Chaotic Hangouts
Chapter 13: The Genital Inspector
Date: May 1st, 2023
A lot has happened since Bray's murder at the hands of Pmurt Nedib and the number card chaos in the Land of Ooo. We've been forced to burn through so many Steamed Crab Nippers, Senzu beans, HP bananas, MP candies, enchanted golden apples, potions of strength, Yggsdrasil berries, and other recovery items as the war in Miitopia has only gotten more intense by the battle. We've lost a lot of comrades and are having a hard time bringing them back. It's gotten so bad that we literally have had to ask some comrades to perform checks on peoples' gear and stuff. What we didn't know was that only one would end up doing so and that they had a odd nefarious plan in the works behind the scenes. The same kind of odd that is found in transphobic rhetoric on many versions of Planet Earth. Okay, I knew they were planning something due to being a writer but I could never find the right opportunity to confront them. We've been fighting so much after all. But then today happened. Last night, we finished another long battle that went on for days. There's been a brief pause in hostilities because we kind of killed or captured the majority of the Nazis we fought against, making their manpower scarcity worse. And we've destroyed so many androids that they're having trouble getting enough material to create new ones by using innocent people.. Yes, they turn innocent people into androids still. It's not good. We also captured a few ports and destroyed several factories and naval battleships and aircraft carriers largely manufactured by the UMC using cheap labor. Of course the UMC has really started manufacturing things. Pmurt Nedib is really bad at winning at anything. The brief pause in hostilities probably won't last long so the plan is to go all throughout Miitopia today fully geared, looking for any hidden enemies or intercepting an incoming swarm of freshly dispatched Nazi troops. We'll also attack locations where some comrades are being held to be questioned and executed.
Because the hostilities have temporarily ceased, I almost end up actually taking my time a bit to enjoy breakfast. However, I stop myself from doing so and eat 4 of the pancakes Fluffy made for anyone who wanted them today. So good. I ate them as fast as possible while still enjoying them. And my drink was some fruit punch made from squeezing grapes, oranges, cherries, strawberries, and some other fruits into a big container where they were mixed together with some cane sugar. No carbonation though. I pretty much was the only one doing the squeezing. I nearly crushed all the fruit while doing so. Strength has become as important to me as intellect is. Plain obvious after everything. That's why I volunteered to squeeze the fruit. The base got a greenhouse a while back so it's been used to cultivate fresh produce through ethical means. After breakfast, it was time for everyone to get individually checked by the person I mentioned with a nefarious plan in the works. He does things so quickly that he can check everyone in the entire Miitopian Peoples' Liberation Front in an hour or so. 15-30 if things are really bad war wise. Like really really bad I mean. His cognitive abilities are something else as is the sharp eyesight required to pull that off. For the majority of the time he was checking everyone and their gear out, nothing happened. I know this because there was silence throughout the base as I picked out a book to read in our library from a standing pedestal as I also stretched my arms, rolled my right arm, massaged my back, and carefully swung with my sword. I rarely get time to warm up so I might as well do so now, right? The book I read is called The Adventures Of Ooo and Aaa, author unknown. Funny, I wrote down a Chaotic Hangouts chapter idea called The Ooo and Aaa Show. Anyway, we have a virtual queue set up that informs us when it's our turn to go be examined by you know who. No one even knows his name. He hasn't bothered sharing and we haven't been able to ask him due to the war.
After about 55 minutes, Im informed it's my turn to see him. I put away the book and slide my sword back into its scabbard. As I walk towards where he's at: the laboratory, I see Pirate Blaster trying to keep Thrashbeak from attempting murder or something. "Thrashbeak! Arrr! We don't have solid proof that he's secretly a d bag! He just looked at my crouch with a strange expression!" "Squawk! That dude is sus! Sus! Squawk!" "Pirate Blaster, how much Earth internet lingo did you accidentally feed him? That being said, that is very sus of you know who to do." "Adam! I think Thrashbeak'll feel better if you investigate while that guy checks you out! Don't worry! Just promise that you will and I think Thrashbeak will just angrily glare in the direction of the laboratory until you come back." "In that case, I promise you both that I will investigate why the hell he looked at your crouch with a strange expression. Actually, I'm pretty sure I know why already. His identity is The Genital Inspector." "Are you serious?! Arrr! That blaster landlubbing numbskull! He's really called that?! Are you going to behead him?" "I could be wrong. After all, my story ideas in my other body don't always line up with what actually happens in this second life of mine. And no, I won't behead him. If he's who I suspect, we need to make a lesson out of him. Killing him would be easy but we need to make it more clear that those who secretly embody fascist bullcrap will not be tolerated and be taken care of as soon as we find them out. We can't afford to have fascist spies or traitors to deal with. I'm going to go now. See you soon, comrades." I walk off and enter the laboratory where it's just that guy waiting for me. "Welcome Adam. Like always, stand right on that x and I will begin your examination. It will only last a few seconds as usual." "Good. We can't slack off for even a day. We gotta nail fascism far beneath the dirt." "Yes. Yes. You say that every time." I step onto the x taped to the floor. He walks to me and starts looking at me top the bottom up close after looking at the basic info sheet about me written on paper again. He does that every time to remind himself of anything he's forgotten from it.
