to design a dress based on a porta potty trick? Who are you and what have you done with Rarity?" I defend her: "As an artist, graphic designer, and writer who understands the subjectiveness of all forms of creative outlets, I can say this. I may only be academically qualified to speak about digital arts but still. She can design whatever the hell she wants, if it looks good to her, that's what matters. Calm down, can't you take a joke elevated to creative heights? I sure can." Just then, a trio of little girls are shrieking excitedly at seeing the ponies plus Spike as they run in our direction with a frantic mother chasing after them. "Mom! Mom! It's Rainbow Dash!" "Mom! Mom! It's Applejack!" "Mom! Mom! It's Fluttershy!" The mother yells: "Slow down, girls! Come back here to mommy! We're here to shop, not have fun. I have to get some snacks for your birthday party tonight." I give Carlos a stare to not talk, he would most certainly adamantly argue with the mother over them being actually real.
The girls start yanking and pulling on the ponies. Out of politeness, they take it: "Girls! Girls! I told you to come back to mommy! Stop pulling them! We can't be late for the lunch before the party!" She catches up with them: "I'm so sorry. Ever since they watched reruns of My Little Pony, they have been so excited about their party. These ponies and dragon look so real." Dominic comes out of the bathroom but sees my face and keeps quiet: "I'm glad you think so. Haha, it's okay. They're kids, you know? It sounds like they're triplets of terror. That must be fun to deal with. My friends are inside the costumes. We're going to a convention up in Canada and we thought we might as well stop here on the way. I made these costumes myself. I'm an artist, writer, and graphic designer. I have experience working with paint, clay, Photoshop, Pixlr, plaster, and much more. It took me a long time to make them and this guy right here wanted some treats from here so we're here. My friends really wanted to show off the costumes for me." "Thank you for understanding. These 3 always get into trouble when we go out." "Oh don't worry, I've seen this happen a lot. In fact, I was a bit of a brat when I was a kid to be honest, haha. A shy brat, so ironic. I've interacted with a lot of kids, largely because of my extended family but also because my friends and I travel a lot." I bend down to the girls and manage to get their attention due to my aura. They stop pulling the ponies at long last and stare at me curiously: "Hey there girls, can you please stop hurting the ponies. They have other things to do like save Equestria again from someone even scarier than Cozy Glow, Chrysalis, and Tirek working together. Why don't you go back to your mother? And don't worry, I see your curiosity. We won't hurt you. You're safe."
Just like that, I convince the girls to return to their mother. The 4 walk away together after the mother thanks me. Dominic is impressed: "You took advantage of the aura you gave off to calm the girls down? That was impressive. The others will love to hear about this later. I was not expecting a full sized bathroom behind a porta potty door. You got me good. What a causation to want a nap." "Technically, Jungle Jim's got you, not me. We would have had to come here eventually to use the bathroom. We should hit up all the cool things first to get y'all a feel for the store before we split into 2 groups and start shopping for real. The next stop is the original Jungle Jim's building and happy corn man statue." I lead the others there, intentionally going a route that avoids The Big Cheese and Campbell soul can & friends. They hear the soup can talk but I keep them focused on learning the store and anticipating what's next. We all talk and crack some jokes along the way. Then, we stop to see the hovering over us remains of the original Jungle Jim's: "Here it is! We are at the original store. This roof here was the old original store. As you can see, it has immensely expanded and grown big from here. Fascinating, isn't it? And over there is smiling corn man. He's kind of cursed." Carlos goes up to him: "I love him! Can we take him home?" "No, Carlos, we have to leave smiling corn man here. Come on, The Big Cheese and Campbell Soup are just up ahead." We end up right below the swing the soup can is talking with friends on. They're huge animatronics. All of us fall silent to enjoy their dialogue. I've never stopped to hear the full dialogue before.
