Part-Time Beta Reader and Casual Co-Writer: Waffle (Thank you for being the bestest!)
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Kiss Of Snow
By: Swanna
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Chapter 34: Falling, Fallen
By all the gods, she made him so angry.
Scowling fiercely, Hijikata rushed through the corridor and nearly collided with two men when he rounded the corner. As they regained their footings one of them opened his mouth to demur, but Hijikata shot him a livid look that made the man's jaws snap shut like a trap. Dropping their eyes from his stare, they quickly sidestepped out of his way and clung against the wall until he was past them. Hijikata ignored them and hurried on, overpowered by a furious need to catch up with Asuna, grab her arm and pull her around so he could see her face. He was a fool for always chasing after her.
At first he'd thought she was only attempting to hold up her defensive wall and shield herself from what he'd made her feel last night, the potency of her enshrouding emotions giving rise to her usual icy aloofness. However, the strained look on her face and the stiffness in her movements from earlier told him it wasn't as simple as that. And if she hadn't been a demon, he'd have said there was even a twinge of panic in her eyes. Something was wrong. Of course, the worst possible scenario immediately sprung to mind. Did she need blood?
By now, Hijikata understood demons were hunters; their craving for human blood was always with them and could take over at any time. Thinking back on it now, it had been a long time since Asuna had last fed from him properly. The realization struck him like a blow to the head, stunning him into dreadful silence.
If she needed blood, then why hadn't she told him? Why hadn't she come to him? She wouldn't grant him even that small act of trust?
After all this time, she still refused to let him in. He pushed back on the sudden thickness in his chest that constricted his breath at the thought. Yet for all his brashness, despite the blackest marks on his soul, that was one boundary he would not cross. If Asuna wanted to invite him in, she would have to do so of her own free will. He wasn't so arrogant as to rip the scab off some hidden emotional wound without thinking how it might hurt her. He'd already unknowingly done that once. Never again.
And Asuna, he thought with a fierce burst of protectiveness, had been hurt quite enough. He had no intention of adding to her wounds or reopening old scars. He had no right to ask her to return to a nightmare. If the memories were shared in trust, that would be a different matter.
But this was something else. Even if his close proximity unsettled her so much that she'd refuse his help - no matter how desperately she needed it - her all-consuming hunger wasn't something she could get over by herself. They both knew her lack of control could lead to a far more serious outcome. The hell of it was, she knew that too, and still she had allowed herself to cross the line. That angered Hijikata more than anything else. He would be damned if he was going to let her stubbornness get in the way of him helping her. He needed to make sure she was alright and didn't do anything stupid, then he could worry about the rest.
As he came up to the entrance of the building, the humid heat and street noise from the lively night life in Shimabara rolled over him in dark waves. Though none of it impeded his nagging awareness of another presence and the sense that he was being watched. He turned his head to his left, and that was when he noticed Kimigiku had been standing against the wall the entire time waiting for the right moment to ambush him.
Not saying anything he began to stride away, but she took a step to block his path. She blatantly met his eyes then, hers were quite serious; all of her coyness from earlier gone. "I didn't expect the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander to sneak away without a word to me."
Hijikata was getting fed up with her antics, and he no longer cared to dull his words even if she was Senhime's protector. "I wasn't aware that I needed to inform you of my whereabouts," his voice was low, layered with steel. He couldn't quite understand his own hostility, only that he was responding to something this woman was giving off.
There was a trace of a smirk that softened the irritation in her gaze. "You may be rough around the edges, but I thought you were a man of sense. You could at least be courteous and respectful of other people's time. And my time is very valuable."
"Courteous and respectful?" He hurled the response out with virulence, but calmed himself and continued in a steadier tone that told her to back off if she knew what was good for her. "You purposely got in my way and you want to talk to me about respect?"
Kimigiku didn't take the hint, matching Asuna's stance in defiance and coldness. "Don't glare at me as if I'm some thorn in your flesh. Let's face it, we both know I'm only doing you a favor."
Hijikata snorted. He would have found it amusing if he wasn't so damn annoyed. He just wasn't sure if he was more annoyed at himself or at these demon women. "And what exactly is this favor that you think you're granting me?"
"To protect you from failure and prevent your pride from being hurt."
"What the hell are you saying?" He demanded, watching her closely through narrowed eyes.
"Why are you going after a woman who clearly doesn't want you? Her brush-off would only slight your honor further, and no doubt your ego too." The statement was mainly made out of curiosity rather than to judge, he recognized, straight to the facts. There was no censure in her tone, nor disdain or ridicule or any of the other dispositions he had come to expect from her. But still, each remark had cut right through him more than he cared to admit.
