Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuoki. This amazing anime was created by Asuka Yamazaki, Kazuhiko Hasegawa and Mitsutoshi Ogura. I only created my Asuna and some side characters.
Beta Reader: Waffle (Thank you for being the bestest!)
Rated Teen for violence, blood, coarse language and / or sexually suggestive scenes (rating will change to Mature in the future as story progresses, readers have been advised).
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Kiss Of Snow
By: Swanna
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Chapter 21: Cherry Blossom
Enclosed within the privacy of a secure base just outside the walls of Kyoto, Itou looked across the room at his ally, who was seated at the desk facing the open-air terrace as he intently studied his papers.
Ally. That, of course, wasn't true.
He never believed he was one of them. They were demons. Unlike humans, emotions never came into the equation when they evaluated their affiliates.
The gift of immortality was one he had never asked for, one he had never desired. He'd been turned against his will, and had always been resentful over the change of his destiny. So all this time, he had been waiting. He was waiting for an opportunity to avenge himself against the man responsible for his curse. While he waited, however, he was content to amuse himself with the ongoing battle between humans and demons; the forces of good and evil.
Their forged alliance was, and had always been, a piece of political strategy which positioned him well to assimilate into their environment and foreign way of life. In their eyes, Itou was only a small cog in the wheel, a small part of a much larger purpose.
Let them think that way, that was all right. Because he needed them to think he was one of them too, or at the very least, striving to be one of them. They were valuable tools, the way he saw it. And he wanted to have them close by for whenever he might need them.
Like today.
"So you're saying there's another demoness residing with the Shinsengumi?" Yukimura Kodo asked, still focusing on the documents in his hands as if it was a more important concern.
This demon still treated him like an inexperienced Rasetsu, which nearly caused his indignation to seep through. Instead, he forced a small smile, as a feigned measure of respect. "By now, I'm confident I would recognize demons when I see one."
Kodo paused a moment, then continued. "Keep an eye on her as well. Perhaps she may become useful to us one day."
Itou wanted to know why he should keep an eye on her, but he held his tongue. Even if he had asked the question, he would have been met with silence only. After all this time, they still didn't trust him. And that was why he didn't trust anyone, either. Not one little bit.
Though the following question then occurred to him and needed to be asked. "Humor me and tell me why you didn't keep Chizuru by your side if she's so important to you? Why go through so much trouble to have me infiltrate the Shinsengumi just to watch over her?"
Kodo answered because it was no secret. "Now isn't the right time to explain everything to her and let her in on the truth about her background. Currently she still has a kind of loyalty and longing for acceptance towards the mortals, and she wouldn't understand our cause. But someday, she will come to realize just how much of a danger she has always been to them and join us."
"It's truly unfortunate that your little experiment on the humans has to be stopped for now, especially when you almost reached a breakthrough to cure the Rasetsu's frenzy. I wonder what does the Master have in mind this time."
Kodo finally put down the stack of papers and turned his head to give him a look of reproach. "I'm sure our Master has his own thoughts and ideas. We just need to obey his commands and not to question his judgement."
Those words may have sounded like a friendly warning, like a piece of advice offered between two associates. Rather, it was Kodo's way of figuratively keeping him in his place.
Itou narrowed his eyes, but simply said, "Of course."
"Besides, this will grant me more time to create a better adaptation of the Water of Life, and to work on my other experiment. Speaking of which, take these." He placed several glass vials on top of the desk. It contained the essence that could keep Itou's hunger under control. He hated those elixirs which dominated his life now. Yet, he hated the thought of becoming a reanimated corpse that survived on human blood even more. "It will also help to speed up the healing process. Next time, don't provoke a demon without being prepared to pay the price for it."
He stared at his broken wrist that Kodo had set and treated. Although to some Itou may seem harmless and showed a non-violent disposition, he actually punished without mercy and planned cruel torment for his enemies. After today's humiliation, Hijikata Toshizou and Shinohara Asuna had both just made an enemy out of him.
"There won't be a next time."
X X X
"Asuna, we have to leave now," Takeda urged.
"No."
"Asuna-sama, please! You must go with Takeda-san now!"
"I said no, I'm not leaving!"
Takeda picked Asuna up into his arms and carried her as they fled into the garden from the back of the mansion.
"Takeda, put me down! I can't leave them! I have to go back!"
He ignored her desperate pleas and continued running towards the tall stone walls surrounding the household. The paper door was quickly closed behind them, and she watched the movements of the shadowy figures as they barged into her quarters.
"No…no! Takeda, let me go!"
From the silhouette, a man lifted his sword above her maid's head, who remained motionless and didn't struggle as he brought down his weapon and struck her, turning her to ashes. Asuna wanted to scream as the horror of the situation dawned on her, but everything suddenly went black.
