Part-Time Beta Reader and Casual Co-Writer: Waffle (Thank you for being the bestest!)
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Kiss Of Snow
By: Swanna
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Chapter 33: The Power Of Vulnerability
The sound of birdsong and the glow of morning light slowly roused Hijikata from his restless slumber. He had flitted in and out of sleep throughout the night as his vivid imagination of what could have been battled with his sanity, as it always did. Or rather, as it had always been since the day he'd given free rein to his feelings and responded to the dawning of desire for the woman who was meant to be his. Feelings that refused to be smothered as it ate him up while he tried to contain it all inside. He reached out a hand for her and felt...nothing but cool bedding.
He didn't bother to verify what he already knew. He was alone in his quarters. She had left him. Yet the echoes of her sweet, evocative scent still hung in the air in a silent rebellion, maddening him until he couldn't keep his eyes closed without it grazing his senses like a fleeting silken touch; beckoning him back to drown in it.
Furious with himself for his lack of control, he rolled over onto his back and forced his eyes open despite the searing pain in his head. After last night's events and half the mindless things that had ran from his mouth like the damned fool he was, he could hardly blame her for leaving.
She had surprised him though. More than surprised him, he thought as he laid staring at the ceiling. He'd expected her to push him off at the last moment, to run away and torture him with deafening silence again. But she had remained frozen and even allowed herself to become pliant in his arm, deluding him with false hopes.
"Demon," Hijikata whispered under his breath.
And that yukata. One tug and the sash would've come apart and revealed the smooth paleness of her skin. He then would have stroked her, tasted her. Simply touching her and holding her had driven him half crazy...but it had been a night he'd never forget and he would've cut down anyone who had dared to interrupt them.
His own words soon began to play through his head. Drunk and impulsive or not, he hadn't lied. He was prepared to suffer for her. In fact, he was prepared to do a hell of a lot of things for her even though he instinctively knew what she needed right now wasn't a commitment with the possibility of permanence on his part. It was much too soon and he would only risk scaring off even the most resilient of women. And Asuna...
Asuna pretended to be a woman who could take whatever life threw at her and toss it right back. But he had seen the vulnerability that she attempted so very hard to hide from him - a man who was accustomed to gauging an opponent's weaknesses and ruthlessly exploiting them.
Her worldly icy façade had cracked a little when she rescued a kitten and prevented it from freezing to death the previous winter. It had cracked more when she'd given her blood to save Sannan's arm, and again when she had offered to be Chizuru's mentor for what he would guess was the first time in her life. And finally it had split wide open in the dead of night when he'd cradled her in his arms, while she had clutched at him like a lifeline and used his presence to help her push back her nightmares. The very same night he realized she had given him a gift. A piece of her past and the emotions attached to it that she'd never shown to another.
What Asuna needed, truly needed, was a reason to believe. She needed to know she was safe with him, a human, in every way. Only when she knew it was safe to trust him would she believe his words of promise to be true. And maybe then she could accept what he was offering.
Trust. It was such a little word, but it meant everything.
As far as Hijikata could judge from her reactions last night - her reactions to him, she no longer seemed so wary of him. But even after all that had passed, did she trust him enough to give herself to him without fear of stepping into the unknown?
The burning question felt like a punch to the gut. Not because of the question itself, but because he knew Asuna would never allow herself to answer it. And yet he didn't want to show her how desperate he was to pin her down for an answer, nor did he want to hear that response if it wasn't what he was hoping for. Though if that were the case, he would rather hear the truth from her instead of what he wanted to hear. It would sting, but he was sure it would sting far less than the feeling that he was being told something out of pity, not out of honesty.
As if she has ever taken pity on me, he mused silently with a soft scoff.
Hijikata ground his fingertips into his temples to ease the insistent, escalating throb of a headache that was starting. His stomach ached too. Though he welcomed the pain, knowing it would distract him from brooding over Asuna and his hip-deep rumination of their relationship. Thinking himself to a standstill was not going to get him out of this twisted mess of complications. But when he stopped thinking about her, he then instead became mired with the thoughts of all that had taken place this past week. To say that he was feeling haggard at the moment was putting it mildly.
Several more head-splitting moments slipped by, before he felt that he'd waited long enough for his mind to settle and oriented himself in preparation for the day ahead. There was only one thought that now prevailed and kept his bad temper from rising into a full-on rage – finish the job. It had to be done, even though he knew perfectly well what the upcoming end of their deception would mean.