The ripping, hollow sensation in Hijikata's gut spread like poison through his bloodstream, and his throat tightened as he tried to pull away from the feeling. He had no comeback for that one. There wasn't a damn thing he could have said to that, either.
Because the brutal truth was, he was also chasing after a woman who never wanted to be caught. Who kept running away with her tail between her legs when things got too intense. He had asked Asuna to be with him, and not only had she spelt out the reality that he had no emotional hold on her, but he'd been rejected with such finality he was still bleeding inside.
All this time he'd lived by a strict set of rules since the establishment of the Shinsengumi. And they existed for a reason, regardless of how much others had mocked him. They were not to be broken because they kept life in order and under control. Whoever believed that life wasn't theirs to control was a bigger idiot than he was. Hijikata believed he could control his life, if he wanted to. Set some boundaries, lay down some rules and routines, and he'd know what was coming next as he planned it that way. But with Asuna, he was always veering off the plan.
Another sharp, lousy reminder of how she impacted him, how she skewed the rules on which he'd built his life. Fate certainly enjoyed sweeping in and knocking his feet out from under him.
"What about you?" He asked grimly instead of responding, his eyes following the movement of Kimigiku's hand as she anchored a loose gold hairpin back neatly in place. "What's your story?"
"What about me?"
"What do you have against Asuna?"
"What makes you think I have anything against her?" She asked as if she was truly puzzled, pulling a perfect demon-straight face even though the amusement still gleamed in her eyes.
"I'm not the idiot you think I am. I can tell you were trying to rile her up back there." Hijikata didn't know what was going on between the two, but there was no mistaking the tension.
"I don't think of you as an idiot. Bullheaded, yes. Arrogant, sure. But an idiot? Never," Kimigiku countered, revealing a new solemness in her demeanor that was meant to convey the truth of her claims. "She and I have our differences. I also don't appreciate her attitude, at least not what I've seen of it so far."
In other words, she had been pitting the strength of her personality against Asuna's. And lost. Although his instinct picked up something more violent and intense than a simple personality clash, he knew when not to press too far and let the matter drop. For the time being.
"Sounds to me like your pride has taken a serious blow too," he retorted callously. Kimigiku knew how to strike where it hurt most, but then so did Hijikata. This was exactly the kind of thing that infuriated these demons and made them fight in seas of blood for the defense of their pride. From the way she thinned her lips, he could tell she was piqued yet determined to be poised about it outwardly. At her silence, he added, "Whatever you have against her, don't get me involved in your petty quarrel. I'm not interested in your games."
He wanted nothing more than to protect Asuna, but this was not something he could make better. He had the feeling that the instant he stepped in, he would negate her power in this battle of wills between her and Kimigiku. Furthermore, Hijikata was also well acquainted with the fact that even if he could take the burden of this fight from Asuna's hands, she would never hand it over willingly and gratefully.
However, if things were to ever get physical and seriously ugly, he'd throw out his tentative peace with any demons without a second thought, whether she liked it or not.
"You don't know what game I'm playing with you." Kimigiku's expression gentled, though her temper was far from soothed. "But I wasn't playing any games when I invited you to my bed tonight. The offer still stands."
He knew that tone of voice. "So that we can commiserate over the loss of our pride and lick each other's wounds? I'm not that desperate for female attention."
Hijikata was not vain, but neither could he play at false modesty and pretend women weren't attracted to him. He had simply never found himself in a situation where the one woman he chose was hellbent on denying him.
"Now perhaps that's a game for another time. What I'm saying is I'm not looking for a permanent relationship and you seem like you've been under a lot of strain. So if you need someone to work off the tension with, I'm more than willing to oblige." Kimigiku closed the distance between them and fitted her tall, voluptuous body to his side; her flashing purple eyes and lush lips were giving him some hotly explicit signals. Tilting her head, she peered up at him with her most beguiling smile, her hands splayed on his chest. "Tempted yet?"
Instead of lunging at the invitation like any man with base desires would've done, Hijikata stared back at her sullenly even though his control was so ragged and weak. He found her beautiful, sensual and intelligent; she was everything anyone could want in a woman. But his mind kept circling back to the warm, luscious presence that had been right beside him all night long.
"Your offer is tempting, but I'm not interested," he said flatly as he removed Kimigiku's hands from him. Though she refused to budge from his side.
"Are you sure this isn't what you want?" Her breasts brushing his chest when she shifted to face him and slid a hand over his abdomen. "You don't need to lie. I can almost taste the desire in your breath."
Hijikata felt his anger rise rapidly within him like a white-hot tide at her infuriating haughtiness. She was trying to use his hunger for touch against him, to test the limits of his self-control. Damn insufferable woman.
