Chapter Seven: Where Is He

2015 – Spring

Getou Suguru could not take two steps outside his home without tripping over the same monkey.

The first time he met her, he had been moderately grateful for her interference with the twins. They would have been fine, they were able to defend themselves, but she hadn't known that. Matsuda had insisted that it was the only thing she could do, to step in between a grown man harassing a couple of young girls. To hear the twins tell the story, she had made the most ridiculous scene, yelling and shaming the man while the rest of the onlookers stayed silent. They admired her, Mimiko especially, the only person who had defended them in their entire life, besides himself.

It was very easy to write off, a strange one-off circumstance.

The second time, he had been dumbfounded. Tokyo was a large city; he should never have run into her again. Suguru didn't enjoy frequenting public places, for a multitude of reasons, but in part because he did not appreciate the stench of monkeys clinging to him. The way they scurried along like the pests that they were, was repulsive. It just so happened that Nanako had declared that she was 'now a woman' and there was no one else he could ask to go for him.

What a strange coincidence that he would run into her in the aisles of a drug store, of all places. He might have missed her entirely, should have really, but she shouted in the middle of a public place. The woman didn't know how to behave in a public setting, sitting on a dirty floor wearing sweaty house clothes. He had only asked out of his own vague curiosity and because of… well he didn't like the idea of being indebted to a monkey. When she noticed him, he saw that she was crying, and when he asked her why she was sitting on the floor, a very simple question she started rambling. None of it really answered his question. She talked too much but she needed help, so he helped her to make them even.

It gave Suguru some small relief, not to owe something to someone so far beneath him. He had mostly ignored her as she had followed him around the store and was just grateful that she had stopped her incessant wailing. Whatever relief he felt turned into irritation when she claimed that he had no idea what he was doing. The sheer audacity she had was astounding. He listened to her if only to make her stop and he did not want to risk seeing her again if it was wrong. He had hurriedly paid for the items if only to end this entire interaction. If he ever saw Matsuda again, he would kill her, just for being a nuisance. That's what he had been thinking about when she had accused him of murder.

Well, why wait?

"Well… if you did. I wouldn't blame you."

It was… an interesting thing to say at two in the morning outside a drugstore. He was… mildly curious and it gave him enough pause, to ask her follow-up questions. Killing her afterward was still an option.

At first, he thought she was attempting to threaten him, but he realized she wasn't accusing him, not exactly. She was… curious. She wanted to know because it seemed too big of a coincidence for her to swallow. Matsuda wanted to know because she was glad that the man was dead. Suguru figured more people felt that way than were willing to admit it, but few declared it the way she had. To a stranger, alone, in the middle of the night. It was like she wanted him to kill her.

In the end, he let her live. Matsuda was stupid and just a bit too proud of that fact, but she was a little amusing and she had helped the girls, so he supposed, for now, he could let her live.

He wrote it off as a curious interaction with a vaguely interesting monkey and nothing more.

The third time he ran into her, he didn't have to. He had seen her before she had ever seen him, and he hadn't meant to watch her leave the restaurant. He didn't know why he did it, the only thing he could think of was that every time she opened her mouth, she said something that piqued either his interest or his irritation. Against his better judgment, he put himself in this woman's path and offered her a lighter. Suguru would be lying if he said it didn't remind him of Shoko, she always lost her lighter and it…

It reminded him, quite painfully, of when he had told them goodbye.

Suguru didn't exactly regret his decision because he was right and they just couldn't see it (not yet but they would). They had to (because he could not kill them). He only wished he had planned it better, gotten a chance to have a different goodbye, a better goodbye. Maybe if he had planned it, maybe if he had decided his feelings before that night, he could have talked them into it. Maybe he could have eased them into it. There really wasn't a way he could have predicted he would find two small children beaten and starving in a cage.

No, he didn't regret his decision at all.

