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Little Toy Bikers and a Woman on the Run
Chapter 51 Delivered
Gemma hadn't called Wendy a junkie whore or said she deserved to die. Whether Gemma had figured out she shouldn't be saying these things or she didn't want trouble with Clay, Jax didn't know. He was grateful that she was refraining from expressing her opinion about Wendy. She would have more than enough time later to bad mouth Wendy.
They had moved out of the little locked room where he found out about his father's death and Wendy's death into the waiting room outside of ICU. The small room was too tight a fit for everyone.
Hospitals weren't places to go to get well; they were places to go to die. He wondered how Tara could want to work here dealing with death and misery every day.
Jax focused on getting through the next minute and the next. He was overwhelmed by the idea of being a single parent to a newborn. He couldn't picture himself carrying a diaper bag, much less changing diapers.
In the end, he didn't care how much he needed to change his life for his kid. That kid was depending on him. The kid just needed to stay alive. Tellers were fighters. He felt optimistic for the first time since Tara told him to be prepared for the worst.
Tara came walking down the hall a short time later. The second Jax saw her, his heart sank. She had the key to the little room in her hand. He didn't need her to say anything. He knew what she was going to say. Even her face had a stoic, resolute look.
"Just tell us out here," Jax said.
"OK," Tara said. She took a breath. "We delivered the baby, but there were developmental issues possibly related to Wendy's drug use. Additionally, the baby was premature. Those factors combined with whatever was in that last dose of crank proved incapable with life."
"What the hell?" Gemma demanded. "Are you saying the baby is dead?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so."
Jax's shoulders sagged under the weight of this devastating news. Tara warned him, but he believed the baby would live. He had thought the baby would fight and pull through.
He blamed himself for not doing more to get Wendy off crank. He should have locked her in a room to keep her from using crank. Instead, he ignored her drug use because it was convenient.
He imagined that cold little body who never felt the love of a mother or father and never would now. He hadn't wanted the baby and now the baby was dead.
There was no joy or relief with this news. Just sorrow and a gut wrenching sense of loss. He knew in his mind that he didn't will the baby to die, but he couldn't help feeling that if he had had a better attitude about the baby, the outcome could have been different.
The guys hugged him and slapped his cut and murmured sympathetic things. Gemma gave him a long hug and Clay even hugged him. It didn't make him feel even the smallest bit better.
Tara just stood there looking at him with her big brown eyes.
"Jax, I need to talk to you."
"So, talk."
"I need to speak with you privately," she said.
"Just tell me."
"I need two minutes."
Gemma glared at Tara, but Tara stood her ground.
"OK," Jax said.
Tara unlocked the door and led him into the small room of death and bad news and shut the door.