Frantic, she spun around and realized she was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the mortals armed with weapons and torches. Their faces were contorted with crimson rage and terror in the moonless night. Some of them looked back at her with undisguised hatred that muttered unspoken threats towards her as a demon. She could not only see it in their faces, she felt it too; she could hear their hearts pounding, feel the blood coursing through their bodies. They were all terrified, and she was the object of their fear.
"How dare you come here!"
"Return to hell where you belong, you monster!"
"Let me go," Asuna gasped, rushing from side to side, searching for a way to get past them.
"Get away from here! Leave us alone! You don't belong here!"
They began advancing towards her with their lifted weapons, and shouting loudly in chorus to kill and burn her.
"Leave me alone! I don't want to hurt you or kill you!"
Ignoring her warning, they continued approaching closer until her back hit against a tree. Their eyes burned with a malicious glare that made her sick to her stomach.
"Die, you bloodsucking monster! DIE!"
They sprinted forward and all attacked her at once, swarming in from every direction. Before they could strike her, everything went black and silent again. She was engulfed by darkness. Sheer darkness and deafening silence.
Asuna's heartbeat accelerated. She recognized this darkness. It was something that she didn't want to see. It was malignant and destructive. And it wanted her.
Part of this was her own doing. Earlier had she not reached out for the calamitous violence in the first place; had she not wanted to wrap herself in it and welcomed it with complacency thinking she would've been able to control it, then it wouldn't have returned for her consciousness when her mind was crumbling. It could sense her vulnerability, an opening for it to crawl back in.
There was a corrupting pleasure in it. Pleasure that was born from the darkness. It was crushing and yet, it also felt…satisfying. Little by little, she slowly lost the sense of separateness, until eventually she became one with the darkness and the darkness one with her.
Panic seared across her mind as she tried to draw back, but it gripped her so hard that her heart beat in a dangerous, jagged rhythm. The putrid smell of death filled her nostrils. Its needs must be fulfilled for it to satiate the bloodlust.
It didn't want to let go of Asuna, she could feel it. It didn't want to let go. Ever. Not until she plummeted into insanity so deep and hysteric that no more than small fragments of her mind remained. She reached out at the darkness, but there was nothing physical to hold onto, nothing to fight her way out with. The more she struggled to free herself, the more she was entrapped hopelessly in its invisible claws.
Something touched her shoulders. Then her cheeks. Tingles swept over her skin and a coolness settled inside her, forcing away the darkness.
"Asuna, wake up." A familiar voice called in her ear, penetrating the darkness surrounding her. "Open your eyes and look at me."
She woke with a gasp and snapped her eyes open. The sight of Hijikata's moonlit face greeted her. He held her gaze, and she felt the brush of his mental touch. She clung to it.
Don't let go, she thought to herself fiercely. Don't let go or I will fall back in.
The fingers tracing her face were callused but tender, making her skin strangely hot. The sensation was so startling intense and pleasing that her focus was forcibly drawn towards it. The darkness slithered away.
A ragged breath later, Asuna became aware that he had pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. Her voice was a rasp; cold sweat beading on her forehead. "What are you doing?"
"You're shivering from the cold. I'm holding you to keep you warm since we can't start a fire without giving away our location." His bewildered gaze searching her face. The concern in his eyes lingered, grew. "I know you don't like being touched and you can shove me away if you want."
He was giving her the choice in the matter, she noticed. And for the very first time, she didn't want to let him go. It was an illogical reaction. Hijikata wouldn't be able to stop the darkness if it was determined to hunt her down and devour her, over and over again in a vicious cycle. However, a part of her was convinced that if he drew away his touch the darkness would return, and this time nothing could make it go away.
After a little while, when Asuna remained still and silent in his arms, he then asked, "Are you alright?"
"Yes." Her answer sounded weak and not entirely truthful, but it was the best she could muster at this moment. Hijikata's frown told her that he obviously didn't believe her.
"You don't look it." He scowled and reached to push her hair off her face.
His touch made every nerve in her body ignite, but she held strong. She could withstand this. It was what had brought her back from the darkness, and she would learn to deal with anything that helped to keep the darkness at bay.
"Where are we?" She inquired, attempting to divert his attention from her reactions.
How long had she been out? It was already nightfall. She must have been unconscious for quite some time. What had happened after they fell off the cliff? Something stirred in her brain, something so elusive that it vanished in an instant. It was there, though. But why couldn't she remember?
"We made it to the edge of the woods. But it was getting dark, so we're making a stop here for the night. We'll find our way back to the headquarters at dawn."
Looking at the steep hill before them, she was surprised that Hijikata had somehow managed to bring her up the slope. "How did you get me up here?"
His shoulder moved against her as he shrugged and stared out into the night sky. "Carried you."