As far as monkeys went, Matsuda was… okay, maybe a little odd but she was amusing. She was… far more emotional on the phone arguing with her date than she was explaining the death of her family. That was a bit unusual, but Matsuda was an unusual monkey so he supposed it fit. She didn't fit into the usual categories he had for monkeys, but an allowance could be made. If he killed her now, he would be depriving himself of future entertainment. Maybe next time.

He hadn't noticed she was attractive until she mentioned her date, or maybe he had, and he simply hadn't cared because of all the purposes monkeys might serve that was certainly not one of them. It hadn't been something he paid attention to until she mentioned the date, and she did look much nicer than when she had been sitting on the floor. Objectively, the woman had a pretty face, she had full lips and honey-brown eyes, a small dimple on her cheek when she smiled. Matsuda was tall for a woman, her long legs revealed because of her short dress, a dress that clung to her waist, her hips, and –

It really was irrelevant what she looked like because he would never debase himself that way. It was far more entertaining to listen to her confidently declare herself stupid than to pay her body any attention. She was, by far, her biggest critique, listing out her flaws one by one.

Suguru told Mimiko to call her. He knew that she still had the number, that she had been wanting to call but wouldn't say it. She wanted permission but she didn't want to ask. Really, she didn't need his permission, he wasn't going to stop her from calling someone, as long as that was all it was. Thankfully, Nanako had no interest in talking to Matsuda, she viewed the woman a little closer to how he did. Mildly entertaining, but a monkey all the same.

Mimiko admitted she reminded her of her mother.

The same mother who had let her children be taken and put in cages. The same mother who blamed her children for things that weren't their fault. The same mother who would not listen when her daughters tried to explain to her. The same mother that had killed herself.

He couldn't understand why Mimiko would put herself through that kind of pain, seeking the approval of someone who would never understand. Someone who was just as likely to treat Mimiko the same way if she knew the truth. But he had to let her figure it out for herself, come to her own conclusion, the same way he had.

After the New Year, he kept seeing Matsuda, entirely against his will and it was the most elaborate set of coincidences he'd ever experienced. He generally didn't believe in coincidences and for a moment, right before Christmas, he thought maybe she knew something. Maybe it was some sort of trick, a bad one because what could this monkey possibly do to him? It was unfounded paranoia because she had only blushed when he stared her down, and there was no reason to even worry because the only person strong enough to kill him wasn't willing to do it (not yet).

He was capable of leaving angry voicemails.

The messages were more frequent in the beginning, all empty threats and insults he knew Satoru didn't really mean. Well, he didn't mean most of them, he was pretty sure he meant the part about being a 'selfish dick'. Satoru was sure that he could convince the higher-ups to let Suguru come back. It was at best optimistic and at worst delusional. The messages dwindled as the years went on, and the last message he had gotten from Satoru was over a year ago. It was as close to begging as he would ever get.

"Don't make me kill you, Suguru."

It wasn't a threat. It was one last plea, not to stop because after this long, after all this time Satoru had to know that there was no stopping. No, it was a plea, a request to not force Satoru into a position to kill him. To not cross the final line that would push Satoru over the edge. He was sure he would know what it was when he came to it. He was also sure that he would cross that line, no matter how much it hurt his friend (because he would always be his friend, even if it was too small a word to describe them).

Suguru went out, the twins were arguing about something again and he couldn't listen to it anymore. One of them stole the other one's… something (clothes maybe?) and offering to buy a replacement was 'totally not the point'. He left to buy dinner and maybe they would be done by the time he got back, if they weren't maybe they would be quiet while they ate (he could hope). His phone rang on his way back, the caller ID reflected Satoru's name in bold letters as if his thoughts had summoned the call.

Suguru ignored the call, the way he did all the rest. He had made his decision, he wasn't sorry, and there was nothing left to say. Nothing that wouldn't hurt them both. That wouldn't stop him from checking the message later. Wouldn't stop him from replaying it until the words burned in his memory. He didn't regret his decision, he stood by it then and he stood by it now. He only regretted how much it hurt Satoru.