He caught her wrist – gripping and squeezing it harder this time - before she could reach him. "I'm a man who can control my urges."
He knew he sounded like an arrogant ass, but he'd answered in as truthful a way as possible. None of this would satisfy his hunger in spite of him being torn apart by his most savage physical needs. Because the need that ravaged him was fiercely specific, it focused only on one woman. A woman who wanted him to vanish from her sight. And he had already known right from the start that even if he could stir up enough interest to spend a wild, exhausting night in the arms of a skilled woman, the moment the raw need passed he would be aching for Asuna all over again.
Kimigiku pulled her hand free. "That has yet to be determined and you don't necessarily have to, either."
Her unswerving insistence in pursuing goals she'd deemed worthy was a clear indication that his hunch was right about their kind. "You demons are sure aggressive about going after what you want."
"There's no need to be humble about it." Kimigiku's face then grew somber, her tone assumed a sharper edge when she spoke again. "Maybe you should rethink your answer, Hijikata. If you walk away from this tonight, I'd never again invite you into my bed."
"My thoughts are fixated on the only one woman who makes my blood boil." And the only woman he would ever want in his bed.
"Can't get much clearer than that." Her assessing gaze swept over him, as though she was trying to examine him from a different angle. "Your loyalty to her is commendable. But where is her loyalty to you? And are you sure she feels the same way about you? From everything I've seen of her, she seems...unenthused."
He didn't need another reminder of what he wanted. Of what he couldn't and shouldn't have. He'd spent the whole morning thinking, and it hadn't done a bit of good. He was as defeated and exasperated as ever.
"So what if she doesn't feel the same way? It doesn't change a damn thing or the way I feel." Hijikata was taken aback to realize he meant it. Every word. Never more sure of anything. "I'm also not a coward who flees in fear of rejection just because the woman I want doesn't want me back."
But Asuna did feel something for him, he was almost sure of it. It might not be love, but he suspected it was as close as she'd ever get to such an emotion in her life. That alone made it worthwhile.
He just needed to find some way through the multitude of obstacles and rules that she'd set to keep her own response to him under vicious control. There was no way in hell she was going to make this easy for him. But he had never wanted easy. He had always wanted Asuna. And if she thought he would just walk away, she'd clearly never known him at all. That wasn't going to happen. He couldn't do that any more than he could refuse to take his next breath.
Kimigiku's eyes flared with a brief moment of surprise before a small smile flitted across her lips. "Too bad you're a human. I hope she's at least halfway aware of what she is missing out on. Though from the looks of it, you're probably closer to breaking through to her than you think."
For an instant, Hijikata wished it was true. But he wasn't going to make the same mistake of thinking Asuna had changed her mind about being with him. He didn't miss the way she'd watched them out of the corner of her eye tonight. Neither did he miss the fact that she had also turned a blind eye to the sight of another woman clinging to him and remained detached, as if she didn't have a care in the world. Sometimes he just wanted to shake her and make her see sense.
At that thought, the rage that was still lodged in his gut rolled up and out to color the air. "You can stand there and believe the nonsense spilling out of your mouth all you want, but I don't have time to listen to your prattle."
Kimigiku giggled into the back of her hand. "A handsome man you might be, but you're a man all the same. Let's just say I know she would have eagerly tipped me off the side of a mountain if she had the opportunity to do so."
"You made your point. We're done here."
"For now." This time she moved out of his path to let him pass without trouble. "You know, I can't say she doesn't deserve it, but you might want to take off your mean face before you go to her."
"She'll just have to deal with it." It came out a near growl. One fact was indisputable: Asuna had made him mad for allowing harm to come to herself. He was so furiously mad it felt like he was breathing fire. And that was how he intended to stay.
Every man had a limit. Hijikata figured he'd gone past his weeks ago.
X X X
Asuna returned to the Shinsengumi headquarters, after making a small detour through the very isolated route at a nearby riverbank with no mortals around. Come to think of it, she could hardly remember making her way there. The time between her leaving the Sumi building and her wandering through the pathways that brought her back here was a blank. It was almost as if she was conscious, and then she wasn't. Things had come and gone. It was all scrambled fragments.
Though her alertness now made her aware of something else – the rage that had been crushing her had dissipated. She couldn't remember how she had defused it, but none of that mattered. She didn't want to remember anything anymore. This decision alone veiled her with another icy layer of control. So much so that by the time she stepped through the gates of the entrance, she was already back in the prison of her mind, back behind the walls she'd learned to put up before she could wield a sword.