He deliberately made it sound simple. Granted, he was strong, but the face of the hillside was littered with boulders and loose rocks. He wouldn't have been able to carry her all the way up here without suffering from cuts and livid bruises. She felt indebted to him through gratitude and it drew her that much closer to him.
After some time Asuna slowly regained her bearings. The headache was gone, replaced by a dull throb at the base of her skull as she became more aware of her body. With her senses sharpened, the night air whistled through her nostrils and she picked up the all too familiar scent that never failed to stir a deep craving inside her.
"I smell blood. Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." He peered down at her again, watching her closely. "How are you feeling?"
"I can't remember what happened after I fell in the water."
"You were likely injured when you landed on the rocks. There was a lot of blood when I found you at the bottom of the pool."
Asuna closed her eyes and tried to remember again. Nothing came to mind. Instead, her perceptions sharply focused on the outer physical world of her senses, and she became increasingly aware of Hijikata. Of the steady thrum of his heartbeat under her ear, of the masculine warmth coming off his body, of his scent of mingled heat, male and wind. And most of all, of the way she was reacting to him.
She shouldn't have stayed in his arms and remained held against him. But she couldn't stop the need from rising inside her. The need for closeness after having those tormenting visions. For those few moments, the intensity in his touch made her feel…safe. It was as if someone was in this with her, and her heart didn't care if it was Hijikata.
"Why did you save me?" The question had been plaguing her mind since she woke up.
"Most people would thank me for saving them, not questioning my intent. Except you, apparently," he retorted while maintaining an air of bland composure.
Asuna didn't accept his attempt to deflect her inquiry. "I'm a demon, I would've survived the fall. You could have died."
"But I didn't die."
"You could have died. Why did you risk your life to save mine?"
A faint smile touched his mouth. "Who knows. Perhaps I thought your life was worth saving."
How could he make light of the situation when he had to fight those demons to protect her? When he had almost lost his life because of her? Why was he insistent on risking so much for her? He had protected her, had fought for her, but she couldn't look at him without feeling a lingering trace of anger.
She knew she would gradually overcome it though. Hijikata had done nothing to deserve her anger. He had done everything to deserve her trust. Except that wasn't what she wanted at all. But right now, she didn't want to broach the topic. Not tonight. She shivered against the cooler night air that was typical of spring and let out a small sigh of fatigue. He felt so warm and solid against her, she had to force herself not to burrow even closer to his strength. A sudden thought came to the forefront of her mind.
"That was the first time you used my name."
He looked stunned at her unexpected comment, then the muscles on his face tightened before relaxing again. "Do you not like it?"
"You already know I prefer to be called by my name."
Hijikata said nothing for a few moments. He was contemplating something, she supposed. There was this concentrated yet faraway look on his face, but she decided to let him be for a while.
When he finally spoke, his meditative expression remained. "Were you having nightmares?"
The suddenness of the question surprised Asuna. Addressing this question would only lead to all kinds of other questions she didn't want to think about. It was long in the past. Even though she hadn't been able to move on, she had survived. And she didn't want to get into it with him, not now, not ever. So she held her silence. But his fingers touched her chin, turning her to face him.
"You haven't answered me." He frowned again while holding her gaze as if he could look right through her eyes and into her mind. "Don't you think I've earned it by now?"
Something about his gaze compelled her to agree. As much as she disliked having to admit it, he was right. He had risked his life for her. Needlessly, but it was no less true. And because of that, she owed him honesty. She decided to tell him as much as she could, even if it would tear her apart piece by painful piece to relive the experience again, without revealing her entire past. Because some dark secrets should stay hidden away.
After pushing away the barriers of hesitation and uncertainty, she lowered her eyes and replied in a tone scarcely above a whisper. "I've been having the same nightmares since that night. My mind won't let me forget those haunting images. The bloody handprints and smears on the walls of my home. The long blood trails that led to where countless human bodies had been crawling. The house that I grew up in being burned to the ground, until not even rubble remained."
Asuna still remembered with clarity that the night's stale air had been filled with the stench of death, the retching wet sound of footsteps in the pools of blood, and the shrill, helpless screams and shouts. Her chest clenched as memories of the massacre cascaded through her mind.
"In those dreams I was a child again, witnessing our allies and attendants who had watched over me die. One by one, they were struck down until there was nothing left but ashes. There was so much ash. Piles and piles scattered everywhere. Then a cold wind blew them away into the night. They vanished just like that. It was almost like they had never existed in the first place." Hijikata didn't interrupt as he had likely caught the jagged shards of pain he could hear in her normally calm tones. "But I was given an easy way out. At least I didn't have to watch my parents die, and I'd lost them both at once."
"Don't say that." His voice was gentle, so gentle that the sound of it made her throat feel too tight.
Asuna stared down at the grass moving mildly in the light breeze. "It doesn't make it less true."
It still didn't make their deaths any easier to bear, because it had never stopped hurting. She had buried her heart with them that night. But she knew she wouldn't have been able to watch them die in front of her and survive it.
