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Little Toy Bikers and a Woman on the Run
Chapter 41 Struggle
Wendy was irritated. Lois kept talking and telling her about her daughter's problems with her ex-husband. She didn't need to hear about anyone's ex-husband drama. She had her own.
She wanted that syringe and a couple of needles. That meant that she had to listen to Lois ramble for fifteen minutes before she finally had a chance to get down to business and trade a joint for a syringe and needles.
It took another five minutes of listening to Lois complain about her diabetes before Wendy got her needles and syringe and was on her way.
As soon as she walked into her mother's place, she reached for the TV remote. She saw the note. Damn. If she hadn't gotten stuck listening to Lois, she would have seen Jax. Listening to Lois had put her in a terrible mood.
The note was typical Jax. A command to call him. No "please" and "no thanks". Ordering people around might work in the MC, but in the world outside SAMCRO, ordering people around didn't work so well especially when it came to her. She hated it when Jax told her what to do.
"Fuck you, Jax Teller," Wendy said, scowling at the note. "I don't have to do what the hell you say."
This wasn't the first time she'd said the words. Their marriage had been made south of Heaven. It felt normal to her because her mother always had screaming fights with her boyfriends. She thought that was what a relationship was supposed to look and sound like.
When he told her that he only married her because he was lonely, she told him he should have gotten a dog. It was her best ever comeback. She left then. There wasn't anything left to say. It was just legal paperwork after that. Until she had to tell him about the baby.
She played it all wrong to start with when she attempted to seduce him. She thought after sex, she would sweetly whisper the news. He would be blissed out from sex and maybe a little weed and he wouldn't go nuclear about the baby.
Somehow it all went wrong. He had actually turned her down for sex. He hurt her feelings and the news about the baby came out in a torrent of angry words. He got angry back and it just went downhill fast from there.
Looking back now, Wendy could see it was mostly—no—make that almost all Jax's fault that the news about the baby had gone so badly because he accused her of deliberately getting pregnant. The baby had really been an accident.
She decided to talk to Jax before she shot up. She would tell him they could meet next week to figure out things about the baby. That should keep him from hunting her down and catching her using crank. A week would give her enough time to clean up.
She called Jax's cell, got voice mail and ended the call without leaving a message. She watched a car chase on TV momentarily distracted from her desire for crank.
Rehab had accomplished something; it made her feel guilty when she used crank. She learned all about how it messed up her brain chemistry, which was one of the reasons it was so addictive.
This was the hamster wheel of hell, she thought. When she thought about her use of crank, she felt bad. The only way to feel good again was to use crank. It was an endless loop of highs and lows and guilt and surrender.
If she could wait two hours before she used crank, that would prove that she wasn't an addict. She was just an enthusiastic user. Instead of getting clean, she could just pretend to Jax that she was clean. Why should she have to give up her only source of fun?
Fuck you, Jax Teller and she didn't mean that in a sexual way.