The second she entered into the courtyard, Yoshiro came up to her leg purring up a storm, his tail curling around her calves - eager for her to bestow any attention upon him. She picked him up and carried him to the small garden near her quarters. The cat shifted in her arms, looked up with sleepy blue eyes, and purred some more.
Asuna sat down on the garden bench and placed Yoshiro in her lap, ordering herself to concentrate on the softness of the cat's fur as she stroked it. To her right were rows of elegant purple irises and various colors of hydrangea bushes that were in full bloom, nurtured by incessant seasonal rain and sunlight. The garden was thriving in the heat and it should've been a truly beautiful sight to behold on a summer night like this. Except her mind was plagued with memories of Hijikata with Kimigiku.
Affection had whispered between them. And sensuality was the center of that demoness's very being which she saw no need to suppress, natural and heady and almost tangible. Asuna had felt as if she was being suffocated by it when she'd been in the same room as the two of them.
Gritting her teeth, once again she fought the fury that made her a fearsome pureblooded demon, a fury which whispered that Kimigiku and her ilk were nothing. She would've crumbled to dust in the face of the deadly strength that made Asuna so very dangerous and a real threat to mankind's continued existence. It was an appalling thought, and it brought her back.
Her blood chilled to ice. Solid and cold. Her concentration slipping through her like water. Her eyes looked elsewhere, but her mind kept visualizing what Hijikata was doing at this moment. The thought of him putting those strong, warm hands all over another woman caused nausea to curdle in her stomach and her fingers moved to clench the edge of the stone bench. Even though she had no claim on him and had no right to make one without becoming his. And she'd made it very clear in countless different ways that she didn't want to be his, to never let him reach her.
Yet Asuna still wanted that claim.
That knowledge sobered her. Why did she feel things so intensely? Why did her heart continued to betray her by wanting things that felt unacceptable or wrong or destined to cause trouble that she didn't need? The staggering sense of helplessness unlike any she'd ever known was taking her on a downward spiral she couldn't stop. Just when it seemed a fraction of her life might be coming together, another piece had begun to unravel. But it was still easier than confronting this compulsive yearning for the unattainable that Hijikata inspired in her.
No other man had ever made her feel so aware. Aware of him. And aware of herself.
It confused her, what he made her feel – comforted and cared for. Cherished even. Yet at the same time, she was also undeniably mistrustful. Because what if she was right? What if being with Hijikata would eventually mean a venomous pain that would destroy them both, drop by slow drop?
But none of this made it any easier to accept as comprehension of this mortal man's place in her life was starting to creep in, despite the barriers erected the day she had lost everything.
Inhaling a deep breath and slowly releasing it through her nose, Asuna stared up at the night sky that was darker than usual, covered by heavy rainclouds. "What am I doing here?"
"That's what I want to know."
Her heartbeat kicked into a gallop. She knew that deeply rich voice, as agreeable as a heat-wave in the most barren of lands, penetrated her consciousness. But its presence here should've been impossible.
Asuna rose and turned around just when Hijikata emerged from the shadows and rushed across the distance between them. The sight of him made her falter; she felt a pressure against her awareness and naturally armored herself against it. From where she stood, she could see his face was drawn in tight masculine lines as he neared. Yoshiro leapt from her lap at the sudden movement, and circled her ankles in displeasure before escaping back into the house for protection.
Shifting her attention back to Hijikata, she found herself wondering what he was doing here and why he wasn't with Kimigiku. Though she was almost certain that it did have something to do with her from the way he stomped over to stop right in front of her, towering above her. Small beads of sweat were visible on his forehead and trickled down his face and neck, as if he had been running in the heat of the night.
For a long moment, his eyes – penetrating, intense, and extraordinarily focused – fixed on her face. He was looking at her strangely, as though he was searching for something that might not be there, yet he knew it was.
"Are you going to explain what happened back there?" He asked as if he had every right to know. Even his tone was tinged with anger, restrained but unmistakable anger.
Maybe he is upset because he's been pulled out of Kimigiku's bed, came a voice in her head as loud as any ever spoken to her from another person. Asuna dug her nails into her palm to rid herself of the final remnants of those images and keep her mind focused.
"It's nothing that should concern you." A dangerous silence greeted her rebuttal, it had her skin stretching tight across her bones.
He stepped closer, close enough that she had to tilt her head back to hold his narrowed glare evenly. "It does concern me when you aren't in control of yourself. Do you need blood?"
That was the reason Hijikata came back here. He thought she needed blood because she'd lost control. Notwithstanding his bleak misinterpretation of the situation, tiny tendrils of warmth blossomed within her and threatened to rise to the surface. But she crushed it; not trusting it and the way it made her feel. She didn't want it.