"How did you manage to escape?"
That was the question she had hoped he wouldn't ask. Nonetheless she answered it with straightforward, plain honesty. "Someone died in my place. A girl who never had a chance in life when she had been a mortal. Even as a Rasetsu, she had to take my place and died as my substitute."
So many emotions clashed inside her every time she recalled Sen's death. The pain that someone had to sacrifice her own life in exchange for Asuna's, the anger that rippled through her for each senseless death, and above all, guilt. The guilt that she was still alive when everyone else was dead.
"You don't have to tell me anymore. I'm sorry I made you remember all this." He tightened his hold around her, cradling her gently to restore comfort and reassurance. His hand ran down her back in a soothing gesture, leaving a trail of warmth in its wake.
With each passing minute Asuna felt her sense of calm slowly returning. She finally allowed herself to lower her guard when she drew her face into the hollow of his neck, taking in his scent. She let Hijikata infuse her with a strength she presently didn't have within her, until the exhaustion claimed her once more.
"I've never told anyone about my nightmares before. Not in detail like this. You're the first."
But she had no intention of telling him about that bloody night in the forest, when she'd been surrounded by the mortals and the darkness. What was happening to her was much too private and guarded to share.
"For what it's worth, I'm glad you told me. You're carrying too much pain by yourself."
"I wasn't, not at first. I had Takeda and he was my pillar. He was beside me every step of the way."
She felt Hijikata's body tense up briefly, but all he asked was "Who is he to you?"
"He was my guardian since the day I was born, and remained a strong presence for me after my parents' death. After my life was destroyed by humans I was filled with hatred, and all I wanted was revenge. But Takeda changed my attitude. He was my control during the darkest time in my life."
The burden of grief had been so massive that Asuna had felt crushed beneath it. She was unable to function, to care. But Takeda had been there, offering her silent comfort like what Hijikata was doing right now. And whenever she would tell him that she was going to avenge her parents' deaths one day, he would then ask her questions that pierced her pretensions and made her have a change of heart.
"Will your parents come back to life if you kill those humans?"
"Would you want more people to suffer as we do? The intensity of the pain would be the same for them."
"Did you know you can truly let go of your past by letting go of your resentment and hatred towards humans?"
In some ways, Hijikata had reminded her of him. There was the same core of hard, almost reckless courage, and an inner maturity that made him seem far older than his years. He hadn't flinched from her grief, but had shared it with her. He let her know that despite everything that had happened, she wasn't alone.
"Where is he now?"
"He's dead," she explained calmly, willing herself to show no grief. "One day, he left to gather firewood and didn't return. I went to look for him, and found his clothes by the river. Days became months, and months became years, but still he never returned. That was when I knew he was no longer with me."
His death had been sudden and an immense loss for her. It was one of the reasons, together with her sense of anguish, that she decided to never allow for this kind of closeness again.
"And you've been alone ever since."
"I'm used to being by myself and I'm comfortable with it," she told him. Her eyelids were feeling heavy so she closed them. "We come in to this world alone and we leave it alone. I don't need anyone in my life."
Hijikata remained quiet.
As they both seemed to be out of words, a companiable silence fell over them. They were simply being together, staying in each other's company. Being held in his arms was a solace and Asuna truly reveled in it, even if it was short-lived. This was all she needed or wanted tonight. She supposed it had to do with the fact that he made her feel safe. The irony of feeling it for the first time with a mortal was lost on her as she drifted off to sleep.
The moonlight cast a pale shadow across her face as she slept. When a breeze ruffled a loose tendril of hair, Hijikata reached up and gently brushed it back behind her ear. A score of thoughts ran through his head as his mind replayed the events of the last few minutes and he inhaled her soft floral scent.
Before Asuna had woken earlier, he had been worried that she would catch pneumonia. So he'd wrapped his arm around her unconscious body and had pulled her in front of him. He'd used his body to shield her from the wind while he shared his warmth with her. Having her in his arms felt so right, even though he knew he had crossed an invisible line of intimacy with her. But the instant she'd opened her eyes, he had gone motionless.
Her eyes had been glowing crimson red, and there was something unfocused about them, as if she was still in trance. Then to his surprise, she'd told him in an almost inaudible whisper, "don't let go or I'll fall back in." He didn't understand what it'd meant or what she was so afraid of. Yet every instinct warned him that something wasn't right. Especially when he'd found her barely breathing, her skin sheened in sweat, and her hands curled into fists so tight that she'd been bleeding from cuts made by her fingernails.
Those warning signs were more than enough to have him locking his arms tight around her. Touch unsettled Asuna, so he figured it would unsettle her enough to bring her back from wherever it was that she had gone.