But this time, things are a little different. Normally, he would only look at it in a split second and come over much faster. That's when I sense a strange Ki. And it turns out that my Artist's Eye has activated on its own. "What is going on? Normally, we'd be long done by now." "That's right, I forgot to tell you. We have entered a special dimension where minutes pass here as seconds pass outside. I figured it was about time I start more precise examinations. Don't worry, you will forget about this and only remember that I looked at you from top to bottom in 3 seconds. But until then, I'm going to begin a mental health evaluation before I continue looking at your body. I will start it with a simple question. Are you aware that you have the Woke Mind Virus?" "Excuse me? Why would you say that? That's literally not a thing. It's a dog whistle used by the right in my world!" "Well, things are a little different here. We're getting evidence that it's real in this world." "I don't believe you. Where's the proof?" "I don't have any proof on me. It's all speculation plus some brain scans. Did you know that that's not the only mental illness you have? There's this other one. What's it called? You need therapy for sure for it. It's symptoms involve identifying as something that you weren't born as." "Don't tell me that I was right about you." "Right about me? What do you mean by that? The hobby you waste so much time on, recounting adventures in this world and beyond for no reason allowing you to know my real identity? Don't answer that because you're mentally ill! Now I remember what it's called! Transgenderism!" "You piece of crap! You're called The Genital Inspector!" "That's right. Now if you'll give me a minute, I'll need to look at yours to verify my diagnosis of Transgenderism." "You creep! No! I won't let you! You don't need to look at them you fool. You've fallen for fascist lies. You aren't really with us!" "No, I am with you, I just think you people need to stop pretending to be what you aren't and that the war must end. Maybe then the Nazis as you call them will consider a peace treaty to end this war. You need to calm down. Emotional derangement like yours right now is disgusting!"
I pull out my sword and get ready to stop him. But he manipulates the dimension, knocking my sword right out of my hand. "You won't stop me from performing my sacred duty, protecting society and children from the likes of who who pretend to not be men!" "Your mask is slipping. So now you're finally showing your true colors. Damn you! I'm not going to be nice to you. If hell is connected to this universe, you can go piss off and die before suffering in it! That's right. I said it! Piss off and die! Keep your grubby hands away from me and everyone else. You bastard, you fooled us all!" The Genital Inspector somehow locks me in place out of nowhere and uses the chance to start taking my armor leggings off. "Who cares about consent or degenerates like you! Wokeist freaks like you make me sick! I'll stop holding in all of my rage! I hate pretending to be your comrade, I'm only doing this because the secret Genital Police assigned me to this long term task! In fact, they're on their way to this very base. We're going to arrest all of you now! Now you can guess why I delayed the body and armor examinations until after breakfast!" "Let me go. This isn't healthy. Being obsessed with genitals isn't okay! You're the same kind of person as someone who would support laws to make girls go through genital inspections just to play sports. It's disturbing!" "Disturbing? Not as disturbing as freaks like you being around children! You groom people into your causes! You turn kids gay!" "No we don't." "Yes you do!" "No we don't." "Yes you do!" "Where's your proof?" "I know it's happening! There's no way it isn't!" "That doesn't answer my question. Proof. Do you have any?" "No, I don't need proof when I know for a fact that I'm right and you're a liar!" "Funny coming from someone like you." "Shut up! Just let me do my job! I can't focus with you running your rotten mouth! Your armor is so heavy that I need to concentrate completely on removing it so I can look at your genitals!"