There were more monkeys out than usual (too many of them existed in the first place), it was a weeknight and shouldn't they all be somewhere? Somewhere that was not in his face talking too loudly about nothing. Somewhere that wasn't filling in the air he was breathing with their stench. The air smelled like sweat and bad breath. Every time he got home, he had to shower and it felt like no amount of soap could wash it away.

"Getou-san!"

Well. Matsuda didn't smell quite so badly, too much like cigarettes (but then so had Shoko) and occasionally like liquor, but on the whole, her smell wasn't quite so offensive. Sometimes, he even let himself entertain the idea that she might smell nice when she didn't smell like cigarettes.

He turned, brow raised because she was dressed in house clothes again, sweatpants and a too-large jacket. Her cheeks were tinged pink, and her full lips parted as she gasped for air, had she been running?

"Matsuda-san."

She was half bent over, hands on her knees trying to catch her breath, her long hair twisted up into a clip at the back of her head. "I need," she wheezed, "your help."

Suguru tilted his head, "Oh?"

"My niece," she gasped, "you have to help her. Please."

Natsumi could not take two steps outside her home without tripping over Getou Suguru.

It was a gross exaggeration, but it was how Natsumi felt because three weeks was the longest that she had gone without seeing him. If he didn't look just as shocked every time, then she would swear it was on purpose. Half the time, they didn't even talk, they both just turned around and walked the other way. Which got rather inconvenient because there were things she needed. She even stopped taking the train, because though she had never seen him on the train, she didn't need to leave another opening.

Sometimes they did talk. On the days when he didn't grind his teeth so hard that she thought they would turn to dust. Evenings when he had that little quirk to his lips that told her he was amused by her (she spent far too much time staring at those lips, his mouth should not be half as interesting to her as it was). He made little half-jokes, things he thought she didn't understand, and then things she truly didn't understand (he smoked a cigarette with her once and told her he'd tasted worse, and he half smiled, and she still didn't know why).

Whatever they talked about, whatever he said or however he acted, she did not let herself forget that he would kill her if it was convenient for him. Not even convenient, if she said something that reminded him too much that he was lowering himself to speak to her in the first place, he might kill her. Just to prove a point to himself. When his jaw clenched, when there was so much heat in his gaze that she thought it might burn her alive, she asked about Mimiko.

It was a very risky line to walk, but Mimiko liked Natsumi and called her more and more frequently. Natsumi hoped that reminding Getou of how much his surrogate daughter liked her, would keep him from doing anything too drastic. Mimiko sent her texts and funny videos, told her when she and Nanako were arguing. They were all just normal teenage things and she wondered if that's why Mimiko liked her. If Mimiko wanted a little normal and was too afraid to admit it to Getou.

Mimiko was likely the reason she was still alive, two years after running into the worst curse-user alive.

Mostly they talked about the children they were raising that weren't really theirs because it was the safest subject. Natsumi warned him of the brattiness that came with teenage girls (the twins were thirteen now and hadn't they just been eleven?). For the most part, he dismissed her advice, insisting that she did not know more than him and he was far more intelligent than her (she couldn't tell if that was because she was stupid or because he hated non-sorcerers). Which, he could say that all he liked but when Mimiko was upset with Nanako she called Natsumi. She didn't think that would be a helpful thing to point out.

When she wasn't working, when she wasn't tripping over Getou, Natsumi spent a lot of the time lamenting how much she missed Sumiko. The day Natsumi had been dreading since Gojou walked into her life, was finally here. Sumiko was officially in high school, and she was fighting cursed spirits. Natsumi was able to meet her little team, a girl and a boy who were both from non-sorcerer families. School had been in session only a short while and Natsumi was a wreck, trying to find something to fill her time.

Sometimes Tsumiki would come by after school with Megumi, they were older now and they insisted they did not need to be picked up. Natsumi vehemently disagreed but they had each other and Megumi was becoming quite the terror, so she relented. She was a little worried for him, because he didn't seem so angry when she was with him but the number of fights he got into… It was concerning, but Natsumi didn't know what to do and Gojou said he was handling it.