It's really funny. I burst out laughing. Twilight reacts: "How is that funny? I don't understand. It's just a bunch of talking robots." Carlos widens his eyes: "Not funny? What do you mean? This is the greatest thing I have seen since the fight with Yappa Yappa! It's just a bunch of talking robots? That's not the point! It's ridiculous and hilarious! Adam, when can we get candy?" "Carlos, be patient. Don't you want to see just how weird this store is or not?" He accepts logical defeat. Dominic speed walks excited and carefully to The Big Cheese, a big display of cheese being curdled from milk. It's huge and has "The Big Cheese" in big yellow and white letters towards the top: "I'm sorry but my exhaustion is gone! This is so fascinating, wow they must do a lot to keep this thing well maintained! So much cheese is being made! I'm getting some cheese. There is cheese stuff for sale surrounding this amazing contraption! That inspires my next invention! Just you wait! Well, if I don't forget it like with the past 32 invention ideas I scrapped by forgetting about them." "I'll remind you. Are you sure you want some cheese? I'm not sure how well the cows the milk comes from are treated. I don't think you should get any. We have plenty of ways to get cheese back home. We do make our own cheese sometimes, after all." "*sigh* You're right. At least I analyzed the appearance of the different cheese products and memorized it all already. We'll have cheese like it to put on 3-ways and pizza in no time. What a causation to want a nap. I won't fall for this again. But Carlos might fall for unethically made chocolate. We can't let that happen." "I'll take care of it, don't worry." We move on after that and I lead everyone to the.. candy section. That was a mistake. This is part of why coming was a mistake. Chaos immediately began.
Well, after I dissed the Elvis Bear with a guitar animatronic by saying right as we entered the candy section and before Pinkie Pie or Carlos could process all the candy they were seeing or the bakery right next to it all: "Over there is another animatronic. They're a bear who comes on every 5 minutes to play Elvis stuff. But fuck Elvis. We ain't watching that bear play before any of you ask. Elvis, just like Jim Crow was used to take more and more from black people. He ain't the King Of Rock N Roll. He didn't invent it, he popularized it for white racist assholes who deserve to be metaphorically shit on. Many of his famous songs were performed by other people first and most people don't even know that. Personally, I think he was kinda lame. And I went to a boring ass church festival a while back where they had an Elvis impersonator play songs about bullcrap like heteronormative love songs and patriotism. Fuck it all." Once I finish talking, Carlos and Pinkie scream excitedly. Before any of us can do anything, they start running around the candy section, snagging as many packaged candies as possible, even stuffing their pockets full of them: "Damn it you two! Put them in the cart, will you?! Also, if any of those say Hershey's, Nestle, or Mars, put them the fuck back. Those bastards use child labor to harvest the cocoa beans in their chocolate and that's UNACCEPTABLE!" Carlos protests: "It's candy! Candy can never be wrong. Candy is always good! I want candy! You can't take them away from me, hehe!" He runs off. I chase after him. Pinkie Pie does the same so now, most of us are chasing them except Dominic who stays by the carts and calls Bray. Pandemonium has begun. Someone must have a sense of humor because the in store music changes from standard and calm store music to whacky 60s cartoon chase music. The same kind in old Scooby Doo cartoons.
Now, store security and the coppers are chasing after us. Damn it. Not now. Not now! It's always the candy that causes trouble, ALWAYS THE CANDY! Even though I could run for hours, I stop and gesture the others to stop too. Carlos and Pinkie Pie will stop once they get lost in the store. We are right around the hot sauce section of the international part of the store when we stop. And load and behold, there's a sale price sign with a elderly white haired glasses wearing white man in a wizard outfit on it with the words: "Price magic" written on it. But there's no time for me to utter: "Magic man" or even, "I found Lars again" because the brand name on the sale sign is Lars. I didn't know Lars sold hot sauce too. Or maybe it's a misprint. Doesn't matter because most of the coppers and security guards reach us. The oldest of them says: "I'm going to have to ask all of you to leave. Unless you want to be arrested along with those friends of yours you were chasing for attempting to steal candy." I reply: "My apologies, they aren't stealing candy. They're just really excited about the candy. They aren't leaving this store without us so are they really stealing candy?" One of the security guards remarks: "All of you have been rather suspicious since you entered this store. How can we know that your friend in a costume isn't using it to steal the candy?" "We're all here and know that they wouldn't. There's plenty of candy back at home. We just came here for candy and whatever else we wanted. We're on the way to a convention in Canada. I made these costumes."