He then put his hand on her shoulder. Unease rippled through Asuna at the simple contact and she recoiled from him, not wanting her defenses falling victim to the scorching heat of his fingers. She feared that the explosive emotions she felt at his touch could easily betray too much of the changes in her which she wasn't ready to face, much to her own peril.
His hard face took on an unreadable expression, his voice becoming quieter. "So now you can't even be touched by me without cringing?"
Not waiting for her to move or even respond, he wrapped his hand around her wrist, his grip unbreakable and hot as a brand searing her skin. When he began dragging her away, Asuna tried to wrench her arm from him but his hand only tightened on her. She couldn't be alone with the man. If she was alone with him, she wouldn't be able to hold her ground against him. She would let him take over and take charge, like she always had.
"That's not it. I don't need blood," she resisted with equal persistence, barely stopping herself from using her demon strength to break free. At this moment, she was unwilling to chance hurting him when the reins to her mental reactions were fast slipping from her grasp. "And even if that was the case, I told you I don't need you to worry about me and protect me. Let go of m-"
"Enough! I've had enough!" Hijikata shouted as he whirled around to face her, cutting her dissent midstream. "You can push me away, shut me out and tell me to get out of your sight. I'm pretty much used to it. But don't expect me to stop caring about you," he paused, his next words were torn out of him. "Because I can't do that. It's something I need to do...something I can't stop myself from doing."
Asuna wanted to flinch, not from the ferocity of his voice, but from the tornado of turmoil that she sensed whipping around inside him and it nearly swept her away. And his eyes, they glinted with something far greater than pain. There was warmth and affection just waiting for her to reach out and take it. As she watched and forbade herself to respond, it morphed into something more like...hunger. For her. She would have taken a step back from what she saw there, though she had to be able to breathe to move, and right then and there, she couldn't draw in any air at all.
In spite of her protests, when he maintained his too tight grip – one that would have left a normal human bruised - and resumed pulling her inexorably in the direction of his quarters, she went without argument.
Just as they turned the corner from the veranda, a familiar man who still had the Shinsengumi haori jacket donned on looked over at them. A broad smile lit his face when he saw the Vice-Commander making his way towards him. "Ah, good timing there, Hijika-"
"Not now," he snapped, his jaws clenching as if to keep himself from shouting again. The man opened his mouth to speak, but Hijikata was already storming away.
After several long hesitating seconds, he followed them. There was a touch of urgency behind his steps as he spoke, "It's Kondou-san. He wanted to speak with you as soon as you returned."
Hijikata shot him a sharp glance. "Tell him I will see him in a moment."
Asuna exchanged a fleeting look with the man as they passed and he seemed to be mouthing 'good luck' at her. This time, he didn't bother making any attempt to stand in Hijikata's way.
If she had been him, she wouldn't have either. Because unlike any other times, Hijikata didn't just look irritated. This was an anger that simmered deeper, ran far colder. Why the difference tonight, she didn't know. They soon stood in front of his quarters, and he hauled her inside with him and slammed the screen door shut. The absence of moonlight draped the place in shadows, though it didn't take her any effort to adjust her sight to the darkness.
"You're not going anywhere." Hijikata finally released her and rooted himself inside the door, making an austere point of blocking the only exit and shutting them in. They were all alone in his quarters again. "You're not leaving this room until you take my blood."
"You're not giving up, are you?"
"You don't give up something that you haven't even started yet." His voice was more of a snarl now, clearly his rage was coming through.
"We both know you can't keep me in here." An outright challenge. A compulsion to claw back.
"Don't push me," he warned as he drew nearer, his violet eyes piercing her and stripping her of the little fragile peace she'd managed to attain. "It wouldn't take much to push me over the edge right now."
The air was filled with aggression. It skated over her body, along her back, over her throat. And quickly, Asuna felt her anger return in a scalding wave. "So I should not refuse you and just keep doing as I'm told?"
"I can do this all night long until you do what you must." His gaze turned hard with intent. A look she had seen often when he'd been focused on reaching an aim or completing a mission.
This was not working, but something needed to. Because each step they took, every decision they made in response to the tension between them wasn't getting them anywhere, except closer together. Moreover, she knew she was fighting a losing battle. If Hijikata wanted her to drink his blood, he would just stand there and wear her down until she acquiesced. The man did obstinacy better than several of the demons she knew.
"Fine," Asuna told him bluntly, having to force the word out past the constriction in her throat. The sooner she cooperated, the faster she could get out of here and take back control of her own body and mind.