"You clearly don't need to completely concentrate on something like that. You're doing just fine. You just want me to be quiet so I can't hurt your fragile ego." "Tch! This is why I hate freaks like you so much! Your facts and logic are so annoying! Who needs that when you have faith?! Finally, I removed your leggings! What the?! You're wearing robes too? Fine! I will have to feel my way around to examine your genitals! And I won't let you move until I'm done. In this dimension, you have no advantage or power over me! None!" I just keep countering his crap with my own words as he feels around until he is able to examine my genitals wothoit my consent. "Yep! That's exactly what I thought it was! Stop pretending! You're a man! Man up and admit to me that non binary isn't real and that you've been using it to hide from your insecurities!" "You bastard! In my world, this would count as sexual assault I believe." I am now able to move again after he retracts his hand. I feel very uncomfortable now but I'm also determined to make him suffer for that. "It's too bad that the former Great Sage who pretended to be a woman is already dead. I would have enjoying inspecting his genitals too!" "Identity isn't tied to what's in someone's pants. If you're going to be like this, then I will make you feel pain." Before The Genital Inspector can reply, I punch him in the face. With that done, I put my discarded leggings back on and retrieve my sword. He comes at me right as I pick my sword up. "Why you! You should have stayed still so I could arrest you for having transgenderism! And I'd be happy to execute you myself. But since you won't go quietly, I'll just kill you here!" "I don't think so." I block magical blasts from him with my shield before unexpectedly jumping into the air and cutting his right hand off cleanly. "My hand! My precious hand! How dare you do this to me!! No! Arg! It's bleeding so much!"
"I don't hesitate to harm those who want them dead as soon as it becomes clear that reasoning with them is impossible. In most cases, that happens so quickly that it's almost difficult to recall. I'll keep you alive for now because I don't have to rush killing you. I wish I didn't have to kill anyone. I wish I never had to feel the want of putting someone down for good. If we were in a battle, I would have already stabbed you right through the heart and cut you to pieces before you could even comprehend the destruction of your heart." The dimension around us vanishes. I find some bandages to wrap his right arm in to stop the bleeding for now. Let's let this bastard spew more of his crap before we end him. We have time today for this. I put away my sword of course and start dragging The Genital Inspector out of the laboratory, leaving his severed hand behind in the process. "Let me go, you dirty freak! I'll kill you! The Genital Police are coming! They'll arrest all of you before you can even comprehend their presence! Just you wait!" As I drag him along to the main meeting room, I hear a lot of arguing going on. Pirate Blaster runs to pace with me, Thrashbeak is on his shoulder staring at me impatiently. "That's him! What did he do? Why is his right hand missing?" "Call everyone to the meeting room. *forgets about the arguing* We have a unknown enemy force coming for us all. We don't know how many there are or anything." "Arrr! I will do so! Thrashbeak, be patient. Just a little longer now." "Squawk!" Blaster runs off after that and I continue dragging The Genital Inspector along to the meeting room where mission teams used to depart all the time. Once there, I get him into a chair and sit across from him. While I was getting him into the chair, I removed his Quantum Leap band and other BRAINS items and threatened him with a BRAINS Blaster. "How much about BRAINS did you reveal to your friends?!" "Everything! Now your leaderless trash organization is going to die!" "Is that so? Then why isn't Pmurt Nedib here? I'm sure he wouldn't miss out on the party if he found out why so many from different universes have been fighting together against him. He's powerful enough to get past all the defenses that block teleportation and such."