He got up and dressed appropriately, knowing that they would be seeing off the Shogun momentarily. As he put the finishing touches on his obi and smoothed out his kimono along with his rumpled emotions, he made his way down the halls of the headquarters and towards the courtyard. The sounds of footsteps and the clamour of voices were drawing nearer.
"Kondou, thank you for allowing us to take up residence at your headquarters under the protection of the Shinsengumi these past few days," said the Shogun with a courteous grin that matched Kondou's.
Their Commander made a low, formal bow. "You're welcome, Tokugawa-sama. And with your permission, we would like to escort you on your journey back to Edo Castle. We can ensure that there will be no hindrances to your trip along the way."
"We will be fine. My Captain of the Guard and a small group of soldiers in disguise are waiting for me outside the compound. I will have their protection until I arrive at Nijo Castle," the Shogun answered reassuringly while standing straight and tall, the very portrait of a notable diplomat and royalty.
"You're not returning to Edo?"
"Not yet as there has been a change of plans. The military officials are waiting to regroup with me to further discuss a classified operation in closed sessions and determine a new course of action."
"I see," was Kondou's simple response, one that was accompanied by a small nod of his head.
After all, it wasn't their place to pry into military affairs and secrets that weren't meant for them to know. They were samurai and to ask questions while being fully aware that they had no right to the answers would be treading on dangerous ground. Their Commander understood the circumstances. He was good that way.
"It all depends on the flow of the discussion and the duration of my stay," the Shogun continued after a short contemplative pause. "Should the occasion arise, I may then need to rely upon the Shinsengumi's assistance once more for official protection this time."
"It would be our honor, my lord."
"Tokugawa-sama," all eyes turned to Hijikata as he approached and stepped into the conversation. "Please at least allow Saito and Inoue to escort you and keep you safe until you reach Nijo Castle. Aside from protecting your privacy, we have a responsibility to take extra precautions to ensure your safety as well."
This man may have caused no small amount of turmoil within these walls, but he was still the Shogun and the Shinsengumi were honor-bound to provide him the best protection.
"Very well, if you both must insist," he conceded in acquiescence, much to their relief.
"Your safety and security are our top priority, my lord." Kondou at least projected the outward amiability and goodwill that Hijikata struggled to reach for at the moment himself.
With the necessary arrangements swiftly falling into place, his eyes were already searching for the woman who currently held his thoughts hostage day and night. It should've been impossible for such distractions to take root and grow in him, especially given how he'd always put his cause and calling above his own personal needs. But this distraction was something he could no longer evade or ignore. It wasn't something he could control anymore, even if his life depended on it.
Hijikata's sight locked on Asuna the instant he'd spotted her in between the brat of a prince and Souji. Exiting the conversation as quickly as he had entered it, he gave a small bow before walking over to join them. He had no idea why he halted a few steps from her. Whatever he had wanted to say was wiped from his mind by the jolt that rocked him at the single cool glance she deigned to throw his way. Conscious he was fixated on the pulse at the side of her neck, so delicate and kissable, he forced his attention back to meet her eyes only to realize she had already looked away.
Just as he reached them, he heard Souji say blithely, "Take care of yourself, Prince Iesato. Try not to miss me too much. You can write to me if you're lonely and bored with nothing to do."
"Do you think I have so little real entertainment and so much free time on my hands that I would feel the need to write to you?" The prince's expression was serious but otherwise without annoyance nor bite in his tone.
It was obvious to Hijikata that there was some underlying personal story here that he wasn't party to, though it didn't strike him as odd. Souji enjoyed spending time with kids and he was always sincere in his dealings with them. He'd once said they had a way of making him feel relaxed and unguarded. Particularly when they acted naturally and didn't judge others by their appearance or accomplishments.
"Children look at you for the real you. Either they will like you or they will be cautious around you."
That was what he had told him. And with Souji, all the kids were comfortable around him – unlike with Hijikata, whom they only viewed as something of an oddity; a demon with horns and a forked tongue spawned straight from hell.
But right now he wasn't interested in all that. His interest was firmly focused on Asuna, whose indifference was nearly pushing him to the brink. He'd thought at the very least after what they'd shared, she would be a bit more agreeable and responsive to his presence. Instead, she continued to be closed off and now even refused to hold his gaze for more than mere seconds. At that thought he sucked in a sharp breath as he felt his anger mounting again. She was still nowhere near where he wanted her to be.
"Now, is that any way to treat a friend? I would think that at your age, even you would know that," Souji shot back, lips twitching.
"And you still believe a distinguished, royal prince would lower himself to make friends with a commoner like you?"