But when she'd finally come to her senses, her eyes the color of aquamarine again, and Hijikata had expected her to push him away and keep her distance. Instead, for the first time, she had clung to him in sheer desperation as if her life depended on it. The touch seemed to have shattered her façade of stoicism and exposed the raw pain hidden beneath it. He doubted she even realized she'd been continually pressing closer and closer to him unconsciously throughout the night.
Asuna suddenly moved in her sleep, resting her cheek onto his shoulder. Taking care not to wake her, he shifted slightly to a more comfortable position for her. In turn, the quick gesture irritated the lacerated wound under his ribcage, and he winced at the lancing pain and tried to ignore it. His body felt battered, bruised and bloodied. After the adrenaline rush from the afternoon receded, the injuries he'd sustained when he'd fought the demon started to ache and twinge again. But the pain was worth it if it kept her safe.
You idiot, Hijikata cursed himself silently. Afflicted with worries, he'd forced her to tell him about her nightmares and made her relive the trauma.
It no longer came as a surprise to him that all of his concerns for her always came in a tidal wave of anxiety. The pull between them had been too powerful. Even before he had gotten to know her, he'd been drawn to her. And despite his best efforts, he couldn't break free. There had been other subtle clues as well. Something about her struck him as different the moment they'd met. She was calm and guarded, but not unfeeling. He'd been proven right tonight when he'd gotten a glimpse of the real woman under the protective armor that she wore like second skin.
What he didn't expect, however, was the pricking of envy that he'd felt when she talked about her guardian. She seemed to have revealed a part of herself in a way she had never done with anyone else, which said much about the level of trust between them. On the one hand, it was a relief to know that she didn't face the horror and injustices of her past alone. On the other, everything in Hijikata yearned for her to have the same trust in him that she had placed in her guardian. But being as strong-willed as she was, would she even grant him that privilege and permit herself to be connected to someone again?
Watching her sleep, he took in every detail of her face, every line and curve of her features, until his eyes were on her lips. A brief, vivid memory flickered through his mind as he remembered how her lips felt against his own. His desire rose again, but it was intertwined with an almost overwhelming tenderness that he didn't know he had in him. He wanted to curve his body around hers, wrap his arms over her waist, and tug her close. Just to hold her.
Asuna was not only strong-willed, but she was also resilient. Losing her family had left a deep wound in her heart, yet she was reluctant to let anyone in to help her heal. What truly amazed him was that a part of her past was tainted with sorrow and grief, but she still tried to come to terms with it and find a way to live her life the way she wanted. A demoness who wasn't tempted by the trinkets and promises of outside forces, no matter how painful the loss was and how deep her hatred ran.
After all that had happened today, Hijikata could almost understand her need to banish emotions. If she didn't feel, then she wouldn't remember. If she didn't feel, then she wouldn't mourn. And if she didn't feel, then she wouldn't hurt deep down.
He ran his fingers along her temple, her cheek, and finally the edge of her chin, wishing that somehow his touch could express the deep sorrow he felt for her. It made him ache, almost physically.
"But now you'll never be alone again. Not anymore," he whispered to her sleeping form before he too, let sleep sweep him into dreams where Asuna didn't just let him hold her, but so much more.
X X X
The haze of early dawn came upon them, and Asuna was awoken by the sounds of chirping birds. The morning was crisp and clear; the soft sensation of warmth spread across them. She then realized she was still in Hijikata's arms, as she had been when she'd fallen asleep. It was the first time in years that she had awakened next to a man other than Takeda.
She took a glance at him and noticed he was still asleep; his face was too close to hers. Her first instinct was to push herself away from him and regain her composure. But recalling the scent of blood from last night, she fought against her own instincts and decided not to wake him. If he was wounded then he would need all the rest he could get. His mortal body needed time to heal without distractions.
Although Asuna was overly conscious of every inch of where their bodies connected, she forced herself to stay still a moment longer as she watched and studied him. His head had tipped forward and his bangs had fallen over his closed eyes. His face was so peaceful, relaxed. Unworried and unstressed. Watching him sleep like this made her feel strange. She had always considered herself unaffected by outward appearances, but with his long hair, black as midnight, and contrasting violet eyes, she could see why Souji had claimed that Hijikata was attractive to other females.
Without being fully aware of what she was doing, she started to reach for him. She just had a most peculiar urge to stroke the hair off his forehead and let her fingertips feel the softness of it. But before her curiosity got the better of her, she stopped her hand in mid-air, halfway extended to his forehead and froze. Asuna's eyes lingered on him as she held her position, not reaching any further, not moving a muscle. She was suddenly mystified by her own behaviour. This erratic feeling, it was almost like a kind of hunger that seemed to be beyond her own self. This had never happened to her before. Why was it happening now?
While the troubling thoughts ran through her mind, Hijikata stirred and his eyelids flickered open, blinking against the low light. She dropped her hand abruptly, ensuring her motion escaped his notice, and pulled back from him to sit up. Immediately, she missed the warmth and strength of his touch.