"No.. Noooooo! This can't be! I told them everything but I don't think they got the message of anything but the location of this base!" And this is when many others enter the room with arguing constantly going on among some of them. Dominic immediately molecularly binds The Genital Inspector to the chair I put him in and sighs while sitting down next to me. "What a nap causation. There are all of these arguments and I don't understand any of them. Ugh. I'm getting a migraine from all of this. The expectation is for you to speak up and explain what's going on. Blaster told us that the examiner we've trusted for a while now is a problem. His proof was the irony smell of blood in the air on the way here." "Let me guess, Willy or Andromeda or Blaze sniffed it out." "Yes." I take a deep breath and raise my voice while slamming a fist onto the meeting room table which has been magically hyper extended for this meeting along with the rest of the room. "EVERYONE, STOP AND PLEASE LISTEN!" That did nothing. Then some others like Dominic shout alongside me to get everyone's attention. It doesn't work. Barla groans: "Forget yelling! We need to intervene in all of these damn arguments so you can share what you need to share with all of us." "I agree but please don't make me out to be a main character. Anyway, since you can actually hear me, I'll tell you what's most importantly going on. A so called Genital Police is on their way to arrest us all before we even see them coming apparently." "Damn it! Wasn't there another Genital Police not that long ago?" "Yeah, I forgot about them. We wiped them out a couple weeks ago but apparently there's another group called that." "You freaks! Stop ignoring me! I'm still here because you won't let me go! Let me go!" "Should I just shoot his eyes out?" "No, there must be more spies and traitors among us. We could use him to draw them out. I mean, you can if you want but not everyone will be happy about it. I'll be resigned to disappointment." "Okay okay but once we're done with him, I'll kill him even if I have to compete against others to unleash the killing move! Hell yeah!"
"Well, Im going to go see why the Wacky Clowns are fighting. Time to get up from this chair." Those who could hear me with the exception of The Genital Inspector all get up as well. We go around trying to defuse all of the ongoing feuds. Emphasis on trying because more of them have flared up. It was so bad that we forgot about the bastard and that Genital Police. All because the arguing was a lot to handle. I first go to try to take care of the Wacky Clowns feud as I promised to. "Banana Rick, what the hell are you thinking?" "The Big Lie! It's brainwashed all of us! You can't deny it! Can't you see?! The Big Lie is that trans men are men and all that nonsense!" "What in the?! What happened to you, Banana Rick?" "Finally, someone understands my viewpoint!" "Pickle Rick Not An Alien, what is going on?" "I don't know!" "Hey! Let go of my hair, dad!" "Pickle, I will not! I must taste your hair!" "The Big Lie!" "Stop it, all of you!" "Dad! I'll eat your flesh if you don't let go!" "I thought I told you to call me father and your other parent dad!" "No you didn't!" "Yes I did!" "Knock it off or I will make you taste true fear! I might even let my not so logical side have some fun!" "Never! I won't knock it off! This argument isn't your business! Buzz off, Adam!" "Did you just tell me that? That's new. It's been so long since you 4 have argued like this." "The fart sound in the UFO should have been when I discovered The Big Lie but no!" "Are you sure you're really Banana Rick? She is not this wacky." "Of course I am her!" "Am I the only rational member of my family now? Me rational? Aaaaaaaaa!" "Let me eat your hair! And then I'll use its taste to destroy The Big Lie because it's not real!" "No! Don't eat my hair! If anyone is going to debunk that, it's me! I'm not even in my human form so there's no hair for you to actually eat! It's fake hair!" "What?! How did I not notice? I must eat it! I'm more determined than ever!" "This is not what I expected of an argument between you 4. I thought you were just insulting each other over one dumb thing that sparked the whole argument. But that's not what's going on." And this is when the Genital Police literally blew a hole into the meeting room. The arguments continued. But now there was a huge swarm of members of the 2nd Genital Police force.
Some of them head for me and the Wacky Clowns. But then, the real Banana Rick falls from somewhere above us, landing on top of the Banana Rick we've been dealing with. That Banana Rick dies and is revealed to have been nothing more than a magically powered puppet of someone's creation. That's random. Banana Pants turns to the Genital Police members coming for us. "Oooo! Nice hair, fellas! I want to eat it!" "Dad! I thought you wanted to eat my fake hair!" "Not anymore! It's time to get serious!" Banana Pants pulls out a crowbar and uses it to harm the closest bastard to him before using it to take some of their hair off before eating it. When he's done, he has a yellow aura surround him. "Eating hair gives me super strength!" "Dad! Since when?!" "I found this out by accident!" "Damn it! This is no time for humorous commentary! Darkeye Slash! Haaaaaaaaa!" My attack is stopped by all of the foes we're dealing with. Pickle Rick groans: "What now? They can stop our attacks? How is that possible?" One of them replies: "No, just Adam's. He pretends to be someone else. We have detected a genital error. That's why we came for you specifically!" "A genital error? That doesn't even make sense!" "Go woke go broke? No, it's better to say go woke go dumb! Haha! Right, fellow officers?" "..." "What?!" "You don't take this job seriously. Just restrain and arrest everyone here. Those who go against what their genitals tell us who they are and those that support them deserve to be executed brutally in prison." I curse under my breath before pulling out my BRAINS Blaster after putting away my sword of course. "If my sword won't do a thing against you, let's try this." The Wacky Clowns have gotten fully serious now. They pull out their weapons of choice if they weren't out already. Pickle Pants pulls out a chainsaw. Banana Rick pulls out an axe. Pickle Rick pulls out an enchanted stick. The 5 of us attack at once. Our opponents all die quickly and miserably. I disintegrated several of them with the BRAINS Blaster personally. "Come on! We gotta stop the other arguments and enemies immediately!"