The other person who talked is a copper: "Why should we believe you? All of you look like criminals. That's it, after your friends reveal their real faces, you're all coming with us." "You don't want to see their faces. Trust me, part of the reason they wear my costumes is to be themselves without getting judged for their looks. We'll comply because we're not in the mood for trouble but I'm warning you. We just came here to shop. Our friends love sweets, like love sweets to the point we've told them to chill a lot lately. I'm the only one who has shopped here before. Everyone else has never been here." Dominic and Bray come to us with the carts: "Are you two with these people?" They nod: "Then you're coming with us too." "What a causation to want a nap." "Quiet or else!" We all have tense looks on our faces as we're surrounded with tasers pointed at us. The fascist servants came fast, almost too quickly. The oldest copper tries to rip off the skin and fur off Spike and the ponies in an attempt to reveal who they truly are when they are who they truly are already. The guy is tough and blood starts spilling on the floor. Bray gets out of the encirclement and yells: "I shall keep the children away from here! We can't let any get traumatized!" One of the coppers chases her and catches her by surprise, tasing her and knocking her to the ground. But it gets worse. The metaphorical friction in the air increases. The copper who managed to subdue her notices something different about her: "So you're one of those men who pretends to be women. Sir, we have a code trans freak." The main one replies: "Copy that." Bray is then beat by the copper. As we're all about to get pushed down and handcuffed, I punch the oldest copper in the nuts: "Don't you realize what's going on yet? There are other universes. You leave us no choice. Quantum Leap, send my sword to me!" The band complies and now, my sword is in my hand: "I hate you so much. I really do. Now feel a little bit of the pain the system you serve inflicts! You will know true suffering and pain and back off from trans people now! You will pay!"
I effortlessly take down all the coppers and security guards and hold my sword up against the copper who took down Bray before she could react: "Stand down, you fascist serving fool. Or I will make sure everything hurts for you. I mean it. We just wanted to go shopping but y'all have gone too far. Our cover is blown. We'll be leaving once we find our friends. Back away or else fear will be the least of your worries. Dominic, did you hack the security system and copper cars within a quarter mile radius?" "Yes, I did. It was easy. I'm ready to leave. I want a nap." I withdraw my sword and go with the others to find our friends. I glare at the coppers as they remain on the ground. The store has been evacuated of people. We can't go anywhere publicly in my world without being identified the way we look now. Our trip to Jungle Jim's was a bust. Carlos and Pinkie were easy to find, they returned to the candy section. We convinced them to put all of the candy back and walked calmly out of the store, putting the carts where they belong as we do so. A copper barricade gets in our way but Bray blasts the coppers all away gently. She teleports all of us and our stuff to a secluded forest: "We shouldn't have to beat up anyone now. That was disappointing. I shall remember this as a failure." "Was it really, though? We taught coppers a lesson of pain. I think that's worth something. In any case, I'd like to get Carlos some candy after all now. He returned with Pinkie to the candy section on their own. A logical decision. It deserves a reward considering how these two are. We need to try a different approach." Rarity replies: "Nothing a little makeup can't do. I have a brilliant plan! But was it really necessary to beat those men up?" "Please just tell your plan. It was needed. Those bastards serve a genocidal class of rich white Nazis. We've made them pay. They won't bother us again for now." "What if we all go for disguises that change our looks? I have more than enough makeup for it!"
We all agree to that and are soon disguised as a bunch of human cosplaying nerds thanks to magic and makeup. We even wear black masks instead of white masks to complete the look. 15 minutes later, we're in Jungle Jim's again but no one is paying much mind to us: "Good, it's working. Great idea, friend. Bray decided to stay outside again. It looks like things are back to normal here. People are acting like nothing bad has or will ever happen here. Let's split up now. We should all know enough of the store to do so." Myself, Carlos, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Twilight go one way while the others go a different way. I lead us back to the candy section: "Don't crazy get with candy, you two. We need to pick carefully. Choose between what looks best to you. I only brought so much money with us. I'd like to show you the nerd section next before we go to the Japanese aisle in the international section." So far, nothing too chaotic has happened this time. This is good, the coppers must be out on a manhunt looking for us. Too bad they won't find us because we're disguised and our phones cannot be tracked by ordinary modern means. Actually, too good. That's what they get. I remark: "When I was last here with my brother, we decided not to look through the candy here. We have so much at home, even some in the damn fridge of all places. I don't want anything for myself. I literally have Biscoff cookies again to eat. I'm good now." "What the hay are Biscoff cookies?" "You'll see later. No, no tricks this time." Everything goes fine for a while. Somehow, it's all calm. Too calm if you ask me. Pinkie and Carlos are stunned at all the sodas they have and get more excited when we reached the Japanese section. I don't know how they managed to contain themselves but they did. That's what matters right now. I never want to enter a modern place during a interdimensional trip ever again. Not after earlier. But then, we find Rarity all by herself laughing maniacally: "Nothing in this store is my taste! Where is the fashion here? I don't see it, do you?"