In answer, he stared at her a moment too long, seemingly questioning her sudden change of mind and doubting her intentions. Then the strong curve of his jaw bent close to her as he began yanking back the collar of his purple kimono to reveal his shoulder. He was standing so close that she could feel the warmth of his breath stirring the fine strands of hair across her forehead, smell the clean male scent of him and something else. Some other familiar scent of hot spice and a hint of rose that she instinctively knew was not his alone.
It was Kimigiku.
"Turn around." Her voice came out calm, betraying none of the cold fury that sought to draw blood.
Hijikata stopped mid-movement. His scowl grew deeper at the unwelcome surprise in her capricious command. "What?"
"I don't want you looking at me when I take your blood." And right now, his unwanted proximity and her scent that he was carrying on him were testing Asuna's control.
A tendon pulled taut in his jaw. But he acceded to her demand without comment and turned his back to her. Eyes lingering on the bare skin of his shoulder blade, she took a deep breath and tried to ease the pressure in her chest, tried to remove the weight that was sitting there. And failed. The possessiveness built into demons' nature vanquished her sane, rational thoughts. Her head already barraged her with questions and doubts.
What had those two been doing all this time? For another woman's scent to pervade him this way would involve an intimate moment of their bodies touching. Why then, had he come back for her tonight when he had a demoness like Kimigiku waiting for him? Was it his so-called sense of duty again? Out of pity? Because she was his burden, his responsibility?
A flare of red-hot anger radiated from the same part of her that detested how Hijikata Toshizou had made her feel earlier when he'd been with Kimigiku at Sumi - so vulnerable, so weak. She was never weak before. She refused to allow it now.
Asuna wasn't sure exactly what transpired over the next few minutes, but she found herself reacting before realizing what she was doing and bit Hijikata's shoulder - hard enough to leave a mark, yet didn't break his skin. A grunt of pain ripped from his throat, and he spun around so fast he had to take an extra step to catch his balance.
Although his abrupt movement caused her to stagger backward, she could have prevented herself from falling if he hadn't grabbed her arm to try and haul her upright. The next thing she knew, they had already fallen over together in a heap of tangled limbs on the tatami mat. The pain never came. Instead, she noticed one of his hands had shot out and caught the back of her head, pillowing her from the impact of the fall before she slammed on to the floor.
Asuna felt the energy between them shift. Her awareness of Hijikata's body atop hers, his hard chest pressed against her breasts, robbed her mind of any coherent thought. As his heated gaze fused to hers, she could see her own surprise reflected on his face, could hear the frantic beat of his pulse thudding in time to her own. Too fast, both of them, their skin too hot.
"Why did you bite me?" His voice held the edge of a growl, but something dark lingered in his eyes.
It took her a second to recover her wits. "How else do you suppose I drink your blood without biting?" She asked decisively, taking out her own stunned confusion on him.
"You've taken my blood before and you never bit me," Hijikata retorted, eyes grazing over her lips, causing an almost painful tightness in her stomach. "Not like this."
"Let me up," Asuna ordered in quick defense.
She pushed at him in an attempt to throw him off of her. He stilled her motion with his hands locked like a vise around her wrists, and pinned them down on either side of her head. Her struggle had him leaning down so their noses nearly brushed. The hard length of his body trapped her in a sensual prison that allowed no escape.
"No."
That single word, uttered with such force and insistence. Her eyes flashed at his audacity. "What do you mean no? I said let me up."
Refusing to lose the ground she'd gained and surrender, she started to twist beneath him, to arch her hips, fighting to free herself. Instead of complying, Hijikata immobilized her further by bending down his head to nip at her lower lip in a quick, sharp bite. There was no warning, no preamble. It all happened so quickly that she couldn't do more than suck in a startled breath.
At her questioning stare, he drew back and said sharply, "That's for biting me." It was a rebuke, she realized with a blink. A painless one, but a rebuke nonetheless.
Asuna found the will to speak again. "Then get off me. Now."
He looked at her with a quiet intensity that reminded her of the dominant male he was. "So you can run away again? You're that anxious to get away from me?"
His questions achieved nothing, but tore a ragged hole in that primitive core Hijikata alone seemed to awaken. She wavered under the mental injury, struggling to regather her defenses.
She didn't know how to answer him, so she only repeated what she had said before. More slowly this time, emphasizing each syllable, as if that would give her rejection more strength. "I told you many times - you can't get what you need from me."
He appeared completely unstirred by the statement, though his eyes held a knife-edge gleam. "I've heard that one before. You're going to have to do better if you want me to believe that."
His display of apathy only meant Asuna hadn't put sufficient venom and force into her words to sound convincing enough. So she did just that. "You don't understand what you're asking from me." A depth of commitment that she simply couldn't give. Neither should Hijikata continue tempting her to brand him with her claim, knowing it would tear him apart in the end.