Then, The Genital Inspector breaks free of the chair binding Dominic made and pulls all of us into that dimension from earlier. And before we know it, all of us in opposition to the Genital Police get trapped inside a cage that just appears around us. The bastard speaks loudly and clearly: "Now there will be no more living for you. We will execute you one by one!" Carlos sticks out his tongue and makes a fake farting noise with it, causing saliva to go flying: "As if! You won't be able to kill us!" Carlos then disappears only to reappear outside of the cage with a goofy grin on his face. "That's absurd! I told you all that these freaks are mentally unstable! Now do you believe me? Look at how defiant and emotional they are! It makes me sick!" But the other foes are literally sitting down to eat a gold plated breakfast with a drink that is the color of piss. It isn't piss but it sure as hell looks like it is. "Hey! Why is everyone ignoring me?!" And as if things couldn't get stranger enough, my vision goes black and I find myself in a living room with many familiar faces watching what was just happening on TV. "What the hell is going on?" Bray speaks. Wait.. Bray?!?! What?! "Oh, Adam! You're awake! You were asleep for so long that I think you changed the plot of this show we're watching of other versions of us!" "But that can't be right.. I don't know this place. You're dead, how are you here?" "My friend, I must regretfully inform you that everything you have experienced in those 2 bodies was nothing more than a dream." "But.." "It's okay, we're all here for you. Don't worry, you'll remember this life in due time. I shall not be the only one to help you in the pursuit." Windows shatter nearby. The Genital Inspector enters through them. "Hands up! I need to inspect all of your genitals! That is not something you can refuse, you must allow me to check your genitals! That's what the law of this land says! I know you're woke scum but if let me, I will leave you alone for a year before I report you to my superiors at the Genital Police!" The individual who collects villains like trading cards shows themselves from a corner of the room.
They raise their right hand: "Lowlives like you are so pathetic that even I can't find a use for you. Die. Extinction Blast." The Genital Inspector is hit by a tiny laser ray and instantly gets grinded up gruesomely. He dies in seconds and now, blood is raining down from where he was. Once it hits the floor, something happens. The activation of many powers at once including my own. And then, reality literally collapses around me and my vision goes to black again. I open my eyes to find The Genital Inspector screaming at someone else: "What was that? Who killed me?" "I don't have to answer you. You're just our spy, you're expendable. You don't need to know what just happened. But I will tell you. This dimension reacted with many forms of energies, accidentally creating another timeline. It was too unstable to last long. We were all pulled into it. But rest assured, we've done our duty, we just need to finish it by killing all the wokeists." "Hehe! I'm still escaped!" "Why you!" Fluffy Afro escapes next by using his hair combined with fire magic. His escape melts the cage, allowing for fighting to really resume. It didn't actually stop because well, lots of arguing had resumed right after that timeline was destroyed because it was so unstable. But before I could do anything about anything again, something else happened. A portal opened above us and spat out 2 individuals I know very well from my home world. But not as humans. But as their fursonas instead. One is a white ferret with purple eyes, magenta nose and ear things, white and purple ears, and a fuzzy brown hat with a ukulele. The other is another ferret with a top hat, tan brown, brown, and dark brown fur, and lilac nose and eyes. "AAAAAAAA! WHY AM I ME BUT MORE ME!" "ALKALI, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!" "STATUS!!" The Genital Inspector looks on in confusion: "What are those two? More furry freaks?! Noooo! Not them!" Dominic almost laughs: "You screwed with reality too much and have used a random portal to randomly drop in 2 individuals who Adam clearly is familiar with." "Huh?! That's impossible! This dimension is isolated from all others! This can't be!" Now the fighting is really back on. The Genital Police officers are now fighting many of us again while some of us continue on arguing.
