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Little Toy Bikers and a Woman on the Run
Chapter 34 Cry
The meaning of life suddenly slammed into focus for Wendy. She needed to share her revelations with the world. Her mother had hidden her laptop computer to keep her from pawning it, so she couldn't share her revelations immediately by posting them on the internet. She would have to write them down for now.
She wrote:
Only worry about the now. Don't worry about the future because the future will become the now.
The more she looked at the words she'd written on the palm of her hand, the more she was convinced she'd made a breakthrough that would change the world.
If she could think this brilliantly without the brain boost of crank, imagine the amazing things she could come up after a little crank.
She looked at the crank thumb bag with the skull and cross bones on it. It reminded her of Jax. She sank to the floor of the living room and began to cry.
When she married Jax, she thought that with a little time he would fall in love with her. She would tell him she loved him. He never said it back to her. That was all she had wanted—to hear him tell her he loved her.
It seemed the harder she tried to be the perfect wife, the more she failed. She had made an elaborate dinner of pot roast, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans with caramelized onions and an lemon meringue pie for dessert. It had taken her hours.
She had to look up all the recipes and make a grocery list. The cooking took her all day because she didn't know how to cook or even use a knife. She took a couple of shortcuts, but for the most part, she followed the recipes.
Jax called her and told her he was going to be a couple of hours late. She wasn't sure how to keep the food warm, so she just left it on the stove cooking.
By the time Jax got home, the pot roast was bone dry, the mashed potatoes burned and the green beans had the texture of baby food. She hoped that she could redeem herself with dessert. The pie crust was thick and tough as a boot. The lemon filling was a puddle and she hadn't been able to get the meringue to whip up.
She tried again to cook with similar disastrous results. Finally, she'd gone to Gemma to ask for her help. Her new mother-in-law wasn't helpful. She was scornful and impatient with her.
Wendy believed Gemma didn't want to help her because she didn't want her marriage to Jax to work. Gemma had never liked her. She didn't like Gemma either, so she wasn't heartbroken that her new mother-in-law didn't care about her.
As she continued to try to cook and do what television told her the perfect wife could do, the more she failed. After awhile, she quit trying. Crank provided solace. It made her feel good about herself.
Wendy went with her back up plan. She was just going to be herself. She hoped that somehow that would be enough to get Jax to fall in love with her. She wasn't surprised when this plan failed. She hadn't really expected it to work.
No man had ever loved her. Plenty of men had said the words, but they didn't mean it. It was just to get her into bed.
Wendy wondered if she had some defect inside that kept men from falling in love with her. She was pretty and had a good body. She could easily attract men. The problem was they didn't stay around for long.
The brutal truth was no one had ever loved her from her mother to her husband. No love for Wendy. That was what should be on her tombstone.
She began crying again, big body shaking sobs.