She looks ready to take a shirt from the rack in the back of the international section by the boarded up for some reason international themed little shops inside Jungle Jim's. But not just take it, take them all. Before any of us could stop her, she does that: "These clothes are so atrocious!" The others catch up to us and Fluttershy is now similarly crazed: "I must free all the animals! They shouldn't be for sale! Save the lobsters, the fish, SAVE THEM ALL!" Dominic is easily restraining her and speechless but yawning loudly. I'm so glad we never cooperated with the coppers. We would have been trapped here in this city we're in for weeks if not months or years because well, shit stirred up again. Rarity and Fluttershy suddenly ran off away from us. We split up again to chase them but they were far too fast for us. Someone still has a sense of humor, the same music from before starts playing again. And just like before, security guards and coppers are chasing after us. How did they get here so fast after I beat them all up? Well, no point in questioning it. Then, Rainbow Dash comes to a stop to watch the animatronics over the British part of the international section: "Rainbow Dash! I know how this reminds you of Daring Doo but we have to go, now!" "Oh come on, they're just about to start talking!" Myself and the others are forced to drag her away while running at a slower speed as the coppers and security guards close in on us. Dominic calls Bray again and she arrives to see us running while dragging Rainbow Dash along with us. The others meet back up with us too and we somehow managed to stop Rarity from stealing all the clothes and Fluttershy from releasing ALL of the animals: the lobsters, fish, crabs, you name it. Those creatures are in tanks so they would have died if it weren't for us getting her.
We're all beat. Bray sends the clothes back where they belong and get us out of there without caring. Twilight sighs: "Let me do the plans this time. Now that we rule Equestria together as friends, we don't have many days like this to have fun." "Before you do, would you consider abolishing the kingdom of Equestria for a more communal way of structure? It doesn't matter if you do or not if it is true there is no one being exploited or oppressed or killed under your reign." "We're thinking about it. Anyway, here's what we should do. Spike, can you help me with this?" "Sure, leave it to me!" 20 minutes later, we enter CiCi's and not Jungle Jim's. There's no candy, clothing, or sea life here. We should be free of chaos this time. And we're all dressed in outfits that suit our professions/hobbies. For example, I'm dressed up as a painter with a white shirt covered in paint with a convincing black wig and glasses on. I don't feel like describing how the others are dressed. We enter together and an employee at one of the cash registers greets us: "Hello, welcome to CiCi's. How may I serve you?" I reply: "Hi there, could I get 11 All You Can Eat Buffets and 11 regular sized drinks." They tell me the total and say: "Cash or card?" I reply: "Cash. You can keep the change." and hand them more than enough: "Thank you. *hands me a receipt* Have a nice day." I distribute the cups to everyone. Seeing Carlos smile widely at the buffet made me realize we just made another huge mistake: "We should have just gone to Twisted Land today. Oh well I guess. Bathrooms are beyond the buffet. Let's try not to destroy them." I'm so glad there's no one else eating here right now. It was pretty packed when I was here last. That was annoying.
At first, everything was chill. We all got some food, filled up our cups, and sat down at some tables to eat our first round of food. But things got out of control very quickly. Dominic asks me: "Hey, where did you get all that money anyway?" I finish taking a bite out of a slice of cheese pizza: "Blood. I took it from Gofast after killing him. Bastard was secretly filthy rich. Glad he's gone now though." He accepts that and then, just as I finish eating my first slice, Carlos is already on seconds: "CARLOS! Slow down! If you don't, you're going to destroy a toilet within the next 20 minutes! Look, I know you love the food here as much as I do but after coming here multiple times, I finally learned my lesson. Every time I went here besides the last time, I ate too much too fast for my own good. As a result, the 2nd to last time I ate here, I was so out of it and my bowels were screaming. It's not worth it, chew every bit and drink something every couple of minutes. Please, I love going ham on food but that has caused me lots of pain here at CiCi's and at Fazoil's too." He doesn't listen. Others try to talk him and also Pinkie out of it but those two are unstoppable eating machines now. They have reached the point of no more reasoning when it comes to food. In their minds, they're a balance of chill and excitement, not once thinking about eating more safely anymore. This is really bad. But wait, it gets even worse. Their eating gets to me as they start chanting: "Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!" whenever they aren't eating or drinking anything. The staff at CiCi's must have seen some shit but nothing like this, I bet. I can see it in their expressions. They are bewildered but keep making food for us because they don't want to get fired or disciplined.