"I want to kiss you," he said hoarsely, a raw quality to that unexpected bold admission. "Again. I want to kiss you again."
Frozen in place, Asuna's heart thudded loudly in her chest as blood rushed through her head. She saw one last glimmer of his violet irises beneath his lashes before his lips met hers. And her last resistance, the rotting wall of defense collapsed around her. There was nothing in her imagination that could've prepared her for the intensity of her body's reaction to Hijikata. It was simply too far outside anything she'd ever experienced before.
His lips were hot, testing for a moment. Despite the onslaught of emotions and his frustration, it was a kiss that didn't invade, a kiss of promises and restraint. He only pressed them against hers and allowed the sensation of touching him in this way to bloom over her. To let this peculiarly elusive feeling pour over her like the undulating waves of the blue sea. Slow and warm, growing more liquid by each passing second.
Then he tilted his head, parting his lips to slip his tongue along the seam of her lips. It sent a heat radiating through her entire body. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, but she didn't push him away. She couldn't. In spite of her better judgement, she had always reveled to be in his arms again, to experience the sensations only he could bring to life. Even if all those feelings were out of line.
Hijikata raised his mouth from hers for a second and to her bewilderment, started moving downward. She felt his tongue on her skin, hot and wet, skimming along her jawline and the edge of her chin. A shiver ran down her spine, but it was a shiver of anticipation. She fisted her hands that were still in his grasp, determined not to lift them and touch him. His lips traveled down to her neck and his teeth nipped at the pulse beneath her skin.
"What," Asuna whispered stiffly, finding her own breathing quick and gasping as he blazed a trail of kisses down her collarbone and further, "are you doing?"
"I don't know," he drawled, huskiness clouding his voice as if he was still groggy from sleep. With a slow, almost agonizing pace, his mouth seared a path back up to her neck. Another spiking, thudding pulse surged through her. "But I do know this..." The hum of his voice had never been so mellow, so achingly compelling. There was no way for her to deny its effect on her - her craving to fall into it and let it engulf her. "I'm going to do it again."
Hijikata shifted up to seek out her lips again. As his mouth covered hers, his tongue flicked along her lips, more insistent this time. Asuna didn't try to stop him and let herself be taken in by his desires. Part of her wasn't even fully aware of what she was doing herself. The rest of her didn't care. Her body continued to flare with an indescribable sensation at the feeling of his mouth on her skin. Even though they were both fully clothed, somehow she could feel the heat of his body as if he burned hotter than her.
Without warning Hijikata dragged his lips from her and backed away, his body tensed, his breathing ragged. With the tension broken, she sat up in silence, her mind dazed from his abrupt retreat. It was as though he was rushing to put some distance between them. It left her feeling cold, as if he had absorbed every scrap of heat from the dark room. A sharp curse escaped his lips as he shoved a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said, his voice came out thin and strained, locking down whatever thoughts were going on in his head. His apology was so unexpected, all she could do was stare. What did that mean?
Asuna's mind suddenly freed itself from its frozen state to whirl in confusion when she saw his eyes almost incandescent with fury. Did he regret kissing her after all? Was he wishing he had never locked lips with a demon?
The urge to question his vehemence hit her hard and fast. Not expecting it, she had a hard time burying the strange swell of emotion that rose with it. But she couldn't show it. If he regretted kissing her and she did show it, she would be letting her pride be battered and bruised in front of a mortal. Nothing of her confusion could be allowed to leak through. Nothing.
"Listen, I-"
"Hijikata-san." A voice at the door cut him off. It was the same voice of the man from earlier.
"What?" Hijikata barked the word like the crack of a whip.
A quick pause. "Kondou-san is still waiting to see you."
Asuna lifted her gaze to find him scowling at her. His anger a brutal force that slapped her with every breath. "Wait here. We're not done yet."
She sat in place long after Hijikata left the room, staring at the closed door, but seeing nothing. Her mouth pulsed with the faded imprint of his lips, hard yet soft.
An odd disunion, she thought, feeling foolish.
What had just happened between them was out of the ordinary, born out of a moment of madness, and they were both letting their emotions run away with them. He cared for her, she was sure of that, but it didn't mean he wouldn't pull away when he finally faced the unthinkable. The unthinkable being that he recognized he had made an error in judgement in pinning all his hopes and desirous impulses on the wrong woman.
Though Asuna couldn't know it, that realization eased the cold knot inside her, allowed her to breathe. In that second, her decision was made. She wouldn't be here in his quarters when he returned.
Because Hijikata Toshizou would never have another chance to touch her with that look in his eyes again.