Perhaps last night had stirred things - senseless emotions and feelings in her that were best left undisturbed. And if she ignored them long enough, she was sure it would go away.
"It's dawn. We should find our way back," said Asuna as she tamped down the feelings that carried no conscious reasoning, and seized control of her mind once again.
He lifted his head and stared at the morning sky, then his gaze traveled slowly over her face. "Are you feeling better?"
"Shouldn't you be worrying about yourself?" She frowned, noticing the dark red stain on his purple kimono and his hand that was bandaged with a white handkerchief.
"Since you're in the mood to bicker, I'll take that as a yes, then." Hijikata just looked at her, a wry quirk to his lips.
"This isn't bickering. I'm simply saying your worry for me is unnecessary."
Asuna picked up her sword from behind them and removed the blade from the scabbard. Just as she was about to draw her own blood with it, he grabbed her wrist, stopping her.
"Don't. I don't need your blood."
Ignoring the heat that cascaded across her skin at the touch, she tugged from his grip. "There's nothing wrong with my blood, and your injuries will only slow us down."
"I don't want you to hurt yourself to heal me."
Another needless concern. After taking advantage of his kindness last night, this was more consideration than she deserved.
"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to do it." She tugged at her hand again and this time, he let her go.
"I told you, I'm fine." He stood up. "Anyway, let's head back before any more trouble finds us."
Knowing she couldn't change his mind once it was set, she wordlessly stood up and waited for him to lead the way. They started back through the woods until they found the trail that led uphill again. A band of clouds rolled in as sunrise grew nearer. They continued their path until the sun crested the horizon and its orange light ignited the golden tones of the trees around them, washing over the trails with a warm glow.
It was mid-morning by the time they made their way back to the Shinsengumi's headquarters. When Sanosuke and Saito saw them from a distance, they quickly rushed to meet them at the entrance.
"What the hell happened to both of you?" Sanosuke asked, not missing their tattered appearance. They looked weary, sweaty and tired.
Saito noticed the blood on Hijikata's kimono. "You're injured."
Pale but determined, he pressed his hand to the wound on his side. "I'm fine. I've had worse."
But he couldn't fool Asuna. The way he had clutched at his midsection on the way back told of a wound worse than he let on. Why didn't he just take her blood? Why force himself to bear the pain until the wound could be treated properly? One day his pride and stubbornness would be the death of him.
"You don't look so good and you're bleeding all over the place," Sanosuke grimaced after glancing down at their Vice-Commander's injury. "Let's get Chizuru to take a look at the wound and clean you up."
As they were about to walk away from the entrance, Saito turned to Asuna and told her, "By the way, Senhime is here to see you."
As if on cue, Senhime and her guardian came into view from the house. She could see the quiet distress in the younger demoness's eyes. "Asuna-chan, can I speak to you? It's urgent."
She caught the instinctive shared glances of the three men before they left the women to themselves, and went on ahead. Senhime also commanded Kimigiku to stay behind at the courtyard, affording them privacy for their discussion as they withdrew into Asuna's quarters.
"I've just received information from my reconnaissance officer," Senhime began as soon as the door was closed. "Mitsuru's brother, Einosuke, claims he has found his sister's killer and has already sent some high-ranked demons to track her down. It's not safe for you here. We need to go somewhere else."
"They've already found me," Asuna said bluntly.
From the moment she'd slayed Mitsuru, she had expected this outcome. That her family and her clan members would demand revenge and payment in blood. Under normal circumstances she would've been prepared for bloodshed, but the news had come too late. The storm had arrived, the war was on.
Senhime looked shocked, as if confronted with something she had never considered before. "Then we shouldn't waste any more time. They will know you're here and come for you soon."
"And how long do you suggest we keep running from this? There's nowhere to go and there's nowhere to hide."
"This isn't open for debate, Asuna-chan. You need to leave with me immediately and I'll see you to safety before I do anything else to resolve this conflict." Her air became unmistakable; confident. "There's no time for hesitation. We must act quickly."
Asuna knew what she needed to do. It wasn't ideal, but it had to work. For everyone involved, it had to work. She had no other choice now.
"I need you to do something for me."
Senhime's light-brown eyes brimmed with curiosity. "Anything."
X X X
Hijikata stood in the shade of the lone cherry blossom tree as he waited for Asuna to come out of her quarters. Judging from Senhime's troubled expression earlier, he sensed a serious discussion was taking place between them. When they finally came out of the room at long last, they appeared composed and collected. But his instinct told him otherwise. Speculation flooded his mind and it tinged with deep apprehension about what was to come.
Asuna's eyes met his across the garden instantly, before she turned to Senhime. "I need a moment."
"Of course." Her glance shifted between them. With a slight dip of her head, she dismissed herself to give them some privacy.
