"So Lana getting out today." Ray said
"Really," Pam said as she and ray were sitting on the couch of the agency "I wonder if her time behind bar change her, possibly a smoker now, Possibly open to my idea about a three-way."
"What?"
"What," Pam said defensively "What did I say?"
"Oh never mind, personally I'm hoping she hold off beating Archer for the right time, i need to win the office potluck, though fat chance of that since he decided to tell her about his decision to send his daughter to public school." Ray sighed.
"Personally I agree with Archer sending her to public school. Considering how private school(s) molded him to be like that. Not to mention the fact if you consider both Krieger and Cheryl also went to private school... well i think their actions speak for themselves" Pam said gesturing to the other room where Cheryl was sniffing glue and Krieger arguing with his virtual girlfriend again.
"Okay I see your point about private school." Ray admitted "But still you know Lana going to be pissed when she get out of there."
"Why do you think he told her earlier when there's a thick glass and a bunch of guards between them." Pam said
"Also good point." Ray said
"I'm just surprise they let her out so early, especially with Shapiro vowing for her. I mean i get he a lawyer but what with his poor decision making and how he probably still mad we poison his dogs, i was positive that she would have been stuck for at least a month."
"You would think so, except for one thing." Ray stated "Apparently this headmaster gets at least thirty to forty mothers barging in on him at all hours a year trying to get their kids into his fancy school! Some of them have actually broken into his house!"
"Okay, I get why he was freaked but still," Pam frowned. "All she was doing was giving him some pastries. She didn't even break in!"
"Welcome to LA..." Ray sighed. "Now you know why I wear my glove all the time..." They could hear people arguing as they enter the office "Well looks like they got back quicker then i thought."
"Welcome back Lana is the New Black!" Pam called out.
"Hey guys..." Lana sighed "You can't believe some of the things that happen to me in that place."
"Oh relax Lana!" Archer barked. "You weren't even in there for three days! You'd been imprisoned longer in actual dungeons with worse accommodations! Heck i know for a fact that California law says prison workers will no longer be allowed to have sex with inmates."
"That's a thing?" Pam said
"Apparently." Archer shrugged
"Okay admittedly it wasn't all bad..." Lana admitted. "Especially when the other inmates found out what I was in for. Did you know there's an actual prison gang of mothers who broke into that guy's house to get their kids into that school?"
"Told you," Ray said to Pam.
"Let me guess," Pam spoke up. "They were all white and were thrilled they had a big black woman in their club?"
"It didn't hurt," Lana shrugged.
"I can't believe you were arrested!" Mallory snapped. "The shame of it all!"
"Said the woman arrested for treason," Lana gave her a look.
"Oh right," Mallory frowned. "Though technically it was fake being arrested for treason..."
"So you could illegally sell cocaine for the CIA." Lana said
"Which middle-middle-middle landed you blacklisted." Ray added
"Details." Mallory waved her hands dismissively. "Point is I wasn't technically arrested for treason, you though got arrested for breaking and entering while carrying a gun on your person instead of leaving it in your car."
"Okay now that slightly makes more sense why she got send to jail instead of getting a fine for stalking." Pam stated.
"Don't pin all this on me Mallory! I wouldn't have been there in the first place if you hadn't blown the interview!" Lana said
"How is this my fault?" Mallory asked defensively
"Besides insulting the headmaster with your racist attitude?" Archer pointed out.
"I was just confused about the whole exclusivity thing..."
"That joke you made about the Irish Priest and the rabbi at the beginning didn't exactly help!" Lana snapped
"I was just trying to lighten the mood!" Mallory stated
"You didn't!"
"If anything Mother you weighed the mood down with a pair of cement shoes!" Archer added
"Sinking AJ's career path with it..." Lana sighed
"Not necessarily, if Sterling's friend Ivy is on the board." Mallory said
Archer hissed as he tentatively said "No... see he's dead. He sort of killed himself... by trying to kill me too by driving over a cliff..."
"WHAT!?" Lana shouted
"Sterling Mallory Archer what did you do now?" Mallory angrily asked
"Funny story..."
30 minutes later
"So basically you got involved in murder plot, robbed and destroyed a house and saw more evidence of the Longwater thing but didn't get it?" Mallory said
"That last part was Cyril's fault!"
"You let Cyril go get evidence?" Lana asked incredulously.
"I didn't know their was even evidence, especially from that case. If i did, i would've grabbed it, instead of procuring the escape car and forcing Cyril getting the money." Archer said defensively.
"We're lucky he got any money at all! Sterling how could you be so careless?" Mallory asked annoyed
"Do you mean that rhetorically or..."
"That reminds me, there's something I forgot to tell you when you visited me in prison." Lana said
"Really What?" Archer asked curiously
"THIS!" Lana roared as she tackled Archer and started to seriously lay on the smackdown.
"OW! Lana cut it- YOW!" Archer grunted in pain
"Ugh..." Mallory said as she took a seat, she then notice Pam and Ray "You two are still here? I thought you quietly left when i didn't heard a statler and waldorf routine"
"What can we say, it was a interesting story." Pam said
"Plus i needed to wait to see if the beatdown was coming or not. Guess who won the office potluck." Ray said happily.
"Sigh, someone take me away from this stupidity." Mallory grunted, unaware of a small listening device in the office.
"Oh don't worry Mallory..." A mechanical voice said snidely. "I'll take you away soon enough. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COUGH KAFF." the voice stopped as it started coughing profusely, though stop as he realize something. "Wait why am i coughing? I don't have lungs, at least i don't think i have lungs, do i have lungs? Other Barry I asked you a question!"