X X X
A short distance outside of Kyoto city, Amagiri shadowed Kazama back to the house that was arranged for their stay by the Satsuma, close to where they'd be summoned to periodical meetings.
The larger man, his companion, kept up with his pace with ease. "You're back early. Is everything taken care of?"
"Everything is fine at the house. There's no loose ends this time," Kazama replied, glancing towards the trees at the memory.
The moment he'd received news from back home, he had wanted to take Asakichi down without damage. A young demon from the clan had given in to the bloodlust and rage of need that lived inside him - inside all of them - and had gone rogue.
Although Asakichi had then become an instant threat to the clan, he was also one of them. Kazama would bleed, he would drown in the endless rain while stalking towards his clan member, but he would not execute one of his own until he had exhausted every other option.
But it had been too late. All of them were too late for Asakichi. Too late for his loyal attendant. The boy had been all but insane when Kazama had managed to corner him at the edge of the forest. He'd already taken lives, killed and maimed. He'd been too far gone and couldn't have been brought back. Whatever it was that had pushed him over the edge hadn't allow him to return.
Kazama had to kill him.
He'd had to bury his sword into Asakichi's heart, putting an end to the boy's pain and misery. And not even lost to enemy action. Lost to his own damn demon self. Kazama's hand clenched white on his sword hilt as he mulled over in his mind the events of that night.
The gesture didn't go unnoticed. But Amagiri made no comment when he fell into step beside him. "Which means only one thing is outstanding. Any news from the Satsuma?"
Releasing his grip on the sword hilt, he let his arm relax at his side. "The Tosa Clan are plotting for an assassination of the Shogun and we've been told to put a stop to it."
At least this time, Kazama understood the motives behind their decision and the violence that would accompany the battle ahead.
One dead Shogun and another one would replace him. Nothing would change. Power and control would still be at every level of society. The replay of power politics would continue until the cycle was broken - until they entered a slightly less violent era where power and control were no longer the only acceptable ways to operate in the world. And sometimes a jostle for power would only make things worse. But were the humans willing to bear that cost to see this new world?
"What are you planning to do?"
"We have no choice but to do our part and help straighten the mess out." There was nothing more repulsive and grief-inducing than protecting worthless humans who were too weak to defend themselves. It would be a miserable task, but, Kazama supposed, an essential one.
"How did the trial go?"
"The allegations against her were dismissed."
"The outcome was as expected. You and The Ancient Ones have wasted your own time focusing on fallacious matters." Speaking of the long, tall drink of woman, Kazama had to fight his compulsion to track her down, to make sure she knew he was back.
As the silence stretched thin, Amagiri finally asked, "Did you get pressured to find a mate and have children again?"
Conscious of the other demon's eyes on him, Kazama gave a humorless smirk. "Hmph, you want to gossip?"
"There has been speculation among our clans that you were coerced into an arranged marriage."
His mother had been putting the pressure on him to find a demoness to carry on the Kazama bloodline and inherit power. Under her arrangements, he'd met several suitable mates over the years. And this time was no different than the previous one was upon his return home. He imagined there would be rampant gossip sessions running hot within the family circle as the news traveled out...as news always did. Of course, his intended partner's interest in him had set the tongues wagging and added to the brew of speculation.
"Every being is forced to find a mate," Kazama countered nonchalantly, a very deliberate comment on his part. "And every creature in this world is driven by the mating instincts to find perfection in their union."
It was a need imbedded in every fiber of their beings. It was only because some demons had chosen to take the unnatural course of solitude that nature was forcing them to focus on finding potential mates, no matter the sacrifice or cost.
With the signal given, the subject was dismissed, at least from speech. Though in Kazama's mind, finding a mate remained as a somber background to all other thoughts. Because there would come a time in a demon's life when he needed to decide whether he should persevere to find his true mate or choose a suitable mate for himself.
However, he found himself continuing not to run in the direction of one of those welcoming demonesses, but towards a woman whose eyes burned with a ferocious light at the sight of him. That was unacceptable to him. He would mark her and he would have her.
Kazama looked up at the night sky, stirring in anticipation of the most important hunt of his life. He was through playing by Asuna's rules. He was loose and he was hungry. Shinohara Asuna was about to come face-to-face with a predator determined to possess her.
No compromises. No mercy.
X X X
AUTHOR NOTE:
Phew, I made it just in time before the end of the month. Well, as much as I've been looking forward to writing their kiss scene again, this wasn't as easy as I thought it would've been lol. But I'm glad I had this chapter done at last. And yes, Kazama is back again, haha!
Anyway, I hope 2022 has been treating everyone well so far! CNY is coming up soon so for those of you who celebrate it, I wish you a Happy Chinese New Year! See you all next time!