"Yes, friend. It was fun getting to know someone who is young and cheeky, rather than one who is tired and old." With his chin tucked in, Souji tilted his head to the side and directed a sly, sidelong glance at Hijikata, earning himself a protracted glare. It was the wrong day to mess with him and push him to the heights of his tolerance and beyond.
"Shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you." A threat which only seemed to roll right off of Souji's toughened hide.
As the Shinsengumi's Vice-Commander, he had enough experience in using the strictest forms of interrogation and torture methods to get a confession out of criminals. He could have easily thought of some extreme ways to make his threats more binding if the prince wasn't standing right there.
From the corner of his eye, Hijikata could see the lift of that mocking eyebrow. "I wasn't even talking about you, Hijikata-san. You may be old, but you're not weak."
The prince intervened. "I guess it's been amusing trading quips with you, old man, even though you were outmatched by a child who is far superior to yourself." This time there was a bite to his tone.
"It's funny how you remember things differently than they really were," he rebuked derisively, despite feeling it was beneath his dignity to trade barbs with a child who barely reached his hip.
"Anyway, you all should try and look after yourselves too. I know how fragile you commoners are, so don't bite off more than you can chew." The prince peered up at him once again with a hint of his old spark. "I'd hate for you to die before our next fight. Next time we meet, I will be the one to get the best of you."
Hijikata made a sound resembling a snort. But it was difficult to maintain his bad mood in the face of such youthful and naïve determination. He had also been a young hothead once upon a time, and he'd been knocked down on his ass more times than he could remember since then.
Before he knew it, his lips were curved into a slow grin as he folded his arms across his chest in an unmistakable gesture of challenge. "Don't make me wait too long."
"I agree with our Vice-Commander, especially when he's not getting any younger, you know."
"Souji." Hijikata's grin quickly became a sneer that could frighten a feral wolf. The man had one foot in his grave already. He just didn't know it yet. One more word from him and Hijikata would be the one to bury him alive.
Completely ignoring Souji's low chuckle, the prince's gaze turned to Asuna and his demeanor shifted entirely. Even his voice grew softer, warmer. "If he ever gets on your nerves like how he got on mine, come find me in Edo. My father and I will make sure he leaves you alone." There was both an earnest promise and an implicit threat in that statement.
That itself was a surprise. Whatever had occurred between the two of them, Asuna had made a distinct impression on the young royal. He clearly held her in esteemed regard. Meanwhile Hijikata was growing tired of his smart mouth. Despite having given the boy a break yesterday, he'd carried that same entrenched attitude even to the day of his departure and it was getting on his last damn nerve.
"Don't trouble yourself, Prince Iesato. She's my fiancée and it is my responsibility to take care of her."
"I'm sure I will be fine," she said to the boy, still refusing to even glance in Hijikata's direction. She would look anywhere but at him. Stubborn will in every fiber of being.
To the prince's credit, no reaction, not a sign of disappointment showed on his face when he motioned for Asuna to bend down to his height. She hesitated, but the indecision was momentary and her curiosity won over. Leaning forward, he planted a kiss on her cheek in one quick movement. She was so startled that she didn't seem to know how to respond except to give him a wide-eyed stare.
"Oh? What has Asuna-chan done to earn your kiss?" Souji made no effort to hide a smirk, watching and waiting for his reaction.
Squirming a little the prince turned so that both men could no longer see as his face flushed a dull red, likely from embarrassment. "And don't worry, I will keep my promise in mind," he told Asuna, who had already recovered and straightened up.
"That is all I expect of you." Asuna's tone was steady, the confusion buried under a wall of frigid ice. Her control was impressive as usual, and it infuriated Hijikata in every possible way. But then again, when had anything ever been easy with this demoness?
"Iesato, it's time to leave now," called the Shogun from a small distance away. They walked over to join the rest of the group waiting at the gate entrance. His gaze then landed squarely on Hijikata and Asuna. "Perhaps you will inform me of the date of your wedding as soon as you know it, so I can send you a gift for your special day."
Hijikata couldn't tell if his sincerity was genuine. He didn't care, either. He was only relieved that they were about to pull off the farce he'd started without much conflict. But if it was an act, Tokugawa Iemochi was one hell of a good actor.
"We will be pleased to do so at the appropriate time, my lord." He bowed once more.
The Shogun's sharp, dark eyes scanned the faces in the courtyard once more, taking his time, before his attention rested on Asuna. And lingered. "I'm sure we'll all meet again one day."
"If ever you should need anything in the future, Tokugawa-sama, the Shinsengumi are at your command," said Kondou as he bowed his head respectfully. Hijikata and the rest of the Captains followed the gesture. Finally, the Shogun's gaze moved on.