"ALKALI, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND US?!" "I DONT KNOW, YOU TELL ME!" "New line!" "WHO SAID THAT! NO ONE NEW LINES ME! THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS!" I walk to them, ignoring all the fighting going on. When a foe tries to kill me, I just shove them back. "Who are you? WHY DOES YOUR VOICE SOUND FAMILIAR?!" I conjure up some glasses using Artist's Eye(they vanished minutes later). "Does this help you recognize me?" "No way! Blaze! It's been forever! How have you been? It's been a while since you've watched The Dragget Show!" "I don't know what to say but WHAT ALKALI SAID!" "Uhh, what's with the armor?" "It's complicated but at least thanks to my stand up at MFF, you kind of have a basic understanding. So yes, the Jungle Jim's chaos is something I can't forget. Like I said during my stand up comedy set at Open Mic, Fluttershy went crazy and tried to free all the fish from the fish tanks and Rarity tried to steal clothes because she thought they looked horrible. And yes, loud booms were heard from the CiCi's Pizza bathroom. Some of them from me." They both burst out laughing. When they stopped, Status asks me: "So what THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" "We have someone called The Genital Inspector who dragged all of us here. He's the furious dude whose right hand is gone." "HIS RIGHT HAND IS GONE?! HES A GENITAL INSPECTOR! WHAT?!" "I'm with Alkali." "At least he hasn't tried to inspect you Status. You don't own what he thinks is the only thing that would mean you really are a dude. Also, this situation is actually more complicated but that's the main idea of why we're here. Oh and The Genital Inspector screwed with reality and you're now here, in a dimension where part of a video game world also is. Don't ask. It would take a while to explain. You won't even remember this when you return to our world and universe." "This is some LARP level crap!" And then The Genital Inspector comes over and glares at Status: "You! I can see it from here! You're a woman pretending to be a man!" "*unison* EXCUSE ME?!" "You don't get to tell someone else who they are just because you think the way they see themselves is morally wrong." "STATUS IS A WONDERFUL AND COMPLETELY VALID FRIEND! DONT TELL HIM WHAT HE CAN AND CANT BE!"
"DUDE, YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT! IM NOT HURTING ANYONE BY BEING MYSELF!" "NOR AM I!" And of course, the dimension just had to get more crowded. A lot more crowded. "WHAT THE HELL! WHICH EXTRA IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!" "DAMN IT! NOT ANOTHER DIMENSION! HOW CAN A DESTROYER GET ANY PEACE WHEN THIS KEEPS HAPPENING!" Hugin appears next to The Genital Inspector with a stern look on his face: "Interfering with the natural order of time-space will not be tolerated. Especially not from someone like you. I will punish you myself for what you have done. Your actions created an unstable timeline that collapsed almost immediately. This has disturbed the balance further, allowing for more rifts to appear." "Who are you?!" "I am Hugin. The Mediator of Time and a member of the Time-Space Investigation Group." "You don't scare me! I'll kill you myself! Take this!" Xeno Vegeta gets in the way: "No! He's the Time Patrol's responsibility!" Then Blaze runs over and pokes Xeno Vegeta: "Awoo! No, he's mine! He called furries like me freaks!" "Tch! Get away from me, you oversized dog!" "Are you challenging me?" "What?! Of course not! I could wipe the floor with you! Just go away and leave this clown to me!" "No!" Blaze then activated a pocket watch that was under their armor until they revealed it. The sounds of ticking can be loudly heard. Then, the wolf transforms with their gear. A silver aura surrounds Blaze when this is done. Their armor has changed to be all purple besides the clocks in the following areas: the shoulders, gloves, knees, ankles, and smack dab in the middle of the chestplate. Their cape hasn't changed. Their gloves are mostly brown. Yes, the clocks are real. Additionally, their sword has changed as well to a saber style 2 handed sword with the colors of a clock. "Awoo! My Time Transformation has been completed! My duty is to protect all space and time with my abilities, my comrades, and my sword! I am a Clock Guardian!" "Blaze! When did this happen?! I knew it was coming but still!"