I stop caring about my own personal bowel comfort. Fuck a happy butt, my brain is like. Instead, I become a eating machine too though less so. I forgot that my cup of water exists for a while and just keep eating while also occasionally competing with Carlos over the cheese pizza slices. Hell, I even actually try the pepperoni pizza from CiCi's which I have never had before in my life. I prefer the cheese pizza. And the buttery garlic bread. Eventually, even Bray and Dominic who normally eat in a very reserved and controlled way start eating a lot of food quite fast. The employees are shell shocked: "Hold on everyone, we have to cook more food for you! Eat some brownies and our new unique kind of cinnamon rolls in the meantime!" You think competitive eaters eat like mad? Just wait till you see us demolish the CiCi's buffet. After the brownies and cinnamon rolls are gone, several fresh pizzas are taken out of the oven. Meanwhile, we stare at them like a bunch of starving wolves with mouths watering. In seconds, the pizzas are all on our plates and being eaten on the way back to our tables. To make it even worse, Carlos yells: "Aaaaaaa! I can't eat anymore but at the same time, I can't stop eating! More pizza! More! More! More! Give me more!" I calmly but quickly eat the slices I got until I heard that just before the thief lets out the biggest and stinkiest fart I have ever smelled come out of his butthole. He then starts holding his sides and speed walks to the bathroom. A boom sound is heard from the direction of the restrooms. I put down the slice of pizza I'm eating and go investigate. When I enter the bathroom, I am greeted by a smell that might as well be death. There's even green gas coming from the one bathroom stall in there. I gag but manage to somehow not lose my appetite. "Carlos, are you okay?" "Aaaaaa! My butt is on fire! It's so warm!"
Then my sides start hurting: "Hurry up in there! I gotta go too now! Oh shit, no no! I don't even have time to foolishly crap into the urinal! Ow! I can't hold it anymore!" The others hear another boom sound come from the bathroom. I hear it really loudly because it came from my buttocks. This was a mistake. A huge crappy mistake. Holy shit. I've pooped myself. This is embarrassing. Dominic rushes into the bathroom: "Adam! Carlos! Are you okay?" We reply: "No!" "What a causation to panic and then want a nap. Ugh, I'm used to this kind of stink but it's still horrible. I have to go too but it won't escalate for a few more minutes. Adam, did you poop yourself?" "Yes.. I knew I should have stuck with my tactic from last time." "We can't change the past. I think you should just leave the building and slap down a lot of money for the employees. I'm going to make sure the toilets aren't destroyed when we leave here. Head on home, Adam. Please. We'll catch up with you later." I nod and head out of the bathroom and walk as fast as I can to the cash register to put down a big stack of cash before walking out: "I'm so sorry for all of this. I gotta go." The employees watch me leave in stunned silence. This turned out to be a really shitty trip to Jungle Jim's and CiCi's. MISTAKES HAVE BEEN MADE. At least Carlos hasn't found out about 333 ways to get kicked out of Walmart. Things would have spiraled into much further chaos if he had. Once I'm outside the restaurant, I find one of Dominic's Revolutionary Intellectual monster comrades guarding our stuff on the grassy field. I take my sword back and teleport back to the base. I take off my disguise just as Blaze runs over to me: "You stink! My nose is going crazy! Don't you know how sensitive my nose is?"
"Jungle Jim's was a disaster not once but twice. Carlos and Pinkie psychologically messed with me by eating a lot so naturally, I ate a lot really fast too. At least CARLOS made it to a toilet. I meanwhile crapped myself. Is there anymore clean super stretchy underwear in my size anywhere?" "No. I happened to check because Herbsalvin and I got bored. And I never get bored! Awoo!" "Damn it. Then I'm going to have to wear something else. It's going to be embarrassing but what choice do I have? I'll see you later when I put it on after I wipe myself and salvage my sense of honor that is temporarily screwed up now." The rest of the day, myself and the others who went on that trip went to our homes and isolated ourselves for a while. At least I didn't stink anymore. And Dominic asked me to put my soiled underwear in a jar because he wanted to study it to see if he could find out anything new or weird. I accepted.
Outro: Well, well, well. I bet you weren't expecting any of this! The idea of this story chapter is really new so I had no plans to do it until very recently. I hope this made you laugh or react in some other strong way. It goes to show what kind of mayhem 3 little girls, pizza buffets, Carlos, and Pinkie Pie can stir up. When you eat a lot, take care of yourself so you don't crap a lot. Trust me, as satisfying as it is to have bowel movements and eat a lot, the pain ain't that worth it. That is all this time. See ya around.