"Thank you, Kondou. For everything." Giving a nod of appreciation, he then turned to leave with the prince at his side. His entourage of guards, including Saito and Inoue, fell in behind him as they made their way out of the headquarters and disappeared into the bustling streets outside.
Hijikata continued to stare down the street even after they were out of sight. He thought about the way the prince had glanced back over his shoulder at them several times before hastening away.
"Kids are a real handful these days, aren't they?" He asked sardonically, but of no one in particular. He couldn't say he would miss this child. Children were supposed to be precocious and cheerful. The troublesome prince was anything but that.
"And fearless," added Asuna, the very last person he expected to answer.
Her comment caught Hijikata's attention and he turned to lock eyes with her, the tumultuous thoughts of the early morning rushing back in rapid succession. Her features were still locked firmly in place behind an impassive wall, determined to shut him out.
A timely cough cut into the deadlock between them. "Whether the prince is troublesome or not, at least we know he's taken a liking to you, Asuna-chan. But that doesn't matter to you, does it?"
"No." The single word was flat, unemotionally toneless.
"You're too heartless." Souji gave a small chuckle, followed by a weary sigh. "And here I was counting on Prince Iesato to get a mutiny started too."
A frisson of awareness shot through Hijikata's body and gathered in his eyes as he fixed the man with a piercing glare. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Souji turned towards him, his expression one of blank innocence, polished and prepared. "Hmm? I will leave that to your imagination."
But that hint of a wolfish smile told Hijikata all he needed to know. Okita Souji had been up to something. Again. Had he been plotting against him? And if so, what the hell had he done this time? Had the prince been involved in this scheme too? Questions immediately tumbled through his mind as he tried to make sense of his suspicions, until another voice distracted his thoughts.
"At last we can finally breathe a sigh of relief now that the Shogun has left. The whole thing gave me so much anxiety that I was losing sleep over it." Shinpachi exhaled deeply, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
"You're not the only one who needs some proper sleep." Sanosuke yawned and stretched an arm behind his head.
Although Hijikata didn't say anything, he could resonate with that feeling. Even if the Shogun hadn't discerned their lies, keeping up this deception one day longer than necessary would've scalded him to the bone. Especially after what had happened between him and Asuna last night.
"Don't be too relieved yet. Not until the Shogun is safely back in Edo." For whatever reason there may be that was keeping him here on Kyoto grounds, eventually he may need the Shinsengumi to protect him again. Even if it was from the very people who had sworn their lives and loyalty to him.
Kondou nodded his assent. "Toshi is right, we aren't ready to let down our guard just yet. Let us hope Tokugawa-sama won't run into trouble on his journey ahead."
"I thought you would say that. That's why I sent Yamazaki to deliver a message to Sannan-san and asked them to accompany the Shogun on his way back to Edo instead of returning to headquarters." Hijikata heaved a sigh and placed his hand on his waist. "At least that was the plan before we found out about the changes."
"That's a great idea," their Commander granted. "We need to see through our mission to the end as best we can."
Now that they had this big hurdle behind them, they were all feeling exhilaration coupled with relief. They were back to themselves again - joking, laughing and making fun of each other's most embarrassing moments in front of the Shogun, discussing the tensions that were fit to burst this past week. However, Hijikata was having a hard time following their conversation. Kondou and Sanosuke were also glancing over from time to time, and he knew they were aware that something was wrong. How could they not be? He wore the evidence of it on his face.
"I must say though, Hijikata-san, you both did a pretty good job at pulling off this ruse without leaving any loose ends. And I think our triumph deserves a celebration! What do you all think?" Shinpachi grinned from ear to ear, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. If the man only knew what was happening beneath the surface of the situation, he would've understood just what a grinding test of endurance it had been.
"I think that sounds like an excuse to drink some more booze," Sanosuke commented, flashing him a knowing smirk.
"Since when do I need an excuse? I didn't have enough to drink last night, so I've been thirsty since I woke up this morning!"
"But Sannan-kun and the others aren't back yet," Kondou reminded them.
"That doesn't mean we can't celebrate without them. If anything, Sano and I will just take Heisuke out when he returns from the mission, maybe even twice if I'm feeling generous," Shinpachi countered, already getting in the spirit of the party that he was so sure would be under way.
Hijikata looked warily at the courtyard at large. The last thing he wanted was a repeat of what happened last night when he had partaken in drink.
"That's right, Kondou-san. It's not like Sannan-san and Itou-san ever show real interest in going to places like Shimabara and the other red-light districts as frequently as us anyway," Souji added, seemingly warming to the idea of celebratory drinks as well.