"No! You can transform? No one told me about this! Why do we have so little information on the abilities of all of these freaks?! I didn't know Adam could easily cut my hand off! Arg! I will with my fellow officers kill all of you! It's time for you all to die once and for all! The Dark Sage will be pleased about all of this! We'll win the war and destroy wokeism once and for all!" Hugin and Vegeta try to punish The Genital Inspector themselves but Blaze gets in their way, taking on anything they try with ease. "This is impossible. No mortal can withstand my abilities." "Nor someone who's a oversized dog can withstand mine!" "Awoo! I'm so excited to share what I'm about to share! *pants excitedly* I made contact with the being who watches over time! The one who gave me the power to use time magic to time travel! We came to an agreement to reinstate that old role of mine in a new form, a Clock Guardian!" I add: "I'm not going to make you do all the talking, Blaze. Alkali and Status, yes my fursona is living and breathing and I'm not fused with them like you are with yours. Also, a Clock Guardian is basically a time knight with some magical abilities related to time itself. This is very much a serious alteration in the character design of Blaze that I hope others come to enjoy too. I'll also stand in your way, Hugin and Vegeta. Let Blaze show you what they can do now. We know what you're capable of already. Besides, Blaze's power level is at a peak it's never been before. Blaze, are you immune to alterations to your timeline now? Something feels different about you! "*barks* Yep! I'm so happy you figured it out already!" "This can't be! Noooooo! What is happening to me? My body feels so strange.." Blaze's aura is doing something to The Genital Inspector. I sigh: "This could have been avoided if I had just killed this bastard when I had the perfect chance. Oh well, I'll make up for it. I just thought that making an example out of him would help us expel spies and traitors but so far, that has not happened."
My fursona turns towards our foe, puts their sword in its scabbard and extends their now open paws away from their body. While wagging excitedly, they gather some energy and then excitedly exclaim: "Forget candy! This is way better than that! It's time. Hyper Age Acceleration!" Silver energy waves start pulsating out from their hands, bending the dimension around us as they do. The wolf stays still and focuses completely on unleashing the energy waves. The sound of a clocking ticking forward rapidly start being heard along with ding sounds representing hours passing by. The Genital Inspector begins to rapidly age at an accelerating rate. At first, it's months but then, it quickly speeds to years in just a second. "Aaaaaaaa! My skin! It's dying and it hurts so much! My bones! They're aching! Noooooooooo! You wokeist freaks! Someone will make you pay for this! I promise you that it will be me when I return or someone who beats me to the punch! Lord Dark Sage, forgive me! I have failed you! There's nothing left I can do but stay here and die!" Seconds after he finishes yelling, he goes from a rotting corpses straight to bone dust. And that's how he died. The Genital Police see this and begin retreating from their battles against many of us. And yet, some of us continue arguing. However, we still won't allow these bastards to escape even though a portal back to Miitopia has opened from the death of The Genital Inspector. I run towards the portal and block the only way to it while grinning. By this point, Alkali and Status had just straight up vanished after Blaze did something. I guess Blaze returned them to Earth. "Where do you think you're going? You know what's better than trying to dig up bodies in a digital fursuit of my fursona in Recroom? Rendering those who wish my comrades and I dead to just being motionless bodies. Since we can't change you and you want us dead, it's the only choice left besides island isolation. That's right, BODIES!" One of them pulls a gun on me: "Let us pass, your morbid freak!" "No. I prefer to let those who selfishly inflict pain onto others suffer unless they learn their lessons. You won't learn so you die I guess. *draws sword and slices the gun to pieces*"
"No! My precious gun! You!" Barla blows em to bits. Thrashbeak cuts another up. Carlos makes another die of poison very quickly. Mel burns another to death. And so on from there. We wipe them out with ease. And just like that, the dimension vanishes from around us. Once it does, Dominic's eyes widen: "Uh oh! They know where we are! Time to move this entire base. GADGET, where are you? Please answer so I don't fall asleep out of annoyance about everything!" GADGET like always at this point appears right out of the floor. They reply: "I am here and already know your request. The mechanisms to automatically relocate this base have been activated by my signals. We will be in a new location very soon. But that is the less concerning disruptive anomaly. Look around you." The biggest dog pile ever has formed and somehow, only Dominic and I didn't become a part of it. "GET OFF OF ME, YOU EXTRAS!' The arguing of earlier has definitely come to a stop now with this going on. Later, I found out why it really stopped because a piles of bodies was left behind in the room once everyone was out. It was of all the spies and traitors. I guess they were all rooted out and paid the price for working against us. Back to the current situation at this point in the retelling. I think I can hear the table and chairs about to break from all the weight on them. Damn it. "What a nap causation! What do we do? No one can move except the 3 of us!" "We could go have an early lunch and just let the problem take care of itself." "Adam!" "I'm just kidding. It's not that easy when it's some sort of chaotic hangout that's happening." Amethyst yells: "Yo! I have the best idea! Let's party while we're all stuck here all together!" "What a nap causation." Fluffy Afro starts making musical sounds.