Asuna then walked over to stand beside him, following his pensive gaze upward as they both looked up at the tree in full bloom. The delicate flowers took on a rich and deep vibrant shade of soft pink. When the breeze came up the air was heavy with a sweetness that reminded him of her scent, and the petals fell like snow streaming over them. Some were caught in the hem of their clothes, in the strands of their hair and even in her uplifted palm. Quiet as snow, silent and fleeting, the petals drifted down from above and landed on the ground around them.
"When Heisuke first told me that this tree would bloom in springtime, I thought to myself that I wouldn't get the chance to see it since I would have left this place by then. I never expected I would stay with the Shinsengumi until now."
Hijikata knew she was trying to distract him since she never cared for small talk. It wasn't working. The words were slow to sink in, but before he could absorb them in their entirety, his muscles were already tight with the tension of anticipation; his breathing barely discernable.
He took two steps towards her, his eyes boring into hers. "Are you leaving with Senhime?"
The instant Asuna returned his gaze, he could see the light had vanished from her eyes, and was replaced with a chilling blank look in them. Even the color of her eyes seemed to have changed from aquamarine to fathomless blue.
"Yes."
The flatness of her tone made him flinch; she spoke without emotion. Unlike the other night at the Sumi balcony, she didn't even sound like she was considering her answer this time.
Carefully keeping his face impassive, he asked, "Why are you leaving? Didn't you say there's nothing for you at her village? You should stay here."
"You know it's not that simple."
Without looking away from her face, Hijikata bridged the distance between them and stepped into her personal space. He needed to be near her. His fingers tingled with his desire to touch her again.
"I don't understand."
Asuna's eyes hardened even more. "If I stay, then it will become dangerous here. My presence will only bring violence and destruction. There is no reason to risk your life any further, you've already done enough as it is."
"It's my life to risk as I see fit."
Not only would he not think twice about putting himself in danger for her, but he would even be willing to do much worse things, just to keep her safe. He had silently vowed to himself last night that he would never again allow the woman under his protection to be hurt.
"But you don't have the right to decide that for the rest of the Shinsengumi."
"We place our lives at stake every day and face death head on. None of us are afraid to die. We're all warriors who expect to die someday. Threats of danger don't frighten us."
Hijikata had overcome his fear of death the day he'd chosen the path of becoming a samurai. It had given him the invulnerability and fortitude to fight for what he believed in. All simply because he knew he'd had nothing to lose.
Until now.
Until Asuna came into his life and he didn't want to lose her. Not when he was finally able to learn so much about her, and realized he wanted to know even more. In fact, he would fight with everything in his being to keep her with him. To fight for his chance to tell her where he wanted to take their relationship; for their chance to explore the possibilities of being together.
Her eyes were riveted on him steadily, as if to silence his stubbornness. "They're willing to risk their lives for a cause and the prosperity of your people. Not for me, I'm not part of the Shinsengumi. Never have been."
But Hijikata would not be silenced. "Yes, you are. You're part of the Shinsengumi now. You became one of us when you spilled your blood to heal Sannan's injury, saved Heisuke and Souji at the Ikeda Inn, and when you protected Shinpachi from Kazama at Mount Ten'nou. In return, we're all willing and ready to stand by you and fight for you."
"Not for a demon. They would never be willing to endanger their lives and fight for a demon if they were made aware of the truth."
"You don't know them the way I do. I've known most of them for years. They will protect you regardless, knowing you're in danger."
"What about Kondou and Souji? What about Saito? What about Chizuru? Are you willing to lose them? Are you going to let them die just because you want to keep me alive?"
Hijikata felt the questions like a kick to his gut. "They won't die."
"Yes, they will. If Mitsuru's brother decides to bring his clan here and destroy the Shinsengumi because you're all aiding and abetting his sister's killer, then every single one of you will be eliminated. Do you understand the dangerous situation you're putting everyone in?"
Every spoken word was precise. Hijikata understood, but wished he didn't.
"Then I'll fight with you," he declared, making it a statement of fact, not a suggestion. To him, this was the only answer. There was no other way.
A deep silence spread over them. Asuna's head tilted to one side, a gesture he was very familiar with, and she studied him warily. "You're interfering again. This has nothing to do with you. Why are you so adamant in meddling with my life?"
"It's because I care about your safety!" Irritation tore through him; his fists clenched so tight his knuckles hurt. Hijikata ached to tell her how he felt about her, but he didn't have the right words. He had never spoken of passion to a woman before. Now that the time had come, he couldn't bring himself to say what he wanted. So he did the next best thing and repeated himself again, only softer this time. "I care about you."
Here he was, baring his soul to her and yet nothing about her seemed to yield. Nothing softened. She became so cold again, so void of emotion. This wasn't the same woman that he had held in his arms last night. All trace of that warm, responsive woman had disappeared under a layer of ice.