This seemed to pique Asuna's interest. "Shimabara?"
"That's right. It's one of our usual places to work off our...tension." He placed heavy emphasis on the last word, leaving her to figure out what that meant. "Why? Do you want to come along too?"
"I'm meeting with someone at Sumi tonight." Not offering more explanation than necessary as was expected of her personality, the curt answer purposely dismissive to put an end to the conversation. But it had only succeeded in getting Souji to turn his full attention back to her in a very obvious way.
"Are you meeting with Osen-chan for a little talk between girls? That's her name, right? Chizuru-chan calls her that." The playful curve of his lips, the frisky glint in his eyes were all signs of him regarding her with open, if somewhat teasing, admiration.
Much to his chagrin, Shinpachi cut in on him before he could prompt any kind of a response out of her. "That's perfect! Why don't we go to Sumi tonight and Asuna, you can join us after you're done?"
"It's been a tough few days for everyone around here, especially for you and Toshi. Tonight is for rest, and we'd be happy if you and Yukimura-kun would join us for food and drinks." It was a gentle request from Kondou, one that Asuna responded to by maintaining a hesitant silence.
She shot Hijikata the fleeting look that he had been waiting for, then turned back to Kondou and went about her business as if he wasn't there. Nobody else could make him feel hotter and angrier all at once with a single glance.
"I will consider it."
X X X
Asuna found Amagiri in the same room as their previous day's meeting at the crowded Sumi. As the dark shroud of a moonless night descended, the close atmosphere of the venue was filled to capacity and swarmed with tourists and those who were obviously residents of the region. The warm scent of mortals, musky with sweat and the remnants of food and alcohol, drifted into the room. Even the instrumental music and laughter were too loud, permeating through the walls and creating a siege of noise that washed over them.
Though Asuna barely took notice of any of it. She concentrated her attention solely on Amagiri's tight features and the intrusive mind-digging stare that came to rest on her.
"The Ancient One has confirmed that you are innocent of the indictment that concerns you. You're free to go anywhere you wish and at any time now," he said with a small bow. When his gaze returned to meet hers, he seemingly caught her questioning look and asked, "Do you have a question for me?"
"Yes." She couldn't let him leave without asking the question that had been preying on her mind. Her curiosity was therefore at its peak and swept away any hesitation. "If you and The Ancient Ones suspected me of Mitsuru's death then why did you let me roam around Kyoto freely without supervision?"
The Ancient Ones weren't known for their benevolence – if it could be called that - even when it came to their own race. This was especially true when it involved the murders of fellow demons, since their numbers were already sparse enough. They had no trouble deciding who lived or died.
"Senhime provided her name and reputation as bond for your cooperation during the trial and in exchange for your freedom in the meantime," explained Amagiri, confirming her suspicion.
The revelation wasn't completely unexpected or incomprehensible to Asuna, but it was an unwelcome one. Senhime's sense of obligation was an unbendable rod of steel, a part of who she was. Oddly enough, as much as Asuna understood her reasons for meddling in what didn't concern her, she couldn't accept it. She didn't want Senhime or anybody else to do anything for her. Not for her. The closer they got to her, the more she could hurt them.
What she wasn't prepared for though, was what Amagiri said next. "Kazama also gave us his assurance of your character and promised to personally retrieve you by force if necessary, in the event of your unexplained and unexpected disappearance."
There was an indescribable feeling festering beneath her composed exterior, as if something was tugging at her from the inside. Displaying strength, power and vitality for all to see and fear might be second nature to demons, but they wouldn't do it for just anyone. Only those with blood ties, clan members and mates with privileges were entitled to that protection whether they wanted it or not. Asuna fit none of those descriptions, and she had also openly humiliated him in front of other demons. Yet in the face of her constant rejections, Kazama resolved once again to have more to do with her.
"What is it about you that made both Senhime-sama and Kazama Chikage feel so smitten that they would do nearly anything for you?"
Remembering the confrontation between her and Kimigiku yesterday, Asuna had finally understood the full meaning of that baleful question.
But however complicated things had become, it was valid to say that she had owed them both more than once, and it was a debt that she would requite one way or another. Though none of this was something Amagiri needed to know so she simply gave him a curt nod and left.
"Wait. There's one more thing." Asuna stopped at the door and turned back to him. "He has a message he wanted me to give you."
It was easy to assume Amagiri was referring to The Ancient One, as she knew Kazama would not have hesitated to seek her out and deliver his message personally.
"He wanted me to tell you that the world has no place for a demon warring against herself."