It was easy to ignore that small voice that argued against the things she should not do. She smoked more than she had before because there was no need to even attempt to hide it with Sumiko not around. She started going out with her coworkers, because there was no one to come home to, nothing to stop her. It was fine because it was just dinner and if dinner turned into a few drinks that was fine, as long as it didn't escalate, as long as she stayed in control it would be fine.

Natsumi was at home, smoking and debating if she should call one of them to see if they wanted to go out. She was bored and drinking alone was just fine, but it was easier to pretend it wasn't a problem when she was out in a group. If she did, she would probably call her coworker Hana, she was nice and she didn't pry into people's lives. Hana was also new, and didn't know Natsumi before, didn't know how much her drinking could be a problem.

She was halfway through the text when the phone rang and how was it that she talked to Gojou more than Sumiko these days? Natsumi was going to have to say something because it was getting ridiculous, and she knew Sumiko was busy and excited, but it would be nice if she checked in a little more.

"Sumiko is in the hospital."

"What the fuck did you just say to me?"

"They were supposed to stay in the hotel. I left them behind, I wanted making sure that they could handle it first. They left – "

"Why is she in the hospital? Why not – "

"Shoko can't help her. I'll explain when you get here, but just get here."

Natsumi shook so badly she could barely get the keys in the ignition and drove so fast she thought she would get pulled over, but she couldn't stop. She made it without any issues and she'd never been in such a slow elevator, not since the last time she'd been in a hospital. Not since her family died.

The only good thing about Gojou's appearance is he stuck out in whatever situation he was in. He was dressed in that awful tracksuit, standing outside talking to the other two students he taught along with Sumiko. A boy with dark hair and a plain face sitting next to the other girl in their year, a blonde girl who had been scouted from overseas. Apparently, the school over there didn't have enough extra sorcerers to be teachers.

They sat on a bench next to an open doorway while Gojou stood in front of them, listening to the teenagers try to explain it all.

"Kohaku wanted to – "

"It's not my fault," the boy protested. "I didn't make her go! She wanted to go too!"

"But she wouldn't have," the blonde girl snapped, her Japanese made Natsumi cringe. "You know she wouldn't have. Sumiko-chan wasn't going to let you go by yourself."

"Enough," Gojou said, his tone flat. "Go back to the school. You can explain yourself to Yaga in the morning."

"Can't we stay," the girl said softly, her eyes swimming with tears. "She shouldn't have to be alone."

"She's not," Gojou responded, "her aunt just got here."

The girl stood and bowed as soon as she saw Natsumi, and for a foreigner, she really was doing her best. "I'm so sorry, Matsuda-san."

The boy stared at the floor, whatever he had said about it not being his fault didn't hold up now that Natsumi was there. The guilt was all over him, radiating in waves as he sat hunched. Natsumi knew enough about teenage boys, and heard enough of that conversation, to know that he had been showing off and it had gone badly. Maybe she could understand that given the massive chip on her shoulder, but that understanding ended when whatever he did got her niece in the fucking hospital. She didn't know what to say. Why was Sumiko even here? This wasn't how it went when sorcerers got hurt. If they got hurt and they lived they went back to Jujutsu High, they didn't go to the hospital like normal people.

Natsumi pointed to the doorway, "Is she… in there?"

"Yes, but Natsumi don't – "

She ignored him, and she didn't know what was more terrifying. That Sumiko was here or that for the first time, Gojou didn't add that stupid honorific to her name.