"Then you seem to have misplaced your concern towards a demon, and your focus is in the wrong place." Even her calm tone gave away nothing. "If it hadn't been for the circumstances that had brought you and I together, our paths never would have crossed. Now that we've each held our end of the bargain in our mutual agreement, we can move on and resume our individual lives like how it was meant to be."
Scowling, Hijikata growled deep in his throat. A low sound of utter frustration and barely concealed rage. "Why do you keep pushing me away and shutting me out?"
"Because I don't want your help and the way you insinuate yourself into my life. My entire family was killed by mortals, but yesterday I was saved by a mortal. How do you think that made me feel?" Asuna paused for a moment, to let the words penetrate. Then looking directly into his eyes, she said frigidly, "You should at least let me salvage my pride."
"You should at least let me salvage my pride."
His heart twisted in his chest at her comment. The words felt constricting, suffocating, until he could barely move, barely breathe. "It bothers you this much? To be rescued by me?"
"Yes."
That single sound, the deeply felt affirmation broke Hijikata's heart. He felt an actual pain in his chest. He'd never understood that the expressions about heartache were literal. He'd never cared enough to experience it before. This demoness was learning experience for him, and clearly, one he needed.
"Then I suppose I've done a foolish thing and caused you trouble. I can see that now. And don't worry, I won't force myself into your life anymore, either."
She said nothing at all, her face and posture betraying none of her thoughts. She just stood there in front of him, close enough to touch, close enough for him to imagine the silk of her lips crushed against his.
A while later, Senhime returned to the garden. "Asuna-chan, we should leave now."
Asuna turned to him one last time. "I need the demon slaying sword back."
Hijikata unstrapped the sheath around his waist and handed it to her. But instead of letting go, his grip tightened around the sword when she reached for it. He realized that if he lost her now, he would forever regret it.
"You know, you keep bringing up all this human and demon shit. It seems to me that you're the one who can't let go of our differences, not me. You decided that I'm not good enough to be your ally just because I'm a human." He took a slow breath and withdrew a bit before continuing, his voice grew gentle now. "You never believed in any of us. Not in me. You never trusted me. You still don't, despite all that has happened between us. Not even after last night."
The words hung in the air as he waited for her reaction. Asuna simply blinked, then lowered her gaze to his hand that was holding the sword tightly. Her calmness left him flatfooted. It also infuriated him that he had no right to stop her from leaving, no matter how much he wanted to.
"We better go, Asuna-chan."
He waited another moment, expecting any response. He could have dealt with any response, even her anger, but instead all he got was silence. This time, he released his hold on the sword.
Hijikata had assumed that what he'd said would make her see and understand; he had hoped that he would change her mind. It didn't. Remaining wordless, she took the weapon from his hand and walked away from him to join Senhime at the corridor. He couldn't remember how long he had kept his back to them, but when he finally looked over his shoulder for Asuna again, he discovered she was gone.
Gone.
He felt gutted. For an instant, he considered chasing after her. But what would he say to her after he caught up with her? That whenever he was around her, he couldn't think straight? That he cared so much about her that he would do anything for her? That he had fallen for her?
It was all true, but she would never believe him. And even if she did, where would that leave them?
In the end, it didn't matter what he felt for her. Even if he told her that she meant something to him and it spurred her to stay here, one day she may come to realize it as an impulsive mistake on her part and leave anyway.
Defeated, Hijikata turned around to gaze up at the cherry blossom tree before him again. He stood there for a long time, listening to his heartbeat as his mind wandered. It appeared he had been right after all, the two of them would never work. Even if Asuna had chosen to stay, he doubted she would ever be able to truly accept him for what he was. A human, something that he could not change, not even for her.
It was best to let her go now before we got in too deep, he tried to convince himself. Before he got in too deep for him to ever let go of her.
He was left with no other choice but to accept her decision. This was the way she had wanted it, to go their separate paths. Perhaps that was their destiny, to never meet each other again.
"I wish you well through life, Shinohara Asuna," he whispered into the wind.
Because even if he could never see her again, he wanted more than anything for her to be happy and safe. He wanted her to know joy and peace, a life that she had been deprived of, more than he wanted her with him.
X X X
AUTHOR NOTE:
Swanna: *Ducks garbage and frying pans thrown her way* Guys, let's be reasonable here…
Readers: Why did you make Asuna leave?!
Swanna: It's necessary for the plot…
Readers: When are they going to be back together?!
Swanna: That is to be determined…
Readers: *Throw daggers and hatchets at Swanna*
Swanna: *Runs off stage*
Haha! Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. There were many heartbreaking moments and we also get to know more about Asuna's past too. I even had a lot of Asuna and Hijikata interactions to make up for their separation, so all is forgiven, right? LOL! See you all next time!