The comment raised her ire. Which, she realized, was precisely the result The Ancient One had intended. Demon blood may have coursed through her veins, but she owed no allegiance to anyone except herself. And having known that her skin crawled at the mere idea of giving another demon any kind of control over her, it only made him want to dominate her even more.
The merciless reality was that he had truly seen her. He had discovered the things she had done and what she would do, what she wanted to do. And with his intimate knowledge of her innermost guarded thoughts and self, he knew exactly how to antagonize her without him even seeming to try. All she needed now was a spring of opportunity, then blood would spread across her skin once more - just as he knew it would have.
"Tell him anything is better than being The Ancient Ones' compliant pet," Asuna replied coldly with a distasteful glare after a short silence. It took a great effort to extinguish the power from her fury. Even now, the air was staining blood-red with anger.
Amagiri was too much of a levelheaded demon to take offense at that comment, those calm blue eyes didn't so much as narrow. He was fully intent on diffusing her hostility. "I will tell him, but are you sure you're ready to become an enemy of The Ancient Ones yourself? The mistakes you made don't go unnoticed by them and they are not pushed aside, either."
She halted, her vision glazing over at his question, but she held on to her humanity. "Are you trying to tell me that it's my choice to receive their forgiveness?"
His eyes gleamed. "If you're not standing with them, then you are against them. Which is not a place you'd want to be."
"Fear is not one of my weaknesses, in case you hadn't noticed. So what could I possibly risk when I have nothing to lose?" It wasn't a threat. Not yet.
And the truth was she'd already lost all that had mattered to her in what was a lifetime ago. When there was nothing to lose then there was nothing to fear, including death. And death was inevitable, even for demons. It was a necessary part of existence for all life and she had lived hers for far too long.
X X X
Amagiri's words wouldn't leave her alone. She had involuntarily let The Ancient One into her mind, and now he was twisting it into a tense knot with a few mere words. She'd proven her innocence, but it had come at a cost. It had left her naked. Vulnerable and exposed and naked. Before Asuna was aware of it, her fangs were peeking below her top lip. Her tongue darted out as she licked her own blood that had been drawn from her bottom lip.
In an almost haze of disconnected thoughts, she found herself strolling into the hallway and towards the exit. But halfway there, she ran into Chizuru and Sanosuke.
"Shinohara-san! There you are. We've been looking for you." She heard Chizuru exclaim with a genuine smile in her voice, it left her depleted and inarticulate. Even on her best day, she could never hope to match this young demoness's warmth that was akin to the sun breaking through dark clouds.
Feeling as if quicksand was shifting beneath her feet, Asuna took a step back and away from her. "I won't be joining you tonight."
It was an attempt to ward off any further conversation as she needed to keep a safe distance from the others. Because she understood on an instinctive level what would become of herself if she was unable to maintain control - the monster from within would come clawing to the surface. And right now, she was hanging on to her sanity by a thread.
"There's no time to explain." Sanosuke firmly grabbed her forearm, urgency lacing his tone. "Just come with us."
Beside her, Chizuru was nodding her head as if to tell Asuna to go with them. She didn't understand, but chose not to question their actions and allowed them to lead her down the hall without a word or resistance. Turning a corner, they came to another room with the screen door left slightly ajar. The moment she took a step into the room, she saw a woman dressed in an elaborate lilac silk kimono with lavish hair ornaments sitting next to Hijikata.
Asuna stilled, every sense flaring. This wasn't just any woman, she thought as her mind spun emptily for a few stunned seconds. This was Kimigiku.
"Oh! You guys found Asuna!" Shinpachi called out.
Kimigiku finally looked up. Penetrating purple eyes pinned Asuna to the spot and her lips twisted into a smile that wasn't quite a smile. Even from a small distance she was emanating demonic aura so strong that it became more imposing, more immense as it was apparent. But it was far too late to back away now without appearing weaker and submitting to the other, nor did she want to. Schooling her expression to one of blank neutrality, Asuna walked further into the room to seat herself next to Souji, never once breaking eye contact.
"We sure did." Sanosuke shut the door behind Chizuru as they entered. He then took one look at the bottle in Shinpachi's hand and his face fell. "Hey, did you start drinking without me?"
His friend laughed at his overexuberance. "You took too long looking for Asuna. I needed the booze to warm my belly and calm my nerves."
"Your problem probably has more to do with your brain than anything else," Sanosuke retorted with heavy sarcasm.
"Huh?! Why would you say something like that? What are you getting at?! Are you picking a fight?!" Shinpachi's reaction, aided by a healthy dose of alcohol, quickly turned around at the remark.
"I'm not picking a fight. Are you picking a fight with me?"