Relief washed over her because Sumiko was in a hospital bed and it was terrifying, but she was fine. She looked fine, there wasn't a scratch on her, not a bruise that she could see. There weren't any bandages, and she was hooked up to IVs but the monitor next to her was beeping regularly. Natsumi wasn't a doctor, but it couldn't be that serious. Maybe Gojou brought Sumiko to the hospital because it wasn't that serious. Maybe he just wanted to scare his students into taking him seriously, he was so young and pretty so maybe they didn't listen to him. Natsumi sure didn't respect him and couldn't see how anyone would. It was all just an elaborate staging to make them realize how serious this was since they weren't from sorcerer families. It was a shitty prank but it was a prank and now Gojou would tell her it was okay, and she would yell and they would fight but it would go back to normal. It would all be fine and it would be normal, because Sumiko wasn't dying. She wasn't. She couldn't.

"Natsumi, calm down. You're hyperventilating."

Was she? She was fine, she was breathing fine because Sumiko was fine and it was all okay. Why did Gojou have to play such elaborate pranks? It really wasn't right and someone should say something to him –

"Sit down," and he sounded too gentle, too soft like she was wounded and she wasn't. She was fine because Sumiko was fine.

"It's okay, I get it," she waved his hands away from her, stepping closer to the bed where Sumiko lay unconscious. "You were just trying to make them take you seriously. Sumiko's fine, you can say it now."

"Natsumi, she's dying."

No, she wasn't. No. This wasn't real. He promised her, he promised and Natsumi could see her. She was breathing and her heart was beating and she was fine.

"That's not fucking funny," she could feel it now, the too fast breathing and her chest ached, her heart was beating too fast. The last time she was in the hospital everyone had died. Everyone had died and she'd been the last one standing, the last except for Sumiko. Sumiko had to be okay. She had to be because she didn't have a reason to live if Sumiko was dead and and and –

"Sit down." He was too calm, how the fuck was he so calm?

"I'm looking right at her! She's fine! She's okay!"

"That's because you can't see it."

It. Natsumi took another step towards the bed and Sumiko was still, so still and she was too pale but she was fine, she was okay. She held her hand, avoiding the IVs and she was cold, too cold, but hospitals were always cold. It was good she had worn a jacket, she should have brought Sumiko a jacket or a blanket, she might have something in the car.

It was too similar to how Ichiro had looked, lying on that table, cold and lifeless. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. They were all dead and she was the last one standing and it was never supposed to be here and it wasn't fair wasn't fair wasn't fair –

"Natsumi, you need to calm down."

"She's fine, Gojou, she's fine, I'm looking right at her. This... this isn't funny anymore."

There was scraping and Gojou was moving around but she couldn't move, couldn't look away from Sumiko. She looked so much like her Ichiro and so much like Natsumi and so much like their mother. It wasn't just their coloring because they had nearly the same hair color and eye color, but it was everything. Sumiko had Ichiro's nose and his cheeks but Aiko's smile, and she had their mother's chin but she had the same crinkle between her brows that Natsumi had.

They were all dead and Natsumi was supposed to be but not Sumiko, never Sumiko.

"She's not dying. You promised me. You promised me, you'd keep her safe" she muttered as she felt the chair touch the back of her legs.

"Sit down," he put a hand on her shoulder and forced her to sit down.

"What's wrong with her?" Natsumi leaned forward and she couldn't look at him, because he had never seen her cry and she didn't relish the idea of him seeing it now. Natsumi held Sumiko's hand with both of hers, trying to rub warmth into it because she was cold, so cold. This hospital was too fucking cold, it felt like ice in this room like she'd stepped into a frozen lake, and there was… there was something else, a smell, what was that smell?

"There are some cursed spirits that aren't… they don't just kill and devour, okay? They're not common but they're like parasites. It feeds on a person's cursed energy until there's nothing left. Normal people die so fast you barely notice but with sorcerers, it can take longer but they still… it's the same result."

"So, she has… a parasite?" Natsumi echoed and she could barely feel Sumiko's hand she felt so numb. She almost forgot, she couldn't even spiral, she wasn't allowed to spiral, because then she'd make those things. Those things she couldn't see. One of those things was killing Sumiko.

"Yes."

