"Okay guys, I know what your thinking, but I swear this time it ain't me." Pam said

"It quite true, Pam didn't need to open her mouth, you were quite sloppy in covering your track." Mallory said taking a sip

"IT WAS ALL THEIR IDEA!" Krieger shouted. "I ONLY FOLLOWED THEM CAUSE I AM WEAK-WILLED!"

"You bloody ass liar." Ray snapped.

"Both of you shut up!" Lana hissed before turning to Mallory "Mallory we really were kidnapped were able to escape and then we found this resort so-"

"Oh please!" Mallory looked at them. "You think you invented the whole: I Got Kidnapped In A Remote Jungle Scam? Len Trexler and I would pull the old Kidnapped At Club Med every other year. And every other year Jackov and I would do it. Until that one year we all did it at the same time at the same club. That was awkward."

"Is that how you got banned for life from Sandals?" Pam asked.

"They tend to frown on gunplay in the bungalows," Mallory sighed. "And by the pool. You should have heard the hissy fit from the manager when the tiki bar caught on fire."

"How the hell did-" Lana stopped herself "No I don't want to know."

"So any last words before i shoot one if not all of you in the kneecaps." Mallory said almost casually.

"Mallory we just needed a break is all, you know." Lana said

"You need a break?" Mallory snapped. "I'm the one who literally spent three years of my life at Sterling's bedside!"

"Literally more like two and a quarter," Cheryl corrected.

Mallory ignored her. "And does Sterling thank me for my selflessness? NO! And to add insult to injury I have to pay his never-ending stream of valets! I thought Sterling's medical expenses were astronomical! Compared to what I have to pay to those agencies it's a pittance!"

"Still suing you huh?" Pam asked as she sipped a margarita.

"Where did you get that margarita from?" Ray asked

"Not now, thirsty." Pam said calmly, as she took a sip.

Mallory ignored them as she began to explain "No, I paid them off, but Sterling is now officially blacklisted from every A, B and C list valet slash butler slash servant agency there is this side of Tangiers. Somehow, he also got banned from Home Depot. Something about a complaint about potting soil."

"I can see that happening," Krieger nodded as he drank a glass of champaigne causing Ray to do a double-take.

"I miss the hospital, I got all the gossip I wanted. The doctors feared me as I was the devil. Nurses, well I won't say love, but I like to think they approve of my more... beneficial for them methods. I even had free access to the hospital bar." Mallory said

"There no bar in a hospital." Lana said confused as she took his schnapps, Ray started to slowly look around.

"Oh right civilians don't know, disregard my last-"

"Hiyah!"

"OOMPH! a voice grunted

"JOEY!" Lana, Krieger and Pam shouted

"MY WHISKEY!" Cheryl shouted

"What, you know this thing?" Ray asked confused

"It's Krieger invisible man experiment." Mallory sighed

"I don't remember an invisible man." Ray said confused

"You were sick that week, honestly it was pretty tame as the invisible man turn out to be asexual." Mallory commented

"Well I wasn't going to make an invisible who WASN'T asexual, I ain't that crazy to see the proverbial sexual lawsuit." Krieger said

"I was wondering where he went. Guess he found a job at this place." Mallory said

"He makes a great attraction for his appearing, disappearing drinks." Pam sniffed.

"Alright quit whining, I'm giving you a choice. Either stay at this resorts and get your kneecaps shot, or go to the cheap one on the other side full of termite while I enjoy this paradise." Mallory said

"We don't have a choice here do we?" Lana asked with a sigh.

"Nope!" Mallory said, everyone groaned as they walked away.

"Jokes on her," Ray whispered to Lana "She forgot to ask for the money we saved on the discount for being friends with the invisible man."

I want to thank in advance Red Witch for providing scenes for this fanfic.