"Don't challenge me, Sano! You know you can't win against me!"
"Words are cheap. Let's settle this like mature adults over booze. Man-to-man. So, what do you say?" Sanosuke held up his fist in challenge as they huddled closer together.
"Here they go again," Souji said, sipping the sake and watching them over the rim of his cup.
A timid smile tipped the corners of Chizuru's mouth at the two Shinsengumi Captains' rowdy behavior. With a pause, she quickly surveyed the faces in the room before turning her attention back to Souji. "By the way, where did Kondou-san go?"
"He left already, saying he was feeling tired and needed to go back to rest."
"I see." Chizuru's shoulders dropped in what Asuna thought was disappointment, a sentiment she could not understand.
They were mortals. No matter how much trust Chizuru placed in Kondou and the others, she was still an outsider. In spite of the kindness and respect he had shown her, she still stood a chance of becoming the enemy one day. Even if that one day was far away, only pain and grief awaited her if she gave more of herself and became too close to anyone. Much less mortals that she would outlive in the blink of an eye.
"I don't care what you guys do, just don't break curfew," Hijikata said gruffly, eyeing his Captains with a critical stare.
Although Asuna couldn't tell what he was thinking, she could hear his agitation in the way he kept each word short and precise. But if it was about her, then she was certain it would not meet with her approval. And right now wasn't the time to be concerned about him or his particular needs and wants. Not when a very specific pair of purple eyes were still watching her every move in amusement.
This was precisely the reason why she couldn't allow herself to get close to these mortals. Given her present state of mind, she could turn into her demon form right before them and run Kimigiku through for looking at her the wrong way. Or worse, become so ensnared in that woman's wiles that Asuna let her guard down. She didn't trust what she might do once she gave in to the much more primal mindset of a demon. Therefore it was imperative for her to suppress her emotions, which afforded her a measure of control and not give way to the chaotic storm for her own fury.
"Hah? Hijikata-san, why are you talking about curfew when you should be drinking with us?" Shinpachi's question intruded into her thoughts.
"I'm not in the mood to drink." His answer sounded more like grudging wariness than anything else, possibly after remembering his actions the previous night. "I can clearly see you both are, though."
"We're always in the mood for good sake."
Although his annoyance hadn't faded, his lips were pulled into a grin of his own at Sanosuke's reply. "Whatever gets you through the night."
"Well, it's been a really rough few days in more ways than one. The engagement and the Sho-" The rest of Shinpachi's words were cut off in a yelp of pain as a hard blow struck his side. His head snapped towards his assailant. "Why you keep hitting me in my ribs?! My bones are about to break like twigs!"
"I will stop hitting you if you'd stop opening your big mouth," Sanosuke muttered with a certain tone of protest as he raised the cup to his lips and swallowed the fiery liquid in a single gulp.
Meanwhile Asuna picked up a seaweed-rolled sushi with the pair of chopsticks and ate in silence. It gave her hand and her mind something to do. She didn't expect the punch of flavor that came from the crisp and crunchy cucumber, combined with sweet-sour vinegar dressed rice. However, her focus wasn't on the taste of the food, but instead on the weight of the men's stares. Their need for discretion was understandable given the nature of the ordeal. It was intended to keep the truth from leaking out and traveling back to the ears of the Shogun. The less people who knew about it, the better. Because some secrets never needed to be repeated.
"The Shinsengumi sure have a lot of secrets, don't they?" Kimigiku drawled, her voice low and ingratiating. There was something sly and invasive about those words, as if she had crawled into Asuna's skull and picking up on her thoughts.
"Why would you say that?" Sanosuke asked casually, even though he was clearly uncomfortable with the woman's observation. Her deliberate inquisition was a little too close to the truth.
"I'm right, aren't I?"
"Everyone has secrets. I'm sure you do, too." Hijikata's glare was ferocious, blazing. Yet his intimidation failed to rattle a demoness like Kimigiku.
She giggled at his expression, her stout attempt at being overtly flirtatious and the confidence in her body language was recognizable by any female from a distance away. "Perhaps. But I don't guard them as well as you."
"You know Kimigiku-san, you've done nothing but pay all your attention to our Vice-Commander since you walked in the room. Some of us other Captains are getting a bit lonely over here." Propping an arm on top of his knee and letting the cup dangle from his lean fingers, Souji smiled at her. It was an inviting smile that he was confident would break her. Asuna had seen the way human females threw themselves at him in the streets after being on the receiving end of that smile.
"Have I? That certainly wasn't intentional." The comment only seemed to feed her catlike coyness. "I'll be sure everyone here receives my undivided attention by the end of the night."