"So then kill it." He promised. He promised her, he said he would keep her safe. He said he was the strongest. "If you're so fucking strong then kill it." She hated the sound of the beeping coming from the machines but the beeping meant Sumiko was alive.

"If I do anything to it, it will kill her faster. It will die and it'll take her down with it."

There were tears falling down her face and she was surprised she could feel it, but they felt so warm against her cold cheeks. This was room was so cold, too cold, it felt like death. "So, then what, we just watch her die?"

"No, I'm not going to watch her die. I was just waiting until you got here…" just in case Sumiko did die. So she didn't die alone. "I'm going to try to get help, okay? There are options, I… there's someone I could… My old friend… He could help, if I can get him to come here but even if he doesn't, there could be something."

"How… how can anyone fix this without killing it?"

"There's a technique, cursed manipulation, he could remove it that way and it shouldn't hurt her, not if he does it right. We haven't spoken in years but if I can get ahold of him in time – "

"If you don't?" 'Cursed manipulation'. The words bounced around in her head and she knew them, but she couldn't think, couldn't think past the terror. Sumiko was dying. Sumiko was dying and she wasn't supposed to be dying, not her, not like this. Natsumi knew it might happen but she'd thought… she never thought it would be this slow, draining of life. But she couldn't spiral, couldn't drown, couldn't be pulled under.

"Then… I'll find another way. Someone might have a cursed tool that can sever them without killing her, or maybe there's someone else with a cursed manipulation technique I don't know about. I'll call Yuki if I have to, I'll make her answer. I will fix this."

Something, there was something she should be remembering, something she should be thinking about, but it was too cold, and her chest ached. "What if you can't fix it?"

"I can fix it. I meant it, I'm the strongest, I can fix it, I just need time, but I have to go now. I'll pull people out of their beds if I have to – "

"Do Megumi and Tsumiki know?"

"No and I'm not telling them yet. I figured… I figured you'd want to be alone and Megumi will be pissed off. I can't deal with a tantrum from him right now, I need to focus."

Natsumi nodded, and it felt wrong because shouldn't they say get the chance to… to say goodbye? But they weren't her kids, so it wasn't her decision and.. and her kid was dying. Her niece. Her brother's child. Her only sibling. She let him down. Again. Even now she couldn't do right by the brother who had tried so hard.

"How long does she have?"

Gojou didn't answer and she looked away from Sumiko, away from her too-still body and too-shallow breathing. "Morning, if we're lucky," he said it, but he wouldn't look at her, wouldn't look at Sumiko. His sunglasses pressed too close to his face hiding his eyes so fully she couldn't see those bright blue eyes that sometimes glowed. He was wearing the ones she'd gotten him for Christmas. The gift she'd gotten because she was petty and competitive, and Sumiko said he'd gotten her something, so she had to reciprocate.

"Gojou," she whispered. "When's the last time either of us had any luck?"

He left without answering and she rested her forehead on the blanket, the material scratchy and thin. No wonder Sumiko was so cold when they gave blankets like this. It felt like it was getting colder, and her hands were shaking, and she couldn't tell if that was her anymore or just the icy chill in this room. She wanted to stop crying but her tears were the only warmth she could feel anymore.

Her hands were going numb and she thought… she thought she saw her breath for a second. How was it so cold? No hospital was this cold. It hadn't been this cold in the lobby, and it felt… it felt empty like she was in a void, and she couldn't explain that. It was familiar and awful, and she couldn't name it and there was this hint of a smell in the air. What was that smell? Like… like there was something rotting, and it wasn't Sumiko, couldn't be, because she was still alive, and it was all just in her head. She was panicked and afraid because if Sumiko died then… then where did that leave Natsumi?

Her phone buzzed, and she checked it to see if it was Gojou. He'd only just left but he could teleport so maybe he had news already.

She'd never been so disappointed not to see his name on her screen. It was a text from Mimiko; Nanako stole her sweater and wouldn't give it back. It was petty and small and she just couldn't care right now because Sumiko was dying –

Cursed manipulation. Cold empty void. The feeling of being plunged in ice.