The Wacky Clowns join him. "DAMN YOU MORTALS! THIS IS NOT HOW YOU DEAL WITH GETTING STUCK ON TOP OF EACH OTHER!" "My lord, this could be fun!" "SHUT IT, WHIS!" "I was just being observant." "WHIS! OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! CAN ANYONE RESOLVE THIS?!" "*unce* *unce* *unce* *unce* Im electronic music beat! *unce* *unce* *unce*" "RIGBY! YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING MUSIC WITH YOUR VOCAL CORDS!" "Chill out, Benson. Im not. I have no idea who's doing that." Lumpy Space Princess comments: "This is like totally the weirdest dance party I've ever been to." "Arrr! This is no party! It's a cope with being stuck event! Or something! I don't know! I do sea shanties, not parties!" Oh great, now Pirate Blaster's singing a improvised sea shanty. Really productive. "Did everyone just collectively get telepathically involved in a game of Superheroes or Party Quirks to f* with the universe?" And now Austin and Madeline are singing. It's just getting worse. Oh and now Marceline is trying to mimic the sound of her bass which she made from her father's axe. Steven starts humming. Ferb spontaneously starts mimicking the melody of the Phineas and Ferb theme song. "Please tell me someone can cast a teleportation or levitation spell." "Let's use fusion!" "Damn you Kakarot! That's not going to work here!" "But fusion fixes everything!" "Nap! No it doesn't! It's like saying magic or time travel fixes everything!" "Now I got it! Dominic! Adam! Go travel back in time to prevent everything!" "*unison* That won't work!" And now, the singing and instrument mimicking has gotten so out of hand that nothing can be heard over it. Dominic and I have to scream just to hear each over all of it. GADGET simply changes the volume of their voice internally.
The 3 of us bounce ideas back and forth but we determine that not a single one would work. Fusion wouldn't work because the fusion wouldn't last long because apparently, being far underground makes fusions far more unstable in Miitopia. Something to do with the planet egg I'm guessing. So thats why fusion is out of the question. The number cards have locked in everything that has happened today. If we try to change it, nothing will change. It's like dealing with a digital art document on a PC after the wi fi dies out of nowhere. Yeah, you can do stuff but it won't save the changes. But then, someone on the top of the dog pile somehow manages to get up despite the very low amount of space between them and the ceiling. And the table and chairs have somehow not broken in the midst of all of this. Amazing. When they succeed, they get down to solid floor. One by one, everyone gets up or teleports away after arm muscle struggles. There we go. Problem solved. Those who don't live in Miitopia with the exception of the Kohnanixians go back to where they reside and that leaves the rest of us to check Miitopia out and take out any threats we see at last. Oh and we had to have lunch not long after the dog pile issue was resolved. The entire situation took up that much time.
Outro: Well well well. About time I combined the concept of a chaotic hangout with really bad issues such as anti-trans bills here in the crappy US. I will be doing more of this for now on. I should use the treasure hunting chapter of this story as a way to criticize greed and criticize toxic social behavior with the Mean Girls themed chapter of this story I have planned. But first, there's going to be a bathroom arc of sorts which is perfect because anti-trans rhetoric often focuses on not just genitals but also trans people using bathrooms that correspond with their identities. Because that's a "scary" thing. This chapter is also partly a response to the anti-trans bills that have been proposed and given public hearings in the state I live in. The Nazis want to demonize the marginalized so badly. So let's expose how ridiculous their bullcrap actually is. In case you were wondering about Status and Alkali. They're Status the Ferret and Alkali Bismuth, 2 notable furries in the US midwestern furry convention scene. I sort of ended up becoming friends with them in unexpected ways so there you go. Yes, in case you didn't figure it out already, Status is a trans man. So hell yeah Status, represent! Let's go! Okay, that's all I have to say. Be well, avoid catching Covid, don't be bigoted, accept people different from you, don't give up on life, don't fall for fascist or capitalist tricks, and so on. Thank you so much for reading.