"That's great to hear. Hijikata-san has been unusually tense lately," Shinpachi added, not knowing what he was instigating. "Maybe you can help relieve some of his tension!"
When Hijikata shot the man a warning frown to underline his reprimand, another soft giggle escaped the demoness. Asuna simply averted her gaze and pretended not to take notice of them and concentrate on her meal, just as Hijikata was pretending to focus upon his. But from her peripheral vision she caught him continuing to throw heated glances her way, as he had been doing throughout the day and into the evening.
It didn't surprise Asuna that he was still driven to seek her out after everything she'd made him go through last night. Her rebuffs should have bruised his feelings for her, they should have bruised him severely, and even she wasn't so naïve to think they'd disappear just because the man wanted them gone. Perhaps she should have felt some softer emotion for him. Maybe even pity, because he was asking for something she couldn't give, would never be able to give.
And if she was reading him right - no matter what she said or did, no matter how bad she hurt him, he was as determined as she was. Hijikata wanted her, and nothing would make him change his mind. Furthermore, he'd been stubbornly unequivocal that their single kiss hadn't been a mistake.
However, Asuna too, wasn't a woman who made decisions lightly. And she had made one to move on after last night.
"Is that right?" Kimigiku bit her lip, an action to draw Hijikata's eyes there and rivet him. She then whispered in a volume everyone would undoubtedly overhear, knowing full well it would add to the turmoil of speculation. "We can't have that now, can we?"
But she didn't stop there. Leaning in closer, her lips turned up in a smile that seemed just for him and – dropping her voice low enough to skate under even the most acute hearing, except for demons – said, "And I think I like your scent too. It's so...sweet, I want to taste it to see if it's anywhere near as good as you smell. Bite...I want to bite you."
Kimigiku's earlier intent seemed to have solidified into stone. But in spite of everything, including how she felt her pulse quicken at the proclamation, Asuna told herself that she did not care. She had no claim on Hijikata Toshizou. And he could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted. If offering his blood to another demoness was what he wanted, that would be his business and she wouldn't stop him. Aside from the fact that this woman grated on her nerves, there was nothing wrong with Kimigiku. Not to mention Asuna's nerves had already been shredded previously in the private room a few minutes ago. As for Kimigiku, she was a demoness as sensual and uninhibited as nature itself, and she would make a perfect partner in pleasur-
Crack!
Everyone froze. The cracking of the utensils, falling as it did into the deep pool of silence, startled Asuna out of her reverie. Blinking, she glanced down at the chopsticks that were snapped in half in her hand, split at the midpoint. A ghastly stifling sensation overcame her as she felt all eyes on her. The full impact of this night's events finally struck her. Right then and there, she knew she had to leave.
"Shinohara-san, where are you going?" Chizuru asked in alarm when Asuna abruptly rose from her position.
"I'm not feeling well so I will return to the headquarters first," she answered without looking at anyone, her voice as tight as the grip of her fists now.
With her self-control compromised, Asuna stormed out of the room, ignoring the worried glimpses the group tossed at each other and Chizuru's voice calling after her. She had to get out of here, find some way to regain control over the violence of her emotions, burn off the fury until she was in no danger of using her demonic abilities to spill blood. She only hoped she made it inside the walls of her quarters before the dark hunger became too much, before it destroyed her from the inside out.
X X X
AUTHOR NOTE:
Happy holidays, folks! I can't believe I finished this chapter just in the nick of time right before the end of 2021! Well, I actually could've included two other scenes but it was getting too long so I decided to split the chapter – sorry!
Anyway, I really want to take this time to express my gratitude. Looking back, this story has been steadily earning enormous support as well as many lovely comments (Astrid Claire, Waltzing Muse, Angelblueeyes21, KingCat48, Samara Yukimura, Guests) throughout this year since I returned from my hiatus. All of this means the world to me, especially when I wrote this story on a whim years ago as an act of self-indulgence. And it's not because of the stats, but more so that I know there are people out there reading my creation and sharing my enjoyment. So I want to sincerely thank each and every one of you for all your support – yes, you included, silent readers lol!
Last but not least, a big thank you to my Beta-Reader, Waffle. As much as I hate to admit this (or anything, actually lol), you're right. You do make this story better and I cannot thank you enough for all the hours you've spent editing this story that you're so, very addicted to. You know I appreciate you as always! 3
Phew! This is probably the longest A/N I wrote, but I can't help it since I'm feeling emotional, haha! And if you're still with me then I want to wish you and your family another blissful year ahead! May the New Year bring you all joy, peace, health and prosperity! See you in 2022!