She dialed without second guessing because she'd read that file obsessively, had finally totaled the number of deaths that had been attributed to him (238, minus the two dead girls who weren't really dead). Natsumi thought maybe if she counted up every death listed under his name that it would make her come clean. It hadn't (she added the death of a principal that wasn't on the list).

"Natsumi! Nanako won't give my sweater back and Getou-sama said he would buy a new one but he's totally missing the point – "

"Mimiko, where is he?" She was being rude and she should be nicer because she needed Mimiko to help her and this was not the way to convince people, especially not people who weren't inclined to help non-sorcerers in the first place.

Her brother's only child dying in a hospital bed. The only person left alive that she loved.

"Getou-sama? He went out to get dinner. I think he got tired of hearing us fight but she – "

"Where?"

A pause. "I don't know," her tone was cold, distant.

"Mimiko, please, I need you to tell me where he is."

"Why?"

Natsumi rubbed the tears away, grabbed her keys, and left Sumiko alone in that bed even though it killed her to do it. If Mimiko didn't tell her she'd have to find him, because Gojou knew him better, but she knew him more recently. She ran into him without even meaning to, she ran into him when she actively tried not to.

"Mimiko, I know… I know about… My niece is a sorcerer, and she's dying. She's dying, please," she was begging a teenage girl for help but Natsumi wasn't above begging.

"I don't know what you're talking about." They shared no blood but she sounded like him, like the man who raised her, colder than ice.

"Please," she begged and she took the stairs because that elevator was too fucking slow. "Please, I can't lose her. I can't. I won't. She's dying, and he can help her."

Silence.

"I've known for months, Mimiko," she blurted, taking the stairs two at a time. "I've known since before Christmas and I haven't said anything, and I won't say anything to anyone. But I need you to tell me where he is."

"He won't help you."

"I know, I know but… I have to ask. Just let him tell me no. If he won't help her fine, but let him say no."

"He'll kill you."

Natsumi ran as soon as she hit the parking lot, her lungs burning, maybe Gojou was right, she should stop smoking. "That's fine. If she dies… I won't make it anyway." She wouldn't. She had decided to die so long ago, all of this was just… prolonging the inevitable, but that was okay. That was okay because it was for Sumiko. "She's all I have, she's all I have. I had one brother Mimiko. He died, and this is his only child and I can't. Sumiko is the only family I have." It was manipulative and shitty and Mimiko was just a girl but she could not watch Sumiko die.

Silence.

"Okay… Okay, fine. You don't… Okay, I get it. I'll figure it out. I have to go, Mimiko," she hung up, and she kicked the car door. How the fuck was she going to find him? What if Gojou had already found him and he said no? There was no way he'd tell her yes if he told Gojou no. He probably wouldn't say yes anyway and it was a waste of time. Time that she should spend with Sumiko. She should let Gojou handle this because what the fuck did Natsumi know about any of this? When had she ever done a single thing right in her life anyways? What if she did find Getou and Gojou was already there? How would she explain this? What if she found him and he had told Gojou yes but said no because of Natsumi? What if? What if? What if?

Natsumi kicked the car over and over again, her foot aching because she wasn't wearing the right shoes for this and it hurt. She was crying and her eyes were blurry, "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" She should never have let Sumiko do this, she'd wanted to do it, but she was a child. Why couldn't she do anything right? She had wanted to believe that her brother and his wife had been on to something, that maybe they knew something about Natsumi that she didn't. She had wanted to believe that they were right, that she could raise Sumiko without messing it up, like she messed everything up.

They had all been wrong.

She rubbed her face against the sleeve of her jacket and slipped into the car, holding her hand as steady as she could. Her phone buzzed as she started the car trying to take deep breaths while she remembered where she had seen Getou the most. Again, she hoped it was Gojou, that he had figured it out and he was on his way back.

It was an address from Mimiko.